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Subj:    Cab Driver Jokes
               (Includes 14 jokes and articles, 28 1024,3,cf,wXT4,1)

Sick Car
ftom
Gameznets Big Boys Toys
Includes the following:  Frank And Ernest On Cab Drivers (S562c)
.........................Revenge On A Cabdriver (S17, S1024)
.........................The Cab And The Coffin - Video (S535c)
.........................The Famous Cab Driver (S592b)
.........................New York Cabbie (S321)
.........................Taxi Driver Gets Scared (S224, S437b)
.........................Cab Driver Asks To Kiss A Nun (S233, S514c)
.........................3 Drunk Guys Enter A Taxi - Drawing w/Joke (S910)
.........................Just Like Dave Bronson (S177, S693b)
.........................Nude Woman Hails Cab (S109)
.........................Nude Woman Hails A Jewish Cab Driver (S817)
.........................Minister And Cabbie Die And Go To Heaven (S458b)
.........................Short CabDriver Jokes
 

Also see BIRTHDAYS    - 'Wife Takes Husband To Strip Club'
         CATS2 file   - 'Cat Runs In As Couple Goes Out'
         FACTS5 file  - 'African's Thoughts on Condoms And Aids'
         HOOKER file  - 'Mother, Daughter, And The Cabbie'
........................'Boy And Girl Have Sex'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'True Hospital Stories'
         MARRIAGE3    - 'Husband And Cabbie Catch Wife'
         MATH4D file  - 'Number Of Taxis'
         STORIES      - 'Cab Driver And The 80 Year Old Lady'

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Cab Drivers (S562c)
          By Bob Thaves on 10/24/2007
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2007/10/24
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Subj:     Revenge On A Cabdriver (S17, S1024)
          From Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: gattica30 on 9/26/2008

 A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to
 gamble.  He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing
 left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip
 ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get
 himself home.

 The businessman went out to the front of the casino where
 there was a cab waiting.  He got in and explained his
 situation to the cabbie.  He promised to send the driver
 money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers,
 his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no
 avail.

 The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't
 have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"  The
 businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was
 barely in time to catch his flight.

 One year later the businessman, having worked long and
 hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas
 and this time he won big.  Feeling pretty good about
 himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a
 cab ride back to the airport.  Who should he see out
 there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old
 buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down
 on his luck.

 The businessman thought for a moment about how he could
 make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on
 a plan.  He got in the first cab in the line, "How much
 for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks,"
 came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow-
 job on the way?"

 "What?! Get the hell out of my cab."  The businessman got
 into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the
 same questions, with the same result.  When he got to his
 old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked
 "How much for a ride to the airport?"  The cabbie replied
 "fifteen bucks."  The businessman said "ok" and off they
 went.

 As they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the
 businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each
 driver.

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Subj:     The Cab And The Coffin (S535c,dwmv)
          From: drgolfmd on 4/20/2007
 Source: http://jokelibrary.net/occup
.........ations/b_to_l/cab-coffin.wmv

 This stunt on a TV show involves calling for a cab four
 times.  Each time pallbearers try to put the coffin in
 the trunk and then try to put the body in the back seat.
 The expressions on the cap driver's faces are cute.  You
 can view this WMV video by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     The Famous Cab Driver (S592b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/21/2008

 The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the
 license that his cab driver's name was Winston Churchill.
 Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is
 Winston Churchill."

 The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker."

 The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter,
 said, "That's a pretty famous name."

 The driver responded with, "As well it should be too.
 I've been driving a cab here for over forty years!"

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Subj:     New York Cabbie (S321)
          From: DafterLafter on 3/22/2003

 Jill had to grab a cab to get to a meeting uptown.  She
 hailed one down, got in, and told the cabbie the address
 she needed. The cabbie turned out to be a lunatic driver,
 and Jill sat in the backseat clutching the door handle
 wondering if she could expect to survive this trip. The
 cabdriver sped through the crowded NYC streets, weaving
 in and out of traffic.  Jill watched as one pedestrian
 after another leapt aside to avoid being run down by her
 lunatic driver.

 Jill looked ahead and saw a truck double parked on the
 narrow street.  Not only did the driver fail to slow down,
 he actually accelerated as he approached the truck.  He
 slipped his cab through the available space with an inch
 or two to spare on either side.

 "Driver," Jill screamed, "Are you crazy?  Are you trying
 to get us both killed?"

 "Relax, Lady," he said. "Just do what I do.  Close your
 eyes."

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Subj:     Taxi Driver Gets Scared (S224, S437b)
          From: KMACINTY on 5/17/2001
      and From: CKButch4Femme on 6/14/2005

 A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
 something.  The driver screamed, lost control of the car,
 nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centi-
 meters from a shop window.

 For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver
 said, "Look, don't ever do that again.  You scared the day-
 lights out of me!"

 The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a
 little tap could scare him so much.  The driver replied
 "Sorry, it's not really your fault.

 Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving
 hearses for the last 25 years."

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Subj:     Cab Driver Asks To Kiss A Nun (S233, S514c)
          From: h2oman19 on 5/7/2001

 (See 'A Nun And A Hippie On A Bus' in NUNS1)

 A cab driver picks up a nun.  She gets into the cab, and the
 cab driver won't stop staring at her.  She asks him why he is
 staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I
 don't want to offend you."

 She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me.  When you're
 as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get
 a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that
 there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

 "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

 She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1,
 you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

 The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and
 I'm Catholic too!"

 The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley."  He does and the
 nun fulfills his fantasy.  But when they get back on the road,
 the cab driver starts crying.  "My dear child." said the nun,
 "Why are you crying?"

 "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess,
 I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

 The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party,
 and my name is Kevin."

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Subj:     3 Drunk Guys Enter A Taxi (S910)
          From: Vickie Smiley on Facebook
 Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/120541727500577467/
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Subj:     Just Like Dave Bronson (S177, S693b)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 6/23/00
      and From: darrellvip on 4/30/2010

 A man walked out into the street in New York, and managed to
 flag down a taxi just driving by.

 He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing.
 You're just like Dave."

 The passenger said, "Who?"

 The cabbie said, "Dave Bronson.  Now there's a guy who did
 everything right.  Like my coming along just when you needed
 a cab.  It would have happened like that to Dave."

 The rider said, "Well, nobody's perfect."

 The cabbie said, "Dave was.  He was a terrific athlete.  He
 could have gone on the pro tour in golf.  He could have played
 tennis with the best pros.  He sang like an opera baritone,
 and danced like a Broadway star.  He had a memory like a trap.
 Could remember everybody's birthday.  He could fix anything,
 not like me.  If I change even a fuse, I black out the whole
 neighborhood."

 The rider said, "No wonder you remember him."

 The cabbie said, "Well, no I never actually met Dave."

 The rider asked, "Then how do you know so much about him?"

 The cabbie exclaimed, " I married his widow!"

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Subj:     Nude Woman Hails Cab (S109)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #288 on 99-03-01

 One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving
 from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block.  Even
 before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into
 the cab and slammed the door.  Checking his rear view mirror
 as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet,
 naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he
 stammered.

 "Union Station," answered the woman.

 "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the
 mirror.

 The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what
 the hell are you looking at, driver?"

 "Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked, and
 I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

 The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front
 seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer
 your question?"

 Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got
 anything smaller?"

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Subj:     Nude Woman Hails A Jewish Cab Driver (S817)
          From: tom on 9/5/2012

 A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi
 in New York City.  The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman,
 opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

 He made no attempt to start the cab.

 The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with
 you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

 The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing,
 lady - I vasn't staring at you like you tink; dat vould
 not be proper vair I come from."

 The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're
 not staring at my boobs, sweetie, what are you doing then?" 

 He paused a moment, then told her... "Vell, M'am, I am
 looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,
 'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for
 dis ride?

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Subj:     Minister And Cabbie Die And Go To Heaven (S458b)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #227 on 98-09-25
      and From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 11/1/2005

 A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
 Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud
 shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

 Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may
 know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

 The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk
 City."  Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says
 to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff
 and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

 The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff,
 and it's the minister's turn.  He stands erect and booms
 out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the
 last forty-three years."  Saint Peter consults his list.
 He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden
 staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

 "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-
 driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.  How
 can this be?"

 "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While
 you preached, people slept; while he drove, people
 prayed."


Subj:     Short CabDriver Jokes
 

 Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently
 arrived immigrants.
 

From: jerry on 1/15/2002 (S259)
 Taxi driver Dick Head, 26, of Sydney, Australia, fed up with
 customers teasing him about his name, had it legally changed
 to Dick Foot.

UK Sunday People 6-Jan-02

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.........................From Smiley_Central.
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