.
.
>>>
Subj:     Redneck2 Jokes
                 (Includes 315 jokes and articles, 11983,5,cif,wXT2a,4)

Man Does Hat Trick
from
PageWorks
Includes the following:  Smoky Mountain Alpine Coaster - Video (S983)
.........................You Might Be A Redneck If...2003 Edition (S365)
.........................RedneckPride.CA - Video (S461)
.........................You're A Redneck When...2002 Edition (S292b)
.........................11 Year Old Yodeller - Video (S508)
.........................You May Be A Redneck If...(New) (S177)
.........................Redneck Love Poem (S125b, S673b)
.........................Redneck Women - Video (S482)
.........................You Know You're Trailer Trash When... (S155)
.........................You Might Be Po' White Trash If.... (S89)
.........................Things You WON'T Hear A Redneck Say... (S61)
.........................Red Aint Dead
.........................You Just Might Be A Redneck If...
.........................You Know You're A Redneck When..
.........................You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If ...
.........................How To Tell If You Might Be A "High Tech Redneck"
.........................Redneck Computer Terms (S459b)
.........................Ten Way To Tell If Redneck Been On Computer!
.........................You Might Be A "Redneck" If . . . . .
.........................Stuck on YOU! (S618c)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Smoky Mountain Alpine Coaster (S983d)
          Made by Visit Pigeon Forge Tennessee
          From: Michael Lagrimas on Facebook on 11/7/2015
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/UbrXzBhg96Y
.
............
.
.........Click 'HERE' to see this cute, redneck coaster.
.
.
Top
Subj:     You Might Be A Redneck If...2003 Edition (S365)
          From: howie-tt on 12/30/2003

 Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
 Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
 You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
 You have a relative living in your garage.
 Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
 There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
 You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
 None of the tires on your van are the same size.
 You hold the hood of your car with your head
    while you work on it.
 Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
 Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
 Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
 Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
 You've slow danced in the Waffle House.
 Starting your car involves popping the hood.
 Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
 You whistle at women in church.
 You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
 You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
 You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car
    so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
 You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.

Top
Subj:     RedneckPride.CA (S461d)
          From: Fugly.com on 11/21/2005
 Source: http://www.fugly.com/media/
.........view.php?cat=MOVIES&id=3436

 Rednecks take molotov coctails, throw them in the air,
 and break them with shotgun blasts and bats. It's theme
 is "If yer gonna to be dumb, you gotta be tough".  I
 love it, and especially the music. But doing this in a
 forest is beyond my dumb level.  You can view it by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     You're A Redneck When...2002 Edition (S292b)
          From: Grampsboyd on 9/6/2002

 You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

 You can entertain yourself for more than an hour
 with a flyswatter.

 Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

 Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

 You burn your yard rather than mow it.

 You think the Nutcracker is something you did
 off the high dive.

 The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

 Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the
 governor to spare a loved one.

 You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and
 they don't want it.

 You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

 You come back from the dump with more than you took.

 You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

 Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat

 Your grandmother has "Ammo"on her Christmas list.

 You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

 You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

 You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

 You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

 Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

 You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

 You took a fishing pole to Sea World.

 You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

 You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

 You have a rag for a gas cap.

 Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick
 during Christmas dinner.

 Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

 You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

 You can spit without opening your mouth.

 You consider your license plate personalized because
 your father made it.

 Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

 You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill
 your deer quota.

 You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
 Cool Whip on the side.

 The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

 Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

 You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.

 You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

 You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

 Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop
 always brings you home.

 A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000
 worth of improvement.

 You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

 You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

 You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

 Somebody tells you that you've got something in your
 teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

Top
Subj:     11 Year Old Yodeller (S508d)
          From: darrell94590 on 10/17/2006 (in Music-Supp)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/2i-USnaJAIo

 This video is about an eleven year old girl who sings a
 yodel on America's Got Talent.  Click 'HERE' to watch.

Top
Subj:     You May Be A Redneck If...(New) (S177)
          From: RFSlick on 6/23/00

  1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all
     say Cool Whip on the side ...
  2. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal Mart ?
  3. If your working TV sits on top of your non working TV ?
  4. If you thought the Unibomber was a wrestler ?
  5. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table?
  6. If you think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K Mart?
  7. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a
     cop always brings you home ?
  8. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000
     worth of improvements ?
  9. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher ?
 10. If you've ever asked the preacher "How they hangin'"?
 11. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty?
 12. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 MPH ?
 13. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your
     teeth and you take them out to see what it is ...........

Top
Subj:     Redneck Love Poem (S125b, S673b)
          From: KMacinty on 6/14/99

 Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue
 and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
 Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.
 Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

 You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
 You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
 Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
 Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

 You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
 I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
 On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
 well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

 Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
 what I did to deserve  such a purdy, young doe.
 like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
 to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

 Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
 You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
 Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
 you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt .

 When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
 my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
 Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
 despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

 Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
 we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
 Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
 They git it at Wal-Mart, it's more romantic that way.

 Some men git roses on that oh-so-special day
 from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.
 Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
 "Diamonds are forever," they explain all suave and couth.

 But for this man, honey, these won't do.
 Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you.
 I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
 more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

Top
Subj:     Redneck Women (S482dwmv)
          From: darrell94590 on 4/19/2006
 Source: http://jokelibrary.net/people/red/red2-women.wmv
 (See 'Why Women Stay Single' in Women-Supp)

 This video is a set of homemade videos of women doing
 silly things.  Every time I see it, I laugh so hard I
 cry.  You can view this WMV video by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     You Know You're Trailer Trash When... (S155)
          From: joi316 on 01/17/2000

  1.  The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than
      your spouse.

  2.  You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
      table in front of her kids.

  3.  You've been married three times and still have the same
      in-laws.

  4.  You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a
      different night.

  5.  Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

  6.  You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
      clean.

  7.  Anyone in your family ever died right after saying,
      "Hey watch this."

  8.  You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

  9.  Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

 10.  Your junior prom had a daycare.

 11.  You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are,
      "Gentlemen start your engines."

 12.  You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
      right off its wheels.

 13.  The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
      depending on how much gas is in it.

 14.  You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

 15.  One of your kids was born on a pool table.

 16.  You need one more hole punched in your card to get a
      freebie at the House of Tattoos.

 17.  You can't get married to your sweetheart because
      there's a law against it.

 18.  You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 20.  Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

 21.  Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Top
Subj:     You Might Be Po' White Trash If.... (S89)
          From: icohen on 98-10-16

 You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
 You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
 Your wife has ever said, "Come move this
    transmission so I can take a bath."
 You've ever given a rat trap as a gift.
 Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
 You keep a can of RAID on your dining room table.
 You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
 You ever got too drunk to fish.
 Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
 The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
 Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
 You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
 You've ever financed a tattoo.
 You've ever bought a used hat.
 You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
 You're considered an expert on worm beds.
 Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
 "Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.
 You spit chewing tobacco in house plants.
 Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
 You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.
 You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.
 Rather than drinking sacramental wine at church,
    you "bring your own."
 The Salvation Army refused your mattress.
 You go to a family reunion to meet men.

Top
Subj:     Things You WON'T Hear A Redneck Say... (S61)
          From: cohen#il on 98-03-30

 "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
 Duct tape won't fix that
 Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
 Come to think of it I'll have a Heineken's
 We don't keep firearms in this house.
 Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
 You can't feed that to the dog.
 No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
 Wrasslin's fake.
 Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
 We're vegetarians.
 Do you think my hair is too big?
 I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
 Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
 Who's Richard Petty?
 Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
 Deer heads detract from the decor.
 Spitting is such a nasty habit.
 I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
 Trim the fat off that steak.
 Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
 The tires on that truck are too big.
 I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
 I've got it all on a floppy disk.
 Unsweetened tea tastes better.
 Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
 My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
 I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
 Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
 Checkmate.
 She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
 Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
 Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
 I don't have a favorite college team.
 Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
 I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
 Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
 Elvis who?

From: humorlist-digest V1 #220 on 97-10-11
 I thought Graceland was tacky.
 Would you like hash browns instead of grits?
 Hunting? No, I've already shot my limit.  Maybe next time!

Top
Subj:     Red Aint Dead
          (150 more ways to tell if you're a Redneck)
                by Jeff Foxworthy
                author of You Might Be A Redneck If ...

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you have more pickup trucks on your front lawn
     than sprinkler heads.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your patio furnature used to be in your pickup truck.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     The family business requires a lookout.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you have to take the entire day off work to get
     your teeth cleaned.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you've ever been getting gas and another customer
     asks you to check his oil.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you consider dating second cousins as "playing the field."

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you converted your carport into a beauty shop.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your idea of a summer vacation is running through the
     sprinklers in the front yard.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     stealing road signs is a family outing.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing
     on that sheet metal!"

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you paint your car with house paint.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you can eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you're still upset about "Gunsmoke" being cancelled.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you have to honk ypur horn when pulling into your
     driveway to keep from killing chickens.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you've ever lost your wife in a poker game.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you think safe sex is when the participants are
     married to each other.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     the original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you have a tire swing in your house.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you write off a radiator as a business expense.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you've ever vacationed in a rest area.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you refer to your van as "The Love Machine."

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you think people who have electricity are uppity.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your kids have a three-day-old Kool-Aid mustache.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your new sofa was on a curb in another part
     of town yesterday.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday
     night bath to every other Saturday night.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you wash your car more often than your kids.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you see a sigh that says "Just say no to crack"
     and it reminds you to pull up your jeans.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you'r not allowed to mention the game warden's name
     in the house.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop
     for clothes.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     everyone in your family is an Elvis impersonator.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your belt buckle is bigger than your head.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you keep a pellet gun by the front door.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your car breaks down on the side of the road
     and you never go back to get it.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     our idea of a really big time is shooting rats
     at the dump.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     there are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your neighbors have ever asked to borrow a light bulb.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you shop for groceries at a gas station.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your car stereo cost more than your car.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you wet the bead and four others immediately know it.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you come back from the dump with more than you took.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you dog doubles as your diskwasher.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     the trunk of your car is tied down and you're not
     hauling anything.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     today's dinner was too slow crossing the
     highway yesterday.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year."

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your truck can pass over a 55-gallon dro\un without
     touching it.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     going to the bathroom in the middle of the night
     requires shoes and a flashlight.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you keep catfish in your aquarium.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride
     in the back.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     your mother doesn't put on shoes to go grocery shopping.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you walk into a restaurant with a toothpick
     in your mouth.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you can't schedule a family reunion until after
     the parole board meets.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you have more than ten ceramic statues in your
     front yard.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     girls night out is held at the laundromat.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     there is a ham hanging from the front porch.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you can smoke a cigarette to the end without knochng
     off the ash.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you give away more puppies than the Humane Society.

 You just might be a redneck if...
     you can't visit relatives without getting mud
     on your tires.

Top
Subj:     You Just Might Be A Redneck If...

 For you, "taking a dip" has absolutely nothing to do
    with water.
 You ever played solitaire...  for cash.
 There's more than 20 pending lawsuits against your dog.
 The plastic flamingoes in your yard weren't put there
    as a joke.
 The most often heard phrase in your house is,
    "Will somebody please go jiggle the handle."
 Stealing signs is a family hobby.
 You constantly refer to the third grade as "my senior year."
 You have to curl the sides of your hat
    so your wife can ride in the truck with you.
 You have to take off an entire day to get
    your teeth cleaned.
 You think that "toilet water" is actually toilet water.
 You think safe sex means doing it with your spouse.

Top
Subj:     You Know You're A Redneck When..
          From: pbluna

  1. Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you
     reach in your back pocket.
  2. You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
  3. You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out
     of your truck.
  4. You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get
     the lights and radio to work.
  5. The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
  6. The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt
     when you get out.
  7. You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and
     mother-in-law.
  8. Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
  9. Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".
 10. You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
 11. You have barnyard animals living in your house.
 12. Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring
     worn in one of the rear pockets.
 13. Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun
     control is a steady hand."
 14. Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck
     under the front of the pickup seat.
 15. You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back
     door only for use on possums.
 16. You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
 17. You don't use a garbage service because it must be
     placed up near the mail box and you can't see far
     enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs
     when they get into it.
 18. You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill
     up the pickup.
 19. You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your
     house....not including 22 caliber.
 20. You have guns in your house that you cannot find.
 21. You think a night of fine dining is going to the
     Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department
     is raising your truck another 8 inches.
 22. You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
 23. You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart
     Sporting Goods.
 24. You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
 25. Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.
 26. It doesn't bother you when you walk through
     a barn barefooted.
 27. You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.
 28. You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.
 29. Your dog is your alarm clock.
 30. Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag
     your second buck.
 31. You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.
 32. You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazzard"
     episodes.
 33. You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make
     when crossing the creek.
 34. It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show
     off a full set of teeth.
 35. You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an
     hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and
     shoes law.
 36. You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.
 37. You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.
 38. You've ever shoplifted Spam.
 39. You don't understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get
     it on with Daisy.
 40. Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology
     class so that your family won't go hungry.
 41. You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.
 42. Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
 43. You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.
 44. You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they
     all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
 45. You have to call the police more than once a week to
     remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.
 46. Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.
 47. You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck
     rather than paying for a motel room.
 48. None of your zippers have all their teeth either.
 49. You are driving the car you were conceived in.
 50. You've ever used scissors on food.
 51. You've ever re-used a paper plate.
 52. Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an
     invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.
 53. When you hear someone talking about the king you don't
     know whether they're talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.
 54. You complain about the ban on assault weapons because it
     make half your guns illegal.
 55. You use a pig for a garbage disposal.
 56. You can't go to church this year because your Sunday
     socks are being used as the truck's gas cap.
 57. You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
 58. You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.
 59. Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
 60. You have the policeman hold your beer while you
     get your license.
 61. You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and
     an NRA application for his birthday.
 62. You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing
     yourself all month.
 63. A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes
     it look neater.
 64. You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
 65. You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker
     in your wallet.

Top
Subj:     You Might Be A Redneck Jedi if ...
          From: ipkis on 97-06-05

 Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
 You have used your light saber to open a bottle
    of Boone's Farm Strawberry hill.
 You think the best use of your light saber is picking
    your teeth.
 At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
 There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
 You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
 You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
 You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
 You think that Stormtroopers are just
    KKK members with really good sheets.
 A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
 Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
 You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
 You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because
    you had to spit.
 The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the
    dadgum skeeters.
 Wookies are offended by your B.O.
 You have ever used the Force to get yourself
    another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
 You have ever used the Force in conjunction with
    fishing/bowling.
 You have ever used a light saber to clean fish
    or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
 Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot,
    son come on over t' the dark Side ... It'll be a hoot."
 You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense
    electro-shock thingy to get the barbeque grill to light.
 All those mutants in the bar at Mos Eisley are your relatives.
 You are related to most of them in more than one way.
 Your favorite leisure-time activity is 'droid-tipping.
 Your pal Yoda has a still out back.
 When Darth Vader informs you of his diabolical plan to
    destroy your planet, your response is, "Well, kiss my grits."
 You have two or three nonfunctional 'droids sitting on your
    front porch.
 You live in a converted Jawa crawler up on blocks.
 You figure Grand Moff Tarkin'll look the other way
    as long as he gets his cut.
 You and your buddies like to tool around at night
    looking for Sandpeople to beat up.
 You think Princess Leia's hairstyles are conservative.
 Luke's call-sign is Red Five; Biggs' call-sign is Red Three;
    your call-sign is Red Man.
 Since you can't open the window, your X-wing has a spittoon.
 Your landspeeder has chromed headers.
 The Millenium Falcon looks like just the ticket
    for smuggling that 'shine into Andromeda galaxy.
 The master's wisdom is, "Do. Or do not. But don't git caught."
 You've spent a lot of time in Empire prison cells,
    but mostly for being drunk and disorderly.
 So what if Princess Leia *is* your sister?

Top
Subj:     How To Tell If You Might Be A "High Tech Redneck"
          From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS on 5/22/1997

 If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"

 If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"

 If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer
    is a laptop"

 If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by
    Smith and Wesson"

 If you've ever doubled the value of your truck
    by installing a cellular phone.

 If your baseball cap read "DEC" instead of "CAT"

 If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined

 If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go",
    and you still don't miss her

 If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on

 If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy"

 If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck

Top
Subj:     Redneck Computer Terms (S459b)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #12 on 98-01-13

 (See 'Technology for Country Folk' in Drawings-Computers2)

 BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
 BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
 BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
 BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
 CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
 CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
 TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
 CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
 DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
 DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
 FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
 HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
 HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
 INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
 KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
 MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
 MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
 MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
 MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
 NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
 ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
 ROM - Where the pope lives
 SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
 SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
 SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
 SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear

Top
Subj:     Ten Way To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer!
          From: collins2 on 4/6/99

 10. The monitor is up on blocks.
  9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
  8. The six front keys have rotted out.
  7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
  6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
  5. The password is "BUBBA".
  4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
  3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM Drive.
  2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
  And the number one way to tell is a Redneck has been working
     on a computer is ........
  "The mouse is reffered to as a CRITTER."

Top
Subj:     You Might Be A "Redneck" If . . . . .
          From: RFSlick on 97-11-22

(Just the ones I related to)

 ...You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
 ...There's at least five McDonald's bags on your floorboard.
 ...Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
 ...You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
 ...You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
 ...None of your shirts cover your stomach.
 ...the only condiment on the table is the economy size
       bottle of ketchup.
 ...The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as
       the front ones.
 ...Your father encourages you to quit school
       because Larry has an opening on the lube rack
 ...You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
 ...You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer
       can in the car.
 ...You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window
       of your car.
 ...You have a very special baseball cap, just for
       formal occasions.
 ...Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
 ...Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this
       afore I flush it."
 ...Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
 ...You've never paid for a haircut.
 ...You own at least 20 baseball hats.
 ...You have spent more on your pickup truck than
       on your education.
 ...You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer

Top
Subj:     Stuck on YOU! (S618c,d)
          Song by Ray Stevens
          From: rfslick on 11/13/2008
 Source: (Removed from home.comcast.net)

 You can hear this cute song with pictures by clicking 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.
............................From Smiley Faces
.
.
.