Subj: Genie Jokes
(Includes 33 jokes and articles, 21788,4,cf.md4w,4)
Also see BAR2 file
- 'Bar With Genie'
BIRTHDAY - 'Couples 60th Birthdays'
CANADIAN - 'Newfie, Quebecer, And Albertan Find Genie'
CLINTON file - 'Clinton Meets A Genie'
CLINTON-SCDL2- 'Monica Meets Genie'
.........COWBOY file - 'Cowboy Gets Three Wishes From A Snake'
DRINKINGBEER1- 'Two Guys In Life Boat Find Genie'
ELDERLY1-SUPP- 'The Wishing Well'
FAIRY TALES - 'Cinderella At 75' (3 Wishes. A Cat And A Fairy)
FISHING1 file- 'Three Fishermen Catch Mermaid'
IRISH1 file - 'Irishman And The Genie'
LEPRECHAUN - (See whole file)
PENIS1 file - 'Golfer Hits Hole In One And Meets Genie'
RUSSIAN file - 'Russian Pees Vodka'
WAITER file - 'Man And Ostrich Enter Restaurant'
Marriage Fairy (S457d)
This is a cute, old joke told
in a SWF video with drawings.
You can view it at the source above, or on my site by
Subj: Wish For Peace In Middle East (S499b, DU)
From: jbcary1 on 8/13/2006
A woman rubbed a bottle and out
popped a genie. The amazed
woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope,
sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish
genie. So...What'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the
Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop
fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love
the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about
world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and
exclaimed, "Lady, please be
reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands
of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five
hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it
can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute
and said, "Well, I've never
been able to find the right man. You know - one that's
considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house
cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family,
doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That
is what I wish for...........a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and
said, "Let me see the freaking
Subj: Two Arab Terrorists In A Shower (S498, DU)
From: darrell94590 on 8/7/2006
Two Arab terrorists are in a
locker room taking a shower
after their bomb making class, when one notices the other
has a huge cork stuck in his butt.
If you do not mind me saying,"
said the second, "that
cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it
I regret I cannot," lamented
the first Arab. "It is
permanently stuck in my butt."
"I do not understand," said the other.
The first Arab says, "I was walking
along the beach and
I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke,
and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with
a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said,
"I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."
I said, "No shit?"
Subj: Minnesota Fishing Genie (S463, S707)
From: auntiegah on 12/7/2005
(Also see 'Bar With Genie' in BAR2)
Olaf and Sven were fishing one
day when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,"
he replied. Then reaching
into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven,
taking the huge Bic lighter in
his hands. "Vhere dit yew git dat monster??"
"Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."
"You haff a genie in yor tackle pox?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle pox," says Olaf.
"Could I see him?" So Olaf
opens his tackle box and sure enough,
out pops the genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says,
"Hey dere! I'm a good friend
of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?
"Yes, I will," says the genie.
So Sven asks the genie for a
million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box
leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and
is filled with the sound of a million
ducks...flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks
Sven yells at Olaf. "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked for a million bucks,
not a million ducks!"
Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to
tell yew dat da genie is hart of
hearing. Doyew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
Subj: Prince Charles Kills Mom's Dog (S429b)
From: DoctorDebt on 4/14/2005
(See 'Man Wishes For Road To Hawaii' below)
Prince Charles was driving around
his mother's estate when he
accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a corgi, crushing it
to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the
grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him
and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried
in the ground. He dug
it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared. 'You
have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment,' said
the genie. 'As a reward I shall grant you one wish.'
'Well,' said the Prince, 'I have
all the material things I need,
but let me show you this dog.' They walk over to the splattered
remains of the dog. 'Do you think you could bring this dog back
to life for me?! ' the Prince asked.
The genie carefully looked at
the remains and shook his head.
'This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life.
Is there something else you would like?' The Prince thought for
a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. 'I
was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,' said Prince
Charles, showing the genie the first photo. 'But now I love this
woman called Camilla,' and he showed the genie the second photo.
'You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can
make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?'
The genie studied the two photographs
and after a few minutes said,
'Let's have a look at that dog again.' ------------
Subj: Guy Finds Bottle On Beach (S312b, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/6/2003
A guy is feeling depressed and
goes for a walk on the beach.
He finds an old bottle on the shore, and when he picks it up
a spirit comes out and says, "You look tense. Would you like
a good back rub?"
"Well, actually, I'm depressed
because I'm so broke. I wish
you would give me a million dollars instead."
"I can't do that, but I can give you a back rub."
"Aren't genies supposed to grant wishes?"
"I'm not a genie. Does
that look like an oil lamp? And you
call what you did rubbing it? I'll show you what a real
"If you're not a genie, what are you?"
"Haven't you ever heard of a massage in a bottle?"
Subj: Genie Grants Third Wish (S306b, S524b)
From: dogbyte on 11/11/2002
and From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/29/2007
A man was sitting alone in his
office one night when a genie
popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your
third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and
said, "Huh? How can I be
getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second
"You have had two wishes already,"
the genie said, "but
your second wish was for me to put everything back the way
it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember
nothing, because everything is the way it was before you
made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said Warren, "I don't
believe this, but what the
heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to
know what's going on inside their heads."
"Sheesh! I wish you'd make
up your mind," said the genie
as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was
your first wish, too!"
Subj: Old Couple Get Wishes f/Fairy (S232)
From: flovilla on 7/13/2001
(Also see "Marriage Fairy" below)
A couple had been married for
25 years and also celebrated
their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared
and said that because they had been such a loving couple all
those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around
the world. The fairy waved
her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn.
He paused for a moment, then
said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger
The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.........
Subj: Three Computer People Find A Genie (S171, S622c)
From: thebartend on 5/11/00
and From: ginafm on 12/10/2008
Three men: a project manager,
a software developer, and a
database engineer are in Miami beach for a two-week period
helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk
up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up
the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp.
As they rub the lamp a genie
appears and says "Normally I
would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I
will grant you each one wish."
The database engineer went first.
"I would like to spend
the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas,
with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who
worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on
off to St. Thomas.
The software developer went next.
"I would like to spend the
rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediter-
ranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful
women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and
sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the
project manager's turn. "And
what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.
Genie Of The Lamp Sunday Comic Strip (S486c)
This dirty, but cute Sunday comic
strip can be seen at the
above source, or on site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Dennis Rodman Finds A Bottle (S130, DU)
From: RFSlick on 5/31/99
Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach ? picks it up.
Suddenly, a female genie appears
from the bottle.
"Master, May I grant you one wish?" says the genie with a smile.
"Hey, Bitch...don't you know
who I am? I don't need no woman
givin' me nuttin!" barks Rodman.
The genie pleads..."But Master,
I must grant you a wish or I
will be returned to this bottle forever."
Dennis thinks a moment...then
grumbling about the inconvenience
of it all he says, "O.K., O.K...I wanna wake up with three women
in my bed in the morning, so just do it!" Giving the genie an
evil glare, he screams, "Now leave me alone!"
So the annoyed genie says, "So
be it!", and disappears back into
The next morning, he wakes up
with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding
? Hillary Clinton in bed with him. His penis is gone, his leg
is broken and he has no health insurance.
Subj: The Government Genie (S118)
From: ossama on 5/5/99
A State Government Employee sits
in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old
brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantlepiece," he
decides, and takes it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie
appears and grants him
three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!"
He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think
more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be
on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside."
Suddenly he is on an island with
gorgeous females eyeing
him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last
wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."
POOF! He's back in his government office.
Subj: Tonto, The Indian Genie
From: humorlist-digest V2 #154 on 98-06-23
Two guys are in a locker room when
one guy notices the other
guy has a cork in his ass.
He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other guy says, "I was walking
along the beach and I
tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a
red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto,
Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish."
And I said, "No shit.''
Subj: Three Blondes Find A Genie (S68, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #119 on 98-05-14
Three Blondes are stuck on a
deserted island, when one of
them finds lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it
a little rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the
three Blondes and says, "I normally give three wishes, but
since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one
Well the first one is tired of
being on the island, so she
wishes to go back home. POOF!! She disappears.
The second one says she too is
tired of the island, and
wishes to go home. POOF!! She too disappears.
The genie then turns to the last
Blonde and asks her what
her wish is. "Gee,' she says, "I'm awfully lonely here
by myself. I wish my friends were still here."
Subj: Three Blondes Find A Fairy (S115, DU)
From: FrankRoesc on 4/7/99
There are three blondes stranded
on an island. Suddenly a
fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.
The first blond asks to be intelligent.
Instantly, she is
turned into a brown haired woman and swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even
more intelligent that the
previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black
haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and
sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become
even more intelligent than
the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he
walks across the bridge.
Subj: Frog Grants One Wish (S317b, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/25/2003
(See 'Man Wishes For Road To Hawaii' in this file)
A family are driving in their
car on holidays. A frog
crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able
to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries
him to the side of the road.
The frog is grateful, thanks
the man and tells him that he
will grant him a wish.
The man says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race."
The frog asks to look at the
dog, which limps out of the
car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it
very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man
that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish
and asks that the man will tell him another wish.
The man says, "Well, then please
make my wife win the next
beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his
wife to get out of the car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.
The frog turns to the man and
says, "Could I please have
another look at the dog?"
Subj: Three Wishes From A Frog Genie (S97, S578b)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
and From: RFSlick on 98-12-01
A huge muscular man walks into
a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm
not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it
really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is
your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly.
He's obviously fielded this
question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting
when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for
help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog
sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it
said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and
grant you 3 wishes."
I looked around to make sure
I was alone and gave the frog
a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous,
naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked
down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body
like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell,
and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my
clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What
will be your second wish?"
I looked hungrily at her beautiful
body and replied, "I
want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream."
She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made
love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other,
sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into
my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it
be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"
Subj: Three Wishes From A Frog Genie II (S230, S560c)
From: gheckman on 6/25/2001
and From: ginafm on 10/8/2007
(Also see 'Mother-In-Law Gets Twice' in this file)
A woman was out golfing one day
when she hit her ball into
the woods. She went to look for it and found a frog in a
trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but
I failed to mention that there
was a condition to your wishes and that is whatever you wish
for, your husband will get 10 times better!" The woman said
that would be okay.
For her first wish, she wanted
to be the most beautiful woman
in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the
world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted
to be the richest woman in
the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer
than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's
mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about
her third wish and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story..................
Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them!
Three Wishes From A Frog Genie III (S468b)
You can view this cute, dirty
Sunday comic strip at the
above source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Man's One Wish Is For Luck For A Day
An guy is walking down the street
and finds a lamp. He
rubs it a little and puts it in his pocket. His arm keeps
brushing against the lamp in his pocket. Soon the lamp
heats up and starts smoking. Poof! Out comes a Genie and
burns a hole in his pocket.
"Look at what you did to my jacket.
How am I going to fix
"I am sorry about you jacket
but I will grant you one wish
and only one wish and forget about asking for more wishes
as a wish!"
"OK how about just give me good luck for the day"
"OK you are now lucky, bye!"
The man starts walking again
and find 50 quid on the ground.
He says "Wow I am lucky now I can go buy a new jacket" On
his way to the store he passes an Indian Restaurant and
decides to go have a curry instead.
He stuffs himself with food and
drink. The bill comes and
it is more than 50 quid. He apologizes and says he will
have to go to the cashpoint to get more money. The owner
comes over and says not to worry "It is your lucky day!
You are our 10,000th customer and dinner is free! Is
there anything else you would like - Wink!"
"Uhh like *anything* else"
"Yes as our special guest you
may choose any of our
beautiful daughters and go upstairs with her"
So he pick one of the daughters
and heads upstairs, they
get undressed and start making love when the guy just gets
up and starts getting dressed"
She "What's the matter? Do I not please you?"
"No it's not that"
"Am I not beautiful enough?"
"No it's not that either"
"Am I too fat or too thin?" She asks really confused
"No its not that, it is the dot on your forehead!"
"Oh that, you can take it off
if you like! If that will
He scratches off the dot on her
forehead and exclaims in
a surprise "WOW! What Luck! I just won a new car!!"
Subj: Wife's Golf Shot Breaks Window (S504)
From: allenbergman on 9/15/2006
A Husband took his wife to play
her first game of golf. Of
course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through
the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned
you to be careful! Now we'll
have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how
much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the
house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door
they saw the damage that was done: Glass was all over the
place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near
the pieces of window glass.
Upon further investigation, they
saw a gentleman sitting on
the couch with a turban on his head. The wife said, "do you
live here?" "no, someone just hit a ball through the window,
knocked over the vase you see there, and freed me from that
little bottle. I am so grateful",. he answered. The wife
asked, "are you a genie?" "oh why yes, I am. In fact, I am
so grateful, I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't
mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband
said. He pondered a moment
and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the
rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie.
"You've got it, it's the least
I can do. And, I'll guarantee you a long ? healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home
complete with servants in
every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie
said. "And your homes will
always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in
unison, "what's your wish,
"Well, since I've been trapped
in that bottle, and haven't
been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish
is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his
wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a
fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few
moments and said, "You know,
you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I
wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart,"
said the husband. I'd do
the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went
upstairs where they spent
the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie
was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex,
the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five
years old..... and
both of you still believe in genies?"
Subj: Man Finds Genie On Beach, But Lawyers Get DOUBLE
From: DR SWITZER on 97-05-23
One day, a man was walking along
the beach and came across an
odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he
rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared.
"For releasing me from the bottle,
I will grant you three
wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But there's
a catch," the Genie continued.
"What catch?" asked the man,
eyeing the Genie suspiciously.
The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every lawyer in
the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for."
"Hey, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man.
"What is your first wish?" asked the Genie.
"Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!"
POOF! A ferrari appeared in front
of the man. "Now, every
lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris," said the
Genie. "What is your next wish?"
"I could really use a million
dollars..." replied the man, and
One millions dollars appeared
at his feet. "Now, every lawyer
in the world is TWO million dollars richer," the Genie reminded
"Well, that's okay, as long as
I've got MY million," replied
"And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie.
The man thought long and hard,
and finally said, "Well, you
know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
Subj: Mother-In-Law Gets Twice
(Also see 'Three Wishes From A Frog Genie II' in this file)
A man finds a lamp and decides
to rub off the dust. A Genie
appears. The Genie tells the man he will grant him three
wishes, but everything the man gets, his mother-in-law gets
The man's first wish is for 10
million dollars. The Genie
reminds the man that his mother-in-law will get 20 million
dollars. The man says, "that's ok."
The man's next wish is for a
house by the sea. Once again,
the Genie reminds the man that his mother-in-law will get
two houses by the sea; once again, the man says, "that's ok."
The man's last wish is to be beaten half to death.
Subj: Three Guys, A Genie, And A Cliff
Three guys are walking through
the woods and they find a
genie sitting by a cliff. The genie says "I will grant
you each one wish, all you have to do is say what you want
and jump off the cliff".
The first guy goes to the edge,
yells "Money" and jumps
off, he lands in a humongous pile of money.
The second guy gets up and yells
"Women", he lands among
hundreds of women.
The third guy, who is pretty
excited now, gets to the edge
of the cliff, trips and yells, "Sh*t!!!!"
Subj: Three Wishes On The Beach
A man is walking down the beach
and finds a magic lantern.
When he rubs it, a genie comes out and offers him three
"First," the man says, "I want
a million dollars." (POOF)
There's a pile of money in front of him.
"Second," the man says, "I want
a Ferrari." ?POOF> The
pile of money is now in the passenger seat of a Testarossa.
"Third," the man says, "I want
my penis to hang down to the
ground." ?POOF> His legs fall off.
Subj: Two Genies On Beach
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #7
A guy is walking along the beach
and he stumbles on a Genie
Bottle. He rubs it and out pop two Genies. He makes three
When he gets home, he hears a
knock on the door and outside
there are 20 beautiful naked women. Walking back inside he
sees a briefcase sitting on his coffee table. Opening it
he see $20 million dollars. "Wow, my first two wishes have
come true!" he yells. He gets ready to do his thing with
the women when he hears another knock on the door. When he
opens the door there is two Ku Klux Klan guys. First, they
beat the shit out of him, then they tar and feather him.
They take him out back and lynch him. When the KKK guys
are sure he is dead, they take their hoods off.
It turns out it is the Genies.
The first Genie turns to
the second and says, "You know, I can understand his first
two wishes, but why would he want to be hung like a nigger?"
Subj: Jewish Genie (S224)
From: CKButch4Femme on 5/10/2001
An Arab has spent many days crossing
the desert without
finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel
dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain
that he has breathed his last breath when all of a sudden
he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several
yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out
of the sand, and discovers that he has a nischewitz wine
bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left
in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.
This is no ordinary genie.
This genie appears to be a
Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat,
side curls, etc. "Well kid," says the genie. "You know
how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not going to trust you,"
says the Arab, "you are a
"What have you got to lose?
It looks like you're a goner
The Arab thinks about this for
a minute, and decides that
the genie is right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis
with plentiful food and drink."
The Arab finds himself in the
most beautiful oasis he has
ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and
platters of delicacies.
"Okay kid, what's your second wish?"
My second wish is that I were
rich beyond my wildest
The Arab finds himself surrounded
by treasure chests filled
with rare old coins and precious gems.
"Okay kid, you have just one
more wish. Better make it a
After thinking for a few minutes,
the Arab says, "I wish
that no matter where I go beautiful women will always need
and want me!!!"
He is turned into a tampon.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: If you
do business with a Jewish
genie, there's going to be a string attached.
Subj: The IRS Genie (S390, S653b)
From: mrx on 7/13/2004
and From: tom on 7/12/2009
A modern day cowboy has spent
many days crossing the desert
without water. His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand,
certain that he has breathed
his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking
out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to
the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what
looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary
genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge
and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocket-
book. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well,
cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have
"I'm not falling for this." Says
the man. "I'm not going
to trust an IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose?
You've got no transportation,
and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for
a minute, and decides that
the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush
oasis with plenty of food
The cowboy finds himself in the
most beautiful oasis he
has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine
and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were
rich beyond my wildest
The man finds himself surrounded
by treasure chests
filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just
one more wish. Better make
it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes,
the man says.. "I wish
that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and
He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the
government offers you
anything, there's going to be a string attached.
Subj: Four Different Races Find Genie (S465b, S788)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/15/2005
and From: sam.hutkins on 2/21/2012
A Mexican, a Black, an Arab and
a Redneck were walking together
on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.
He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie
appeared. "I can only grant four wishes," the Genie said. "Since
there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece."
Pointing at the Black, he said,
"Since you found the bottle, you
may have the first wish."
The Black studied for a moment
then said, "I wish for a fleet of
ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to
our homeland, Africa.
Poof! It was done! Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.
The Mexican said, "I weesh for
enough Cheby peekups to take all
my people back to our homeland, May-he-co!"
Poof! It was done!
Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared
on the beach.
The Muslim said, "I wish for
ten thousand camels to take all of
my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels
so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah."
Poof! It was done! Ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.
Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?
The Redneck watched as the loaded
pickups began moving toward the
border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing
out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting
on top of the camels and riding off.
The Redneck said, "Just give
me a Bud Light. It doesn't get any
better than this!"
Subj: Three Stranded Women Find Genie
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #83
A cruise ship went down in the
Pacific. Three women survived
and had swum to the safety of a typical desert island. They
been on the island for about a fortnight when, one morning,
one of the women found some drift from the wreck that had
Amongst the debris was an antique
brass oil lamp. She wiped
the grime from the engraved side of the lamp and suddenly,
lo and behold, the genie of the lamp appeared. The genie
granted the woman a wish, as is the tradition in these
situations. The woman wished for 10% more intelligence.
Instantly her wish was granted,
her head spinning with
enlightenment she slipped into the forest, emerged that
evening having constructed a beautiful yacht from the
natural resources of the island.
On seeing this success the second
woman rubbed the discarded
lamp, rubbed it and was similarly granted a wish. This woman
asked for 50% more intelligence.
Awash with insight she swept
into the forest to emerge that
evening having built a aeroplane and take off strip, all
from the resources of the island.
Staggered by the escape of her
companions, the third woman
took the lamp. The genie appeared. The woman decided to go
the whole hog and asked for the full 100% extra intelligence.
The genie paused, taken aback
by the magnitude of his new
task. Without further hesitation he summoned all his powers
and granted the wish. The woman awoke a few minutes later
more than a little surprised to find, upon looking down...
Subj: Canadian, Bin Ladin ? Uncle Sam Find Genie (S244, S532b)
From: thebartend on 3/24/99
and From: darrell94590 on 3/30/2007
(Also see 'Newfie, Quebecer, ? Albertan Find Genie' in Canadian)
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama
bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are
out walking together one day. They come across a lantern
and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each
one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer,
my dad was a farmer,
and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever
fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF'
the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so
he said, "I want a wall
around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans
can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of
the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer),
asks, "I'm very
curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie
explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet
thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can
get in or out, virtually impenetrable."
"UncleSam" says, "Fill it with water."
Subj: Man Wishes For Road To Hawaii (S520)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day for 15 Sept 97
and From: allenbergman on 1/8/2007
(See 'Frog Grants One Wish' and
'Prince Charles Kills Mom's Dog' in this file)
A man was walking along the beach
and found a bottle. He
looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle.
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle
that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and
finally said, "I have
always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go
because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening
for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very
claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here
The genie thought for a few minutes
and finally said, "No,
I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work
involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a
highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the
bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No,
that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes
and then told the genie,
"There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would
like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh
and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so
difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick."
The genie considered for a few
minutes and said, "So, do you
want two lanes or four?"
The Good Fairy And The Small Dick (S596)
You can view this cute, dirty
Sunday comic strip on my site
by clicking 'HERE'.