Subj:   Doctor-Supp Jokes (d3b)
             (Includes 29 jokes and articles)

Doctor Studies Reflexes
WingSpan Fun Stuff
Includes the following:  Prescription Pills (S520)
.........................Having Green Spots On Your Thighs (S534b)
.........................Laughter Is The Best Medicine (S448b)
.........................Eye Exam (S448)
.........................Medical Students Diagnose Syndromes (S448)
.........................Having One Leg Shorter Than The Other (S440b)
.........................Surgeon Checks On Blonde After Operation (S420b)
.........................A Rushed Visit To The Gynecologist (S418)
.........................Two Doctors Discuss Dyslexic Nurse (S403b)
.........................Three Ill Men See The Doctor (S402)
.........................Little Bag Sees Doctor (S396b)
.........................Man Wants To Live Longer (S394)
.........................Irish Woman Wants Viagra For Her Husband (S388b)
.........................UK Brain Surgeon Suspended (S386)
.........................Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating (S376)
.........................Asking The Doctor If You'll Live To 80 (S342b, S521c)
.........................Three Texas Surgeons Brag (S318)
.........................Patient Comments During Colonoscopies (S315, S511)
.........................The Mechanic And The Doctor (S315b)
.........................More Short Doctor Jokes
..............................Ophthalmology Cartoons (S558b)
..............................Elderly See Doctor - Cartoon (S514b)
..............................Abnormal Symptoms (S544c)
..............................Jewish Man Has Son Do Operation (S397)
..............................Lethal Injections (S395b)
..............................Doctoring A Doctor (S328b)

Subj:     Prescription Pills (S520)
          From: gayleheckman
          on 1/9/2007

 This 1,600 KB movie is a musical about prescription pills.
 It probablyn isn't worth a trip to the internet.  You can
 see it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Having Green Spots On Your Thighs (S534b)
          From: darrell94590 on 4/14/2007

 A woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange
 development, a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
 They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem
 to be getting worse.  The doctor assures her he'll get to
 the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until
 the tests come back.

 A few days later, the woman's phone rings.  Much to her
 relief, it's the doctor.  She immediately begs to know
 what's causing the spots.

 The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there's no
 problem.  But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"

 The woman stammers, "Why, Yes, but how did you know?"

 "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Laughter Is The Best Medicine (S448b)
          From: LABLaughsClean20050819 on 8/19/2005

 Anything that's become a cliche can't possibly be a
 groundbreaking medical secret.  Such is the case with the
 old saw, "Laughter is the best medicine."  Everybody knows
 this one, right?  Of course, but it's still interesting when
 science backs up the old sayings.

 And according to an ABCNews.com report from this past spring,
 a new study has elevated the old laughter-as-medicine another
 rung on the credibility ladder.  Conducted by the University
 of Maryland, the new research focused on the physiological
 reactions of a group of test subjects to movies of various

 The study group who watched a funny movie experienced an
 increase in blood flow in 95% of cases, while exactly the
 opposite was true for those forced to watch a sobering or
 sad movie - 74% of these experienced diminished blood flow.
 In the "comedy" group, the circulatory benefits lasted 12
 to 24 hours.

 None of this surprises me, and it shouldn't surprise you.
 Think about it: When you laugh really hard at a something,
 don't your cheeks get a little rosy?  Most people's do.
 That's all the evidence anyone should need that laughing
 boosts circulation.  It's literally written all over your

 Presented at this past spring's meeting of the American
 College of Cardiology, the study points to a strong
 correlation between laughter and circulatory/cardiovascular
 health.  Past studies have focused on laughter's
 stress-relieving capabilities as a mechanism behind its
 heart-healthy benefits.  It all makes sense.  Laughter does
 all sorts of good things to us: It both reduces killer
 stress AND improves blood flow.  It also releases powerful,
 painkilling endorphins into our blood.

 Besides this, there's evidence that laughing boosts immunity,
 too.  A 2000 study of medical students showed an increase in
 T-cell (viral killers) activity in the blood while watching
 humorous videotapes.  Other research showed laughter to be
 beneficial against heart arrhythmias.

 The punch line is this: Whether there's evidence proving it
 or not, common sense tells us that laughing is good for us
 on many levels.  Do it long and often and you'll live longer
 and healthier for it.

 William Campbell Douglass II, MD

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Eye Exam (S448)
          From Comedy Central on 8/14/2005

 A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination.  They start
 talking as the doctor is examing his eyes.  In the middle of
 their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to
 stop masturbating."

 The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

 The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients
 in the waiting room."

                          -(o o)-
Subj:     Medical Students Diagnose Syndromes (S448)
          From: darrell94590 on 8/13/2005

 Two medical students were walking along the street when they
 saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.  One of
 the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry
 Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

 The other student says: "No, I don't think so.  The old man
 surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.  He walks just as we learned
 in class."

 Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
 They approached the old man and one of the students said
 to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice
 the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you
 might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

 The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me
 what you think."

 One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

 The old man said: "You thought.......... but you're wrong."

 The other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

 The old man said: "You thought......... but you're wrong."

 So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"

 And the old man said: "I thought it was a fart...........
 but I was wrong."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Having One Leg Shorter Than The Other (S440b)
          From: LabLaughs.com on 7/2/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_jokes.php?id=20050629

 I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the
 left all the time.  It used to bother me, so I suggested he
 see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.  For years, he
 refused... told me I was crazy.  But last week, he finally
 went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg
 was 1/4" shorter than his right.  A quick bit of orthopedic
 surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the
 same length now, and he no longer leans.  "So," I said, "You
 didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your
 leg."  He just looked at me and said, "I, stand corrected."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Surgeon Checks On Blonde After Operation (S420b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/10/2005

 A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an
 operation. She was awake, so he examined her.

 "You'll be fine," he said.

 She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have
 a normal sex life again doctor?"

 The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

 "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

 He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.  It's just that no one
 has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     A Rushed Visit To The Gynecologist (S418)
          From: jbcary1 on 1/27/2005

 I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later
 in the week.  Early on Monday morning, I received a call
 from his office to tell me that my appointment had been
 rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 AM.

 I had just packed everyone off to work and school, and it
 was already around 8:45 AM.  Since the trip to his office
 would take about 35 minutes, I didn't have any time to spare.

 As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over
 hygiene when making  such visits, but this time I wasn't
 going to be able to make the full effort.

 So, I  rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the wash-
 cloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a
 quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least

 I then threw the washcloth in the hamper, donned some
 clothes, hopped in  the car and raced to my appointment.

 I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was
 called in.  Knowing the procedure, as I'm  sure you do, I
 hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the
 room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a
 million miles away.

 I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we've
 made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't

 After the exam, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
 The rest of the day  was normal... some shopping, cleaning,
 cooking, etc.  After school when my six year old daughter
 was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy,
 where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from
 the cupboard.

 She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink,
 it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Two Doctors Discuss Dyslexic Nurse (S403b)
          From: Anonymous Junior on 10/02/04

 Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining
 about Nurse Jenny.  "She's incredibly dumb.  She does every-
 thing absolutely backwards." said one doctor.  "Just last
 week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet
 every 10 hours.  She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours.
 He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said,

 "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a
 patient an enema every 24 hours.  She tried to give him 24
 enemas in one hour!  The guy nearly exploded!"

 Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down
 the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just
 realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Three Ill Men See The Doctor (S402)
          From: DafterLafter on 7/23/2004

 Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to
 discuss their options. There was an Alcoholic, one was a
 Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.

 The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of
 you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely
 die." The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that
 he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

 While walking toward the subway for their return trip to
 the suburbs, they passed a bar. The Alcoholic, hearing the
 loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself.

 His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a
 shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass
 on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

 His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realising
 how seriously they must take the doctor's words.

 As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying
 on the ground, still burning.

 The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You
 know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Little Bag Sees Doctor (S396b)
          From: JokesUncut on 8/24/2004

 A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself
 off to the doctor's.

 "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.

 "Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a
 blood test and see what that shows, come back and see me in
 a couple of days."

 The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for
 the results.

 "What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag.

 "I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor.

 "No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the
 little paper bag.

 "Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor.

 "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper

 "Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous
 drug users?" asked the doctor.

 "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper

 "Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or
 a blood transfusion?" queried the doctor.

 "NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!"

 "Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual

 "NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a
 little paper bag!"

 "Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor
 "Your mother must have been a carrier..."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Man Wants To Live Longer (S394)
          From: JokesUncut on 8/12/2004

 A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to
 live very long. What should I do?"

 "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies.
 "Let's see, do you smoke?"

 "Oh.. Half a pack a day."

 "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

 The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"

 "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my
 meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."

 "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."

 The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.

 The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"

 "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."

 "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet.
 You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no
 dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."

 The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this
 really necessary?"

 "Do you want to live long?"


 "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't
 even think of breaking the diet." The man is
 quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do
 you have sex?"

 "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!"
 he adds hurriedly.

 "As soon as you get out of here you are going to
 buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."

 The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm
 going to live longer this way?"

 "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure
 you is going to seem like an eternity!"

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Irish Woman Wants Viagra For Her Husband (S388b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 7/2/2004
          (See 'Three Couples Seek Church Membership' in CHURCH
           and see 'Sex at the freezer' in Marriage2)

 An Irish woman "of a certain age", visited her physician to
 ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

 "What about trying Viagra?", asks the doctor.

 "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

 "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee.
 He won't even taste it.  Give it a try and call me in a week
 to let me know how things went."

 It wasn't a week later, but what she rang up the doctor, who
 directly inquired as to progress.

 The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
 'Twas horrid. Just terrible, Doctor."

 "Really? What happened?", asked the doctor.

 "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, didn't I?

 The effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up,
 with a twinkle in his eye!  With one swoop of his arm, he sent
 the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters
 and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love
 to me on the tabletop!  It was a nightmare, I tell you!"

 "Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was
 not good?"

 "No, no, no, Doctor.  The sex was fine.  Indeed, 'twas the best
 sex I've had in 25 years.  But I'll never be able to show me
 face in Starbucks again!"

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     UK Brain Surgeon Suspended (S386)
          From: BoneheadOfTheDayAward on 6/14/2004

 UK's National Health Services (NHS), already struggling with
 unreasonably long delays in providing necessary neurosurgery to
 patients owing to a critical lack of available doctors, suspended
 one of Britain's leading brain surgeons, Dr. Terence Hope, for
 three days, pending a full investigation, because he took extra
 croutons with his soup while in the hospital cafeteria.

 Writes the London Telegraph "...every so often a tale crops up
 of such flaring, dazzling idiocy that the entire nation is
 rendered quite breathless by it."

 The NHS defends their action saying that they treat doctors like
 everyone else.  But as the London Telegraph writes, "But, as most
 members of the public easily understand, hospital doctors are not
 just like anyone else: they work long and often inconvenient hours,
 in testing circumstances, and if a doctor is regularly working
 while exhausted or hungry it will have a more dramatic impact on
 the general public than if, say, young Harriet at the Tesco's meat
 counter is feeling a bit headachy after a night on the tiles."
 [night on the tiles??]

 He's been reinstated.  Three surgeries were forced to be cancelled.

 Daily Telegraph (UK) 28-Mar-04

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating (S376)
          From: thebartend on 4/12/2004

 The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her
 daughter was probably having sex.  Worried the girl might
 become pregnant, and that this would reflect badly on the
 whole family, she consulted the family doctor.

 The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful
 and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in
 rebellion.  He recommended that she arrange for her
 daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk
 to her and give her a box of condoms.

 That evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date,
 the woman told her about her visit to the doctor and
 handed her a box of condoms.

 The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her
 mother, saying: "Oh Mom!  You don't have to worry about
 that!  I'm dating Susan!"

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Asking The Doctor If You'll Live To 80 (S342b, S521c)
          From: DoctorDebt on 8/15/2003
      and From: allenbergmant on 1/12/07

 I recently picked a new primary care physician.  After two
 visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly
 well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I
 couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

 He asked,"Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?"

 "Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."

 Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs?"

 I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

 "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?"
 he said.

 "No, I don't," I said.

 He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or
 fool around with sexy women?"

 "No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."

 He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit
 if you live to be 80?"

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Three Texas Surgeons Brag (S318)
          From: gomilpitas on 3/1/2003

 Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and
 discussing surgeries they had performed.  One of them
 said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas.  A concert pianist
 lost 7 fingers in an accident.  I reattached them, and
 8 months later he performed a private concert for the
 Queen of England."

 One of the others said, "That's nothing.  A young man
 lost both arms and legs in an accident.  I reattched
 them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field
 events in the Olympics."

 The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs.  Several
 years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode
 a horse head-on into a train travelling 80 miles an hour.
 All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a
 cowboy hat.  Now he's president of the United States."

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Patient Comments During Colonoscopies (S315, S511c)
          From: pns on 2/8/2003
      and From: JBCARY1 on 11/3/2006

 A physician claims these are actual comments from his
 patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
  1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where
      no man has gone before."
  2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
  3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
  4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
  5. "Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?
      Are we there yet?"
  6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
  7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
  8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left
      hand out.  You do the Hokey Pokey...."
  9. "Hey!  Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
 10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
 11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
 12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
 13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that
      my head is not, in fact, up there?"

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     The Mechanic And The Doctor (S315b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/8/2003

 Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift
 when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser,
 who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service

 Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the
 garage, "Hey Kaiser. Is dat you? Come over here a minute."

 The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where
 Jerry was working on the car. Jerry, in a loud voice that
 all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. fancy doctor,
 look at this work. I too, take valves out, grind 'em, put
 in new parts, and when I'm finished, this baby will purr
 like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you
 and me are doing basically the same work?"

 Dr. Kaiser, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied in
 a soft voice, "Try doing your work with the engine

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     More Short Doctor Jokes

Subj:     Ophthalmology Cartoons (S558b)
          From: jbcary1 on 9/25/2007
      and From: WashingtonPost on 10/03/2007
 Source: http://comics.washingtonpost.com/11_comics_wizard-of-id.html
 You can view this cute political cartoon on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Elderly See Doctor (S514b)
          From: darrell94590
          on 11/26/2006
 You can see this cute cartoon on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Abnormal Symptoms (S544c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/14/2007
 A successful businessman goes to the doctor to ask about
 some abnormal symptoms. The doctor asks him, "What problems
 are you experiencing ?"

 The businessman tells the doctor, "I'm terrified of driving
 in dark places or with other people in the car."

 The doctor thinks for a minute, then states, "That's easy to
 solve ...  You have car-pool-tunnel syndrome."

Subj:     Jewish Man Has Son Do Operation (S397)
          From: Imogenelumen on 8/24/2004
 An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting
 surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon,
 perform the operation.  As he was about to get the anesthesia
 he asked to speak to his son.

 "Yes, Dad, what is it?"

 "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it
 doesn't go well, if something happens to me.  Your mother is
 going to come and live with you and your wife...."

Subj:    Lethal Injections (S395b)
         From:igiggle on 8/18/2004
 Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to
 give their patients a lethal injection.  But they also
 went on to say that the patient would have to be really,
 really behind on payments.

Subj:     Doctoring A Doctor (S328b)
          From: igiggle on 5/6/2003
 Does a doctor doctor a doctor according to the doctored
 doctor's doctrine of doctoring, or does the doctor doing
 the doctoring doctor the other doctor according to his
 own doctoring doctrine?

From: Joke-Of-The-Day@joke-of-the-day.com on 3/19/2003 (S321b)
 I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors
 were wearing masks.  -- James H. Boren

From: pns on 7/30/2003 (S341b)
 A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who
 never owned a car.  -- Carrie Snow

From: igiggle on 7/27/2004 (S392b)
 An American surgeon lecturing medical students in Bristol,
 England, was asked if he considered the operation he was
 describing a valuable one.  "Valuable?" demanded the surgeon,
 a little taken aback.  "I raised five kids on it."

                           -(o o)-
Smiley in a Syringe from