(Includes 9 jokes and articles, 27710n,5,cf)
Swedish flag from
Animation Factory
| Subj:
Swedish-Northern European Jokes
(Includes 9 jokes and articles, 27710n,5,cf) |
|
Swedish flag from Animation Factory |
Also see CLOTHING file- 'Two
Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
FACTS3 file - 'Creative
Trash Cans'
HEADLINES-SUP- 'Honey,
I'm home! - Norwegian Airlines Ad' - Movie
HUNTING-SUPP - 'Ole's Hunting
Accident'
Ig Nobel file- 'Public
Health Prize'
JEWISH2 file - 'Israeli
Stud And The Blonde'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Sex
Free Marriage'
OTHER-NATNLTS- 'How
Yodeling Was Invented'
PENIS2 file - 'Scandinavian
Ketchup Technique'
WAITER-Waitrs- 'Stockholm
Restraunt's Toilet Seats'
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Subj: Sven
Looks For A Job (S700b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/8/2010
Sven was looking for a job and
heard that their was an
opening for a janitor at the
local Lutheran church.
He applied for the job and the
interview went very well.
"You have the job," he was told,
"just sign this paper."
Sven made a big "X" on the paper.
"What's that?" he
was asked.
"That's my mark."
"You're supposed to sign your name."
"That's my mark," Sven replied, "I cannot read or write."
"What? We're sorry to work
here you have to be able to
sign your name."
Well, Sven finally got himself
a job as a mate on a
tugboat, and eventually he became
captain of his own
tugboat.
He did well for himself and eventually
had a fleet of
ships of his own and became
one of the wealthiest men
in the community.
One day the mayor decided to
honor him for setting
such a good example for other
immigrants, and what
they can accomplish with hard
work and ingenuity.
The mayor says, "Sven, we want
to give you the key
to the city! Just sign
this form."
Sven made a big "X" on the paper.
"What's that?" he was asked.
"That's my mark."
"Your mark?" The mayor asked.
"Aih, I cannot read or write, so that's my mark."
"You accomplished all of this
not being able to
read or write?" The mayor exclaimed.
"Just think
what you could have done if
you could read and write!"
"Yes," Sven said. "I could have been a church janitor."
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Subj:
Danish Washing Machine Commercial (S632b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/19/2009 (in Headlines and Ads) |
This commercial is a skydive
advertisement for the Danish
Siemens washing machine which
sells for about $900. Click
on one of the above sources,
or 'HERE' for my file
version,
to see this spectacular ad.
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Subj: Ole
And The Hooker (S636b)
From: tom on 3/13/2009
(See 'Guy
Gets Help During Car Sex' in Cars2)
Ole was walking home late at
night, through the park,
and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars," she whispers.
He's never been with a hooker
before, so he figures,
"what the hell, it's only twenty
bucks.."
So they hide in the bushes and
are going at it for a
minute when all of a sudden
a light flashes on them.
It's a police officer.
"What's going on here people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making luff to my wife," Ole answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry" says the cop. "I didn't know."
"Vell," Ole says, "I didn't either
until you flashed
that damn light in her face."
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| Subj:
World's Deepest Garbage Can (S666b)
From: kgilmour2000 on 10/15/2009 Photo from
Google.com...
|
 |
Volkswagen has launched Rolighetsteorin,
an online
campaign in Sweden dedicated
to the theory that
happiness is the key to changing
social behavior.
Three viral videos show that
people can be motivated
to take on lifestyle changes
with the promise of a
bit of fun.
In this video people to search
for garbage to pickup
and put in the world's deepest
garbage can. Click on
the above source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this
video.
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Subj: Swiss
Seeks Directions (S216, S584)
From: flovilla on 3/23/2001
A Swiss guy, looking for directions,
pulls up at a bus stop
where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen
Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare
at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"
he tries. The two
continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing. The Swiss
guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the
second and says, "Y'know,
maybe we should learn a foreign
language."
"Why?" says the other. "That
guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."
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Subj:
Piano Staircase (S666b)
From: kgilmour2000 on 10/15/2009 Photo from YouTube.com |
Volkswagen has launched Rolighetsteorin,
an online
campaign in Sweden dedicated
to the theory that
happiness is the key to changing
social behavior.
Three viral videos show that
people can be motivated
to take on lifestyle changes
with the promise of a
bit of fun.
”Take the stairs instead of the
escalator or elevator
and feel better” is something
we often hear. Few people
actually follow that advice.
Can we get more people to
take the stairs over the escalator
by making it fun?
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy,
to see this video.
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Subj: Sven
And Ole Apply For Unemployment (S190, DU)
From: RFSlick on 9/23/00
Sven and Ole worked together
were both laid off, so off they
went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation,
Sven looked the lady in the
eye and said "Panty stitcher. I
sew the elastic onto cotton
panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher.
Finding it classed as
unskilled labor, she gave him
$300 a week unemployment pay.
Then Ole goes in and sits down
with the lady. She asked Ole
his occupation. "Diesel fitter",
he replied.
Since diesel fitters was a skilled
job the clerk gave the
Ole $600 a week.
When Sven found out he was furious.
He stormed back in to
find out why his friend and
co-worker, Ole, was collecting
double his unemployment pay.
The clerk explained: "When I
looked it up, panty-stitchers
were unskilled laborers and
diesel fitters were skilled
laborers."
Skill!..."What skill?" yelled
Sven. "I sew the elastic on.
He pulls on it and says,....."Yep,
diesel fitter".
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Subj: Olaf
Dies In A Fire (DU)
From: The Bartenders Joke on 10/30/97
Olaf died in a fire and his body
was so badly burned that
the morgue needed someone to
I.D. the body. So they
called up his two friends, Swen
and Lars, to come and try
to I.D. the body.
Swen went in and the mortician
pulled back the sheet, and
Swen said "Yaa, he's burnt pretty
bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him
over, and Swen looked at his
ass and said "No, dat
ain't Olaf."
The mortician didn't say anything,
but thought that was
kind of strange. Then
he brought in Lars to I.D. the
body, and Lars looked at him
and said "Yaa, he's burnt
real bad; roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over,
and Lars looked down at
his ass and said "No, dat ain't
Olaf."
The mortician said "How can you
tell?" Lars said, "Well,
Olaf had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yaa, everyone in town knew he
had two assholes. Every
time the three of us went to
town, everyone would say
"Here comes Olaf with them two
assholes!"
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Subj: Short
Sweedish Jokes
| Subj:
HEMA Department Store Ad (S658 in Headlines)
From: lubin100 on 8/9/2009 Source: http://producten.hema.nl/ |
 |
Take a look at HEMA's product
page. You can't order
anything (it's in Dutch, anyway)
but just wait a couple
of seconds and watch what happens..
Don't click on any of the item
pictures, just wait and
see what happens. This
company has a sense of humor and
a great computer programmer!!
Top
Subj: The
Difference Between A Norwegian And A Canoe (S573)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008
Lars, the bartender, asked Ole,
"Do ya know da difference
between a Norwegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," answered
Ole. "A canoe will sometimes
tip," explained Lars.
Until 1965, driving was done
on the left-hand side on roads
in Sweden. The conversion
to right-hand was done on a week-
day at 5pm. All traffic
stopped as people switched sides.
This time and day were chosen
to prevent accidents where
drivers would have gotten up
in the morning and been too
sleepy to realize *this* was
the day of the changeover.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/12/2005
(S442b - political2)
Happiness is a Swedish sunset;
it is there for all, but
most of us look the other way
and lose it. -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/22/2005
(S457b - slogans)
"Worry often gives a small thing
a big shadow".
-- Swedish Proverb
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Smiley the Viking from
Smiliemania.da |