Subj: Jewish3 Jokes
(Includes 68 jokes and articles, 24 1028,2,cf,vXT4b,2)
Subj: The Taylor (S753d)
From: AFine963 on 6/16/2011
Source: (Removed from youtube.com)
(Also see "Two Priests Buy Overcoats" in Priest1)
The Tailor is a six minute film presented by the San Francisco
Jewish Film Festival. In the film two Talmudic students buy
new suits from Marcus Pincus, the taylor. Culture and
confusion meet on a Brooklyn street, in this hilariously
charming tale of similarities amid diversity. The film is
directed by Gordon Grinberg.
Click 'HERE' to see this very cute film.
Subj: A Jewish Widow On The Beach (S722)
From: tom on 11/17/2010
(Also see "Strangers Have Sex On Beach" in Pussy)
A widowed Jewish lady, still
in good shape, was sunbathing
on a deserted beach in Boca Raton, Florida. She looked up
and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had
walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and
began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up
a conversation with him. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed
away two years ago," he
replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that.
My husband passed away three
years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you
live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Coral Springs,"
he answered and again
he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common
interest, she persisted.
"Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his
book, came over to her
blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most
passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began
to settle, she gasped and
asked the man "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Subj: The Jewish Widow And The Butcher (S592)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/22/2008
In a small town in the Old Country,
the Rabbi died. His
widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the
people of the town decided that she ought to get
But the town was so small that
the only eligible bachelor
was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat
dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the
butcher had no great formal education. However, she was
lonely, so she agreed, and they were married.
After the marriage, Friday came.
She went to the mikvah
(a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities). Then, she
went home to prepare to light the candles.
The butcher leaned over to her
and said, "My mother, Hana,
told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the
candles, it's good to have sex." So they did.
She lit the candles. He leaned
over again and said, "My
father,Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles
it's good to have sex." So they did.
They went to bed after saying
their prayers. When they
awoke, he said to her, "My grandmother, Rivka, said
that before you go to the synagogue it's good to have
sex." So they did.
After praying all morning, they
came home to rest. Again
he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather, Moishe, says
after praying it's good to have sex." So they did.
On Sunday she went out to shop
for food and met a friend
who asked, "So how is the new husband?"
She replied, "Well, a scholar
he isn't, but he comes from
a wonderful family...
Bette Midler Pretty Legs And Soph Jokes (S1028)
From: Bette Midler-Fansite
..........on Facebook on 9/23/2016
Christmas Vs. Chanukah (Special Florida Calendar Edition)
Jews love Dec. 25th. It's
another paid day off work. We
go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing.
Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th
of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews
never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah
starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look
like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free
with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the
kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially
* Christmas is a major holiday.
* Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most
Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived,
* Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry,
* Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or
a the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive
on the bookshelf.
* There is only one way to spell Christmas.
* No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka,
Channukah, Hanukah, Hannuka.
* Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts.
* Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects
a diamond ring on Chanukah.
* Christmas brings enormous electric bills.
* Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared
enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about
not contributing to the energy crisis.
* Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night,
Come o Ye Faithful.....
* Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or about
having a party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we are
secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were
composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don't
Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?
* A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The
sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people
are gathered around in festive moods.
* A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes
and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people
all talking at once.
* Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies.
* Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating
potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another
reminder of our suffering through the ages.
* Parents deliver to their children during Christmas.
* Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift
any of the eight nights.
* The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce
names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus.
* The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah,
Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or
pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends
anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in
* Many Christians believe in the virgin birth.
* Jews think, "Joseph, bubela. Snap out of it. Your woman
is pregnant, you didn't sleep with her, and now you want
to blame God. Here's the number of my shrink."
* In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
* The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a
minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a
major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about
celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve
yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated
soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed
good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200
Subj: Two Jews On A Bus (S341, S642a)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/5/2003
A young Jew and an old Jew are riding on a bus in Jerusalem.
The young Jew asks, "Excuse me, sir, what time is it?"
The old Jew doesn't answer.
"Excuse me, sir," the young Jew
asks again, "what time
The old Jew still doesn't answer.
"Sir, forgive me for interrupting
you all the time, but I
really want to know what time it is. Why won't you
The old Jew says, "Son, the next
stop is the last on this
route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I
answer you now, according to Jewish tradition, I must
invite you to my home.
You're handsome and I have a
beautiful daughter. You will
both fall in love and you'll want to get married. And tell
me, why would I want a son-in-law who can't even afford a
Subj: Haiku's For Jews (S212, S669b)
From: pns on 2/24/2001
Hey! Get back indoors!
Whatever you were doing
could put an eye out.
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she beams -- nice, but
her son is forty.
Lovely nose ring --
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.
After the warm rain,
the sweet scent of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
Wet moss on the old
stone path -- flat on my back, I
ponder whom to sue.
The long pilgrimage
to the venerable shrine -
Leonard's of Great Neck.
In the ice sculpture
reflected bar-mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing-
got it at Loehmann's.
gin rummy, then contract bridge,
followed by a nap.
after 'putzhead' is placed on
a triple-word score.
hava nagila, hava-
Would-be convert lost-
thawed Lender's Bagels made a
bad first impression.
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
The shivah visit-
So sorry for your loss. Now
back to my problems.
Now that Koreans
are the "New Jews", the "old Jews"
can leave for Boca.
me, God, for the Mercedes
and all the lobsters.
Lonely mantra of
Jewish mother, "They never
call, they never write."
Subj: Remarkable Quotes From Remarkable Jews (164)
From: FrankRoesch on 03/23/2000
My father never lived to see
his dream come true of an
all-Yiddish-speaking Canada. -- David Steinberg
I once wanted to become an atheist
but I gave up . . .
they have no holidays. -- Henny Youngman
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved
lamenting would be
intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their Breasts,
God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast beaters.
By the time I was five I knew I was that one. -- Mel Brooks
The time is at hand when the
wearing of a prayer shawl and
skullcap will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of
course, the man is Jewish. -- Jules Farber
Even if you are Catholic, if
you live in New York you're
Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be
goyish even if you are Jewish. -- Lenny Bruce
My idea of an agreeable person
is a person who agrees with me.
-- Benjamin Disraeali
It's so simple to be wise. Just
think of something stupid to
say and then don't say it. -- Sam Levenson
God will pardon me. It's His business. -- Heinrich Heine
I went on a diet, swore off drinking
and heavy eating, and In
fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. -- Joe E. Lewis
A spoken contract isn't worth
the paper it's written on.
-- Sam Goldwyn
I don't want to achieve immortality
through my work. I want
to achieve immortality through not dying. -- Woody Allen
A politician is a man who will
double cross that bridge when
he comes to it. -- Oscar Levant
Liberals feel unworthy of their
possessions. Conservatives feel
they deserve everything they've stolen. -- Mort Sahl
Television is a medium because
it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs
When I bore people at a party,
they think it is their fault.
-- Henry Kissinger
Subj: Passover (S113)
From: smiles on 3/31/99
Passover is the the Jewish
holiday celebrating the Jews
freedom from Egyptian enslavement thousands of years ago..
want to see the movie? Look for the Ten Commandments
starring Charlton Heston.. or the Rugrats cartoon special
and hear Tommy (playing Moses) say those immortal words
"Let My Babies Go"
Stan Kegel explains:
Passover is approaching. At the sedar table, every Jewish
child will be retold the story of Moses and the Pharoah,
and how God brought boils, locusts, hail and the other
plagues onto the Egyptians. Yet in spite of this over-
wealming evidence of God's intensions, Pharoah refused to
let the Jews go, until a tenth plague, the death of the
first-born children was inflicted on every Egyptian home,
passing over the Jewish homes. Only after this tragedy
did the Pharoah relent and let the Jews leave slavery and
Egypt to begin their journey to the promised land.
This has been known for generations.
What has not been
known is why the Phaaroah, in the face of such overwealming
evidence would refuse to release the Jews ater the first
nine plagues. It took eight years of research by Elizabeth
Kubler-Ross, the renouned psychologist and nurse, to find
the definative answer. Dr. Kubler-Ross spent those years
studying the Dead Sea Scrolls before discovering the answer.
And once found, it was obvious.....The Pharoah was still
in de Nile.
Q: Why did it take the Israelites
40 years to get out
of the desert?
A: Because none of the men would stop to ask for directions.
The Jewish community in Spain
goes into a panic before
Passover. Due to a beet crop failure there won't be any
beets for chrain for the seders this year. Upon learning
of the plight of the Spanish Jews, the Israeli rabbinate
arranges for an emergency shipment of beets to be flown
into Spain in time for the holiday. All goes well and
the plane lands in Madrid without incident. However, a
labor strike in Spain prevents the cargo handlers from
unloading the cargo. Passover finds the beets rotting on
the runway in the cargo hold. What do we learn from this?
Answer: The chrain in Spain stays mainly on the plane.
I thought you might enjoy excerpts from:
Eli's, Special-for-Kids, Most Fun Ever
Under-the-Table Passover Haggadah
1986, 1990, 1995 by Eliezer Lorne Segal
(more can be found at this web page)
A Present from Uncle Eli (1st stanza)
The house had gone crazy,
all turned upside-down,
with everyone busily, running around.
Mommy was screaming , "Get out of the way!
You can't keep on , lying around here all day!
Tomorrow is Passover. You don't look ready.
We have to remove , everything that is bready.
Pack up the old dishes , and pull out the new.
Prepare for the seder! There's too much to do!"
The Ten Plagues
When Pharaoh got nasty
and mean and deceiving
and wouldn't agree
to the Israelites' leaving,
God sent him ten plagues
so he might change his mind,
and the Jews could leave
terrible Egypt behind.
blood in the gutters
and frogs in the butter,
and lice on their heads
and beasts in their beds,
disease in the cattle
and big boils in the saddle.
Hail started showering
and locusts devouring.
It turned dark as a pit.
Then the first-born were hit.
Rabban Gamaliel Omer...
has something to tell,
so we'd better all listen
to him very well.
He says that each person
must mention these three
if he wants his whole seder
to go perfectly.
Tonight these three things
might be found in your parlor--
They are: Pesah and Matzah and Maror.
Pesah, the lamb
that the Jews would prepare
at the time that the Temple
was still standing there,
to remind us of how
our ancestors were saved,
how they marched out of Egypt
and stopped being slaves.
It wasn't a soup
and it wasn't a stew.
It was more like roast lamb
in a big Bar-B-Q.
We try to remember
that lamb, if we're able,
by keeping a bone of some sort
on the table.
Matzah, this strange flat
and hard, crunchy bread
was the food that our forefathers ate
when they fled.
They didn't have time
to make something more tasty
like chocolate cake
or cherry-cream pastry,
because their departure was
ever so hasty.
The trip out of Egypt was
all so haphazard,
they left mountains of matzah-crumbs
all through the desert.
Manny, our matzah-dog,
eats it by tons.
He'll have two hundred matzahs
before the night's done.
The third thing is Maror.
These herbs are so bitter!
Let's give some to Marvin,
our mean baby-sitter!
Here's one last joke for telling
the matzah digests:
A Jewish man boards the train
heading for Texas. On
the third day the train is stopped in the middle of
the desert and big Texan men board the train and
"Are there any Jews on this train?"
The man crunches down in his seat and again the huge voice:
"Any Jews on this train?"
He shrinks deep into the seat. This great big Texan
wearing two pistols is now standing over him and roars,
"Any Jews on this train?"
The man gains his courage, sits up straight and says,
"Ich bin a Yid" (I'm a Jew!)
And the Texan replies, "Good! We need a tenth man for
(to hold Jewish prayer services
there has to be at least
ten Jewish men.)
Subj: The Night Before Chanukah
From: smiles on 98-12-03
(See 'A Boca Christmas Poem' in Christmas3-Supp)
'T was the night before Chanukah,
as it is said
And Santa was sitting and hocking his head
He had all the toys wrapped up nice in his zeckel
For maidlach and boys to give each one a peckel
The reindeer were saddled and ready to fly
Like a crew of brave astronauts all through the sky
But Santa was starving to eat a good meichel
Some regular food that would stick to his beichel
Not plum cakes or mincemeat or peppermint candy
But some kosher cooking he thought would be dandy
So he called to his reindeer, "Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish balbusta and don't be so slow."
The house had no chimney, so he went through the door
And kissed the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor
Then the man of the house said, "Santa you devil
Come on, don't be shy and see our split level
The night is still early, there's plenty of zeit
So come in the den and please have a bite
If only we knew you were coming, by gosh
But I'll call out the wife and she'll give you a nosh
A slice of stuffed derma, a few little strudels
Some chicken salami, some flanken with noodles
Some blintzes, some kreplach, some lox and bialy
A bissel chopped herring, an end piece of chaleh
And if all of these goodies don't fill up your gatkes
Last but not least, some Chanukah latkes."
"A latke?" cried Santa, "what is this delight?"
On the outside it's golden and inside it's white.
On the outside so crisp and inside it's yummy
And he gobbled them up 'til he filled his fat tummy.
Then they gave him a dreidel and showed him the plays
And he took a menorah to light for eight days
And to give Santa some spirit and to show how they felt
For mazel they gave him some Chanukah gelt.
He beamed and he chuckled and said "Kine-ahaora,
I don't want to feel like a Chanukah schnorrer
To show you how much I enjoyed your Jewish snack
I'm leaving you everything, even my sack."
Then he called to his reindeer and said, "Luz mir gehn."
And each one got ready as he schlepped on the rein
"Giddyap Irving, Hoo Ha Sidney, Hi ho Sadie, Let's go Minnie,
Onward Gussie, Upward Solly, Ole Becky, Oy Vey Molly."
And they swore that he yelled as he rode out of sight
"MERRY LATKES" to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT."
Very Rough Translations of yiddish:
zeckel= bag * maidlach = girl * peckel = coin
meichel = meal * beichel = stomach * kinder = children
balbusta = lady of the house (usually
a very nice description)
mezzuzah = Commandments inside a small oblong ornament
attached to right side of the door jam
zeit = life * nosh = snack * flanken = flank steak
stuffed derma = cow intestines
blintzes = rolled like a crepe, but stuffed full with
fruit & cottage cheese (or something similar)
bissel = a little piece * lox = smoked salmon (fish)
bialy = kind of roll, sold with bagels * chaleh = bread
gatkes = guts * latkes = potato pancakes
dreidel = special spinning top, with hebrew letters on the
side, used for a game at Chanukah
menorah = candle holder for symbolic Chanukah candle lighting
mazel = luck
gelt = coins
schnorrer: cheapskate, typically used to descibe someone
who always takes, but never gives anything back
Subj: Second The Night Before Chanukah
From: smiles on 98-12-03
And here's another enjoyable version
chock full of yiddish:
Sent in by EliseMF:
'Twas the night before Chanukah,
Boichecks and Maidels,
Not a sound could be heard. Not even the dreidels.
The Menorah was set by the chimney alight,
In the kitchen, the Bubbie was choppin' a bite.
Salami, pastrami, a glassele tay.
nd Zozereh pickles with bagels
----oy vay', Gesundt and geshmack , the kindelach felt,
While dreaming of taglach and Chanukah Gelt.
The alarm clock was sitting, a klappen and ticken,
and Bubbie was carving a shtikele chicken.
A tummel arose like a thousand Beruches,
Someone had fallen and broken his tuchas
I put on my slippers---- ains,Zvei, drei.
While Bubbie was enjoying her herring and rye,
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gotkies,
and Bubbie was just devouring the latkes.
To the window I ran and to my surprise,
A little red yamalke greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and saw the Menorah,
"Yiddishe Kinder," he said "Kenahorah".
"I thought I was in a strange hoise."
"As long as I 'm here, I'll leave a few toys."
"Come into the kitchen, I'll get you a dish
A gupel, a leffel a shtikel fish."
With smacks of delight, he started his fressen,
Chopped liver and Knadlach and kreplach gegessen.
Along with his meals. he had a few schnappes,
when it came to eating, this boy was tops.
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt,
But they were so hot he yelled 'oy gevalt".
He buttoned his hoysen and ran from the tish,
"your Koshereh meals are simply delish."
As he went through the door, he said "See you-all later,
I'll be back next Pesach in time for th Seder."
More rapid than eagles his prancers they came,
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
"Now Izzie--now Morris-- Now Louis--and Sammy--
`on Irving and Maxie-- and Hymie and Manny".
He gave a geshrey as he drove out of sight.
"A GOOD YONTIFF to all and to all a good night"
Subj: Jewish Test (S91)
humorlist-digest V2 #224 on 98-09-22
1. There are no Jews living
b. El Paso
c. trailer parks
2. The cleaning lady in a Jewish
household is expected to:
a. do windows
b. make latkes
c. attend all bar mitzvahs and weddings
3. To make a good pet for a
Jewish child, an animal must be:
4. Jews spend their vacations:
c. discussing where they spent their last vacation
and where they'll spend the next
5. A Jewish mouth never
c. contains gold teeth
6. If there's a hairdresser
in your immediate family, you are
a. up on the newest styles
b. entitled to free haircuts
c. not Jewish
7. Wilderness means
a. no running water
b. no electricity
c. no hot and sour soup
8. The most popular outdoor
sport among Jews is:
c. howling over the neighbors' lawn ornaments
9. Jews never drive
b. on Saturdays
c. eighteen wheelers
10. A truly unsuitable gift for
a Jewish person is
a. Easter lilies
b. a crucifix
c. a Zippo lighter
11. A Jewish skydiver is
c. an apparition
12. Jews never eat at restaurants
a. aren't kosher
b. cost too much
c. have paintings for sale
13. No Jewish person in history
has ever been known to
a. become a prostitute
b. deface a synagogue
c. remove the back of a TV set
14. There is no such thing as
a. black belt
b. obscene caller
c. toll collector
15. Jews never sing
b. "Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu"
c. around a piano bar
16. You won't catch a Jewish
person on a
17. Jews are ambivalent about
b. Jesse Jackson
c. absolutely nothing
Scoring: Take 1 point for
each "a" answer,
2 for each "b", 3 for each "c".
39-51: Mazel Tov! You know a
lot about Jews. Either you've
studied your loved one's family carefully, out of desire
for true closeness plus your respect for their traditions,
or you're from either Florida or New York. They'll adore you.
29-38: You're not quite there
yet, but don't panic. Just
remember to do everything louder, longer and with a lot
more butter than you're used to.
17-28: Sorry. Better study harder.
Or consider getting a
divorce and buying a Nathan's franchise.
Subj: Short Jewish jokes
Subj: Jewish Women And Chinese Food (S504b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/7/2006
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish
women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that
this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is
Subj: Jewish Cartoons (S384b)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 6/3/2004
The four pictures titled 'Jewish Cartoons can be seen
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Jewish View on When Life Begins (S352)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #70 on 98-03-20
There is a big controversy these days concerning when life
begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered
a viable human being until after graduation from medical school.
Subj: Grandma Gives Elbow Directions To Grandson (S205. S861)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/1/2001
and From: AFine963 on 7/10/2013
Also titled Hannukkah Guilt
A grandmother was giving directions
to her grown grandson
who was coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of
the apartments. I am in
apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in,
and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out,
I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but,
why am I hitting all
these buttons with my elbow?"
"What? . .. . .. .. You're coming
It is better to know nothing
than to learn nothing.
-- Hebrew Proverb
From: igiggle on 1/15/2005 (S416b -
One mother teaches more than a hundred teachers.
-- Jewish Proverb
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/6/2007 (S563b
"God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers."
-- Jewish Proverb
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #303 on 5/28/99
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took
us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the
only place in the Middle East that has no oil! -- Golda Meir
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/8/2002 (S288b)
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
-- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
If you could choose.... Look
Irish... Dress British...
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #189
Did ya hear about the Jewish American Princess and her
husband who made love "doggie style"?
He sat up and begged; she rolled over and played dead.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #186 on 97-08-28
Sam Shwatrz was driving down the road, gets pulled over by
a Policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the Policeman says,
"Your wife fell out the car 5 miles back." Sam replies,
"Thank god for that" I'd thought I'd gone deaf!"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #138 on 98-06-04
Is that a mezuzzah in your pocket or are you just
happy to see me?
From: humorlist-digest V3 #18 on 99-01-21
All the major Jewish holidays really have one basic reason
for celebration. "They tried to kill us, we survived,
Q: How can you tell that Jesus was Jewish?
A: He lived at home until he was thirty, worked for
his dad and his mother thaught he was god.
Q: What's the difference between
and the British?
A: The British leave without saying goodbye, while
the yiddish say goodbye without leaving.
Q: What's the difference between
a pizza and a Jew?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in an oven.
Q: What is a real Jewish delema?
A: Free Ham
Q: What is a Jewish pervert's
favorite pickup line?
A: Hey little girl, wanna buy a piece of candy?
Q: What's the difference between
A: With crusifixian they throw away the whole Jew.
Q: Why do Jews have such big
A: Air is free.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #86
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife
and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #186 on 97-08-28
Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the Vacuum cleaner.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #193
Q: What's the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips.....
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: How does a Jewish couple do it "doggie style?"
A: He sits up & begs; she lays down and plays dead.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #260 - Quickies!
on 98-07-18 (S77)
Q: What happens when a Jew walks into a wall
with a fully erect penis?
A: He breaks his nose.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #201 on 98-08-29
Q: What's the difference between a Jewish Mother
and a Rottweiler?
A: Eventually the Rottweiler lets go.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess
and an bowl of Jell-O?
A: The Jell-O moves when you eat it.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/24/2005 (S425b
Q: What do you call a Jewish homosexual?
A: A He-blew
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/7/2006 (S504b)
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark.
I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
From: pns on 10/30/2003 (S352b in how_many)
Q: How many sons does it take to change a light bulb
for one Jewish mother?
A: None. Don't worry about your mother. You go have a
good time. I'll just sit here in the dark, again. Alone.
Q: How many Jewish Princesses
does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: What? And wreck my nails?
A: Two. One to get the diet Cokes out of the fridge and
the other to call Daddy.