Subj: Knight Jokes
(Includes 11 jokes and articles, 25 1015,4,cf,wXT3b,2)
AGAG Animation Gallery
Subj: Black Knight - Monty Python and The Holy Grail (S1011)
Posted by Monty Python
From: Michael Lagrimas on Facebook on 5/28/2016
.......Click 'HERE' to see this very funny scene.
Subj: Reversing a Curse (S443b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/16/2005
Chap - "You're Merlin aren't you?"
Merlin - "Why yes ..it's nice to be recognized!"
Chap - "Bit of a Wizard ..I hear?"
Merlin - "Well, yes .. I've been told I'm skilled."
Chap - "Do tricks and things ..don't ya. Magical stuff?"
Merlin - 'Magical ... yes, that's correct"
Chap - "Turn Kings into Frogs
..and that sort of thing ..
Is that right?"
Merlin - "Well, yes ..I suppose
I could turn a King
into a Frog!"
Chap - "Ever mucked up .. Ya know, made a mistake?"
Merlin - "Well, Yes ...hasn't everyone?"
Chap - "Can you reverse a curse?"
Merlin - "Yes I can ... with
knowledge of who applied
the Curse and the actual words of enchantment,
I could do it ....Why ?"
Chap - "I'm Cursed."
Merlin - "Really ... and how long have you been bewitched?"
Chap - "Years....."
Merlin - "Do you know the words
spoken over you to lay
Chap - "Yeah .. can't forget them!"
Merlin - "What were they?"
Chap - "Something like ... "Do
you take this women to be
your lawfully wedded wife..."
Subj: Obsessed w/Queen's Breasts (S423, S673b)
From: jbcary1 on 3/1/2005
Nick the Dragon Slayer had a
long-standing obsession to
nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he
knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret
desire to his colleague,
Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for
Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would
cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause,
Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician
made a batch of itching
powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere
while she bathed. Soon after the itching commenced and grew
intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address
this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and
Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours,
would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that
only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the
antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick
the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick
the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which
he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick passionately licked and nuzzled the Queen's voluptuous
and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually
relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and was
touted as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber,
Nick the Dragon Slayer found
Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold
coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon
Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio
the Physician could never report this matter to the King,
shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio
the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's shorts.
The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills!
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
By Bob Thaves on 1/30/2009
Subj: The Magic Troll (S417b)
From: JokesUncut on 1/18/2005
There once was a King and Queen
who ruled a kingdom by the
sea. One day the King's brother, who ruled a kingdom in the
mountains, took ill and needed help ruling his land.
The first king volunteered to
help and explained to the
queen that his brother's illness may last many months. They
would see one another each weekend. Every other weekend the
king would journey, on horseback, down from the mountains.
On alternating weekends the queen would journey, up from
the seaside, the same way.
"There is one very important
thing to remember" said the
king. "Halfway between the two lands is a bridge which
crosses a deep ravine. The bridge is guarded by a magic
troll, who lives under the bridge as most trolls are apt to
do. He will ask you to pay a toll, a four leaf clover, so
you must promise me you will always remember to bring one
"I will" she replied thinking
that would be easy since all
castles in those days were surrounded by fields of four
leaf clovers, for good luck.
So the time comes for the queen
to make her first journey.
She picks the clover, puts it in the pocket of her dress
and off she goes. After a while she comes to the bridge
and out crawls an ugly little troll. "He certainly doesn't
look very magical" she thinks to herself.
The troll begins to speak. "I
am the troll who lives under
the bridge and YOU must pay a toll ... a four leaf clover
if you please ... or bend over on your knees."
And with that he dropped his
pants revealing the biggest,
thickest cock the queen had ever seen. He then thrust his
hips back and forth three or four times to show exactly
what he intended do with his massive, 13 inch prick.
The queen, all flustered and
embarrassed, quickly gave
him the clover and hurried on her way.
This went on for many months.
The queen grew used to
seeing the trolls equipment and even began fantasizing
about how it would be to let the troll screw her. After
all, the king was just of an average size and he was all
she had ever been with. It got to the point where her
panties would get damp at the thought of making the
journey across the bridge.
One fateful day, as she approached
the bridge, she
thought "What the hell, you only live once" and threw
her clover away.
When she reached the bridge the
troll was waiting. "I
am the troll who lives under the bridge and YOU must
pay a toll ... a four leaf clover if you please ... or
bend over on your knees."
"My god" said the queen looking
in the pocket of her
dress, "I seem to have lost my four leaf clover. It looks
like I will have to take the second choice today."
So the troll helps the queen
off her horse and leads her
down under the bridge where there is a beautiful bed of
flowers. She lifts her dress, slips off her silky royal
panties, bends over and gets down on her knees on the
flowers. As soon as he enters her soaking wet pussy she
realizes why he is called a "magic troll".
The troll screws the queen like
she has never been screwed
before in all her life. Echoes of the queens moans and
gasps of pleasure bounce off the ravine walls for the next
couple of hours.
When they are finally done they
lay exhausted in the
"I have to admit ..." said the
"I'm kind of glad I lost my clover."
"Oh, I hear that one all the time" replies the troll.
"Do many ladies come by here
who have lost their clover"
says the queen coyly.
"Oh no" replies the troll ...
"But your husband, the King, loses his every single time..."
Subj: King Arthur And What Women Want (S135, S790)
From: mbucher on 8/27/99
and From: tom on 3/4/2012
Young King Arthur was ambushed
and imprisoned by the monarch
of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him,
but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. He offered Arthur
his freedom, if he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a
year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question
was: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex
even the most knowledgable man.
To young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was
better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to
have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and
began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the
priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with
everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
What most people did tell him
was to consult the old witch, as
only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since
the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant
prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur
had no alternative but to talk to the witch.
She agreed to answer his question,
but he'd have to accept her
price first: The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the
most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest
friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and
awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water,
often made obscene noises... He had never run across such a
He refused to force his friend
to marry her and have to endure
such a burden. Sir Lancelot, upon learning of the proposal,
spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a
sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the
Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the
witch answered Arthur's question: What a woman really wants is
to be able to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone instantly knew that
the witch had uttered a great truth
and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The
neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total
What a wedding Sir Lancelot and
the witch had! Arthur was torn
between relief and anguish. Sir Lancelot was proper as always,
gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on
display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made
everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached: Sir
Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the
bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd
ever seen lay before him! Sir Lancelot was astounded and asked
what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so
kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would
be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be
her beautiful maiden self.
Which would he want her to be
during the day and which during
the night? What a cruel question? Sir Lancelot began to think
of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show
off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home,
an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous
witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate
moments? What would you do? What Sir Lancelot chose follows
below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.
Sir Lancelot replied that he would let her choose for herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful
all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be
in charge of her own life. What is the moral of this story?
THE MORAL IS THAT IT DOESN'T
MATTER IF YOUR WOMAN IS PRETTY
OR UGLY, UNDERNEATH IT ALL, SHE'S STILL A WITCH.
Subj: Kaltenberg Knight's Tournament (S1015)
From: Claudia Rook on Facebook on 6/23/2016
.......Click 'HERE' to see this commercial for a
....................German Middle-Ages fantasy.
Subj: King Arthur's Chastity Belt (S178)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-07
and From: Gmahered on 6/28/00
(Also see 'King Arthur Returns From Quest' in PENIS1)
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory
where the good wizard
was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt.
Except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
"This is no good, Merlin!" the
king exclaimed, "Look at this
opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"
"Ah, sire, just observe." said
Merlin as he searched his cluttered
workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected
his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway.
He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt
whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in
"Merlin, you are a genius!" said
the grateful monarch, "Now I can
leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting
Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.
Several years passed until he
returned to Camelot. Immediately
he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop
their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every
one of them was either amputated or
damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. "Sir Galahad,"
exclaimed King Arthur, -You are the one and only true knight! Only
you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my
power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!"
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.
Subj: Chastity Belt Key
..........From: humorlist-digest V2 #74 on 98-03-24
In days of old, when knights
were bold, this particular
knight was leaving for a crusade and so he called one
of his squires.
"I'm leaving for the crusade.
Here is the key to my wife's
chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you
may use the key."
The knight sets out on the dusty
road, armored from head
to toe, and takes one last look at his castle.
He sees the squire rushing across
the drawbridge, yelling,
"Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you... This is
the WRONG KEY."
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (DU)
By Bob Thaves on 3/14/2009
Subj: Short Knight Jokes
From: humorlist-digest V2 #74 on 98-03-24
Once a King, Always a King......but Once a Knight is enough!