Subj:     Yo Mama Jokes
                 (Includes 291 jokes and articles, 09912,3,cf,md4w,2)

Kangaroo Mother from

 Now before you read the jokes understand this - these jokes
 are in no way aimed at you, the reader.  If you're easily
 offended don't read any further.  So any similarity between
 these jokes & your mother is purely coincidental.  Honestly.
 Without a doubt. Postively. None at all. Really.

Includes the following:  Yo' Mama So Fat Jokes! Volume 1 - Video (S911)
.........................Yo' Mama's so fat.....  (S582b)
.........................Yo' Mama's so stoopid.....
.........................Yo' Mama Jokes! Best Of Volume 2 - Video (S912)
.........................Yo' Mama's so ugly....  (S668b)
.........................Yo' Mama's so old.....  (S629c)
.........................Yo' Mama's so wrinkled.....
.........................Yo' Mama's so short.....
.........................Yo' Mama's so nasty.....
.........................Yo' Mama's so hairy.....
.........................Yo' Mama's so poor.....
.........................Yo' Mama's so bald.....
.........................Yo' Mama's so horny.....
.........................Yo' Mama's SO SLUTTY.....
.........................Yo' Mama's glasses are so thick.....
.........................Yo' Mama's house is so.....
.........................Yo' Mama's pussy is so.....
.........................Yo' Mama's like.....
.........................Other Yo Mama.....

Subj:     Yo' Mama So Fat Jokes! Volume 1 (S911d)
          Created by BEST YO MAMA JOKES
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4exDnnsy8jQ

 This four minute video is Volume 1 of a compilation of the
 'Best Of' the 'Yomama's So Fat' jokes.  Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see these silly, cute,
 cornball jokes.

 Click on BEST YO MAMA JOKES to see many more video jokes.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO FAT.....  (S582b)

   she been declared a natural habitat for condors.
   She broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
   she can kick start a 747.
   She can't even jump to a conclusion.
   she can't see her breasts.
   She could sell shade.
   she doesn't sit she spreads.
   she eats her cereal out of a satelite dish.
   she fell in love and she broke it
   she fell out of a tree and went straight to hell.
   she fell over, broke her leg and gravy poured out.
   she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo,
      and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
   she gets her dresses made by Barnum and Bailey.
   she got a ticket for walking the wrong way down
      a one way street.
   she got more chins than a Chinese telephone directory.
   She got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
   she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
   she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
   she had to go to Sea World to get baptised.
   she has her own asteroid belt.
   She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
   She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
   she has to wear a "Wide Load" sign on her ass to walk
      down the street.
   she is on both sides of the family.
   she jumps up in the air and gets stuck.
   she lay on the beach and people run around yelling
      "Free Willy!".
   she lives in two time zones - supper time and dinner time.
   she looked up 'thin' in the dictionary and
      it said 'not you.'
   she needs to use a boomerang to scratch her fat ass.
   she wakes up on BOTH sides of the bed!
   she went swimming and got harpooned.
   she pay taxes in three countries.
   She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
   she puts on her lipstick with a paint roller.
   she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
   she rolled over 4 quarters and made a dollar.
   she sat down on a quarter & squeezed a booger out
      George Washington's nose
   she sets off car alarms when she runs.
   she stepped on the scales and it said "One at a time please."
   she stepped on the scales and it said "To be continued."
   she stepped on the scales and it said "We don't do livestock."
   she tie a refrigerator round her waist and uses it
      as a bleeper.
   she thought gravy was a beverage.
   she uses a mattress as a tampon.
   she wakes up in sections.
   she was born on the 4th, 5th and 6th of March.
   She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
   she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for
      their new world.
   she was kidnapped by a cannibal tribe, they all died
      of cholesterol.....
   she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
   she was stopped by police dogs at the airport
      for having 300lbs of crack under her dress.
   she wears two watches, one for each time zone.
   she went on a date in high heels and came back
      wearing sandals.
   she went the movies and sat by everyone.

   when her beeper goes off, people think she is backing up!
   when I was on top of her I rolled over three times
      and I was still on top of the bitch.
   when I yelled "hey fat bitch" and she turned around!
   when she bungee jumps she brings the bridge down too.
   When she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
   when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
   when she fell in love she broke it.
   When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
   when she goes jogging it registers 6.7
      on the Richter scale.
   when she goes sunbathing on the beach GreenPeace
      try to push her back in.
   when she goes swimming the tide comes in.
   when she goes to a restaurant and looks at the menu,
      she says "Okay!".
   When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu,
      she gets an estimate.
   when she goes to an 'all you can eat', they have to
      install speed bumps.
   when she goes to an amusement park people try to ride her.
   when she goes to the zoo, elephants throw peanuts at her.
   when she has sex she has to give directions.
   when she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
   when she last went to church, nobody would leave
      until she sang.
   when she moons NASA tries to land on her.
   When she ran away, they had to use all four sides
      of the milk carton.

From: drribeiro on 5/22/2003 (S330b)
   when she sinks down into the bathtub
      the water in the toilet bowl rises..
   when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
   when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
   when she stands in the left turn lane it shows
      her a green arrow.
   when she tripped over in 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
   when she walks backwards she bleeps.
   when she was born she gave the hospital stretch marks.
   When she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease
      the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
   when she wears a yellow coat people shout "Taxi!".
   when she wears a yellow shirt people wear sunglasses.
   when you get on top of her your ears pop.

   before he could fuck her yo' daddy had to roll her in flower,
      and slap the piss out of her, to see which wrinkle got wet.
   even a photo of her weighs fifteen pounds.
   everytime she wears high heels she strikes oil.
   her blood type is Ragu.
   her BVD underware stretches out to spell Boulavard.
   her crabs go bungee jumping off her tampon string.
   her driver's license says -picture continued on other side.
   her high school picture was an aerial photograph.
   her last boyfriend past away, his last words were "Sit
   on my face, baby."
   her measurements are 36-24-36, and her other arm is
      just as big
   her nickname is "Damn!".
   her nickname is the Badyear Blimp.
   Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
   I kept trying to leave her, but I couldn't escape her
      gravitational pull.
   if she got your shoes shined, she'd have to take his
      word for it!
   if she was two feet taller she'd be spherical.
   if you slap her thigh you can ride the wave in.
   in school when she stood up and turned around,
      she would erase all the black-boards in the room.
   it took God one day to create the earth and five days
      to create yo mama!
   kids jog round her for exercise.
   last time she went skydiving there was an eclipse.
   last time she wore a Malcolm X jacket a helicopter
      landed on her.
   NASA's got a satellite orbiting her.
   People jog around her for exercise.
   The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
   the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
   the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts.
   the only pictures you got of her are taken by satellite.
   the other day she was standing at a corner
      and the cops came over and said "Hey! Break it up!".
   to fuck her you have to roll her around in flour & look
      for the wet spot.
   you have to grease the doorframe and hold a twinkie on
      the other side just to get her through.
   we in her right now.
   we went to the drive-in and got in for free,
      cause we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

From: UComics.com on February 4, 2004
      At: http://www.ucomics.com/boondocks/index.phtml

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO STOOPID,.....

   I saw her in the frozen food section w/a fishing rod.
   I seen her putting make-up on her head so I says
      "What you doin?" she says "Makin up my mind."
   it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
   it took her 2 hours to watch 'Sixty Minutes'.
   she asked her boss how to spell UPS.
   she called information to get the number to 911.
   she chases bones and buries cars.
   she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
   she couldn't find eleven when trying to dial 911.
   she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing
      away all the W's.
   she got hit by a cup and said she got mugged.
   she got hit by a parked car
   she got locked in a supermarket and starved to death.
   she got stabbed at a shoot-out.
   she jumped out the window and went up.
   she rings Dan Quayle for spelling tips.
   she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
   she sold her car for gas money.
   she spent 4 weeks waiting at the cinema to see
      'Closed for Winter'.
   she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
   she thinks manual labor is a Mexican!
   she thinks socialism means partying!
   she thought a beaver dam was a type of tampon.
   she thought a protractor was a new type
      of farming machinery.
   she thought Fleetwood Mac was a new hamburger at MacDonalds.
   she thought menopause was a button on her tape deck.
   she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican telephone company.
   she told everyone she was illegitimate because
      she couldn't read.
   she took a cup to see Juice.
   she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
   she took a spoon to the Superbowl.
   she took an IQ test and failed.
   she tripped over the cordless phone.
   she watches the 'Three Stooges' and takes notes.
   she went to catch the 44 bus, but caught
      the 22 twice instead.
   she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
   she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
   that when she went to pick you up from the airport,
      she came across a sign saying 'Airport left'
      so she went home.
   the bitch bought a glass door with a peep-hole.
   when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted)
      she went and got 16 of her friends.
   when you stand next to her you can hear the ocean.
   when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
      outside with a spoon.
   when she was filling in a form, where it said
      "sign here" she put "Sagittarius".

Subj:     Yo' Mama Jokes! Best Of Volume 2 (S912d)
          Created by BEST YO MAMA JOKES
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/LCSitYWBjfQ

 This five minute video is Volume 2 of a compilation of the
 'Best Of' the 'Yomama's So' jokes.  Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see these silly, cute,
 cornball jokes.
Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO UGLY,..... (S668b)

   during Halloween she trick or treats on the phone.
   her face is closed on weekends!
   her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
   her mom tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs
      to play with her.
   instead of putting the bungee cord round her ankles
      they tie it round her neck.
   people go as her for Halloween.
   she dated Jabba the Hut and he was the looker.
   she entered a dog show and won.
   she gets 364 extra days to try out for Halloween.
   she has to get her vibrator drunk first.
   she's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run
      for the border.
   she'd make a train take a dirt road!
   she made an onion cry.
   that as a little kid playing in the sandbox cats
      used to bury her.
   that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
   the tide wouldn't even take her out.
   they didn't give her a costume when she tried out
      for Star Wars.
   they filmed 'Gorillas in the Mist' in her shower.
   they know what time she were born, because her face
      stopped the clock!
   they moved Halloween to her birthday.
   they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
   they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
   that when I took her to the zoo
      the man at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back".
   when she entered an ugly contest they said "Sorry,
      no professionals."
   when she looked out the window got arrested for mooning.
   when she goes to a haunted house she comes out with
      a job application.
   when she walks down the street in September, people say
      "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
   when she walks into the bank they turn the security
      cameras off.
   when she was a baby, her parents had a little yellow sign
      in their car window that read: THING ON BOARD.
   when she was born, her momma saw the afterbirth and
      said "Twins!".
   when she was born her mother said "Oh, what a treasure."
      and her father said "Yeah, lets go bury it."
   when she was born the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
   when she was born the Doctor looked at her ass
      and her face and said: "My God, Siamese twins!".
   when she was born the doctor slapped her mother.
   when she was born they had to put her in a corner
      and feed her with a slingshot.
   when she was born they had to tint the windows
      on the incubator.
   when she went to the beautician it took 11 hours
      to get a quote.
   when she sunbathes on the beach people try to push
      her back in.
   your dad takes her to work with him
      so she doesn't have to kiss him goodbye.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO OLD,..... (S629c)

   she dreams in black and white.
   gets boyfriends by carbon dating.
   her birth certificate says 'expired' on it.
   her social security number is 1.
   I asked her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead.
   last time she saw 40 was 1840.
   she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
   she owes Jesus a nickel.
   she went to school in a chariot.
   the key on Ben Franklin's kite was the key to her apartment
   when God said "Let there be light." She hit the switch.
   when she was in school there was no History class.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO WRINKLED,.....

   she has to screw her drawers on.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO SHORT,.....

   her feet don't reach the floor.
   she needs a ladder to pick up a dime.
   she poses for trophies.
   she can play handball on the curb.
   she got to cuff her underwear.
   you can see her feet on her drivers license.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO NASTY.....

   she had to cut the string off her tampon because
      the crabs kept bungee jumping.
   she has to creep up on bathwater.
   she made right guard turn left and Sure fail.
   when I called her for phone sex she gave me
      an ear infection.
   when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist
      to cut her hair and she  opened up her shirt
   when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist
      to cut _her_ hair.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO HAIRY.....

   I seen the yeti taking pictures of her.
   she got afros on her nipples.
   she hasn't got a bikini line she got a bikini book.
   she told the stylist to her hair and he opened
      up her shirt.

 Your mama's armpits are so hairy it looks like
    she had Buckwheat in a headlock.
 You mama's legs so hairy, if you gave her a fur coat
    and a banana, they'd put her back in the zoo.

 "Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don
    King in a headlock."  -- Laura Bush at White House
    Correspondents annual dinner on April 31,2005.  Which
    is solid proof that politics and humor don't mix. (S432b)

Subj:    Yo' Mama's SO POOR.....

   I seen her kicking a can down the street
      so I says "What you doin?" she says "Movin."
   she can't afford to pay attention.
   she can't even afford the or.
   she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
   she wipes with both sides of the toilet paper.
   your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO BALD.....

   you can see whats on her mind.
   she took a shower and got brainwashed.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO HORNY.....

   I could'a been your daddy, but the dog beat me over
      the fence.
   I could've been your dad but the guy in line behind me
      had the right change.
   she heard Santa say "Ho Ho Ho" she thought
      she was getting called three times.
   when asked on an application "SEX?" she answered "Monday,
      Wednesday, Thursday, and sometimes Saturday too."

Subj:     Yo' Mama's SO SLUTTY.....

   the only difference between your mom and a 747 is
      that not everyone has ridden on a 747.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's GLASSES ARE SO THICK.....

   when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
   she can see into the future.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's HOUSE IS SO .....

   cheap I rung the doorbell and she stuck her head out
      the window and said "Ding Dong!".
   dirty the roaches ride dune buggies.
   dirty she has to wipe her feet before going outside.
   small the roaches got hunchback.
   small when she orders a large pizza she has to go outside
      to eat it.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's PUSSY IS SO.....

   big we in it now.
   deep Jacques Costeau still aint hit bottom.
   dry her crabs ride camels.
   wet her crabs wear Scuba gear.

Subj:     Yo' Mama's LIKE.....

   a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
   a bowling bowl, she's picked up, fingered,
      thrown in the gutter and always comes back for more.
   a doorknob, everybody gets a turn.
   a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
   a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
   a railroad track: She gets laid all over the country.
   a refrigerator, everyone puts her meat in her.
   a shotgun... give her a cock and she blows
   a TV, even a two year old can turn her on.
   a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, she blows, and she gets laid
      in the corner.
   an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick
   Denny's... open 24 hours
   McDonalds... Billions and Billions served
   mustard, she spreads easy.
   the Bermuda Triangle, little kids get lost when they try
      to go round her.

Subj: Other Yo Mama.....

 Yo' mama's breasts are so square the milk comes
    out in cartons.
 Yo' mama's breath is so bad when she breathes
    her teeth duck.
 Yo' mama's feet are so big she has to wear license plates
    on her shoes.
 Yo' mama's mouth is so big she speaks in surround sound.
 Yo' mama's teeth are so yellow when she smiles cars slow down.

 Yo' mama aint so bad, she give you the hair off her back.
 Yo' mama got one toe and one knee, and people call her Toni.
 Yo' mama had you out her ass cause her pussy was too busy.
 Yo' mama puts on knee pads and yells "Curb service."
 Yo' mama so dark she went to night school and
    was marked absent.
 Yo' mama so greasy Texaco buy oil from her.
 Yo' mama so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.
 Yo' mama so stinky even the dogs won't sniff her crotch.
 Yo' mama took ten tries to get her drivers license,
    she couldn't get used to the front seat.

 Your house is so nasty, even the cockroaches wear slippers.

 If bricks were ugly yo' mama would be a housing project.

 Mike: Heard yo mama was busted for drugs!
 Melvin: Was not!
 Mike: Oh yeah! The police told her to bend over for a
    search and they found two hundred pounds of crack!!!
    Submitted by: Jenny Ringer

Subj:     Contributors.

 Graeme Finlayson. - United Kingdom.
 Jake Smith. - United Kingdom.
 Yona Mankin. - United Kingdom.
 Chandler Gegg. - United States.
 Alan Valdez. - Belize.
 Istvan Csiszar. - Finland.
 Jobe Maker. - United States / Finland.
 'White Men Can't Jump'.
 'The Last Boy Scout'.
 Ted Liu. - United States.
 Tony Simmons. - Australia
 Kelly's Bar Jokes
 AJSwitzer - United States

...........................From Smiley_Central