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Subj:     Knight Jokes 
                 (Includes 11 jokes and articles, 25 1015,4,cf,wXT3b,2)

Wizard fron
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  Black Knight - Monty Python The Holy Grail - Video (S1011)
.........................Reversing a Curse (S443b)
.........................Obsessed w/Queen's Breasts (S423, S673b)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
.........................The Magic Troll (S417b)
.........................King Arthur And What Women Want (S135, S790)
.........................Kaltenberg Knight's Tournament - Video (S1015)
.........................King Arthur's Chastity Belt (S178)
.........................Chastity Belt Key
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (DU)
.........................Short Knight Jokes

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Subj:     Black Knight - Monty Python and The Holy Grail (S1011)
          Posted by Monty Python
          From: Michael Lagrimas on Facebook on 5/28/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/dhRUe-gz690
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this very funny scene.
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Subj:     Reversing a Curse (S443b)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/16/2005

 Chap - "You're Merlin aren't you?"

 Merlin - "Why yes ..it's nice to be recognized!"

 Chap - "Bit of a Wizard ..I hear?"

 Merlin - "Well, yes .. I've been told I'm skilled."

 Chap - "Do tricks and things ..don't ya. Magical stuff?"

 Merlin - 'Magical ... yes, that's correct"

 Chap - "Turn Kings into Frogs ..and that sort of thing ..
        Is that right?"

 Merlin - "Well, yes ..I suppose I could turn a King
          into a Frog!"

 Chap - "Ever mucked up .. Ya know, made a mistake?"

 Merlin - "Well, Yes ...hasn't everyone?"

 Chap - "Can you reverse a curse?"

 Merlin - "Yes I can ... with knowledge of who applied
          the Curse and the actual words of enchantment,
          I could do it ....Why ?"

 Chap - "I'm Cursed."

 Merlin - "Really ... and how long have you been bewitched?"

 Chap - "Years....."

 Merlin - "Do you know the words spoken over you to lay
          this curse?"

 Chap - "Yeah .. can't forget them!"

 Merlin - "What were they?"

 Chap - "Something like ... "Do you take this women to be
        your lawfully wedded wife..."

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Subj:     Obsessed w/Queen's Breasts (S423, S673b)
          From: jbcary1 on 3/1/2005

 Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to
 nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he
 knew the penalty for this would be death.

 One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,
 Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
 Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for
 Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would
 cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.  Without pause,
 Nick the Dragon  Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

 The next day, Horatio the Physician  made a batch of itching
 powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere
 while she bathed.  Soon after the itching commenced and grew
 intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address
 this incident,  Horatio the Physician informed the King and
 Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours,
 would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that
 only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the
 antidote to cure the itch.  The King quickly summoned Nick
 the Dragon Slayer.  Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick
 the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which
 he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
 Nick passionately licked and nuzzled the Queen's voluptuous
 and magnificent breasts.  The Queen's itching was eventually
 relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and was
 touted as a hero.

 Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found
 Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold
 coins.  With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon
 Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio
 the Physician could never report this matter to the King,
 shooed him away with no payment made.  The next day, Horatio
 the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching
 powder into the King's shorts.

 The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

 MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills!

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
          By Bob Thaves on 1/30/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2009/01/30
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Subj:     The Magic Troll (S417b)
          From: JokesUncut on 1/18/2005

 There once was a King and Queen who ruled a kingdom by the
 sea. One day the King's brother, who ruled a kingdom in the
 mountains, took ill and needed help ruling his land.

 The first king volunteered to help and explained to the
 queen that his brother's illness may last many months. They
 would see one another each weekend. Every other weekend the
 king would journey, on horseback, down from the mountains.
 On alternating weekends the queen would journey, up from
 the seaside, the same way.

 "There is one very important thing to remember" said the
 king. "Halfway between the two lands is a bridge which
 crosses a deep ravine. The bridge is guarded by a magic
 troll, who lives under the bridge as most trolls are apt to
 do. He will ask you to pay a toll, a four leaf clover, so
 you must promise me you will always remember to bring one
 with you."

 "I will" she replied thinking that would be easy since all
 castles in those days were surrounded by fields of four
 leaf clovers, for good luck.

 So the time comes for the queen to make her first journey.
 She picks the clover, puts it in the pocket of her dress
 and off she goes. After a while she comes to the bridge
 and out crawls an ugly little troll. "He certainly doesn't
 look very magical" she thinks to herself.

 The troll begins to speak. "I am the troll who lives under
 the bridge and YOU must pay a toll ... a four leaf clover
 if you please ... or bend over on your knees."

 And with that he dropped his pants revealing the biggest,
 thickest cock the queen had ever seen. He then thrust his
 hips back and forth three or four times to show exactly
 what he intended do with his massive, 13 inch prick.

 The queen, all flustered and embarrassed, quickly gave
 him the clover and hurried on her way.

 This went on for many months. The queen grew used to
 seeing the trolls equipment and even began fantasizing
 about how it would be to let the troll screw her. After
 all, the king was just of an average size and he was all
 she had ever been with. It got to the point where her
 panties would get damp at the thought of making the
 journey across the bridge.

 One fateful day, as she approached the bridge, she
 thought "What the hell, you only live once" and threw
 her clover away.

 When she reached the bridge the troll was waiting. "I
 am the troll who lives under the bridge and YOU must
 pay a toll ... a four leaf clover if you please ... or
 bend over on your knees."

 "My god" said the queen looking in the pocket of her
 dress, "I seem to have lost my four leaf clover. It looks
 like I will have to take the second choice today."

 So the troll helps the queen off her horse and leads her
 down under the bridge where there is a beautiful bed of
 flowers. She lifts her dress, slips off her silky royal
 panties, bends over and gets down on her knees on the
 flowers. As soon as he enters her soaking wet pussy she
 realizes why he is called a "magic troll".

 The troll screws the queen like she has never been screwed
 before in all her life. Echoes of the queens moans and
 gasps of pleasure bounce off the ravine walls for the next
 couple of hours.

 When they are finally done they lay exhausted in the
 flowers.

 "I have to admit ..." said the queen,
 "I'm kind of glad I lost my clover."

 "Oh, I hear that one all the time" replies the troll.

 "Do many ladies come by here who have lost their clover"
 says the queen coyly.

 "Oh no" replies the troll ...

 "But your husband, the King, loses his every single time..."

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Subj:     King Arthur And What Women Want (S135, S790)
          From: mbucher on 8/27/99
      and From: tom on 3/4/2012

 Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch
 of a neighboring kingdom.  The monarch could have killed him,
 but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness.  He offered Arthur
 his freedom, if he could answer a very difficult question.
 Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a
 year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.  The question
 was:  What do women really want?

 Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgable man.
 To young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.  Since it was
 better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to
 have an answer by year's end.  He returned to his kingdom and
 began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the
 priests, the wise men, the court jester.  In all, he spoke with
 everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

 What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as
 only she would know the answer.  The price would be high, since
 the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant
 prices she charged.  The last day of the year arrived and Arthur
 had no alternative but to talk to the witch.

 She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her
 price first:  The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the
 most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest
 friend!  Young Arthur was horrified:  she was hunchbacked and
 awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water,
 often made obscene noises... He had never run across such a
 repugnant creature.

 He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure
 such a burden.  Sir Lancelot, upon learning of the proposal,
 spoke with Arthur.  He told him that nothing was too big of a
 sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the
 Round Table.  Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the
 witch answered Arthur's question:  What a woman really wants is
 to be able to be in charge of her own life.

 Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth
 and that Arthur's life would be spared.  And so it went.  The
 neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total
 freedom.

 What a wedding Sir Lancelot and the witch had!  Arthur was torn
 between relief and anguish.  Sir Lancelot was proper as always,
 gentle and courteous.  The old witch put her worst manners on
 display.  She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made
 everyone uncomfortable.  The wedding night approached: Sir
 Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the
 bedroom.  What a sight awaited!  The most beautiful woman he'd
 ever seen lay before him!  Sir Lancelot was astounded and asked
 what had happened.  The beauty replied that since he had been so
 kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would
 be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be
 her beautiful maiden self.

 Which would he want her to be during the day and which during
 the night?  What a cruel question?  Sir Lancelot began to think
 of his predicament:  During the day a beautiful woman to show
 off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home,
 an old spooky witch?  Or would he prefer having by day a hideous
 witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate
 moments?  What would you do?  What Sir Lancelot chose follows
 below, but don't read  until you've made your own choice.
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 Sir Lancelot replied that he would let her choose for herself.
 Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful
 all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be
 in charge of her own life. What is the moral of this story?

 THE MORAL IS THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR WOMAN IS PRETTY
 OR UGLY, UNDERNEATH IT ALL, SHE'S STILL A WITCH.

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Subj:     Kaltenberg Knight's Tournament (S1015)
          From: Claudia Rook on Facebook on 6/23/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZB-r999ncwE
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this commercial for a
....................German Middle-Ages fantasy.
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Subj:     King Arthur's Chastity Belt (S178)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-07
      and From: Gmahered on 6/28/00
 (Also see 'King Arthur Returns From Quest' in PENIS1)

 King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard
 was showing him his latest invention.  It was a chastity belt.
 Except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

 "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this
 opening.  How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?"

 "Ah, sire, just observe." said Merlin as he searched his cluttered
 workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected
 his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway.
 He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt
 whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in
 two.

 "Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch, "Now I can
 leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."  After putting
 Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

 Several years passed until he returned to Camelot.  Immediately
 he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop
 their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

 Sure enough!  Each and every one of them was either amputated or
 damaged in some way.  All of them except Sir Galahad.  "Sir Galahad,"
 exclaimed King Arthur, -You are the one and only true knight!  Only
 you among all the nobles have been true to me.  What is it in my
 power to grant you?  Name it and it is yours!"

 But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

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Subj:     Chastity Belt Key
..........From: humorlist-digest V2 #74 on 98-03-24

 In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular
 knight was leaving for a crusade and so he called one
 of his squires.

 "I'm leaving for the crusade.  Here is the key to my wife's
 chastity belt.  If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you
 may use the key."

 The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head
 to toe, and takes one last look at his castle.

 He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling,
 "Stop!  Thank goodness I was able to catch you... This is
 the WRONG KEY."

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (DU)
          By Bob Thaves on 3/14/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2009/03/14
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Subj:     Short Knight Jokes

From: humorlist-digest V2 #74 on 98-03-24
 Once a King, Always a King......but Once a Knight is enough!

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..............................From Smiley_Central
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