Subj:     Swedish-Northern European Jokes
..........(Includes 16 jokes, 28 1121n,11,cf,wT2,7)
..........Updated through The Saga of Bjorn

Swedish flag from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Norwegian Wedding - Video (S987)
.........................Danish Washing Machine Commercial - Video (S632b)
.........................Ole, Sven and Lars Win Prizes (S798)
.........................HMKG Norwegian Drill Team On Ice - Video (S793)
.........................Olaf Dies In A Fire (DU)
.........................The Saga of Bjorn - Video (S740)
.........................Sven Looks For A Job (S700b)
.........................Danish Speed Control - Video (S727)
.........................Ole And The Hooker (S636b)
.........................World's Deepest Garbage Can - Video (S666b)
.........................Swiss Seeks Directions (S216, S584)
.........................Piano Staircase - Video (S666b)
.........................Two Scandinavian Pastors Post A Sign (S908)
.........................Sven And Ole Apply For Unemployment (S190, S780)
.........................Auction Of The Year - Video (S847)
.........................Short Sweedish Jokes
..............................HEMA Department Store Ad (S658)
..............................The Difference Between A Norwegian And A Canoe (S573, S783)

Also see ANIMAL-SUPP  - 'TED: Lifelike Kinetic Sculptures' - Video
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Swedish Self-Cleaning Toilet' - Video
         CLOTHING file- 'Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
         FACTS3 file  - 'Creative Trash Cans'
.........FIREMEN file - 'Eric, a Firefighter In Denmark' - Video
.........FISHING1 file- 'Ole Won A Fishing Boat'
.........HEADLINES-SUP- 'Honey, I'm home! - Norwegian Airlines Ad' - Video
         HUNTING-SUPP - 'Ole's Hunting Accident'
         Ig Nobel file- 'Public Health Prize'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Israeli Stud And The Blonde'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Sex Free Marriage'
         MUSIC2-SUPP  - 'Michael Winslow - Whole Lotta Love by Zeppelin - Video
......................- 'Playing The Spoons' - Music Video
         OTHER-NATNLTS- 'How Yodeling Was Invented'
         OTHER-SPORTS - 'Icelandic Soccer Toilet Celebration' - Video
         OTH-SPTS-SUPP- 'Slopeflying in Stryn, Norway' - Video
         PENIS2 file  - 'Scandinavian Ketchup Technique'
         PREGNANT-SUPP- 'Lena Is Pregnant With Ole's Child'
         SEX2 file    - 'Elk Sex' - Photo/Joke
         SIGNS-N-NAMES- 'Texting While Walking Warning Sign'
         WAITER-Waitrs- 'Stockholm Restraunt's Toilet Seats'

Subj:     Norwegian Wedding (S987)
          From: bill7808 in 2015 (d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/bUFgYjKz70o
.......Click 'HERE' to see this very beautiful wedding.
Subj:     Danish Washing
.............Machine Commercial
          (in Headlines and Ads)
          in 2009 (S632b, S847d-On Site)
 Source: www.liveleak.com/view?i=355_1229516310

 This 2008 commercial is a skydive advertisement for the
 Danish Siemens washing machine, which sells for about $900.
 In it more than a hundred bare-breasted women skydive
 from a plane. Click 'HERE' to see this the best TV
 commercial ever.

Subj:     Ole, Sven and Lars Win Prizes
          From: virv in 2012 (S798)

 (Also see 'Two Rednecks Win At Wal-Mart' in Redneck-supp)

 Ole, Sven and Lars had been going to the Sons of Norway hall
 meeting as long as there had  been a hall.  Every month they
 had an attendance drawing.  And every month, wouldn't ya know
 it, they didn't win a prize in the prize drawing, that is
 until a meeting when all three won in the same night.

 Sven was the first to get his name drawn.  He won two pounds
 of spaghetti sauce, 4 boxes of noodles and three pounds of
 Swedish meatballs.

 Ole had his name drawn next.  He got himself round-trip tickets
 to Duluth, a night's stay in the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of
 tickets to see the Inger Triplets Polka Ensemble.  Ole thought
 he had died and gone to heaven.

 Lars was the last to be drawn and he won a toilet brush.

 At the next monthly meeting they sat down together to check
 out how they had fared for the past month.

 Sven said "Uff-da I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It vas so
 good, Helga didn't have to buy any food for dem deare tree days."

 Ole said "  Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets.
 The trip up to Duluth vas nice, ve got to ride da Greyhound and
 ya know, dey got a built-in outhouse on dat dere bus.  And dose
 Inger Triplets - if I didn't know better, I would swear dae were

 Then Ole turned to Lars and asked him how his prize worked out.
 Lars looked at them both and said,

 "Vell, dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back
 to using paper."

Subj:     HMKG Norwegian Drill Team On Ice
          From: AFine963
..........in 2012 (S793d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/7gS7iq3S1ME

 His Majesty The King's Guards Band and Drill Team of Norway
 performed at the 2004 Norwegian Military Tattoo.  All the
 precision drills were performed on ICE!!  Those rifles are
 US made Garand M-1 (WWII).  Watch when that one fellow spins
 his rifle solo.

 Click 'HERE' to see this amazing, precision band and drill
 team.  They are worth the look.

Subj:     Olaf Dies In A Fire (DU)
          From: The Bartenders Joke in 1997

 Olaf died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that
 the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body.  So they
 called up his two friends, Swen and Lars, to come and try
 to I.D. the body.

 Swen went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and
 Swen said "Yaa, he's burnt pretty bad.  Roll him over."
 So the mortician rolled him over, and Swen looked at his
 ass and said  "No, dat ain't Olaf."

 The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was
 kind of strange.  Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the
 body, and Lars looked at him and said "Yaa, he's burnt
 real bad; roll him over."

 The mortician rolled him over, and Lars looked down at
 his ass and said "No, dat ain't Olaf."

 The mortician said "How can you tell?"  Lars said, "Well,
 Olaf had two assholes."

 "What?  He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

 "Yaa, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.  Every
 time the three of us went to town, everyone would say
 "Here comes Olaf with them two assholes!"

Subj:     The Saga of Bjorn (S740)
          by Nazgul (d-iFrame)
          From: Fragg.me in 2011
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/MV5w262XvCU

 Bjorn, an old Viking, is determined to reach Valhalla, the
 warrior's afterlife full of excessive drinking and debauchery.
 To gain entry he has to die honorably in battle, but he
 discovers that the right death isn't so easy.  Click on
 'HERE' to see this well done animation.

Subj:     Sven Looks For A Job (S700b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/8/2010

 Sven was looking for a job and heard that their was an
 opening for a janitor at the local Lutheran church.

 He applied for the job and the interview went very well.
 "You have the job," he was told, "just sign this paper."

 Sven made a big "X" on the paper. "What's that?" he
 was asked.

 "That's my mark."

 "You're supposed to sign your name."

 "That's my mark," Sven replied, "I cannot read or write."

 "What?  We're sorry to work here you have to be able to
  sign your name."

 Well, Sven finally got himself a job as a mate on a
 tugboat, and eventually he became captain of his own

 He did well for himself and eventually had a fleet of
 ships of his own and became one of the wealthiest men
 in the community.

 One day the mayor decided to honor him for setting
 such a good example for other immigrants, and what
 they can accomplish with hard work and ingenuity.

 The mayor says, "Sven, we want to give you the key
 to the city!  Just sign this form."

 Sven made a big "X" on the paper.

 "What's that?" he was asked.

 "That's my mark."

 "Your mark?" The mayor asked.

 "Aih, I cannot read or write, so that's my mark."

 "You accomplished all of this not being able to
  read or write?" The mayor exclaimed. "Just think
  what you could have done if you could read and write!"

 "Yes," Sven said. "I could have been a church janitor."

Subj:     Danish Speed Control (S727d)
          From: JOELFALLON on 12/16/2010
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/cs1j-iZc34g

 In this episode of "Spotlight on the World", the
 Danish speed control method called Bikini Bandits
 is exposed.  Click 'HERE' to see this cute video
 with nudity.

Subj:     Ole And The Hooker (S636b)
          From: tom on 3/13/2009

 (See 'Guy Gets Help During Car Sex' in Cars2)

 Ole was walking home late at night, through the park,
 and sees a woman in the shadows.

 "Twenty dollars," she whispers.

 He's never been with a hooker before, so he figures,
 "what the hell, it's only twenty bucks.."

 So they hide in the bushes and are going at it for a
 minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.
 It's a police officer.

 "What's going on here people?" asks the officer.

 "I'm making luff to my wife," Ole answers indignantly.

 "Oh, I'm sorry" says the cop. "I didn't know."

 "Vell," Ole says, "I didn't either until you flashed
 that damn light in her face."

Subj:     World's Deepest Garbage Can (S666b,d)
          From: kgilmour2000 on 10/15/2009
Photo from Google.com...
 Source: http://theinspirationroom.com/daily

 Volkswagen has launched Rolighetsteorin, an online
 campaign in Sweden dedicated to the theory that
 happiness is the key to changing social behavior.
 Three viral videos show that people can be motivated
 to take on lifestyle changes with the promise of a
 bit of fun.

 In this video, people search for garbage to pickup
 and put in the world's deepest garbage can. Click on
 'HERE' to see this video.

Subj:     Swiss Seeks Directions (S216, S584)
          From: flovilla on 3/23/2001

 A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop
 where two Americans are waiting.  "Entschuldigung, koennen
 Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.  The two Americans just stare
 at him.

 "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
 continue to stare.

 "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
 Still nothing.  The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

 The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know,
 maybe we should learn a foreign language."

 "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
 didn't do him any good."

Subj:     Piano Staircase (S666b,d)
          From: kgilmour2000 on 10/15/2009
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://theinspirationroom.com/daily

 Volkswagen has launched Rolighetsteorin, an online
 campaign in Sweden dedicated to the theory that
 happiness is the key to changing social behavior.
 Three viral videos show that people can be motivated
 to take on lifestyle changes with the promise of a
 bit of fun.

 "Take the stairs instead of the escalator or elevator
 and feel better" is something we often hear. Few people
 actually follow that advice.  Can we get more people to
 take the stairs over the escalator by making it fun?
 Click 'HERE' to see this video.

Subj:     Two Scandinavian Pastors Post A Sign (S908)
          From: tom on 6/5/2014

 Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Catholic Church,
 and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Lutheran
 Church across the road.  One day they are seen pounding
 a sign into the ground that read:
 As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his
 window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian
 religious nuts!"

 From the curve, they hear screeching tires and a big
 splash.  Shaking his head, Rev. Ole says, "Dat's da terd
 one dis mornin'."

 "Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe
 da sign should yust say, Bridge Out?"

Subj:     Sven And Ole Apply For Unemployment (S190, S780)
          From: RFSlick on 9/23/00
      and From: virv on 11/27/2011

 Sven and Ole worked together were both laid off, so off they
 went to the unemployment office.  When asked his occupation,
 Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher.  I
 sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

 The clerk looked up panty stitcher.  Finding it classed as
 unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

 Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole
 his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.

 Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the
 Ole $600 a week.

 When Sven found out he was furious.  He stormed back in to
 find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting
 double his unemployment pay.  The clerk explained: "When I
 looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and
 diesel fitters were skilled laborers."

 Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven. "I sew the elastic on.
 He pulls on it and says,....."Yep, diesel fitter".

Subj:     Auction Of The Year (S847d)
          From: tom on 4/4/2013
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/3e0yZCLjwfU
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/FnG0L_8uXlo

 A Ming Vase sells for 1,000,000 Euros in this 2007 Finland
 commercial for Bayer Aspirin Cardio. Click 'HERE' to see
 this cute, funny commercial.

Subj:     Short Sweedish Jokes

Subj:     HEMA Department Store Ad (S658 in Headlines)
          From: lubin100 on 8/9/2009
 Source: http://producten.hema.nl/
 HEMA, a Dutch department store, first store opened on
 November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam.  Now there are 150 stores
 all over the Netherlands.

 Take a look at HEMA's product page.  You can't order
 anything (it's in Dutch, anyway) but just wait a couple
 of seconds and watch what happens..

 Don't click on any of the item pictures, just wait and
 see what happens.  This company has a sense of humor and
 a great computer programmer!!

Subj:     The Difference Between A Norwegian And A Canoe (S573, S783)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008
      and From: virv on 1/10/2012
 Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference
 between a Norwegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," answered
 Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.

 Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads
 in Sweden.  The conversion to right-hand was done on a week-
 day at 5pm.  All traffic stopped as people switched sides.
 This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where
 drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too
 sleepy to realize *this* was the day of the changeover.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/12/2005 (S442b - political2)
 Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but
 most of us look the other way and lose it.  -- Mark Twain

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/22/2005 (S457b - slogans)
 "Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow".
    -- Swedish Proverb

                           -(o o)-
.......................Viking from Smiliemania.da