Subj: Artist Jokes
(Includes 57 jokes and articles, 27846,35,cf)
Click "Here" for Artist-Supp
Drawing Hand from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Also see ASCII ART 1 - (see
ASCII ART 2 - (see whole file)
ASCII ART 3 - (see whole file)
ASIAN file - 'Japanese Mall Fountain'
BLACKS2 file - 'Painting Of Three Nude Black Men'
BUCKLEY file - 'Lord Buckley'
DOG1 file - 'How To Draw A Dog'
HORSE-SUPP - 'Justin, The Artistic Horse' - Movie
HOW MANY... - 'How Many Art Students To Change Light Bulb?'
KIDS2 file - 'Class Draws On Chalkboardn (Little Johnny)'
KIDS4 file - 'Crayon Color Quiz'
JESUS file - 'Last Supper In Sand'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Painted Ceiling In The Smoking Area'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Wife Has Portrait Painted'
MATH4b-SUPP - 'Artist's Puzzle'
MOVIES-SUPP - 'La Linea - Interactive' - Movie (in yyPictures)
OTHER-OCCUP - 'Grand Canyon Photographer'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Color Quiz'
SCIENCE2 file- 'The Feynman Series (part 1) - Beauty - Movie
TRAIN file - 'Glide 2' - Movie
TRUCK-BUS - 'Patriotic Trucker'
WORD_JOKS-SUP- 'Pearls Before Swine'
Learn How To Draw (S518)
Learn to draw a woman from the
a park bench,
a flower growing,
a woman's face,
a tiger in the jungle,
and to draw 9,837 other objects
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Gogh family (S443)
From: darrell94590 on 7/14/2005
HERE I GOGH
Van Gogh's Family Tree
His dizzy aunt -------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes -------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store - Stop n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia --------------- U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois ---------------------- Chica Gogh
His magician uncle ---------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------- A mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ---- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------- Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt --------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------- Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst ---------------------- E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin ----------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ---------- Way-to Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ---------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco ---------------------- Go Gogh His niece
who travels in a van -------------------------- Winnie Bay Gogh
"And there ya Gogh"!!!!
42 Jim Warren Paintings (S395)
From: igiggle on 8/18/2004
Click on the source above to
This painting is titled
"Living in a
Jim Warren Painting"
Subj: British Art (S265c, DU)
By Dave Barry
From: jerry on 2/25/2002
According to humor columnist,
Dave Barry, "We Americans
tend to assume that the British are more intelligent than
we are, because they speak with British accents. That's
why we need to know about the Turner Prize." The Turner
Prize is an esteemed award giving in the UK for art
Before you go and read Dave Barry's
very funny piece on
the Turner prize (Thanks Autymn for finding this!) we
have to set the stage by awarding a "This ain't art,"
bonehead award to the Ikon Gallery in Birmingham, UK,
which, using public funding, has paid for an "art exhibit,"
which is nothing more than a constantly repeating video
tape of ten Cuban men masturbating. It leaves nothing to
And what says the city's licensing committee?
One member, who says she's calling
in the police, states,
"No one wants to say this kind of thing is rubbish because
they want to sound arty but I'm not afraid to say it."
And what says the gallery?
They say it's a serious attempt
to convey the impact that
the sex trade had on the lives of ordinary people..
Sorry, we lost interest.
The Times (London) 25-Feb-02
Now that you get the idea, you're
ready to read Dave Barry's
funny commentary on the UK's Turner award:
Subj: Painting The Last Supper (S169, DU)
From: smiles on 4/24/00
The story of the painting, The
Last Supper, is extremely
interesting and instructive. The two incidents connected
with it afford a most convincing lesson on the effects of
right thinking or wrong thinking in the life of a boy or
girl, or of a man or a woman.
The Last Supper was painted by
Leonardo Da Vinci, a noted
Italian artist; and the time engaged for its completion
was seven years. The figures representing the twelve
Apostles and Christ himself were painted from living persons.
The life-model for the painting of the figure of Jesus was
When it was decided that Da Vinci
would paint this great
picture, hundreds and hundreds of young men were carefully
viewed in an endeavor to find a face and personality
exhibiting innocence and beauty, free from the scars and
signs of dissipation caused by sin.
Finally, after weeks of laborious
searching, a young man
nineteen years of age was selected as a model for the
portrayal of Christ. For six months, Da Vinci worked on
the production of this leading character of his famous
During the next six years, Da
Vinci continued his labors
on this sublime work of art. One by one fitting persons
were chosen to represent each of the eleven Apostles;
space being left for the painting of the figure representing
Judas Iscariot as the final task of this masterpiece. This
was the Apostle, you remember, who betrayed his Lord for
thirty pieces of silver, worth in our present day, currency
For weeks, Da Vinci searched
for a man with a hard callous
face, with a countenance marked by scars of avarice, deceit,
hypocrisy, and crime; a face that would delineate a character
who would betray his best friend.
After many discouraging experiences
in searching for the type
of person required to represent Judas, word came to Da Vinci
that a man whose appearance fully met his requirements had
been found in a dungeon in Rome, sentenced to die for a life
of crime and murder.
Da Vinci mad the trip to Rome
at once, and this man was
brought out from his imprisonment in the dungeon and led out
into the light of the sun. There Da Vinci saw before him a
dark, swarthy man; his long, shaggy and unkempt hair sprawled
over his face, which betrayed a character of viciousness and
complete ruin. At last, the famous painter had found the
person he wanted to represent the character of Judas in his
By special permission from the
king, this prisoner was
carried to Milan where the picture was being painted; and
for months he sat before Da Vinci at appointed hours each
day as the gifted artist diligently continued his task of
transmitting to his painting this base character in the
picture representing the traitor and betrayer of our savior.
As he finished his last stroke, he turned to the guards and
said, "I have finished. You may take the prisoner away."
As the guards were leading their
prisoner away, he suddenly
broke loose from their control and rushed up to Da Vinci,
crying as he did so, "O, Da Vinci, look at me! Do you not
know who I am?"
Da Vinci, with the trained eyes
of a great character
student, carefully scrutinized the man upon whose face he
had constantly gazed for six months and replied, "No, I
have never seen you in my life until you were brought
before me out of the dungeon in Rome."
Then, lifting his eyes toward
heaven, the prisoner said,
"Oh, God, have I fallen so low?". Then turning his face
to the painter he cried, "Leonardo Da Vinci! Look at me
again for I am the same man you painted just seven years
ago as the figure of Christ."
Subj: Artist's Paintings Sell (S224, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V3 #8 on 99-01-10
and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 5/16/2001
An artist asked the gallery owner
if there had been any
interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news,"
the owner replied. "The
good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist
exclaimed. "What's the bad
"The guy was your doctor."
Subj: Man And His Son Collected Art (DU)
From: pac_navigator on 98-12-11
Years ago, there was a very wealthy
man who, with his devoted
young son, shared a passion for art collecting. Together
they traveled around the world, adding only the finest art
treasures to their collection. Price-less works by Picasso,
Van Gogh, Monet and many others adorned the walls of the
The widowed elder man looked
on with satisfaction as his only
child became an experienced art collector. The son's trained
eye and sharp business mind caused his father to beam with
pride as they dealt with art collectors around the world. As
winter approached, war engulfed the nation, and the young man
left to serve his country.
After only a few short weeks,
his father received a telegram.
His beloved son was missing in action. The art collector
anxiously awaited more news, fearing he would never see his
son again. Within days, his fears were confirmed. The young
man had died while rushing a fellow soldier to a medic.
Distraught and lonely, the old man faced the upcoming Christmas
holidays with anguish and sadness. The joy of the season-a
season that he and his son had so looked forward to-would visit
his house no longer.
On Christmas morning, a knock
on the door awakened the
depressed old man. As he walked to the door, the masterpieces
of art on the walls only reminded him that his son was not
coming home. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a
soldier with a large package in his hand. He introduced
himself to the man by saying, "I was a friend of your son.
I was the one he was rescuing when he died. May I come in
for a few moments? I have something to show you." As the
two began to talk, the solider told of how the man's son had
told everyone of his father's love of fine art. "I'm an
artist," said the soldier, "and I want to give you this."
As the old man unwrapped the package, the paper gave way to
reveal a portrait of the man's son. Though the world would
never consider it the work of a genius, the painting featured
the young man's face in striking detail.
Overcome with emotion, the man
thanked the soldier, promising
to hang the picture above the fireplace. A few hours later,
after the soldier had departed, the old man set about his
task. True to his word, the painting went above the fireplace,
pushing aside thousands of dollars of paintings. The man sat
in his chair and spent Christmas gazing at the gift he had
been given. During the days and weeks that followed, the man
realized that even though his son was no longer with him, the
boy's life would live on because of those he had touched. He
would soon learn that his son had rescued dozens of wounded
soldiers before a bullet stilled his caring heart. As the
stories of his son's gallantry continued to reach him, fatherly
pride and satisfaction began to ease the grief. The painting
of his son soon became his most prized possession, far
eclipsing any interest in the pieces for which museums around
the world clamored. He told his neighbors it was the greatest
gift he had ever received.
The following spring, the old
man became ill and passed away.
The art world was in anticipation. With the collector's
passing, and his only son dead, those paintings would be sold
at an auction. According to the will of the old man, all of
the art works would be auctioned on Christmas day, the day he
had received his greatest gift. The day soon arrived and art
collectors from around the world gathered to bid on some of
the world's most spectacular paintings. Dreams would be
fulfilled this day; greatness would be achieved as many would
claim "I have the greatest collection."
The auction began with a painting
that was not on any museum's
list. It was the painting of the man's son. The auctioneer
asked for an opening bid. The room was silent. "Who will
open the bidding with $100?" he asked. Minutes passed. No
one spoke. From the back of the room came, "Who cares about
that painting? It's just a picture of his son. Let's forget
it and go on to the good stuff." More voices echoed in
"No, we have to sell this one
first," replied the auctioneer.
"Now, who will take the son?" Finally, a friend of the old
man spoke. "Will you take ten dollars for the painting? That
is all I have. I knew the boy, so I'd like to have it." "I
have ten dollars. Will anyone go higher?" called the auctioneer.
After more silence, the auctioneer
said, "Going once, going
twice. Gone." The gavel fell. Cheers filled the room and
someone exclaimed, "Now we can get on with it and we can bid
on these treasures!"
The auctioneer looked at the
audience and announced the auction
was over. Stunned disbelief quieted the room. Someone spoke
up and asked, "What do you mean it's over? We didn't come here
for a picture of some old guy's son. What about all of these
paintings? There are millions of dollars of art here! I
demand that you explain what's going on here!."
The auctioneer replied, "It's
very simple. According to the
will of the father, whoever takes the son...gets it all."
Puts things into perspective,
doesn't it? Just as those art
collectors discovered on that Christmas day, the message is
still the same - the love of a Father - a Father whose
greatest joy came from his son who went away and gave his
life rescuing others. And because of that Father's love...
whoever takes the Son gets it all.
Subj: The Painters: (S83, DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-08-31
Back in the fifteenth century,
in a tiny village near Nuremberg,
lived a family with eighteen children. Eighteen! In order
merely to keep food on the table for this mob, the father and
head of the household, a goldsmith by profession, worked almost
eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying chore he
could find in the neighborhood.
Despite their seemingly hopeless
condition, two of Albrecht
Durer the Elder's children had a dream. They both wanted to
pursue their talent for art, but they knew full well that their
father would never be financially able to send either of them
to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.
After many long discussions at
night in their crowded bed, the
two boys finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin.
The loser would go down into the nearby mines and, with his
earnings, support his brother while he attended the academy.
When that brother who won the toss completed his studies, in
four years, he would support the other brother at the academy,
either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by
laboring in the mines.
They tossed a coin on a Sunday
morning after church. Albrecht
Durer won the toss and went off to Nuremberg.
Albert went down into the dangerous
mines and, for the next
four years, financed his brother, whose work at the academy
was almost an immediate sensation. Albrecht's etchings, his
woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of most of
his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning
to earn considerable fees for his commissioned works.
When the young artist returned
to his village, the Durer
family held a festive dinner on their lawn to celebrate
Albrecht's triumphant homecoming. After a long and memorable
meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from
his honored position at the head of the table. His words
were, "And now, Albert, blessed brother of mine, now it is
your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream,
and I will take care of you." All heads turned in eager
expectation to the far end of the table where Albert sat,
tears streaming down his pale face, shaking his lowered head
from side to side while he sobbed and repeated, over and over,
"No ...no ...no ...no."
Finally, Albert rose and wiped
the tears from his cheeks. He
glanced down the long table at the faces he loved, and then,
holding his hands close to his right cheek, he said softly,
"No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg. It is too late for
me. Look ... look what four years in the mines have done to
my hands! The bones in every finger have been smashed at
least once, and lately I have been suffering from arthritis
so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold a glass to
return your toast, much less make delicate lines on parchment
or canvas with a pen or a brush. No, brother ... for me it is
More than 450 years have passed.
By now, Albrecht Durer's
hundreds of masterful portraits, pen and silver-point sketches,
watercolors, charcoals, woodcuts, and copper engravings hang
in every great museum in the world, but the odds are great that
you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht
Durer's works. More than merely being familiar with it, you
very well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.
One day, to pay homage to Albert
for all that he had sacrificed,
Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother's abused hands
with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He
called his powerful drawing simply "Hands," but the entire world
almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece
and renamed his tribute of love "The Praying Hands."
The next time you see a copy
of that touching creation, take a
second look. Let it be your reminder, if you still need one,
that no one - no one - - ever makes it alone!
Subj: Artist And The Nude Model (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #51 on 98-02-22
Some time ago, there was this
artist, who worked from a studio
in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on
what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported,
and after exchanging the usual
greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's
work. He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with
a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her
for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted
some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, "Oh, please,
let me fix it for you. It's the
least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup
They were sitting in the living
room just exchanging small
talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door
open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God!!!" he whispered tersely,
"It's my wife! Quick!!!
Take all your clothes off."
Subj: Short Artist Jokes
Animated Stickman (S502b in Short Jokes)
When God Paints (S519)
More Strange Statues Of The World (S511c)
Swimming Pool Art (S509c)
A Single Sheet Of Paper... (S508)
Christofer Gilbert's Artwork (S505b)
Microscopic Art (S500)
by Willard Wigen
From: catlynnbray on 8/18/2006
You can see a movie about Willard
Wigan's art work by clicking
Crop Circles (S498b in Aliens)
Crop Circles Gain Perspective
By Nigel Watson| Also by this reporter
Crop circles have started appearing
again in the English
countryside, but this time in a new permutation.
A crop circle in a complicated
was discovered in the first week of July near Ashbury,
Oxfordshire. The exaggerated perspective of the formation,
which is approximately 360 feet in diameter, suggests a
bird's-eye view of a group of skyscrapers, as though the
viewer was looking down on a city center from directly
You can view these Crop Circles
at the source above, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Mus?e du Louvre PPS (S496)
Sand Sculptures From Vancouver (S490)
39 Drawings Of Leonardo Da Vinci (S486b)
Four Mobius Benches (S481c in Math2)
From: Science News on 4/10/2006
10 Statues (S481b)
Dogs Made From Flowers (S479c in Dogs3)
Nine Ice Scupltures (S479)
Warp Faces Of 25 Stars (S470)
Can Food Art (S469 in Food-Etc)
NYC Design and Build Canned Goods
and engineers compete to see whose team can build the most
spectacular structure using little more than cans of food.
The exhibit at New York Design Center is open to the public.
At the end of the competition, the 130,000 cans will be
given to the Food Bank of New York City. For more
information, visit http://www.canstruction.org/
You can view fifteen pictures
from the competition at the
sources above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
From: art.com on 11/7/2005
Mickey Mouse Clipart (S458b)
From: Disney Halloween Clipart
Need pictures of Pooh or Mickey?
Here is the place to go.
Amazing Wood Carver (S455)
Sand Animation (S447b in Movies)
and From: www.Jamizine.com
To see the WMV movie, you can
go to the source above, or
my web site by clicking 'HERE'. To view it through your
computer's media player click 'HERE'.
Cakes As Art (S447 in Food-Etc)
Niagra Shopping Mall (S445)
Hospital Mural (S444b)
Chinese Watermelon Art (S442b in Chinese)
ZoomQuilt Art (S442)
Brick Art Work (S431)
9 Sand Sculptures (S429 and S673)
Eggshell Art 1 to 6 (S429)
The Five Street Art Pictures (S424)
The Three More Street Art Pictures
on 10/5/2005 (S455b)
Four More Amazing Street Paintings (S658)
Panting on Side of House (S418b)
From: Buffalo's Jokes on 01/30/05
Subj: Make Your Own Picasso Picture (S362b)
From: igiggle on 12/29/2003
Mr. Picasso Head - http://www.mrpicassohead.com/create.html
Make your own and share with others.
Subj: Truly Amazing Picture (S323)
From: BennoRo on 4/7/2003
Check out this website and focus on the middle for
20 seconds and then look at a flat surface.
Subj: Photo Removed From Exhibit (S269d)
From: jerry on 3/26/2002
Bonehead award four goes to Sacramento (California) State
University's Writing Center for removing a photograph of
a sea shell from an art exhibit because some people at
the center said it reminded them of a vagina. They said
it was too sensual. Hmm. Whatever turns you on, baby.
They should ponder the words
of Sigmund Freud, "Sometimes
a cigar is just a cigar."
Sacramento News And Review 14-Mar-02
Subj: Large Art (S257)
From: jerry on 12/18/2001
Reader Joshua Roberts challenged a story in a recent issue
that described the world's largest piece of art, pointing
out that the Nasca Lines in Peru are much larger, covering
an area of 450 square kilometers.
You can see them at, and get
full information at:
Who is "Lisa Gheradini"?
DaVinci's Mona Lisa
From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
*Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
In 1983, a Japanese artist made
a copy of the Mona Lisa
completely out of toast.
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/20/2002 (S269c)
"An artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift
is nothing without work." -- Emile Zola (1840-1902)
From: octagon999 on 8/5/00 (S184)
If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted
on the Sistine floor. -- Neil Simon (1927-, American Playwright)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/27/2002 (S300)
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I
don't need. -- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917),
when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues
From: igiggle on 1/10/2006 (S468b)
Everyone wants to understand painting. Why is there no attempt
to understand the song of the birds? -- Pablo Picasso
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/12/2006 (S483b)
"The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from
all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap
of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider's web."
-- Pablo Picasso
|Smiley the Artists from