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Subj: Native Jokes
          (Includes 61 jokes and articles, 10 1022,7,cif,wXT4a,5)

Natives Cookin  from
Millanimations
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Includes the following:  Strange Brew - Cartoon (S640b)
.........................Picture And The Tooth Brush (S49, S516c)
.........................39 Cents - Saturday Night Live (S926)
.........................Missionary Teaches Chief English (S183, S897)
.........................The Golden Throne (S185, S574)
.........................The Missionary And A White Baby II - Comic Strip (S416b)
.........................The Missionary And A White Baby (S20)
.........................African King Proposes Marriage (S448b)
.........................60 Most Powerful Photos (S900)
.........................Cannibal Riddle (S301b)
.........................The Magical Elevator - Comic Strip (S477c)
.........................Cannibal Riddle II (S404b)
.........................Some Thoughts On Cannibals (S287b, DU)
.........................Cannibals Capture French,English,andNw Yrkr (S189, DU)
.........................Foreskin (S184, DU)
.........................Girl Who Grew Up in the African Wild -  Web Page (S903)
.........................Minister Tries To Convert The Tribe (S186)
.........................Picking Fruit (S187)
.........................Short Native Jokes (DU)
..............................Cannibals Drink Victim's Blood (S195)
..............................Pearls Before Swine - Comic Strip (S1022)
..............................African Marriage (S189)

Also see ARAB file    - 'Two English At A Native Restraunt'
         DOCTOR3 file - 'Doctor Gives Sex Talk To Naive Groom'
         ENGINEERS2   - 'Five Cannibals Become Engineers'
         FART file    - 'Three Eskimos Brag'
         GAMES file   - 'BJ roulette'
......................- 'African Roulette'
         MATH2 file   - 'Pregnant Indian Math'
......................- 'Pythagorean's Theorem'
         PENIS2 file  - 'Husband Visits Witch Doctor For Impotency'
         RABBI file   - 'Priest, Rabbi, Witchdoctor and A Fly'
         STRANDED file- 'Stranded On Island With Natives'
         WEDDING file - 'The Wedding Night And Teeth'
===========================================================Top
Subj:     Strange Brew (S640b)
          by John Deering on 4/12/2009
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/strangebrew/2009/04/12
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Top
Subj:     Picture And The Tooth Brush (S49, S516c)

 An interesting little anecdote I once heard which is
 supposed to be true.  A couple were vacationing in
 Jamaica for a week, but half way through they found
 that their room had been broken into.  Nothing had
 been stolen, however upon getting back home and
 receiving their developed photos, there were a couple
 of pictures of the perpetrators from the break-in,
 their tour guide shoving their toothbrushes up his
 asses.

Top
Subj:     39 Cents - Saturday Night Live (S926d)
          Published by: Saturday Night Live
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/MEb_epsuLqA

 This Saturday Night Live sketch features guest host Bill
 Hader as Charles Daniels, the philanthropy fund spokesperson.
 The clip opens with shots of an unnamed African village,
 where residents pass the time by gazing longingly into the
 camera and dolefully stirring pots of stew.

 "For only 39 cents a day," Daniels says to his viewers,
 "you can provide water, food and medicine for these people...
 That's less than a small cup of coffee."

 "Ask for more," whispers a villager played by Jay Pharoah.
 "Why you starting so low?"

 Click 'HERE' to see this very funny, and very true skit.
 

Top
Subj:     Missionary Teaches Chief English (S183, S897)
          From: auntiegah on 12/6/2006
      and From: tom on 3/25/2014

 A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of
 natives how to farm and build things to be self-
 sufficient gets word that he is to return home.  He
 thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach
 these natives how to speak English, so he takes the
 chief and starts walking in the forest.

 He points to a tree and tells the chief, "this is a tree."

 The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "tree."

 The missionary is pleased with the response.  They walk
 a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says,
 "this is a rock."

 At which the chief looks and grunts, "rock."

 The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results
 when he hears a rustling in the bushes.  As he peaks over
 the top he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic
 activity.  The padre is really flustered and quickly
 responds, "riding a bike."

 The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow
 gun and kills them.

 The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he
 has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized
 and kind to each other,  so... how could he kill these
 people.

 The chief replied, "my bike."

Top
Subj:     The Golden Throne (S185, S574)
          From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/26/97

 This missionary got sent to evangelize among the Fuzzie
 Wuzzies on Bongo Bongo but was having little success.  He
 approached the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies to see what
 would be necessary to engender his cooperation.  The King
 had seen pictures of European kings and queens sitting on
 thrones, and he told the missionary that he would have the
 entire tribe convert if only he could have a golden throne.
 The missionary wrote home to the Home Mission Board to tell
 them of this marvelous opportunity; could they please send
 him a golden throne?  So they sent him one (okay, it wasn't
 solid gold, but the King liked it a lot), and the whole
 tribe converted and the missionary was a big success.

 In his later years, however, the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies
 got kind of arthritic and decided that sitting on his hard
 old golden throne was exacerbating his aches and pains, so
 he stashed the throne up in the attic of his little grass
 shack.  Sure enough, one day the throne came crashing
 through the ceiling and squashed the old King of the Fuzzie
 Wuzzies.

 Which only goes to show that people who live in grass
 houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Top
Subj:     The Missionary And A White Baby II (S416b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2005
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)

 (Also see text version below)

 To view this Sunday comic strip, click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     The Missionary And A White Baby (S20)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 (Also see The Missionary And A White Baby II above)

 A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes
 to live with a tribe therein.  He spends years with the
 people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian
 ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of
 sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!

 One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth
 to a white child.  The village is shocked and the chief is
 sent by his people to talk with the missionary. "You have
 taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman
 gives birth to a white child.  You are the only white man
 that has ever set foot in our village.  It doesn't take a
 genius to work out what has been going on!"

 The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man.  You are
 mistaken.  What you have here is a natural occurrence - what
 is called an albino.  Look to thy yonder field.  See a field
 of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one.
 Nature does this on occasion."

 The chief pauses for a moment then says "Tell you what, you
 don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything
 about the white child"

Top
Subj:     African King Proposes Marriage (S448b)
          From: philsam on 8/15/2005

 The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on
 a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a
 very important client.  The client out of the blue asks her
 to marry him.  Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.
 However, she remembers what her boss told her ...don't reject
 the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade
 the businessman from wanting to marry her.

 So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will
 only marry you under three conditions.  First, I want my
 engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching
 200-carat diamond tiara."

 The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and
 says, "No problem! I have. I have."

 Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to
 the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York.
 As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the
 best wine country in France."

 The African king pauses for awhile.  He whips out his cellular
 phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France.  He
 looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build.
 I build."

 Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary
 knows that she'd better make this a good one.  She takes her
 time to think and finally she gets an idea.  A sure-to-work
 condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says,
 rather coldly, "Since I truly enjoy sex, I want the man I marry
 to be endowed with a 14 inches of manhood."

 The king seems a bit disturbed.  He cups his face with his hands
 and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in
 native dialect.

 Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his
 head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay.
 I cut. I cut..."

Top
Subj:     60 Most Powerful Photos (S900d)
          From: AFine963 on 4/15/2014
 Source: (Removed from news.distractify.com)

 The 60 Most Powerful Photos Ever Taken That Perfectly Capture The Human Experience

 This incredible collection of moments represents the joy,
 innocence, despair, curiosity, and undying perseverance
 within all of us. No matter where we're from, these are
 the emotions that unite us - it's what makes us human.
 We set out to capture this spirit in 60 incredible
 photographs, and I truly hope you enjoy.
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A Mursi tribe woman discovers Vogue magazine
in Ethiopia. Click 
 to see an enlargement.
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Top
Subj:     Cannibal Riddle (S301b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 11/3/2002

 What you call the cannibal who eats his mother's sister?

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ANSWER

Aunteater

Top
Subj:     Cannibal Riddle II (S404b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 02-16-2004

 One evening, the Chompem Cannibals of Drybone Island threw
 a dinner party, one of those bring-a-friend get-togethers.
 Six cannibals turned up and they decided to eat each other
 in turn.  So someone was selected for everyone to eat
 (except the victim!), and when he had been eaten, someone
 else was selected, and so on.  If it took one cannibal two
 hours on his own to devour one person, how long was it
 before just one consumer remained?

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ANSWER

 It took 4 hours 34 minutes for one cannibal to remain.  It
 took 5 cannibals, 2/5 hours to eat the first victim, four
 cannibals 2/4 hours to devour the second, three cannibals
 2/3 hours for the third, two cannibals 2/2 hours for the
 fourth and one cannibal 2/1 hours for the fifth. One could
 argue that stomach contents increase a cannibal's edible
 volume when he is the victim.  However, if the further
 interpretation is granted that these contents also turn a
 cannibal as consumer into more than one cannibal, the
 original solution is restored!

Top
Subj:     The Magical Elevator (S477c)
          From: gattica30 on 3/7/2006

 You can view this eleven-panel cartoon strip by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Some Thoughts On Cannibals (S287b, DU)
          From: pns on 7/29/2002

 The Pillsbury dough boy turns 30 this year.  Do we give him
    a cake for his birthday?  Isn't that cannibalism?
    (Contributed by Juneisy)
 If a cow were to eat a hamburger would it then be a cannibal?
    (Contributed by Jean Young)
 Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?
    (Contributed by Don F.)
 If a cannibal ate a Chinese guy would he be hungry again
    in an hour? (Contributed by Don F.)
 Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
    taste funny? (Contributed by Don F.)
 Would a self-eating cannibal ever be able to finish his
    meal? (Contributed by Don F.)
 What does a cannibal do when he gets fed up with people?
   (Contributed by Jim Adams)
 If people who shun meat are vegetarians are cannibals
    then considered to be humanitarians?  (Contributed by
    Jim Moore Jr.)
 Is putting mulch around a tree considered cannibalism?
    (Contributed by Don F.)
 Do cannibals get engaged to be marinated? (Contributed
    by Penfold)
 Is it true that cannibals have baked beings for lunch?
    (Contributed by Paul P.)
 Do you think that cannibalism should be grounds for
    leaniancy in murder trials? (Contributed by John F.)
 You know how hunters are able to kill animals for food?
    Well, if a cannibal kills a person to eat them, aren't
    THEY killing for food as well? (Contributed by Justin)

Top
Subj:     Cannibals Capture French,English,And New Yorker (S189, DU)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/13/2000

 A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured
 by cannibals.  The chief comes to them and says, "The bad
 news is that now we've caught you and we're going to use
 your skins to build a canoe.  The good news is that you can
 choose how to die."

 The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword."

 The chief gives him a sword.

 The Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself
 through.

 The Englishman says, "A pistol for me please."

 The chief gives him a pistol.

 The Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save
 the queen!" and shoots himself.

 The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."

 The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
 The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself
 all over.  The chief asks, "My God, what are you doing?"

 And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your damn canoe!"

Top
Subj:     Foreskin (S184, DU)

 There was this tribe in the outback and all the boys had
 to undergo the a ritual to become young men.  As part of
 this ritual all the boys had to be circumcised.  Once they
 were finally circumcised an Elder said to the young men,
 "You cannot throw your foreskins away.  You must find a
 use for them.  It is our custom."

 So all the young men carried gathered their foreskins
 together and went off into to the bush to decide what.
 They decided to make a present for the Elder.  An hour
 later they came to the elder to show them what they had
 made.

 "What is this?," questioned the Elder.

 "It is a wallet made out of our foreskins," replied one
 young man.

 "This is not very impressive", the Elder said looking
 disappointed.

 "Give it a rub and it will turn into a suitcase."

Top
Subj:     Girl Who Grew Up in the African Wild (S903d)
          From: bill7808 on 4/30/2014
 Source1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tippi_Degr%C3%A9
 Source2: http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=68043

 Some of the pics are certainly staged, but Tippi Degre did
 spend her childhood in the wilds of Africa.

 A white child, she was born in Namibia to French wildlife
 photographer, Alain Degre, and his wife, Sylvie Robert.
 Tippi spent her whole childhood till the age of ten with
 wild animals including lion cubs, a mongoose, a snake, a
 cheetah, baby zebra, giraffes and crocodiles.  The little
 girl saw nothing unusual about her company. "I don't have
 friends here. Because I never see children.  So the animals
 are my friends, she once said."

 At the age of ten Tippi moving to Paris, France, with her
 parents, and grew up to be a lovely French woman. She
 returned to Africa to make six nature documentaries for
 the Discovery Channel.  These pictures of her childhood
 are just gorgeous.  Click 'HERE' to see these photos.

Top
Subj:     Minister Tries To Convert The Tribe (S186)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97

 Catholic minister went into deepest Africa in an attempt to
 work with and convert the tribe to the Catholic religion.
 He wasn't able to speak the language very well, so he hired
 a member of the tribe to help translate what he wanted to
 say to the tribe. He asked for and received permission from
 the Chief of the tribe, to speak to the whole tribal popul-
 ation at once.  He got up on a very large boulder that over-
 looked the central area of the tribal village.  As he spoke,
 his translator was by his side on the boulder, and he trans-
 lated all that the minister was saying.

 "If you let me- I will show you how to dig in the ground and
 get good water to drink and cook with". "Hoon-gow-wa!" was
 the large response from the tribespeople.  "I can show you
 how you can capture animals without leaving your village".
 "Hoon-gow-wa" shouted all the tribe!! (By this time-the
 minister was very happy with his effort)  "And if you will
 let me- I will show you a way to make peace with the other
 tribes that are trying to take your land and your women".
 "HOON-GOW-WA" was the enormous response, that was so loud,
 that it scared away the wild birds in the nearby trees! This
 was the end of his talk and he was invited to a large feast
 and much dancing.  The minister was well received by the
 tribe-indeed!

 Later that afternoon, the translator came up to the minister
 and said "The Chief of our people said that you have given
 him much joy.  As a sign of his appreciation, he would like
 to take you on a tour of animals and tribal land".  Well,
 the Minister was absolutely delighted at the acceptance that
 he had been shown!  He Thanked the Chief and told him that
 he felt honored by the Chief's offer.  So the Chief, Minister,
 translator, and four warriors went walking through the small
 kingdom.  As the Chief gave the minister the guided tour, the
 translator explained the different places that the Chief was
 showing the minister. He was shown a large sparkling stream-
 that was their water source.  They they all walked up a steep
 knoll that overlooked a large area that was bountiful in deer
 and elk- that was the meat supply.  Then after another hour
 of walking, the party came on a very large lush green pasture
 that looked to have about a 100 cows (to the best guess of
 the Minister), the Chief said something to the translator and
 pointed, and the Minister asked "What did he say?"

 "My Chief tells you to watch your step on this path, and to be
 careful not to step in the Hoon-Gow-Wa".

Top
Subj:     Picking Fruit (S187)
          From: ipkis on 97-07-11

 There were three men who were lost in the forest.  They
 were then captured by cannibals.  The cannibal king then
 told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the
 trial.  First step of the trial is to go to the forest
 with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of
 fruit.  So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

 The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought
 ten apples."  The king then explains the trial to him.  You
 have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression
 on your face or you'll be eaten.  The first apple went in...
 but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was
 killed and went to heaven.

 The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits
 were berries.  When the king explained the trial to him he
 thought to himself that this should be easy.

 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the ninth berry
 he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

 The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.  The first
 one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with
 it?"  The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw
 the third guy coming with watermelons."


Subj:     Short Native Jokes (DU)
 

Top
Subj:     Cannibals Drink Victim's Blood (S195)
          From: bennoro on 10/8/00
 A victim of a shipwreck was washed ashore on a remote
 Pacific Island and was immediately captured by a band
 of cannibals.  After being tied to a stake, the haples
 captive was slashed in the arms and forced to watch as
 the savages drank his blood

 After several days of this, the poor fellow called called
 for the cannibal king.'you can kill me if you want to, but
 this torture has got to stop,'he protested.'I'm tired of
 being stuck for the drinks!'
 

Top
Subj:     Pearls Before Swine (S1022)
          By Stephan Pastis on 8/9/2016
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2016/08/09
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Top
Subj:     African Marriage (S189)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/15/2000
 The son came home from school and asked his father, "Today
 I learned that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know
 his wife until he marries her.

 Dad replied, "That happens in most countries, son."
 

 How do you describe the average cannibal?
    A guy with a wife and ate children.  --  Corey Jones

 What's the biggest advanage of being a cannibal abortionst?
    You do not have to go out for lunch.  --  Eric ? gang

 Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother
    in the woods one day?  --  Neil Heiman

 Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled
    from school for buttering up his teacher?

 Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy.

 Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.

 One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like.

 Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says,
   "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law."
 The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes.

 The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you
 done eating yet?"
 The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

 One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of
    cannibals.  There, people cost $2 but politicians cost
    $25.  The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians
    cost so much?"  The chief answered, "Do you know how hard
    it is to clean one of those?"

 A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him
    with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
    Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can
    kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck
    for drinks."

From: Anaise on 98-05-24
 Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after
 a large meal.

 "Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said.

 "Thanks," his friend replied, "I'm gonna miss her"

From: drgolfmd on 9/22/2004 (S402b)
 Jeffrey Dahmer invites his mother over for dinner one night.
 In the middle of dinner, his mom says, "Jeffrey, I just
 don't like your friends."

 "Ma," Jeffrey says, "try the vegetables."
 

 Q: What is the ultimate in courage?
 A: Two cannibals having oral sex.

 Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies
    and a ladies track team?
 A: A tribe of pygmies is a cunning bunch of runts.

 Q: "Should I boil the new missionary?" asked the cannibal?
 A: "No" replied the chief, "He's a friar."

 Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner?
 A: His wife gave him the cold shoulder.

 Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
 A: Wiped his butt.

 Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
 A: They taste funny.

From: ipkis on 97-12-03
 Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
 A: When everyone's eaten.

 Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
 A: A celebrity roast.

 Q: Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture?
 A: Eatin' Allen's.

 Q: What did the cannibal give his wife for Valentine's Day?
 A: A box of farmer's fannies.

 Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert?
 A: Chocolate covered aunts.

 Q: What do cannibals make out of politicians?
 A: Bologna sandwiches.

 Q: What is a cannibal's favorite game?
 A: Swallow the leader.

 Q: Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant?
 A: Dinner costs an arm and a leg.

 Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food?
 A: He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
 Q: WHY DON'T PYGMIES WEAR TAMPONS?
 A: They keep stepping on the strings.

From: kgilmour2000 on 3/13/2012 (S792)
 Q: Why don't cannibals eat Pentecostals?
 A: They keep throwing up their hands.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
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..........................From Smiley_Central
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