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Subj:     Cowboy2 Jokes
                 (Includes 35 jokes and articles, 090982,19,cf,5XT2,13)

Cowboy Saddle
from
Millanimations
Includes the following:  Carol Burnett Show - The Old Sheriff - Video (S982)
.........................The General And The Indian Scout (S453)
.........................A True Lone Ranger Story - Video (S546, S807)
.........................Cowboy Poetry (S310b)
.........................Cowboy Vacation In Alberta - Vacation (S823)
.........................The Cowboy Code (S488)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S677b)
.........................Cowboy Solution (S861)
.........................Jim Lisk, A Cowboy Cartoonist (S766)
.........................Old Prospector Comes To Town (S589b, S873)
.........................Today's The Day - Video (S508)
.........................Top 17 Country Songs (S517)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S641b)
.........................Cowboy Poetry - Women's Underwear (S432b, S778)
.........................Great TV Cowboys - Video (S605b)
.........................Two Cowpokes And The Indian Head (S383b)
.........................Mostly Rodeo Accidents - Video (S590b, S793)
.........................Top 30 Things A Texan Will Never Say (S359b)
.........................Gunslinger Supreme - Video (S600b)
.........................Three Men At The Urinals (S326b)
.........................Old West Phrases (S486b)
.........................Spur Maker Kevin Johnson - Video (S879)
.........................Blonde Cowboy (S436b)
.........................Cowboy And The Epileptic Bride (S188)
.........................Song "But I Could Be Wrong" - Video (S583c)
.........................Texan And His Bride Get A Room (S188)
.........................Cowboy And Cowgirl On Their Honeymoon (S191)
.........................Rodeo Teeter-Totter - Video (S560b, S783)
.........................Boy Sees His First Cowboy (S167)
.........................More Short Cowboy Jokes
..............................Rare Pictures Of The Old Wild West (S799)
..............................A Cowboy's Headstone (S658)
..............................Bull Riding - Cartoon (S444)
..............................Why Cowboys Live So Long (S427b)
..............................Davy Crockett At The Alamo (S551)
..............................Brokeback Mountain2 (S482)
..............................Second Texas Limo (S436b)

..Made from LegendsOfAmericaand Metal-Art.us
Subj:     Carol Burnett Show - The Old Sheriff (S982d)
          From: The Carol Burnett Show
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/TP6yDJEPDKA
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...........Click 'HERE' to see this great classic skit.
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..Top
Subj:     The General And The Indian Scout (S453)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/21/2005

 An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked.  The wily
 old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.

 "Scout, you must use all your thirty years of skills for
 me and try to estimate the sort of army we are up against
 here."

 The trusty Indian Scout lays down and puts his ear to the
 ground.

 "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves,
 four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions.
 All have war paint.  Many, many guns! Medicine man also with
 them."

 "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of
 that just by listening to the ground?"

 "NO," replied the Indian. . .

 "I can see under the gate."

..Top
Subj:     A True Lone Ranger Story (S546, S807d)
          From: Stupidity.org on 7/1/2007
      and From: virv on 6/27/2012
 Photo from Paul and Sue's Hoempage
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/KFabfnfhIaY

 While Jay Thomas is on the Late Show with David Letterman,
 he tells a true Lone Ranger story.  This is very funny
 stuff.  You can see this video by clicking 'HERE'.

 The source video and my copy are videos of two different
 visits by Jay Thomas on the Late Show.  The source is a
 recent retelling of the original story told on my copy.

..Top
Subj:     Cowboy Poetry (S310b)
..........From: truhland on 1/13/2003

 Jake, the rancher, went one day to fix a distant fence.
 The wind was cold and gusty and the clouds rolled gray
 and dense.

 As he pounded the last staples in and gathered tools to go,
 The temperature had fallen, the wind and snow began to blow.

 When he finally reached his pickup, he felt a heavy heart.
 From the sound of that ignition, he knew it wouldn't start.

 So Jake did what most of us would do if we had been there.
 He humbly bowed his balding head and sent aloft a prayer.

 As he turned the key for the last time, he softly cursed
 his luck.
 They found him three days later, frozen stiff in that old truck.

 Now Jake had been around in life and done his share of roaming.
 But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked, it looked just
 like Wyoming!

 Of all the saints in Heaven, his favorite was St. Peter.
 (Now, this line ain't needed but it helps with rhyme and meter)

 So they set and talked a minute or two, or maybe it was three.
 Nobody was keeping' score -- in Heaven time is free.

 "I've always heard," Jake said to Pete, "that God will answer prayer,
 But one time I asked for help, well, he just plain wasn't there."

 "Does God answer prayers of some, and ignore the prayers of others?
 That don't seem exactly square -- I know all men are brothers."

 "Or does he randomly reply, without good rhyme or reason?
 Maybe, it's the time of day, the weather or the season."

 "Now I ain't trying to act smart, it's just the way I feel.
 And I was wondering', could you tell me -- what the heck's
 the deal?!"

 Peter listened very patiently and when Jake was done,
 There were smiles of recognition, and he said, "So, you're
 the one!!"

 "That day your truck, it wouldn't start, and you sent your
 prayer a flying,
 You gave us all a real bad time, with hundreds of us trying."

 "A thousand angels rushed, to check the status of your file,
 But you know, Jake, we hadn't heard from you in quite
 a long while."

 "And though all prayers are answered, and God ain't got no quota,
 He didn't recognize your voice, and started a truck in Minnesota."

 BETTER KEEP IN TOUCH!

..Top
Subj:     Cowboy Vacation In Alberta (S823d)
          From: Mel's Video of the Day on 10/19/12
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/JVQVns_2IvA

 Sierra West is a true southern Alberta working cattle
 ranch.  This outstanding ranch vacation welcomes
 visitors who seek horseback riding holidays, cozy log
 cabins, adventure of the great outdoors, personal
 attention ? peace and quiet in the breathtaking
 landscape of South West Alberta Canada.  Click
 'HERE' to see the vacation of a lifetime.

..Top
Subj:     The Cowboy Code (S488)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/24/2006

 I grew up in much simpler times.  Television was in its infancy,
 and the idea of a hero was exemplified in the white-hatted
 cowboy.  There was a clarity and simplicity to such a hero`s
 moral code that left no doubt there is a right and wrong.

 As I became more sophisticated, it was easy to ridicule these
 simplistic approaches to ethics and living.  Yet the more I
 learn, the more I`ve come to think there`s as much danger in
 complexifying our choices into endless shades of gray.

 Sure, there are extenuating factors and exceptions that
 challenge the validity of every ethical principle, but on
 balance we need clear prescriptive guidelines of virtue.  Such
 guidelines are provided in the quaintly old-fashioned Cowboy
 Code promoted by the late Gene Autry:

  1. Don`t shoot first, hit a smaller man or take unfair
     advantage.
  2. Don`t go back on your word or a trust confided
     in you.
  3. Tell the truth.
  4. Be gentle with children, the elderly and animals.
  5. Don`t advocate or possess racially or religiously
     intolerant ideas.
  6. Help people in distress.
  7. Be a good worker.
  8. Keep yourself clean in thought, speech, action and
     personal habits.
  9. Respect women, parents and the law.
 10. Be patriotic.

 With a little updating, this code still works.

..Top
(S677b)
     by John Graziano on 12/30/2009 (in College1)
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/12/30
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Subj:     Cowboy Solution (S861)
          From: AFine963 on 7/7/2013

 Cowboy rules for:

 Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming,
 Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Utah, Nebraska,
 Idaho and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

  1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

  2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

  3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.'
     I drive a pickup truck because I want to.  No matter
     how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your
     Lexus.  Drive it or get out of the way.

  4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle.
     They smell like money to us. Get over it.  Don't
     like it? I-10 ? I-40 go east and west, I-17 ? I-15
     goes north and south. Pick one and go.

  5. So you have a $60,000 car.  We're impressed. We
     have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks
     a year.

  6. Every person in the Wild West waves.  It's called
     being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

  7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/
     pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt,
     we WILL shoot it outta your hand.  You better hope
     you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

  8. Yeah.  We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk.  You
     really want sushi and caviar?  It's available at
     the corner bait shop.

  9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season.
     It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday
     to the first of November.

 10. We open doors for women.  That's applied to all
     women, regardless of age.

 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.
     Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and
     pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main
     dishes: meats, vegetables and breads.  We use three
     spices: salt, pepper and ketchup!  Oh, yeah ... We
     don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that
     stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

 13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown,
     wet and served over ice.  You bring 'Mary Jane'
     into my house, she better be cute, know how to
     shoot, drive a truck and have long hair.

 14. College and High School Football is as important
     here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the
     Lakers and the Knicks and a dang site more fun
     to watch.

 15. Yeah, we have golf courses.  But don't hit the
     water hazards - it spooks the fish.

 16. Turn down that blasted car stereo!  That thumpity-
     thump ain't music, anyway.  We don't want to hear
     it any more than we want to see your boxers!
     Refer back to #1!

 17. Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard
     the borders....

 18. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the
     Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo
     and ship him to Afghanistan ....

     Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he
     must serve a tour in OUR military....

     Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and
     tax him on it......

     After his tour, he will be allowed to become a
     citizen since he defended this country.....  He
     will also be registered to be taxed and be a
     legal resident......
..Top
Subj:     Jim Lisk, A Cowboy Cartoonist (S766d)
          Drawings by Jim Lisk
          From: virv on 9/18/2011
 Source: http://www.cowboycartoonists.com/member.cfm?memberID=23

 Jim Lisk, self taught cartoonist/artist who was raised on
 a dairy ranch in eastern Washington state.  He broke into
 the professional freelance market selling gag cartoons to
 SRI Publishing company of Fort Worth, Texas from 1968 to
 1972.  Click 'HERE' to see five of my favorite Lisk drawings.
 Many great Lisk drawings are for sale from $500 to $1,500 at
 the first source.

..Top
Subj:     Old Prospector Comes To Town (S589b, S873)
          From: ginafm on 4/27/2008
      and From: darrelldre on 9/23/2013

 (See 'Cowboy Kisses Horses Ass' in Cowboy1)

 An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western
 town one day.  He'd been out in the desert for about six
 months without a drop of whiskey.

 He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his
 old mule to the hitch rail.

 As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face
 and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon
 with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

 The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
 saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

 The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I
 never did dance.  I just never wanted to.'

 A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well,
 you old fool, you're gonna dance now,' and started shooting
 at the old man's feet.  The old prospector was hopping
 around and everybody was laughing.

 When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his
 gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

 The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and
 pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
 The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
 The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around
 looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

 The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

 The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've
 always wanted to.'

 The lessons from this story are:

 1. Don't waste ammunition.

 2. Don't mess with old people.

..Top
Subj:     Today's The Day (S508d)
          From: edapsmas on 10/16/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/fMNzF9i8e4k

 This music video is Rodney Carrington's very funny country
 western song "Today's The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend."
 You can view this video by clicking 'HERE'.

..Top
Subj:     Top 17 Country Songs (S517)
..........From: jbcary1 on 12/11/06

 17. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

 16. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips At Night
     That Chewed My Ass Out All Day

 15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life,
     Then Number Two On You

 14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

 13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

 12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well

 11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better

 10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause
     I'm Afraid She'd Win

  9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

  8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

  7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To,
     I'd Be Out Of Prison Now

  6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend,
     and I Sure Do Miss Him

  5. She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger

  4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

  3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Were Pure

  2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

     And the Number One Country Song ---

  1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman,
     But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

....Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S641b)
          By Dan Piraro on 4/21/2009
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/april-21-2009/
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.Top
Subj:     Cowboy Poetry - Women's Underwear (S432b, S778)
          From: Dickschu on 5/9/2005
      and From: virv on 12/6/2011

 I ain't much for shopping,
 Nor even goin' into town -
 Except at cattle-shipping time,
 I ain't too easily found.

 But the day came when I had to go
 And I left the kids with ma.
 But before I left she asked me,
 "Would you pick me up a bra?"

 Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"
 How tough could that job be?
 I bent down and kissed her
 And said, "I'll be back by three"

 Well, when I done the things I needed,
 I started to regret
 Ever offering to buy that thing,
 I was working up a sweat.

 I crossed the street to the ladies shop
 With my hat pulled over my eyes,
 I wasn't takin' any chances
 On bein' recognized.

 I walked up to the sales clerk -
 I didn't hem or haw -
 I told the lady right straight out,
 "Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."

 From behind I heard some snickers,
 So I turned around to see
 At least fifteen women in the store
 And they's all a'gawkin' at me!

 "What kind would you be looking for?
 "Well," I just scratched my head.
 I'd only seen one kind before
 "Thought bras was bras," I said.

 She gives me a disgusted look,
 "Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
 "Come with me," I heard her say,
 And like a dog, I tagged along.

 She took me down this alley
 Where bras was on display.
 Well, I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
 When I seen that lingerie.

 They had all these different styles
 That I'd not seen before
 I thought that I'd go crazy
 'fore I left that women's store.

 They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
 And bras that cross your heart.
 There was bras that lift and separate,
 And that was just the start.

 They had bras that made you feel
 Like you weren't wearing one at all,
 And bras that you can train in
 When you start off when you're small.

 Well, I finally make my mind up -
 Picked a black and lacy one -
 I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
 And figured I was done

 But then she asked me for the size.
 I didn't hesitate.
 I knew them measurements by heart,
 "A six-and-seven-eighths."

 "Six and seven eighths, well sir,
 That really isn't right."
 "Oh, yes ma'am! Yeah, I'm positive,
 I just measured them last night."

 I thought that she'd go into shock,
 Musta took her by surprise
 When I told her that my wife's bust
 Was the same as my hat size.

 "That's what I used to measure with,
 I figured it was fair,
 But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
 This drew another stare.

 By now a crowd had gathered
 And they's all crackin' up
 When the lady asked to see my hat,
 To measure for the cup.

 When she finally had it figured,
 I gave the gal her pay.
 Then I turned to leave the store,
 Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

 My wife heard the whole story
 'fore I ever made it home.
 She'd talked to fifteen women
 Who'd called her on the phone.

 She was still a-laughing
 But by then I didn't care.
 Now she don't ask and I don't shop
 For no more women's underwear.

 Author Unknown

..Top
Subj:     Great TV Cowboys (S605b,d)
          From: darrellvip on 8/11/2008
..........Source: (Removed from greatdanepro.com)

 This wonderful, video reviews all the main cowboys who
 appeared on TV and in movies.  You can view it at the
 by clicking 'HERE'.

..Top
Subj:     Two Cowpokes And The Indian Head (S383b)
          From: mrx on 5/25/2004

 Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes,
 Jeff  and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong
 sasparilla in  the local saloon, when a man walked into the
 bar with an Indian's head under his arm.

 The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last
 week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted
 my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man
 brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand
 dollars."

 The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the
 bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around
 for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock
 which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off
 his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two
 nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out
 a knife to claim their trophy.

 Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave
 replied, "Not now, I'm busy."

 Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think
 you should look at this."

 Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a
 thousand dollars in my hand."

 But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."

 So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the
 ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his
 head and said, "Oh... my... God... we're going to be
 millionaires!"

..Top
Subj:     Mostly Rodeo Accidents (S590b, S793d)
          From: edapsmas on 5/5/2008
      and From: virv on 3/25/2012
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Kvu4ic-JaJQ

 You can view this short video of accidents with animals
 by clicking 'HERE'.

..Top
Subj:     Top 30 Things A Texan Will Never Say (S359b)
          From: ICohen on 12/17/2003

 30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

 28. Duct tape won't fix that.

 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

 26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

 25. You can't feed that to the dog.

 24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

 23. Wrestling is fake.

 22. We're vegetarians.

 21. Do you think my gut is too big?

 20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

 19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

 18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor

 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

 14. Trim the fat off that steak.

 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

 12. The tires on that truck are too big.

 11. I've got it all on the C: drive.

 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

  9. My fianc??, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

  8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

  7. Checkmate.

  6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

  5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

  4. I don't have a favorite college football team.

  3. You All.

  2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
 

 AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A TEXAN SAY:

  1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.

..Top
Subj:     Gunslinger Supreme (S600b,d)
          From:LABLaughsClean on 7/7/2008
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/-5MWjvK5N7w

 This gunslinger is using a post Civil War type single-action
 revolver... like John Wayne used in all those various Westerns.

 The hammer has to be cocked back BEFORE each shot!

 Cocked back manually!

 That's why he has the glove on the other hand,
 as he is "fanning the hammer"...

 I have seen "Cowboy Shooting" and "Fast Draw"
 (both certified shooting sports) experts before,
 but never, ever anything like this! He is not only
 FAST... but he is accurate.

 And since he obviously is strictly "point shooting"
 (i.e., not using sights), can you imagine the amount
 of practice that he had to have performed to
 attain this degree of "instinctive" shooting???

 Wow... I must have watched this ten times.

 You can see this short video by clicking 'HERE'.

..Top
Subj:     Three Men At The Urinals (S326b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 4/17/2003

 (Also see 'Pissing At Urnal' in Soldier2)

 In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a
 cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

 The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing
 and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his
 elbows.  He used 20 paper towels before he finished.  He
 turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated
 from the University of Michigan and they taught us to
 be clean."

 The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips
 of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented,
 "I graduated from the University of California and they
 taught us to be environmentally conscious."

 The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door
 said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they
 taught us not to piss on our hands.

..Top
Subj:     Old West Phrases (S486b)
          From: gattica30 on 5/9/2006

 Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound
 The Same After That Damned  Gay Cowboy Movie

  1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"

  2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"

  3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."

  4. "Howdy, pardner."

  5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind."

  6. Two words:  "Saddle Sore."

  7. "Hold it right there!  Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like"

  8. "Let's mount up!"

  9. "Nice spread ya got there!"

 10. "Ride'em cowboy!"

..Top
Subj:     Spur Maker Kevin Johnson (S879d)
          Made by Texas Country Reporter on 11/9/2013
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Jf4eMYv7j-g

 Meet Kevin Johnson, an artist who's known by police all over
 the state, but not for breaking the law, for his custom bits,
 spurs, badges, and metal engraving.  Click 'HERE' to see
 this happy metal engraver.

..Top
Subj:     Blonde Cowboy (S436b)
          From: Dickschu on 5/30/2005

 The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees
 a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his
 cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent
 exposure.

 As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you
 only wearing your gun, hat and boots?"

 The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the
 bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to
 go out to her motor home with her ... so I did. We go inside
 and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt..
 so I did.  Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull
 off my pants...so I did.  Then she pulls off her panties and
 asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.  "Then she gets on
 the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to
 town cowboy... "

..Top
Subj:     Cowboy And The Epileptic Bride (S188)

 The bronc rider carried his bride over the threshold into the
 honeymoon suite.  They had taken off all their clothes and
 jumped in bed, when suddenly the girl began to jerk and twitch.
 "What's the matter, baby?" the man asked.

 She was now shivering all over.  "I'm having an epileptic fit!"
 she finally managed to say.

 "Oh hell! I gotta do something about this?" the cowboy said,
 thinking quickly.  He picked up the hotel phone and called the
 bell captain for help.  Four bellhops soon came rushing into
 the room.  "Quick! Grab her arms and hold her down!" the cowboy
 shouted to two of them.  To the other two, he directed, "Grab
 her legs--hold her tight!" Hopping astraddle her, he shouted
 to the straining bellhops, "Okay, fellas, cut her loose!"

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Subj:     Song "But I Could Be Wrong" (S583c,d in Music-Supp)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008
Photo from YouTube
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-5d5IfdYK4

 A video about celebrities that we all can't stand, to the
 music of Tim Wilson and his song titled "But I Could Be
 Wrong."  You can see this funny video by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Texan And His Bride Get A Room (S188)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/08/2000

 A Texan and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room,
 telling him they just got married that morning.

 "Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the cowboy, he
 asks, "Would you like the bridal then?"

 "Naw, thanks," says the cowboy. "I reckon I'll just hold
 her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it.

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Subj:     Cowboy And Cowgirl On Their Honeymoon (S191)
          From: thebartend on 9/28/00

 One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married.
 After the wedding they left for their honeymoon.  While
 driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having
 sex.  The new bride asks with a sly grin, "What are they
 doing honey?" The husband answers, "They're roping!" She
 replies, "Oh, I see!" while trying to hide her knowing
 expression.

 After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses
 having sex.  Again the bride asks, "What are they doing
 honey?" The husband answers, "They're roping!" She replies,
 "Oh, I see!"

 Finally they arrive at their hotel.  The couple washed up
 and started to get ready for bed.  When they got in the
 bed, they started to explore each others body.  The bride
 discovers her husbands penis.

 "What is that?" she asks.

 "That's my rope," he answers.

 She slides her hands down further and gasps,

 "What are those?" she asks

 "They're my knots," he answers.

 Finally the couple begins to make love.  After several
 minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!

 Her husband asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting
 you?"

 "No," the bride replies, "undo those knots, I need more rope.

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Subj:     Rodeo Teeter-Totter (S560b, S783d)
          From: darrellvip on 10/11/2007
      and From: sam.hutkins on 1/4/2012
Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/EVaBJSC3EXw

 This video demonstrates how dumb young males can be.
 Click 'HERE' to view it.

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Subj:     Boy Sees His First Cowboy (S167)
          From: ipkis on 97-11-22

 A man and his son recently moved to Texas. One Saturday
 afternoon they decided to take a walk through the park.
 During the walk the boy sees 2 cowboys walk by.

 "Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!"

 The father is surprised by this and tells his son that that
 is not very nice language to use.

 A few minutes later, 2 more cowboys walk by and again the
 boy yells, "Dad, look at thoses bow legged bastards!"

 The father, quite upset now turns to his son and says, "I
 told you not to say that and I do not want to hear it
 again, or else."

 just a few minutes go by and another pair of cowboys
 walk by and once again the child yells, "Dad, look at those
 bow-legged bastards!"

 "Thats it!" the father yells, and takes the child home and
 locks him in his room with the complete works of  Shakespeare.

 Two weeks later, he lets his son out and notices that
 he has taken to speaking like Shakespeare wrote. This
 impressed the father so he decided to take his son out
 for another walk through the park.

 As they were walking a pair of cowboys walk past them.

 The boy turns to his father and says, "Father, what strange
 men are these, whose balls hang in parenthises?"

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Subj:     More Short Cowboy Jokes
 

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Subj:     Rare Pictures Of The Old Wild West - PPS (S799)
          From: tom on 5/6/2012
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Quotation from LegendsOf America.com
 There is no Sunday west of St. Louis - and no God west of Fort Smith.
   --  Old adage used to describe the Western frontier
 This PowerPoint Show is a nice set of photos of the famous
 and the infamous Deadwood and the Black Hills from the 1890s.
 Click 'HERE' to see these great photos.
 

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Subj:     A Cowboy's Headstone (S658 in Epitaphs)
          From: allenbergman
          on 8/19/2009
 Source: http://pecozbill.blogspot.com/2008/05
........./he-won-coolest-headstone-contest.html
 This is the headstone of Russell J. Larsen, a real cowboy.
 It is in The Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah.  I wonder
 if he died knowing he would win the 'Coolest Headstone'
 contest?  Click 'HERE' to view this headstone.
 

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Subj:     Bull Riding - Cartoon (S444 in Cowboy-pics)
          From: darrell94590 on 7/22/2005
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Subj:     Why Cowboys Live So Long (S427b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/6/2005
 A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he
 wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a
 pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

 The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of
 110. He left 4 children, 20 grand-children, 30
 great-grandchildren, 10  great-great-grand-children and a
 fifty-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
 

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Subj:     Davy Crockett At The Alamo (S551)
          From: ginafm on 8/7/2007
Photo from Mrs. McGowan's First Grade
 On March 6, 1836, that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up
 and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to
 the observation post on the west wall.  Col. William B.
 Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already.

 As the three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily
 towards them, Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his
 face and asked, "Jim . . .are we landscaping today?"
 

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Subj:     Brokeback Mountain2 (S482)
          From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2006
 Finally a gay cowboy movie to which I can relate.  You can
 view it's poster by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Second Texas Limo (S436b)
          From: darrell94590 on 6/1/2005
 To view this picture click 'HERE'.
 To view first Texas Limo click 'HERE'.
 

Top
From: virv on 1/23/2012 (S787)
 Source: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_wayne.html
 "Life's tough... It's even tougher if you're stupid."
    -- John Wayne
 

From: igiggle on 5/19/2004 (S381b)
 Q: Who wears a black mask and always smells great?
 A: The Cologne Ranger.

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............................Cowboy from Smiley_Central.
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