(Includes 185 jokes and articles, 04 1099,24,cL2f,vYT4a7a,13
Click "Here" for Chinese-Supp
Chinese flag from
Also see ANAGRAMS file- 'Jewish
Women And Chinese Food'
BEARS file - 'Cute Pandas Playing On The Slide' - Video
......................- '16 Chinese Baby Pandas'
BLACKS1 file - 'Chinese And The Black Bartender'
......................- 'Chinese And Black Skip Rocks'
BRAINTSRS-SUP- 'What Number Is Under The Parked Car?' - Picture
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Playing Weeweechu'
DOCTOR1 file - 'Hong Kong Dong'
FAT file - 'Americans At A Chinese Soccer Stadium'
FOOD2 file - 'Chicken At A Chinese Restraurant'
GRAVEYARD - 'Chinese Grave Robbers'
HEAD-AD-SUPP - 'A Cadillac Commercial In China'
JEWISH1 file - 'A Rabbi And A Korean On A Plane'
JEWISH2 file - 'Samurai Contest'
MEXICAN file - '3 Guys Want To Watch The Olympics'
MOVIES_ETC - 'English Subtitles Used In Hong Kong'
NEW YEARS - 'Chinese New Year'
PLANE2 file - 'Dogfight'
SLOGAN&PROVRB- 'Chinese Proverbs'
TRACK file - 'Chinese Olympics Team'
WAITER-SUPP - 'Shoe Comic Strip'
WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Chinese Wedding Night'
THOUGHTS LRN2- 'The Dalai Lama Says'
Subj: Chinese Kaleidoscope Christmas Tree (S948)
From: brucejohnsonbaugh in 2014 (d-iFrame)
.......This 2014 Nanjing Youth Olympic trailer shows 500
.......people dancing in the sky. Click 'HERE' to watch.
China Supermarket w/Roller Coaster (S677b)
From:: LABLaughsClean in 2009 (d-iFrame)
A new supermarket in China has
taken laziness and excitement
to a whole new level. They've installed a roller coaster-
like track inside of their store so that customers have to
ride around to get their groceries. Click 'HERE' to see
Subj: Chinese Torture (S452b, DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-02-09
Once there was a man that suvived
a terrible Plane crash
and was lost in a forest...... He had no idea where he
was or which way to go. He wandered for days and survived
on berries and twigs. He was much to slow to catch any
kind of animal and couldn't even start a fire. He should
have joined the boy scouts when he was young.
After two week of wondering he
found a thin but three
story house with smoke coming out of the chimney. Without
hesitation he knocked on the door.
A little Man answered the door.
He had a long white beard
that hung almost to the floor.
"Please I need some food and Shelter." Said the young man.
"This I will give you but you
must promise not to fool with
my lovely daughter." the old man said.
"Thank you and I wouldn't think of messing with your daughter."
"For if you do I will inflict
the three most gruesome Chinese
torture tests that have ever been devised."
The man to weak agreed not thinking
that any woman could
arouse him in his weak state.
After a shower and some sleep
the man came down to eat.
A grand dinner was set up and the man sat to eat. The old
man's daughter entered the room and to great surprise of the
young man, she was most beautiful. So beautiful that the
man could hardly tear his eyes away from her during the meal.
Later that night the man crept
into the girls room just to
take one last look at her for he promised to leave early the
next morning with a map the old man gave him. When he opened
the door he saw the girl was awake and to his surprise she
ushered him in. Well being stuck in a forest with just your
father doesn't surpress all urges so one thing lead to
another. They were as quiet as possible not to wake the old
man. After a few hours (Wow) the man crept to his room
thinking that any torture would be worth what he just had
done. He fell asleep thinking of her.
He got up and felt an enormous
pain on his chest. It was a
rock with a sign on it. It said:
1st Chinese torture, 100 pound rock on chest!
Well this wasn't hardly what
the man thought would rate as
torture and threw the rock out the window. As he did this
he saw a second sign just outside the window it said:
2nd Chinese torture, Left testicle tied to 100 pound rock!
The man with out hesitation jumped
out the window knowing a
3 story drop would be far better than what was in store for him.
As he fell to the ground he saw
a large sign on the ground.
3rd Chinese torture, Right testicle tied to bed post!
Chinese Food Song (S531c)
From: gordon in 2007
..........(in Food2,d-On Site-SWF)
(Also see 'Cat In The Kettle' in this file below)
You can view this short musical video by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Mine Hires Three Workers (DU)
From: RBishop707 on 97-11-03
It's back in the 1800's and a
mine owner is hiring new
workers. A German steps up and says, "I can pick gold
faster than any man alive." The owner hires him on the
A Russian wanders up and says,
"I can load gold faster
than any man alive." The owner can't believe his good
fortune and hires this man too.
A China man walks up and asks
for a job, the owner is so
elated about hiring the other two men he says, "Well, if
these other 2 men work as good as they say I won't need
any more help but I'll put you in charge of supplies."
The next day the owner goes and
checks on his new workers,
and sure enough the German is picking gold at an unbelievable
rate......The Russian is loading it as fast as the other
workers can haul it out. He looks around and can't find the
He begins to walk around the
mine to find him and just as
he rounds a dark corner the Chinaman jumps out from behind
a rock and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
"Cat In The Kettle" By Aaron Wilburn
From: rfslick in 2007 (in Food2)
(See '"If My Nose Was Running Money" By Aaron Wilburn' in Music-Supp)
This is a live performance of
the "Chinese Food Song". You
can see it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Chinese Jews (S144, S1033)
From: FrankRoesc in 1999
(Also see 'Two Jews In Mexico' in Mexican)
Sid and Al were sitting in a
Chinese restaurant. "Sid,"
asked Al, "I wonder if there are any Jews in China?" "I
don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Do you have any
Chinese Jews in China?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask",
the waiter replied, and
he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes
and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir" the
waiter replied and went back
to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I
cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are
When the waiter returned he said,
"Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?", Al asked again. "I cannot believe
there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone in kitchen,"
the waiter replied
exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews
and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"
The 2008 Olympic Games
From: aldavito in 2008
..........(S592WMV in Track)
Subj: Zen Master Visits New York (S66, S514c)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #107 on 98-05-02
Source: "The Dangerous Days of Daniel X" by James Patterson
The Zen Master is visiting New
York City from Tibet. He goes
up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot
dog and hands it to the Zen
Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill
in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
After China's Earthquake
From: darrellvip in 2008
..........(S597d-iFrame in Bears)
This movie, story, and photos
will tell you the fate of the
pandas after China's devastating quake. Click 'HERE' to view.
Subj: Hong Kong Lady And the British Bank
From: humorlist-digest V2 #90 on 98-04-12
A Chinese lady on holiday in
London goes to the bank to
change some Hong Kong Dollars into pounds. She asks what
the exchange rate is and the teller says, "HK$ 12.50 for
1 British pound." She goes ahead and changes some money.
The next day she needs some more
pounds and goes back to
the bank. This time the teller says, "HK$12.80 for 1
British pound." The Chinese lady says, "What's going on?
Yesterday it was only $12.50 and now today it's $12.80?"
The British teller says simply, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese lady replies, "Well, fuck you Caucasians, too!"
Chinese Hearing Impaired Dancers
.............- Thousand Hand Bodhisattva
(S923d-iFrame, in Asia)
China Disabled People's Performing
Art Troupe, "Thousand-hand
Guan Yin" Guan Yin is a Chinese goddess. Feeling music through
speakers and guided by hand gestures, a troupe of deaf dancers
in Beijing take steps to champion the rights of disabled people
across the world.
"Being deaf and mute, these disabled
female performers endure
pain and suffering in vigorous training, simply to deliver a
message of love to mankind."
to watch this amazing, beautiful performance.
Subj: Chinese Fortunes
Subj: NCIS Chinese Fortune (S838)
From: NCIS Episode 13 - Hit and Run
First aired on 1/29/2013
This is the Chinese Fortune that
Gibbs returned to Abby.
She had given it to him on the first day they met.
From: 6/30/2000 (S178)
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
A liar is not believed even though he tell the truth.
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
A friend is a present you give yourself.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
From: 6/10/2000 (S175)
Life is a tragedy for those who feel
and a comedy for those who think.
It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today.
From: 7/14/99's fortune in a Chinese
Birds are entangled by their feet, and men by their tongues.
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon
By Bob Thaves in 2016 (S1042)
From: 8/10/99's fortune in a Chinese dinner (S132)
An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/6/2001
Found in a fortune cookie: "You are a poor, pathetic,
gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products."
From: A fortune cookie Spence got on
Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.
Subj: Surfing Chinese Fortune (S856)
From: Bryan Milligan on 6/5/2013
Riding The Metro In China
From: tom in 2010 (S686b,d)
Photo from YouTube.com
This video is amazing.
I've always thought that BART was
way too crowded. This video puts a different perspective
on our problems. Click 'HERE' to see this eye-opening video.
Subj: Confucius Says (S47 & S311)
Compiled by: AJSwitzer
Proverbs' in SLOGANS)
I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand.
||Drawing from CAASC.net|
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/22/2005 (S422b)
"Without an acquaintance with the rules of propriety,
it is impossible for the character to be established."
-- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC), The Confucian Analects
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.
Man with hand in pocket not always jingling change.
Man with holes in pockets, feels cocky all day.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man with penis in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
Man who buy
drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there!
Man who drop watch in toilet,
bound to have shitty time.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.
Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!
Man who fight with wife all day,
get no piece at night.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who go to bed with a problem in hand
wakes up in the morning with a solution in hand.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt
wake up with smelly finger.
Man who goes through turnstile backwards
is going to Bangkok.
Man who gets kicked in testicles,
left holding the bag.
Man who have titty in mouth make clean breast.
Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground
have trouble putting on pants!
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who live in glass house should change in basement.
Man who marries girl with no bust
have right to feel low down.
Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth.
Man who put cream in tart not always baker.
Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for
train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam.
Man who sells Kotex, crack salesman.
Man who sleep in cathouse by day,
sleep in doghouse by night.
Man who sleep like baby does not have one.
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes
soon burn out!
Man who think he is Number One is next to nothing.
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Man who wear short sleeved shirt supports the
right to bare arms.
Man who wish to make headlines should sleep
on corduroy pillow.
in pantry have ass in jam.
Man trapped in whore house get jerked around.
He who crosses
the ocean twice without washing
is a dirty double crosser.
He who fart in church sit in own pew.
He who fishes in other mans well often catches crabs.
He who go to bed with sexual confusion
wake up in morning with solution in hand.
He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.
He who refuses to listen is lying.
He who sniffs Coke, drowns.
He who stands in corner with hands in pocket
doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
cooks carrots and peas
in same pot is unsanitary.
Woman who fly plane upside down
will have hairy crack up.
Woman who goes to man's apartment
for snack, gets tit bit.
Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
Woman who puts rooster in freezer have frozen cock.
Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Woman who springs on innerspring this spring
gets offspring next spring.
Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!
say no, she mean maybe,
When lady say maybe, she mean yes,
When lady say yes--she no lady!
A bird in
hand makes hard to blow nose.
A flower goes through much dirt before it blooms.
A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
America good place to put chinese restaurant.
Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard.
Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Better to sleep with old hen than pullet.
Blond girl have black hair by cracky.
Boy who go to bed with sexual problem
wake up with problem in hand"
Boy who plays with himself pulls boner.
Buddhist to hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
Confucious say it take square *** to s**t a brick.
Confucius say too God damn much!
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
Diet: food that make other people lose weight.
Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
Find old man in dark, not hard!
Foolish man give wife grand piano.
Wise man give wife upright organ.
Girl should not marry basketball player:
he dribbles before he shoots.
Girl who douches with vinegar
walk around with sour puss.
Girl who goes to bed with detective must kiss dick.
Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park,
but better for boy to park meat in girl.
It's stuffy inside this fortune cookie.
It takes many nails to build crib,
but one screw to fill it.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Man's mind is like parachute: work best when open.
Man's most important senses: horse and common.
Never raise hands to angry child,
it leave groin exposed.
Ok for shit to happen . . . will decompose.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Passionate kiss like spider web,
lead to undoing of fly.
People who make Confucious joke speak bad English.
Rape is impossible. Lady run much faster with dress up
than man with pants down!
Sailor who gets discharged from navy
leave buddies behind.
Secretary becomes permanent fixture
when screwed on desk.
Smart man is like fish: keep mouth shut
and stay out of trouble.
Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts;
man lay on crack and rock nuts.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Those who quote me are fools.
To make egg roll, push it.
To prevent hangover stay drunk!
Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone.
Virginity like bubble -- one prick, all gone.
War not determine who's right,
war determines who's left.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Wife who puts husband in dog house
may find him in cat house.
Work to become, not to acquire.
Excerpted from "Confusion Says:
The Collected Sayings,
Musings, Thoughts And Nonsense of a Modern, Paranoid,
Schizophrenic, Introverted Yahoo. Also Known As Gerry,"
by Gerry Harris
I am proud to say I am a self
I just wish I had read the instructions more carefully.
If movies use sound effects to
seem more real,
why doesn't reality have more sound effects?
I doubt therefore I might be.
Schizophrenia beats the heck out of being alone.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
If electricity is produced by
Is morality produced by morons?
Subj: Blondie Comic Strip (S604c)
by Dennis Young and Denis Lebrun on August 2,2008
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/22/2009 (S628b)
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."
Subj: The Cracked Pot - A Chinese Fable - PPS
From: darrellvip in 2009 (S673)
| An elderly Chinese
woman had two large pots, each
hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across
her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while
the other pot was perfect and always delivered a
full portion of water. At the end of the long walk
from the stream to the house, the cracked pot
arrived only half full.
|Drawing from Story-Lovers.com|
Click 'HERE' to see this very pleasant PowerPoint Show.
Subj: Yellow Moon At Sunset (S1099)
From: Rucas Castrol on 2/4/2018
China Roadside Service (S1099)
From: Andrew Fine in 2018 (d-On Site)
Source: eMail from AJFine963
Great Chinese State
.............Circus - Swan Lake
From: tom (S719d-iFrame)
This video is "Great Chinese
State Circus", performing
"Swan Lake". Definitely one of the most amazing things
that I have seen. Click 'HERE' to see this fantastic video.
Subj: Chinese Couple Have A Baby (S602c, S788)
From: mauryschu on 7/22/2008
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The
next year, the Wongs have
a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy,
bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse
to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the
The puzzled father looks at his
new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we
will name him...
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
Subj: Chinese Laundry(S214)
From: KMACINTY on 3/8/2001
A woman sends her clothing out
to the Chinese laundry. When
it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The
next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that
says, "Use more soap on panties."
This goes on for several weeks,
the woman sending the same
note to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties."
Finally fed up the Chinese man
responded with his own note
that said, "Use more paper on ass."
Harbin Ice Festival - PPS
..........in 2008 (S624b)
Harbin International Ice and
Snow Sculpture Festival
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
'Ice and Snow World' in HarbinThe
International Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival has
been held since 1963. It had been interrupted for a
number of years during the Cultural Revolution until
it was resumed in 1985.
Harbin, the capital of Heilongjiang
province of People's
Republic of China, is one of the sources of ice and snow
culture in the world. Geographically, it is located in
Northeast China under the direct influence of the cold
winter wind from Siberia. The average temperature in
summer is 21.2 degrees Celsius, -16.8 degrees Celsius in
winter. It can be as cold as - 38.1 degrees Celsius in winter.
Officially, the festival starts
from January 5th and it
lasts one month. However often the exhibitions open
earlier and last longer, weather permitting. Ice sculpture
decoration ranges from the modern technology of lasers to
traditional ice lanterns.
Click 'HERE' to view this beautiful Power Point Show.
Subj: Short Asian-Chinese Jokes & Facts
Moishe Plotnik's Laundry
From: tom in 2009 (S660)
Photo from WebShots.com
The Flying McCoys Cartoon
by Glenn and Gary McCoy
..........in 2009 (S655b)
Chinese Inventions (S650a)
From: KingFeatures on 6/6/2009
..........At: (Removed from kingfeatures.com)
|To see other Asimov quizes click on||.|
China - Power Point Show (S461b)
From: auntiegah in 2005
Subj: Chinese Hiring Practice (S249b)
From: jerry on 11/8/2001
Bonehead award one goes to a number of companies in
China who will not hire people unless they have blood
types O or B because of a belief that people with
these blood types are ''comparatively more stable and
personable.'' Applicants must be willing to submit
to a blood test.
In China, it's legal for companies
to set their own
criteria, however cockamamie and discriminatory, for
Straits-Times of Singapore 7-Nov-01
Chinese Watermelon Art
..........in 2005 (S442b)
Which of these things don't belong:
A tuna, a lobster, or a
chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two
are crustaceans. -- Darcy
The original story from Tales
of 1001 Arabian Nights begins,
"Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."
The three best-known western
names in China: Jesus Christ,
Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
From: BawdyNet on 98-02-06
With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.
From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one
billion Chinese couldn't care less.
Communist China is technologically
they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
communicate ideas at a faster rate.
From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?
SAGE : Clever men don't BECOME husbands!
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #285 on 99-02-13
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become Disoriented?
From: RFSlick on 99-02-14
The first episode of "Joanie Loves Chachi" was the highest
rated American program in the history of Korean television.
"Chachi" is Korean for "penis."
From: ossama on 3/22/99 (S113)
Reebok says they will lay off some 3,000 workers at its
Indonesian plants. That should save the payroll about $100.
From: FrankRoesc on 5/10/99
China has more English speakers than the United States.
From: FrankRoesc on 7/20/99
If the population of China walked past you in single file,
the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
From: collins2 on 5/31/99
City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/14/2002 (S270c)
"Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes;
do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest
of your life." -- Chinese Proverb
See 'Chinese Proverbs' in SLOGANS & PROVERBS
From: pns on 10/18/2003 (S351b)
Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
From: igiggle on 9/22/2004 (S403b)
In China, it's illegal to save a drowning person,
as that would interfere with his or her fate.
Learn to swim. It is a
sport all the peasants can play.
-- Mao Tse-Tung (in Quotes1)
From: pgm2r4u on 9/26/2010 (S715b)
"Many men smoke, but foo man chew."
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #223 on 98-01-17
Q: What do you call a fat Chinese?
A: A Chunk.
From: All Female Collage! - Bawdy.Net
#227 on 98-01-31
Q: What is this?: Fe Fi Fo, Fi Fe Fo Fe
A: A Chinese phone number.
From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134)
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had
a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
From: jbcary1 on 6:54:21 (S446b)
Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
A: No one's tall enough to go on the good rides .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.Great Wall from Smiley_Central