Subj:     Brother Jokes
                 (Includes 15 jokes and articles, 15965,3,cf,vXT2,0)

Baby Brothers from
Includes the following:  Bizarro Cartoon (S965)
.........................Trying To Drown Your Younger Brother (S624c)
.........................Naming Twin Sisters (S559b)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S639c)
.........................Two Brothers And The Army Recruiter (S407b)
.........................Two Old-Maid Sisters Are Virgins (S403b)
.........................Two Brothers Fight (S305)
.........................Twin Sisters In Newfoundland Nursing Home (S825)
.........................Bunk Bed Brothers (S181b, DU)
.........................Two Brothers At Christmas (S275c, DU)
.........................Two Evil Brothers (DU)
.........................Two Brothers Compete (DU)
.........................Brother Bit In Crotch By Snake (DU)
.........................Short Brother Jokes

Also see BLACK1 file  - 'Woman Has Ten Sons Named LeRoy'
         CARS2 file   - 'Two Guys Out for A Drive'
         CHURCH file  - 'Two Bad Boys'
         CONTRACTOR   - 'Bricklayer's Brother Is A Bishop'
         FISHING1 file- 'Fisherman Takes Two Sons Fishing'
......................- 'Twin Brothers Each Have A Loss '
         FUNERAL file - 'Two Brothers Bury Dad'
         IRISH1 file  - 'Two Irish Meet In A Bar'
         HELL file    - 'Twin Brothers Die'
         KIDS4 file   - 'Woman Gives Up Twins'
         LAWYERS1 file- 'Two Brothers, One A Lawyer'
         OTHER OCCUP  - 'The Wal-Mart Greeter'
         RELIGION2    - 'Three Agnostic Brothers'
         SEX-SUPP     - 'Screwing Twins'
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S965)
          By Dan Piraro on 7/12/2015
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/july-12-2015/
Subj:     Trying To Drown Your Younger Brother (S624c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 12/26/2008

 After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the
 streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little
 boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen  window.

 The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his
 sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into
 one of the water holes.  As the boy recovered and stood
 laughing and dripping,  the mother was running towards
 them in a panic.

 'Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!'
 she says as she shook the older boy's shoulders in anger
 combined with relief.

 'We were just playing 'church' mommy,' he said. 'And I
 was just  baptizing him.....'in the name of the Father,
 the Son and in the Hole-he-goes.' '

Subj:     Naming Twin Sisters (S559b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/23/2007

 A fellow and his wife living in Houston, Texas, where the
 people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of
 twins, two identical girls.  These twins were born on the
 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his
 wife, "We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the
 pledge of alligence".

 His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going
 through life with names like Liberty and Justice.  We are
 going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane".

 Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a
 compromise was reached. They would each name one of the
 girls. The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

 As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling
 tricks on people who couldn't tell them apart.

 Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest
 in them.  He would take one out on a date but he was never
 sure which one he was with.

 He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn't
 sure which one he would marry.

 He went to the girls father and explained his quandary.  "I
 love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I
 can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you...

 Give me Liberty or give me Beth."

     by John Graziano on 4/6/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/04/06
Subj:     Two Brothers And The Army Recruiter (S407b)
          From: DafterLafter on 11/4/2004

 The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he
 would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis
 affecting all of our armed services. He directed a
 nearby base to be opened and that all eligible young
 men and women be invited. As he and his staff were
 standing near a brand new M-1 Battle Tank, a pair of
 twin, well built, neatly kept brothers who looked like
 they had just stepped off an Army Corps recruiting
 poster walked up to them.

 The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his
 hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first
 young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring
 to the best Army in the world?"

 The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
 The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says,
 "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything,
 do it!"

 The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks
 at the second young man and asked, "What skills to
 you bring to this man's Army?"

 The young man says, "I chop wood!"

 "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood
 choppers in the Army, what do you know how to do?"

 "I chop wood!"

 "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening
 to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 21st
 century and our battles are fought with our minds as
 much as with our bodies!"

 "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

 "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

 The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Well, I have
 to 'chop it' before he can 'pile it'!"

Subj:     Two Old-Maid Sisters Are Virgins (S403b)
          From: Anonymous Junior on 10/02/04

 There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins.  It's Friday
 night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to
 die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til
 I've been laid!!"

 Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't
 worry about you."  10 o'clock rolls around and there's no
 sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock...  Finally about
 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys...
 straight to the bathroom.

 Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??"
 No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with
 her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head
 stuck between her legs looking at herself.

 "What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

 "Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when
 it came out.  When I find the other half you're gonna have
 the time of your life!!!"

Subj:     Two Brothers Fight (S305)
          From: gheckman on 12/2/2002

 Christian story.  In the 'Sunday Morning Laughs' I
 reprint what makes me laugh, smile, or cry.  I send
 out what I enjoy.

 Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining
 farms fell into conflict.  It was the first serious
 rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing
 machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed
 without a hitch.

 Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with
 a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major
 difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange
 of bitter words followed by weeks of  silence.

 One morning there was a knock on John's door.  He
 opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox.
 "I'm looking for a few days work" he said, "Perhaps
 you would have a few small jobs here and there.
 Could I help you?"

 "Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for
 you. Look across the creek at that farm.  That's my
 neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother.  Last week
 there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer
 to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.
 Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do
 him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the
 barn? I want you to build me a fence - an 8-foot fence-
 so I won't need to see his place anymore.  Cool him
 down, anyhow."

 The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation.
 Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be
 able to do a job that pleases you."

 The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he
 helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then
 he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all
 that day measuring, sawing, nailing.

 About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had
 just finished his job.  The farmer's eyes opened wide,
 his jaw dropped.  There was no fence there at all.  It
 was a bridge-a bridge stretching from one side of the
 creek to the other!  A fine piece of work handrails and
 all, and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming
 across, his hand outstretched.

 "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all
 I've said and done."  The two brothers stood at each end
 of the bridge, and then they  met in the middle, taking
 each other's hand.  They turned to see the carpenter
 hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.

 "No, wait! Stay a few days.  I've a lot of other projects
 for  you," said the older brother.

 "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have
 many more bridges to build."

Subj:     Twin sisters In Newfoundland Nursing Home (S825)
          From: tom on 10/31/2012

 Twin sisters in a Newfoundland Nursing Home were turning one
hundred years old. The editor of the local
newspaper told a photographer to get over
there and take pictures of the two 100
year old twins. One of the twins was hard
of hearing and the other could hear quite
well.. Once the photographer arrived, he
asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
Photo from The Guardian
 The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

 "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

 "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

 Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

 close to each other.

 "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little,"
 said the photographer.

 Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"


 With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH LARD JESUS! -
 BOTH OF US????"

Subj:     Bunk Bed Brothers (S181b, DU)
          From: dogbyte on 6/15/2002

 A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high
 school.  Unfortunately, he still has to share a room
 with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.

 One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home
 for a little fun.  They have bunk beds and the guy
 notices that his little brother is already asleep on
 the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up
 to the top bunk.

 As you might expect things start to heat up.  The
 guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping
 below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce"
 if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants
 a new position.

 "Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!!
 Tomato!!!"  She screams.  "Lettuce!!! Tomato!!!  Whoa!!!
 PULL IT OUT!!! PULL IT OUT NOW!!!  I can't get pregnant!"

 Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys
 stop making sandwiches up there!  You're getting
 mayonnaise all over my face!"

Subj:     Two Brothers At Christmas (S275c, DU)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/6/2001

 (Also see short joke in CHRISTMAS4)

 Two ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill
 was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist.

 The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas.
 The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob
 and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up
 some manure for Bill to break down his hopes even more.

 Christmas morning, Mom came downstairs and found the
 twins by the tree. She asked Bob what Santa had brought

 "A B.B. gun, but I'll probably hit someone in the eye
 and blind him. And a bicycle, but I'll probably get run
 over and killed while riding it. And an electric train,
 but I'll probably electrocute myself," said Bob.

 Realizing it wasn't going very well, the mom turned to
 Bill and asked what he got. "I'm not sure!!" he replied,
 "I think I got a pony, but I haven't been able to find
 him yet!!"

Subj:     Two Evil Brothers (DU)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 5/14/98

 There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their
 money to keep their ways from the public eye.  They even
 attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

 Their pastor retired, and a new one was hired.  Not only could
 he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also
 spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.
 A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

 All of a sudden, one of the brothers died.  The remaining
 brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral
 and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying
 for the new building. "I have only one condition," he said.
 "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint."  The
 pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.

 The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back.
 "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and
 abused his family."  After going on in this vein for a small
 time, he concluded with, "But compared to his brother, he was
 a saint."

Subj:     Two Brothers Compete (DU)
          From: Playboy February 1997

 The brothers were compulsively competitive, constantly arguing
 about who was the better golfer, businessman, lover, fisherman
 - everything.  One day they argued about who was better at
 folding and packing parachutes.  "Only one way to settle this,
 Bill," Charlie said.  "Let's go skydiving."

 Bill jumped first, pulled the cord and began to float gently
 to earth.  Charlie followed, but when he pulled his cord,
 nothing happened.  He yanked his safety cord, but that didn't
 work either.  In a matter of seconds, Charlie flew past Bill.

 "Aha!" Bill shouted, ripping off his harness, "you want to
 race, huh?"

Subj:     Brother Bit In Crotch By Snake (DU)

 Two brother go up to their log cabin way out in the boonies
 to do some hunting.  As they are walking through the woods,
 one of the brothers steps on a snake and the snakes reaches
 up and bites him directly in the crotch!

 Immediately he begins to get woozy.  His brother quickly picks
 him up and carries him the ten miles back to the log cabin.
 Since they are miles from any hospital, he calls a doctor to
 see if he can do anything for his sickly brother.  The doctor
 asks him what kind of snake it was. He says:"I don't know.  It
 was about three feet long and was striped yellow and black."

 The doctor says: "Oh, that's a very poisonous snake.  You'll
 have to suck the posion out or your brother will be dead in
 half an hour."

 He goes to the room where he left his brother and his brother
 asks, barely conscious :"What did the doctor say?"  And his
 brother says:"You'll be dead in half an hour."

Subj:     Short Brother Jokes

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/1/2003 (S309b)
 "I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance
 - waiting to get into the bathroom."  -- Bob Hope

From: dogbyte on 2/8/2002 (S262)
 Q:  Why couldn't the Greek boy run away from home?
 A:  He couldn't leave his brothers behind!

                           -(o o)-
............................Smiley brothers from Smiley_Central.