(Includes 13 jokes and articles, 23784,6,cf)
Raccoon Crook from
Accent on Animation
| Subj:
Judge-Supp Jokes
(Includes 13 jokes and articles, 23784,6,cf) |
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Raccoon Crook from Accent on Animation |
THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER
IN HOUSTON, TEXAS
March 5th, 2009
Last Thursday night round midnight,
a woman in Houston,
Texas was arrested, jailed,
and charged with manslaughter
for shooting a man times in
the back as he was running
away with her purse.
The following Monday morning,
the woman was called in front
of the arraignment judge, sworn
in, and asked to explain
her actions.
The woman replied, "I was standing
at the corner bus stop
for about 15 minutes, waiting
for the bus to take me home
after work. I am a waitress
at a local cafe. I was there
alone, so I had my right hand
on my pistol, that was in my
purse, that was hung over my
left shoulder.
"All of a sudden I was being
spun around hard to my left.
As I caught my balance, I saw
a man running away from me
with my purse.
I looked down at my right hand
and I saw that my fingers
were wrapped tightly around
my pistol. The next thing I
remember is saying out loud,
'No way punk! Your not
stealing my pay check and tips.'
I raised my right hand,
pointed my pistol at the man
running away from me with my
purse, and squeezed the trigger
of my pistol six times!"
When asked by the arraignment
judge, "Why did You shoot
the man six times?" the woman
replied under oath, "Because,
when I pulled the trigger of
my pistol the seventh time,
it only went click."
The woman was acquitted of all
charges. And she was back
at work, at the cafe, the next
day!
This great story is an urban
legend as verified by Snopes.com.
The defining point of the "gun
went click" tale echoes an
actual 2006 incident in which
a suspect was shot 68 times;
when asked why, said the sheriff,
"Because that's all the
bullets we had." See Snopes.com
for details at
http://www.snopes.com/crime/cops/judd.asp
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| Subj:
Philip Howard: Fixing The Legal System
From: Wimp.com on 2/24/2010 and From: TED.com (S685b) |
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The land of the free has become
a legal minefield, says
Philip K. Howard -- especially
for teachers and doctors,
whose work has been paralyzed
by fear of suits. What's
the answer? A lawyer himself,
Howard has four propos-
itions for simplifying US law.
Click on either above
source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this thoughtful,
eighteen minute video.
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Subj: Child
Support Lawsuit May Send Mom To Jail (S507c)
From: lerman on 10/8/2006
A 22-year-old New York State
woman, the mother of a 3-year-old
child, has been arrested for
filing a child support lawsuit
against the child's father and
now faces a possible 7-year
prison term.
How did this happen? She
should have paid attention in math
class.
Kimberly A. Baker of New York
State filed the lawsuit against
the 16-year-old father and in
the process provided the court
with sworn statements that she
did indeed have sex with him
4 years ago. Police quickly
realized that she had to be 18
when she became pregnant which
means the father had to have
been 13 at the time. She was
charged with statutory rape, a
felony.
North County Gazette 5-Oct-06
http://www.northcountrygazette.org/articles/100506SupportRape.html
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Subj: The
World's Worst Juror (S494b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/11/2006
It happened at a rape trial in
Snaresbrook (U.K.) county court
on an unusually warm and sultry
day. One of the jurors fell
asleep just as the victim was
being questioned by the
prosecuting counsel. "Would
you," he asked, "tell the court
precisely what the defendant
said to you before the attack?"
"No, I would not," she said.
"It was far too crude and
shocking."
"Would you be prepared to write
it down?" And she did, with
every sign of distaste (it was,
broadly speaking, a promise
that nothing in the history
of sexual congress compared with
what the rapist planned to do
to his victim), and the paper
was passed to the judge, learned
counsel, the clerk of the
court, and the jury. In
the second row, our hero slumbered
on until he was suddenly woken
by a sharp nudge from the
smiling brunette next to him.
She passed the note to him.
He read the message thereon,
gazed in wonder at his neighbour,
read it again, winked at the
woman, and slipped the note in
his pocket. When the judge
demanded the note back, the juror
refused. It was, he said,
a private matter.
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Subj:
Judge Judy (S601)
From: darrellvip on 7/14/2008 Judge to prostitute,
Prostitute, wiping away tears:
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Subj: Testifying
In A Murder Trial (S411)
From: cookpat.geo on 12/4/2004
Source: http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/sohelpme.asp
This is not a joke.
This is by a daughter of a murdered
couple in Raytown who
had a Bible and Bookstore on
63rd street.
When I had to testify at the
murder trial of my parents a
week ago, I was asked to raise
my right hand. The bailiff
started out "Do you swear to
tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?"
I stood there and waited but
she said nothing. She said "Do
you?" I was so stunned
I blurted out "What happened to 'so
help me God'?" She came
back with "Do you?" I replied yes,
but I was perplexed. Then
the judge said "you can say that
if you want to." I stopped,
raised my right hand, and finished
with "So help me God!"
I told my son and daughter that when it
came time for them to testify,
they should do the same. It's
no wonder we have so many problems
in this country. If I'd
had my wits about me I'd have
told them that taking God out of
the courtroom is only going
to result in more criminals and
murderers like him being in
there! I don't know what can be
done about it, but it's time
we stepped up and did something.
CNBC this morning had a poll
on this question. They had the
highest number of responses
that they have ever had for one
of their polls and the percentage
was the same as this: 86%
to keep the words, 14% against.
That is a pretty commanding
public response.
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Subj: Young
Man Molests Old Woman (324b, S753)
From: Grampsboyd on 4/12/2003
Court
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell
us, in your own words,
what happened to
you?
Little old Woman: There I was,
sitting there in my swing
on my front porch
on a warm spring evening, when a
young man comes
creeping up on the porch and sat
down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: It felt good.
Nobody had done that
since my Abner
passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor,
his rubbing made me
feel all alive
and excited. I haven't felt that
good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: Well, I was
feeling so spicy that I
just laid down
and said to him... "Take me ...
young man ... Take
me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little old Woman: Hell, no. He
just yelled, "April Fool!"
... And that's
when I shot the little bastard.
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Subj: Man
Charged With Two Murders (S309b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/28/2002
A man is in court for murder
and the judge says 'You are
charged with beating your wife
to death with a hammer.'
Then a voice at the back of the court says, 'you bastard.'
Then the judge continues, 'you
are also charged with
beating your daughter to death
with a hammer.'
Again the voice at the back of
the court says,
'you bastard.'
The judge says, 'now we cannot
have any more of these
outbursts from you or I shall
charge You With contempt,
now what is the problem?'
Then the man at the back of the
court says, 'fifteen years
I lived next door to that bastard
and every time I asked to
borrow a hammer he said he never
had one!'
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Subj: Short
Judge-Supp Jokes
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Subj:
Courtroom Yawner Jailed for Six Months (S662)
From: AOL News on 9/18/2009 Photo from AOL.com |
| Subj:
Man Eats Underwear (S656)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/29/2009 |
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Subj:
Maxine's Living Will (S588 in Hospital1)
From: ginafm on 4/25/2008 |
| Subj:
Jury Duty Scam (S560)
From: darrellvip on 10/9/2007 Photo from
FBI...
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From: LABLaughs.com on 1/21/2005 (S417b)
Q: What has 18 legs and 2 breasts?
A: The Supreme Court
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/23/2007 (S545b)
Q: How is a judge like an English
teacher?
A: They both hand out long sentences.
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Justice for Smiley from
Smiley_Central |