Subj: Blonde1 Jokes
(Includes 35 jokes and articles, 16840n,5,cf,md4w,3)
Click "Here" for Blonde1-Supp
Blonde Babe from
Big Daddy's Animations
Also see ALLIGATOR
- 'Alligator Shoes'
ARKANSAS - 'Woman Shot In Car'
BODY PARTS - 'Blonde Sees Eye Doctor'
CANADA file - 'Snowplowing In Ottawa'
CARS1 file - 'Man Paints Porch'
......................- 'A Blonde Borrows $5000 from Bank'
CARS SUPP - 'Moving To The Back Seat'
CATHOLIC file- 'The Blonde Who Married A Catholic'
CATS2 file - 'Cat Looses It's Tail'
CHURCH file - 'Blonde Man Gets Black Eye'
CLOTHING file- 'Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
.........COLLEGE1 file- 'Qualifications For US President'
.........COLLEGE2 file- 'Blonde Takes College Final'
COMPUTERS3 - 'Tech Support'
CONTRACTOR - 'Blondes At The Lumberyard'
COWBOY2 file - 'Blonde Cowboy'
......................- 'Two Cowpokes And The Indian Head'
COWS-SHEEP - 'Milk Baths'
......................- 'Shepherd Makes A Bet'
DATING1 file - 'Picking Up Girls With Potatoes'
DOCTOR2 file - 'Woman Goes On Anal Diet'
......................- 'Doctor Prescribes A Diet'
FIREMEN file - 'Blonde Calls Fire Department'
FARNER1 file - 'Blonde City Girl And The Colorado Rancher'
FISHING1 file- 'Drunk Goes Ice Fishing'
FOOTBALL file- 'Blonde At A Football Game'
GAMES file - 'Nude Craps'
GENIE file - 'Three Blonds Find A Genie'
......................- 'Three Blonds Find A Fairy'
HOOKER2 file - 'Pres. Bush Wants A Call Girl'
HORSE file - 'Horseback Riding Accident'
IRISH1 file - 'Irish, English And Scotsman Discussing Their Wives'
MAILMAN-ETC - 'Blonde Wants Milk Bath'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Husband Can't Satisfy His Wife'
NATIONAL-SUP2- 'Natural Born Citizens'
OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Taking A Load Of Penguins To The Zoo'
OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'A Blonde Antelope...'
PENIS1 file - 'Sun Burned Dick'
PHONE file - 'Blonde Gets A Cell Phone'
POLICE file - 'K-9 Unit Responds To Burglary'
PSYCHOLOGIST - 'The Psychiatrist And The Hostess'
REDHEAD file - 'Two Salors Talk About Girls'
SHIPS file - 'Blonde Boater'
TATTOOS file - 'Seashell Tattoo'
THANKSGV-SUPP- 'Pregnant Turkey'
TRUCK-BUS - 'Blonde Bowling Team Rides A Bus'
WAITER file - 'Trucker's Breakfast'
BLONDE1 and 2 file contains jokes
BLONDE3 file contains Q/A jokes
Blonde Urban Or Rural (S634b,d)
This blonde on the Newlywed Game
in the 70's doesn't know how to
answer the question, so she fakes it. This creates a classic,
funny, blonde video. Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for
my copy of this very funny TV game..
Subj: "What Is Easter?" Blonde Version (S57, S751)
..........From: Anaise on 98-03-04
and From: LABLaughsClean on 2/12/2009
Three blondes have died and are
at the pearly gates of
heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates
if they can answer one simple question.
St.Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's
easy! It's the holiday in
November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and all
"Wrong!" replies St. Peter and
proceeds to ask the second
blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"
The second blonde replies, "Easter
is the holiday in December
when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents,and celebrate
the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second
blonde, shakes his head in
disgust, tells her she's wrong, then peers over his glasses
at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"
The third blonde smiles confidently
and looks St. Peter in
the eyes. "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.
"Easter is the Christian holiday
that coincides with the
Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples
were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived
and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The
Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the
side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a
cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a
nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, "Every
year the boulder is
moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his
shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
Subj: Boyfriend Is Buying Flowers (S05)
From: thebartend on 09/22/1999
(Also see 'What To Do With The Roses' in MARRIAGE2)
Blonde and Brunette friends are
walking down the street and
pass a flower shop, where the Brunette happens to see her boy-
friend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boy-
friend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."
The Blonde looks quizzically
at her and says, "What's the big
deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The Brunette says, "Oh, sure...but
he always has expectations
after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The Blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
Subj: Mirror, Mirror (S99, S369b)
From: RFSlick on 98-12-06
and From: Grampsboyd on 2/15/2004
Legend has it that there is a
bar in New York where, in
the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one
stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one
is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - *poof*
- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never
to be seen again.
Sooooo, A redhead of questionable
looks walks into the
Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I
think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - -
*poof* The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette
stands before the mirror
and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - -
*poof* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond
comes in and stands
before the mirror and says, "I think..." - - - *poof*
Subj: Two Sisters Buy A Bull (S278b, S516)
From: coreymac on 5/28/2002
and From: auntiegah on 12/6/2006
Two sisters, one blonde and one
brunette, inherit the
family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years,
they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the
bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon
leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get
there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to
drive out after me and haul it home.'
The Brunette arrives at the man's
ranch, inspects the bull
and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he will
sell it for $599 no less. After paying him, she drives
to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
her the news.
She walks into the telegraph
office and says I want to
send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a
bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to
our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll be
happy to help her out, and then adds that it will be
0.99 cents a word, she realizes that after paying for
the bull she only had a dollar left, she would only be
able to send her sister one word, she thinks for a minute
and nods her head and says I want to send my sister the
The telegraph operator says how
is she going to know that
you want her to hitch the trailer up to the truck and come
and pick you up with the word comfortable? The brunette
explains my sister is a blonde the word's big so she'll
read it slow (COM-FOR-DA-BUL).
Blonde Goes To Work After Many Years
From: darrellvip on 5/16/2008 (S592b,d)
This very short video is cute. Click 'HERE' to see it.
Subj: Not So Dumb Blonde Gets Time Off (S357b, S637c)
From: Imogenelumen on 11/16/2003
Two factory workers were
talking. "I know how to get some
time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you will do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her...by
climbing up to the rafters, and
hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker
hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was
"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off,"
said the boss. So, the man
jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out
too. The boss asked her where
did she think she was going? "Home. I can't work in the dark".
Subj: Blonde Kidnaps Young Boy (S121)
From: kate289 on 5/25/99
A blonde was down on her luck.
In order to raise some money,
she decided to kidnap a kid for ransom. She went to the
playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told
him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying,
"I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under
the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the
playground. Signed, A Blonde." The blonde then pinned the
note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his
The next morning the blonde checked,
and sure enough, a paper
bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened
the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How
could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
Subj: Blonde Wins Contest (S358, DU)
From: RFSlick on 12/7/2003
A blonde goes into a restaurant
and notices there's a "peel
and win" sticker on her coffee cup. She peels it off and
starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor
The waitress says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize is
a free lunch." But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a
motor home! I've won a motor home!"
Finally the manager comes over
and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry,
but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor
home because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No it's not
a mistake. I've won a motor
home!" She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...
(You're gonna love this)
" W I N A B A G E L"
Subj: Three Blondes Fishing
From: Anaise on 98-01-24
Three blondes are sitting by
the side of a river holding
fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden
comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says,
"Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if your going to fish,
you need fishing licenses."
said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second
blonde, "we aren't fishing.
We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're
collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all
the lines and, sure enough,
there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden,
"take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game
As soon as the Game Warden was
out of sight, the three
blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish
Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he
know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
Blonde Needs A Car Part (S628c, S754)
From: pns on 11/11/2002
and From: allenbergman on 6/25/2011
Drawing from ClipArtLogo.com
He gave her a piece of paper
and a pen and asked her to draw
what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the
middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another
car which had it's hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this
car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
Click "Here" to see the auto part.
Subj: Three Blondes In The Woods (S516)
Three blondes are walking through
the forest. They come
upon some tracks. The first blonde says "They're deer
tracks." The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."
The third blonde says "They're moose tracks." Then a
train hits them.
Subj: Blonde Dyes Her Hair (S21)
From: ipkis on 97-06-17
Once upon a time, a blonde became
so sick of hearing blonde
jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days
later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she
stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures,
she said to the shepherd,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!" The blonde
thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said,
"352." This being the correct number, the shepherd
was amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to
my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered
the entire flock and finally
picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than
any of the others. As she got back into her car, the shepherd
turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for
you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog
Subj: The Blonde And The Contractor (S286c)
From: auntiegah on 7/24/2002
A painting contractor was speaking
with a woman about her
job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window,
opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second
room she told the painter she would like it painted in a
soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window,
opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious
but she said nothing. In the
third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply.
"But I have a crew of blondes
laying sod across the street."
Subj: The Blonde Interview (S240)
From TNKRTEACH on 97-04-17
and From: pns on 9/6/2001
A blonde goes for a job interview
in an office. The
interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss,
can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on
her fingers for about 30
seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".
The interviewer tries another
straight forward one to
break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".
The young lady stands up and
produces a measuring tape
from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot
and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks
the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".
This isn't looking good so the
interviewer goes for the
real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records,
your name please?"
The blonde bobs her head from
side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying "Mandy!".
The interviewer is completely
baffled at this stage, so
he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?"
"Ohh that!", replies the blonde,
"That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".
Subj: The Blonde Interview II (S387b, S819)
From: RFSlick on 4/7/2002
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
show up for the same
job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in,
and after filling out the forms and going through the
questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last
"How many D's are there in "INDIANA
The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".
The interviewer sends her back
with a promise that he'll
get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining
The redhead is next. The process
goes about the same, and
at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?
She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK,
we'll let you know".
Then the blonde comes into the
room, goes through the
questions, and finally gets asked "How many D's are there
in INDIANA JONES".
She gets a very serious look
on her face and starts
counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm -
wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes
of intense calculating,
she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"
The interviewer is stunned and
asks her: "Ok, now tell me,
how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"
To hear her response to the question
"How many D's are in
To hear the answer "Double-Click" on
Subj: Blonde Does Jigsaw Puzzle (S126b, S351b)
From: thebartend on 6/29/99
and From: Imogenelumen on 10/17/2003
A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw
puzzle, but it's too hard.
None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" he asks.
"It's of a big rooster," she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she thanks him
for coming over and leads
him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out.
He takes one look at what she's
been struggling with and
says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling
a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you
to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he
sighed, "...let's put all these cornflakes back in the box."
Subj: Blonde On An Airline (S405, S608c)
From: hellgunner50 on 10/20/2004
and From: philc on 9/2/2008
A plane is on its way to Houston
when a blonde in economy
class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits
down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to
see her ticket. She tells the blonde that she paid for the
economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies. "I'm blonde,
I'm beautiful, I'm going
to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into
the cockpit and tells the
pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting
in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back
to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries
to explain that because she only paid for economy, she will
have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies. "I'm blonde,
I'm beautiful, I'm going
to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot
that he probably should have
the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde
woman who won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "You
say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to
a blonde. I speak blonde.
The pilot goes back to the blonde
and whispers in her ear.
The blonde says, "Oh, I'm sorry." She gets up and goes
back to her seat in economy. The flight attendant and the
co_pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to make
her move without and fuss.
"I told her that first class isn't going to Houston"!
Subj: Blonde On An Airline2 (S318b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/17/2003
A Blonde gets an oppurtunity
to fly to a nearby country.
She's never been on an airplane anywhere and is now so
excited and tensed. As soon as she boarded the plane, a
BOEING 747, started jumping in excitement, running over
seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING!! BOEING!! BOEING!!
BOEING....'. She forgets what's around, and even the
pilot in the cock-pit could hear the noise.
Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot
came out and shouted 'BE
There was pin-drop silence every
where and everybody is
looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She starred at
the Pilot in silence for a moment and all of a sudden
started shouting, 'OEING! OEING!! OEING!! OEING!!!...'.
Subj: Blonde Stopped By Cop (S28)
From: TheBartend on 97-08-05
(See 'Wheel Chair Demon' in ELDERLY2)
One day while on patrol, a police
officer pulled over a car
for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to
roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides
the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop
dead blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding,
Ma'am.... could I see
your drivers license...?"
"...What's a license...???" replied
the blonde, instantly
giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes,
the driver managed to
"Now may I see your registration?.." asked the cop.
"Registration?..... What's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment..."
said the cop
After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute..."
said the cop and walked back
to his car.
The officer phoned into the dispatch
to run a check on the
woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the
dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red
"Yes...." replied the officer.
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.
"Uh... yes" replied the cop.
"Here's what you do...." said
the dispatcher. "Give her the
stuff back, and drop your pants..."
"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its.....
exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car,
gives back the license and
registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs..."Ohh
no... not ANOTHER
Subj: Blonde Pulled Over By Highway Patrol (S423b, S894)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/25/2005
and From: DJ Billy Daniel Bunter on Facebook
Subj: Blond Dies And Goes To Heaven
A dumb Blonde died and went to
Heaven. When she got to the
Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get
to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint
Peter said not to worry he'd
make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
What made you say that?" said Saint
Then She started to sing "Andy
walks with me! Andy talks
with me! Andy tells me..."
Subj: Blonde Proves She Is Smart
Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/15/94
A blonde friend of mine was getting
real tired of hearing
blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it. In
order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent
a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized
all the capitols for all the states.
The next time she was with a
group of people, someone
started telling a blonde joke. "Hey", she said, "not all
blondes are stupid and I can prove it. Give the name of
any state and I'll tell you it's capitol."
"Vermont," someone called out.
"V," she replied with a smile.
Subj: Three Pregnant Ladies Having Exams (S491)
From: Medical Humor on 6/21/2006
There were three women who were
at the gynecologist having
pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in
what position was the baby conceived?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"You will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a
blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?"
Subj: Three Ladies In A Bar
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
Three young ladies walk into
a bar. One's a brunette, one's
a red-head, and one's a blonde.
The bartender asks the brunette, "What'll it be?"
She answers, "I'll have an 'ML' ."
The bartender asks, "What's an ML?"
"Duh...Miller Lite...Don't you
know anything?" she says.
She gets her beer and steps away.
The red-head is then asked what she wants. "I'll have a 'BL'. "
"What in the world is a 'BL'?" asks the bartender.
She blurts out, "Duuh...Bud Lite...Don't you know anything?"
Feeling a little put down but
not wanting to show it, the
bartender gives her the drink and then asks the blonde,
"Now what can I get for you?"
The blonde answers, "I'll have a '15'."
"Now I've heard it all," says
the bartender, "What the
heck is a 15?"
"Duh," says the blonde. "It's seven and seven!"
Subj: Blonde Enters Swimming Contest (S116)
From: ipkis on 97-06-11
and From: collins2 on 4/26/99
A blonde woman competed with
a brunette and a redhead in the
Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first and the redhead was a close second.
Much later, the blonde finally reached shore, completely
exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she
muttered "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think
those other two girls used their arms."
Subj: Blonde In Vegas
From: ipkis on 97-06-15
In Vegas, a blonde walks up to
a Coke machine and puts in a
coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs
away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding
the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping
out the drinks.
Another person walks up behind
the blonde and watches her
antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if
someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts
in her face: "Can't you
see I'm winning?"
Subj: Blonde's Revenge
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-13
A young blonde woman is distraught
because she fears her
husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and
buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to
find her husband in bed with
a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her
The husband jumps out of bed,
begging and pleading with her
not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to
the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
Subj: Hurt Woman At The Doctor (S141, S453)
From: ipkis on 97-07-18
and From: DoctorDebt on 9/18/2005
A woman went to her doctor complaining
of pain. "Where are
you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over," said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?"
asked the doctor, "be a little
The woman touched her right knee
with her index finger and
yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek
and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too!" Next she touched
her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts!" she cried.
The doctor then asks, "You're
not really a natural brunette,
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."
Subj: Blonde Cashier
From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
Last week while I was out on
the West Coast, my boss and I
stopped by a super market in Palo Alto/Mt. View to get
some fruit. I got in line with this blonde cashier, paid
for my groceries and commented to the teenage boy bagging
my purchases that I really look forward to California
because the fruit is so much better than the stuff on the
East Coast. He smiled and nodded, and I picked up my bag
A few minutes later my boss,
who was behind me in line,
came out and related the following story:
The young Mexican boy who was
bagging asked "Where's the
Replied the blonde checkout girl,
with her nose in the air,
"You know, the East coast. Out east, by the Atlantic Ocean."
"Oh, I see. What are some of the states?"
The blonde, who seemed to be
getting frustrated at having to
deal with such an ignorant person, replied in a really
condescending tone, "You know, New York, New Jersey,
Connecticut, Long Island...."
Subj: Blonde In A Car Accident
From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
A blonde call girl was being
driven to a secluded spot by a
client when his car left the road, hit a tree and she was
flung through the windshield.
She was rushed to the hospital
with blood pouring from her
head and face. Once at the hospital she clamped her hands
to her face and began to scream "I'm blind. I'm blind.
Fetch me a doctor quick." A doctor was summoned and quickly
deduced that it was the blood from her wounds which were
blocking her vision and he tried to reassure her to this
effect. She, however, insisted, continuing to shout. "I'm
blind f'chris'sake. I'm blind. The doctor pried away her
hands from her face and began to wash away the blood from
When he had removed what he considered
enough, he stood back
and said "How many fingers do I have up?"
The call girl thought for a few
seconds then a look of horror
spread across her face. "Oh God!" she exclaimed. "I'm
Subj: A Blonde And A Redhead Watch The News (S220, S647b)
From: TheBartend on 97-08-15
and From: gattica30 on 6/3/2009
A blond and a redhead woman went
to lunch. They had to wait
for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink. The
TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a
rooftop threatening to jump. The redhead told the blond "I
bet you 50 bucks he jumps." The blond said you're on. Sure
enough the man jumped so the blond starts to dig out her
The redhead felt kind of bad
so she said "that's ok, I
cheated. I saw this on the 10 o'clock news last night. The
blond said "Well so did I, but I didn't think he would jump
twice in a row!!
Subj: Blonde Wants To Send Message To Her Mother (S30, S381)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #173 on 97-08-17
and From: DoctorDebt on 5/16/2004
A blonde goes into a world wide
message center to send a
message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it
will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but
I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in
To that the man asks, "Anything??"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow
me." He walks into the
next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does. He then says, "Get on your knees." She does.
He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does!! He then
says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that, she takes it
out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then
says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to
it, and while holding it
close to her lips, she says, "Hello....mom?"
Subj: Ten Blondes Chant '51 Days' At Bar
From: humorlist-digest V1 #229 on 97-10-22
A bartender is sitting behind
the bar on a typical day,
when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant
blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of
champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit
down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses
are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days,
51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive,
take up their drinks and
the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more
blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in
raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes
in with a picture under
her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in
the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they
begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all
the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his
curiosity any longer, so
he walks over to the table. There in the center is a
beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little
bit, the bartender
asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and
The blonde who brought in the
picture pipes in, "Everyone
thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.
So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got
together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The
side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in
Subj: Blonde Moment (Drawing - S387)
From: mrx on 6/14/2004