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>>>
Subj:     Job Related Stuff
                 (Includes 20 jokes and articles, 09 1004n,4,cf,wXT2,2)

          Click "Here" for Job-Stuff-Supp
             or "Here" for Job-Stuff-Supp2
 


Watercooler from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Coffee Shop Worker Quits Via Song - Video (S821d in Supp2)
.........................Let's Raise Kids To Be Entrepreneurs - TED Video(S735-Sp2)
.........................Don't Look Away When I'm Talking to You - Video(S787-Sup2)
.........................Nigel Marsh - Work Life Balance - Video (S729 in Supp2)
.........................Jenny Quits Her Job - Video (S723 in Supp2)
.........................Secrets To Success - Video (S722 in Supp2)
.........................Napoleon Hill - Think And Grow Rich - Video (S722 - Supp2)
.........................Surprise Party Turns Embarrassing - Video (S715 in Supp2)
.........................BP Spills Coffee - Video (S706 in Supp2)
.........................Companies That Use Acronyms Or Initials (S699b in Supp2)
.........................The Boss Returned From Lunch (S714b in Supp2)
.........................RSA Animate - Smile Or Die - Video (S696 in Supp2)
.........................Human Resource Dictionary (S241 in Supp2)
.........................Drive: The Surprising Science Of Motivation - Vid(S696-Sp2)
.........................The New "Family Pack" Hefty Bags (S275 in Supp2)
.........................Making Plastic Eco-Friendly - Video (S834 in Supp2)
.........................Stock Market Terminology (S305b, S610b in Supp2)
.........................Jason Fried: Why Work Doesn't Happen - TED Vid(S725 -Supp2)
.........................Stock Prices (S314 in Supp2)
.........................How To Find And Do Work You Love - TED Video (S866 in SUP2)
.........................How To Attend A Meeting (in Supp2)
.........................Changing Company Names (S222 in Supp2)
.........................Nor Sequitur Cartoon (S515c, S927 in Supp)
.........................Leadership Lessons From Dancing Guy - Video (S685b in Supp)
.........................SNL's Reliable Dividend Growth Fund - Video (S611 in Supp)
.........................The Four Way Test (S515b in Supp)
.........................Smart Marketing (S578 in Supp)
.........................The Brewery (S499c in Supp)
.........................Company Mascot Quiz (S597 in Supp)
.........................Entertaining Women Clients (397b in Supp)
.........................Find A Job For A Right- Or Left-Brain Thinker (S607 - Supp)
.........................Dinner With The Boss (S395 in Supp)
.........................Charts Music - Video (S635c in Supp)
.........................Best Out Of Office Auto Replies (S454 in Supp)
.........................The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem (S414 in Supp)
.........................New Son-In-Law Becomes Partner (S387b in Supp)
.........................Econ 101: by DAVE BARRY (in Supp)
.........................Asking Applicants A Final Question (S333b in Supp)
.........................Dead Man Works For A Week (S355 in Supp)
.........................The Meeting Minder (S334 in Supp)
.........................Company Colors Quiz (S638 in Supp)
.........................Office Printer's Type Grows Faint (S333 in Supp)
.........................Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S869)
.........................Mary Poppins Quits w/Kristen Bell - Video (S942)
.........................The Dilemma (S308)
.........................Stock Watch (S291)
.........................Girl Sells On The Beach (S288b)
.........................Tips For Working Hard (S238b)
.........................Sales Methods (S235, S484c)
.........................Sales Methods II (S347)
.........................Ten Civil Servants (S231b)
.........................Complaints Department (S395b)
.........................Good Bye Mom.... (S89, S555c)
.........................Getting A Salesman's Attention (S321)
.........................Salesman Divorces His Wife (DU)
.........................Salesman Needs A Haircut (S66)
.........................Wanna Buy A Fish Hook? (S29, S761)
.........................Morris The Salesman (S246)
.........................Selling Half A Head Of Lettice (S237, S448b)
.........................Mad Employee Plots Revenge (S182)
.........................Short Job-Stuff Files
..............................Dilbert Cartoons: Dogbert's Consult Video (S887-Sup2)
..............................The GIF - Office Essentials (S428 in Supp2)
..............................Calvin and Hobbes Sunday Comic Strip (S793 in Supp2)
..............................Moving Furniture (S728 in Supp2)
..............................Best-Known Consumer Brand Logos (S699b in Supp2)
..............................Successful New Business (S711b in Supp2)
..............................Best Flow Chart... (S716b in Supp2)
..............................Huggies Commercial (S683 in Supp)
..............................Bud Light Clothing Drive 2010 - Video (S682 in Supp)
..............................Work Harder Bumper Sticker (S672b in Supp)
..............................Can You Pass The Google Test? (S621b in Supp)
..............................North Dakota Oil (S620c in Supp)
..............................GS1 Bar Codes (S619c in Supp)
..............................What's Your Work Style? (S615 in Supp)
..............................Lunch On The Skyscraper (S607 in Supp)
..............................Foolish Trivia (S579b in Supp)
..............................More Foolish Trivia (S671b thru ??? in Supp)
..............................Sexual Harassment (S440b in Supp)
..............................Creative Advertising (S541c in Supp)
..............................Running Out of Typing Paper (S394b in Supp)
..............................Work Place Dangers (S553c in Supp)
..............................Buying A Thermometer (S373 in Supp)
..............................Maxine On Being A Consultant (S537b in Supp)
..............................Anal Glaucoma (S369 in Supp)
..............................Painted Ceiling In The Smoking Area (S518b in Supp)
..............................Definition Of A Committee (S358b in Supp)
..............................Nor Sequitur Cartoon II (DU in Supp)
..............................Office Arithmetic (S453b in Supp)
..............................Company Summer Party (S503b in Supp)
..............................Mooning The Boss (S502 in Supp)
..............................Crew Practice At The Office - Video (S495b in Supp)
..............................Riding The Market (S489b in Supp)
..............................How To Get Days Off Work (S486 in Supp)
..............................Christmas Season Store Sign (S465b in Supp)
..............................Workplace Safety Winners (S362 in Supp)
..............................WorkEthicEvaluation (S324b in Supp)
..............................Friday vs Monday - Video (S459)

Also see ACCIDENT1    - 'The Bricklayer'
         BANKING file - 'Identity Theft - NOT A Joke'
         BANK-SUPP    - 'Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die'
         BATHROOM file- 'How To Poop At Work:'
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Fortune 500's Men's Washroom'
......................- 'Trapped In A Toilet At Work'
......................- 'The Fly in the Armsterdam Urinal'
         BIRDS file   - 'Blue Bird Sings Inside Manure'
         BIRDS-DUCK   - 'Duck And The Feed Store'
         BLONDE1 file - 'Blonde Goes To Work After Many Years'
         BUGS_ETC file- 'Teaching About Worker Ants'
         CARS-SUPP    - 'Toyota Vs Ford'
......................- 'Reason I'm Late For Work'
         CATS1 file   - 'Here Kitty, Kitty...Kitty'
         CHEMISTRY    - 'Scientists Discover New Element'
         CHURCH-SUPP  - 'Three Young Men Sell Bibles'
.........CLOTHING file- 'High Heel Evidence'
......................- 'Store Sells Ugly Suit'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Business Student Earns A 'C''
         CONDOM file  - 'Condom Factory Tour'
......................- 'Buying A Condom From A Young Woman'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Doctor Gets Nurse Pregnant'
         ENGINEER3    - 'Computer Engineer Job Sign'
         FARMER2 file - 'Carnation Milk Contest'
         FISHIHG file - 'Blind Fishing Salesman'
         FOOD_ETC2    - 'The New Supermarket'
         FOOD_ETC-SUPP- 'Packaged Food Mascots - Memory Test'
         FOOD_ETC_SUP2- 'Anti-Theft Lunch Bag'
......................- 'Popsicle Stick Riddle'
         FUCK file    - 'David Letterman - Harrison Ford Tells A Joke' - Video
         JOBS3 file   - 'Resumes And Cover Letters'
......................- 'Resume Bloopers'
         KIDS2 file   - 'Whose Father Is Fastest?'
......................- 'Boss Talks To Child'
         HEADLINES-ADS- 'International Marketing Ads'
         HEADLNS-SUPP2- '3D Posters On Vending Machines'
.........HELL file    - 'Consultant Picks Between Heaven And Hell'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'Organ Donor Fired'
.........HOOKER2 file - 'Work For Pay'
         HUNTING-SUPP - 'Dilbert Comic Strip'
......................- 'Bizarro Cartoon II'
         INDIAN file  - 'The Dead Horse Theory' - Drawing
         ITALIAN file - 'Italian Buisness School'
......................- 'Moishe Goes To Italy'
         LAWS file    - 'Murphy's Laws of Work'
         LETTERS1 file- 'Great Resignation Letter'
         MARRIAGE2    - 'Husband Buys Lingerie For Wife'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'Your Home'
         MEXICAN file - 'Get A Yob' - Video
         MONKEY file  - 'Organizational Theory'
         NATIVE AMERIC- 'The Wisdom of a Navajo Woman'
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Professional Competency Test'
         OTHER_OCCUP  - 'The Wal-Mart Greeter'
......................- 'Texas Pharmacy Sells Drugs At Cost'
         OTH_OCC-SUPP - 'The Modern Lumberjack'
         OTHER-PEOPLE - 'Dilbert Comic Strip On Robots'
         PHONE-SUPP   - 'Dilbert Comic Strip on Twittering'
         POETRY file  - 'Computer Haiku'
         POLITICAL-PCS- 'Over Qualified'
         QUOTES3 file - 'Quotes From The Workplace'
......................- 'More Quotes From The Workplace'
         SCHOOL-SUPP3 - 'Selling Toothbrushs'
         SEX3 file    - 'Statistical Findings On Sex:'
         THO-LEARN-SUP- 'Quotes By Abe Lincoln'
         THOUGHTS-TIME- 'Procrastinator's Creed'
         THO-TIME-SUPP- 'Dilbert Comic Strip'
         WAITER-ETC   - 'Indian Carrying Shotgun And Manure Wants Coffee'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S869)
          By Wiley Miller on 8/23/2013
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2013/08/23
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Top
Subj:     Mary Poppins Quits w/Kristen Bell (S942d)
          Made by: Funny Or Die
          From: Randy Dismuke on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/TlTO8ggfes8
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152735169383851

 In this Funny Or Die video, Mary Poppins (Kristen Bell)
 is practically perfect in every way, except grossly
 underpaid. And she wants to #RaiseTheWage.

 Click 'HERE' to see this nostalgic musical video.

Top
Subj:     The Dilemma (S308)
          From: gheckman on 12/27/2002

 You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,
 when you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people
 waiting for the bus:

 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
 2. An old friend who once saved your life.
 3. The perfect man (or woman) you have been dreaming about.

 Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that
 there could only be one passenger in your car?
 
 
 
 

 Think before you continue reading...
 
 
 
 

 This is a moral / ethical dilemma that was once actually
 used as part of a job application.
 

 You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to
    die, and thus you should save her first;
 Or you could take the old friend because she once saved
    your life, and this would be the perfect chance to
    pay her back.
 However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream
    lover again.

 The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had
 no trouble coming up with his answer.  He simply answered:
 "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let her
 take the lady to the hospital.  I would stay behind and
 wait for the bus with the man/woman of my dreams."

 Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our
 stubborn thought limitations.  Never forget to "Think
 Outside of the Box."  However, the correct answer is to
 run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have
 sex with the perfect man/woman against the bus stop and
 drive off with the old friend for some beers.

From: pns@earthlink.net on 8/7/2003
 The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her
 out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner against
 the bus stop, then drive off with the old friend for some
 beers.

Top
Subj:     Stock Watch (S291)
          From: ICohen on 8/28/2002

 Normally I avoid discussing any advice received from our
 broker, but I felt this is important enough to share and
 warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be
 yet another ENRON.

 Please review any holdings you might have in the following
 stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company,
 Northern Tissue Company.

 Due to uncertain market conditions, we advise you to sit
 tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of
 your gas.

 You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched
 a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.  It's a
 tough market out there.  Be careful.

Top
Subj:     Girl Sells On The Beach (S288b)
          From: RFSlick on 7/26/2002

 A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a
 lot.  One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach
 pretty much every day.  She wasn't unusual, nor was the
 travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would
 approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance
 around furtively, then speak to them.  Generally the
 people would respond negatively and she would wander off,
 but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a
 quick exchange of money and something she carried in
 her bag.  The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and
 debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for
 sure they just continued to watch her.

 After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you
 ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom
 boxes and other electronic devices?"

 He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want
 you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on
 the beach.  Then we can find out what she's really doing."
 Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was
 almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw
 the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

 The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
 "Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No,
 she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he
 should have. "Well, What is it, then? What does she do?"
 his wife fairly shrieked.

 The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."

 "Batteries?" cried the wife.

 "Yes," he replied.
 

 Are you ready for this?

 Now this is going to kill you. . .
 Scroll down...
 

 You're gonna hate me for this....
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Don't say I didn't warn you....
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 SHE SELLS "C" CELLS BY THE SEASHORE!!!

Top
Subj:     Tips For Working Hard (S238b)
          From: JokeCenter.com on 08/24/01
 Source: (Removed from jokecenter.com)

 George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard (Rated PG)

 1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your
 hands. People with documents in their hands look like
 hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People
 with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the
 cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like
 they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
 carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating
 the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

 2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer,
 it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send
 and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and
 generally have a blast without doing anything remotely
 related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits
 that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to
 talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by
 your boss -and you *will* get caught - your best defence is
 to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
 saving valuable training dollars.

 3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean
 desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working
 hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
 workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same
 as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high
 and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle,
 bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing
 stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

 4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice
 mail. People don't call you just because they want to give
 you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU
 to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your
 calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail
 message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond
 during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks
 like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're
 being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method
 of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when
 nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that
 the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn't
 involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever
 hear is: "Ignore my last message. I took care of it".  If
 your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it
 can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently.  One
 way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages.  If
 that takes too long, send yourself a few messages.  Your
 callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry,
 this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hard-
 working employee in high demand.

 5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George
 Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and
 annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are
 always busy.

 6. Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late,
 especially when the boss is still around.  You could read
 magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
 have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk
 past the boss' room on your way out.  Send important emails
 at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during
 public holidays.

 7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are
 many people around, giving the impression that you are very
 hard pressed.

 8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of
 documents on the table.  Put lots of books on the floor
 etc. . . . Can always borrow from library.  Thick computer
 manuals are the best.

 9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines
 and pick out all the jargon and new products.  Use it
 freely when in conversation with bosses.  Remember: They
 don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
 impressive.

 10. * MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by
 mistake!!!

Top
Subj:     Sales Methods (S235, 484c)
          From: KMACINTY on 7/31/2001
      and From: auntiegah on 4/29/2006

 Sales methods explained in 7 easy examples.

 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and say,
 "I am very rich. Marry me!"  That's Direct Marketing.

 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous
 girl.  One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
 says, "He's very rich.  Marry him."  That's Advertising.

 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and get
 her telephone number.  The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm
 very rich. Marry me."  That's Telemarketing.

 You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.  You get up and
 straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
 You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
 offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich.
 Will you marry me?"  That's Public Relations.

 You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.  She walks up to
 you and says, "You are very rich.."  That's Brand Recognition.

 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and say,
 "I'm rich. Marry me"  She gives you a nice hard slap on your
 face.  That's Customer Feedback !!!!!

 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and say,
 "I am very rich. Marry me!"  And she introduces you to her
 husband.  That's demand and supply gap.

 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.  You go up to her and
 before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her
 face towards you ------------ she is your wife!  That's
 competition eating into your market share

Top
Subj:     Sales Methods II (S347)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 9/25/2003

 WHAT IS PROMOTION AND MARKETING?

 "If the circus is coming to town and you paint a
 sign saying "Circus Coming to the Fairground
 Saturday," that's advertising.

 If you put the sign on the back of an elephant and
 walk him into town, that's promotion.

 If the elephant walks through the mayor's flower bed,
 that's publicity.

 If you can get the mayor to laugh about it, that's
 public relations.

 And if you planned the elephant's walk, that's marketing."

Top
Subj:     Ten Civil Servants (S231b)
          From: coreymac on 6/26/2001

  Ten civil servants standing in a line,
  One of them was downsized - then there were nine

  Nine civil servants who must negotiate,
  One joined the union - then there were eight.

  Eight civil servants thought they were in heaven,
  'Til one of them was redeployed - then there were seven.

  Seven civil servants, their jobs as safe as bricks,
  But one was reclassified - then there were six.

  Six civil servants trying to survive,
  One of them was privatized - then there were five.

  Five civil servants ready to give more,
  But one golden handshake reduced them to four.

  Four civil servants full of loyalty,
  Their jobs were all advertised - then there were three.

  Three civil servants under review,
  One left on secondment - then there were two.

  Two civil servants coping on the run,
  One went on stress leave - then there was one.

  The last civil servant agreed to relocate,
  Replaced by 10 consultants at twice the hourly rate.

Top
Subj:     Complaints Department (S395b)
          From: DafterLafter on 8/23/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     Good Bye Mom.... (S89, S555c)
          From: thebartend on 98-10-16
      and From: ginafm on 9/5/2007

 A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a
 few things when he noticed an old lady following him around.
 Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
 Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front
 of him.

 "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has
 made you feel uncomfortable.  It's just that you look just
 like my son, who just died recently."

 "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything
 I can do for you?"

 "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye,
 Mother!'?  It would make me feel so much better."

 "Sure," answered the young man.

 As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye,
 Mother!"

 As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his
 total was $127.50.

 "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

 "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Top
Subj:     Getting A Salesman's Attention (S321)
..........From: DafterLafter on 3/23/2003

 My husband and I had bought some gadgets for our almost
 teen-age grandsons and were leaving the store when we
 realized we didn't have batteries.  He stepped over to
 a counter to get the batteries but couldn't attract the
 attention of the clerk.  I waited for a little while then
 said "I'll get a clerk over here real fast."  With that,
 I pulled out my pocket tape measure and started measuring
 a large TV set.  Amazingly, a clerk leap-frogged over
 several pieces of furniture to reach my side in jig time.
 To his "may I help you?"  I said - "Of course. I'll take
 8 of those batteries over there.

Top
Subj:     Salesman Divorces His Wife (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #249 on 98-05-25

 A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against
 his wife.

 "Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that
 first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's
 fidelity."

 "Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man
 testified.  "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive
 to the wife."

 "One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst
 of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the
 apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't
 you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"

Top
Subj:     Salesman Needs A Haircut (S66)
          From: RFSlick on 98-04-30

 A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel.
 Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting,
 he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a
 barber on the premises.

 "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically,
 "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve
 your purposes."

 Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate
 machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the
 opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.
 Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and
 surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best
 haircut he ever received in his life.

 Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read,
 "Manicures - 25 cents."

 "Why not?" thought the salesman.  He paid the money, inserted
 his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly
 manicured.

 The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine
 Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives -
 cost 50 cents."

 The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways.  Seeing
 nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants
 and stuck his "thing" into the opening -  with great
 anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks.

 When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of
 agony.  Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling
 hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his "thingy"...

 Which now had a button sewed on the tip.

Top
Subj:     Wanna Buy A Fish Hook? (S29, S761)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-31
      and From: virv on 8/12/2011

 A young fellow from Kansas moves to California and goes to
 a big 'everything under one roof' department store looking
 for a job.

 The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

 The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Kansas."

 Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You
 start tomorrow.  I'll come down after we close and see how
 you did."

 His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
 After the store was locked up, the boss came down...

 "How many sales did you make today?"

 The kid says, "One."

 The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or
 30 sales a day.  You're going to have to improve considerably
 or look for another job!

 How much was the sale for?"

 The kid says, "$112,237.64."

 The boss says, "$112,237.64!  What the hell did you sell?"

 Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook.  Then I sold
 him a medium fish hook.  Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
 Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

 Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down
 at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we
 went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass
 boat.

 Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,
 so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him
 that new Ford pick-up.  I asked him how long he was going to
 be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him
 down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for
 the truck."

 The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and
 you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"

 Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for
 his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might
 as well go fishing'."
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Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009
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Second version
Subj:     How To Make A Sale

 One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being
 trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson
 at a large department store.  His supervisor was trying to
 show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by
 making them feel they needed the items.  "Watch this," he
 said and approached a man who has just entered the store.
 "May I help you, sir?"

 The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I
 need some fertilizer for my lawn."  So the supervisor said,
 "Well, we have five and ten pound bags of fertilizer.  I
 recommend you go with the ten pound bag."

 "Why is that?"

 "The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer,
 but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.

 "Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder."

 "Very good sir.  And would you like the stiff rake or the
 spring-rake with that?"

 "Rake?  What do I need that for?"

 "Well sir," said the supervisor authoritatively, "if you
 don't rake up the old dead grass before you spread the
 fertilizer, it won't all reach the soil."

 "All right then. I'll get the stiff rake."

 "Very good sir. And would you like the fixed sprinkler or
 the oscillating sprinkler with that?"

 The man started to get a bit steamed and asked harshly,
 "Sprinkler? Look, I just came in here for some fertilizer.
 What do I need a sprinkler for?"

 Calmly, the supervisor responded, "Well sir, if you water
 your lawn immediately after fertilizing, the fertilizer
 will sink into the soil more quickly and in no time at all,
 you'll have the greenest lawn in your neighbourhood."

 This sounded pretty good to the man so he picked up the
 fixed sprinkler. "OK, then. I'll take all this."

 "Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas
 mower with that?" asked the supervisor.

 Now the customer had about had it and he all but blew up
 at the supervisor. "LAWNMOWER? Look, all I wanted when I
 came here was a bag of fertilizer.  You've already managed
 to sell me a rake and a sprinkler besides.  Give me one
 good reason why I should get a lawnmower, too!"

 Calm as ever, the supervisor said, "Well sir, if you get
 a lawnmower now, then you'll be all ready to start trimming
 your beautiful green grass the minute it starts getting too
 long.  Your lawn will look like a golf course and you'll be
 the envy of all your neighbours!  Besides, they are on sale
 this week only, and you're going to need it either way."

 Well, the man figured that sounded OK and he really wanted
 to get out of there before he bought anything else so at
 last he relented.  "Fine. I'll get the electric mower, but
 that's it!"

 "Very good sir. I'll ring that up for you."  After the man
 had left the store with all his new purchases, the supervisor
 turned to the trainee and said, "So, do you think you could
 do that?"

 The trainee said that he thought he could and the supervisor
 directed him towards another customer. The trainee approached
 the puzzled-looking man and asked, "May I help you sir?"

 The man replied, "Yes. I need some tampons for my wife."

 Well, the trainee is totally thrown off by this request. He
 can't imagine what he could offer the man to go along with
 that.  However, he wanted to impress his boss so he thought
 hard.  Suddenly, he had it! "Very good sir.  And would you
 like the electric or gas mower with that?"

 "Mower?  What the hell is wrong with you? I came in here
 looking for tampons. Why the hell should I get a lawnmower,
 too?"

 "Well sir, " the trainee answered, "I figure your weekend
 is shot, so you might as well cut the grass."

Top
Subj:     Morris The Salesman (S246)
..........From: dogbyte on 10/18/2001

 Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

 "We don't need anyone" they replied.

 "You can't afford not to hire me.  I can sell anyone,
 anytime, anything!"

 "Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to
 sell.  If you can sell just one, you have a job."

 He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them
 two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

 "How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.

 "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman,
 I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"

 "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

 "What's that?" he asked.

 "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company
 requires a urine sample.  Take these two bottles and go
 back and get urine samples."

 Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to
 close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets,
 one in each hand.  He sets the buckets down, and reaches
 in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine,
 and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's
 and this one is Mr.Smith's."

 "Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"

 "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a
 state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a
 group policy!"

Top
Subj:     Selling Half A Grapefruit (S237, S448b)
..........Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/14/94
..........From: MEBHARKINS on 8/15/2005

 A man walked into the produce section of his local
 supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The
 boy working in that department told him that they only
 sold whole heads of lettuce.  The man was insistent that
 the boy ask his manager about the matter.  Walking into
 the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole
 wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."  As he finished
 his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
 behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered
 to buy the other half."

 The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
 Later the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed
 with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
 We like people who think on their feet here.  Where are you
 from, son?"

 "Canada, sir," the boy replied.

 "Well, why did you leave Canada," the  manager asked.

 The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey
 players up there."

 "Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

 The boy replied, "No kidding???? Who did she play for?"

Top
Subj:     Mad Employee Plots Revenge (S182)

 This guy has been working at the local grocery store for over
 two years.  When the promotion list goes up and he sees that
 the new stock-boy got the cashiers job over him, he becomes
 irate. That night, after ten or so beers he and his co-worker
 Arty start talking about the bad decision Mr. Boss made.  The
 conversation turns to murder. In his drunken state, Arty agrees
 to kill the new cashier and Mr. Boss for the contents of his
 saddened friends pockets.  The next day the local papers head-
 line read, "Arty chokes two for a dollar at MegaFoods".  --  Jafo

Top
Subj:     Friday vs Monday (S459d)
          From: chrisdaddyg on 11/4/2005
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/v_7WgoUke7g

 This short video clip uses a penguin and a polar bear to
 illustrate workers on Friday and Monday.  Click on 'HERE'
 to view this cute, short, video.

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............................From Smiley_Central
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