.
 
Subj:     Engineer1 Jokes
                 (Includes 21 jokes and articles, 17975,16,cf,wXT2,11)

Gears from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  The Far Side Cartoons (S975)
.........................Dilbert "The Knack" Cartoon Video (S908)
.........................When An Engineer Owns A Dog II - Video (S905)
.........................3D Printer - Video  (S755)
.........................Mind Over Mechanics - Video (S875)
.........................Why Engineers Shouldn't Babysit... - Video (S741)
.........................Guinness Book of Records - PPS (S589)
.........................Architect, Artist, And Engineer Discuss Women (S425b, S603b)
.........................The Water Wheel - PPS (S584)
.........................Engineers On A Train (S118, S618b)
.........................Their Levees Vs Our Levees (S467)
.........................God Is An Engineer?
.........................Sinusoidal Vs Harmonic Motion (S611b)
.........................Doctor, Chemist, And Engineer To Die (S152)
.........................When An Engineer Owns A Dog - Video (S634c)
.........................Engineering, Physics And Math Students In A Contest
.........................Bridge-Tunnel Picture (S429b)
.........................Electronic Engineer's Girlfriend (S22)
.........................50 Strange Buildings Of The World (S616)
.........................Marry Not An Engineer
.........................Skiing In United Arab Emirates (S474c)
.........................Starting Engineer's Salary
.........................Dubai Skyscraper World's Tallest Building (S553b)
.........................Engineering Student Gets A New Bike (S273e)
.........................Frank and Ernest On Engineering Degrees (S581b)

Also see BANKING SUPP - '3M - Security Glass'
         BAR-SUPP     - 'Drinks After Mining Accident'
         BIRDS_CHICKEN- 'FAA Test'
         BREASTS file - 'Hardening Of The Nipples'
         CARS2 file   - 'Car Won't Start After Buying Vanilla Ice Cream'
         CARS-SUPP2   - 'Cars of The Future In 1948' - Video
         CARSMURPHY   - 'Murphy's Laws Applied To Cars'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'The College Graduate'
         COMPUTERS3   - 'Man In Hot Air Balloon Is Lost'
......................- 'Three Computer People Have A Car Proble'
         DOG1 file    - 'Who's Dog Is Better'
         DOG-SUPP file- 'When An Engineer Owns A Dog' - Video
         ENGLISH-SUPP - 'TED - Building The Seed Cathedral' - Video
         FACTS2 file  - 'Lighting Charcoal'
         GOLF2 file   - 'The Blind Play Golf'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Pumpkin Pie'
         HEAD-ADS_SUPP- 'Remote-Controlled Flying Shark And Clown Fish' - Video
         HELL file    - 'Engineer Goes To Hell'
         HOWTO file   - 'How To Build Fun Stairs'
         HOWTO-SUPP   - 'TED - Massimo Banzi Explains Arduino' - Video
         HUNTING-CMPNG- 'Three Hunters Caught In A Snowstorm'
         JOBS2 file   - 'Three Men Apply For CEO Job'
         KIDS5 file   - 'Murphy's Laws for Parents'
         LAWS file    - 'Murphy's Law of Technology ? The Internet'
......................- 'Variations On Murphy's Law' in NonJokes
         LAWYER1 file - 'Lawyer Astronaut'
         MATH1 file   - 'The Mathematician, The Engineer, And The Hooker'
         MATH2 file   - 'The Flagpole'
......................- 'Mathematician, Engineer, And Physicist At A Fire'
         MATH3 file   - 'Formulas For Work, Knowledge And Money'
.........NEW YOEK-SUPP- 'Rain Room at MoMA New York' - Video
         OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'Theo Jansen's Strandbeests' - Video
         OTHER-PEOPLE - 'The Writer - An Automaton' - Video
         OTHER SPORTS - 'Remote Controlled Bowling Ball'
         PATENT file  - 'Modern Furniture' - Video
         PROGRAMMER   - 'Programmer And Engineer Bet On Plane'
......................- 'Soft And Hard Engineers And Manager's Car Stops'
         PSYCHOLOGY   - 'Three Take Personality Test'
         REDNECK3 file- 'Redneck Engineering Exam'
         SCIENCE1 file- 'Laws In Science, Engineering, And Life'
         SEX SUPP file- 'Sex Flow Chart'
         STAR TREK ETC- 'NASA Interviews Mars Astronauts'
         STATISTICIAN - 'An Engineer, A Physicist and A Statistician Answer'
         STRANDED     - 'Stranded On Island With A Beautiful Woman'
         WORD JOKES1  - 'Indian Gets Degree In Electrical Engineering'

ENGINEER1 contains jokes
ENGINEER2 and 3 contains oddities and short jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     The Far Side Cartoons (S975)
          Created by Gary Larson
 Source: http://www.jrcharney.com/gallery/missile.jpg
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Top
Subj:     Dilbert "The Knack" Cartoon (S908d)
          Posted by DIEHARDave
..........At: http://www.youtube.com/embed/g8vHhgh6oM0

 'The Knack' clip is from Dilbert Cartoon S01E09.  In it
 Dilbert is diagnosed with 'The Knack' at a young age and
 is destined to become an engineer! The Doctor said 'The
 Knack. It's a rare condition characterized by an extreme
 intuition about all things mechanical and electrical and
 utter social ineptitude.'  Click 'HERE' to see this short,
 cute, video clip.

Top
Subj:     When An Engineer Owns A Dog II (S905d)
          From: Robin Simmons on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ko4gHX3_BZY
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=722254071165074

 This is what happens when an engineer owns a dog.  This dog
 doesn't need an electric motor.  The machine is powered by
 the dog.  Click 'HERE' to watch this dog entertain himself
 for hours.

Top
Subj:     3D Printer  (S755d)
          From: Wimp.com on 7/6/2011
..........At: http://www.wimp.com/functionaltools/

 3D printing is a form of additive manufacturing technology
 where a three dimensional object is created by laying down
 successive layers of material.  Click 'HERE' to watch the
 printer create a functional wrench at the Z Corporation.

Top
Subj:     Mind Over Mechanics (S875d)
          From: kgilmour2000 on 10/7/2013
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/6LWz4qa2XQA

 In a jaw-dropping feat of engineering, electronics turn a
 person's thoughts into commands for a robot.  Using a brain-
 computer interface technology pioneered by University of
 Minnesota biomedical engineering professor Bin He, several
 young people have learned to use their thoughts to steer a
 flying robot around a gym, making it turn, rise, dip, and
 even sail through a ring.  Click 'HERE' for my copy, to
 watch a mind control a flying robot.

Top
Subj:     Why Engineers Shouldn't Babysit... (S741d)
          From: ft.apache on 3/27/2011 (in Dentist)
..........At: http://www.youtube.com/embed/BPhRiaNW4UQ

 My son wanted to pull out his tooth his way with a rocket.
 Click 'HERE' to see this silly, home-made video.
 

Top
Subj:     Guinness Book of Records - PPS (S589)
          From: darrellvip on 5/1/2008

 If you would like to see the world's records for the biggest
 and the tallest, this PowerPoint Show is wonderful.  Click
 'HERE' to view it on my site.

Top
Subj:     Architect, Artist, And Engineer Discuss Women
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/6/2002 (S425b, S603b)

 (Also see 'Relative Merits Of Wife Or Mistress' in  MATH1)

 The architect, the artist and the engineer were discussing
 whether it was better to spend time with the wife or the
 mistress.

 The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building
 a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

 The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
 of the passion and mystery he found there.

 The engineer said, "I like both"

 "Both?"

 Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
 will both assume you are spending time with the other
 woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Top
Subj:     The Water Wheel - PPS (S584)
          From: ginafm on 3/29/2008
 This connection between two canals in Scotland is an engineering
 marvel.  You can see this PowerPoint Show by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Engineers On A Train (S118, S618b)
          From: JOELFALLON on 5/5/99
      and From: tom on 11/11/2008

 (See 'The Bushes And Clintons Ride A Train'
  and 'Hiding In The Train Bathroom' in TRAIN)

 An EE/ME engineering convention was being held.  On the
 train to the convention, there were a bunch of electrical
 engineering students and a bunch of mechanical engineering
 students.  Each of the mechanical majors had his or her
 train ticket.  The group of electrical engineers had only
 ONE ticket for all of them.  The ME's started laughing and
 snickering.

 One of the EE's yelled "Here comes the conductor!!" and
 then all of the EE's went into the bathroom.  The ME's
 were baffled (as usual).  The conductor came aboard and
 said "Tickets please!" and got tickets from all the ME's.
 He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and
 said "Ticket please..." and the EE's stuck the ticket under
 the door.  The conductor took it and then the electrical
 engineers came out of the bathroom a few minutes later.
 The ME's felt really stupid (rightfully so).

 On the way back from the convention, the group of ME's
 bought only one ticket for the whole bunch.  They started
 snickering at the EE's, for the whole group had no tickets
 amongst them.

 The EE lookout called "Conductor coming!".  All the EE's
 went to one bathroom.  All the ME's went to another bath-
 room.  Before the conductor came on board, one of the EE's
 left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said
 "Ticket please!"

Top
Subj:     Their Levees Vs Our Levees (S467)
          From: darrell94590 on 12/29/2005
 To compare the levees of Britain, Holland, Italy, and the USA
 click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     God Is An Engineer?

 Three men sitting at a bar had decided that god must have
 been an engineer.  The first said he must have been a
 mechanical engineer.  Look at man's joints, the structure,
 how the body moves.  This only could be done by a mechanical
 engineer.

 The 2nd said god must have really been an electrical engineer.
 Look at the nervous system - it is the most amazing electric
 system that could only have been developed by an electrical
 engineer.

 The 3rd said that god must have been a civil engineer.  The
 other two looked at him wondering why he would say something
 so silly.  Yeah, said the 3rd, only a civil engineer would
 build a waste-disposal pipe so close to a recreational facility.

Top
Subj:     Sinusoidal Vs Harmonic Motion (S611b)
          From: tom on 9/24/2008 (in Physics3)

 Can you explain the difference between sinusoidal and
 harmonic Motion?  To see this visual expanation, click
 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Doctor, Chemist, And Engineer To Die (S152)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 12/29/1999

 Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist,
 and an engineer.  For some reason all three offended the king
 and were sentenced to die on the same day.

 The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up
 to the guillotine.  As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine,
 the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"
 "Head up," said the doctor.
 "Blindfold or no blindfold?"
 "No blindfold."
 So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing!  Down came
 the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck.
 Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the
 first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was
 set free.

 Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.  "Head up or
 head down?" said the executioner.
 "Head up," said the chemist.
 "Blindfold or no blindfold?"
 "No blindfold."
 So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing!  Down came
 the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck.  Well,
 the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first
 time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

 Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.  "Head up or
 head down?" asked the executioner.
 "Head up."
 "Blindfold or no blindfold?"
 "No blindfold."
 So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the
 rope, the engineer yelled out, "WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

Top
Subj:     When An Engineer Owns A Dog (S634c,d)
          From: rfslick on 3/2/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/SY9bq0ELOzc

 This video is very cute.  Only an engineer could have
 dreamed up this device and then created it.  Click
 'HERE' to view it.

Top
Subj:     Engineering, Physics And Math Students In A Contest

 An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics
 student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use
 that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel
 was.

 All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.  The
 Physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a
 number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends.
 He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof,
 and he then figured out the height from the time it took for
 the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted
 with the sidewalk.

 The Math student waited until the sun was going down, then
 she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and
 scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the
 angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used
 trignometry to figure out the height of the building.

 These two students bumped into the Engineering student the
 next day, who was nursing a really bad hangover.  When
 asked what he did to find the height of the building he
 replied: "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10
 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and hit the bar
 inside for happy hour!"

Top
Subj:     Bridge-Tunnel Picture (S429b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/20/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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 The  bridge (or should it be called tunnel) goes under water
 to allow movement of  ships.  In order  for ships to pass,
 this bridge is half under the water. You drive down in the
 water and then come out on the other side. Truly a marvelous
 piece of  engineering!  This bridge is the Monitor-Merrimac
 Memorial Bridge-Tunnel in Virginia, at the James River.
 I want to thank MikeChristo@BellSouth.net for correcting
 the location of this bridge.

Top
Subj:     Electronic Engineer's Girlfriend (S22)
          From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/27/97

 Yesterday afternoon my girlfriend and I had lunch together.
 Afterward, she accompanied me back to work. I thought this
 slightly unusual, since she had never before expressed in
 interest in my work (electronic engineering), but it didn't
 occur to me that she had something planned.

 We arrived at my workbench, where I currently trying to
 figure why the board on which I am working is not performing
 the way it is designed. "Is this where you work?" she asked.

 "At the moment," I replied.

 I reached over to turn on the scope, thereby completely
 failing to notice the huge black studded collar she had
 produced from her purse.  Before I could blink (it's amazing
 the speed at which she can do this), she had locked the
 collar snugly around my neck, and locked the end of the
 6 foot jack chain to the center of the bench (where there
 just happened to be a mounting hole).  I turned to her in
 utter disbelief, mouth agape.

 "I'll be back for you at five," she said.

 "HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO!??!?!", I yelled in a
 hushed voice.  "How am I going to explain this!?!?!"

 "You'll think of something", she said, "you always do".

 "But suppose I have to go to the bathroom", I countered.

 "Don't give me that", she hissed, "I've seen you go a
 whole day without visiting the bathroom"

 "But....," I tried to say.

 "SHHH!  The subject is closed. I'll be back at five.  Bye"

 She turned around and left, against my hushed protests. I
 sat in panic and tried to think out my situation.  I tried
 to think of who might visit.

 Most of my co-workers were friends who knew that my girl-
 friend and I were a bit odd, so this shouldn't surprise
 them.  But I had *no* idea what I was going to do if one
 of my bosses came in.  I checked my watch to see how long
 I would have to endure this ignominy. 13:30  (I'm a
 military time weenie).

 "Three and a half hours," I thought.  I heaved a heavy
 sigh, and got to work, such as I could.  As it happened,
 three of my co-workers visited for what-not.  All of them
 immediately noticed the collar (it would be hard not to)
 and asked if it was my girlfriend's idea.  I said yes.

 They asked what I would do if my supervisor saw it.  I
 told them I hadn't the faintest idea.

 One of the aforementioned colleagues took the bench next
 to me, and after a few remarks (and a question as to
 where he could get such a collar), settled down to work
 in silence.

 After some time, I checked my watch. 16:40. "Gee, I just
 might make it through this after all," I thought.  I was
 even beginning to get a handle on the problem with the
 board on which I was working.  Murphy must have been
 standing right behind me, reading my thoughts, for not
 two minutes later one of my bosses entered the room.  And
 not just any boss.  Noooooooo.  This was Mr. Narrowminded
 himself.  This was the guy who took Lifespring *and* became
 a born-again fundamentalist.  How he came to have the power
 of hire-and-fire over us is one of the Great Mysteries of
 The Universe. We avoided this guy at all costs.

 His eyes fell upon me immediately.  A few picoseconds later,
 he saw the collar around my neck in all it's splendor. "My
 life is over," I thought.

 I still hadn't thought of a plausible explanation for this.
 Mr Solderbrain (the name we called him behind his back; a
 corruption of his real name) started to walk slowly and
 deliberately over to me, his eyes fixed on the collar.
 Fifteen agonizing seconds later, he was standing next to me.
 I thought the guy sitting next to me was going to have
 seizures stifling all his giggles. I continued to work,
 acting as though there were nothing the least bit unusual
 about my predicament.

 Finally, he spoke.

 "What. the. HELL! is. THAT!?!?!" he said.

 I don't know how I thought of what I said.  In fact, I'm
 pretty sure I didn't know what I was going to say until
 I was saying it.  I'm even more amazed that Solderbrain
 actually bought it and didn't fire me on the spot.

 I turned to face him calmly, with total nonchalance,
 exuding complete confidence in what I was about to say,
 even though I didn't know what it was yet.  I didn't
 even miss a beat.

 "Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work.

 The guy next to me fell off his chair and nearly died
 laughing.

Top
Subj:     50 Strange Buildings Of The World (S616)
          From: darrellvip
..........on 10/28/2008 (in Construction)
 Source: http://villageofjoy.com/50-strange-buildings-of-the-world/
 The architecture on these 50 buildings is amazing, bizarre,
 and impressive.  You can view these unique buildings by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Marry Not An Engineer
          From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97
================================================
 (Purchased on a scroll during the 1970's. According to the
 scroll, this is reprinted from the March 1943 Tau Beta Pi
 COUNCIL Bulletin and the original source is unknown.  As
 you can see, it is a bit dated.)
================================================
                          THE ENGINEER
 Verily, I say unto you, marry not an engineer for the
 engineer is a strange being possessed of many devils; yea,
 he speaketh eternally in parables, which he calleth
 "formulas", and he wieldeth a big stick which he calleth
 a slide rule, and he hath but one Bible-- a handbook.

 He talketh always of stresses and strains, and without
 end of Thermodynamics.  He showeth always a serious aspect
 and seemeth not to know how to smile; and he picketh his
 seat in the car by the springs therein and not by the
 damsel beside him; neither does he know a waterfall except
 for its power, nor the sunset except for her specific heat.

 Always he carieth his books with him, and he entertaineth
 his maiden with steam tables.  Verily though his damsel
 expecteth chocolates, when he calleth he openeth the pack-
 ages to disclose samples of iron.

 Yea, he holdeth his damsel's hand, but only to measure the
 friction, and kisses but to test viscosity.  For in his
 eyes shineth a faraway look which is neither love nor
 longing -- but a vain attempt to recall a formula.

 There is but one key dear to his heart, and that is the
 Tau Beta Pi key; and one love letter for which he yearneth,
 and that an "A"; and when to his damsel he writeth of love
 and signeth with crosses, mistake not these symbols for
 kisses but rather for unknown quantities.

 Even as a young boy he pulleth a girl's hair to test its
 elasticity, but as a man he discovers different devices;
 for he would count the vibrations of her heart strings
 and reckon her strength of materials; for he seeketh
 ever to pursue the scientific investivations, and
 inscribeth his passion in a formula; and his marriage is
 a simultaneous equation involving unkunknowns and yielding
 diverse answers.

Top
Subj:     Skiing In United Arab Emirates (S474c in Skiing)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/7/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 If I hadn't seen these five photos, I wouldn't have believed
 it.  It's best to view these photos by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Starting Engineer's Salary
          From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97

 Let's Talk Benefits:
 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources
 Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And
 what starting salary were you looking for?"

 The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year,
 depending on the benefit's package."

 The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package
 of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and
 dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary,
 and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

 The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!!  Are you
 kidding?" And the HR Person replied, "Yeah, but you started
 it."

Top
Subj:     Dubai Skyscraper World's Tallest Building (S553b)
          by Gulliver on July 30, 2007
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/22/2007
 Source: http://www.lifeisajoke.com/news38.htm

 (See 'Crane Operator Wanted' in Construction)

 A skyscraper still under construction in the oil rich Persian
 Gulf state of Dubai has become the world's tallest building.
 You can see the picture and read the article by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Engineering Student Gets A New Bike (S273e)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-22
      and From: RFSlick on 4/26/2002

 Two engineering students meet on campus one day.

 The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice
 bike!  Where did you get it?"

 "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the
 other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this
 bike.  She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and
 says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!' "

 "Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have
 fit you anyway."

Top
Subj:     Frank and Ernest On Engineering Degrees (S581b)
          By Bob Thaves on 3/8/2008
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2008/03/08
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