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Subj:     Blonde1 Jokes
                 (Includes 36 jokes and articles, 12 1031,6,cf,wYT4,3)

          Click "Here" for Blonde1-Supp


Blonde Babe from
Big Daddy's Animations
Includes the following:  Arthur Ferrier Cartoon (S1031)
.........................Blonde Convention (S832 in Supp)
.........................Blonde Buys Pink Curtains (S804 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Arthur Ferrier Cartoon (S1030)
.........................The Blonde Interview (S240)
.........................The Blonde Interview II - Audio (S387b, S1030)
.........................Blonde Urban Or Rural - Video (S634b)
........................."What Is Easter?" Blonde Vers. (S57, S751)
.........................Boyfriend Is Buying Flowers (S05)
.........................Mirror, Mirror (S99, S369)
.........................Two Sisters Buy A Bull (S278b, S516)
.........................Blonde Goes To Work After Many Years - Video (S592b)
.........................Not So Dumb Blonde Gets Time Off (S357b, S637c)
.........................Blonde Kidnaps Young Boy (S121)
.........................Blonde Wins Contest (S358, DU)
.........................Three Blondes Fishing
.........................Blonde Needs A Car Part - Attached Picture (S628c, S754)
.........................Three Blondes In The Woods (S516)
.........................Blonde Dyes Her Hair (S21)
.........................The Blonde And The Contractor (S286c)
.........................Blonde Does Jigsaw Puzzle (S126b, S351b)
.........................Blonde On An Airline (S405, S608c)
.........................Blonde On An Airline2 (S318b)
.........................Blonde Stopped By Cop (S28)
.........................Blonde Pulled Over By Highway Patrol (S423b, S894)
.........................Blond Dies And Goes To Heaven
.........................Blonde Proves She Is Smart
.........................Three Pregnant Ladies Having Exams (S491)
.........................Three Ladies In A Bar
.........................Blonde Enters Swimming Contest (S116)
.........................Blonde In Vegas
.........................Blonde's Revenge
.........................Hurt Woman At The Doctor (S141, S453)
.........................Blonde Cashier
.........................Blonde In A Car Accident
.........................A Blonde And A Redhead Watch The News (S220, S647b)
.........................Blonde Wants To Send Message To Her Mother (S30, S381)
.........................Ten Blonds Chant '51 Days' At Bar
.........................Blonde Moment - Drawing (S387)
.........................Short Jokes About Blondes
..............................Blonde Acquires Two Dogs (S775 in Supp)

Also see ALLIGATOR    - 'Alligator Shoes'
         ARKANSAS     - 'Woman Shot In Car'
         BODY PARTS   - 'Blonde Sees Eye Doctor'
         CANADA file  - 'Snowplowing In Ottawa'
         CARS1 file   - 'Man Paints Porch'
......................- 'A Blonde Borrows $5000 from Bank'
         CARS SUPP    - 'Moving To The Back Seat'
         CATHOLIC file- 'The Blonde Who Married A Catholic'
         CATS2 file   - 'Cat Looses It's Tail'
         CHURCH file  - 'Blonde Man Gets Black Eye'
         CLOTHING file- 'Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
.........COLLEGE1 file- 'Qualifications For US President'
.........COLLEGE2 file- 'Blonde Takes College Final'
         COMPUTERS3   - 'Tech Support'
         CONTRACTOR   - 'Blondes At The Lumberyard'
         COWBOY2 file - 'Blonde Cowboy'
......................- 'Two Cowpokes And The Indian Head'
         COWS-SHEEP   - 'Milk Baths'
......................- 'Shepherd Makes A Bet'
         DATING1 file - 'Picking Up Girls With Potatoes'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Woman Goes On Anal Diet'
......................- 'Doctor Prescribes A Diet'
         FIREMEN file - 'Blonde Calls Fire Department'
         FARNER1 file - 'Blonde City Girl And The Colorado Rancher'
         FISHING1 file- 'Drunk Goes Ice Fishing'
         FOOTBALL file- 'Blonde At A Football Game'
         GAMES file   - 'Nude Craps'
         GENIE file   - 'Three Blonds Find A Genie'
......................- 'Three Blonds Find A Fairy'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Pres. Bush Wants A Call Girl'
         HORSE file   - 'Horseback Riding Accident'
         IRISH1 file  - 'Irish, English And Scotsman Discussing Their Wives'
         MAILMAN-ETC  - 'Blonde Wants Milk Bath'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Husband Can't Satisfy His Wife'
         NATIONAL-SUP2- 'Natural Born Citizens'
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Taking A Load Of Penguins To The Zoo'
         OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'A Blonde Antelope...'
         PENIS1 file  - 'Sun Burned Dick'
         PHONE file   - 'Blonde Gets A Cell Phone'
         POLICE file  - 'K-9 Unit Responds To Burglary'
         PSYCHOLOGIST - 'The Psychiatrist And The Hostess'
         REDHEAD file - 'Two Salors Talk About Girls'
         SHIPS file   - 'Blonde Boater'
         TATTOOS file - 'Seashell Tattoo'
         THANKSGV-SUPP- 'Pregnant Turkey'
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Blonde Bowling Team Rides A Bus'
         WAITER file  - 'Trucker's Breakfast'
BLONDE1 and 2 file contains jokes
BLONDE3 file contains Q/A jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     Arthur Ferrier Cartoon (S1030)
          From: Tim Cameresi on Pinterest.com
  Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/112308584432015327/
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Top
Subj:     The Blonde Interview (S240)
          From TNKRTEACH on 97-04-17
      and From: pns on 9/6/2001

 A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.  The
 interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss,
 can you tell us your age, please?"

 The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30
 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".

 The interviewer tries another straight forward one to
 break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".

 The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape
 from her handbag.  She then traps one end under her foot
 and extends the tape to the top of her head.  She checks
 the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".

 This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the
 real basics.  "And ehh, just to confirm for our records,
 your name please?"

 The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
 twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
 before replying "Mandy!".

 The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
 he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand
 your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
 the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
 were you doing when we asked you your name?"

 "Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just me running
 through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".

Top
Subj:     The Blonde Interview II (S387b, S1030)
          From: RFSlick on 4/7/2002
 Source: (Removed from plainjanegames.com)

 A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same
 job interview.  The brunette is the first one to go in,
 and after filling out the forms and going through the
 questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last
 question:

 "How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES"?
 The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".

 The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll
 get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining
 candidates.

 The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and
 at the end:  "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?
 She immediately says "One".  The interviewer says, "OK,
 we'll let you know".

 Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the
 questions, and finally gets asked "How many D's are there
 in INDIANA JONES".

 She gets a very serious look on her face and starts
 counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm -
 wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"

 After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating,
 she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"

 The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me,
 how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"

 To hear her response to the question "How many D's are in
 Indiana Jones?"

 To hear the answer "Double-Click" on 

Top
Subj:     Blonde Urban Or Rural (S634b,d)
          From: darrellvip
          on 3/2/2009
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/8CAbFDt3Evs

 This blonde on the Newlywed Game in the 70's doesn't know
 how to answer the question, so she fakes it.  This creates
 a classic, funny, blonde video.  Click 'HERE' to see this
 very funny TV game show episode.

Top
Subj:     "What Is Easter?" Blonde Version (S57, S751)
..........From: Anaise on 98-03-04

 Three blondes have died and are at the pearly gates of
 heaven.  St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates
 if they can answer one simple question.

 St.Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

 The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy!  It's the holiday in
 November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and all
 are thankful."

 "Wrong!" replies St. Peter and proceeds to ask the second
 blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"

 The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December
 when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents,and celebrate
 the birth of Jesus."

 St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in
 disgust, tells her she's wrong, then peers over his glasses
 at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

 The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in
 the eyes. "I know what Easter is."

 "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

 "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the
 Jewish celebration of Passover.  Jesus and his disciples
 were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived
 and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples.  The
 Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the
 side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a
 cross with nails through his hands.  He was buried in a
 nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

 St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

 The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is
 moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his
 shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

Top
Subj:     Boyfriend Is Buying Flowers (S05)
          From: thebartend on 09/22/1999

 (Also see 'What To Do With The Roses' in MARRIAGE2)

 Blonde and Brunette friends are walking down the street and
 pass a flower shop, where the Brunette happens to see her boy-
 friend buying flowers.  She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boy-
 friend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."

 The Blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big
 deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

 The Brunette says, "Oh, sure...but he always has expectations
 after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
 the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

 The Blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Top
Subj:     Mirror, Mirror (S99, S369b)
          From: RFSlick on 98-12-06

 Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in
 the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror.  If one
 stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one
 is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - *poof*
 - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never
 to be seen again.

 Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the
 Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I
 think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - -
 *poof* The mirror swallows her.

 Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror
 and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - -
 *poof* The mirror swallows her.

 Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands
 before the mirror and says, "I think..." - - - *poof*

Top
Subj:     Two Sisters Buy A Bull (S278b, S516)
          From: coreymac on 5/28/2002
      and From: auntiegah on 12/6/2006

 Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the
 family ranch.  Unfortunately, after just a few years,
 they are in financial trouble.  In order to keep the
 bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
 a bull so that they can breed their own stock.  Upon
 leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get
 there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to
 drive out after me and haul it home.'

 The Brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull
 and decides to buy it.  The man tells her that he will
 sell it for $599 no less.  After paying him, she drives
 to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
 her the news.

 She walks into the telegraph office and says I want to
 send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a
 bull for our ranch.  I need her to hitch the trailer to
 our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
 home.  The telegraph operator explains that he'll be
 happy to help her out, and then adds that it will be
 0.99 cents a word, she realizes that after paying for
 the bull she only had a dollar left, she would only be
 able to send her sister one word, she thinks for a minute
 and nods her head and says I want to send my sister the
 word "comfortable".

 The telegraph operator says how is she going to know that
 you want her to hitch the trailer up to the truck and come
 and pick you up with the word comfortable?  The brunette
 explains my sister is a blonde the word's big so she'll
 read it slow (COM-FOR-DA-BUL).

Top
Subj:     Blonde Goes To Work After Many Years
          From: darrellvip on 5/16/2008 (S592b,d)
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/mFCCFS_lhA8

 This very short video is cute.  Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Not So Dumb Blonde Gets Time Off (S357b, S637c)
          From: Imogenelumen on 11/16/2003

 Two factory workers  were talking.  "I know how to get some
 time off from work." said the  man.

 "How do you think you will do that?" said the blonde.

 He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and
 hanging upside down.  The boss walked in, saw the worker
 hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was
 doing?

 "I'm a light bulb" answered  the guy.

 "I think you need some time off," said the boss.  So, the man
 jumped down and walked out of the factory.

 The blonde began walking out too.  The boss asked her where
 did she think she was going?  "Home.  I can't work in the dark".

Top
Subj:     Blonde Kidnaps Young Boy (S121)
          From: kate289 on 5/25/99

 A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money,
 she decided to kidnap a kid for ransom.  She went to the
 playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told
 him, "I've kidnapped you."

 She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.
 Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under
 the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the
 playground.  Signed, A Blonde."  The blonde then pinned the
 note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his
 parents.

 The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper
 bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.  The blonde opened
 the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How
 could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Top
Subj:     Blonde Wins Contest (S358, DU)
          From: RFSlick on 12/7/2003

 A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel
 and win" sticker on her coffee cup.  She peels it off and
 starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor
 home!"

 The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is
 a free lunch."  But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a
 motor home! I've won a motor home!"

 Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry,
 but you're mistaken.  You couldn't possibly have won a motor
 home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

 The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake.  I've won a motor
 home!"  She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...
 (You're gonna love this)
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 " W I N A B A G E L"

Top
Subj:     Three Blondes Fishing
          From: Anaise on 98-01-24

 Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding
 fishing poles with the lines in the water.  A Game Warden
 comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says,
 "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

 "We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

 "Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
 said the Game Warden.

 "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing.
 We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're
 collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

 The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough,
 there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
 "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden,
 "take all the debris you want."  And with that, the Game
 Warden left.

 As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three
 blondes started laughing hysterically.  "What a dumb Fish
 Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he
 know that there are steelhead in this river?!"

Top
Subj:     Blonde Needs A Car Part (S628c, S754)
          From: pns on 11/11/2002
      and From: allenbergman on 6/25/2011

Drawing from ClipArtLogo.com

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 A few days ago I was having some work done at my local
 garage.  A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
 We all looked at each other and another customer asked,
 "What's a  seven-hundred-ten?"  She replied, "you know, the
 little piece in the middle of the engine, I have  lost it
 and need a new one."

 He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw
 what the piece  looked like.  She drew a circle and in the
 middle of it wrote 710.  He then took her over to another
 car which had it's hood up and asked "is  there a 710 on this
 car?"  She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

 Click "Here" to see the auto part.

Top
Subj:     Three Blondes In The Woods (S516)

 Three blondes are walking through the forest.  They come
 upon some tracks.  The first blonde says "They're deer
 tracks."  The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."
 The third blonde says "They're moose tracks."  Then a
 train hits them.

Top
Subj:     Blonde Dyes Her Hair (S21)
          From: ipkis on 97-06-17

 Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde
 jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.  A few days
 later, as she  was out driving around the countryside, she
 stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

 Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd,
 "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
 The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"  The blonde
 thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said,
 "352."  This being the correct number, the shepherd
 was amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right!  O.K., I'll keep to
 my end of the deal.  Take your pick of my flock."

 The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally
 picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than
 any of the others.  As she got back into her car, the shepherd
 turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for
 you.  If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog
 back?"

Top
Subj:     The Blonde And The Contractor (S286c)
          From: auntiegah on 7/24/2002

 A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her
 job.  In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
 The contractor wrote this down and went to the window,
 opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"  In the second
 room she told the painter she would like it painted in a
 soft yellow.  He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window,
 opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

 The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.  In the
 third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
 color.  The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
 opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

 The lady asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

 "I'm sorry," came the reply.  "But I have a crew of blondes
 laying sod across the street."

Top
Subj:     Blonde Does Jigsaw Puzzle (S126b, S351b)
          From: thebartend on 6/29/99
      and From: Imogenelumen on 10/17/2003

 A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.

 "What's the matter?" he asks.

 "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.
 None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

 "What's the picture of?" he asks.

 "It's of a big rooster," she replies.

 "All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."

 When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads
 him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out.

 He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and
 says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
 to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling
 a rooster."  He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you
 to relax.  Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he
 sighed, "...let's put all these cornflakes back in the box."

Top
Subj:     Blonde On An Airline (S405, S608c)
          From: hellgunner50 on 10/20/2004
      and From: philc on 9/2/2008

 A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy
 class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits
 down.  The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to
 see her ticket.  She tells the blonde that she paid for the
 economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

 The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going
 to Houston and I'm staying right here."

 The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the
 pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting
 in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back
 to her seat.  The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries
 to explain that because she only paid for economy, she will
 have to leave and return to her seat.

 The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going
 to Houston and I'm staying right here."

 The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have
 the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde
 woman who won't listen to reason.  The pilot says, "You
 say she is a blonde?  I'll handle this.  I'm married to
 a blonde.  I speak blonde.

 The pilot goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear.
 The blonde says, "Oh, I'm sorry."  She gets up and goes
 back to her seat in economy.  The flight attendant and the
 co_pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to make
 her move without and fuss.

 .......

 .......
 

 "I told her that first class isn't going to Houston"!

Top
Subj:     Blonde On An Airline2 (S318b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/17/2003

 A Blonde gets an oppurtunity to fly to a  nearby country.
 She's never  been on  an airplane anywhere and  is now so
 excited and tensed. As soon as she boarded the plane, a
 BOEING 747, started jumping in excitement,  running over
 seat  to seat and shouting 'BOEING!!  BOEING!!  BOEING!!
 BOEING....'.  She  forgets  what's around, and even the
 pilot in the cock-pit could hear the  noise.

 Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE
 SILENT!'.

 There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is
 looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.  She starred at
 the Pilot in silence  for a moment  and  all of a  sudden
 started shouting, 'OEING! OEING!! OEING!! OEING!!!...'.

Top
Subj:     Blonde Stopped By Cop (S28)
          From: TheBartend on 97-08-05

 (See 'Wheel Chair Demon' in ELDERLY2)

 One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car
 for speeding.  He went up to the car and asked the driver to
 roll down her window.  The first thing he noticed, besides
 the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was!  Drop
 dead blonde, the works.

 "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see
 your drivers license...?"

 "...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly
 giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

 "It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer.

 After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to
 find it.

 "Now may I see your registration?.." asked the cop.

 "Registration?..... What's that....?" asked the blonde.

 "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop
 impatiently.

 After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

 "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back
 to his car.

 The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the
 woman's license and registration.  After a few moments, the
 dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red
 sports car?"

 "Yes...." replied the officer.

 "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.

 "Uh... yes" replied the cop.

 "Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the
 stuff back, and drop your pants..."

 "WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..."
 exclaimed the cop.

 "Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

 So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and
 registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

 The blonde looks down and sighs..."Ohh no... not ANOTHER
 breathalyzer..."

Top
Subj:     Blonde Pulled Over By Highway Patrol (S423b, S894)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 2/25/2005
      and From: DJ Billy Daniel Bunter on Facebook
 Source: Jokideo.com
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Top
Subj:     Blond Dies And Goes To Heaven

 A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.   When she got to the
 Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get
 to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

 "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd
 make it easy.

 "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

 The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

 "That's interesting...  What made you say that?" said Saint
 Peter

 Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me!  Andy talks
 with me! Andy tells me..."

Top
Subj:     Blonde Proves She Is Smart
          Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/15/94

 A blonde friend of mine was getting real tired of hearing
 blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it.  In
 order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent
 a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized
 all the capitols for all the states.

 The next time she was with a group of people, someone
 started telling a blonde joke.  "Hey", she said, "not all
 blondes are stupid and I can prove it.  Give the name of
 any state and I'll tell you it's capitol."

 "Vermont," someone called out.

 "V," she replied with a smile.

Top
Subj:     Three Pregnant Ladies Having Exams (S491)
          From: Medical Humor on 6/21/2006
 Source: (Removed from asbestos-mesothelioma.tv)

 There were three women who were at the gynecologist having
 pre-natal checkups.  The doctor asked the first woman "in
 what position was the baby conceived?"
 "He was on top ", she replied.
 "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

 The second woman was asked the same question.
 "I was on top ", was the reply.
 "You will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

 With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
 "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
 "Am I going to have puppies ?"

Top
Subj:     Three Ladies In A Bar
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

 Three young ladies walk into a bar.  One's a brunette, one's
 a red-head, and one's a blonde.

 The bartender asks the brunette, "What'll it be?"

 She answers, "I'll have an 'ML' ."

 The bartender asks, "What's an ML?"

 "Duh...Miller Lite...Don't you know anything?" she says.
 She gets her beer and steps away.

 The red-head is then asked what she wants. "I'll have a 'BL'. "

 "What in the world is a 'BL'?" asks the bartender.

 She blurts out, "Duuh...Bud Lite...Don't you know anything?"

 Feeling a little put down but not wanting to show it, the
 bartender gives her the drink and then asks the blonde,
 "Now what can I get for you?"

 The blonde answers, "I'll have a '15'."

 "Now I've heard it all," says the bartender, "What the
 heck is a 15?"

 "Duh," says the blonde. "It's seven and seven!"

Top
Subj:     Blonde Enters Swimming Contest (S116)
          From: ipkis on 97-06-11
      and From: collins2 on 4/26/99

 A blonde woman competed with a brunette and a redhead in the
 Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
 The brunette came in first and the redhead was a close second.
 Much later, the blonde finally reached shore, completely
 exhausted.  After being revived with blankets and coffee, she
 muttered "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think
 those other two girls used their arms."

Top
Subj:     Blonde In Vegas
          From: ipkis on 97-06-15

 In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a
 coin.  Out pops a coke.  The blonde looks amazed and runs
 away to get some more coins.  She returns and starts feeding
 the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping
 out the drinks.

 Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her
 antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if
 someone else could have a go.

 The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you
 see I'm winning?"

Top
Subj:     Blonde's Revenge
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-13

 A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her
 husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and
 buys a handgun.

 The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with
 a beautiful redhead.  She grabs the gun and holds it to her
 own head.

 The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her
 not to shoot herself.  Hysterically the blonde responds to
 the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

Top
Subj:     Hurt Woman At The Doctor (S141, S453)
          From: ipkis on 97-07-18
      and From: DoctorDebt on 9/18/2005

 A woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are
 you hurting?" asked the doctor.

 "You have to help me, I hurt all over," said the woman.

 "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little
 more specific."

 The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and
 yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek
 and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too!" Next she touched
 her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts!" she cried.

 The doctor then asks, "You're not really a natural brunette,
 are you?"

 "No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

 "I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

Top
Subj:     Blonde Cashier
          From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97

 Last week while I was out on the West Coast, my boss and I
 stopped by a super market in Palo Alto/Mt.  View to get
 some fruit.  I got in line with this blonde cashier, paid
 for my groceries and commented to the teenage boy bagging
 my purchases that I really look forward to California
 because the fruit is so much better than the stuff on the
 East Coast.  He smiled and nodded, and I picked up my bag
 and left.

 A few minutes later my boss, who was behind me in line,
 came out and related the following story:

 The young Mexican boy who was bagging asked "Where's the
 East Coast?"

 Replied the blonde checkout girl, with her nose in the air,
 "You know, the East coast.  Out east, by the Atlantic Ocean."

 "Oh, I see. What are some of the states?"

 The blonde, who seemed to be getting frustrated at having to
 deal with such an ignorant person, replied in a really
 condescending tone, "You know, New York, New Jersey,
 Connecticut, Long Island...."

Top
Subj:     Blonde In A Car Accident
          From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97

 A blonde call girl was being driven to a secluded spot by a
 client when his car left the road, hit a tree and she was
 flung through the windshield.

 She was rushed to the hospital with blood pouring from her
 head and face.  Once at the hospital she clamped her hands
 to her face and began to scream "I'm blind.  I'm blind.
 Fetch me a doctor quick."  A doctor was summoned and quickly
 deduced that it was the blood from her wounds which were
 blocking her vision and he tried to reassure her to this
 effect.  She, however, insisted, continuing to shout.  "I'm
 blind f'chris'sake.  I'm blind.  The doctor pried away her
 hands from her face and began to wash away the blood from
 her eyes.

 When he had removed what he considered enough, he stood back
 and said "How many fingers do I have up?"

 The call girl thought for a few seconds then a look of horror
 spread across her face. "Oh God!" she exclaimed. "I'm
 paralyzed too!"

Top
Subj:     A Blonde And A Redhead Watch The News (S220, S647b)
          From: TheBartend on 97-08-15
      and From: gattica30 on 6/3/2009

 A blond and a redhead woman went to lunch.  They had to wait
 for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink.  The
 TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a
 rooftop threatening to jump.  The redhead told the blond "I
 bet you 50 bucks he jumps."  The blond said you're on.  Sure
 enough the man jumped so the blond starts to dig out her
 money.

 The redhead felt kind of bad so she said "that's ok, I
 cheated. I saw this on the 10 o'clock news last night.  The
 blond said "Well so did I, but I didn't think he would jump
 twice in a row!!

Top
Subj:     Blonde Wants To Send Message To Her Mother (S30, S381)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #173 on 97-08-17
      and From: DoctorDebt on 5/16/2004

 A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a
 message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it
 will be $300.  She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but
 I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in
 Poland!!!"

 To that the man asks, "Anything??"

 And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"

 With that, the man says, "Follow me."  He walks into the
 next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
 She does.  He then says, "Get on your knees."  She does.
 He then says, "Take down my zipper."  She does!!  He then
 says, "Go ahead, take it out."  With that, she takes it
 out and takes hold of it with both hands.  The man then
 says, "Well, go ahead!"

 She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it
 close to her lips, she says, "Hello....mom?"

Top
Subj:     Ten Blondes Chant '51 Days' At Bar
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #229 on 97-10-22

 A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day,
 when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant
 blondes.  They come up to the bar, order five bottles of
 champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit
 down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses
 are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days,
 51 days, 51 days!"

 Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and
 the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"  Two more
 blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in
 raising the roof.  "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

 Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under
 her arm.  She walks over to the table, sets the picture in
 the middle and the table erupts.  Up jump the others, they
 begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all
 the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

 The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so
 he walks over to the table.  There in the center is a
 beautifully framed child's puzzle of  the Cookie Monster.

 When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender
 asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and
 celebration about?"

 The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone
 thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.
 So, we decided to set the record straight.  Ten of us got
 together, bought that puzzle and put it  together.  The
 side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in
 51 days!"

Top
Subj:     Blonde Moment (Drawing - S387)
          From: mrx on 6/14/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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