Subj: Police-Supp Jokes
(Includes 48 jokes and articles, 20832,32,cf)
Click "Here" for Police-Supp2
Police with Wistle
from
UselessGraphics.com
| >>>
Subj: Police-Supp Jokes (Includes 48 jokes and articles, 20832,32,cf)
Click "Here" for Police-Supp2
|
|
Police with Wistle
|
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| Subj:
The Super Cop (S709b)
From: FunniestStuff.net on 8/14/2010 |
 |
Imagine the world's greatest
cop facing three bank robbers.
Click on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this
silly, cute video.
\\\//
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Subj: Retired
Gentleman Stopped By Police (S727)
From: darrellvip on 12/21/2010
A retired gentleman is stopped
by the police around 1 AM
and is asked where he is going
at this time of night. The
man replies, "I am going to
a lecture about alcohol abuse
and the effects it has on the
human body."
The officer then asks, "Really?
Who is giving that
lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Hamilton Police Shooting Video (S697b)
From: tom on 5/26/2010 Photo from YouTube.com |
Dashboard video from a January
traffic stop in Hamilton,
Montana. The Hamilton
Police Officer, Ross Jessop, pulls
over a car driven by Raymond
Thane Davis. Officer Jessop
asks a few questions.
Davis pulls a gun on the officer,
pointing it inches from Jessop's
face and pulling the
trigger. You can hear
The click of the revolvers hammer
hitting a previously fired round
on the tape. Davis then
fires a shot at Officer Jessop.
The second round was live, but
Officer Jessop had since
recovered and made a strategic
move to the rear of the
vehicle, buying more time and
a much more advantageous
position for a firefight.
He tossed his flashlight so
he could use both hands for
better gun control, and
opened fire on the suspect as
he sped away. His aim
looked very controlled, and
was obviously very much in
the ballpark. The suspect
was hit at least once, crashed
into a power pole, and was declared
dead at the scene.
A coroners jury ruled Tuesday
that Hamilton Police Officer
Ross Jessop was justified in
shooting Raymond Thane Davis
to death after the Hamilton
man opened fire during the late
night traffic stop in January.
It took the six-woman jury one
hour to make its ruling
following nearly five hours
of testimony, which included a
videotape that showed Davis
pointing a pistol inches from
Jessops face and pulling the
trigger.
Click on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this
all too real fifty-six second
video.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Feds' Deconfliction (S695b)
From: kgilmour2000 on 5/8/2010 |
 |
This is a funny clip about different
members of our
national security going after
a "Terrorist." Click
on the above source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
this all-to-real video.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
The 23 Most Recent Arrests In Your City (S681b)
From: rdobry on 1/27/2010 Drawing from LABLaughsAdult |
Click on the above source for
the 23 most recent arrest
records in your city for free
and a map of the crime locations.
\\\//
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Subj: Police
Harassment In Chula Vista (S675)
From: allenbergman on 12/24/2009
Source: http://randysbusylife.blogspot.com/2009
........./12/police-harassment-in-chula-vista.html
Recently, the Chula Vista, California
Police Department
ran an e-mail forum (a question
and answer exchange)
with the topic being, "Community
Policing."
One of the civilian e-mail participants
posed the
following question, "I would
like to know how it is
possible for police officers
to continually harass
people and get away with it?"
From the "other side" (the law
enforcement side) Sgt.
Bennett, obviously a cop with
a sense of humor replied:
"First of all, let me tell you
this... it's not easy.
In Chula Vista, we average one
cop for every 600 people.
Only about 60% of those cops
are on general duty (or
what you might refer to as "patrol")
where we do most
of our harassing. The
rest are in non-harassing
departments that do not allow
them contact with the day
to day innocents. At any
given moment, only one-fifth
of the 60% patrollers are on
duty and available for
harassing people while the rest
are off duty. So
roughly, one cop is responsible
for harassing about
5,000 residents. When
you toss in the commercial
business, and tourist locations
that attract people
from other areas, sometimes
you have a situation where
a single cop is responsible
for harassing 10,000 or
more people a day.
Now, your average ten-hour shift
runs 36,000 seconds
long. This gives a cop
one second to harass a person,
and then only three-fourths
of a second to eat a donut
AND then find a new person to
harass. This is not an
easy task. To be honest,
most cops are not up to this
challenge day in and day out.
It is just too tiring.
What we do is utilize some tools
to help us narrow down
those people which we can realistically
harass.
The tools available to us are as follows:
PHONE: People will call us up
and point out things that
cause us to focus on a person
for special harassment.
"My neighbor is beating his
wife" is a code phrase used
often. This means we'll
come out and give somebody some
special harassment.
Another popular one: "There's
a guy breaking into a
house." The harassment
team is then put into action.
CARS: We have special cops assigned
to harass people who
drive. They like to harass
the drivers of fast cars,
cars with no insurance or no
driver's licenses and the
like. It's lots of fun
when you pick them out of traffic
for nothing more obvious than
running a red light. Some-
times you get to really heap
the harassment on when you
find they have drugs in the
car, they are drunk, or have
an outstanding warrant on file.
RUNNERS: Some people take off
running just at the sight
of a police officer. Nothing
is quite as satisfying as
running after them like a beagle
on the scent of a bunny.
When you catch them you can
harass them for hours.
STATUTES: When we don't have
PHONES or CARS and have
nothing better to do, there
are actually books that give
us ideas for reasons to harass
folks. They are called
"Statutes"; Criminal Codes,
Motor Vehicle Codes, etc...
They all spell out all sorts
of things for which you can
really mess with people.
After you read the statute,
you can just drive around for
awhile until you find some-
one violating one of these listed
offenses and harass
them. Just last week I
saw a guy trying to steal a car.
Well, there's this book we have
that says that's not
allowed. That meant I
got permission to harass this guy.
It's a really cool system that
we've set up, and it works
pretty well. We seem to
have a never-ending supply of
folks to harass. And we
get away with it. Why? Because
for the good citizens who pay
the tab, we try to keep the
streets safe for them, and they
pay us to "harass" some
people.
Next time you are in my town,
give me the old "single
finger wave." That's another
one of those codes. It
means, "You can't harass me."
It's one of our favorites.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Underwear Cops (S575c)
From: rfslick on 1/18/2008 |
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Lawyer
Runs A Stop Sign (S608b)
From: tom on 9/1/2008
Only in Texas my friends... Only in Texas ..... Too bad......
A lawyer runs a stop sign and
gets pulled over by a sheriff's
deputy. He thinks that
he is smarter than the deputy because
he is a lawyer from New York
and is certain that he has a
better education then any cop
from Houston, Texas. He
decides to prove this to himself
and have some fun at the
Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says,' License and registration, please.'
'What for?' says the lawyer.
The deputy says, 'You didn't
come to a complete stop at the
stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete
stop, Says the deputy.
License and registration, please.'
The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to
come to complete stop, that's
the law License and registration,
please!' the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, 'If you can show
me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give
you my license and registration;
and you give me the ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't
give me the ticket.'
'That sounds fair. Please
exit your vehicle, sir,' the
deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes
out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of
the lawyer and says, 'Do you want
me to stop, or just slow down?'
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Police Stop A DUI (S501)
From: edapsmas on 8/22/2006 |
 |
Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009 |
 |
Subj:
Dashboard Camera (S582c)
From: tom on 3/11/2008 |
This video from a police car's
dashboard camera is cute.
Click 'HERE'
to view it.
.
|
Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009 |
 |
Subj:
Dashboard Camera II (S617c)
From: gattica30 on 11/1/2008 and From: tom on 11/5/2008 |
The original title of this video
was "How to turn a
speeding ticket into jail time."
Click 'HERE' to
learn how this can be done.
\\\//
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Subj: Sixteen
Police Comments (S533)
From: rfslick on 4/10/2007
Sixteen Police Comments were
taken off actual police car
videos around the country
#16 "You know, stop lights don't
come any redder than the
one you just
went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are
tight because they're new,
they'll stretch
after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off
the car, I'll make your
birth certificate
a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than
1200 feet per second?
Because that's
the speed of the bullet that'll
be chasing
you."
#11 "You don't know how fast
you were going? I guess
that means
I can write anything I want to on the
ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to
the shift supervisor,
but I don't
think it will help. Oh, did I mention
that I'm
the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want
a warning? O.K., I'm warning
you
not to do that again or I'll give you another
ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last
question will determine
whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a
cat or a
dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me
to be fair? Listen, fair is
a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
candy
and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota.
Two more tickets and my
wife gets
a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas
anymore. We used to,
but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we
can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief
(of Police) Hawker is a
personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who
can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
#1 "You didn't think we give
pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't.
Sign here."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Officer Stops Traffic For Ducks (S592b)
From: ginafm on 5/24/2008 |
 |
Raw video: Lakewood Police Officer
Dustin Carrell stopped
traffic on westbound SR-512
Monday morning near I-5 to
help a mother duck and her ducklings
safely cross the road.
You can view the video at the
above source, or on my site
by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
The "Most Wanted" List Explained (S614b)
From: gattica30 on 10/13/2008 . Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnny's kindergarten
class was on a field trip to
their local police station where
they saw pictures tacked
to a bulletin board of the 10
most wanted criminals. One
of the youngsters pointed to
a picture and asked if it
really was the photo of a wanted
person. 'Yes,' said the
policeman. 'The detectives
want very badly to capture him.'
Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't
you keep him when you took
his picture?'
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Secret Service Code Names (S617)
From: CKButch4Femme on 11/5/2008 Photo from ZTEKnologies.com |
This article from the Washington
Post, written during
the primaries, explains the
use of "Code Names" used by
the Secret Service to protect
the President and the
presidential candidates.
Click 'HERE' and learn how
President-Elect Barack Obama
got the tag: "Renegade."
\\\//
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Subj: Wyoming
State Police Story (S519)
From: jokes on 12/22/2006
In most of the northern states,
there is a policy of checking
on any stalled vehicle on the
highway when the temperatures
drop down to single digits or
below.
About 3 AM, one very cold morning,
a state police officer
responded to a call there was
a car off the shoulder of the
road outside Casper. He
located the car, stuck in deep snow,
and with the engine still running.
Pulling in behind the car with
his emergency lights on, the
officer walked to the driver's
door to find an older man
passed out behind the wheel
with a nearly empty vodka bottle
on the seat beside him.
The driver came awake when the officer tapped on the window.
Seeing the rotating lights in
his rearview mirror, and the
state policeman standing next
to his car, the man panicked.
He jerked the gearshift into
'drive' and hit the gas. The
car's speedometer was showing
20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but
it was still stuck in the snow,
wheels spinning.
The policeman, having a sense
of humor, began running in
place next to the speeding,
but still stationary car. The
driver was totally freaked,
thinking the officer was actually
keeping up with him. This
goes on for about 30 seconds, then
the officer yelled at the man
to 'Pull over!'
The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.
Needless to say, the man from
Casper was arrested, and is
probably still shaking his head
over the state patrolman who
could run 50 miles per hour.
Who says policemen don't have a sense of humor?
.
|
Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009 |
You can read the same story in
a newspaper article
by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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| Subj:
The Copper Clapper Caper (S485, S743)
From: LABLaughsClean (in Quotes-Comed-Supp) on 5/3/2006 |
 |
This is the excellent Tonight
Show skit done by Jack Webb and
Johnny Carson in 1968.
You can view it at the source above, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Police
Stop Old Lady w/Garbage Bags (S502)
From: darrell94590 on 9/7/2006
A little old lady is walking
down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her,
one in each hand. There's a
hole in one of the bags,
and every once in a while a $20
bill flies out of it onto the
pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops
her... "Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that
bag..."
"Damn!" says the little
old lady.... "I'd better go back
and see if I can still find
some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says
the cop. "How did you get
all that money? "Did you steal
it?"
"Oh, no," says the little
old lady. "You see, my back yard
backs up to the parking lot
of the football stadium. Each
time there's a game, a lot of
fans come and pee in the
bushes, right into my flower
beds!
"So, I go and stand behind the
bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone
sticks his little thingie
through the bushes, I say: '$20
or off it comes!'"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs
the cop. "OK, good luck. By
the way, what's in the other
bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
\\\//
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Subj: Carjackers
Couldn't Drive Manual (S626b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/8/2009
Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2008/11/18/Police
........_Carjackers_couldnt_drive_manual/UPI-70821227041777/
KANSAS CITY, Mo., Nov. 18 (UPI)
-- Police in Kansas City, Mo.,
said attempted carjackers were
forced to abort their theft
when the vehicle turned out
to have a manual transmission.
Investigators said two males,
an adult and a juvenile,
approached a woman sitting in
her car outside of a store
at about 11 p.m. Monday and
one of the suspects pointed a
gun at the woman, The Kansas
City (Mo.) Star reported.
 |
The suspects ordered the
woman to hand over her
cell phone and exit the car, police said. However, officers said the suspects exited the car quickly after attempting to drive off because they were unable to work the manual transmission. Photo from DumbCriminals.com |
\\\//
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Subj: Suspect
Shocks Officer w/Own Taser (S496b)
From: jerry on 7/23/2006
Source: http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/mld/sunnews/15069712.htm
Associated Press
FLORENCE, S.C. - Steve Lee Menius,
30, was arrested at his
home Tuesday after police arrived
with a warrant for violating
his probation.
While being driven to the Darlington
County jail in the back
of the police car, Menius managed
to get his hands out of his
handcuffs and tried to climb
in the front seat, Hartsville
Police Chief Tim Kemp said.
During the struggle, Menius grabbed
the officer's Taser and
shocked him, Kemp said.
The officer pulled to the side of
the road and got out of the
cruiser to continue to fight with
Menius, who then jumped back
inside the car and drove off,
Kemp said.
Police chased Menius briefly,
and he was arrested again when
he jumped from the cruiser after
a train blocked his way,
police said. Menius has
also been charged with assaulting
a law enforcement officer and
failing to stop for a blue light.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Police Shooting (S628b)
From: allenbergman on 1/20/2009 |
 |
This looks like a police training
video, but it is still
interesting to compare what
we see to what is actually
happening.
Watch the video and what do you
see! Officers ordering
the suspect to put the gun down
and it appears he is
complying and then shot!
Is that what you see? Why
would they shoot him after he
put the gun down? Maybe
the other officer came around
the corner and didn't hear
the cop telling him to put the
gun down? Now click 'HERE'
and see the video.
\\\//
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Subj: Drug
Theft Gone Wrong (S493, S638c)
From: darrell94590 on 7/6/2006
and
From: gattica30 on 3/30/2009
A news article from a Florida Newspaper:
When Nathan Radlich's house was
burgled, thieves left his
TV, his VCR, and even left his
watch. What they did take
was "generic white cardboard
box filled with grayish-white
powder." (That at least is the
way the police described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale
police said "that it
looked similar to cocaine and
they'd probably thought they'd
hit the big time."
Then Nathan stood in front of
the TV cameras and pleaded
with the burglars: "Please return
the cremated remains of
my sister, Gertrude. She died
three years ago."
Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled
corpse of a drug
dealer known as Hoochie Pevens
was found on Nathan's doorstep.
The cardboard box was there
too; about half of Gertrude's
ashes remained. And there
was this note. It said: "Hoochie
sold us the bogus blow, so we
wasted Hoochie. Sorry we
snorted your sister.
This is a wonderful story rewritten
from an urban legend. To
read the original true story
go to Snopes.com at
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.htm
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
3 Ways To Fail A Drunk Test (S668)
From: tom on 10/27/2009 |
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my file, to see
these three drunks fail their
tests. Viewer beware, the
third test is a bit liquidy
in nature.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Orange County Police Pursuit (S770)
From: Treasures Once Lost on 10/14/2011 |
 |
RANCHO SANTA MARGARITA, Calif.
-- On Friday, April 10, 2009
the Long Beach police received
a call of a woman screaming.
When officers arrived, a woman
attempted to ram the police
vehicle three times and started
the pursuit on city streets.
After a brief chase through Long
Beach, the woman got on the
22 Freeway. CHP officers
took over the pursuit that spanned
over four freeways, including
the eastbound 91 and southbound
SR 241.
At one point, the suspect drove
onto a grassy area off the
southbound 241 toll road, drove
in circles, drove in the wrong
directions, and even got out
of the car to gesture at officers.
Police attempted to stop the
car with a pit maneuver, causing
the Scion to spin out, but the
driver kept going, despite the
bumper falling off.
After nearly hour-long high speed
pursuit at times topped
100 miles an hour, police were
able to box the car in with
patrol cars on the 241 at Oso
Parkway in Rancho Santa Margarita.
Click on Source1, or 'HERE'
for my copy to see a very cute
fifty-seven second version of
the pursuit. Or click on
Source2 to see the seven minute
full version of the arrest.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Police Jokes
 |
Subj:
Staying Cool On The Job (S696b)
From: tom on 5/20/2010 |
| Subj:
Traffic Stop On An Elderly Lady (S776)
From: Rosie Switzer on 11/27/2011 Drawing
from CartoonStock.com...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
Benicia Herald Police Blotter (S676)
From: Phone calls to Benicia Police Dept. Police blotter from Cleveland.com |
| Subj:
Man Pleads Guilty To DWI In La-Z-Boy
From: johnpatten on 10/26/2009 (S668) Photo from
MPRNewsQ...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
Taking A Picture Scam (S659b)
From: gattica30 on 8/27/2009 Photo from OnProductionManagement.net |
| Subj:
6-Year-Old Crashes Car (S629c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/12/2009 Photo
from WashingtonPost...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
Betting With Weed (S626b)
From YouTube.com on 1/8/2009 Photo from YouTube.com |
| Subj:
Man Kills Self With Chain Saw
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/1/2008 (S612c) |
 |
 |
Subj:
Awesome New Radar System (S595b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/12/2008 Photo from YouTube |
| Subj:
Son Of A Bitch (S581b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/7/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Woman Fights Robber, Cops Have to Rescue Him! (S577b)
From: rfslick on 1/29/2008 |
| Subj:
Redneck Lawnmower Beer Run (S576b)
From: AFine963 (in Redneck-supp) on 1/24/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Steve's Second Lawnmower DUI (S633c)
From: tom (in Redneck-supp) on 2/25/2009 |
In 2005 Steve got arrested for
drunk lawnmower driving.
You can watch this video by
clicking on the above story.
| Subj:
Old Marijuana Sign (S548b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/17/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Negotiations - Japanese Style (S529 in Asian)
From: darrell94590 on 3/9/2007 |
Top
Subj: Police
Find Body In Park (S527)
From: darrell94590 on 2/25/2007
Today local police found a man's
body in a park nearby.
They describe him as having
a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls,
Wrinkly Ass and a Small Wiener.
.
.
.
Let me know if you're OK.
| Subj:
Bumpkeys (S525c)
From: darrell94590 on 2/9/2007 |
 |
This first video will give you
an introduction that was aired
on a news program at http://www.peiferlock.com/alert-bump-keys.htm
This second video is from a company
who will sell you a key to
open any lock of a certain kind
for about $3.00
http://www.bumpkey.us/Bump-Key-Videos-sp-1.html
This third video is a one hour
movie which explains why bumping
works at http://connectmedia.waag.org/toool/21c.wmv
I verified that lock bumping
is a real threat at Snopes.com
at http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/bumpkeys.asp
 |
Subj:
A Good Answer By Sheriff Judd (S575)
From: gordonschuk on 1/12/2008 |
\\\//
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 |
Police with Stick comes from
darrell94590@sbcglobal.net on 4/17/2006 |
