Subj: Sherlock Holmes Jokes
(Includes 11 jokes and articles, 21719n,4,cf,md4w,1)
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Also see ANIM-SUPP - The Animal Stampede Mystery
Subj: Mother Goose And Grimm (DU)
by Mike Peters
From: Grimmy.com on 11/2/2008
Subj: Sherlock Holmes Riddle (S244b, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/3/2001
You are Sherlock Holmes. You investigate
the murder case of
John and Mary. You go inside their house, there's broken
glass and water on the floor. How did they die?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
They were goldfish.
Subj: Sherlock Holmes Goes Camping (S255b, S640b)
From: ossama on 98-08-27
and From: From: darrellvip on 4/14/2009
(Also see 'CO And 1st Sgt. Stare At The Stars' in SOLDIERS1)
Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping
trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes
asked: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me
what you see".
Watson said "I see millions and
millions of stars".
|Animated GIF from
SCHULACES3 on 10/16/2003
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it
tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn
is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-
powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically,
it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it
Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson. Somebody stole our tent".
In 2001 at The web site www.laughlab.co.uk/home.html
joke was voted the best of their 10,000 jokes. 47% of the
100,000 people from 70 countries gave this joke the highest
Subj: A.C.Doyle/S.Holmes Takes A Taxi (S54, S584c)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-21
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator
of the world-famous
detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales
about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. Here
is one of those stories. As he tells it, he was waiting
at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris.
When taxi pulled up, he put his suitcase in it and got
in himself. He was about to tell the taxi-driver where
he wanted to go, when the driver asked him "Where can I
take you, Mr. Doyle?"
Doyle was flabbergasted.
He asked the driver whether he
knew him by sight. The driver said "No Sir, I have never
seen you before." The puzzled Doyle asked him what made
him think that he was Conan Doyle.
The driver replied "This morning's
paper had a story about
you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi
stand where people who return from Marseilles always come
to. Your skin colour tells me you have been on vacation.
The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that
you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not
French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I
deduce that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
Doyle said "This is truly amazing.
You are a real-life
counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes.
"There is one other thing." the driver said.
"What is that?"
"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
Subj: Mother Goose And Grimm II (704b)
by Mike Peters
From: Grimmy.com on 7/12/2010
Subj: Holmes Spots Three Ladies (S237b, DU)
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
and From: dogbyte on 8/17/2001
"Good evening ladies", Sherlock
Holmes said as he passed
three women eating bananas on a park bench.
"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.
"No", Holmes replied, "I've never
met the nun, the
prostitute, or the bride we just passed."
"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson.
The nun ate the banana by
holding it one hand and using the fingers of the other
hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
"The prostitute", he continued,
"grabbed with both hands
and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed.
"But how did you know the
third was a newlywed?"
"Because she held it with one
hand and pushed her head
toward it with the other."
Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S630c)
By Charles M. Schulz
From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/1/2009
You can see this funny Sunday comic strip by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Short Holmes Stories
It is a capital mistake to theorise
before one has data.
Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories
instead of theories to suit facts." -- Sherlock Holmes
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/26/2002 (S282b)
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains,
no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
-- Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/14/2008 (S584b)
"I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before
one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit
theories, instead of theories to suit facts."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle