Subj: Job-Supplement Jokes
..........(Includes 79 jokes, 12 1126,17,cf,tb,vXT4a8a,13)
..........Updated through Hung Chow Too Sick To Work
Steam Horn from
Subj: Dilbert Comic Strip (S1033)
By Scott Adams in 2016
ABC News - The All American Home
From: ft.apache in 2011 (S783d-iFrame)
On ABC World News with Diane
Sawyer, David Muir made
the trip to Bozeman, Montana to find out about the
All American Home. Click 'HERE' to see this fascination
video which is part of the ABC news series "Made In America."
Subj: Selling Assholes (S546b, S814)
From: tom in 2010
Two business men in NY are sitting
down for a break in
their soon-to-be new store .. as yet, the store isn't
ready -- only a few shelves are set up. One says to the
other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to
walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're
No sooner are the words out of
his mouth when, sure
enough, a curious fellow walks to the window, has a
peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all
sellin' here?" One of the men replies, "Oh! We're
selling assholes here."
Without skipping a beat, the
southern fellow says, "Well,
I see y'all're doing really good, you only got two left!"
Subj: The Monkey Market (S610)
From: ginafm in 2008
Once upon a time in a place overrun
with monkeys, a man
appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy
monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers, seeing that there
were many monkeys around,
went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man
bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish,
they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their
The man then announced that he
would now pay $20 for each
one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they
started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply
diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch,
so people started going back to their farms and forgot about
monkey catching. The man increased his price to $25 each
and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an
effort to even see a monkey, much less catch
The man now announced that he
would buy monkeys for $50!
However, since he had to go to the city on some business,
his assistant would now buy on his behalf.
While the man was away the assistant
told the villagers.
"Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man
has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when
the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him
for $50 each."
The villagers rounded up all
their savings and bought all
the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant
again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.
Now you have a better understanding
of how the stock market
Prof. Obeng Motivational
..........in 2012 (S823d-iFrame)
Professor Edward (Eddie) David
Asihene Obeng is a
British educator, author and motivational speaker.
He is a Professor at the School of Entrepreneurship
and Innovation, Henley Business School; founder and
Learning Director of Pentacle (The Virtual Business
School) and a Council Member at the UK Design Council.
Monkeys And The Ladder Example
TED - Smart Failure For A Fast-Changing World
From: Wimp.com in 2012
to see learn about "smart failure" and why
you need it.
Subj: Hung Chow Too Sick To Work (S336)
From: DoctorDebt in 2003
......and From: John Sipos in 2018
(Also see 'Doctor's
Advice For Migraine Headaches' in DOCTOR1)
Subj: Door-To-Door Vacuum Salesman (S276b)
From: twistedhumor.com on 12/16/2000
An enthusiastic door-to-door
vacuum salesman goes to the
first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean
and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has
a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow
patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum
cleaner don't do wonders
cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk
and says, "You want
ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We just moved in and
we haven't got the
electricity turned on yet."
Office Hacky Sacy (S610d, S795)
From: darrellvip on 8/27/2008
A guy at the office takes a break
to play some hacky sack
and performs a surprising finish. Click 'HERE' to see
this man's amazing hacky sack skills. Don't skip this video.
Subj: Whom to Lay Off?? (S619b)
From: ginafm on 11/16/2008
As the CFO of this business that
employees 140 people, I
have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will
be our next President, and that our taxes and government
fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these
increases, I figure that the clients will have to see an
increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we
cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state
of our economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees
This has really been eating at
me for a while, as we believe
we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who will
have to go. So, this is what I did. I strolled through our
parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees'
cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid
off. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this
problem. These folks wanted change, I gave it to them.
Subj: Picking A New CEO (S538c)
From: auntiegah on 5/6/2007
A successful business man was
growing old and knew it was
time to choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his
directors or his children,
he decided to do something different. He called all the
young executives in his company together.
He said, "It is time for me to
step down and choose the
next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you." The young
executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am
going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very
special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and
come back here one year from today with what you have grown
from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the
plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next
One man, named Jim, was there
that day and he, like the
others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told
his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and
compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water
it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three
weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about
their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.
Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three
weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By
now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't
have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went
by--still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed
his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he
had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues,
however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil
- He so wanted the seed to grow.
A year finally went by and all
the young executives of the
company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.
Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty
pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened.
Jim felt sick at his stomach, it was going to be the most
embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was
right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim
arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by
the other executives. They were beautiful--in all shapes
and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of
his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed
the room and greeted his
young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My,
what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,"
said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted
Jim at the back of the
room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director
to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought,
"The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the
CEO asked him what had
happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit
down except Jim. He looked
at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold
your next Chief Executive! His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't
believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. How could he
be the new CEO the others said?
Then the CEO said, "One year
ago today, I gave everyone in
this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it,
water it, and bring it back to me today.
But I gave you all boiled seeds;
they were dead - it was
not possible for them to grow. All of you, except Jim,
have brought me trees and plants and flowers.
When you found that the seed
would not grow, you
substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was
the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a
pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who
will be the new Chief Executive!"
If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
If you plant hard work, you will reap success
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
If you plant faith, you will reap a harvest
So be careful what you plant
for it will determine
what you will reap later.
Job Marker 2009 (S584b,d)
From: rfslick on 3/28/2008
In this video, a Mexican American
in a pick-up pulls up
to a bunch of workers in suits and fills is truck with
the workers he needs. Clicking 'HERE' to see this cute,
Subj: Coming To Work Late (S537)
From: SCOTCOB on 5/5/2007
Rick was in his early 50's, retired
and starting a second
career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on
time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was an
outstanding worker, real sharp, and loved his new job.
So the "Boss" was in a big quandary about how to deal
with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office
for a talk.
"Rick, I have to tell you, I
really like your work ethic,
you do a bang-up job, but you being late so often is quite
"Yes, I know, Boss, and I am really working on it."
"Well good, you're a fine team
player. That's what I like
to hear. It's odd though about you coming in late. I
know you're retired from the Air Force.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
They said: "Good morning, General."
Subj: Differences Between You and Your Boss (S490b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/14/2006
When you take a long time, you're
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without
being told, you're overstepping
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of
etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office,
you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick,
you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you
must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
Subj: Flowchart For Problem Resolution (S387)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 6/14/2004
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Subj: Tater People (S317b)
From: RFSlick on 2/23/2003
Potatoe Marries Idaho Spud' in IRISH2 file
Some people never seem motivated
but are just content to watch while others do the work.
They are called "Speck Taters".
Some people never do anything
but are gifted at finding fault with the way
others do the work.
They are called "Comment Taters".
Some people are very bossy and
like to tell others what to do,
but don't want to soil their own hands.
They are called "Dick Taters".
Some people are always looking
to cause problems
by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or
too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called "Agie Taters".
There are those who say they
but somehow just never get around to actually
doing the promised help.
They are called "Hezzie Taters".
Some people can put up a front
and pretend to be
someone they are not.
They are called "Emma Taters".
Then there are those who
love others and do
what they say they will. They are always prepared
to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping
hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called "Sweet Taters".
If you know any "Sweet Taters",
send them this!!
By logic of reason YOU must therefore be a "sweet tater!"
Subj: You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When...(S314b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/5/2003
You hand a bank teller an envelope,
and when she asks,
"What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's
deposit in a mailbox.
A woman comes into the store,
you turn to the other salesman
and say, "I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one's
your turn". Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife.
While your boss is at lunch,
you sneak in and look at some
confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee
on the keyboard. It shorts out.
You return from a week's vacation
to find that you had
scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.
You take a "sick" day. The next
morning the boss asks you,
"So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?".
You wake up hung over. You have
a black eye and barked
knuckles. You're in jail. Last night was the company
The Simple Truths of Service (S564b,d)
From: gordonschuk on 10/21/07
A second title to this video
is 'Johnny The Grocery
Store Bagger'. It illustrates how it costs so little
to positively impact someones life. You can view it
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Job S.H.I.T. (S287)
From: KMACINTY on 7/30/2002
(See 'Forced Retirement Of Older Employees' in JOBS3)
TO : ALL EMPLOYEES
FR : MANAGEMENT
SUBJECT : SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure the highest
levels of quality work and
productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep
all employees well-trained through our program of SPECIAL
HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give our employees
more S.H.I.T. than
If you feel that you do not receive
your share of S.H.I.T.
on the job, please see your manager.
You will be immediately placed
at the top of the S.H.I.T.
list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing
that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION
PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have
to go through EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.)
Since our managers took S.H.I.T.
before they were promoted,
they don't have to take S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of
If you are full of S.H.I.T.,
you may be interested in a job
training others. We can add your name to our BASIC
UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).
Those who are full of B.U.L.L.
S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.
jobs, and can apply for promotion to the DIRECTOR OF EXTRA
EMPLOYEE PROGRAMMING (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please direct them to:
HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGHT
INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
Subj: CEOs Make a Break For Border (S286c)
From: Cypriot on 7/12/2002
Band of Roving Chief Executives
Spotted Miles from Mexican
SAN ANTONIO, Texas(Reuters) -
Unwilling to wait for their
eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of public
U.S. companies made a break for it yesterday, heading for
the Mexican border, plundering towns and villages along
the way, and writing the entire rampage off as a marketing
"They came into my home, made
me pay for my own TV, then
double-booked the revenues," said Rachel Sanchez of Las
Cruces, just north of El Paso. "Right in front of my
Calling themselves the CEOnistas,
the chief executives
were first spotted last night along the Rio Grande River
near Quemado, where they bought each of the town's 320
residents by borrowing against pension fund gains. By
late this morning, the CEOnistas had arbitrarily inflated
Quemado's population to 960, and declared a 200 percent
profit for the fiscal second quarter.
This morning, the outlaws bought
the city of Waco,
transferred its underperforming areas to a private
partnership, and sent a bill to California for $4.5 billion.
Law enforcement officials and
riding posse were noticeably frustrated.
First of all, they're very hard
to find because they
always stand behind their numbers, and the numbers keep
shifting," said posse spokesman Dean Levitt. "And every
time we yell 'Stop in the name of the shareholders!',
they refer us to investor relations. I've been on the
phone all damn morning."
"YOU'LL NEVER AUDIT ME ALIVE!"
The pursuers said they have had
some success, however,
by preying on a common executive weakness. "Last night
we caught about 24 of them by disguising one of our
female officers as a CNBC anchor," said U.S. Border
Patrol spokesperson Janet Lewis. "It was like moths to
Also, teams of agents have been
listening devices to scan the plains for telltale sounds
of the CEOnistas. "Most of the time we just hear leaves
rustling or cattle flicking their tails," said Lewis,
"but occasionally we'll pick up someone saying, 'I was
totally out of the loop on that.'"
Among former and current CEOs
apprehended with this
method were Computer Associates' Sanjay Kumar, Adelphia's
John Rigas, Enron's Ken Lay, Joseph Nacchio of Qwest,
Joseph Berardino of Arthur Andersen, and every Global
Crossing CEO since 1997. ImClone Systems' Sam Waksal
and Dennis Kozlowski of Tyco were not allowed to join
the CEOnistas as they have already been indicted. So
far, about 50 chief executives have been captured,
including Martha Stewart, who was detained south of El
Paso where she had cut through a barbed-wire fence at
the Zaragosa border crossing off Highway 375.
"She would have gotten away,
but she was stopping
motorists to ask for marzipan and food coloring so she
could make edible snowman place settings, using the
cut pieces of wire for the arms," said Border Patrol
officer Jennette Cushing. "We put her in cell No. 7,
because the morning sun really adds texture to the
While some stragglers are believed
to have successfully
crossed into Mexico, Cushing said the bulk of the
CEOnistas have holed themselves up at the Alamo.
"No, not the fort, the car rental
place at the airport,"
she said. "They're rotating all the tires on the minivans
and accounting for each change as a sale."
Subj: Calling Employees By Name (S276c)
..........From: twistedhumor.com on December 29, 2000
The manager of a large office
noticed a new man one day
and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?"
he asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look...
I don't know what kind of
a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call
anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and
that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my
employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones,
Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as
Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is
your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
Subj: Short Job Jokes
Dilbert Sunday Comic Strip (S781)
By Scott Adams on 1/1/2012
Hagar Comic Strip (S733)
by Chris Browne on 1/11/2009
From: Tom on 1/22/2011
Subj: What's Your Name? (S684b)
From: LABLaughs on 2/23/2010
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the
fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to
speak to the manager, Ahmed.
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can
I help you?" said the guy
who answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed." asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,'
people think I'm
saying, 'I'm Ed,' so I figured it's just easier to be Ed!"
Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S656b)
By Wiley Miller on 8/2/2009
Subj: Store Clerk Makes A Mistake (S288)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/26/2002 (S288b - golf3)
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,
"No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it
doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed, the manager rushed over
to the customer who was
walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am.
Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an
order for it a couple of weeks ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk
aside and growled, "Never,
never, never, never say we don't have something. If we
don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now,
what was it she wanted?"
Six Phases Of Working (S649)
From: gattica30 on 6/16/2009
GIF from Animated GIF Finder...
Subj: Day Off To Help The Wife (S270e)
From: twistedhumor.com on January 21, 2002
Gardner goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing
some heavy house-cleaning at
home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic
and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Gardner,"
the boss replies. "I can't
give you the day off."
"Thanks boss," says Gardner,
"I knew I could count on you!"
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon (S919)
By Wiley Miller on 8/21/2014
Subj: Definition-Mission Statement (S347b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 9/25/2003
A mission statement is defined as "a long awkward sentence
that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly."
All good companies have one.
How Big Is Wal-Mart (S620b)
From: tom on 11/29/2008
Source: (Removed from bitsandpieces.us)
Subj: Four People To Do One Job (S305b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/3/2002
This is a story about four people named Everybody,
Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important
job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.
Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody
could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that,
because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could
do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't
do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody
when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Employee Of The Month (S501c)
..........From: darrell94590 on 8/28/2006
Subj: Committees (S433)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/9/2005
I have to admit it, Johnson had offered a brilliant proposal
to resolve our troublesome problem. He suggested we form
three committees, one to study the problem directly, one to
study how other companies had resolved similar problems, and
a third to oversee the first two and coordinate their efforts
into a workable solution.
The plan worked flawlessly and
we assigned the janitor to
change the lightbulb.
Burger King (S447b)
From: LABLaughsAdult .on 8/11/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
From 'Variations On Murphy's Law' (S158) in LAWS file.
5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room
for the mouse.
9. Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
10. Law of Volunteer Labor
People are always available for work in the past tense.
11. Conway's Law
In any organization there is one person who knows what
is going on. That person must be fired.
12. Iron Law of Distribution
Them that has, gets.
15. Heeler's Law
The first myth of management is that it exists.
17. Main's Law
For every action there is an equal and opposite
Subj: Real Short Job Jokes
In 1900 a competent accountant
could expect to earn $2000
per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between
$1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about
$5000 per year.
A company trying to continue
its five-year perfect safety
record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the
use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial
Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial
accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered
minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room.
Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches
after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the
Most executives say this automatically
eliminates a candidate
from job consideration - what is it?
A typo in their resume.
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old
jobless man with an MBA
blamed his college degree for his murder of three people.
"There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I
had chosen another field, all this may not have happened..."
From: humorlist-digest V3 #18 on 99-01-21
At an office:
"This job is only a test had it been an actual job,
you would have received raises, bonses and promotions."
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening.
Clans of long ago that wanted
to get rid of their unwanted
people without killing them used to burn their houses down
- hence the expression "to get fired."
From: auntieg 98-05-09
In most advertisements, including newspapers,
the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
From: dogbyte on 11/9/2001 (S249)
Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.
-- Charles Schultz
From: dogbyte on 11/28/2001 (S252)
Hard work may not kill you,
but why take chances?
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/5/2002 (S262)
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win,
you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/28/2002 (S264)
Success is rare, unless the effort is enjoyable.
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/4/2002 (S270c)
"A friendship founded on business is better than a business
founded on friendship." -- John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960)
From: RFSlick on 98-10-17 (S285b)
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that
it can't be blamed on somebody else.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #270 on 98-08-31
When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it.
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/29/2002 (S274c)
"The secret of success is to know something nobody else
knows." -- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/1/2002 (S274c)
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be
looking for it" -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
From: CatScratch on 6/3/2002 (S279b)
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk,... I have a work station.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/10/2002
Most of the important things in the world have been
accomplished by people who have kept on trying when
there seemed to be no hope at all. -- Dale Carnegie
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/21/2006
"The best things in life are yours, if you can
appreciate them." - Dale Carnegie
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/21/2006
"Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make
the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake
yourself awake. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep
through you. Live today with gusto." - Dale Carnegie
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/21/2002 (S308b)
Concentrate your energies, your thoughts and your
capital.... The wise man puts all his eggs in one
basket and watches the basket. -- Andrew Carnegie
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/21/2006 (S491b)
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what
they are doing." -- Andrew Carnegie
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/30/2002
You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing
the means he uses to frighten you. -- Eric Hoffer
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/1/2003 (S309b)
A man should live with his superiors as he does with fire,
not too near, lest he burns, or too far off, lest he
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/25/2003 (S317b)
A man rarely succeeds at anything
unless he has fun doing it.
From: Joke-of-the-day.com on 2/23/2003
More and more these days I find myself pondering how to
reconcile my net income with my gross habits. -- John Nelson.
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/2/2003 (S318b)
An executive succeeds or fails not so much because of
what he does, but because of what he is able to get
someone else to do.
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/3/2003 (S318b)
A man can succeed at almost anything
for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/9/2003 (S319b)
Nothing motivates a man more than to see
his boss putting in an honest day's work.
From: igiggle on 8/5/2003 (S340b)
Brian: Sir, my wife said I was to ask for a raise.
Boss: Good, I'll ask my wife if I may give you one.
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/26/2006 (S476b)
"In modern business it is not the crook who is to be
feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know
what he is doing." -- William Wordsworth
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 4/28/2006
"Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket."
-- Robert Orben
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/13/2007
I have learned that no matter how many times you changes
jobs that it's the same circus...just different clowns.
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/27/2008
Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in
mud. After a while you realize that while you are
getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/27/2008
"A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go
further than a great idea that inspires no one."
-- Mary Kay Ash
From: kmacinty on 11/25/2009 (S282b)
Q: What's the difference between a wife and a job?
A: After 20 years, the job STILL sucks.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/13/2004
Q: What is a perfect secretary?
A: One who never misses a period.