Subj: Brother Jokes
(Includes 13 jokes and articles, 17683n,1)
Baby Brothers from
PageWorks
| >>>
Subj: Brother Jokes (Includes 13 jokes and articles, 17683n,1) |
|
Baby Brothers from PageWorks |
Also see BLACK1 file - 'Woman
Has Ten Sons Named LeRoy'
CARS2 file - 'Two
Guys Out for A Drive'
CHURCH file - 'Two
Bad Boys'
CONTRACTOR - 'Bricklayer's
Brother Is A Bishop'
FISHING1 file- 'Fisherman
Takes Two Sons Fishing'
......................-
'Twin
Brothers Each Have A Loss '
FUNERAL file - 'Two
Brothers Bury Dad'
IRISH1 file - 'Two
Irish Meet In A Bar'
HELL file - 'Twin
Brothers Die'
KIDS4 file - 'Woman
Gives Up Twins'
LAWYERS1 file- 'Two
Brothers, One A Lawyer'
OTHER OCCUP - 'The
Wal-Mart Greeter'
RELIGION2 - 'Three
Agnostic Brothers'
==============================================================Top
(S639c)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 4/6/2009 |
 |
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Trying
To Drown Your Younger Brother (S624c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/26/2008
After a hardy rainstorm filled
all the potholes in the
streets and alleys, a young
mother watched her two little
boys playing in the puddles
through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five
year old lad, grabbed his
sibling by the back of his head
and shoved his face into
one of the water holes.
As the boy recovered and stood
laughing and dripping,
the mother was running towards
them in a panic.
'Why on earth did you do that
to your little brother?!'
she says as she shook the older
boy's shoulders in anger
combined with relief.
'We were just playing 'church'
mommy,' he said. 'And I
was just baptizing him.....'in
the name of the Father,
the Son and in the Hole-he-goes.'
'
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Naming
Twin Sisters (S559b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/23/2007
A fellow and his wife living
in Houston, Texas, where the
people are all patriots, were
blessed with the birth of
twins, two identical girls.
These twins were born on the
4th of July, and the father,
being patriotic, said to his
wife, "We will name them Liberty
and Justice, after the
pledge of alligence".
His wife said, "Are you nuts?
You can't have girls going
through life with names like
Liberty and Justice. We are
going to name them regular girl's
names like Mary or Jane".
Well, the argument went on for
about a month, when a
compromise was reached. They
would each name one of the
girls. The man chose Liberty
and the wife picked Elizabeth.
As the girls grew, they were
so identical, they kept pulling
tricks on people who couldn't
tell them apart.
Finally, when they were about
18, a young man took interest
in them. He would take
one out on a date but he was never
sure which one he was with.
He decided he would marry at
least one of them, but he wasn't
sure which one he would marry.
He went to the girls father and
explained his quandary. "I
love your daughters and want
to marry one of them, but I
can't tell them apart, so I
will leave it up to you...
Give me Liberty or give me Beth."
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Two
Brothers And The Army Recruiter (S407b)
From: DafterLafter on 11/4/2004
The chief of staff of the US
Army decided that he
would personally intervene in
the recruiting crisis
affecting all of our armed services.
He directed a
nearby base to be opened and
that all eligible young
men and women be invited. As
he and his staff were
standing near a brand new M-1
Battle Tank, a pair of
twin, well built, neatly kept
brothers who looked like
they had just stepped off an
Army Corps recruiting
poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up
to them, stuck out his
hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first
young man and asked, "Son, what
skills can you bring
to the best Army in the world?"
The young man looks at him and
says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited,
turns to his aide and says,
"Get him in today, all the paper
work done, everything,
do it!"
The aide hustles the young man
off. The general looks
at the second young man and
asked, "What skills to
you bring to this man's Army?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we
don't need wood
choppers in the Army, what do
you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general,
"you are not listening
to me, we don't need wood choppers,
this is the 21st
century and our battles are
fought with our minds as
much as with our bodies!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes
and says, "Well, I have
to 'chop it' before he can 'pile
it'!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Two
Old-Maid Sisters Are Virgins (S403b)
From: Anonymous Junior on 10/02/04
There were 2 old-maid sisters...
both virgins. It's Friday
night and Gladys looks at Betty
and says, "I'm not going to
die a virgin... I'm going out
and I'm not coming home 'til
I've been laid!!"
Betty says, "Well, make sure
you're home by 10 so I don't
worry about you." 10 o'clock
rolls around and there's no
sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12
o'clock... Finally about
15 after 1 the front door flys
open. In runs Gladys...
straight to the bathroom.
Betty goes and knocks on the
door, "Are you okay, Gladys??"
No answer, so she opens the
door and there sits Gladys with
her panties around her ankles,
legs spread, and her head
stuck between her legs looking
at herself.
"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.
"Betty, it was 10 inches long
when it went in... and 5 when
it came out. When I find
the other half you're gonna have
the time of your life!!!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Two
Brothers Fight (S305)
From: gheckman on 12/2/2002
Christian story. In the
'Sunday Morning Laughs' I
reprint what makes me laugh,
smile, or cry. I send
out what I enjoy.
Once upon a time two brothers
who lived on adjoining
farms fell into conflict.
It was the first serious
rift in 40 years of farming
side by side, sharing
machinery, and trading labor
and goods as needed
without a hitch.
Then the long collaboration fell
apart. It began with
a small misunderstanding and
it grew into a major
difference, and finally it exploded
into an exchange
of bitter words followed by
weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock
on John's door. He
opened it to find a man with
a carpenter's toolbox.
"I'm looking for a few days
work" he said, "Perhaps
you would have a few small jobs
here and there.
Could I help you?"
"Yes," said the older brother.
"I do have a job for
you. Look across the creek at
that farm. That's my
neighbor, in fact, it's my younger
brother. Last week
there was a meadow between us
and he took his bulldozer
to the river levee and now there
is a creek between us.
Well, he may have done this
to spite me, but I'll do
him one better. See that pile
of lumber curing by the
barn? I want you to build me
a fence - an 8-foot fence-
so I won't need to see his place
anymore. Cool him
down, anyhow."
The carpenter said, "I think
I understand the situation.
Show me the nails and the post-hole
digger and I'll be
able to do a job that pleases
you."
The older brother had to go to
town for supplies, so he
helped the carpenter get the
materials ready and then
he was off for the day. The
carpenter worked hard all
that day measuring, sawing,
nailing.
About sunset when the farmer
returned, the carpenter had
just finished his job.
The farmer's eyes opened wide,
his jaw dropped. There
was no fence there at all. It
was a bridge-a bridge stretching
from one side of the
creek to the other! A
fine piece of work handrails and
all, and the neighbor, his younger
brother, was coming
across, his hand outstretched.
"You are quite a fellow to build
this bridge after all
I've said and done." The
two brothers stood at each end
of the bridge, and then they
met in the middle, taking
each other's hand. They
turned to see the carpenter
hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.
"No, wait! Stay a few days.
I've a lot of other projects
for you," said the older
brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter
said, "but I have
many more bridges to build."
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Bunk
Bed Brothers (S181b, DU)
From: dogbyte on 6/15/2002
A guy is nearing the end of his
senior year in high
school. Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room
with his younger brother who
is only 9 years old.
One night, he decides to bring
his girlfriend home
for a little fun. They
have bunk beds and the guy
notices that his little brother
is already asleep on
the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb up
to the top bunk.
As you might expect things start
to heat up. The
guy remembers that his little
brother is sleeping
below so he tells his girlfriend
to whisper "lettuce"
if she wants it harder and "tomato"
if she wants
a new position.
"Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!! Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!" She screams.
"Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!! PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!"
Then the little brother shouts
up, "Hey, would you guys
stop making sandwiches up there!
You're getting
mayonnaise all over my face!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Two
Brothers At Christmas (S275c, DU)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/6/2001
(Also see short
joke in CHRISTMAS4)
Two ten-year-old children were
exactly opposites: Bill
was a die-hard optimist, and
Bob a hopeless pessimist.
The mom asked the psychiatrist
what to do about Christmas.
The doctor told her to buy all
the toys she could for Bob
and get Bill nothing. In fact,
he said just to wrap up
some manure for Bill to break
down his hopes even more.
Christmas morning, Mom came downstairs
and found the
twins by the tree. She asked
Bob what Santa had brought
him.
"A B.B. gun, but I'll probably
hit someone in the eye
and blind him. And a bicycle,
but I'll probably get run
over and killed while riding
it. And an electric train,
but I'll probably electrocute
myself," said Bob.
Realizing it wasn't going very
well, the mom turned to
Bill and asked what he got.
"I'm not sure!!" he replied,
"I think I got a pony, but I
haven't been able to find
him yet!!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Two
Evil Brothers (DU)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 5/14/98
There were two evil brothers.
They were rich, and used their
money to keep their ways from
the public eye. They even
attended the same church, and
looked to be perfect Christians.
Their pastor retired, and a new
one was hired. Not only could
he see right through the brothers'
deception, but he also
spoke well and true, and the
church started to swell in numbers.
A fund-raising campaign was
started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers
died. The remaining
brother sought out the new pastor
the day before the funeral
and handed him a check for the
amount needed to finish paying
for the new building. "I have
only one condition," he said.
"At his funeral, you must say
my brother was a saint." The
pastor gave his word, and deposited
the check.
The next day, at the funeral,
the pastor did not hold back.
"He was an evil man," he said.
"He cheated on his wife and
abused his family." After
going on in this vein for a small
time, he concluded with, "But
compared to his brother, he was
a saint."
\\\//
-(o o)-
============================oOO==(_)==OOo=====================Top
Subj: Two
Brothers Compete (DU)
From: Playboy February 1997
The brothers were compulsively
competitive, constantly arguing
about who was the better golfer,
businessman, lover, fisherman
- everything. One day
they argued about who was better at
folding and packing parachutes.
"Only one way to settle this,
Bill," Charlie said. "Let's
go skydiving."
Bill jumped first, pulled the
cord and began to float gently
to earth. Charlie followed,
but when he pulled his cord,
nothing happened. He yanked
his safety cord, but that didn't
work either. In a matter
of seconds, Charlie flew past Bill.
"Aha!" Bill shouted, ripping
off his harness, "you want to
race, huh?"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Brother
Bit In Crotch By Snake (DU)
Two brother go up to their log
cabin way out in the boonies
to do some hunting. As
they are walking through the woods,
one of the brothers steps on
a snake and the snakes reaches
up and bites him directly in
the crotch!
Immediately he begins to get
woozy. His brother quickly picks
him up and carries him the ten
miles back to the log cabin.
Since they are miles from any
hospital, he calls a doctor to
see if he can do anything for
his sickly brother. The doctor
asks him what kind of snake
it was. He says:"I don't know. It
was about three feet long and
was striped yellow and black."
The doctor says: "Oh, that's
a very poisonous snake. You'll
have to suck the posion out
or your brother will be dead in
half an hour."
He goes to the room where he
left his brother and his brother
asks, barely conscious :"What
did the doctor say?" And his
brother says:"You'll be dead
in half an hour."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Short
Brother Jokes
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/1/2003 (S309b)
"I grew up with six brothers.
That's how I learned to dance
- waiting to get into the bathroom."
-- Bob Hope
From: dogbyte on 2/8/2002 (S262)
Q: Why couldn't the Greek
boy run away from home?
A: He couldn't leave his
brothers behind!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley brothers from
Smiley_Central |