Subj:     Chinese Jokes
                 (Includes 184 jokes and articles, 23988,22,cf,md4vYT,12)

          Click "Here" for Chinese-Supp

Chinese flag from
Includes the following:  Jet Li Vs Chin Siu Ho - Video (S988 in Supp)
.........................Chinese Fish Tricks - Video (S786 in Supp)
.........................Suk Mi Pagoda Menu (S62, DU in Supp)
.........................Chinese Kaleidoscope Christmas Tree - Video (S948)
.........................China Supermarket w/Roller Coaster - Vodeo (S677b)
.........................Chinese Torture (S452b, DU)
.........................Chinese Food Song - Video (S531c)
.........................Mine Hires Three Workers (DU)
........................."Cat In The Kettle" By Aaron Wilburn - Video (S561c)
.........................Chinese Jews (S144)
.........................The 2008 Olympic Games - Video (S592)
.........................Zen Master Visits New York (S66, S514c)
.........................Pandas After China's Earthquake - Video (S597)
.........................Hong Kong Lady And British Bank
.........................Chinese Hearing Impaired Dancers - Video (S923)
.........................Chinese Fortunes
..............................NCIS Chinese Fortune (S838)
..............................Surfing Chinese Fortune (S856)
.........................Riding The Metro In China - Video (S686b)
.........................Confucius Says (S47, S742)
..............................Blondie Comic Strip (S604c)
.........................The Cracked Pot - A Chinese Fable (S673)
.........................Chinese Phrase Translation (S112, S451)
.........................Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes (S770)
.........................Great Chinese State Circus - Swan Lake - Video (S719)
                         Short Chinese Jokes & Facts
..............................Danxia Landform In China - 13 Photos (S877 in Supp)
..............................Moishe Plotnik's Laundry (S660)
..............................The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S655b)
..............................Chinese Inventions (S650a)
..............................Harbin Ice Festival - PPS (S624b)
..............................Chinese Couple Have A Baby (S602c, S788)
..............................Chinese Laundry(S214)
..............................China Power Point - PPS (S461b)
..............................Chinese Hiring Practice (S249b)
..............................Chinese Watermelon Art - 33 Photos (S442b)

Also see ANAGRAMS file- 'Jewish Women And Chinese Food'
         BEARS file   - 'Cute Pandas Playing On The Slide' - Video
......................- '16 Chinese Baby Pandas'
         BLACKS1 file - 'Chinese And The Black Bartender'
......................- 'Chinese And Black Skip Rocks'
         BRAINTSRS-SUP- 'What Number Is Under The Parked Car?' - Picture
         CHRISTMAS4   - 'Playing Weeweechu'
         DOCTOR1 file - 'Hong Kong Dong'
         FAT file     - 'Americans At A Chinese Soccer Stadium'
         FOOD2 file   - 'Chicken At A Chinese Restraurant'
         GRAVEYARD    - 'Chinese Grave Robbers'
         HEAD-AD-SUPP - 'A Cadillac Commercial In China'
         JEWISH1 file - 'A Rabbi And A Korean On A Plane'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Samurai Contest'
         MEXICAN file - '3 Guys Want To Watch The Olympics'
         MOVIES_ETC   - 'English Subtitles Used In Hong Kong'
         NEW YEARS    - 'Chinese New Year'
         PLANE2 file  - 'Dogfight'
         SLOGAN&PROVRB- 'Chinese Proverbs'
         TRACK file   - 'Chinese Olympics Team'
         WAITER-SUPP  - 'Shoe Comic Strip'
         WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Chinese Wedding Night'
         THOUGHTS LRN2- 'The Dalai Lama Says'

Subj:     Chinese Kaleidoscope Christmas Tree (S948d)
          From: brucejohnsonbaugh on 12/26/2014
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/8oqPR5-GLuA
.......This 2014 Nanjing Youth Olympic trailer shows 500
.......people dancing in the sky. Click 'HERE' to watch.
Subj:     China Supermarket w/Roller Coaster (S677b,d)
          From:: LABLaughsClean
          on 12/31/2009 
 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/jksd.htm

 A new supermarket in China has taken laziness and excitement
 to a whole new level.  They've installed a roller coaster-
 like track inside of their store so that customers have to
 ride around to get their groceries.  Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this supermarket.

Subj:     Chinese Torture (S452b, DU)
          From: RFSlick on 98-02-09
      and From: darrell94590 on 9/13/2005

 Once there was a man that suvived a terrible Plane crash
 and was lost in a forest......  He had no idea where he
 was or which way to go.  He wandered for days and survived
 on berries and twigs.  He was much to slow to catch any
 kind of animal and couldn't even start a fire.  He should
 have joined the boy scouts when he was young.

 After two week of wondering he found a thin but three
 story house with smoke coming out of the chimney.  Without
 hesitation he knocked on the door.

 A little Man answered the door.  He had a long white beard
 that hung almost to the floor.

 "Please I need some food and Shelter."  Said the young man.

 "This I will give you but you must promise not to fool with
 my lovely daughter."  the old man said.

 "Thank you and I wouldn't think of messing with your daughter."

 "For if you do I will inflict the three most gruesome Chinese
 torture tests that have ever been devised."

 The man to weak agreed not thinking that any woman could
 arouse him in his weak state.

 After a shower and some sleep the man came down to eat.
 A grand dinner was set up and the man sat to eat.  The old
 man's daughter entered the room and to great surprise of the
 young man, she was most beautiful.  So beautiful that the
 man could hardly tear his eyes away from her during the meal.

 Later that night the man crept into the girls room just to
 take one last look at her for he promised to leave early the
 next morning with a map the old man gave him.  When he opened
 the door he saw the girl was awake and to his surprise she
 ushered him in.  Well being stuck in a forest with just your
 father doesn't surpress all urges so one thing lead to
 another.  They were as quiet as possible not to wake the old
 man.  After a few hours (Wow) the man crept to his room
 thinking that any torture would be worth what he just had
 done.  He fell asleep thinking of her.

 He got up and felt an enormous pain on his chest.  It was a
 rock with a sign on it.  It said:

    1st Chinese torture, 100 pound rock on chest!

 Well this wasn't hardly what the man thought would rate as
 torture and threw the rock out the window.  As he did this
 he saw a second sign just outside the window it said:

    2nd Chinese torture, Left testicle tied to 100 pound rock!

 The man with out hesitation jumped out the window knowing a
 3 story drop would be far better than what was in store for him.

 As he fell to the ground he saw a large sign on the ground.
 It said:

    3rd Chinese torture, Right testicle tied to bed post!

Subj:     Chinese Food Song (S531c,d in Food2)
          From: gordonschuk
          on 3/22/2007
 Source: http://jflores.com/jokes/chowmein.htm
 (Also see 'Cat In The Kettle' in this file below)

 You can view this short musical movie at the source above,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Mine Hires Three Workers (DU)
          From: RBishop707 on 97-11-03

 It's back in the 1800's and a mine owner is hiring new
 workers.  A German steps up and says, "I can pick gold
 faster than any man alive."  The owner hires him on the

 A Russian wanders up and says, "I can load gold faster
 than any man alive."  The owner can't believe his good
 fortune and hires this man too.

 A China man walks up and asks for a job, the owner is so
 elated about hiring the other two men he says,  "Well, if
 these other 2 men work as good as they say I won't need
 any more help but I'll put you in charge of supplies."

 The next day the owner goes and checks on his new workers,
 and sure enough the German is picking gold at an unbelievable
 rate......The Russian is loading it as fast as the other
 workers can haul it out. He looks around and can't find the
 Chinaman anywhere.

 He begins to walk around the mine to find him and just as
 he rounds a dark corner the Chinaman jumps out from behind
 a rock and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Subj:     "Cat In The Kettle" By Aaron Wilburn (S561c,d)
          From: rfslick on 10/16/2007 (in Food2)
Photo from YouTube
 Source: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RrI8V9ffMdg&mode=related&search=
 (See '"If My Nose Was Running Money" By Aaron Wilburn' in Music-Supp)

 This is a live performance of the "Chinese Food Song".  You
 can see it at the source above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Chinese Jews (S144)
          From: FrankRoesc on 10/30/1999
          (Also see 'Two Jews In Mexico' in Mexican)

 Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.  "Sid,"
 asked Al, "I wonder if there are any Jews in China?"  "I
 don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
 When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Do you have any
 Chinese Jews in China?"

 "I don't know sir, let me ask", the waiter replied, and
 he went into the kitchen.  He returned in a few minutes
 and said, "No, sir.  No Chinese Jews."

 "Are you sure?" Al asked.

 "I will check again, sir" the waiter replied and went back
 to the kitchen.  While he was still gone, Sid said, "I
 cannot believe there are no Jews in China.  Our people are
 scattered everywhere."

 When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
 "Are you really sure?", Al asked again. "I cannot believe
 there are no Chinese Jews."

 "Sir, I ask everyone in kitchen," the waiter replied
 exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews
 and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"

Subj:     The 2008 Olympic Games (S592 in Track)
          From: aldavito on 5/19/2008
Photo from Yahoo! Videos...

 This commercial video is a wonderful trip to China which is
 preparing for the 2008 Summer Olympics.  Click 'HERE' to view.

Subj:     Zen Master Visits New York (S66, S514c)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #107 on 98-05-02
 Source: "The Dangerous Days of Daniel X" by James Patterson

 The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes
 up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

 The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen
 Master, who pays with a $20 bill.  The vendor puts the bill
 in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the
 Zen Master.

 The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

Subj:     Pandas After China's Earthquake (S597d in Bears)
          From: darrellvip on 6/25/2008
      and From: Reuter.com
 Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUSPEK13160220080522

 This movie, story, and photos will tell you the fate of the
 pandas after China's devastating quake.  Click 'HERE' to view.

Subj:     Hong Kong Lady And the British Bank
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #90 on 98-04-12

 A Chinese lady on holiday in London goes to the bank to
 change some Hong Kong Dollars into pounds.  She asks what
 the exchange rate is and the teller says, "HK$ 12.50 for
 1 British pound."  She goes ahead and changes some money.

 The next day she needs some more pounds and goes back to
 the bank.  This time the teller says, "HK$12.80 for 1
 British pound."  The Chinese lady says, "What's going on?
 Yesterday it was only $12.50 and now today it's $12.80?"

 The British teller says simply, "Fluctuations."

 The Chinese lady replies, "Well, fuck you Caucasians, too!"

Subj:     Chinese Hearing Impaired Dancers
.............- Thousand Hand Bodhisattva (S923d)
          From: igiggle on 4/20/2006 (in Asia)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/uUl0JRoQeG4
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=823230217716634

 China Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe, "Thousand-hand
 Guan Yin" Guan Yin is a Chinese goddess. Feeling music through
 speakers and guided by hand gestures, a troupe of deaf dancers
 in Beijing take steps to champion the rights of disabled people
 across the world.

 "Being deaf and mute, these disabled female performers endure
 pain and suffering in vigorous training, simply to deliver a
 message of love to mankind."

 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to watch this
 amazing, beautiful performance.

Subj:     Chinese Fortunes

Subj:     NCIS Chinese Fortune (S838)
          From: NCIS Episode 13 - Hit and Run
          First aired on 1/29/2013

 This is the Chinese Fortune that Gibbs returned to Abby.
 She had given it to him on the first day they met.

From: 6/30/2000 (S178)
 Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
 A liar is not believed even though he tell the truth.
 The only way to have a friend is to be one.
 A friend is a present you give yourself.
 Idleness is the holiday of fools.

From: 6/10/2000 (S175)
 Life is a tragedy for those who feel
    and a comedy for those who think.

 It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today.

From: 7/14/99's fortune in a Chinese dinner (S128)
 Birds are entangled by their feet, and men by their tongues.

From: 8/10/99's fortune in a Chinese dinner (S132)
 An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/6/2001 (S249)
 Found in a fortune cookie: "You are a poor, pathetic,
 gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products."

From: A fortune cookie Spence got on 10/28/2004 (S404b)
 Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.

Subj:     Surfing Chinese Fortune (S856)
          From: Bryan Milligan on Facebook on 6/5/2013
 Source: http://surfbang.com/random/2010/09/good-fortune.html

Subj:     Riding The Metro In China (S686b,d)
          From: tom on 3/11/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO-A6ZU4Qkw

 This video is amazing.  I've always thought that BART was
 way too crowded.  This video puts a different perspective
 on our problems.  Click on the above source, or 'HERE'
 for my copy, to see this eye-opening video.

Subj:     Confucius Says (S47 & S311)
          Compiled by: AJSwitzer
          (See 'Chinese Proverbs' in SLOGANS)
I hear and I forget. 
I see and I remember. 
I do and I understand.
 Drawing from CAASC.net

From: LABLaughsClean on 2/22/2005 (S422b)
 "Without an acquaintance with the rules of propriety,
  it is impossible for the character to be established."
    -- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC), The Confucian Analects

Confucius say:
     Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
     Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
     Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.
     Man with hand in pocket not always jingling change.
     Man with holes in pockets, feels cocky all day.
     Man with one chopstick go hungry.
     Man with penis in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

     Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
     Man who drive like hell bound to get there!
     Man who drop watch in toilet,
          bound to have shitty time.
     Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
     Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.
     Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!
     Man who fight with wife all day,
          get no piece at night.
     Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
     Man who go to bed with a problem in hand
          wakes up in the morning with a solution in hand.
     Man who go to bed with itchy butt
          wake up with smelly finger.
     Man who goes through turnstile backwards
          is going to Bangkok.
     Man who gets kicked in testicles,
          left holding the bag.
     Man who have titty in mouth make clean breast.
     Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
     Man who keep feet firmly on ground
          have trouble putting on pants!
     Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
     Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!
     Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
     Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
     Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
     Man who live in glass house should change in basement.
     Man who marries girl with no bust
          have right to feel low down.
     Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth.
     Man who put cream in tart not always baker.
     Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for
          train likely to end up with splitting headache.
     Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!
     Man who run in front of car get tired.
     Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
     Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam.
     Man who sells Kotex, crack salesman.
     Man who sleep in cathouse by day,
          sleep in doghouse by night.
     Man who sleep like baby does not have one.
     Man who sit on tack get point!
     Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
     Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
     Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
     Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes
         soon burn out!
     Man who think he is Number One is next to nothing.
     Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
     Man who wear short sleeved shirt supports the
          right to bare arms.
     Man who wish to make headlines should sleep
          on corduroy pillow.

     Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
     Man trapped in whore house get jerked around.

     He who crosses the ocean twice without washing
         is a dirty double crosser.
     He who fart in church sit in own pew.
     He who fishes in other mans well often catches crabs.
     He who go to bed with sexual confusion
          wake up in morning with solution in hand.
     He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.
     He who refuses to listen is lying.
     He who sniffs Coke, drowns.
     He who stands in corner with hands in pocket
          doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.

     Woman who cooks carrots and peas
          in same pot is unsanitary.
     Woman who fly plane upside down
          will have hairy crack up.
     Woman who goes to man's apartment
          for snack, gets tit bit.
     Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
     Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
     Woman who puts rooster in freezer have frozen cock.
     Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
     Woman who springs on innerspring this spring
          gets offspring next spring.
     Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!

     When lady say no, she mean maybe,
     When lady say maybe, she mean yes,
     When lady say yes--she no lady!

     A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
     A flower goes through much dirt before it blooms.
     A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!
     A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
     America good place to put chinese restaurant.
     Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard.
     Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!
     Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
     Better to sleep with old hen than pullet.
     Blond girl have black hair by cracky.
     Boy who go to bed with sexual problem
          wake up with problem in hand"
     Boy who plays with himself pulls boner.
     Buddhist to hot dog vendor: “Make me one with everything.”
     Confucious say it take square *** to s**t a brick.
     Confucius say too God damn much!
     Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
     Diet: food that make other people lose weight.
     Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
     Find old man in dark, not hard!
     Foolish man give wife grand piano.
          Wise man give wife upright organ.
     Girl should not marry basketball player:
          he dribbles before he shoots.
     Girl who douches with vinegar
          walk around with sour puss.
     Girl who goes to bed with detective must kiss dick.
     Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
     If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people.
     It is good for girl to meet boy in park,
          but better for boy to park meat in girl.
     It's stuffy inside this fortune cookie.
     It takes many nails to build crib,
        but one screw to fill it.
     Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
     Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
     Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!
     Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
     Man's mind is like parachute: work best when open.
     Man's most important senses: horse and common.
     Never raise hands to angry child,
          it leave groin exposed.
     Ok for shit to happen . . . will decompose.
     Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
     Passionate kiss like spider web,
          lead to undoing of fly.
     People who make Confucious joke speak bad English.
     Rape is impossible. Lady run much faster with dress up
          than man with pants down!
     Sailor who gets discharged from navy
          leave buddies behind.
     Secretary becomes permanent fixture
          when screwed on desk.
     Smart man is like fish: keep mouth shut
          and stay out of trouble.
     Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts;
          man lay on crack and rock nuts.
     Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
     Those who quote me are fools.
     To make egg roll, push it.
     To prevent hangover stay drunk!
     Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone.
     Virginity like bubble -- one prick, all gone.
     War not determine who's right,
          war determines who's left.
     Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
     Wife who puts husband in dog house
          may find him in cat house.
     Work to become, not to acquire.

 Excerpted from "Confusion Says: The Collected Sayings,
 Musings, Thoughts And Nonsense of a Modern, Paranoid,
 Schizophrenic, Introverted Yahoo. Also Known As Gerry,"
 by Gerry Harris

 I am proud to say I am a self made man.
 I just wish I had read the instructions more carefully.

 If movies use sound effects to seem more real,
 why doesn't reality have more sound effects?

 I doubt therefore I might be.

 Schizophrenia beats the heck out of being alone.

 A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

 If electricity is produced by electrons,
 Is morality produced by morons?

Subj:     Blondie Comic Strip (S604c)
          by Dennis Young and Denis Lebrun
          From: WashingtonPost.com on August 2,2008
 Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving

From: LABLaughsClean on 1/22/2009 (S628b)
 "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
    -- Confucius

Subj:     The Cracked Pot - A Chinese Fable (S673)
          From: darrellvip on 12/3/2009
 Source1: http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/videos/cracked_pot.htm
 Source2: http://www.spiritofeureka.com/articles/cracked_pot_fable.htm
 An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each
 hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across
 her neck.  One of the pots had a crack in it while
 the other pot was perfect and always delivered a
 full portion of water.  At the end of the long walk
 from the stream to the house, the cracked pot
 arrived only half full.
Drawing from Story-Lovers.com

 Click on Source1, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this
 very pleasant PowerPoint Show.

Subj:     Chinese Phrase Translation (S112, S451)
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page
      and From: Anon Jr. on 9/18/2005
 (Also see 'Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes' in Facebook and below)

 Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (Be sure to say out loud!)

 Chinese Phrase        English Translation
 --------------        -------------------
 Ai Bang Mai Ne        I bumped into the coffee table
 Ar U Wun Tu           A gay liberation greeting
 Chin Tu Fat           You need a face lift
 Dum Gai               A stupid person
 Gun Pao Der           An ancient Chinese invention
 Hu Flung Dung         Which one of you fertilized the
 Hu Yu Hai Ding        We have reason to believe you are
                       harboring a fugitive
 Jan Ne Ka Sun         A former late night talk show host
 Kum Hia               Approach me
 Lao Ze Sho            Gilligan's Island
 Lao Zi                Not very good
 Lin Ching             An illegal execution
 Moon Lan Ding         A great achievement of the American
                       space program
 Ne Ahn                A lighting fixture used in
                       advertising signs
 Shai Gai              A bashful person
 Tai Ne Bae Be         A premature infant
 Tai Ne Po Ne          A small horse
 Ten Ding Ba          Serving drinks to people
 Wan Bum Lung          A person with T.B.
 Yu Mai Te Tan         Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with
 Wa Shing Kah          Cleaning an automobile
 Wai So Dim            Are you trying to save electricity?
 Wai U Shao Ting       There is no reason to raise your

From: RFSlick on 3/21/99
 Ai No Pei             I got this for free.
 Hao Long Wei Ting?    Has your flight been delayed?
 Hia Dei Kum           They have arrived.
 Lei Lo                Stay out of sight.
 No Bai Dam Ting!!     Your price is too high!!
 No Pah King           This is a tow away zone.
 Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena?
 Wai Hang Mi?          I am not guilty.
 Wai Go Nao?           Please, stay a while longer.
 Wai Yu Kum Nao        Our meeting was scheduled for next
 Wai Yu Mun Ching?     I thought you were on a diet.
 Wai Yu So Tan?       Did you go to the beach?
 Yu Stin Ki Pu!        Your body odor is offensive.

From: gheckman on 5/26/00
 Sum Ting Wong         That's not right.
 Wai So Dim            It's very dark in here.
 Yu So Dum             You are not very bright.

From: ICohen on 2/12/2003
 Fa Kin Su Pah         Great

From: Anon Jr. on 9/17/2005
 No Bai Nut Ding       Your price is too high!

Subj:     Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes (S770) 
          From: Jessibel Punzalan Gonzales
          on 10/15/2011 (in Facebook)
 Source: FunnyJunk.com
 (Also see 'Chinese Phrase Translation' above)

 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to learn
 Chinese in five minutes.

Subj:     Great Chinese State Circus - Swan Lake 
          From: tom
          on 10/21/2010 (S719d)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sMc-p19FIk
 Source2: http://www.nzwide.com/swanlake.htm

 This video is "Great Chinese State Circus", performing
 "Swan Lake".  Definitely one of the most amazing things
 that I have seen.  Click on either source, or 'HERE' for
 my copy, to see this fantastic video.

Subj:     Short Asian-Chinese Jokes & Facts

Subj:     Moishe Plotnik's Laundry (S660) 
          From: tom on 9/3/2009 
Photo from WebShots.com
 Source: http://dr1.com/forums/clown-bin/42348-
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to read about "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry".

Subj:     The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S655b)
          by Glenn and Gary McCoy
          From: GoComics.com on 7/26/2009
 Source: http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/fmc/
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon.

Subj:    Chinese Inventions (S650a)
          From: KingFeatures on 6/6/2009
Drawing from KingFeatures.com
 Source: http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/puzzles/asimov/about.htm
 This Isaac Asimov's Super Quiz's subject is to identify
 these inventions created in China. (e.g., A device for
 winding and unwinding fishing line. Answer: Fishing reel.)
 Click 'HERE' to test your knowledge.
 To see other Asimov quizes click on .

Subj:     Harbin Ice Festival (S624b)
          From: darrellvip on 12/22/2008
Photo from ColourLovers.com...
 Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harbin_

 Harbin International Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival
      From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 'Ice and Snow World' in HarbinThe annual Harbin
 International Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival has
 been held since 1963.  It had been interrupted for a
 number of years during the Cultural Revolution until
 it was resumed in 1985.

 Harbin, the capital of Heilongjiang province of People's
 Republic of China, is one of the sources of ice and snow
 culture in the world.  Geographically, it is located in
 Northeast China under the direct influence of the cold
 winter wind from Siberia.  The average temperature in
 summer is 21.2 degrees Celsius, -16.8 degrees Celsius in
 winter. It can be as cold as - 38.1 degrees Celsius in winter.

 Officially, the festival starts from January 5th and it
 lasts one month.  However often the exhibitions open
 earlier and last longer, weather permitting.  Ice sculpture
 decoration ranges from the modern technology of lasers to
 traditional ice lanterns.

 Click 'HERE' to view this beautiful Power Point Show.

Subj:     Chinese Couple Have A Baby (S602c, S788)
          From: mauryschu on 7/22/2008
      and From: virv on 2/19/2012
 Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have
 a new baby.  The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy,
 bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

 'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the

 The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we
 will name him...

 Are you ready for this?
 Sum Ting Wong

Subj:     Chinese Laundry(S214)
         From: KMACINTY on 3/8/2001
 A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry.  When
 it comes back there are still stains in her panties.  The
 next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that
 says, "Use more soap on panties."

 This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same
 note to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties."

 Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note
 that said, "Use more paper on ass."

Subj:     China - Power Point (S461b)
          From: auntiegah
          on 11/24/2005
 The Power Point Presentation titled China relax you with
 beautiful music and scenes.  Click 'HERE' to view.  To end
 the presentation press the 'Back Arrow'.  On my web site
 the music stopped.  Web sites don't run power points well.

Subj:     Chinese Hiring Practice (S249b)
         From: jerry on 11/8/2001
 Bonehead award one goes to a number of companies in
 China who will not hire people unless they have blood
 types O or B because of a belief that people with
 these blood types are ''comparatively more stable and
 personable.''  Applicants must be willing to submit
 to a blood test.

 In China, it's legal for companies to set their own
 criteria, however cockamamie and discriminatory, for

 Straits-Times of Singapore 7-Nov-01

Subj:     Chinese Watermelon Art (S442b)
          From: darrell94590
         on 7/10/2005
 In China they carve watermelons instead of pumpkins.
 NOTE:  There are 33 photos here.  Please give them
 time to load! This is incredible art !!!  To view
 click 'HERE'.

 Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a
 chinese guy run over by a truck?  The tuna.  The other two
 are crustaceans.  --  Darcy

 The original story from Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights begins,
 "Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."

 The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ,
     Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

 City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

From: BawdyNet on 98-02-06
 With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.
  --Chinese proverb

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:  No matter how great your
 triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one
 billion Chinese couldn't care less.

 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
 they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
 communicate ideas at a faster rate.

From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
 NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?
 SAGE  : Clever men don't BECOME husbands!

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #285 on 99-02-13
 If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
 times, does he become Disoriented?

From: RFSlick on 99-02-14
 The first episode of "Joanie Loves Chachi" was the highest
 rated American program in the history of Korean television.
 "Chachi" is Korean for "penis."

From: ossama on 3/22/99 (S113)
 Reebok says they will lay off some 3,000 workers at its
 Indonesian plants.  That should save the payroll about $100.

From: FrankRoesc on 5/10/99
 China has more English speakers than the United States.

From: FrankRoesc on 7/20/99
 If the population of China walked past you in single file,
 the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

From: collins2 on 5/31/99
 City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

From: LABLaughs.com on 3/14/2002 (S270c)
 "Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes;
 do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest
 of your life."  -- Chinese Proverb

 See 'Chinese Proverbs' in SLOGANS & PROVERBS

From: pns on 10/18/2003 (S351b)
 Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

From: igiggle on 9/22/2004 (S403b)
 In China, it's illegal to save a drowning person,
 as that would interfere with his or her fate.

 Learn to swim.  It is a sport all the peasants can play.
   -- Mao Tse-Tung (in Quotes1)

From: pgm2r4u on 9/26/2010 (S715b)
 "Many men smoke, but foo man chew."

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #223 on 98-01-17
 Q: What do you call a fat Chinese?
 A: A Chunk.

From: All Female Collage! - Bawdy.Net #227 on 98-01-31
 Q: What is this?:  Fe Fi Fo, Fi Fe Fo Fe
 A: A Chinese phone number.

From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134)
 Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had
    a retarded baby?
 A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

From: jbcary1 on 6:54:21 (S446b)
 Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
 A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides .

                           -(o o)-
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.Great Wall from Smiley_Central