(Includes 41 jokes, 03 1116,6,cf,5wYT3a7b,3)
Click 'HERE' got Soldier-Supp
Click 'HERE' got Soldier-Supp2
Smoking Gun from
Subj: Stairway To Heaven (S1113)
From: Marge Pearson in 2018
...........Remembering all of our fallen Veteran.
Apocalypse Now -
.............Smell Of Napalm
Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
to see this scene from Francis Coppola's
Apocalypse Now in 1979 with Actors: Marlon Brando,
Robert Duvall, and Martin Sheen.
Subj: Sears And The Army Reservists (S383)
From: RFSlick in 2004
I assume you have all see the
reports about how Sears is
treating its reservist employees who are activated to duty?
By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and
available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big
pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being activated ..
Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and
maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and
bonus programs, for all activated to duty reservist
employees for up to two years.
I submit that Sears is an exemplary
corporate citizen and
should be recognized for its contribution. I suggest we
all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell
them why we are there so the company gets the positive
reinforcement it well deserves.
Pass it on.
The story is true as checked
Subj: 'Star Wars' Soldier Of the Future (S331)
From: jerry in 2003 (in Soldier2_War)
To see the Star Wars imperial
ensemble" battle uniform being developed by the U.S.
Army for 2011 go to my site by clicking 'Here'.
The uniforms will:
.Monitor vial signs
.Plug into a massive satellite network, unmanned planes
and robotic vehicles
.Come with built-in tourniquets that might be tightened
and loosened remotely
.Have a helmet with tiny built-in cameras for spotting
people in the dark or concealed by bushes which will
project the images semi transparently to the soldier
.Provide maps, global-positioning coordinates and other
location data, and
.Be able to identify friends and foes
Red Nova 1-Jun-03
Coming Home (S509)
..........in 2006 (in Plane1)
This story with pictures is so
powerful, I cried. You
can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The Lee Marvin Story (S299)
From: RFSlick in 2002
Captain Kangaroo turned 75 recently,
which is odd, because
he's never looked a day under 75. (Birthday 6/27/27)
It reminded me of the following story. Hope you enjoy it
as much as I did.
Some people have been a bit offended
that Lee Marvin is
buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at
Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name,
rank (PVT) and service (SSMC). Nothing else. Here's a
guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time,
why the heck does he rate burial with these guys?
Well, following is the amazing answer:
I always liked Lee Marvin, but
did not know the extent of
his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood
stars served their country in the armed forces, often in
rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected,
only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war
bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won
the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval
award... the Medal Of Honor.
If that is a surprising comment
on the true character of
the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show
Dialog >From The Tonight Show
with Johnny Carson: His guest
was Lee Marvin.
Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a
lot of people are unaware
that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima...
and that during the course of that action you earned the
Navy Cross and were severely wounded."
"Yeah, yeah... I got shot square
in the ass and they gave
me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up
Suribachi... bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain
is guys gettin' shot hauling you down. But Johnny, at Iwo
I served under the bravest man I ever knew... We both got
the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made
mine look cheap in comparison. The dumb bastard actually
stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move
forward and get the hell off the beach. That Sergeant and
I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off
Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and
passed it to me lying on my belly on the litter and said,
'Where'd they get you Lee?' And I said: Well Bob... if
you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!
Johnny, I'm not lying... Sergeant
Keeshan was the bravest
man I ever knew..... Bob Keeshan... You and the world know
him as Captain Kangaroo."
Subj: The Lee Marvin Story Is An Urban Legends (S300)
From: Dan_Dwyer in 2002
(See 'The Ultimate Urban Legend' in STORIES)
...I HATE urban legends that
distort the facts about people
and institutions that can't set the record straight for
themselves. The Lee Marvin Story is a case in point. Even
though it is complimentary to both Marvin and Keeshan, it's
still BULLSHIT, and I'm sure that both men would be appalled
Marvin WAS shot in the butt during
WWII, but it was on on
Saipan. He got a purple heart, but no Navy Cross. Keeshan
was still in Marine Boot Camp when the bomb was dropped on
Hiroshima; he never saw combat.
I'm not writing this just to
rant; I have a suggestion. Are
you familiar with ?www.snopes2.com>? It's a very reliable
website that researches e-hoaxes, urban legends, and other
crap that makes the rounds on the internet. It has an
excellent search engine, and it usually only takes a few
minutes to get the real scoop on stories like this one....
Thanks Dan for correcting me.
At your suggestion I went to
www.snopes2.com, the Urban Legends References Pages, and
with in a few clicks, found the Lee Marvin Legend.
From: email@example.com on 10/27/2002
I loved this story!!!!
However, it appears that it is only one of the email hoaxes.
Subj: Two Enemy Soldiers Meet (S280)
From: twistedhumor.com in 2000
A squad of American soldiers
was patrolling along the Iraqi
border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled
dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road. A
short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled
American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road,
who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his
blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was
walking down this road, armed
to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi
border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted,
"Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!"
He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill
Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
Subj: To The Veteran (S351)
From: RFSlick2 in 2003
Is A Veteran?' and 'The Infantry Man'
Subj: Military Retaliation (S276c)
From: RFSlick in 2001
What to do if you fall into a
conversation with someone
about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in
1. Engage in conversation, and
ask if military force
2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"
3. Wait until he says something to the effect of -
"Because that would just cause more innocent deaths,
which would be awful and we should not cause more
4. When he's in mid-sentence, punch him in the face
as hard as you can.
5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that
it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to
strike you, because that would be awful and he
should not cause more violence.
6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to
commit additional violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that
sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
Subj: Definition of 'Unlawful Combatant' (S261b)
..........From: jerry in 2002
According to U.S. Defense Secretary
Rumsfeld, the Taliban
and al Qaeda fighters being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba,
are not prisoners of war but "unlawful combatants."
So, what's the difference and why?
Prisoners of war are entitled
to the protections of the
1949 Geneva Convention while unlawful combatants do not
qualify. Only those who play war by the accepted rules
of war, as outlined by the convention, qualify for these
To be compliant, one must fight
for a military organization
satisfying these four requirements:
?Commanded by a person responsible for his subordinates,
?Having a fixed distinctive sign recognizable at a distance,
?Carrying arms openly
? Conducting operations in accordance
with the laws and
customs of war.
While the al Qaeda failed to
meet any four, the Taliban
fighters failed to meet the last three.
So what do they lose? They
can have military tribunal
trials. They do not get to have civilian trials. Military
tribunals are more irregular. Unlawful combatants are not
entitled to the substantive and procedural protections that
a prisoner of war would get. They are not entitled to
repatriation (return to their country).
Other consequences appear in the original story.
Subj: The War (S250b in Soldier2_War)
The War is a series of headlines
from WWII which are quite
similar to the headlines that have appeared since the New
York Twin Towers was bombed. Click 'HERE' to read them.
Subj: Redneck Joins The Army (S290b)
From: RFSlick in 2002
Subject: The Army beats working.....oh my ggoodness...
Mr. and Mrs. Braithwaite Backus,
Bald Buzzard Ridge
Mountainville, RFD 2
Dear Ma and Pa:
Am well. Hope you are.
Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer
the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile. Tell them
to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.
I was restless at first because
you got to stay in bed till
nearly 6 a.m. but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell
Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your
cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to
pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically
nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings
like fruit juice, cereal,
eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes,
beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food. But
tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city
boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you
till noon, when you get fed.
It's no wonder these city boys
can't walk much. We go on
"route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to
harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell
him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our
mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and
we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher.
He nags some. The Capt.
is like the school board. Cols. and Gens. just ride around
and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and
Elmer with laughing. I keep
getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bull's-
eye is near as big as a chipmonk and don't move. And it
ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All
you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer
to hurry and join before
other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving son,
P.S. Speaking of shooting,
enclosed is $200 for barn roof
and ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very
good. - Z.
Hanoi Jane (S160)
From: collins2 in 2000
Picture from VetsTribute.com
This article about Jane Fonda
and the North Vietnamese is
so long, I put it on a seperate web page. Click 'HERE'
to see it.
Subj: Marine Salutes Bush (S215)
From: JBCARY1 in 2001
CNN on Thursday, February 22nd
showed President George W.
Bush departing Marine One. The Marine at the front step
saluted, President Bush returned it, and as he walked away,
the Marine executed a right face to stand facing President
Bush's back--something Marines did not do in eight years of
the Clinton presidency.
The traditional Marine Corps
mark of respect was rendered
to the new president. That tradition goes back to the days
in the rigging, when the Marine Orderly to a ship's Captain
would always face him, no matter his direction of movement.
This was done so the Marine Orderly was always ready to
receive the Captain's order.
Leave it to the Marines to speak
volumes without ever saying
a word! Hoo-rah!
Subj: Three Generals Retire (S201, S400)
From: KMACINTY in 2000
The Pentagon recently discovered
it had too many generals
and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any
general who retired straight away his full annual benefits
plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two points on the general's body, with the
general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general,
accepted. He asked
the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the
tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of
The second man, an Army general,
asked them to measure
from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight
feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled
old Marine, was asked
where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip
of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that
perhaps the Marine general
might like to reconsider, pointing out the large sums the
previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted
and the pension expert said that would be fine but that
he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended
and asked the general to
drop em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape
on the tip of the general's penis and began to work
My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"
The general replied, "In Vietnam."
Subj: Soldier At Front Gets 'Dear John' Letter (S309)
From: thebartend in 2003
An Army Ranger was deployed to
Afghanistan. While he was
there he received a letter from his girlfriend, in which
she explained that she had slept with two guys while he
had been gone, she wanted to break up with him, and she
wanted back the photo of herself she had given him.
So the Ranger did what any squared-away
Ranger would do.
He went around to his buddies and collected all the
unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed
about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following
"I'm sorry, I can't remember
which one you are, but
please take the one that belongs to you and send the
'Dear John' Letter2
........in 2006 (S486b) - PPS
This Power Point Presentation
is cute rewrite of the
old classic joke. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Special Camouflage Unit (S176)
From: RFSlick in 2000
(Also see 'Father Takes Son Hunting' in HUNTING_CAMPING)
A special section of the army
was practicing it's camouflage
skills. They were all dressed as trees and had blended
themselves in with the forest. The general is driving by to
inspect his hidden ranks and judge the effectiveness of the
maneuver when suddenly one of the soldiers breaks the drill
and starts running around the place, jumping and screaming.
Finally he's apprehended and
brought before the general, who
asks: "Soldier, do you realize that you may have jeopardized
the whole exercise by your irresponsible behavior?"
The soldier explains, "Sir, I'm
sorry. I did my best. I did
nothing when birds came by and tried to make a nest in my arms.
I endured it when a dog came by and relieved himself on my
shoes. But sir, I had to get moving when two squirrels ran up
my pants and decided to eat one now and save the other for
Subj: Military Type Quotes
From: octagon999 over time
Kill for Peace,
Nuke them till they glow, and shoot'em in the dark!
Kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
Peace through superior firepower..
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em (in your sights).
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #262 in 1998
It's not who you kill. It's what type of cereal you eat
out of their skull.
From: BawdyNet Test Message in 1998
In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I
didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then
they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because
I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up
because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and
by that time no one was left to speak up.
Martin Niemoeller, German Lutheran Pastor
From: humorlist-digest V2 #126 in 1998
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
From: ossama on 1998
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved
through a suitable application of high explosives.
From: RFSlick on 1998
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 in 1998
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
Subj: Memorial Day Quotations (S226)
..........From: TAdams in 2001
"From one end of the world to
the other, he has drained deep
the chalice of courage. As I listened to those songs in
memory's eye, I could see those staggering columns of the
First World War, bending under soggy packs on many a weary
march, from dripping dusk to drizzling dawn, slogging ankle
deep through the mire of shell-pocked roads to form grimly
for the attack, blue-lipped, covered with sludge and mud,
chilled by the wind and rain, driving home to their objective,
and, for many, to the judgment seat of God."
"I do not know the dignity of
their birth, but I do know the
glory of their death. They died unquestioning, uncomplaining,
with faith in their hearts, and on their lips the hope that
we would go on to victory. Always for them duty, honor,
By, of course, Gen. Douglas MacArthur.
and then this:
The happiness of these days has
been paid for by others,
leaving us in debt not just to the past but to the future
- for it, too, in all its complexity and sophistication,
will have to be built on bedrock. On duty, honor, country.
By Paul Greenberg
Never be afraid to try something
The Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.
Subj: Short Soldier Jokes
Subj: Troop Death Rate In Iraq (S427b)
From: RFSlick in 2005
If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000
troops in Iraq during the last 22 months, that gives a
firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The firearm death rate in DC is 80.6 per 100,000.
That means that you are more
likely to be shot and killed
in our nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest
gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
We should immediately pull out
of WASHINGTON, DC!
Subj: Site For Sending Care Packages To Troops (S368)
From: agrief in 2004
During Vietnam, the soldiers were treated very badly
by a large group of Americans. Sites like this are wonderful.
Subj: New Medal (S352b in Soldier2_War)
From: samhutkins in 2003
To view the new medal click 'HERE'. I can think of several
very deserving recipients of the distinguished award.
Subj: Weapons Of Mass Destruction (S336b in Soldier2_War)
From: auntiegah in 2003
Source: (Removed from coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk)
You can view this cute web page by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The Photo 'Saddam's Crib' (S325b)
From: samhutkins in 2003 (in Other-Photos)
The photo 'Saddam's Crib' can be seen by clicking 'Here'.
Subj: USMC Bumper Sticker (S318 in Soldier2_War)
From: RFSlick in 2003
The USMC Bumper Sticker about a war in Iraq can be seen
by clicking 'Here'.
Subj: Army Work Party (S270b)
From: TwistedHumor in 2002
It was early morning at the military base, and the first
sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties
listed on a piece of paper:
"Ames" "Here!" "Jenson" "Here!"
"Jones" "Here!" "Magersky"
"Here!" "Se eback"
No answer was heard again.
"SEEBACK!!!" The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered
into the first sergeant's
ear. He looked again at what the last name really said,
quickly turned over the list and continued calling the
names printed on the other side.
Subj: Drill Sergent Chews Out Cadets (S174)
..........From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com in 2000
(Also see 'President Obama Meets His General' in Obama)
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and
as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said,
"I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge.
I promised myself that
when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line."
Armored knights raised their
visors to identify themselves
when they rode past their king. This custom has become
the modern military salute.
From: Daemonic Funnies Page in 1997
G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in
the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
-- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
From: RFSlick in 1998
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many
bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s,
the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring
separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
From: auntieg in 1998
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both
front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the
horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a
result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all
four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
From: LABLaughs in 2002 (S270c)
If a man does his best, what else is there?
-- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
From: LABLaughs in 2002 (S283b)
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
-- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
Also see 'Patton
on Challenges' in THO-LEARN-SUPP2
From: LABLaughs in 2002 (S270c)
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
-- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
From: LABLaughs in 2002 (S289b)
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
From: (Removed from story.news.yahoo.com/news)
"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth"
-- Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler
From: igiggle in 2003 (S327b)
My Dear McClellan:
you don't want to use the army I should like
to borrow it for a while.
~~Abraham Lincoln in a
letter to his inactive Civil War general
From: igiggle in 2003 (S327b)
One thing I don't want around me is an intellectual military.
I don't have to worry about you on that score.
-- Henry Kissinger to General Alexander Haig
From: RFSlick in 12003 (S358b - in
"If you can read this - THANK A TEACHER,
If you're reading it in English - THANK A VETERAN!"
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005 (S429b)
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.." -- Elayne Boosler
From: LABLaughsClean in 2007 (S477b)
"We are going to have peace even if we have to
fight for it." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
.........................Shaves Sadam from Smiley_Central