Subj: Dwarf Jokes
(Includes 15 jokes and articles, 08852n,1,cf,md4,0)
Dwarves House from
Also see CARS-SUPP2 - Ernie's
Dwarf Car Museum
Subj: Having An Auto Accident With A Dwarf II (S642c)
By Dan Piraro
From: Bizarro Comic Strip on 4/25/2009
This isn't really a joke (was
supposedly a true story),
but I found it funny:
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So there we are alongside
the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... and
you know how you just get sooo stressed and life seems to
get funny? Well, I could NOT believe it.. he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks
up at me and says, "I AM NOT
So, I look down at him and say,
"Well, which one are you
then?"... and THAT'S when the fight started.
Subj: Seven Dwarfs Are In A Mining Accident (S559b)
From: Fischer-J on 10/3/2007
After making seven lunches, Snow
White went to the mine to
deliver their meals. She discovered there had been a cave-in.
Frantically she starts digging to save her seven best friends.
Finally there is a little air
gap at the top of the rubble.
The princess climes to the top and yells "Dwarves, can you
A faint voice answers "Hillary in 08, Hillary in 08".
Snow White yells back "Dopey, you're alive".
Subj: Midget Cowboy's Balls Ache (S172, S621)
From: RFSlick on 5/15/00
and From: gordonschuk on 12/5/2008
There was a midget cowboy who
complained to his buddy that
his testicles ached all the time. As he was always going
on about his problem, his friend suggested that he go to
the doctor and see what he could do to relieve the problem.
The midget took his advice and
went to the doctor and told
him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his
pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants,
then the doctor put him up
onto the examining table and proceeded to look for the
trouble. The doc put one finger under his left testicle
and told the midget to cough, which he did. "Ah!" mumbled
the doc and putting his finger under the right one and
asked him to cough again, which he did. "Ahhh!" said the
doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip,
snip on the right side and then snip, snip, snip on the
left side and he told the midget to pull up his pants and
see if it still ached.
The midget was delighted as he
walked around the doc's
office and his testicles were not aching. "What did you do
Doc?" he asked.
The doc replied, "I cut two inches
off the tops of your
Subj: Seven Dwarfs Meet The Pope (S126b, S530c)
From: JOELFALLON on 7/2/99
and From: drgolfmd on 3/18/2007
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican
and because they have
requested an audience and they are - THE - seven dwarfs,
they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey, my son." Says the Pope. What can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me. Your
Excellency, but are there any
dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at
the odd question, thinks for
a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns
in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs start
giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare,
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship,
are there any dwarf nuns
in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again
thinks for a moment and then
answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs
burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an
angry glare. Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are
there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are
no dwarf nuns anywhere in
The other dwarfs collapse into
a heap, rolling and laughing,
pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they
begin chanting... "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed
Subj: Sexual Harassment From A Lawyer... (DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
Daughter of a friend of mine,
who works as a police dispatcher
asked me if it was sexual harassment if a co-worker walked by
her and said, "Your hair smells nice."
Uh-oh I thought. Let's
see that last case didn't seem to
require the threat against your job to qualify. On further
inquiry, she confirmed that it was that literally passing
comment and nothing more.
I told her that at least as a
general rule, that probably
was not actionable. She asked, "Even if he is a midget?"
Subj: Midget admires Man's Dick (DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
A guy is standing at a urinal
when he notices that he's
being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is
staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable
until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him,
climbs it,and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those
are the nicest balls I
have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man
thanks the midget and starts
to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather
strange request," says the
little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched
Again the man is rather startled,
but seeing no real harm
in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets
a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me
your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"
Subj: Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (S17, S578c)
From Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
One evening Snow White decided
she was sleepy and announced
to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the
usual lengthy round of "Good Nights" she went upstairs.
Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began
standing on each others shoulders beneath Snow White's
Tonight was Grumpy's turn to
be on the top and as he was the
only one who could see in the window it was his duty to
inform the other dwarfs what she was doing. After a minute
or two he hollered down, "She's taking off her blouse!" and
this was echoed down the stack "taking off her blouse,"
"she's taking off her blouse," "blouse is coming off,"
"taking off her blouse," etc. Next Grumpy yelled, "She's
taking off her skirt," which was followed by the echoes
"taking off her skirt," "she's taking off her skirt,"
"skirt's coming off," "taking off her skirt," etc.
Of course the next line from
Grumpy was, "She's taking off
her bra!" and the echo chorus went down the line. Then,
"She's taking off her panties!", which again cascaded down
the dwarf tower.
Finally Grumpy looked around
and from his vantage height
saw someone coming through the woods so he yelled, "Someone's
coming!" and from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was
heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too."
Subj: Two Dwarfs In Las Vegas (S812)
From: rfslick 8/2/2012
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves
to a vacation in Las
Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women,
and wind up taking them to their separate but adjoining
rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's
unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable
him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by
the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "ONE,
TWO, THREE...HUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf
asked the first, "How did
it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing.
I simply couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head.
"You think that's
embarrassing?" he asked, "I couldn't even get on the bed!"
Subj: Dwarf Buys A Horse
From: ipkis on 97-07-24
A dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse.
After walking around the animal
a few times he says to the
farmer, "Da eyeth, I want to thee the eyeth!"
So the farmer lifts him up to
the horses head. He walks
around some more and says, "Da eerth, I want to see the eerth."
So, a bit annoyed, the farmer
lifts him up once more. After
circling the animal several more times the dwarf says, "Da
twat, I want to see the twat."
Totally frustrated by now the
irate farmer lifts him up and
plunges him head long into the animals behind.
After a few minutes the farmer
removes him and sets him down
on the ground.
When the dwarf regained his composure
he said, "I'm sorry.
Maybe I should have said his gallop!"
Subj: Caught Having Sex With A Midget
From: humorlist-digest V1 #227 on 97-10-19
Sam arrived home from work early
one afternoon only to
surprise his wife busily engaged with a midget in bed.
After chasing the rogue away,
Sam liberally expressed his
dismay to his wayward spouse. "I just don't know what to
do with you!" he said, shaking his head. "We've talked
about this over and over. We've spent hours with the
marriage counselor. I was really starting to believe that
I could trust you again."
"I know, I know..." acknowledged
the wife contritely. "But
at least I'm cutting down!"
Subj: Short Dwarf (etc) Jokes
Subj: Snow White Takes Pictures Of Dwarfs (S638c)
From: ipkis on 97-08-22
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took
pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she
finished her first batch she took the film to be developed.
After a week or so she went to
get the finished photos.
The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.
Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry.
The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry,
someday your prints will come".
Did you hear about the psychic
midget who escaped from
jail? Yeah the headlines in the newspaper read "SMALL
MEDIUM AT LARGE".
From: humorlist-digest V1 #256 on 97-11-25
A dwarf comes into this bar in NYC, he sits next to a
gorgious blond woman, he orders a drink and start looking
at the woman, after a while he says to her "What do you
say to a little fuck". She looks down at him and says;
"Hello little fuck".
From: homeschooling.guide on 99-01-10
And which dwarf are you?
...........................A mighty Dwarf from http://www.BlueMind.dk