.
.
>>>
Subj:   Doctor3 and Viagra Jokes
             (Includes 73 jokes and articles, 24 1019,1,cf,vYT4,0)

        Click "Here" for Doctor-Supp


Doctor X-Ray
from
Animated Cliparts
Includes the following:  Shoe Comic Strip II (S775 in Supp)
.........................Man Given Six Months To Live (S764 in Supp)
.........................Doctor Asks About Intercourse (S755 in Supp)
.........................Sweet Tea (S708b in Supp)
.........................Prescription Pills - Video (S520 in Supp)
.........................Doctors' Opinions Of Universal Health Care (S615c in Supp)
.........................Assistant Handles The Clinic (S590c in Supp)
.........................Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal (S616b in Supp)
.........................Doctor Riddle (S562 in Supp)
.........................Having Green Spots On Your Thighs (S534b in Supp)
.........................Laughter Is The Best Medicine (S448b in Supp)
.........................Eye Exam (S448 in Supp)
.........................Medical Students Diagnose Syndromes (S448 in Supp)
.........................Having One Leg Shorter Than The Other (S440b in Supp)
.........................Surgeon Checks On Blonde After Operation (S420b in Supp)
.........................A Rushed Visit To The Gynecologist (S418 in Supp)
.........................Two Doctors Discuss Dyslexic Nurse (S403b in Supp)
.........................Three Ill Men See The Doctor (S402 in Supp)
.........................Little Bag Sees Doctor (S396b in Supp)
.........................Man Wants To Live Longer (S394 in Supp)
.........................Irish Woman Wants Viagra For Her Husband (S388b in Supp)
.........................UK Brain Surgeon Suspended (S386 in Supp)
.........................Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating (S376 in Supp)
.........................Asking The Doctor If You'll Live To 80 (S342b in Supp)
.........................Three Texas Surgeons Brag (S318 in Supp)
.........................Patient Comments During Colonoscopies(S315 in Supp)
.........................Rich Old Man Needs A New Heart (S312 in Supp)
.........................The Mechanic And The Doctor (S315b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Herman Cartoon (S1019)
.........................Dr Young vs Dr Geezer (S1019)
.........................Seeing A Doctor About Passing Money (S274)
.........................Dear Doctor... (S219)
.........................Wife Happy After Visiting Doctor (S198)
.........................Doctor Gives Sex Talk To Naive Groom (S196)
.........................New Doctor Takes Over For Old One (S194)
.........................Woman Given Testosterone (S185)
.........................Mixing Up Lab Results (S182, S395)
.........................Bubba Has Shingles (S166, S616b)
.........................Ed Zachary Disease (S148, S439)
.........................Country Doctor Delivers Baby w/Dad's Help (S131A, S457b)
.........................Lists of Doctor Columns from the Newspapers
.........................List of HMO Jokes Not in Doctor3
..............................>> Viagra Jokes start here ??
.........................List of Viagra Jokes Not in Doctor3

.........................Husband Not Hungary Because Of Viagra (S148, S508b)
.........................Man Takes Viagra And Waits For Wife (S295)
.........................Viagra In The Coffee (S212, S749)
.........................New Drugs For Men (S220)
.........................Short Doctor Jokes
..............................Distraught Patient Calls Doctor (S828 in Supp)
..............................Having Lettuce Sticking Out of Your Ass (S667b in Supp)
..............................Shoe Comic Strip (S708a in Supp)
..............................Giving A Four-Year-Old A Shot (S612c in Supp)
..............................Doctor Needs Work (S584b in Supp)
..............................Abnormal Symptoms (S544c in Supp)
..............................Ophthalmology Cartoons (S558b in Supp)
...................................Kissing An Optometrist (S708 in Supp)
...................................German Eye Glasses Ad - Video (S741 in Supp)
...................................Finger In The Eye - Video (S744 in Supp)
...................................Pickles Comic Strip (S917 in Supp)
..............................Jewish Man Has Son Do Operation (S397 in Supp)
..............................Elderly See Doctor - Cartoon (S514b in Supp)
..............................Lethal Injections (S395b in Supp)
..............................Doctoring A Doctor (S328b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Seeing The Doctor About Body Odor (S301b)
..............................Disrobing In Front Of The Doctor (S269)
..............................Heart Attacks (S268b, S641b)
..............................Delivering A Skeleton (S248)
..............................Viagra Spill Revives Lake Michigan (S285b)
..............................Newspaper Headline (S239)
..............................Doctor Sleeps With Patient (S238)
..............................Viagra Jokes (S67)
..............................Lady Consults Pharmacist About Viagra  (S164)
..............................Liquid Viagra (S239)
..............................Viagra And Breast Implants (S268c)
..............................Two Boys In Doctor's Office For Tests (S111)
..............................A Short History Of Medicine! (S100)
..............................Swallowed Contraceptive
..............................Tired Doctor (S229)
..............................Why Men Aren't Secretaries (S229)
..............................Doctor Question And Answers (S148)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Herman Cartoon (S1019 in Doctor-Supp)
..........By Jim Unger on 10/3/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2011/10/03
.
.................
.
........Click 'HERE' to see all 53 Ophthalmology cartoons.
.
.
Top
Subj:     Dr Young vs Dr Geezer (S1019)
          From bill7808

 An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long
 time, became very bored and decided to open a medical
 clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:Dr. Geezer's
 clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get
 back $1,000."

 Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer
 didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be
 a great opportunity to get $1,000.

 So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired.
 Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my
    mouth." can you please help me?
 Dr. Geezer:  ---  "Nurse, please bring medicine from
    box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
 Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
 Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back.
    That will be $500."
 Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of
    days figuring to recover his money.
 Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember
    anything."
 Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from
    box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
 Dr. Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that is Gasoline!"
 Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back.
    That will be $500."
 Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and
 comes back after several more days.
 Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can
 hardly see !!!!
 Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so
    --  "Here's your $1000 back."
 Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."
 Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back!
    That will be $500."
 Moral of story  --  Just because you're "Young" doesn't
    mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "!!!!

Top
Subj:     Seeing A Doctor About Passing Money (S274)
          From: dogbyte on 5/1/2002

 A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you
 have to help me.  Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES
 come out!"  The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest
 with her feet up and come back in a week.

 A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor,
 it's gotten worse!  Every time I go to the bathroom,
 QUARTERS come out!!  What's wrong with me?"  Again the
 doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up
 and come back in a week.

 Another week passes and the woman returns and yells,
 "Doctor, Doctor, I'm still not getting better!  Every time
 I go to the bathroom, HALF-DOLLARS come out!  WHAT THE
 HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"

 The doctor says, "Relax, Relax,... you're just going
 through your change!"

Top
Subj:     Dear Doctor... (S219)
          From: ICohen on 4/13/2001

 Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
 A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your
    ratio is one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio
    is two to one, etc.

 Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
    Is this true?
 A: How could that be true?  Your heart is only good for so
    many beats, and that's it.  Everything wears out even-
    tually, so how could speeding up your heart make you live
    longer?  That's like saying you can extend the life of
    your car by driving it more.  Want to live longer? Take
    a nap.

 Q: My wife says I should cut down on meat and eat more
    fruits and vegetables.
 A: Your wife just doesn't grasp logistical efficiencies the
    way you do.  Look, what does a cow eat?  Corn.  And what's
    corn?  A vegetable. So a steak is nothing more than an
    efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
    system.  Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
    source of field grass.  And a pork chop can give you 100%
    of your recommended daily allowance of slop -- that's
    leftover veggies, premixed.

 Q: Is beer bad for you?
 A: I normally don't like to answer questions which deal with
    my religious values, but I find this question so ridiculous
    I simply have to say something.  Look, it goes to the
    earlier point about vegetables.  As we all know, scientists
    divide everything in the world into three categories:
    animal, mineral, and vegetable.  We all know beer is not an
    animal, and it's not on the periodic table of elements, so
    that only leaves one thing, right?  My advice: Have a
    burger and a beer and tell everyone you're on a vegetarian
    diet.

 Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did
    the bench press.  What did he mean?
 A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he
    blows air up your shorts.  It's an accepted practice at
    health clubs, though if you find that it becomes the ONLY
    reason why you're going in, you probably ought to
    reevaluate your exercise program.

 Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
    regular exercise program?
 A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.

 Q: I'm getting a little soft around the middle.  Will sit-ups
    help this?
 A: Definitely NOT!  Look, when you exercise a muscle, it gets
    bigger, right?  You should only be doing sit-ups if you
    want a bigger stomach.

 Q: I thought it would be good for me to carry my clubs when
    I play golf, but last weekend some idiot almost ran over
    me with the golf cart!
 A: Sorry.  I was reaching into my cooler for a beer and
    didn't see you.

 Q: There's a lot of equipment available at the gym today,
    like the treadmill, the stair-stepper, etc.  Which one
    do you recommend?
 A: The strato-lounger.

Top
Subj:     Wife Happy After Visiting Doctor (S198)
          From: gheckman on 11/12/2000

 A forty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and
 squealing with delight.  Her husband watches her for a while
 and asks "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
 What's the matter with you?"

 The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says "I don't
 care.  I just came from the doctor and he says I have the
 breasts of an 18-year-old."

 The husband said, "What did he say about your 41-year-old ass?"

 "Your name never came up," she replied.

Top
Subj:     Doctor Gives Sex Talk To Naive Groom (S196)
          From: BartendJOTD on 11/02/2000

 A naive young fellow got engaged to a lovely girl, and when
 they went in for their blood tests it quickly became apparent
 to the doctor that the husband-to-be had no idea what sexual
 intercourse consisted of.

 Taking pity on the bride, Dr. Jones explained about the birds
 and the bees and the coconut trees, but the vague smile on
 the young man's face was unconvincing.  The doctor's second
 attempt to explain the ritual of the wedding night left the
 groom-to-be smiling and nodding, but clearly baffled. So the
 good doctor gave it one more try, to no avail.

 Thoroughly frustrated, the doctor instructed the young woman
 to undress and lie down upon the examination table.  She obeyed
 happily enough, and Dr. Jones, a humanitarian through and
 through, proceeded to demonstrate for the young man.  For forty
 minutes he demonstrated.

 Finally, sweaty and exhausted, he hauled himself up on his
 elbows, turned to the fianc?, and said, "Now do you understand
 what I've been trying to tell you?"  At last a glimmer of
 comprehension came into the young man's blue eyes. "I've got it
 now, Doc," he cried happily.

 "Good, good," said the doctor in relief, getting down from the
 table and pulling up his pants. "Do you have any further
 questions?"

 "Just one," admitted the young man. "Yes" asked the doctor
 testily. "All I need to know, Dr. Jones, is how often do I have
 to bring her in?

Top
Subj:     New Doctor Takes Over For Old One (S194)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 10/18/2000

 A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace
 a doctor who was retiring.  The older gent suggested the young
 one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become
 used to a new doctor.

 At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little
 sick to my stomach."  The older doctor said, "Well, you've
 probably been overdoing the fresh fruit.  Why not cut back
 on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the
 trick?"

 As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine
 that woman.  How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

 "I didn't have to.  You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on
 the floor in there?  When I bent over to pick it up, I
 noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash.  That was
 what was probably making her sick."

 "Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever.  I think
 I'll try that at the next house."

 Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes
 talking with an elderly woman.  She complained that she
 just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling
 terribly run down lately."

 "You've probably been doing too much work for the church,"
 the younger doctor told her.  "Perhaps you should cut back
 a bit and see if that helps."

 As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost
 certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

 "Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my
 stethoscope.  When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed
 the preacher under the bed."

Top
Subj:     Woman Given Testosterone (S185)
          From: ICohen on 08/15/2000

 A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the
 doctor had given her a prescription for the male hormone
 testosterone.

 The woman was a little worried about some of the side effects
 she was experiencing. "Doctor, the hormones you've been
 giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid you're giving me
 too much. I've started growing hair in places where I've
 never grown hair before."

 The doctor reassured her, "A little hair growth is a perfectly
 normal side effect of testosterone.  Just where has this hair
 appeared?"

 The woman replied, "On my balls."

Top
Subj:     Mixing Up Lab Results (S182, S395)
          From: thebartend on 7/27/00
      and From: jbcary1 on 8/22/2004

 Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's
 test results.

 Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of
 a mix-up and we have a problem.  When we sent the samples
 from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs.
 Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one
 is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

 Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"

 Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive
 for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS.  We can't
 tell which is your wife."

 Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"

 Receptionist: "Normally, yes.  But you have an HMO, and
 they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

 Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

 Receptionist: "The HMO recommends that you drop your wife
 off in the middle of town.  If she finds her way home,
 don't sleep with her."

Top
Subj:     Bubba Had Shingles (S166, S616b)
          From: RFSlick on 2/17/00
      and From: tom on 10/27/2008

 Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office
 should appreciate this!  Doesn't it seem more and more
 that physicians are running the ir practices like an
 assembly line?  Here's what happened to Bubba:

 Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist
 asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.'  So she
 wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number
 and told him to have a seat.

 Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked
 Bubba what he had.Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  So she wrote
 down his height, weight, a complete medical history and
 told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

 A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he
 had.Bubba said, 'Shingles.'  So the nurse gave Bubba a
 blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram,
 and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for
 the doctor.

 An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting
 patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.  Bubba
 said, 'Shingles.'

 The doctor asked, 'Where?'  Bubba said, 'Outside on the
 truck.  Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

Top
Subj:     Ed Zachary Disease (S148, S439)
          From: thebartend on 12/02/1999
      and From: CKButch4Femme on 6/23/2005

 A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not
 had a date, nor any sex in quite some time. She was afraid
 she might have something wrong with her so she decided to
 employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.

 Her GP recommended that she go see Dr.Chang, the well-known
 Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him.

 Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "Ok,
 take off all your crose." So she did.

 "Now get down and crawl reery fass to the other side of room."
 So she did. "Ok, now crawl reery fass back to me." So she did.

 Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your problem vewy
 bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease.  Worse case I ever see, that
 why you not haf sex or dates."

 Confused the woman asked, "What is Ed Zachary Disease?"

 Dr. Chang replied, "It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike
 your ass."

Top
Subj:     Country Doctor Delivers Baby With Dad's Help (S131A, S457b)
          From: KMacinty on 8/3/99
      and From: rfslick@ on 10/24/2005

 (Also see 'Country Doctor Delivers Baby w/Kid's Help' in PUSSY)

 In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into
 labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called
 out to assist in the delivery.

 Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-
 to be a lantern  and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can
 see what I'm doing."  Soon, a baby boy was brought into the
 world.  "Whoa there," said the doctor.

 "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's
 yet another one to come."

 Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
 "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that
 lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried
 the doctor.

 The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the
 doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

Top
Subj:     Lists of Doctor Columns from the Newspapers

..........Hemorrhoid Remedy in BODY PARTS

..........'Vitamine B6 And Frequent Urination' in BODY PARTS

..........'Men Regrowing Hair' in BODY PARTS

Top
Subj:     List of HMO Jokes

..........'Two Men Have Vasectomies' in BALLS

..........'Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care' in DOCTOR2

..........Mixing Up Lab Results in DOCTOR3

..........Medical Diagnoses in DOCTOR3

..........'Three Nurses Go To Heaven, One is A HMO' in HEAVEN1

..........'Hillary Visits A Hospital' in HOSPITAL1

Top
Subj:     List of Viagra Jokes Not in Doctor3

..........'Quotation From Shuttle Dave' in CARS3

..........'Irish Woman Wants Viagra For Her Husband' in DOCTOR-SUPP

..........'Grandpa Likes Hospital' in ELDERLY2

..........'Old Man Wants Viagra' in ELDERLY4

..........'Viagra Soft Drink' in FOOD_ETC2

..........'Son Asks About Viagra' in KIDS5

..........'FDA Viagra Study' in LAWYER2

..........'Old Man Wants Viagra II' in ELDERLY4

..........'Viagra Advertising Slogans' in Headlines and Ads
..........'Prize Winning Ad' in Headlines and Ads

..........'The Sunburn' in HOSPITAL2

Top
Subj:     Husband Not Hungary Because Of Viagra (S148, S508b)
          From: collins2 on 12/02/1999
      and From: darrell94590 on 10/16/2006

 A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast; bacon,
 eggs, perhaps a slice of toast?  Grapefruit with coffee to
 follow?

 He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken
 the edge off my appetite."

 At lunch time, she asks if he would like something.  A bowl
 of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich?  Perhaps a
 plate of snacks and a glass of milk?

 He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken
 the edge off my appetite."

 Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would
 you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie?
 Or maybe a rotisserie chicken?

 He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry."

 "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up?  I'm starving."

Top
Subj:     Man Takes Viagra And Waits For Wife (S295)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #290 on 99-03-09
      and From: thebartend on 9/23/2002

 This man gets his prescription for Viagra, and goes home
 to get ready for when his wife will arrive.  He calls her
 on the phone, and she says, "I'll be home in an hour and
 looking forward to our evening."

 The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told
 him to take his Viagra an hour before.  He takes the Viagra
 and waits.  An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no
 wife?

 His wife calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is
 terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."

 The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "I've
 got a hard-on a cat couldn't scratch off and my wife
 won't be home for another hour!  What should I do?" he asks.

 The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it.  Do
 you have a housekeeper around?"

 "Yes" the man replied.

 "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?"
 said the Doctor.

 The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need
 Viagra with the housekeeper..."

Top
Subj:     Viagra In The Coffee (S212, S749)
          From: KMACINTY on 2/23/2001
      and From: allenbergman on 5/22/2011

 Moved to "Irish Woman Wants Viagra For Her Husband" in Doctor-Supp

Top
Subj:     New Drugs For Men (S220)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 3/20/2001

 With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing
 men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line
 of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in
 today's society.

 Here are a few of the new ones:

 DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving
 on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask
 directions when they got lost, compared to a control group
 of 0.2 percent.

 PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far
 more likely to actually finish a household repair project
 before starting a new one.

 COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged
 men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a
 new hairstyle.  Currently being tested to see if its effects
 extend to noticing new clothing.

 BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a
 sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewellery and
 gifts after taking this drug for only two days.  Still to be
 seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer
 than your favorite store's return limit.

 NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.
 Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S.
 presidents.

 NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making
 men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse
 with other family members.

 FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious
 intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus:
 Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

 FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in
 treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially
 useful for men on Viagra.

 PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave
 men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the
 personal affairs of other people.  Note: Apparent overdose
 turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

 LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when
 being asked about their sexual affairs.  Will be available
 in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.


Subj:     Short Doctor Jokes

Top
Subj:     Seeing The Doctor About Body Odor (S301b)
          From: dogbyte on 11/3/2002
 Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.

 "Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl.

 "Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my
 head and wash down as far as possible.  Then I start at
 my feet and I wash up as far as possible."

 "Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash 'possible'!!!"
 

Top
Subj:     Disrobing In front Of The Doctor (S269)
          From: dogbyte on 3/28/2002
 During her annual checkup, a well-built lady was asked
 to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

 "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress
 in front of you."

 "That's all right," said the physician, "I'll flick
 off the lights. You get undressed and tell me when
 you're through."

 In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness,
 "Doctor, I've undressed.  What should I do with my
 clothes?"

 "Your clothes?" answered the doctor,  "Put them over
 here, on top of mine!"
 

Top
Subj:     Heart Attacks (S268b, S641b)
          From: FrankRoesch on 3/22/2002
      and From: allenbergman on 4/19/2009
 The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
 attacks than the British or Americans.  On the other
 hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer
 heart attacks than the British or Americans.

 The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
 heart attacks than the British or Americans.  The Italians
 drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
 heart attacks than the British or Americans.

 The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages
 and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than British
 or Americans.

 Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like.  It's speaking
 English that kills you.
 

Top
Subj:     Delivering A Skeleton (S248)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/29/2001
 The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a
 new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the
 items.

 I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony
 arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the
 drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the
 people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked
 across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's
 office."

 The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell
 you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

Top
Subj:     Viagra Spill Revives Lake Michigan (S285b)
          From: bselwa on 7/15/2002
 This is safe to view and it's cute.  Cut, paste and go to
 the following web site.

 http://www.satirewire.com/news/july02/viagra.shtml
 

Top
Subj:     Newspaper Headline (S239)
          From: bonehead on 8/28/2001
 Headline, as it appeared in a recent Kansas Alumni magazine,
 above a story about the Pfizer company giving $100,000 to
 Kansas University:

 ''Viagra To Aid Building's Erection"

 From the Bill Flick column in the Daily Pantagraph
 (Bloomington-Normal, Illinois)
 

Top
Subj:     Doctor Sleeps With Patient (S238)
          From: dogbyte on 8/22/2001
 As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my
 head kept saying, "Relax...; you are NOT the first
 doctor to sleep with one of his patients.  But, another
 voice kept reminding me, "Yeh, but you are a veterinarian!"
 

Top
Subj:     Viagra Jokes (S67)
          From: ossama on 98-05-12
 (Also see 'Grandpa Likes Hospital' in ELDERLY2
       and 'Old Man Wants Viagra' in ELDERLY4)
 Doctors aren't touting one major side effect of the impotency
 drug, Viagra.  Men will be forced to make conversation for
 an hour before the pill kicks in...

 Some people taking Viagra are complaining they see every-
 thing with a blueish tint.  So, Viagra makes you function
 again, but you think you're having sex with a Smurf. (O'Brien)

 Viagra cures impotence but may cause baldness. Propecia
 cures baldness but may cuase impotence.  Unfortunately, if
 you take both, all you get is straight hair.

 Starbucks has a new - Viagra Latte. Guaranteed to keep you
 up all night. (Leno)

From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/29/2004 (S411b)
 Q: What is the difference between Niagra and Viagra?
 A: Niagra Falls.
 

From: igiggle on 5/3/2003 (S327b)
 Patient:  Doctor, you've got to help me.  Some mornings
           I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, other
           mornings I think I'm Mickey Mouse.
 Doctor:  Hmmm, and how long have you been having these
          Disney spells?

 From: Bawdy.Net Collage #258 on 98-07-02 (S325)
 and From: LABLaughs.com on 4/26/2003
 Q: What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
 A: They both cause you to stand around for an hour
    waiting for a two minute ride!!]

 From: humorlist-digest V3 #8 on 99-01-10 (S102)
  In today's headlines, the FDA administered a study where
  weekly doses of Viagra were given to an equal number of
  professional men, in this case, doctors and lawyers.
  While most of the doctors achieved enhanced sexual
  ability, the lawyers simply grew taller.

From: chrish on 9/6/99 (S136, S384)
And From: woneye on 6/3/2004
 In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name, Tylenol is
 Acetaminophen, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on.  The FDA has
 been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced
 today that they have settled on Mycoxafailin.  Also
 considered were mycoxafailin,mydixadrupin, mydixarizin,
 mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.
 

From: RFSlick on 1/26/2002 (S274c)
 There will be a new soft drink on the market soon that will
 contain Viagra.  They're gonna call it... "Mount `N Do."
 

Top
Subj:     Lady Consults Pharmacist About Viagra  (S164)
          From: collins2 on 3/22/00
 A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.
 She asked: "Do you have Viagra?"
 "Yes," he answered.
 She asked, "Does it work?"
 "Yes," he answered.
 "Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.
 "I can if I take two," he answered.

Top
Subj:     Liquid Viagra (S239)
          From: ICohen on 8/29/2001
 Pfizer recently announced that Viagra would be available
 in liquid form.  It'll be sold under the name Mydixadud.
 It will now be possible for a man to literally pour
 himself a stiff one.

Top
Subj:     Viagra And Breast Implants (S268c)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/20/2002
 Over the past few years, more money has been spent on
 researching breast implants and Viagra than has been
 spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.

 It is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a
 large number of people wandering around with huge breasts
 and erections who can't remember what to do with them.

Top
Subj:     Two Boys In Doctor's Office For Tests (S111)
          From: smiles on 3/16/99
 Two little boys are sitting in front of the Doctors office.
    One of them is crying very hard.  The other boy asks
    the one crying, "What's the matter?"
 The crying boy replies,"I came here for a blood test".
 The second boy answers,"That's no reason to cry".
 The first boy says, "No, I mean,I came here for a blood
    test and they cut my finger".
 Hearing this the second boy starts crying. The first boy
   says to the second,"Why are you crying"?
 Through his tears, the second boy replies," Well, I came
    here for a urine test"

Top
Subj:     A Short History Of Medicine! (S100)
          From: grs on 97-12-04
 "I have an ear ache."
 2000 BC  "Here, eat this root."
 1000 BC  "That root is poison.  Here, say this prayer."
 1850 AD  "That prayer is superstition.  Here, drink this potion."
 1940 AD  "That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill."
 1985 AD  "That pill is ineffective.  Here, take this antibiotic."
 2000 AD  "That antibiotic is artificial.  Here, eat this root."

Top
Subj:     Swallowed contraceptive
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #219 on 97-12-30
 The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle
 of the night.

 "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught
 young mother.  "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."

 The physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out
 the door, the phone rang again.

 "You don't have to come over after all,"  the woman said
 with a sigh of relief.  "My husband just found another one."

Top
Subj:     Tired Doctor (S229)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #224 on 97-10-16
      and From: JBCARY1 on 6/8/2001
 A doctor had come out of an examination room and begun to
 write a prescription.  A nurse walked by and said, "Excuse me,
 Doctor, but you are trying to write with your thermometer."
 The doctor looked at the thermometer and said, "Dammit! Some
 asshole has my pen."

Top
Subj:     Why Men Aren't Secretaries (S229)
          From: gheckman on 2/21/2001
  Husband's note to his wife:
  "Doctor's office called: Said Pabst Beer is normal."
 

 In 1900 ninety percent of all US physicians had no college
 education.  Instead, they attended medical schools, many
 of which were condemned in the press and by the government
 as "substandard."

 In 1900 marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available
 over the counter at corner drugstores.  According to one
 pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy
 to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is,
 in fact, a perfect guardian of health."  Coca-Cola contained
 cocaine instead of caffeine.
 

 Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of
 Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth... and whose shame
 created the expression for ignominy, "His name is Mudd."

 A man goes to his doctor to find out whats wrong with him.
 "Your problem is your fat" says the doctor.  "I'd like a
 second opion" responds the man.  "OK, your ugly too"
 replies the doctor.

 (Also see 'Old Man Has Physical With Wife' in ELDERLY4)
 My boyfriend said that for his physical, the doctor needed
    a urine specimen, a stool sample, and a semen specimen.
 I told him, "Just give them your underwear."
 

 Patient: Will I be able to read when I get my glasses?
 Doctor: You certainly will, my boy.
 Patient: Well, that's fine. I never knew how before!
 

From LAWS file.
 In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath
 unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so....
 

From: humorlist-digest V2 #1 on 98-01-01
 Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
 they do practice?
 

From: RFSlick on 98-04-10 (S63)
 This kid with a carrot in one ear, a peanut in the other,
 and peas up his nose went to the doctor.  The kid said,
 "Doc, I'm not feelig well."  The doctor said, "Of course
 not, my boy, you're not eating right."
 

From: RFSlick on 98-05-27 (S258)
and From: dogbyte on 1/6/2002
 A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
 to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
 

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #178 (S104)
 I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in
 my eyes, and difficulty breathing after sex.  He told me it
 was just the Mace.
 

From: auntieg on 98-02-12
 A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for
 a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of
 his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely
 5:03 p.m.  One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached,
 the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut
 extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made
 with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in
 at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, and exclaimed,
 "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry", replied the
 bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/26/2001 (S243)
 Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
   -- Erma Bombeck
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/6/2002 (S258)
 "Never accept a drink from a urologist."
    -- Erma Bombeck
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/3/2002 (S258)
 Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills,
         and kills you with his bills.

From: dogbyte on 3/28/2002 (S269c)
 The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino
 and asked to have her husband paged. "Sorry, Madam," came
 the reply, "The house does not make doctor calls!"

From: LABLaughs.com on 9/3/2002 (S292b)
 A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only
 advise his clients to plant vines.
   -- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
 

Top
Subj:     Doctor Question And Answers (S148)

 Q: Why did the doctor bring his eyechart into the classroom?
 A: Because he wanted to test the pupils!

 Q: What do doctors keep a bowl of boiling water handy
    during child birth?
 A: Because if its still-born they can make some soup.

 Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a
    gynecologist?
 A: The genealogist looks up the family tree...
    And the gynecologist looks up the family bush.

 Q: What does a OBGYN and the pizza guy have in common?
 A: They can both smell it, but they can't eat it!

 Q: How can you tell a head nurse?
 A: She's the one with the dirty knees!

From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
 Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have
    in common?
 A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.

From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 12/02/1999
 Q: How can you tell if you have a cheap doctor?
 A: He takes Friday off to play miniature golf.

 Q: How can you tell when a surgeon is not thinking about
    the operation?
 A: Before he makes an incision, he yells "Fore!"

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..........................,From Smiliemania.da
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