Subj:     Mailman/Etc Jokes
                 (Includes 35 jokes and articles, 21962n,15,cf,wXT3,11)

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All free Original ClipArt
Includes the following:  Mailing A Letter - Picture (S399)
.........................Humo's Milkman Commercial - Video (S758)
.........................TV Repairman And The Sexy Housewife (S87)
.........................U.S. Mail Vs Dogs - Movie (S675)
.........................Blonde Wants A Milk Bath (S117, S755)
.........................911 Call For The Postman - Video/Audio (S570c)
.........................Applying For Work At The Post Office (S471c, S633c)
.........................Milkman's Puzzle (S406)
.........................Playing "Who Am I" (S367b)
.........................What To Do With Your Junk Mail (S259b)
.........................Doggie Heaven (S532c, S614)
.........................Little Johnny Catches His Parents (S74, S735)
.........................Herman Cartoon (DU)
.........................Mailman And The Bedsheet
.........................Mailman's Last Day (S12, S474c)
.........................Letter To God At Christmas (S464)
.........................Custom Stamps (S847)
.........................Short Mailman/Etc Jokes
..............................How To Freak-out Your Garbage Collector (S896)
..............................The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S664b)
..............................Driving Dog Prank - Video (S584c)
..............................U.S. Islamic Holiday Stamp (S559)
..............................Flying Dream (S731)
..............................Lickable Stamps (S517c)
..............................Hawaii Stamps 1894 (S459b)
..............................Snail Mail (S276c)
..............................US Postal (S443b)

Also see ACCIDENT1    - 'Iraq Terrorist'
         BIRD-PARROTS - 'Parrot With No Legs'
         CHRISTMAS4   - 'Christmas, Michigan'
         COMPUT-SUPP  - 'Clean Out Your Mailbox'
         COW_SHEEP    - 'Service'
         FACTS3 file  - 'Urban Legend Exposed'
         FACTS5 file  - 'White Powder In The Mail'
         FROG file    - 'Boy Goes To Whore House With Dead Frog'
         KIDS1 file   - 'Son Says "Goodbye" To Family Members'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'Husband Shares Wife's Birth Pain'
         MOVIES file  - 'The Garbageman's Movie'
         OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'Gas/Electric Service Call'
         PILOT-SUPP   - 'Concrete Arrows'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Bill Mauldin,  World War II Cartoonist'
         VALENTINE    - 'Man Sends Out 1000 Valentines'

Subj:     Mailing A Letter (S399)
          From: Imogenelumen on 6/26/2004
Subj:     Humo's Milkman Commercial (S758d)
          From: darrellvip on 7/20/2011
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/bhIqFOEFkk0
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/5j5kzecv6CU

 This 2004 Belgian commercial directed by Vincent Bal for
 Humo magazine is resolutely unconventional.  The magazine
 is wildly independent and also provides bonuses for its
 readers.  Click 'HERE' to see this bizarre, cute, dirty

Subj:     TV Repairman And The Sexy Housewife (S87)
          From: RFSlick on 98-09-27

 The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman
 couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the
 room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at

 When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a
 . . . well . . . unusual request.  You have to first promise me
 you'll keep it a secret."

 The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind
 of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind,
 decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A
 certain disability.  Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

 The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

 "And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the
 door . . ."

 "Yes yes!"

 "Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

Subj:     U.S. Mail Vs Dogs (S675d)
          From: Wimp.com on 12/17/2009
          At: http://www.wimp.com/emailinvented/

 Click 'HERE' to see this very, cute video done with
 Christmas music.

Subj:     Blonde Wants A Milk Bath (S117, S755)
          From: RFSlick on 4/30/99
      and From: hilary.miller05 on 7/3/2011
 (Also see 'Milk Baths' in COWS/SHEEP
       and 'Mutts Comic Strip' in OTHER2-DRAWINGS)

 A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.
 She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of
 milk. When the milkman read the note he felt sure there
 must be a mistake.  He thought she probably meant 1.5
 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

 The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found
 your note to leave 15 gallons of milk.  Did you mean 15
 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

 The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons.  I'm going to fill my
 tub up with milk and take a milk bath."

 The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

 The blonde said, "No, just up to my nipples.  I can
 splash it on my eyes."

Subj:     911 Call For The Postman (S570c,d)
          From: tom on 12/9/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/wMwv7tzCL9Y

 This ad for the Washington State Lottery is very cute.
 It is an audio tape of a emergency 911 call. Click 'HERE'
 to listen.

Subj:     Applying For Work At The Post Office (S471c, S633c)
          From: thebartend on 2/1/2006
      and From: ginafm on 2/25/2009

 A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.  The
 interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

 He replies, 'Yes - caffeine.'

 Have you ever been in the military service?'

 Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

 The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points
 toward employment.'

 Then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'

 The guy says, 'Yes...an IED exploded near me and I lost
 both of my testicles.'

 The interviewer grimaces and then says, 'O.K. You've got
 enough points for me to hire you right now.  Our normal
 hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.

 You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting
 at 10:00 A.M. every day.'

 The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the work hours are from
 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here
 until 10:00 A.M.?'

 This is a government job,' the interviewer says.. 'For
 the first two hours, we just stand around drinking
 coffee and scratching our balls.  No point in you
 coming in for that.

Subj:     Milkman's Puzzle (S406d)
          Written by Sam Loyd (1841-1911)
          At: (Removed from thinks.com)

 Honest John says: "What I don't know about milk is scarcely
 worth mentioning," but he was flabbergasted one day when each
 of two ladies asked him for two quarts of milk. One lady had
 a five-quart pail and the other had a four-quart pail.  John
 had only two ten-gallon cans, each full of milk.  How did he
 measure out exactly two quarts of milk for each lady?

 It is a juggling trick pure and simple, devoid of trick or
 device, but it calls for much cleverness to get two quarts
 of milk into those two pails without making use of any
 receptacles other than the two pails and the two full cans.

 The solution can be found by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Playing "Who Am I" (S367b)
          From: LABLaughs on 2/7/2004
 (Also see 'Mailman And The Bedsheet' in this file)

 One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood
 on his usual route.  As he approaches one of the homes he
 notices that both cars are in the driveway, his wonder is
 cut short by Bob the homeowner coming out with a load of
 empty beer and liquor bottles.

 "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last
 night." The Mailman comments.

 Bob in obvious pain replies," Actually we had it Saturday
 night, this is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am
 Sunday morning."  We had about fifteen couples from around
 the neighborhood over for the Holiday cheer and got a bit
 wild.  Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we
 started playing WHO AM I."

 The Mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
 Bob continues between hung over gasps, "Well all the guys go
 in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet
 covering us and only our "units" showing through a hole in
 the sheet.  Then the women try to guess who it is."

 The Mailman laughs and says," Damn I am sorry I missed that."

 "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds," your name
 was guessed at least four or five times."

Subj:     What To Do With Your Junk Mail (S259b)
          From: gheckman on 1/10/2002

 When you get ads in your phone or utility bill, include
 them with the payment. Let them throw it away.

 When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for
 everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk
 like that, most of them come with postage paid return
 envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your
 other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes!

 Send an ad for your local dry cleaner to American Express.
 Or a pizza coupon to Citibank.  If you didn't get anything
 else that day, then just send them their application back!
 If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name
 isn't on anything you send them.  You can send it back
 empty if you want to just to keep them guessing!

 Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin
 getting all their junk back in the mail.  Let's let them
 know what it's like to get junk mail, and best of all
 THEY'RE paying for it! Twice!

 Let's help keep our postal service busy and out of bank-
 ruptct, since they say e-mail is cutting into their
 business, and that's why they need to increase postage

Subj:     Doggie Heaven (S532c, S614)
          From: darrell94590 on 4/3/2007
      and From: tom on 10/16/2008

 You can read this heart warming, true story of a San
 Antonio family who had a dog die and the response of
 their post office by clicking 'HERE'.

 This in a true story according to Snopes.com at

Subj:     Little Johnny Catches His Parents (S74, S735)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-06-28
      and From: thebartend on 7/8/2003
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

 Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle
 of the night, in search of a glass of water.  Hearing a lot
 of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks
 in The Act.  Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims
 "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

 Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable
 questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride,
 agrees.  Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.  Pretty
 soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.  Johnny cries out "Hang
 on tight, Daddy!  This is the part where me and the milkman
 usually get bucked off!"

Subj:     Herman Cartoon (DU)
          By Jim Unger on 10/3/2013
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2013/10/03
Subj:     Mailman And The Bedsheet
          From: thebartend on 98-06-12
 (Also see 'Playing "Who Am I"' in this file)

 One morning a mailman called on one of his regular customers
 and was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the
 middle hanging up in her living room.  The housewife explained
 she'd had a party the night before.  They had played a game
 called "Who's Who's," in which each of the men had put their
 equipment through the hole and the women had tried to guess
 their identity.

 "Gee, that sounds like fun," said the mailman.  "Sure wish
 I'd been there."

 "You should have been," the housewife informed him.  "Your
 name came up three times!"

Subj:     Mailman's Last Day (S12, S474c)
          From DHECKMAN on 97-04-20
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/11/2005
 (See 'The Vicar's Salary' in Preacher-Supp)

 It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35
 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to
 the same neighborhood.  When he arrived at the first house
 on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who
 roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his
 way with a tidy gift envelope.

 At the second house they presented him with a box of fine

 The folks at the third house handed him a selection of
 terrific fishing lures.

 At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly
 beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.  She took him by
 the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed
 behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where
 she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever
 experienced.  When he had had enough they went downstairs,
 where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
 sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange
 juice.  When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of
 steaming coffee.  As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
 bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

 "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but
 what's  the dollar for?"

 "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that
 today would be your last day, and that we should do some-
 thing special for you.  I asked him what to give you.  He
 said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'

 The breakfast was my idea."

Subj:     Letter To God At Christmas (S464)
          From: rfslick on 12/12/2005

 One day at the post office (Australia Post here) one of the
 sorters comes across a letter addressed 'To God, care of
 heaven'. Of course, the poor guy didn't know where to send
 it, there was no postcode or anything, so finally, he decided
 to open it. He carefully opened the envelope and read the

 Dear God,
 I am an 83 year old widow, living on a small pension. Yesterday
 someone stole my purse.  It had $100 in it, which was all the
 money I had until my next pension check.  Next Sunday is
 Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.
 Without that money I have nothing to buy food with.  I have no
 family to turn to, and you are my only hope.  Can You please
 help me?


 The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the
 other workers.  Each one dug into his or her wallet and came
 up with a few dollars.  By the time he had made the rounds, he
 had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to
 the woman.

 The rest of the day the workers felt a warm glow thinking of
 Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
 Christmas came and went.

 A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God.
 All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

 Dear God:

 How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?  Because
 of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my
 friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your
 wonderful gift.

 By the way, there was $4 missing.  I think it must have been those
 thieving bastards at the Post Office, but you know what robbin'
 mongrels they are in that Australia Post.

Subj:     Custom Stamps (S847)
          Source: http://Zazzle.com/stamps
. ..
..If you go to the above source, you can buy 20 custom stamps for $23.95.

Subj:     Short Mailman Jokes

Subj:     How To Freak-out Your Garbage Collector 
          Submitted by oPHILcial (S896d)
 Source1: http://lolsnaps.com/news/93061/0/
 Source2: http://imgur.com/gallery/OLCm9Zs
 Click 'HERE' to see a photo on how to freak-out your garbage collector.

Subj:     The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S664b)
          by Glenn and Gary McCoy on 9/28/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/theflyingmccoys/2009/09/28
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon.

Subj:     Driving Dog Prank (S584c,d)
          From: RDobry on 4/1/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/3Ueg7Q7hO7U
 This postal dog not only delivers your mail, but he drives
 and gives directions!  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     U.S. Islamic Holiday Stamp (S559)
          From: rfslick
          on 10/5/2007
 A U.S. postage stamp commemorates the Islamic holidays of
 Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha.  You can see the stamp and
 read the artilce on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Flying Dream (S731)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 1/7/2011
 When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot.  Flying
 higher, faster, farther.  Risking my life for the science
 of aviation.  But when I grew up I found out I wasn't
 qualified because of my poor eyesight.  Now I work in a
 post office which gives me many of the same thrills.

 I'm always pushing the envelope!

Subj:     Lickable Stamps (S517c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/11/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 I got rid of that damned Pitney-Bowes machine and am back to
 licking my stamps.  You can view these stamps by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Hawaii Stamps 1894 (S459b)
          From: igiggle
          on 11/9/2005
 Source: http://www.hawaiianstamps.com
     and http://www.hawaiianstamps.com/pictorial.html
 The above site is a massive collection of Hawaiian stamps.
 I hope you find it as interesting as I did.

Subj:     Snail Mail (S276c)
          From: jerry on 11/25/2001
 UK Post Office officials say that snails have become hooked
 on the taste of saliva and glue on envelopes and have been
 getting inside post boxes and destroying letters.  Hundreds
 of boxes are being fitted with snail excluders.

 "They were leaving slime everywhere, getting into the
 letters, licking the paste," says a Post Office spokesperson.

 The Guardian (UK) via Ananova (UK) 10-Nov-01

Subj:     US Postal (S443b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/13/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 This silly postal sign can be viewed by clicking 'HERE'.

 Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough
 postage on aletter bomb. It came back with "return to sender"
 stamped on it. You guessed it,  he opened it and said a fond
 farewell to his face.

 Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
 Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
 Avoid mailmen, they're carriers

From: ossama on 99-01-27
 Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

From: ossama on 3/22/99 (S113)
 Researchers say they have been able to slow down the speed of light.
 Know how they do it? They take a beam of light, and they aim it
 through a post office. (Leno)

From: KMacinty on 6/4/99
 If walking is so good for you, then why
 does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??

From: igiggle on 12/13/2005 (S463b - quotes-comed-supp)
 Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them
 in time for Christmas.  -- Johnny Carson

From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134, S322b)
and From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003
 Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office
    is flying at half mast?
 A: They're hiring.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/9/2005 (S420b)
 Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
 A: A dairy queen

                           -(o o)-
.............................From Smiley_Central