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Subj:     Waiter/Waitress Jokes
                 (Includes 35 jokes and articles, 08969,13,cf,wXT2,6)

          Click "Here" for Waiter-Supp


Waitress on Skates from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Elevator Malfunction (S924 in Supp)
.........................The Ultimate Racial Joke (S828 in Supp)
.........................Robbing The Wrong Diner - Glock Ad (S958)
.........................Two Dogs In A Busy Restaurant - Video (S758)
.........................Waiter And The Spoon (S55, S778)
.........................Man Wants To Date Waitress (S323b)
.........................Roses - Video (S619c)
.........................Waitress w/Thumb In The Food (S337b)
.........................Indian Carrying Shotgun And Manure Wants Coffee (S336b, S502b)
.........................Blondie Comic Strip (DU)
.........................Diner Slang (S467)
.........................The Little Boy And The Bowl Of Ice Cream (S451b)
.........................Seniors Breakfast Special - GIF (S586b)
.........................Where Shall We Eat? (S681, S801)
.........................Trucker's Breakfast (S654, S747)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S652b)
.........................Using A Two Dollar Bill At Taco Bell (S422b)
.........................Lady Asks Waiter To Hold Her Breast (S407)
.........................Shoe Shop Next To French Restaurant (S406b, S724)
.........................Waitress Sued Hooters Restaurant - Photo (S402b)
.........................Jewish Man Has Soup With Bread (S382b, S587b)
.........................Man And Ostrich Enter Restaurant - Photo (S362, S744)
.........................World Restraurant (S309)
.........................Cold Chili (S153, S614c)
.........................Man Leaves Three Penny Tip
.........................Waitress Says Yes (S220b)
                         Short Waiter/Waitress Jokes
..............................A Little Boy's Order - Sign (S887 in Supp)
..............................Shoe Comic Strip (S878 in Supp)
..............................Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S811 in Supp)
..............................Herman Cartoon (S880 in Supp)
..............................Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S782 in Supp)
..............................Dangling Restaurant (S581b)
..............................Manager Pickpocketed (S472c)
..............................Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S737)
..............................Little Old Man Orders Banana Split (S401b)
..............................Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S699)
..............................Waitress Says Yes, Vers. II (S166, S699)
..............................Herman Cartoon II (S665b)
..............................Ordering Before Your Wife (S657b)
..............................Herman Cartoon (S652)
..............................Treasury Secretary Has Expired Visa Card (S379b)
..............................In-N-Out Burger Cult Site (S313)
..............................Stockholm Restraunt's Toilet Seats (S302b)

Also see BALLS file   - 'Cojones'
         BAR-SUPP     - 'Witty Restaurant/Bar Signs'
         BLONDE1 file - 'Blonde Wins Contest'
         CAMEL file   - 'Man On Camel Dying Of Thirst'
         COMPUTERS2   - 'If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft'
         DATING1 file - 'Lucky Escape' - Video Clip
         DATING3 file - 'Sending A Lady A Bottle Of Wine'
         DOGS1 file   - 'Mother Goose And Grimm Comic Strip'
......................- 'A Doberman, A Chihuahua, And A Restaurant'
         DOCTOR3 file - 'Viagra In The Coffee'
         ELDERLY1 file- 'Elderly Couple Share A Meal'
         ELDERLY4 file- 'Elderly Couple At Restaurant'
         FOODETC file - 'Chicken At A Chinese Restraurant'
         FOOD_ETC-SUP2- 'Eating Dirt In A Restaurant'
......................- 'Shoe Comic Strip'
         FROG file    - 'Man Goes To Restraunt w/Hamster And Frog'
         HANDICAPPED  - 'Blind Man Orders By Smell'
         HANDICAP-SUPP- 'Tim's Place: Breakfast, Lunch, And Hugs' - Video Clip
         HOOKER2 file - 'Trucker At Restaurant And Whorehouse'
         HOTEL file   - 'Guest Orders Breakfast'
         ITALIAN file - 'The Italian Who Went To Malta'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Jewish Man Goes Out To Lunch Each Day'
         JUDGE-SUPP   - 'It Only Went "Click!"'
         MARRIAGE2    - 'A Couple Eating Dinner'
         MATH2 file   - 'Two Math Professors In A Bar'
         MEXICAN file - 'Two Jews In Mexico'
         MIDDLE_EAST  - 'Two Arab Mothers Talk In Cafe'
         NATINL_ST-SUP- 'How To Pronounce Wisconsin City'
.........NATIVE AMERCN- 'Indian Eats At Posh Restaurant'
         QTS-COMED-SP2- 'Brad Zimmerman - My Son The Waiter' - Video Clip
         SHIT-SUPP    - 'Having An Accident At A Restaurant'
         TEAR JERKER1 - 'Attitude Is Everything'
         TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Being A Waitress At The Big Wheel'
......................- 'Something For Stevie'
         THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'Ice Cream-Good For The Soul'
         TRUCKS-BUSSES- 'Old Truck Driver At A Diner'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Robbing The Wrong Diner (S958d)
          From: AFine963 on 5/24/2015
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/vsVCHE7ayPE
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this cute Glock commercial.
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Top
Subj:     Two Dogs In A Busy Restaurant (S758d in Dog-Supp)
          From: AFine963 on 7/18/2011
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/EVwlMVYqMu4

 Two dogs waiting patiently to get served in a "restaurant".
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this
 very cute video.

Top
Subj:     Waiter And The Spoon (S55, S778)
          From: JBCARY1 on 6/27/2003
      and From: virv on 12/6/2011

 A guy went into a restaurant, and as he was sitting down at
 the table he knocked the spoon onto the floor.  The waiter
 immediately produced a clean spoon from his pocket.

 "Wow" said the man.  "How did you know I was gonna' knock
 the spoon off the table?"  To which the waiter replied,  "We
 had an efficiency expert in here a few months ago, and he
 realized that 15% of customers knock their spoon off the
 table as they are sitting down.  He told us it would save
 time if we would just carry a spare spoon with us at all
 times so that we would not have to run back to the kitchen
 all the time."

 The man was duly impressed, and went on with his order.

 Later, during the meal, he said to the waiter, "I've noticed
 that all the male waiters have a string hanging out of their
 fly...What's up with that?"

 The waiter went on to say, "Well, that same efficiency expert
 realized we were spending too much time washing our hands,
 and suggested we tie string to our penises.  Having never
 actually touched our penises, we didn't have to wash our
 hands...saving a lot of time."

 Again the man was duly impressed.  Towards the end of the
 meal, the man pulled the waiter aside and asked, "You know,
 I was thinking...how do you get your penis back into your
 pants without touching it?"  The waiter replied, "Well, I
 don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

Top
Subj:     Man Wants To Date Waitress (S323b)
          From: joke on 4/2/2003

 A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a
 date, but couldn't get her attention.  When he was able
 to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.  Finally he
 followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his
 invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

 He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time?
 You wouldn't even make eye contact."

 "Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

Top
Subj:     Roses (S619c,d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/19/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/bhRAsoGbiuk

 You can see this silly, hidden camera spoof of a waiter
 with three arms by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Waitress w/Thumb In The Food (S337b)
          From: BennoRo on 7/14/2003

 A waitress gives the customer a bowl of soup and has her
 thumb in the bowl.  The customer ignores it.  She comes
 with the blue plate special and has her thumb in the mashed
 potatoes.  He's about to grab her but she gets away.
 Finally she returns with his coffee and dessert and her
 thumb is in the coffee as well!

 The customer stops her and said "Look miss, I know this
 ain't the highest class restaurant, but what's all this
 about?  You bring my soup and your thumb is in it.  Then
 you bring my entree and your thumb is in the mash' potatoes.
 And now the coffee, what's going on?"

 "Oh sir" she replies, "I'm sorry, but I have an arthiritic
 thumb and my doctor told me that I should keep it warm"

 "Well Holy Cow!" says the customer, "Why don't you stick it
 up your ass?"

 "Oh, I do that in the kitchen"

Top
Subj:     Indian Carrying Shotgun And Manure Wants Coffee (S336b, S502b)
          From: pns on 7/6/2003
      and From: samhutkins on 9/6/2006

 An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and
 a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.  He says to the
 waiter, "Me want coffee".

 The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up".  He gets
 the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it
 down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it
 into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks
 out.

 The next morning the Indian returns.  He has his shotgun
 in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
 He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me
 want coffee".

 The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto.  We're still cleaning up
 your mess from the last time you were here.  What the heck
 was that all about, anyway?"

 The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for
 upper management/sales position.  Come in, drink coffee,
 shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.

Top
Subj:     Blondie Comic Strip (DU)
          By Dennis Young and Denis Lebrun on 8/8/2015
Source: http://blondie.com/todays_strip/
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Top
Subj:     Diner Slang (S467)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 12/27/2005

 Diner slang was popular in diners, luncheonettes and lunch
 rooms from the 1920s until the 1970s. Although many of the
 terms were created for fun and to lighten the stress of the
 restaurant environment, having distinct names for menu
 items helped the short order cooks (according to the web
 page).

 You've probably heard some of this in old movies. But I
 found it so amusing I pulled some of the best slang to
 create a little quiz for you! I've provided the answers
 at the bottom of the page, so let's see if you'd make a
 good Soup jockey.

 Identify the following...

 Paint it red
 Java, Joe or a cup of mud
 A blonde with sand
 Shake one in the hay
 Cackle fruit
 Wreck 'em
 Adam ? Eve on a raft
 On the hoof
 Bloodhound in the Hay
 Whistleberries
 Frog sticks
 Paint a bow-wow red
 Irish turkey
 Zeppelins in a fog
 Burn one
 Pin a rose on it
 Burn one; drag it through the garden and pin a rose
   on it.

 And the answers are:

 Paint it red
 Put ketchup on an item

 Java Joe or a cup of mud
 Coffee

 A blonde with sand
 Coffee with cream and sugar

 Shake one in the hay
 Strawberry milkshake

 Cackle fruit
 Eggs

 Wreck 'em
 Scrambled eggs

 Adam ? Eve on a raft
 Two poached eggs on toast

 On the hoof
 Any kind of meat cooked rare

 Bloodhound in the Hay
 Hot dog and Sauerkraut

 Whistleberries
 Baked beans

 Frog sticks
 French fries

 Paint a bow-wow red
 Gimme a hot dog with ketchup

 Irish turkey
 Corned beef and cabbage

 Zeppelins in a fog
 Sausages and mashed potatoes

 Burn one
 Put a hamburger on the grill

 Pin a rose on it
 Add onion to an order

 Burn one; drag it through the garden and pin a rose on it.
 Hamburger with lettuce tomato and onion

Top
Subj:     The Little Boy And The Bowl Of Ice Cream (S451b)
          From: RFSlick 9/4/2005

 In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
 a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
 sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
 front of him.

 "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

 "Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

 The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
 studied the coins in it.

 "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

 By now more people were waiting for a table and the
 waitress was growing impatient.

 "Thirty-five  cents," she brusquely replied.

 The little boy again counted his coins.

 "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

 The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
 the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
 cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
 came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
 table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
 were two nickels and five pennies..

 You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
 to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Top
Subj:     Senior Breakfeast Special (S586b)
          From: darrellvip on 4/11/2008

 We went to breakfast at a restaurant where
 the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon,
 hash browns and t oast for $1.99.

 'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't
 want the eggs.'

 "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine
 cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress
 warned her.

 "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?"  My
 wife asked incredulously.  "I'll take the special."

 "How do you want your eggs?"

 "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.  She took the
 two eggs home.  DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS.

Top
Subj:     Where Shall We Eat? (S681, S801)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 2/1/2010
      and From: darrelldre on 5/18/2012

 A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should
 meet for dinner.  Finally it is agreed they should meet at
 the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's
 there have low cut blouses and great figures.

 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group again
 discusses where they should meet.  Finally it is agreed
 they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the
 food there is very good and they have a fine wine selection.

 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group again
 discusses where they should meet. Finally it is agreed
 they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can
 eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smokefree.
 

 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group again
 discusses where they should meet. Finally it is agreed
 they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the
 restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have
 an elevator.

 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group again
 discusses where they should meet.  Finally it is agreed
 they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they
 have never been there before.

Top
Subj:     Trucker's Breakfast (S654, S747)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/17/2009
      and From: allenbergman on 5/7/2011

 A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.
 He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights
 and a pair of running boards.'

 The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid,
 went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there
 just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a
 pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is,
 an auto parts store?'

 'No,' the cook said.  'Three flat tires ... mean three
 pancakes; a pair of headlights.. is two eggs sunny side
 up; and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp
 bacon !

 'Oh,... OK!' said the blonde.  She thought about it for a
 moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to
 the customer.

 The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?'

 I LOVE THIS ONE.......... ..

 She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat
 tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas
 up!

 FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!!

Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S652b)
          By Bob Thaves on 7/10/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2009/07/10
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Top
Subj:     Using A Two Dollar Bill At Taco Bell (S422b)
          From: DafterLafter on 2/23/2005

 On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
 bite to eat.  In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.  I
 figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and
 not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for
 trying to break a $50 bill.

 Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

 Server: "That'll be $1.04.  Eat in?"

 Me: "No, it's to go."

 At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill.
 He looks at it kind of funny.

 Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

 He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my
 earshot.  The following conversation occurs between the
 two of them:

 Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

 Manager: "No.  A what?"

 Server: "A $2 bill.  This guy just gave it to me."

 Manager: "Ask for something else.  There's no such thing
 as a $2 bill."

 Server: "Yeah, thought so."

 He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these.
 Do you have anything else?"

 Me: "Just this fifty.  You don't take $2 bills?  Why?"

 Server: "I don't know."

 Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

 Server: "Yeah."

 Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

 Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

 He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me
 like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have
 to take it."

 Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

 Server: "Yeah, a fifty.  I'll get it and you can open
 the safe and get change."

 Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."

 Server: "What should I do?"

 Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has
 real money."

 Server: "I can't tell him that!  You tell him."

 Manager: "Just tell him."

 Server: "No way!  This is weird.  I'm going in back."

 The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but
 we don't take big bills this time of night."

 Me: "It's only seven o'clock!  Well then, here's a
 two dollar bill."

 Manager: "We don't take those, either."

 Me: "Why not?"

 Manager: "I think you know why."

 Me: "No really ... tell me why."

 Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

 Me: "Excuse me?"

 Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

 Me: "What on earth for?"

 Manager: "Please, sir."

 Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

 Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

 Me: "No."

 Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

 Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

 At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall
 security on the phone around the corner.  I have
 two people staring at me from the dining area, and
 I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.  A few
 minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

 Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

 Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give
 me some ...(pause) funny money."

 Guard: "No kidding!  What?"

 Manager: "Get this ... a two dollar bill."

 Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two
 dollar bill?"

 Manager: "I don't know.  He's kinda weird.  He
 says the only other thing he has is a fifty."

 Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

 Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

 Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

 Manager: "I don't know!  Can you talk to him, and
 get him out of here?"

 Guard: "Yeah."

 Security Guard walks over to me and ...

 Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills
 you're trying to use."

 Me: "Uh, no."

 Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

 Me: "Why?"

 Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

 At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!"
 but I want to eat, so I say, "I'm just trying to
 buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar
 bill."

 I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches
 like I'm taking a swing at him.  He takes the bill,
 turns it over a few times in his hands, and says,
 "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

 Manager: "It's fake."

 Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

 Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

 Guard: "Yeah ... ?"

 Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

 The security guard and I both look at him like he's
 an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

 So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he
 threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon
 thingies, too.

 Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills
 just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.

 If I got the right group of people, I could probably
 end up in jail.  You get free food there, too!

Top
Subj:     Lady Asks Waiter To Hold Her Breast (S407)
          From: JokesUncut on 11/4/2004

 A lady is feeling a bit down in the dumps and decides to
 treat herself to a meal at the Ritz Carlton. She manages
 to get a table that very night and enjoys a delicious meal
 on her own -- nothing too extravagant, but nice all the
 same.

 The head waiter brings the bill and she's horrified to see
 the total: $150! She doesn't expect this at all and asks
 the waiter "Would you mind holding my breasts while I
 write the check please?"

 The head waiter is taken aback. In all his years in the
 job he's never been asked that before, but always eager
 to please the customer, he obliges.

 She gets up to leave and the waiter is still perplexed.
 His curiosity gets the better of him and he catches up
 with her at the door and asks, "I'm sorry to bother you
 Miss but I'd like to know why you asked me to do that
 just now."

 "Oh, it's quite simple really," she replies, "I love to
 have my breasts held when I'm being screwed!"

Top
Subj:     Shoe Shop Next To French Restaurant (S406b, S724)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/25/2004
      and From: ezines@arcamax.com on 11/28/2010

 There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door
 to a very upscale French restaurant.  Every day at lunch
 time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his
 shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of
 Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming
 from the restaurant's kitchen.

 One morning, the old mick was surprised to receive an invoice
 in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for "enjoyment of
 food".  Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to
 point out that he had not bought a thing from them.

 The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should
 pay us for it."  The old mick refused to pay and the
 restaurant took him to court.

 At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present
 their side of the case.  The manager said, "Every day, this
 man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food
 while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added
 value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for
 it."

 The judge turned to Mike and said, "What do you have to say
 to that?"  The old Irish gent didn't say a thing but smiled
 and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins
 he had inside.

 The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"

 The old gent replied with a mile wide grin, - "I'm paying
 for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."

Top
Subj:     Waitress Sued Hooters Restaurant (S402b)
          From: agrief on 9/23/2004
 Source: (Removed from bonitadailynews.com)
 
 Sunday, July 29, 2001
 Associated Press 

 PANAMA CITY - Oh, what a feeling. Toy Yoda! 

 A former Hooters waitress has sued the
 restaurant where she worked, saying she
 was promised a new Toyota for winning a
 beer sales contest. 

 Instead, she said, she won a new toy Yoda
 - the little green guy from the "Star Wars"
 movies. 

 Jodee Berry, 26, won a contest to see who
 could sell the most beer in April at the
 Hooters in Panama City Beach. She said the
 top-selling waitresses from each Hooters
 restaurant in the area were entered into
 a drawing and her name was picked.

 She believed she'd won a new car.


Jodee Berry sits with her toy Yoda at her lawyer's
office. Berry, a former Hooters waitress, has sued
the restaurant where she worked saying she was
promised a new Toyota for winning a beer sales
contest. Berry, 26, won the contest in April.  She
believed she'd won a new car.  She was blindfolded
and led to the restaurant parking lot, but when the
blindfold was removed she found she was the winner
not of a Toyota, but a toy Yoda, the little green
guy from Star Wars.
AP photo by Terry Barner/ The Panama City News Herald
 She was blindfolded and led to the restaurant parking lot,
 but when her blindfold was removed she found she was the
 winner not of a Toyota, but a toy Yoda doll.

 Inside the restaurant, the manager was laughing, Berry said.
 She wasn't.

 "A corporation can't lead their employees on like that,"
 Berry said. "It's not good business ethics. They can't do
 that to people."

 Berry quit the restaurant a week later.

 She sued Gulf Coast Wings, Inc., owners of the restaurant,
 alleging breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation.
 Her lawyer, Stephen West of Pensacola, said he was also
 looking at false advertising statutes.

 She's seeking as compensation the cost of a new Toyota.

 Stuart Houston, a spokesman for the company, said it hadn't
 been served with the lawsuit and he could not comment.

 Berry said restaurant manager Jared Blair told his
 waitresses he didn't know what kind of Toyota it would be
 - a car, truck or van - but told them the winner would be
 responsible for the tax on the vehicle.

 Blair, reached at the restaurant Saturday, said he had no
 comment.

Top
Subj:     Jewish Man Has Soup With Bread (S382b, S587b)
          From: mrx on 5/26/2004
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 4/16/2008

 An old Jewish man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He
 always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him
 how he liked his meal. The old man replies (with Yiddish
 accent) "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."

 So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him
 four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager
 asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread,"
 comes the reply.

 So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him
 eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the
 manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more
 bread," comes the reply.

 So ... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give
 him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your
 meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass
 goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes
 the reply once again.

 The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say
 that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the
 bakery, and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the
 man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the
 manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of
 each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to
 his bowl of soup. The old man sits down, and devours both
 his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf
 of bread.

 The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking
 for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal, the
 manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY,
 sir?"

 The old Jew replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you
 are back to giving only two slices of bread!"

Top
Subj:     Man And Ostrich Enter Restaurant (S362, S744)
          From: gordonschuk on 4/2/2007
      and From: rfslick on 4/15/2011

 A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
 behind him.  As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks
 for their orders.

 The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,"
 and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

 "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

 A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
 "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his
 pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

 The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the
 man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and
 the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

 Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with
 exact change.

 This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two
 enter again.  "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this
 is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
 salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.

 A short time later the waitress comes with the order and
 says, "That will be $12.62."  Once again the man pulls exact
 change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

 The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

 "Excuse me, sir.  How do you manage to always come up with
 the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

 "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the
 attic and I found an old lamp.  When I rubbed it a Genie
 appeared and offered me two wishes.

 My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I
 would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of
 money would always be there."

 "That's brilliant!" says the waitress.  "Most people would
 wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always
 be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

 "That's right.  Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls
 Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

 The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

 The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for
 a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
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Photo from ADLand
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Top
Subj:     World Restraurant (S309)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/3/2003

 Waitress: Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.

 Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Rumania long, either. Venice
 lunch ready?

 Waitress: I'll Russia table. What are you Ghana Havre?
 Aix?

 Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can Jamaica cook
 step on the Gaza bit?

 Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but listen for her Wales.

 Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.

 Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself.
 I'm only here to Serbia.

 Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt me.
 There's an Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know
 who I am!

 Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!

 Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you think
 this arguing Alps business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!

 Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in
 the neck. Pay your Czech and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!

 Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my France and Taiwan
 on Zanzibar is open.

Top
Subj:     Cold Chili (S153, S614c)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-13
      and From: darrellvip on 10/15/2008

 A man enters a cafe and sits down.  He notices that the special
 of the day is cold chili.  When the waitress comes to take his
 order, he says, "I'll take the cold chili."

 "I'm sorry, the gentlemen next to you got the last bowl," says
 the waitress.

 "Oh.  I'll just have coffee, then."  After a while the man notices
 that the guy next to him who got the last bowl of cold chili is
 finishing a rather large meal and the chili bowl is still full.
 He asks, "Are you going to eat that?"

 The other man replies, "No."

 "Would you sell it to me?"

 "You can have it for free if you want it."  So the man takes
 the bowl of chili and begins to eat it.  When he gets about
 half way through the bowl, he notices a dead mouse in the bowl
 and barfs the chili back into the bowl.

 The other man says sympathetically, "That's about as far as
 I got.

Top
Subj:     Man Leaves Three Penny Tip
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #49 on 98-02-20

A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After
paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip--three
pennies.

As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to
herself: "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he
leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh,
really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"

"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man." Barely able to
conceal his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough."

"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her
perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."

"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."

Top
Subj:     Waitress Says Yes (S220b)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive 0n 5/31/97
      and From: thebartend on 2/20/2001

 After the tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail
 lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said, "Miss,
 would you give me a piece of ass?"

 "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!"
 gasped the girl.  After pausing to think, she smiled and
 added, "Sure, why not?  It's pretty slow here right now,
 so let's go!"

 When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat
 down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there
 be anything else? "

 "Yes," replied the tourist. "Where I come from in Virginia,
 we like our bourbon and water real cold.  So I still need
 a piece of ass for my drink."


Subj:     Short Waiter/Waitress Jokes
 

Top
Subj:     Dangling Restaurant (S581b in Food-Supp)
          From: ginafm on 3/14/2008
 This restaurant dangling 165 feet in the air is amazing.
 Click 'HERE' to view these eleven pictures.
 

Top
Subj:     Manager Pick-pocketed (S472c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/28/2006
 Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly,
 jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss
 in front of him--his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it.

 One day he stormed through the door and announced angrily,
 "Someone just picked my pocket!"

 Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except
 for one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
 

Top
Subj:     Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S737)
          By Jim Unger on 2/27/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 this cute Sunday comic strip about celebrating your 35th
 anniversary.
 

Top
Subj:     Little Old Man Orders Banana Split (S401b)
          From: ICohen on 10/5/2004
 A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor
 and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

 After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

 The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

 No," he replied, "arthritis".
 

Top
Subj:     Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S699)
          By Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 6/6/2010
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/shoe/2010/06/06
 Click 'HERE' to see this very cute, Sunday comic strip.
 

Top
Subj:     Waitress Says Yes, Vers. II (S166, S699)
          From: RFSlick on 04/03/2000
 The waitress was tired of this one patron always hitting
 on her, so she came up with a plan.

 "I'll tell ya what, stud.  I'll have sex with ya on two
 conditions.  First, it'll cost ya 50 bucks.  Second, you
 have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will
 flash."

 He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball
 machine.
 

Top
Subj:     Herman Cartoon II (S665b)
          By Jim Unger on 9/30/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2009/09/30
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon about restaurants.
 

Top
Subj:     Ordering Before Your Wife (S657b)
          From: tom on 8/8/2009
 I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter, for some
 reason, took my order first.

 "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

 He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

 "Nah, she can order for herself."
 

Top
Subj:     Herman Cartoon (S652)
          By Jim Unger on 7/11/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2009/07/11
 Click 'HERE' to see this different cartoon about
 going to a restaurant.
 

Top
Subj:     Treasury Secretary Has Expired Visa Card (S379b)
          From: igiggle on 5/5/2004
 In 1979 Treasure Secretary Michael Blumenthal found himself
 in an embarrassing situation in Beethoven's, an expensive
 San Francisco restaurant.  Blumenthal was confronted with a
 sizable dinner bill, an expired Visa card, and a waiter who
 wanted proof of signature to back up an out-of-town check.
 Blumenthal solved his predicament in a way only he could:
 He produced a dollar bill and pointed out his own signature,
 W.M. Blumenthal, in the bottom right-hand corner.  The
 signatures matched, and Blumenthal's personal check was accepted.
 

Top
Subj:     In-N-Out Burger Cult Site (S313)
          From: gheckman on 1/31/2003
 If you are an In-N-Out Burger fan go to the following site:
 http://www.zenlemur.com/innout.shtml
 

Top
Subj:     Stockholm Restraunt's Toilet Seats (S302b)
          From: jerry on 11/14/2002
 A Stockholm restaurant completely disgusted a customer when,
 in response to the customer asking about the missing toilet
 seat in the men's room, in full view of the man,
 removed the missing toilet seat from the dishwasher where it
 was washed alongside the kitchen utensils.

 And what did the restaurant have to say to the repulsed
 customer?

 They told him "the freshly washed toilet seat would be warm
 and pleasant to sit on." They didn't mention anything about
 the unique experience one would have using the kitchen utensils.

 Reuters via Yahoo News 14-Nov-02
 

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.............................From Smiley_Central.
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