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Subj:     Ghost Jokes 
                 (Includes 10 jokes and articles, 16 1014,4,cf,wXT3,3)

Little Ghost from
PageWorks
Includes the following:  Bizarro Cartoon (S934)
.........................The 9 Most Haunting Abandoned Places On Earth (S886)
.........................G.W.Bush Meets Three Ghosts (S417, DU)
.........................Drunk Walks Past Hospital (S298b)
.........................Granny Meets A Ghost - GIF (S461b)
.........................Ghost Stories From The White House (S248b, S561c)
.........................Woman See Psychic To Talk To Grandma (S190, S580b)
.........................Ghost Video (S1014)
.........................Professor Talks About Ghosts (S134, S706)
.........................Two Men In A Grave Yard (DU)

Also see CARS2 file   - 'Scary Car Ride In Mexico'
         GRAVEYARD    -  (for related jokes)
         POLI POLTCL2 - 'Ghosts of Christmas Pres(id)ent'

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Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S934)
          By Dan Piraro
Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/december-8-2014/
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Subj:     The 9 Most Haunting Abandoned Places On Earth (S886d)
          Collected by Jake Heppner on December 14, 2013 
          From: Melissa Weers on Facebook on 12/29/2013
 Source: (Removed from distractify.com)

 These real life ruins offer an eerie glimpse into a world
 without humans. Their dark walls inspire a sense of wonder
 like I've never felt before.  Click 'HERE' to see these
 beautiful, haunting photographs.

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Subj:     G.W.Bush Meets Three Ghosts (S417, DU)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/21/2005

 One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's
 ghost. Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best
 thing I could do to help the country?"

 "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised
 George.

 The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through
 the dark bedroom.

 "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
 Bush asked.

 "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

 Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another
 figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

 "Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country?"
 Bush asked.

 "Go to the theater," replied Abe

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Subj:     Drunk Walks Past Hospital (S298b, S561c)
          From: pns on 10/13/2002
      and From: aldavito on 10/22/2007

 Mr. Harris was a very modest man, and easily embarrassed.
 So when he was in hospital after some abdominal surgery,
 he would suffer greatly, trying not to break wind when a
 nurse was in the room.

 One day, the nurse had gone out, and he felt a great need
 to let 'er blow, so he did.  Only it wasn't gas that he
 passed.  Just then, he heard the doctor's voice in the
 corridor, as he was making his rounds.  Not knowing what
 else to do, Harris jumped out of bed, bundled up the sheets,
 and threw them out the open window.

 At that moment, a drunk was staggering by on the sidewalk
 below.  The sheets fell on him, quickly tangling in his
 arms and legs.  Brown stuff is flying left and right as
 he flailed about.  The security guard sees the nonsense,
 and comes trotting over.  "Now, what do you think you're
 doing there, fella?"

 The drunk, with one final wrench, throws the sheet to the
 ground and hiccups.  "Ah dunno," he pants. "But ah think
 ah jush beat the crap out of a ghost."

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Subj:     Granny Meets A Ghost - GIF (S461b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/18/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 Click 'HERE' to see this is a silly, animated GIF.

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Subj:     Ghost Stories From The White House (S248b, DU)
          From: TAdams on 10/31/2001

 You say you don't believe in ghosts?
 Neither did Mary Evan, servant to Eleanor Roosevelt, until
 she saw Lincoln's disembodied spirit sitting on the edge
 of a bed pulling on his boots.  Other White House servants
 have seen Honest Abe resting quietly in his bed, or gazing
 through the oval window above the main entrance to the
 mansion.

 Once, the late Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands, an
 overnight guest in the White House, heard someone knock at
 her door. "She got up, opened it, and saw the ghost of
 President Lincoln standing there looking at her.  She
 fainted, and by the time she had come to he was gone,"
 Mr. Holzer says.

 The first persons to claim to see Lincoln's ghost were
 Calvin Coolidge's wife, Grace, and Army Chaplain E.C.
 Bowles, describing Lincoln's "sad look."  More recently,
 President Gerald Ford's daughter, Susan, was in the
 Lincoln Bedroom when she encountered Abe, while President
 Ronald Reagan's daughter Maureen saw Lincoln's translucent
 form next to the bedroom fireplace in 1987.

 No wonder President Truman wrote to his wife: "I sit here
 in this old house, all the while listening to the ghosts
 walk up and down the hallway.  At 4 o'clock, I was
 awakened by three distinct knocks on my bedroom door.  No
 one there.  Damned place is haunted, sure as shootin'!"

 In his book "Haunted Places: The National Directory," a
 485-page guide to ghosts and other unexplainable things
 that go bump in the night, author Dennis William Hauck
 says the ghost of President William Henry Harrison, who
 caught cold the day he was inaugurated and died 30 days
 later, rummages through the White House attic - still
 searching for that scarf, no doubt.

 While in the airy East Room, White House staffers have
 seen the ghost of first lady Abigail Adams hanging
 laundry.  Her apparition passes through closed doors
 with her arms outstretched, and sometimes the faint
 smells of damp clothes and soap are detected.

 The ghost of President Andrew Jackson frequents the
 Rose Bedroom, where White House aides have heard "hearty
 laughter" coming from Jackson's otherwise empty canopy
 bed.  First lady Mary Todd Lincoln swore she encountered
 Jackson's ghost in the bedroom in 1865, while almost 100
 years later an aide to President Lyndon B. Johnson
 insisted he heard Jackson cussing and hollering in the room.

 White House gardeners were petrified when the spirit of
 first lady Dolley Madison appeared in the Rose Garden while
 Woodrow Wilson was president - just after Mrs. Wilson gave
 orders to have the garden dug up.  Dolley, you see, had
 planted the garden a hundred years earlier.

 We have no way of determining what effect the anthrax
 contamination has had on Capitol Hill's ghosts.  We do
 know this:  The basement of the U.S. Capitol was a
 favorite spot of Henry Wilson, vice president under
 Ulysses S. Grant, who spent almost as much time in the
 bathtubs there as he did in his office.

 "He caught a chill that proved his ultimate undoing, but
 that did not stop his spirit from returning to his
 favorite pastime," Mr. Hauck says.  "His lathered ghost
 and the sounds of wheezing and sneezing [pre-anthrax] have
 been reported in the corridor outside the vice president's
 [congressional] office."

 The ghost of John Quincy Adams can be found in his old
 House floor seat, the same chair where on Feb. 23, 1848,
 during an impassioned speech on this nation's "unjust" war
 with Mexico, the former president-turned-congressman
 suffered a stroke.  Although Adams died two days later, he
 often returns to finish his speech.

 The spirits of two House speakers, Joseph Cannon and Champ
 Clark, also return late at night to continue their series
 of emotional debates begun in 1910.  And the ghost of Rep.
 William Taulbee of Kentucky is never far away, haunting
 the stairs leading to the House gallery.

 "The stains on the white marble steps are said to be
 Taulbee's blood, dating back to a winter day in 1890 when
 he was shot and killed by newspaper reporter Charles
 Kincaid," Mr. Hauck recalls.

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Subj:     Woman See Psychic To Talk To Grandma (S190, S580b)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 9/20/00

 A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her
 dearly departed grandmother.  The psychic's eyelids begin
 fluttering and she begins moaning.  Eventually, a voice
 comes, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

 The granddaughter, wide-eyed responds, "Grandma? Is that you?"

 "Yes granddaughter, it's me."

 "It's really you, Grandma?" the woman repeats.

 "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

 The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question
 for you."

 "Anything, my child."

 "When did you learn to speak English?"

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Subj:     Ghost Video (S1014)
          Made by Seliganos15
          From: Carol Ashe on Facebook on 6/13/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ydc6relMv-o
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 Click 'HERE' to see cute, silly, short video.
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Subj:     Professor Talks About Ghosts (S134, S706)
          From: collins2 on 8/23/99
      and From: tom on 7/26/2010

 A professor at the University of Kentucky is giving a lecture
 on the supernatural.  To get a feel for his audience, he asks:
 "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

 About 90 students raise their hands.  "Well, that's a good
 start.  Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of
 you think you've ever seen a ghost?"

 About 40 students raise their hands.  "That's really good.  I'm
 really glad you take this seriously.  Has anyone here ever
 talked to a ghost?" l5 students raise their hands.  That's a
 great response.  Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"  3
 students raise their hands.  "That's fantastic.  But let me ask
 you one question further....Have any of you ever made love to a
 ghost?"

 One student way in the back raises his hand.  The professor is
 astonished.  He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and
 says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one
 has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost.  You've got to come
 up here and tell us about your experience."

 The redneck student replies wiht a nod and a grin, and begins to
 make his way up to the podium.  As he ambles slowly toward the
 podium, the professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have
 sex with a ghost."

 The student replies, "Ghost?!? Shiiiiit.....From way back there,
 I thought you said "goats."

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Subj:     Two Men In A Grave Yard (DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #238 on 97-11-02

 Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take
 a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.  Right in
 the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-
 tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.  Trembling with
 fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping
 away at one of the headstones.

 "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath,
 "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost!
 What are you doing working here so late at night?"

 "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

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.............................From Smiley_Central
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