Subj: New York Jokes
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 26854n,10,cf)
Click "Here" for New_York-Supp
For You Ben Laden
from
Mike's Animation
| >>>
Subj: New York Jokes (Includes 29 jokes and articles, 26854n,10,cf) Click "Here" for New_York-Supp |
|
For You Ben Laden from Mike's Animation |
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Man
Hit By Car In New York'
ANAGRAMS file- 'Anagrams
For Osama Bin Laden'
ARABS file - 'Two
Terrorists Get Visas'
CABDRIVER - 'New
York Cabbie'
Cats2 file - 'New
York Cat In Winter'
CLINTON file - 'NY,NY'
CONTRACTORS - 'Three
Contractors Tour The White House'
COWBOY file - 'New
York Sorority Girl Visits Texas'
DRINKING_BR2 - 'How
Budweiser Handled 9/11'
FACTS3 file - 'New
Airport Managers'
FACTS5 file - 'Low
Student Scores In New York'
GOD2 file - 'Anne
Graham, God, And September 11'
.........GOLF2
file - 'Ripley's
Believe It Or Not'
HEAVEN1 file - 'New
Yorkers Goes To Heaven'
HOOKER file - 'Streets
Of New York'
......................-
'Mother,
Daughter, And The Cabbie'
HOTEL file - 'Ten
Tallest Towers'
INDIAN file - 'Indian
At Times Square'
JEWISH3 file - 'The Taylor'
- Movie
JUDGE file - 'Man
Goes To Court For Traffic Ticket'
LAWYER2 file - 'New
York Lawyer Goes To Heaven'
MOVIES2 file - 'Jeff Bridges
Tells Jay Leno A Joke' - Movie
NATIONAL file- 'Root
Out Terrorists!'
NATIONAL2 - 'British
Mirror On September 11'
NATIONAL_STTS- 'When
It's Cold In Buffalo'
NATIVES file - 'Cannibals
Capture French, English, And New Yorker'
PENIS2 file - 'Texan
Has A Baby'
SEX2 file - 'NYC
Carpenter Makes "Ergonomic Erotica"'
SHIP file - 'USS
New York'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Military
Retaliation'
SPERM file - 'New
York State County Worker Fired'
TEAR JERKER2 - 'A
Little Boy In New York'
TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Daddy's
Pink Rose'
============================================================Top
 |
Subj:
Boatlift, An Untold Tale of 9/11 Resilience
Narated by Tom Hanks From: kgilmour2000 on 9/22/2011 (S767d) |
Tom Hanks narrates the epic story
of the 9/11 boatlift
that evacuated half a million
people from the stricken
piers and seawalls of Lower
Manhattan. Produced and
directed by Eddie Rosenstein,
Eyepop Productions, Inc.
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to
see this incredible, true story.
About half way through this twelve
minute video, the
immensity of what I was seeing
hit me. I started
crying and couldn't stop.
\\\//
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Subj: New
Yorkers Honeymoon On Train (S221, S513)
From: thebartend on 4/16/2001
and
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/15/2006
After returning from his honeymoon
in Florida with his new
bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped
in his New York neighborhood
barbershop to say hello to his
friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a
perfect except for da train
a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at
Grand Centrala Station. My
beautifula Virginia had packed
a biga basket a food with
vino and cigars for a me, and
a we were looking a 'forward
to da trip. All was OK
until we gotta hungry and opened
up a da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged
his a finger at us and a
say, 'No eat in dese'a car.
Must'a use'a dining car.'
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia,
we go to dining car,
eat a big'a lunch and begin
to open'a bottle of vino.
Conductor come again, wag his'a
finger and say, 'No
drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a
use'a club'a car.'
"So we go to club'a car.
While'a drinking vino, I start
to light'a my big'a cigar.
The conductor, he wag'a his
finger again and say, 'No smoke'a
in dese'a car. Must'a
go to smoker car.'
"We go to smoker car and I smoke'a
my cigar. Later, my
beautiful Virginia and I, we
go to sleeper car and'a go
to bed. We just about
to have'a sex and the conductor,
he come'a through car yelling,
'NO-FOLK'A, VIRGINIA!'
"Next'a time, Ima driva down!!"
\\\//
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Subj: New
York City Won't Repair Voting Machines (S334b - New_york)
From: jerry on 6/18/2003
The New York City Board of Elections
has said they will
not repair the city's 7,000
voting machines that were
responsible for some estimated
60,000 lost votes in the
2000 presidential election,
most of which would have
gone to Democratic candidates,
because, according to the
Republican commissioner, most
of those people whose votes
were not counted never intended
to have their votes count
anyway but only came down to
the polling places to make it
look like they were doing their
civic duty. And, says
Republican commissioner Stephen
Weiner, fixing the
machines would therefore be
tantamount to forcing people\
to vote against their will.
Newsday (Long Island, New York) 16-Apr-03
\\\//
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| Subj:
StoryCorps - She Was The One (S762)
Created by StoryCorps From: Wimp.com on 9/7/2011 |
 |
When Richie Pecorella met Karen
Juday, she captured his
heart and changed his life.
They were engaged and living
together in Brooklyn when Karen
was killed in the terrorist
attacks on the World Trade Center,
where she worked as an
administrative assistant.
Here, Richie remembers Karen,
his love and inspiration.
Click on either of the top two
sources, or 'HERE' for my
copy, to see and hear the story
of Richie Pecorella and
Karen Juday as portrayed in
this story/cartoon by StoryCorps.
StoryCorps is an American non-profit
organization whose
mission is to record, preserve,
and share the stories of
Americans from all backgrounds
and beliefs.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Towers (S244, DU)
From: TAdams on 10/2/2001
On misty night, when tolls the
bell,
The twins, their mournful story
tell,
Of evil plan and sore intent
To murder young, and innocent
Who not their scheduled time
had spent,
And render thus a Nation rent.
But waked a sleeping Giant,
they
In arrogance, who chose their
prey,
And foolishly considered naught
The consequence of what they
wrought.
The Giant awoke, as well he
may
And rose to fight another day.
And then with fury full unleashed
The Stealthy hid like hunted
beast
No haven do they find to hide
For All the World their deeds
deride.
-- Margaret S. Emanuelson,
Howardsville, Va
\\\//
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Subj: Dr.
Seuss On Twin Towers (S243, DU)
From: trumpetz on 9/22/2001
Every U down in Uville liked
U.S. a lot,
But the Binch, who lived Far
East of Uville, did not.
The Binch hated U.S! the whole
U.S. way!
Now don't ask me why, for nobody
can say,
It could be his turban was screwed
on too tight.
Or the sun from the desert had
beaten too bright
But I think that the most likely
reason of all
May have been that his heart
was two sizes too small.
But, Whatever the reason, his
heart or his turban,
He stood facing Uville, the
part that was urban.
"They're doing their business,"
he snarled from his perch.
"They're raising their families!
They're going to church!
They're leading the world, and
their empire is thriving,
I MUST keep the S's and U's
from surviving!"
Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's
and the S's,
Would put on their pants and
their shirts and their dresses,
They'd go to their offices,
playgrounds and schools,
And abide by their U and S values
and rules,
And then they'd do something
he liked least of all,
Every U down in U-ville, the
tall and the small,
Would stand all united, each
U and each S,
And they'd sing Uville's anthem,
"God bless us! God bless!"
All around their Twin Towers
of Uville, they'd stand,
and their voices would drown
every sound in the land.
"I must stop that singing,"
Binch said with a smirk,
And he had an idea-an idea that
might work!
The Binch stole some U airplanes
in U morning hours,
And crashed them right into
the Uville Twin Towers.
"They'll wake to disaster!"
he snickered, so sour,
"And how can they sing when
they can't find a tower?"
The Binch cocked his ear as
they woke from their sleeping,
All set to enjoy their U-wailing
and weeping,
Instead he heard something that
started quite low,
And it built up quite slow,
but it started to grow-
And the Binch heard the most
unpredictable thing...
And he couldn't believe it-they
started to sing!
He stared down at U-ville, not
trusting his eyes,
What he saw was a shocking,
disgusting surprise!
Every U down in U-ville, the
tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any towers
at all!
He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from
singing! It sung!
For down deep in the hearts
of the old and the young,
Those Twin Towers were standing,
called Hope ? called Pride,
And you can't smash the towers
we hold deep inside.
So we circle the sites where
our heroes did fall,
With a hand in each hand of
the tall and the small,
And we mourn for our losses
while knowing we'll cope,
For we still have inside that
U-Pride and U-Hope.
For America means a bit more
than tall towers,
It means more than wealth or
political powers,
It's more than our enemies ever
could guess,
So may God bless America! Bless
us! God bless!
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Empire State Building Construction (S737)
From: tom on 2/23/2011 (in Engineer2) Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEnCpWMl91s&NR=1
The Empire State Building was the highest
building
To make way for the new skyscraper
the old Waldorf-
|
With 102 stories, it was the
tallest building in the world
for forty years. Only
when the first tower of the World
Trade Center was completed in
1972 was it deposed as the
highest building.
.
 |
Click on Source1, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to
see twenty great photos with comments about the construction of the Empire State Building. . Photo from Youtube.com |
 |
Click on Source2, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
forty-two seconds of archive footage from the building of Empire State Building. . Photo from Youtube.com |
 |
Click on Source3, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
a tour of the Empire State Building. It discusses the history of the building, and the difficulties in constructing it's foundation. The video was created by the History channel. |
A man from Norfolk, VA called
a local radio station to share
this on Sept 11th, 2003.
His Name was Robert Matthews.
These are his words:
"A few weeks before Sept. 11th,
my wife and I found out we
were going to have our first
child. She planned a trip out
to California to visit her sister.
On our way to the airport,
we prayed that God would grant
my wife a safe trip and be with
her. Shortly after I said
'amen,' we both heard a loud pop
and the car shook violently.
We had blown out a tire I
replaced the tire as quickly
as I could, but we still missed
her flight. Both very
upset, we drove home.
I received a call from my father
who was retired NYFD. He
asked what my wife's flight
number was, but I explained
that we missed the flight.
My father informed me that her
flight was the one that crashed
into the southern tower.
I was too shocked to speak.
My father also had more news
for me; he was going to help.
'This is not something I can
just sit by for; I have to do
something.' I was concerned
for his safety, of course, but
more because he had never
given his life to Christ.
After a brief debate, I knew his
mind was made up. Before
he got off of the phone, he said,
'take good care of my grandchild.'
Those were the last words I ever
heard my father say; he
died while helping in the rescue
effort.
My joy that my prayer of safety
for my wife had been
answered quickly became anger.
I was angry at God, at my
father, and at myself.
I had gone for nearly two years
blaming God for taking my father
away. My son would never
know his grandfather, my father
had never accepted Christ,
and I never got to say goodbye
Then something happened.
About two months ago, I was sitting
at home with my wife
and my son, when there was a
knock on the door. I looked
at my wife, but I could tell
she wasn't expecting anyone.
I opened the door to a couple
with a small child.
The man looked at me and asked
if my father's name was
Jake Matthews. I told
him it was. He quickly grabbed my
hand and said, 'I never got
the chance to meet your father,
but it is an honor to meet his
son.'
He explained to me that his wife
had worked in the World
Trade Center and had been caught
inside after the attack.
She was pregnant and had been
caught under debris. He
then explained that my father
had been the one to find his
wife and free her.
My eyes welled up with tears
as I thought of my father
giving his life for people like
this. He then said, 'there
is something else you need to
know.'
His wife then told me that as
my father worked to free
her, she talked to him and lead
him to Christ.
I began sobbing at the news.
Now I know that when I get
to heaven, my father will be
standing beside Jesus to
welcome me, and that this family
would be able to
thank him themselves.
When their baby boy was born,
they named him Jacob
Matthew in honor of the man
who gave his life so mother
and baby could live."
\\\//
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Subj: Traffic
Jam In NYC (S422b, DU)
From: DoctorDebt on 2/19/2005
A stock broker, on his way home
from work in New York City,
came to a dead halt in traffic
and thought to himself, "Wow,
this seems much worse than usual.
He notices a police officer
walking between the lines of
stopped cars, so he rolls down
his window and asks, "Officer,
what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary
Clinton is depressed, so she
stopped her motorcade and is
threatening to douse herself in
gasoline and set herself on
fire. She says her husband has
spent all her money and the
Democrats told her to forget
about running for President
in 2008. So we're taking up a
collection for her.
The stock broker asks, "How much
have you got so far?" The
officer replies "About 4 1/2
gallons, but a lot of folks are
still siphoning."
\\\//
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| Subj:
9-11 Attack (S504)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/11/2006 |
 |
After 9-11 I remember watching
this 7,000 KB movie at least
twenty times and crying every
time. This updated version
is a wonderful tribute to all
the people of America. You
can see it at the source above,
or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: You
Know You're From The Bronx (Da Bronx) If (S480, DU)
From: ICohen on 11/19/2003
and
From: mauriceschumacher on 4/3/2006
You know someone who went to
Roosevelt, Taft, Morris,
Columbus,Evander,Smith,Gompers,
Jane Adams, Dodge, Kennedy,
Truman, Lehman, Clinton, Walton,
Science, Monroe,
Stevenson, All Hallows, Catherine's,
Cathedral, Ursula,
Fordham, Rice, Aquinas, Barnabas,
Mt St. Michael, Preston,
Helena's, Hayes, Raymond's,
Spellman, Tolentine and many
more.
You know that Lehman College
is really Hunter College in
the Bronx.
You actually think the subway
is fun and a very reliable
form of transportation.
You've taken the Bx 1, 2, 4,
6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 16,
20, 31, 34 or 41 bus, at least
once in your life.
You agree that the Grand Concourse
has too many lights
and no parking!
When people ask you where you're
from you tell them the
closest train stop.
You don't go to Manhattan.
You go "downtown." You say
downtown and expect everyone
to know that this means
Manhattan.
You never realize you have an
accent until one of your
new neighbors tells you it's
cute.
You're the toughest person you
know; your best friend
is a close second.
There was at least one pizza
place about 1 block from
your house.
You curse .... a lot! With no guilt whatsoever!
You were sure Son of Sam was
looking for you, so you
wore your long dark hair with
a scarf.
You went to Orchard Beach and
walked all the way to
section 13 which was the best
section.
You went to Rye Playland at least once a year.
Your friends came over to hang
out on the porch/stoop
or in front your house/apt building.
You've been to the Bronx Zoo
? Botanical Gardens on
class trips.
You shopped at Alexander's on Fordham Road.
You stop and have a Gorman's Frank on Fordham Road.
You call it the Stadium, not Yankee Stadium.
You used to go to Fordham Road
to buy jewelry and
household appliances.
You bought a slice of pizza AND a soda for $. 25
You still don't understand why
people are crazy enough
to drive to the Stadium for
a Yankee game, when you
can take the 4 or the D train.
You know that Riverdale is really the Bronx.
Every year when you were little
around Christmas time
you would go to see the houses
on Pelham Parkway ....
only if your parents had a car.
You know how to get on a bus using the rear door.
You have never been to the Statue
of Liberty or the
Empire State Building.
You know that the Bronx is the
best borough of all,
except for maybe Manhattan....
maybe.
You went to #6 parking lot at Jones Beach.
In high school, you cruised the
strip on Central Ave
in Yonkers.
You had to take city buses and/or
the subway to get to
high school, most likely walk
to school too, unless you
went to Spellman ? you got your
own special bus.
Your mother would yell your name
out the window when it
was time to come home and eat
or time to go to sleep.
You played stick ball and stoop ball, potsy, etc.
You rode horses in Pelham Bay Park or Van Cortlandt Park.
When you say "New York" you mean the "City."
The rest of the state really doesn't exist.
You know what a bodega is .....
you secretly wish there
was one where you live now.
Jaywalking is imaginary.
It is an important skill you
were taught when learning how
to cross the street.
You went sleigh riding at the
Van Cortlandt golf course,
or Danger Hill.
You knew New Jersey sucked before the phrase came into vogue.
You know it is really the "Liberry" and not the Library.
You know what a Spaldeen is, right?
You kept your bike underneath
the stairway on the first
floor hallway of your apartment
building.
Your fire escape was the closest thing you had to a back yard.
You've played Ringaleevio ? Kick
the Can around your
apartment building.
You have a great sense of humor.
You know that the Pelham diner
is one of the best diners
in all of New York City.
During the summer, you went to
the public park to play
in the sprinklers.
You know that all people from
places outside of the Bronx
don't know what they missed
out on ... and
You know you're from the Bronx
if this e-mail made you a
little nostalgic, ? you wish
you could back ? do it all
over again.
BUT, you know that it will never
be the same ever again
for the rest of your life!!
You were privileged to have
been there at the right time
and place!!!
From: mauriceschumacher@sbcglobal.net on 4/3/2006
You can get into a four-hour
argument about how to get
from Columbus Circle to Battery
Park, but can't find
Wisconsin on a map.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You believe that being able to
swear at people in their
own language makes you multi-lingual.
You've worn out a car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
\\\//
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Subj: Gratitude
And Charity (S274, DU)
From: JBCARY1 on 1/25/2002
CNN Headline News did a short
news listing regarding Ford
and GM's contributions to the
relief and recovery efforts
in New York and Washington.
The findings are as follows...
1. Ford- $1 million to American
Red Cross matching
employee contributions of the
same number plus 10
Excursions to NY Fire Dept.
The company also offered
ER response team services and
office space to displaced
government employees.
2. GM- $1 million to American
Red Cross matching employee
contributions of the same number
and a fleet of vans,
SUV's, and trucks.
3. Daimler Chrysler- $10 million
to support of the
children and victims of the
Sept. 11 attack.
4. Harley Davidson motorcycles-
$1 million and 30 new
motorcycles to the New York
Police Dept.
5. Volkswagen- Employees and
management created a Sept.
11 Foundation, funded initial
with $2 million, for the
assistance of the children and
victims of the WTC.
6. Hyundai- $300,000 to the American Red Cross.
7. Audi- Nothing.
8. BMW- Nothing.
9. Daewoo- Nothing.
10. Fiat- Nothing.
11. Honda- Nothing despite boasting
of second best sales
month ever in August 2001
12. Isuzu- Nothing.
13. Mitsubishi- Nothing.
14. Nissan- Nothing.
15. Porsche- Nothing. Press release
with condolences via
the Porsche website.
16. Subaru- Nothing.
17. Suzuki- Nothing.
18. Toyota- Nothing despite claims
of high sales in July
and August 2001. Condolences
posted on the website
Whenever the time may be for
you to purchase or lease a
new vehicle, keep this information
in mind. You might
want to give more consideration
to a car manufactured
by an American owned and / or
American based company.
Apart from Hyundai and Volkswagen,
the foreign car
companies contributed nothing
at all to the citizens of
the United States. It's
OK for these companies to take
money out of this country, but
it is apparently not
acceptable to return some in
a time of crisis. I believe
we should not forget things
like this. Say thank you in
a way that gets their attention.
Pass it on.
\\\//
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Subj: New
York Driving Rules! (S265b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/19/2002
Turn signals will give away your
next move. A real Long
Island driver never uses them.
Use of them in Massapequa
may be illegal.
Under no circumstances should
you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front
of you, or the space
will be filled in by somebody
else putting you in an even
more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in
a single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through
a red light, the smaller the
chance you have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older
car that needs extensive
bodywork.
Braking is to be done as hard
and late as possible to
ensurhat your ABS kicks in,
giving a nice, relaxing foot
massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to
stretch your legs.
Electronic traffic warning signs
are not there to provide
useful information. They
are only there to make Long
Island look high-tech, and to
distract you from seeing
the state police radar car parked
on the median.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures,
given only as
suggestions, and are apparently
not enforceable during
rush hour.
Always slow down and rubberneck
when you see an accident,
or even if someone is just changing
a tire.
Throwing litter on the roads
adds color to the landscape
and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews
something to clean up.
It is assumed that state police
cars passing at high
speed may be followed in the
event you need to make up
a few minutes on your way to
work, or the beach.
Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain
are no reasons to change
any of the previously listed
rules. These weather
conditions are God's way of
ensuring a natural selection
process for body shops, junkyards,
and new vehicle sales.
\\\//
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Subj: Don't
Tread On Me (S241b, DU)
From: jerry on 9/12/2001
In December, 1775, an American
colonist (believed by many
scholars to be Benjamin Franklin),
noticed the increasing
use of a symbol throughout the
colonies, stamped onto
barrels and other items, depicting
a coiled rattlesnake
with the words ''Don't Tread
On Me'' written below the snake.
And he wondered about how the
symbol of a rattlesnake could
be a symbol of the American
desire for freedom? He wrote
the following words, after giving
it some thought. Words
which are just as relevant now,
in light of the attack, as
they were back in 1775.
"... the Rattle-Snake is found
in no other quarter of the
world besides America.
She never begins an attack, nor,
when once engaged, ever surrenders:
She is therefore an
emblem of magnanimity and true
courage. ... she never
wounds 'till she has generously
given notice, even to her
enemy, and cautioned him against
the danger of treading
on her.''
You can see images of this "Gadsden"
flag as well as other
U.S. flags using this symbolism
at
http://www.crwflags.com/fotw/flags/us-ratt.html#gad
If the constant bombing of Britain
by Hitler's Germany
and the attack on Pearl Harbor
by the imperial forces of
Japan during WW II taught any
lesson to those who commit
atrocities, it's that attacking
civilians and someone's
homeland does not demoralize
anyone nor gain any new
supporters for a cause, but
rather rallies people into a
mightier, more dangerous retaliatory
force.
I am heartened by all the help
coming from all around the
world; from just about every
country. I have read about
long lines of people in other
countries waiting for their
turn to donate blood.
Yes, the world is full of wonderful
and caring people.
A father of one of the boys in
my son's boy scout troop
was on flight 11. A co-worker's
next door neighbor was
on flight 11. And a woman
in town we know lost her
daughter on flight 11.
I've suspended publication of
the Bonehead Of The Day
Award during this solemn time.
I just don't feel like
being silly right now.
I plan on resuming either later
this week or next week.
Jerry Lerman
\\\//
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Subj: Nostradamus'
Prediction on WW3 (S241, DU)
From: jessnordman on 9/13/2001
"In the year of the new century
and nine months,
From the sky will come a great
King of Terror...
The sky will burn at forty-five
degrees.
Fire approaches the great new
city..."
"In the city of york there will
be a great collapse,
2 twin brothers torn apart by
chaos
while the fortress falls the
great leader will succumb
third big war will begin when
the big city is burning"
-- NOSTRADAMUS
He said this will be bigger than
the previous two.
2001 is the first year of the
new century and this is the
9th month. New York is
located at the 41st degree Latitude.
I attempted to read translations
of the quatrains on WWIII.
The best I could do was the
following:
At http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~jamesf/Nfaqs.html
is a question/answer site about
Nostradamus
At http://www.faqs.org/faqs/nostradamus/part6/
is an
interpretation of Nostradamus's
quatrains on WWIII.
At newsgroup alt.prophecies.nostradamus
there were
all sorts of opinions about
New York and the predictions.
I still don't know how accurate
the above quote is.
Subj: The Nostradamus
Prophecy (S243)
From: BennoRo on 9/25/2001
Hi Alan,
This piece sez that the great
Nostradamus never wrote the
quote recently attributed to
him, now widespread on the net:
Click here:
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/nostradamus.asp
This is just an Urban Legend.
Ben Roesch
Subj: From
the Tonight Show with Jay Leno (S245)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/10/2001
Now this really annoys me; all
these people getting on
the Internet and saying Nostradamus
predicted this. If
Nostradamus were alive today
his name would be Miss Cleo
and he'd be charging $2.99 a
minute.
\\\//
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Subj: New
Yorkers And Their Cell Phones (S233b, DU)
From: TAdams on 7/13/2001
This is an excerpt from Michael
Graham's column about New
Yorkers, and their latest Cell
Phone epiphany...
Begin excerpt:
The big breakthrough, however,
came last week when the state
of New York banned the use of
hand-held cell phones while
driving. South Carolinians
may be dumb, but we're not stupid.
At least, not that stupid.
When we saw the poll numbers
showing that 85% of New Yorkers
supported the cell phone ban,
we Southerners just shook our
heads and muttered "Only in
New York." By the way, my
Yankee friends, if 85% of you
think talking on cell phones
while driving is bad...WHY DON'T
YOU JUST PUT DOWN YOUR DAMN
PHONES? Eight-five percent
of the problem would be solved
instantaneously, and without
an overbearing, unnecessary law.
Ah, but it is a uniquely Northern
type of dumb that allows
the government to deny the rights
of all because of the
foolish behavior of the few,
and to be celebrated by the
majority for doing so. This
would never happen down South,
where people unable to drive
and talk at the same time used
to be called dumb. Now
we call them "New Yorkers."
Are some citizens incapable of
driving safely while
carrying on a conversation?
Of course. What New Yorkers
are laughably unable to grasp-but
that we Southerners
understand very well-is that
stupid people will reveal
their stupidity in their actions.
A moron is a moron,
with or without a phone in his
hand.
If you New Yorkers really want
safer streets, instead of
arresting drivers for using
a device that might distract
them, why not just arrest drivers
who are driving while
distracted? Any driver
weaving from lane to lane, running
stop signs and tailgating is
a menace who should be
stopped. What difference
does it make if this dangerous
driver is talking on a phone,
reading a book or buttering
a bialy? (I used to live at
81st and York)
The South has long been considered
a more superstitious,
less rational region of the
nation. But no Southern
legislature would approve such
a totemic ban on "evil"
objects like cell phones.
(NY motto: "Bad Drivers Don't
Kill People-Cell Phones Do")
A driver who plowed into a
tree and then said, "It wasn't
me, officer, it was this
bad, bad talkin' machine" would
be laughed right out of
Dixie.
End excerpt.
\\\//
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(S643b)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 5/1/2009 |
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Top
Twenty Signs You're From New York (DU)
From: ossama on 98-07-08
1. You say "the city" and expect
everyone to know
that this
means Manhattan.
2. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.
3. You have never been to the
Statue of Liberty
or the Empire
State Building.
4. You can get into a four-hour
argument about how to get
from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday
before a
long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
5. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
6. The subway makes sense.
7. The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.
8. You believe that being able
to swear at people
in their
own language makes you multi-lingual.
9. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
10. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple."
11. Your door has more than three locks.
12. You go to a hockey game for
the fighting.
In the stands.
To participate.
13. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
14. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
15. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
16. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
17. You complain about having to mow it.
18. You are a skee-ball juggernaut.
19. You consider Westchester "Upstate."
20. You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Wapner.
\\\//
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Subj: Pollster
In New York (S188, S634b)
from THE GAG ROOM, 03/16/97
A pollster was taking opinions
outside the United Nations
building in New York City.
He approached four men waiting
to cross the street: a Saudi,
a Russian, a North Korean and
a resident New Yorker. He asked,
"Excuse me, I would like
to ask you your opinion on the
current meat shortage?"
The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"
The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"
The New Yorker replied, "Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?'"
\\\//
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Subj: Short
New Yorker Jokes
 |
Subj:
Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
By Dan Piraro on 10/23/2011 Drawing from CafePress.com |
Top
Subj: World
Trade Center And Word (S242)
From: pns on 9/21/2001
Here is another one of these
"Do You Believe" about the
recent tragedy and the people
who have organized this
horrific terror..
1- Open Microsoft Word or Word
Perfect
2- Type Q33 NY (That is the
flight number of one of the
airplanes that
crashed into the World Trade Center)
3- Change font size to: 26
4- Change the font style to:
Wingdings
Do you think that this is also
a coincidence ???
| Subj:
Star Wars Premier In New York City (S551)
From: YouTube.com on 8/11/2007 (in ST1) Picture
from YouTube...
|
 |
Top
Subj: New
York Tragedy And Education (S241b)
From: jtgalvan on 9/13/2001
In the wake of the terrible
tragedy, the sleeping giant is
awakening...and it becomes the
challenge of the educational
community to channel this emotion
and heightened awareness
of our freedom and democratic
rights so hard earned by our
forefathers into a positive
outcome, with respect to all
Americans, regardless of their
ethnic origin...
Top
Subj: New
York Pointer (S443b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/12/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20001007
 |
Top
Subj: Another
Twin Towers Tribute (S337b)
From: RFSlick on 7/17/2003
Another great Twin Towers tribute
video at
http://64.177.83.63/liberty/email.htm
Top
Subj: The
Twin Towers And Numbers (S241b)
From: gheckman on 9/14/2001
Date of the attack: 9/11 = 9
+ 1 + 1 = 11.
September 11th is the 254th
day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
After September 11th there are
111 days left to the end
of the year.
Twin Towers - standing side
by side, looks like
the number 11.
The first plane to hit the towers
was Flight 11.
State of New York - The 11th
State added to the Union.
New York City - 11 Letters.
The Pentagon - 11 Letters.
Afghanistan - 11 Letters.
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted
or orchestrating the
attack on the WTC
in 1993).
Flight 11 -> 92 on board - 9
+ 2 = 11.
Flight 77 -> 65 on board - 6
+ 5 = 11.
There are some people out there
with way too much time
on their hands.
In NYC it is illegal for a man
to turn around and look
"at a woman in that way", and
violators are forced to wear
horse blinders...
Columbia University is the second
largest landowner in
New York City, after the Catholic
Church.
From: auntieg on 98-11-14 (S190)
Ninety percent of New York City
cabbies are recently
arrived immigrants.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/18/2002
(S274c)
Q: Why are New Yorkers always
depressed?
A: The light at the end of their
tunnel is New Jersey.
\\\//
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 |
Smiley in New York from
Smiley_Central |