Subj: New York Jokes
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 26854n,10,cf)
Click "Here" for New_York-Supp
For You Ben Laden
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Man
Hit By Car In New York'
ANAGRAMS file- 'Anagrams For Osama Bin Laden'
ARABS file - 'Two Terrorists Get Visas'
CABDRIVER - 'New York Cabbie'
Cats2 file - 'New York Cat In Winter'
CLINTON file - 'NY,NY'
CONTRACTORS - 'Three Contractors Tour The White House'
COWBOY file - 'New York Sorority Girl Visits Texas'
DRINKING_BR2 - 'How Budweiser Handled 9/11'
FACTS3 file - 'New Airport Managers'
FACTS5 file - 'Low Student Scores In New York'
GOD2 file - 'Anne Graham, God, And September 11'
.........GOLF2 file - 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not'
HEAVEN1 file - 'New Yorkers Goes To Heaven'
HOOKER file - 'Streets Of New York'
......................- 'Mother, Daughter, And The Cabbie'
HOTEL file - 'Ten Tallest Towers'
INDIAN file - 'Indian At Times Square'
JEWISH3 file - 'The Taylor' - Movie
JUDGE file - 'Man Goes To Court For Traffic Ticket'
LAWYER2 file - 'New York Lawyer Goes To Heaven'
MOVIES2 file - 'Jeff Bridges Tells Jay Leno A Joke' - Movie
NATIONAL file- 'Root Out Terrorists!'
NATIONAL2 - 'British Mirror On September 11'
NATIONAL_STTS- 'When It's Cold In Buffalo'
NATIVES file - 'Cannibals Capture French, English, And New Yorker'
PENIS2 file - 'Texan Has A Baby'
SEX2 file - 'NYC Carpenter Makes "Ergonomic Erotica"'
SHIP file - 'USS New York'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Military Retaliation'
SPERM file - 'New York State County Worker Fired'
TEAR JERKER2 - 'A Little Boy In New York'
TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Daddy's Pink Rose'
Boatlift, An Untold Tale of 9/11 Resilience
Narated by Tom Hanks
From: kgilmour2000 on 9/22/2011 (S767d)
Tom Hanks narrates the epic story
of the 9/11 boatlift
that evacuated half a million people from the stricken
piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan. Produced and
directed by Eddie Rosenstein, Eyepop Productions, Inc.
Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to
see this incredible, true story.
About half way through this twelve
minute video, the
immensity of what I was seeing hit me. I started
crying and couldn't stop.
Subj: New Yorkers Honeymoon On Train (S221, S513)
From: thebartend on 4/16/2001
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/15/2006
After returning from his honeymoon
in Florida with his new
bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood
barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a
perfect except for da train
a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at
Grand Centrala Station. My
beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with
vino and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a 'forward
to da trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened
up a da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged
his a finger at us and a
say, 'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia,
we go to dining car,
eat a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino.
Conductor come again, wag his'a finger and say, 'No
drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'
"So we go to club'a car.
While'a drinking vino, I start
to light'a my big'a cigar. The conductor, he wag'a his
finger again and say, 'No smoke'a in dese'a car. Must'a
go to smoker car.'
"We go to smoker car and I smoke'a
my cigar. Later, my
beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and'a go
to bed. We just about to have'a sex and the conductor,
he come'a through car yelling, 'NO-FOLK'A, VIRGINIA!'
"Next'a time, Ima driva down!!"
Subj: New York City Won't Repair Voting Machines (S334b - New_york)
From: jerry on 6/18/2003
The New York City Board of Elections
has said they will
not repair the city's 7,000 voting machines that were
responsible for some estimated 60,000 lost votes in the
2000 presidential election, most of which would have
gone to Democratic candidates, because, according to the
Republican commissioner, most of those people whose votes
were not counted never intended to have their votes count
anyway but only came down to the polling places to make it
look like they were doing their civic duty. And, says
Republican commissioner Stephen Weiner, fixing the
machines would therefore be tantamount to forcing people\
to vote against their will.
Newsday (Long Island, New York) 16-Apr-03
StoryCorps - She Was The One (S762)
Created by StoryCorps
From: Wimp.com on 9/7/2011
When Richie Pecorella met Karen
Juday, she captured his
heart and changed his life. They were engaged and living
together in Brooklyn when Karen was killed in the terrorist
attacks on the World Trade Center, where she worked as an
administrative assistant. Here, Richie remembers Karen,
his love and inspiration.
Click on either of the top two
sources, or 'HERE' for my
copy, to see and hear the story of Richie Pecorella and
Karen Juday as portrayed in this story/cartoon by StoryCorps.
StoryCorps is an American non-profit
mission is to record, preserve, and share the stories of
Americans from all backgrounds and beliefs.
Subj: The Towers (S244, DU)
From: TAdams on 10/2/2001
On misty night, when tolls the
The twins, their mournful story tell,
Of evil plan and sore intent
To murder young, and innocent
Who not their scheduled time had spent,
And render thus a Nation rent.
But waked a sleeping Giant, they
In arrogance, who chose their prey,
And foolishly considered naught
The consequence of what they wrought.
The Giant awoke, as well he may
And rose to fight another day.
And then with fury full unleashed
The Stealthy hid like hunted beast
No haven do they find to hide
For All the World their deeds deride.
-- Margaret S. Emanuelson, Howardsville, Va
Subj: Dr. Seuss On Twin Towers (S243, DU)
From: trumpetz on 9/22/2001
Every U down in Uville liked
U.S. a lot,
But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not.
The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way!
Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say,
It could be his turban was screwed on too tight.
Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But, Whatever the reason, his heart or his turban,
He stood facing Uville, the part that was urban.
"They're doing their business," he snarled from his perch.
"They're raising their families! They're going to church!
They're leading the world, and their empire is thriving,
I MUST keep the S's and U's from surviving!"
Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's and the S's,
Would put on their pants and their shirts and their dresses,
They'd go to their offices, playgrounds and schools,
And abide by their U and S values and rules,
And then they'd do something he liked least of all,
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand all united, each U and each S,
And they'd sing Uville's anthem, "God bless us! God bless!"
All around their Twin Towers of Uville, they'd stand,
and their voices would drown every sound in the land.
"I must stop that singing," Binch said with a smirk,
And he had an idea-an idea that might work!
The Binch stole some U airplanes in U morning hours,
And crashed them right into the Uville Twin Towers.
"They'll wake to disaster!" he snickered, so sour,
"And how can they sing when they can't find a tower?"
The Binch cocked his ear as they woke from their sleeping,
All set to enjoy their U-wailing and weeping,
Instead he heard something that started quite low,
And it built up quite slow, but it started to grow-
And the Binch heard the most unpredictable thing...
And he couldn't believe it-they started to sing!
He stared down at U-ville, not trusting his eyes,
What he saw was a shocking, disgusting surprise!
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any towers at all!
He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from singing! It sung!
For down deep in the hearts of the old and the young,
Those Twin Towers were standing, called Hope ? called Pride,
And you can't smash the towers we hold deep inside.
So we circle the sites where our heroes did fall,
With a hand in each hand of the tall and the small,
And we mourn for our losses while knowing we'll cope,
For we still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope.
For America means a bit more than tall towers,
It means more than wealth or political powers,
It's more than our enemies ever could guess,
So may God bless America! Bless us! God bless!
Empire State Building Construction (S737)
From: tom on 2/23/2011 (in Engineer2)
The Empire State Building was the highest
To make way for the new skyscraper
the old Waldorf-
With 102 stories, it was the
tallest building in the world
for forty years. Only when the first tower of the World
Trade Center was completed in 1972 was it deposed as the
||Click on Source1, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to
see twenty great photos with comments about
the construction of the Empire State Building.
Photo from Youtube.com
||Click on Source2, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
forty-two seconds of archive footage from the
building of Empire State Building.
Photo from Youtube.com
||Click on Source3, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
a tour of the Empire State Building. It discusses
the history of the building, and the difficulties
in constructing it's foundation. The video was
created by the History channel.
A man from Norfolk, VA called
a local radio station to share
this on Sept 11th, 2003. His Name was Robert Matthews.
These are his words:
"A few weeks before Sept. 11th,
my wife and I found out we
were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out
to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport,
we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with
her. Shortly after I said 'amen,' we both heard a loud pop
and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire I
replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed
her flight. Both very upset, we drove home.
I received a call from my father
who was retired NYFD. He
asked what my wife's flight number was, but I explained
that we missed the flight. My father informed me that her
flight was the one that crashed into the southern tower.
I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news
for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can
just sit by for; I have to do something.' I was concerned
for his safety, of course, but more because he had never
given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his
mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said,
'take good care of my grandchild.'
Those were the last words I ever
heard my father say; he
died while helping in the rescue effort.
My joy that my prayer of safety
for my wife had been
answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my
father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years
blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never
know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ,
and I never got to say goodbye Then something happened.
About two months ago, I was sitting
at home with my wife
and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked
at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone.
I opened the door to a couple with a small child.
The man looked at me and asked
if my father's name was
Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my
hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father,
but it is an honor to meet his son.'
He explained to me that his wife
had worked in the World
Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack.
She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He
then explained that my father had been the one to find his
wife and free her.
My eyes welled up with tears
as I thought of my father
giving his life for people like this. He then said, 'there
is something else you need to know.'
His wife then told me that as
my father worked to free
her, she talked to him and lead him to Christ.
I began sobbing at the news.
Now I know that when I get
to heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to
welcome me, and that this family would be able to
thank him themselves.
When their baby boy was born,
they named him Jacob
Matthew in honor of the man who gave his life so mother
and baby could live."
Subj: Traffic Jam In NYC (S422b, DU)
From: DoctorDebt on 2/19/2005
A stock broker, on his way home
from work in New York City,
came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow,
this seems much worse than usual. He notices a police officer
walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down
his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary
Clinton is depressed, so she
stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in
gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband has
spent all her money and the Democrats told her to forget
about running for President in 2008. So we're taking up a
collection for her.
The stock broker asks, "How much
have you got so far?" The
officer replies "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are
9-11 Attack (S504)
After 9-11 I remember watching
this 7,000 KB movie at least
twenty times and crying every time. This updated version
is a wonderful tribute to all the people of America. You
can see it at the source above, or on my web site by
Subj: You Know You're From The Bronx (Da Bronx) If (S480, DU)
From: ICohen on 11/19/2003
and From: mauriceschumacher on 4/3/2006
You know someone who went to
Roosevelt, Taft, Morris,
Columbus,Evander,Smith,Gompers, Jane Adams, Dodge, Kennedy,
Truman, Lehman, Clinton, Walton, Science, Monroe,
Stevenson, All Hallows, Catherine's, Cathedral, Ursula,
Fordham, Rice, Aquinas, Barnabas, Mt St. Michael, Preston,
Helena's, Hayes, Raymond's, Spellman, Tolentine and many
You know that Lehman College
is really Hunter College in
You actually think the subway
is fun and a very reliable
form of transportation.
You've taken the Bx 1, 2, 4,
6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 16,
20, 31, 34 or 41 bus, at least once in your life.
You agree that the Grand Concourse
has too many lights
and no parking!
When people ask you where you're
from you tell them the
closest train stop.
You don't go to Manhattan.
You go "downtown." You say
downtown and expect everyone to know that this means
You never realize you have an
accent until one of your
new neighbors tells you it's cute.
You're the toughest person you
know; your best friend
is a close second.
There was at least one pizza
place about 1 block from
You curse .... a lot! With no guilt whatsoever!
You were sure Son of Sam was
looking for you, so you
wore your long dark hair with a scarf.
You went to Orchard Beach and
walked all the way to
section 13 which was the best section.
You went to Rye Playland at least once a year.
Your friends came over to hang
out on the porch/stoop
or in front your house/apt building.
You've been to the Bronx Zoo
? Botanical Gardens on
You shopped at Alexander's on Fordham Road.
You stop and have a Gorman's Frank on Fordham Road.
You call it the Stadium, not Yankee Stadium.
You used to go to Fordham Road
to buy jewelry and
You bought a slice of pizza AND a soda for $. 25
You still don't understand why
people are crazy enough
to drive to the Stadium for a Yankee game, when you
can take the 4 or the D train.
You know that Riverdale is really the Bronx.
Every year when you were little
around Christmas time
you would go to see the houses on Pelham Parkway ....
only if your parents had a car.
You know how to get on a bus using the rear door.
You have never been to the Statue
of Liberty or the
Empire State Building.
You know that the Bronx is the
best borough of all,
except for maybe Manhattan.... maybe.
You went to #6 parking lot at Jones Beach.
In high school, you cruised the
strip on Central Ave
You had to take city buses and/or
the subway to get to
high school, most likely walk to school too, unless you
went to Spellman ? you got your own special bus.
Your mother would yell your name
out the window when it
was time to come home and eat or time to go to sleep.
You played stick ball and stoop ball, potsy, etc.
You rode horses in Pelham Bay Park or Van Cortlandt Park.
When you say "New York" you mean the "City."
The rest of the state really doesn't exist.
You know what a bodega is .....
you secretly wish there
was one where you live now.
Jaywalking is imaginary.
It is an important skill you
were taught when learning how to cross the street.
You went sleigh riding at the
Van Cortlandt golf course,
or Danger Hill.
You knew New Jersey sucked before the phrase came into vogue.
You know it is really the "Liberry" and not the Library.
You know what a Spaldeen is, right?
You kept your bike underneath
the stairway on the first
floor hallway of your apartment building.
Your fire escape was the closest thing you had to a back yard.
You've played Ringaleevio ? Kick
the Can around your
You have a great sense of humor.
You know that the Pelham diner
is one of the best diners
in all of New York City.
During the summer, you went to
the public park to play
in the sprinklers.
You know that all people from
places outside of the Bronx
don't know what they missed out on ... and
You know you're from the Bronx
if this e-mail made you a
little nostalgic, ? you wish you could back ? do it all
BUT, you know that it will never
be the same ever again
for the rest of your life!! You were privileged to have
been there at the right time and place!!!
From: email@example.com on 4/3/2006
You can get into a four-hour
argument about how to get
from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find
Wisconsin on a map.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You believe that being able to
swear at people in their
own language makes you multi-lingual.
You've worn out a car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
Subj: Gratitude And Charity (S274, DU)
From: JBCARY1 on 1/25/2002
CNN Headline News did a short
news listing regarding Ford
and GM's contributions to the relief and recovery efforts
in New York and Washington. The findings are as follows...
1. Ford- $1 million to American
Red Cross matching
employee contributions of the same number plus 10
Excursions to NY Fire Dept. The company also offered
ER response team services and office space to displaced
2. GM- $1 million to American
Red Cross matching employee
contributions of the same number and a fleet of vans,
SUV's, and trucks.
3. Daimler Chrysler- $10 million
to support of the
children and victims of the Sept. 11 attack.
4. Harley Davidson motorcycles-
$1 million and 30 new
motorcycles to the New York Police Dept.
5. Volkswagen- Employees and
management created a Sept.
11 Foundation, funded initial with $2 million, for the
assistance of the children and victims of the WTC.
6. Hyundai- $300,000 to the American Red Cross.
7. Audi- Nothing.
8. BMW- Nothing.
9. Daewoo- Nothing.
10. Fiat- Nothing.
11. Honda- Nothing despite boasting
of second best sales
month ever in August 2001
12. Isuzu- Nothing.
13. Mitsubishi- Nothing.
14. Nissan- Nothing.
15. Porsche- Nothing. Press release
with condolences via
the Porsche website.
16. Subaru- Nothing.
17. Suzuki- Nothing.
18. Toyota- Nothing despite claims
of high sales in July
and August 2001. Condolences posted on the website
Whenever the time may be for
you to purchase or lease a
new vehicle, keep this information in mind. You might
want to give more consideration to a car manufactured
by an American owned and / or American based company.
Apart from Hyundai and Volkswagen, the foreign car
companies contributed nothing at all to the citizens of
the United States. It's OK for these companies to take
money out of this country, but it is apparently not
acceptable to return some in a time of crisis. I believe
we should not forget things like this. Say thank you in
a way that gets their attention. Pass it on.
Subj: New York Driving Rules! (S265b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/19/2002
Turn signals will give away your
next move. A real Long
Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa
may be illegal.
Under no circumstances should
you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, or the space
will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even
more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in
a single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through
a red light, the smaller the
chance you have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older
car that needs extensive
Braking is to be done as hard
and late as possible to
ensurhat your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot
massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
Electronic traffic warning signs
are not there to provide
useful information. They are only there to make Long
Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing
the state police radar car parked on the median.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures,
given only as
suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during
Always slow down and rubberneck
when you see an accident,
or even if someone is just changing a tire.
Throwing litter on the roads
adds color to the landscape
and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
It is assumed that state police
cars passing at high
speed may be followed in the event you need to make up
a few minutes on your way to work, or the beach.
Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain
are no reasons to change
any of the previously listed rules. These weather
conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection
process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
Subj: Don't Tread On Me (S241b, DU)
From: jerry on 9/12/2001
In December, 1775, an American
colonist (believed by many
scholars to be Benjamin Franklin), noticed the increasing
use of a symbol throughout the colonies, stamped onto
barrels and other items, depicting a coiled rattlesnake
with the words ''Don't Tread On Me'' written below the snake.
And he wondered about how the symbol of a rattlesnake could
be a symbol of the American desire for freedom? He wrote
the following words, after giving it some thought. Words
which are just as relevant now, in light of the attack, as
they were back in 1775.
"... the Rattle-Snake is found
in no other quarter of the
world besides America. She never begins an attack, nor,
when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an
emblem of magnanimity and true courage. ... she never
wounds 'till she has generously given notice, even to her
enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading
You can see images of this "Gadsden"
flag as well as other
U.S. flags using this symbolism at
If the constant bombing of Britain
by Hitler's Germany
and the attack on Pearl Harbor by the imperial forces of
Japan during WW II taught any lesson to those who commit
atrocities, it's that attacking civilians and someone's
homeland does not demoralize anyone nor gain any new
supporters for a cause, but rather rallies people into a
mightier, more dangerous retaliatory force.
I am heartened by all the help
coming from all around the
world; from just about every country. I have read about
long lines of people in other countries waiting for their
turn to donate blood. Yes, the world is full of wonderful
and caring people.
A father of one of the boys in
my son's boy scout troop
was on flight 11. A co-worker's next door neighbor was
on flight 11. And a woman in town we know lost her
daughter on flight 11.
I've suspended publication of
the Bonehead Of The Day
Award during this solemn time. I just don't feel like
being silly right now. I plan on resuming either later
this week or next week.
Subj: Nostradamus' Prediction on WW3 (S241, DU)
From: jessnordman on 9/13/2001
"In the year of the new century
and nine months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror...
The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.
Fire approaches the great new city..."
"In the city of york there will be a great collapse,
2 twin brothers torn apart by chaos
while the fortress falls the great leader will succumb
third big war will begin when the big city is burning"
He said this will be bigger than
the previous two.
2001 is the first year of the new century and this is the
9th month. New York is located at the 41st degree Latitude.
I attempted to read translations
of the quatrains on WWIII.
The best I could do was the following:
is a question/answer site about Nostradamus
interpretation of Nostradamus's quatrains on WWIII.
At newsgroup alt.prophecies.nostradamus
all sorts of opinions about New York and the predictions.
I still don't know how accurate
the above quote is.
Subj: The Nostradamus
From: BennoRo on 9/25/2001
This piece sez that the great Nostradamus never wrote the
quote recently attributed to him, now widespread on the net:
This is just an Urban Legend.
the Tonight Show with Jay Leno (S245)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/10/2001
Now this really annoys me; all these people getting on
the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If
Nostradamus were alive today his name would be Miss Cleo
and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute.
Subj: New Yorkers And Their Cell Phones (S233b, DU)
From: TAdams on 7/13/2001
This is an excerpt from Michael
Graham's column about New
Yorkers, and their latest Cell Phone epiphany...
The big breakthrough, however, came last week when the state
of New York banned the use of hand-held cell phones while
driving. South Carolinians may be dumb, but we're not stupid.
At least, not that stupid.
When we saw the poll numbers
showing that 85% of New Yorkers
supported the cell phone ban, we Southerners just shook our
heads and muttered "Only in New York." By the way, my
Yankee friends, if 85% of you think talking on cell phones
while driving is bad...WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT DOWN YOUR DAMN
PHONES? Eight-five percent of the problem would be solved
instantaneously, and without an overbearing, unnecessary law.
Ah, but it is a uniquely Northern
type of dumb that allows
the government to deny the rights of all because of the
foolish behavior of the few, and to be celebrated by the
majority for doing so. This would never happen down South,
where people unable to drive and talk at the same time used
to be called dumb. Now we call them "New Yorkers."
Are some citizens incapable of
driving safely while
carrying on a conversation? Of course. What New Yorkers
are laughably unable to grasp-but that we Southerners
understand very well-is that stupid people will reveal
their stupidity in their actions. A moron is a moron,
with or without a phone in his hand.
If you New Yorkers really want
safer streets, instead of
arresting drivers for using a device that might distract
them, why not just arrest drivers who are driving while
distracted? Any driver weaving from lane to lane, running
stop signs and tailgating is a menace who should be
stopped. What difference does it make if this dangerous
driver is talking on a phone, reading a book or buttering
a bialy? (I used to live at 81st and York)
The South has long been considered
a more superstitious,
less rational region of the nation. But no Southern
legislature would approve such a totemic ban on "evil"
objects like cell phones. (NY motto: "Bad Drivers Don't
Kill People-Cell Phones Do") A driver who plowed into a
tree and then said, "It wasn't me, officer, it was this
bad, bad talkin' machine" would be laughed right out of
by John Graziano
From: Comics.com on 5/1/2009
Subj: Top Twenty Signs You're From New York (DU)
From: ossama on 98-07-08
1. You say "the city" and expect
everyone to know
that this means Manhattan.
2. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.
3. You have never been to the
Statue of Liberty
or the Empire State Building.
4. You can get into a four-hour
argument about how to get
from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday
before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
5. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
6. The subway makes sense.
7. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.
8. You believe that being able
to swear at people
in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
9. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
10. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple."
11. Your door has more than three locks.
12. You go to a hockey game for
In the stands. To participate.
13. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
14. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
15. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
16. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
17. You complain about having to mow it.
18. You are a skee-ball juggernaut.
19. You consider Westchester "Upstate."
20. You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Wapner.
Subj: Pollster In New York (S188, S634b)
from THE GAG ROOM, 03/16/97
A pollster was taking opinions
outside the United Nations
building in New York City. He approached four men waiting
to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and
a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I would like
to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"
The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"
The New Yorker replied, "Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?'"
Subj: Short New Yorker Jokes
Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
By Dan Piraro on 10/23/2011
Drawing from CafePress.com
Subj: World Trade Center And Word (S242)
From: pns on 9/21/2001
Here is another one of these "Do You Believe" about the
recent tragedy and the people who have organized this
1- Open Microsoft Word or Word Perfect
2- Type Q33 NY (That is the flight number of one of the
airplanes that crashed into the World Trade Center)
3- Change font size to: 26
4- Change the font style to: Wingdings
Do you think that this is also a coincidence ???
Star Wars Premier In New York City (S551)
From: YouTube.com on 8/11/2007 (in ST1)
Picture from YouTube...
Subj: New York Tragedy And Education (S241b)
From: jtgalvan on 9/13/2001
In the wake of the terrible tragedy, the sleeping giant is
awakening...and it becomes the challenge of the educational
community to channel this emotion and heightened awareness
of our freedom and democratic rights so hard earned by our
forefathers into a positive outcome, with respect to all
Americans, regardless of their ethnic origin...
Subj: New York Pointer (S443b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/12/2005
Subj: Another Twin Towers Tribute (S337b)
From: RFSlick on 7/17/2003
Another great Twin Towers tribute video at
Subj: The Twin Towers And Numbers (S241b)
From: gheckman on 9/14/2001
Date of the attack: 9/11 = 9 + 1 + 1 = 11.
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end
of the year.
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like
the number 11.
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11.
State of New York - The 11th State added to the Union.
New York City - 11 Letters.
The Pentagon - 11 Letters.
Afghanistan - 11 Letters.
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the
attack on the WTC in 1993).
Flight 11 -> 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11.
Flight 77 -> 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11.
There are some people out there
with way too much time
on their hands.
In NYC it is illegal for a man
to turn around and look
"at a woman in that way", and violators are forced to wear
Columbia University is the second
largest landowner in
New York City, after the Catholic Church.
From: auntieg on 98-11-14 (S190)
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/18/2002
Q: Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
A: The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.
|Smiley in New York from