.
.
Subj:     Soldier2 Jokes
                 (Includes 58 jokes and articles, 03994,4,cf,5wYT3,2)

          Click 'HERE' got Soldier-Supp
          Click 'HERE' got Soldier-Supp2
 


Smoking Gun from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Memorial Day 2013 (S851 in Supp2)
.........................Bob Hope's Christmas w/Troops - Video(S934 in Supp2)
.........................World War II Veteran Shares His Story - Video (S856 -Supp2)
.........................Andrews Sisters - Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy - Vid (S880-Sup2)
.........................FREEDOM IS NOT FREE | A Soldier's Pledge - Video (S851-Sp2)
.........................James Arness in WWII (S460b in Supp2)
.........................Buffalo Soldiers National Museum - Video (S994 in Supp2)
.........................Just A Common Soldier - Poem (S850 in Supp2)
.........................The Tootsie Roll Story During The Korean War - Vid(S853-S2)
.........................Kilroy Was Here (S849 in Supp2)
.........................British vs French Uniforms (S323b, S776 in Supp2)
.........................Japanese Sign Final Surrender - Video (S833 in Supp2)
.........................Honor at Last for Roy P - Video (S831 in Supp2)
.........................The Great Escape - Tunnel Revealed (S828 in Supp2)
.........................Soldiers' Angels - May No Soldier Go Unloved (S825 - Supp2)
.........................Hero's Welcome - Video (S824 in Supp2)
.........................Wisdom - From The Military (S519b in Supp2)
.........................KISS Concert In Iraq - Video (S787 in Supp2)
.........................Monopoly Aided WWII POWs Escape (S810 in Supp2)
.........................VJ Day, Honolulu Hawaii, August 14, 1945 - Vid (S757-Supp2)
.........................Ballad of the Queen Berets - Video (S736 in Supp2)
.........................Little-Known WWII Facts/Trivia (S735 in Supp2)
.........................Requesting A Three Day Pass (S743 in Supp2)
.........................Beautiful Female Military Around the World-PPS/Vid(S728-S2)
.........................A Remarkable Experience In WWII - Video (S711 in Supp2)
.........................Bill Mauldin,  World War II Cartoonist (S700 in Supp2)
.........................ER Doctors Discusses Vets (S172 in Supp2)
.........................
.........................The Shadow On The Wall - Drawing/Poem (S938 in Supp)
.........................Soldiers Surprising Their Loved Ones - Video (S697 in Supp)
.........................The Last Viewing - Video (S943 in Supp)
.........................Laws Of Combat (S299b in Supp)
.........................Dog Freaks Out Over Soldier's Return - Video (S696 in Supp)
.........................A Pittance Of Time - Video/Song (S615 in Supp)
.........................The Best Commercial Ever - Video (S507 in Supp)
.........................Murphy's Military Laws... (S509c in Supp)
.........................If I Die Before You Wake - Video/Song (S599)
.........................The Monsters And The Weak - Poem (S504c in Supp)
.........................Lizzie Palmer's Remember Me - Video (S542b in Supp)
.........................Letter From Wellington (S472b in Supp)
.........................Picking off the Taliban - Video (S621b in Supp)
.........................Busy Radio Operator In Korea (S469b in Supp)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S632c)
.........................New Colonel's First Day (S445b in Supp)
.........................Military T-Shirt (S479b in Supp)
.........................New Elite Fighting Force (S443b in Supp)
.........................
.........................To The Veteran (S351)
.........................Sears And The Army Reservists (S383)
.........................'Star Wars' Soldier Of the Future (S331)
.........................The Lee Marvin Story (S299)
.........................The Lee Marvin Story Is An Urban Legends (S300)
.........................Coming Home (S509)
.........................Two Enemy Soldiers Meet (S280)
.........................Military Retaliation (S276c)
.........................Definition of 'Unlawful Combatant' (S261b)
.........................The War (S250b in attached file)
.........................Soldier At Front Gets 'Dear John' Letter (S309)
.........................Soldier At Front Gets 'Dear John' Letter2 - PPS (S486b)
.........................Redneck Joins The Army (S290b)
.........................Marine Salutes Bush (S215)
.........................Three Generals Retire (S201, S400)
.........................Hanoi Jane (S160)
.........................Special Camouflage Unit (S176)
.........................Military Type Quotes
.........................Memorial Day Quotations (S226)
.........................Short Soldier Jokes
..............................Southpark: Killing Ben Laden - Video (S744 in Supp2)
..............................Veteran's Day School Note (S876 in Supp2)
..............................Doonesbury Comic Strip (S702b in Supp2)
..............................Quote On Truman Firing MacArthur (S699b in Supp2)
..............................
..............................Peanuts Comic Strip (S699b in Supp)
..............................DEKA Bionic Arm - Video (S682b in Supp)
..............................22 WWII Posters (S666 in Supp)
..............................The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S642b in Supp)
..............................The MRE Date (S639 in Supp)
..............................Beetle Bailey II (S612b in Supp)
..............................US Military Humor (S612b in Supp)
..............................A Mountain Man In Basic Training (S504b in Supp)
..............................Beetle Bailey Comic Strip (S603b in Supp)
..............................Off-Base Housing (S470 in Supp)
..............................Colin Powell At A Conference (S601 in Supp)
..............................Laser Cannon (S587b in Supp)
..............................Letter From A US Soldier In Iraq (S583 in Supp)
..............................Arlington at Christmas (S568 in Supp)
..............................8 Unusual Old Pictures (S560 in Supp)
..............................New Terrorist Trick (S556 in Supp)
..............................Home Of The Brave (S556 in Supp)
..............................Grass Grows In Iraq (S553 in Supp)
..............................A Prayer For Our Soldiers (S548c in Supp)
..............................National Guard Call-Up Letter (S488 in Supp)
..............................Camouflage Jacket (S536 in Supp)
..............................Becoming An Airborn Soldier (S531b in Supp)
..............................Soldier's Funeral In Texas (S525c in Supp)
..............................America's Army (S517b in Supp)
..............................Troops Reply To Sen. Kerry (S511 in Supp)
..............................Afghan Helicopter Photo (S505b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Troop Death Rate In Iraq (S427b)
..............................Site For Sending Care Packages To Troops (S368)
..............................The Infantry Man (S357)
..............................New Medal - Photo (S352b)
..............................Weapons Of Mass Destruction (S336b)
..............................Jessica Lynch Story (S329)
..............................The Photo 'Saddam's Crib' (S325b)
..............................Peace Poem
..............................British Forces Test Fire Weapons (S319)
..............................USMC Bumper Sticker (S318)
..............................Army Work Party (S270b)
..............................Drill Sergent Chews Out Cadets (S174)
..............................Soldier With Hurt Foot
..............................Parachute Jump
..............................Pissing At Urnal

============================================================Top
Subj:     To The Veteran (S351)
          From: RFSlick2 on 10/22/2003

 (See 'What Is A Veteran?' and 'The Infantry Man' in SOLDIER2)
 
It is the VETERAN, not the preacher, 
who has given us freedom of religion. 

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter, 
who has given us freedom of the press. 

It is the VETERAN, not the poet, 
who has given us freedom of speech. 

It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer, 
who has given us freedom to assemble. 

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer, 
who has given us the right to a fair trial. 

It is the VETERAN, not the politician, 
Who has given us the right to vote.

..Top
Subj:     Sears And The Army Reservists (S383)
          From: RFSlick on 6/1/2004

 I assume you have all see the reports about how Sears is
 treating its reservist employees who are activated to duty?
 By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and
 available, but nothing more.  Usually, people take a big
 pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being activated ..
 Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and
 maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and
 bonus programs, for all activated to duty reservist
 employees for up to two years.

 I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and
 should be recognized for its contribution.  I suggest we
 all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell
 them why we are there so the company gets the positive
 reinforcement it well deserves.

 Pass it on.

 The story is true as checked at
 http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/sears.asp

..Top
Subj:     'Star Wars' Soldier Of the Future (S331)
          From: jerry on 6/2/2003 (in Soldier2_War)

 To see the Star Wars imperial soldier-like "scorpion
 ensemble" battle uniform being developed by the U.S.
 Army for 2011 go to my site by clicking 'Here'.

 The uniforms will:
Monitor vial signs
Plug into a massive satellite network, unmanned planes
       and robotic vehicles
Come with built-in tourniquets that might be tightened
       and loosened remotely
Have a helmet with tiny built-in cameras for spotting
       people in the dark or concealed by bushes which will
       project the images semi transparently to the soldier
Provide maps, global-positioning coordinates and other
       location data, and
Be able to identify friends and foes

Red Nova 1-Jun-03

..Top
Subj:     The Lee Marvin Story (S299)
          From: RFSlick on 10/21/2002

 Captain Kangaroo turned 75 recently, which is odd, because
 he's never looked a day under 75. (Birthday 6/27/27)
 It reminded me of the following story.  Hope you enjoy it
 as much as I did.

 Some people have been a bit offended that Lee Marvin is
 buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at
 Arlington National Cemetery.  His marker gives his name,
 rank (PVT) and service (SSMC).  Nothing else.  Here's a
 guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time,
 why the heck does he rate burial with these guys?

 Well, following is the amazing answer:

 I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of
 his Corps experiences.  In a time when many Hollywood
 stars served their country in the armed forces, often in
 rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected,
 only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war
 bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero.  He won
 the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima.  There is only one higher Naval
 award... the Medal Of Honor.

 If that is a surprising comment on the true character of
 the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show
 of bravery.

 Dialog >From The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: His guest
 was Lee Marvin.

 Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware
 that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima...
 and that during the course of that action you earned the
 Navy Cross and were severely wounded."

 "Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the ass and they gave
 me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up
 Suribachi... bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain
 is guys gettin' shot hauling you down.  But Johnny, at Iwo
 I served under the bravest man I ever knew...  We both got
 the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made
 mine look cheap in comparison.  The dumb bastard actually
 stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move
 forward and get the hell off the beach.  That Sergeant and
 I have been lifelong friends.  When they brought me off
 Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and
 passed it to me lying on my belly on the litter and said,
 'Where'd they get you Lee?'  And I said: Well Bob... if
 you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!

 Johnny, I'm not lying... Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest
 man I ever knew..... Bob Keeshan... You and the world know
 him as Captain Kangaroo."

..Top
Subj:     The Lee Marvin Story Is An Urban Legends (S300)
          From: Dan_Dwyer on 10/28/2002

 (See 'The Ultimate Urban Legend' in STORIES)

 ...I HATE urban legends that distort the facts about people
 and institutions that can't set the record straight for
 themselves.  The Lee Marvin Story is a case in point.  Even
 though it is complimentary to both Marvin and Keeshan, it's
 still BULLSHIT, and I'm sure that both men would be appalled
 by it.

 Marvin WAS shot in the butt during WWII, but it was on on
 Saipan.  He got a purple heart, but no Navy Cross.  Keeshan
 was still in Marine Boot Camp when the bomb was dropped on
 Hiroshima; he never saw combat.

 I'm not writing this just to rant; I have a suggestion.  Are
 you familiar with ?www.snopes2.com>? It's a very reliable
 website that researches e-hoaxes, urban legends, and other
 crap that makes the rounds on the internet.  It has an
 excellent search engine, and it usually only takes a few
 minutes to get the real scoop on stories like this one....

 Thanks Dan for correcting me.  At your suggestion I went to
 www.snopes2.com, the Urban Legends References Pages, and
 with in a few clicks, found the Lee Marvin Legend.

From: tnkr@pacbell.net on 10/27/2002
 Oh darn,

 I loved this story!!!!

 However, it appears that it is only one of the email hoaxes.

 http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/keeshan.htm

 Becky

..Top
Subj:     Coming Home (S509 in Plane1)
..........From: darrell94590 on 10/19/2006

 This story with pictures is so powerful, I cried.  You
 can view it on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

..Top
Subj:     Two Enemy Soldiers Meet (S280)
          From: twistedhumor.com on 10/2/2000

 A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi
 border.  To their surprise, they found the badly mangled
 dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.  A
 short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled
 American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road,
 who was still barely alive.  They ran to him, cradled his
 blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

 "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed
 to the teeth.  I came across this heavily armed Iraqi
 border guard.  I looked him right in the eye and shouted,
 "Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!"
 He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill
 Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!"

 "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

..Top
Subj:     Military Retaliation (S276c)
          From: RFSlick on 11/25/2001

 What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone
 about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in
 retaliation:

 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force
    is appropriate.
 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"
 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of -
    "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths,
    which would be awful and we should not cause more
    violence."
 4. When he's in mid-sentence, punch him in the face
    as hard as you can.
 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that
    it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to
    strike you, because that would be awful and he
    should not cause more violence.
 6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to
    commit additional violence.
 7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
    Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that
    sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

..Top
Subj:     Definition of 'Unlawful Combatant' (S261b)
..........From: jerry on 1/29/2002

 According to U.S. Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, the Taliban
 and al Qaeda fighters being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba,
 are not prisoners of war but "unlawful combatants."

 So, what's the difference and why?

 Prisoners of war are entitled to the protections of the
 1949 Geneva Convention while unlawful combatants do not
 qualify.  Only those who play war by the accepted rules
 of war, as outlined by the convention, qualify for these
 protections.

 To be compliant, one must fight for a military organization
 satisfying these four requirements:

 ?Commanded by a person responsible for his subordinates,

 ?Having a fixed distinctive sign recognizable at a distance,

 ?Carrying arms openly

 ? Conducting operations in accordance with the laws and
   customs of war.

 While the al Qaeda failed to meet any four, the Taliban
 fighters failed to meet the last three.

 So what do they lose?  They can have military tribunal
 trials.  They do not get to have civilian trials.  Military
 tribunals are more irregular.  Unlawful combatants are not
 entitled to the substantive and procedural protections that
 a prisoner of war would get.  They are not entitled to
 repatriation (return to their country).

 Other consequences appear in the original story.

 FindLaw 23-Jan-02

..Top
Subj:     The War (S250b in Soldier2_War)

 The War is a series of headlines from WWII which are quite
 similar to the headlines that have appeared since the New
 York Twin Towers was bombed.  Click 'HERE' to read them.

..Top
Subj:     Soldier At Front Gets 'Dear John' Letter (S309)
          From: thebartend on 1/3/2003

 An Army Ranger was deployed to Afghanistan.  While he was
 there he received a letter from his girlfriend, in which
 she explained that she had slept with two guys while he
 had been gone, she wanted to break up with him, and she
 wanted back the photo of herself she had given him.

 So the Ranger did what any squared-away Ranger would do.
 He went around to his buddies and collected all the
 unwanted photos of women he could find.  He then mailed
 about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following
 note:

 "I'm sorry, I can't remember which one you are, but
 please take the one that belongs to you and send the
 rest back."

..Top
Subj:   Soldier's 'Dear John' Letter2 - PPS
        From: gordonschuk on 5/15/2006 (S486b)

 This Power Point Presentation is cute rewrite of the
 old classic joke.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

..Top
Subj:     Redneck Joins The Army (S290b)
          From: RFSlick on 8/18/2002

 Subject:    The Army beats working.....oh my ggoodness...

 Mr. and Mrs. Braithwaite Backus,
 Bald Buzzard Ridge
 Mountainville, RFD 2

 Dear Ma and Pa:

 Am well. Hope you are.  Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer
 the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile.  Tell them
 to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.

 I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till
 nearly 6 a.m. but am getting so I like to sleep late.  Tell
 Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your
 cot and shine some  things  -- no hogs to  slop, feed to
 pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.  Practically
 nothing.  You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.

 Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal,
 eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes,
 beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food.  But
 tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city
 boys that live on coffee.  Their food plus yours holds you
 till noon, when you get fed.

 It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.  We go on
 "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to
 harden us.  If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell
 him different.  A "route march" is about as far as to our
 mailbox at home.  Then the city guys all get sore feet and
 we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

 The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher.  He nags some.  The Capt.
 is like the school board.  Cols. and Gens. just ride around
 and frown.  They don't bother you none.

 This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.  I keep
 getting medals for shooting.  I don't know why.  The bull's-
 eye is near as big as a chipmonk and don't move.  And it
 ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home.  All
 you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.  You
 don't even load your own cartridges.  They come in boxes.

 Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before
 other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

 Your loving son,
 Zeb

 P.S.  Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 for barn roof
 and ma's teeth.  The city boys shoot craps, but not very
 good. - Z.

..Top
Subj:     Marine Salutes Bush (S215)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/15/2001

 CNN on Thursday, February 22nd  showed President George W.
 Bush departing Marine One.  The Marine at the front step
 saluted, President Bush returned it, and as he walked away,
 the Marine executed a right face to stand facing President
 Bush's back--something Marines did not do in eight years of
 the Clinton presidency.

 The traditional Marine Corps mark of respect was rendered
 to the new president.  That tradition goes back to the days
 in the rigging, when the Marine Orderly to a ship's Captain
 would always face him, no matter his direction of movement.
 This was done so the Marine Orderly was always ready to
 receive the Captain's order.

 Leave it to the Marines to speak volumes without ever saying
 a word! Hoo-rah!

..Top
Subj:     Three Generals Retire (S201, S400)
          From: KMACINTY on 12/7/2000
      and From: LABLaughs.com on 8/23/2004

 The Pentagon recently discovered it had too many generals
 and offered an early retirement bonus.  They promised any
 general who retired straight away his full annual benefits
 plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
 between any two points on the general's body, with the
 general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

 The first man, an Air Force general, accepted.  He asked
 the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the
 tip of his toes. Six feet.  He walked out with a check of
 $720,000.

 The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure
 from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.  Eight
 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

 When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked
 where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip
 of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."

 The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general
 might like to reconsider, pointing out the large sums the
 previous two generals had received.  The Marine insisted
 and the pension expert said that would be fine but that
 he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

 The medical officer attended and asked the general to
 drop em.  He did. The medical officer placed the tape
 on the tip of the general's penis and began to work
 back.

 My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

 The general replied,  "In Vietnam."

..Top
Subj:     Hanoi Jane (S160)
          From: collins2 on 01/15/2000
Picture from VetsTribute.com

 This article about Jane Fonda and the North Vietnamese is
 so long, I put it on a seperate web page.  Click 'HERE'
 to see it.

..Top
Subj:     Special Camouflage Unit (S176)
          From: RFSlick on 6/17/00

 (Also see 'Father Takes Son Hunting' in HUNTING_CAMPING)

 A special section of the army was practicing it's camouflage
 skills.  They were all dressed as trees and had blended
 themselves in with the forest.  The general is driving by to
 inspect his hidden ranks and judge the effectiveness of the
 maneuver when suddenly one of the soldiers breaks the drill
 and starts running around the place, jumping and screaming.

 Finally he's apprehended and brought before the general, who
 asks: "Soldier, do you realize that you may have jeopardized
 the whole exercise by your irresponsible behavior?"

 The soldier explains, "Sir, I'm sorry.  I did my best.  I did
 nothing when birds came by and tried to make a nest in my arms.
 I endured it when a dog came by and relieved himself on my
 shoes.  But sir, I had to get moving when two squirrels ran up
 my pants and decided to eat one now and save the other for
 winter..."

..Top
Subj:     Military Type Quotes
          From: octagon999 over time

 Kill for Peace,

 Nuke them till they glow, and shoot'em in the dark!

 Kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out.

 I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

 Peace through superior firepower..

 The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,

 Smoke 'em if ya got 'em (in your sights).

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #262 on 98-07-28
 It's not who you kill. It's what type of cereal you eat
 out of their skull.

From: BawdyNet Test Message on 98-02-28
 In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I
 didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.  Then
 they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because
 I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists,
 and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
 Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up
 because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and
 by that time no one was left to speak up.
     Martin Niemoeller, German Lutheran Pastor

From: humorlist-digest V2 #126 on 98-05-21
 "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
 --Paul Rodriguez

From: ossama on 98-08-21
 There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved
 through a suitable application of high explosives.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

..Top
Subj:     Memorial Day Quotations (S226)
..........From: TAdams on 5/25/2001

 "From one end of the world to the other, he has drained deep
 the chalice of courage.  As I listened to those songs in
 memory's eye, I could see those staggering columns of the
 First World War, bending under soggy packs on many a weary
 march, from dripping dusk to drizzling dawn, slogging ankle
 deep through the mire of shell-pocked roads to form grimly
 for the attack, blue-lipped, covered with sludge and mud,
 chilled by the wind and rain, driving home to their objective,
 and, for many, to the judgment seat of God."

 "I do not know the dignity of their birth, but I do know the
 glory of their death.  They died unquestioning, uncomplaining,
 with faith in their hearts, and on their lips the hope that
 we would go on to victory.  Always for them duty, honor,
 country."

 By, of course, Gen. Douglas MacArthur.

 and then this:

 The happiness of these days has been paid for by others,
 leaving us in debt not just to the past but to the future
 - for it, too, in all its complexity and sophistication,
 will have to be built on bedrock. On duty, honor, country.

 By Paul Greenberg

 Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember...
 The Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.


Subj:     Short Soldier Jokes
 

Top
Subj:     Troop Death Rate In Iraq (S427b)
          From: RFSlick on 3/30/2005
 If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000
 troops in Iraq during the last 22 months, that gives a
 firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.

 The firearm death rate in DC is 80.6 per 100,000.

 That means that you are more likely to be shot and killed
 in our nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest
 gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.

 The conclusion?

 We should immediately pull out of WASHINGTON, DC!
 
 

Top
Subj:     Site For Sending Care Packages To Troops (S368)
          From: agrief on 2/11/2004
 During Vietnam, the soldiers were treated very badly
 by a large group of Americans.  Sites like this are wonderful.
 http://www.anysoldier.us/
 

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Subj:     The Infantry Man (S357)
          From: SCHULACES3 on 11/30/2003
 Nice internet site that pays tribute to the infantry man.
 http://www.saintsandheroes.com/infantry/
 

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Subj:     New Medal (S352b in Soldier2_War)
          From: samhutkins on 10/25/2003
 To view the new medal click 'HERE'.  I can think of several
 very deserving recipients of the distinguished award.
 

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Subj:     Weapons Of Mass Destruction (S336b in Soldier2_War)
          From: auntiegah@yahoo.com on 7/7/2003
 Source: http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
 You can view this cute web page by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Jessica Lynch Story (S329)
          From: merlin_of_chaos on 5/21/2003
 I don't know how many of you guys know about the Jessica
 Lynch story, but apparently she was POW and there were
 some US troops who came in the hospital and "rescued"
 her...well that's what the US media tells us.  Here's
 the BBC news account of the story stating that it was all
 probably staged...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/correspondent/3028585.stm

 Here's the BBC article with the pentagon's response.  The
 Pentagon didn't "know" about the incident.

 http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3043115.stm

 Here's an article where the BBC reporter states even he
 didn't think it was staged:

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/meast
/05/19/cnna.kampener.lynch/index.html

 And a response by the military where they explain that
 people don't go unarmed in a war zone (i.e. use blanks),
 and don't assume that any place is safe:

http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/05/19
/sprj.irq.bbc.lynch.dod/index.html
 

 And on a final note...Amnesty International declares Barney
 songs "torture"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3042907.stm
 

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Subj:     The Photo 'Saddam's Crib' (S325b in Other-Photos)
          From: samhutkins on 4/17/2003
 The photo 'Saddam's Crib' can be seen by clicking 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     Peace Poem
          From: tadams96 on 3/27/2003
 Here's a lesson for beginners
 Beguiled by pacifist spinners:
 There are at least
 Two kinds of peace,
 The loser's and the winner's.
   -- F.R. Duplantier

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Subj:     British Forces Test Fire Weapons (S319)
..........From: jerry on 3/10/2003
 When British forces in Kuwait began test firing their
 weapons during a routine exercise they were suddenly
 confronted by about a dozen Iraqi troops who came over
 the border after them, thinking the war had started,...
 to surrender.

 They were sent back over the border after being told
 that it was too early to surrender.

 The UK Mirror 9-Mar-03
 

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Subj:     USMC Bumper Sticker (S318 in Soldier2_War)
          From: RFSlick on 3/2/2003
 The USMC Bumper Sticker about a war in Iraq can be seen
 by clicking 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     Army Work Party (S270b)
         From: TwistedHumor.com on 3/11/02
 It was early morning at the military base, and the first
 sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties
 listed on a piece of paper:

 "Ames" "Here!" "Jenson" "Here!" "Jones" "Here!" "Magersky"
 "Here!" "Se eback"

 No answer.

 "Seeback!"

 No answer was heard again.

 "SEEBACK!!!" The troops remained totally silent.

 At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's
 ear.  He looked again at what the last name really said,
 quickly turned over the list and continued calling the
 names printed on the other side.
 

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Subj:     Drill Sergent Chews Out Cadets (S174)
..........From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 6/2/00
 (Also see 'President Obama Meets His General' in Obama)
 A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and
 as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said,
 "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."

 The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that
 when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line."
 

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Subj:     Soldier With Hurt Foot
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #266 on 98-08-15
 Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are
 dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one
 man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and
 says, "Vietnam, 1969."

 The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog shit, 20
 feet back."
 

Top
Subj:     Parachute Jump
          From: ipkis on 97-12-06
 Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his
 sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first
 rip cord.  If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the
 auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up."

 The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped.  He counted
 to ten, and pulled the first cord.  Nothing happened.  He
 pulled the second cord.  Again, nothing happened.   As he
 careened crazily earthward, he said to himself:  "Now I'll
 bet that truck won't be there either!"
 

Top
Subj:     Pissing At Urnal
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #275 on 97-12-13
 (Also see 'Three Men At The Urinals' in Cowboy2)
 Even though a fellow was late for his flight, he dashed
 into the airport men's room, pissed, and quickly headed
 for the door.  At one of the sinks a Marine sergeant was
 washing his hands.

 The Leatherneck called to the man, "Hey, buddy, in the
 Marine Corps they teach us to wash our hands after going
 to the bathroom."

 The fellow stepped back into the men's room and looked at
 the Marine.  "Well, I'm Navy, Sarge, and they teach us not
 to piss on our hands!"
 

 Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves
 when they rode past their king.  This custom has become
 the modern military salute.

 The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the
   balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old
   cannons like ones used in the Civil War.  The cannonballs
   were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey.
   When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and
   break off...Thus the saying.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #217 on 97-12-16
 And Gerg says, "I first heard that joke twenty years ago
 this month, from one of my drill instructors in Marine
 Corps boot camp, from which you may accurately surmise
 that Michael must have inadvertently gotten his jarheads
 and his squids mixed up!  :)

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 G:   "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
 EB:  "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in
       the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
                              -- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire
 when you least expect it.  That would make you quite unpop-
 ular in what's left of your unit.
  -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine,
     the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
    The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many
    bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s,
    the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring
    separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
 The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during
 World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

From: auntieg on 98-11-14
 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both
 front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the
 horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a
 result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all
 four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
 causes.

From: TAdams on 7/27/2001 (S235)
 I ain't here to win the war; I'm hear to kill the enemy of
 my people.  Either I'm going to kill them or they're going
 to kill me.  Either way, it doesn't prove who is right;
 just who is left.  -- Unknown

From: RFSlick on 12/5/2001 (S253)
 "IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN...
  IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING!!!"
    -- United States Marines

From: TAdams on 4/20/2001 (S221)
 "We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready
 in the night tovisit violence on those who would do us harm."
  --  George Orwell

From: LABLaughs.com on 3/26/2002 (S270c)
 If a man does his best, what else is there?
   -- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

From: LABLaughs.com on 7/2/2002 (S283b)
 A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   -- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

Also see 'Patton on Challenges' in THO-LEARN-SUPP2

From: LABLaughs.com on 4/3/2002 (S270c)
 "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
    -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

From: LABLaughs.com on 8/10/2002 (S289b)
 Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

From: LABLaughs.com on 4/18/2002
 "I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to
 demonstrate my perfect right."  -- Frederick (II) the Great

From: LABLaughs.com on 5/2/2002 (S274c)
 "The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy."
    -- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)

From: (Removed from story.news.yahoo.com/news)
 "The victor will never be asked if he told the truth"
     -- Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler

From: LABLaughs.com on 11/27/2002 (S304)
 Morale is a state of mind.  It is steadfastness and
 courage and hope.  -- General George Marshall

From: igiggle on 5/3/2003 (S327b)
   My Dear McClellan:

      If  you don't want to use the army I should like
   to borrow it for a while.

   ~~Abraham Lincoln in a letter to his inactive Civil War general

From: igiggle on 5/4/2003 (S327b)
 One thing I don't want around me is an intellectual military.
 I don't have to worry about you on that score.
   -- Henry Kissinger to General Alexander Haig

From: RFSlick on 12/7/2003 (S358b - in BumperSticker)
 "If you can read this - THANK A TEACHER,
  If you're reading it in English - THANK A VETERAN!"

From: LABLaughsClean on 4/19/2005 (S429b)
 "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
  Men invade another country.."  -- Elayne Boosler

From: LABLaughsClean on 3/13/2007 (S477b)
 "We are going to have peace even if we have to
  fight for it."  -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
 

Bawdy.Net Collage #178
 Q: Why did the army send so many premenstrual women to
    the Gulf?
 A: Because they fought like animals and retained water
    for four days.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/8/2005 (S420b)
 Q: Why was drill sergeant's daughter a virgin?
 A: She knew when to call a halt

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.........................Shaves Sadam from Smiley_Central
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