.
.
Subj:    Elderly1 Jokes, 'old couples'
               (Includes 23 jokes and articles, 13 1035n,9,cf,vYT2a,4)

         Click "Here" for Elderly1-Supp
 


Elderly Staring from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Pickles Comic Strip (S669 in Supp)
.........................Boo - 2012 Tropfest Finalist - Video (S880 in Supp)
.........................Elderly Couple At Gas Station (S251 in Supp)
.........................Lays Potato Chip Commercial - Video (S608 in Supp)
.........................How To Handle A Husband (S563 in Supp)
.........................The Wishing Well - Video (S605b in Supp)
.........................Couples 50th Anniversary (in Supp)
.........................Baby Boomers Gone Wild - Video (S577b in Supp)
.........................50th Anniversary w/Cheap, Late Kids (S322 in Supp)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip II (S679 in Supp)
.........................Rancher's 50th Anniversary (S291b in Supp)
.........................Ballard Street Cartoon (S631b)
.........................Hillbilly's 60 Anniversary (S320b in Supp)
.........................Senior Prenuptial Agreement (S605 in Supp)
.........................75th Wedding Anniversery (in Supp)
........................."Close Your Eyes" (S592 in Supp)
.........................Wife Stays With Husband Through Bad Times (in Supp)
.........................Flight Deck (S670 in Supp)
.........................Ma And Pa Weber (in Supp)
.........................Herman Cartoon (S671 in Supp)
.........................83 Year Old Lady Has Physical (S308 in Supp)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip III (S714 in Supp)
.........................Elderly Couple Has Sex In Front Of Doctor (S99 in Supp)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip IV (S719 in Supp)
.........................Florida Couple Goes Out For Dinner (S304 in Supp)
.........................Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S737 in Supp)
.........................Elderly Couple Wants A Divorce (S296 in Supp)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip V (S725 in Supp)
.........................Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married (S276, S826 - Supp)
.........................Drawing And Quote From Richard Bach (S797 in Supp)
.........................Very Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married (S292 in Supp)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip VI (S742 in Supp)
.........................Three Pickles Comic Strips VII (S850 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Suicide Note - Cartoon (S954)
.........................Elderly Couple Share A Meal (S120, S815)
.........................Our Sexual Relations - Picture (S472c)
.........................Sam Buys A Pair Of Boots (S119)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip III (S963)
.........................Elderly Couple Having Problems Remembering (S126b)
.........................3 Pickles Comic Strips (S678)
.........................Highway Patrol Pulls Over Elderly Woman (S102)
.........................Highway Patrol Pulls Over Five Elderly Women (S373)
.........................The Three Rules Of Old Age - Cartoon (S411b)
.........................Elderly Couple In The Park
.........................Elderly Couple Wants Baby
.........................Retarded Grandparents - Newspaper Joke (S1021)
.........................Elderly Couple Has Check-Up (S479b, S631c)
.........................Second Elderly Couple Has Check-Up Joke (S140)
.........................Elderly Couple Rent Room To Model
.........................Worms Can Teach You Something
.........................Elderly Couple In Old Folk's Home Have Sex
.........................Elderly Couple In Old Folk's Home Date (S327b, S781)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip II (S681)
.........................Fred And Edith Go For A Boat Ride (S607c)
.........................Wife Puts Husband In Rest Home (S458b)
.........................Elderly Oral Sex (S492)

Also see ALLIGATOR    - 'Sam Buys A Pair Of Alligator Shoes'
         BANKING-SUPP - 'An Old Lady's Letter To Her Bank'
         BAR2 file    - 'Picking Up An Older Woman In A Bar'
         BARBIE file  - 'New Older Barbie Dolls'
         BIRTHDAY     - 'Grandma Buys A Birthday Present'
......................- 'Celebrating Different Birthdays'
.........BODY PARTS   - 'When Our Body Grows Old'
......................- 'Elderly Man Gets Hearing Aid'
......................- 'Senility Prayer'
......................- 'World's Best Hearing Aid'
         BREAST file  - 'Old Man And Girl On Beach'
         BREAST-SUPP  - 'Implants Last Forever'
         BUMPER STKRS - 'AARP Bumper Stickers'
         CARS1 file   - 'Super Car And The Moped'
         CARS2 file   - 'Two Elderly Ladies Out For A Drive'
......................- 'Granny Stops Car Thieves'
         CARS-SUPP    - 'Gas Stations Of Yesteryear'
......................- 'What Old People Do For Fun'
         CARS-SUPP2   - '101 Year Old Woman Driving An 81 Year Old Car!' - Video
         CHRISTMAS2   - 'The Man On The Moon' - Video
         CHRISTMAS4   - 'Christmas Letter From Grandma'
         CHURCH file  - 'Sing Hymns In Church'
         CLOTHING file- 'Dress Code Violations'
......................- 'Slippers'
         CLOTHING-SUPP- 'Billy Was Late For Breakfast'
         COMIC5 file  - '11 Crabby Road Cartoons'
.........COMP-SUPP2   - 'Senior Citizen Texting Code'
......................- 'A Dying Granny'
......................- 'Pickles Comic Strip'
         CONDOM file  - 'Bowl With A Condom Floating In It'
......................- 'Two Old Ladies And A Condom'
         COW/SHEEP-SUP- 'A Cow, An Ant And An Old Fart'
         DATING1 file - 'The Mink Coat'
         DATING3 file - 'Widow And Widower Goes On Picnic'
         DENTIST file - 'Speaker Forgets His Dentures'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Man Visits Doctor's Office For His Dick'
......................- '72 Year Old Woman Wants Birth-Control Pills'
......................- 'Older Gent At Urologist's Office'
         DOCTOR3 file - 'New Doctor Takes Over For Old One'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Elderly Male Eye Test'
......................- 'Asking The Doctor If You'll Live To 80'
         DRINKING file- 'Older Lady Has Drink On Ship'
         EPITAPHS     - 'Epitaph Of A Virgin'
         FAIRY TALES  - 'Cinderella At 75' (3 Wishes And A Cat)
         FARMER2 file - 'The Weathered Old Barns'
         FART file    - 'Non Sequitur Comic On God And Grandpas'
......................- 'Silent Fart'
......................- 'The Priest Breaks Wind'
.........FOOD-SUPP    - 'New Wine For Seniors'
.........FOOTBALL file- 'Two Different Generations Argue At Football Game'
......................- 'Watching Football w/Grandson'
         FRENCH file  - 'Elderly Man Arrives At DeGaulle Airport'
.........FROG file    - 'Talking Frog And The Old Man'
         FUNERAL file - 'Elderly Man Dying For A Cookie'
......................- 'Talk Before 98 Year Old Man's Funeral'
         GAMES file   - 'Two Old Ladies Play Bridge'
.........GAMES-SUPP   - 'Longevity Game'
......................- 'Six Retired Floridians Play Poker'
         GENIE file   - 'Old Couple Get Wishes f/Fairy'
         GOD2 file    - 'Mother Teresa And God'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Three Deaf Retirees Play Golf'
......................- 'Four Senior Golfers Complain'
         GRAVEYARD    - 'Counting Nuts In The Graveyard'
         HALLOWEEN-SUP- 'Pickles Comic Strip II'
         HARLEY file  - 'Wild Old Motorcyclists'
......................- 'Old Lady Joins Biker Club'
         HEAVEN1 file - 'Elderly Couple Goes To Heaven'
         HEADLINES/ADS- 'Coca-Cola Commercial'
......................- 'Centrum Silver Strip Poker Commercial'
         HOOKER file  - 'Old Man Wants To See Natalie'
         HOSPITAL1    - 'Maxine's Living Will'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'Sarah Finkel's Hospital Condition'
......................- 'Visiting Grandpa In The Hospital'
......................- 'Angry Old Man And The Nurse'
......................- 'An Old Lady's Poem'
......................- 'True Hospital Stories'
......................- 'Emergency Room Stories'
         HOSPITAL-SUPP- 'Gettin' It Checked - Poem'
         HOTEL file   - 'Old Couple Wants A Double Bed'
......................- 'Nursing Home Alternative'
         JESUS file   - 'Honk If You Love Jesus'
         JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish Wife Was Unfaithful'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Jewish Man Divorces Wife Of 54 Years'
......................- 'Two Jewish Widows Discuss A Date'
......................- 'Older Jewish Man Has Young Wife'
         JEWISH3 file - 'Grandma Gives Elbow Directions To Grandson'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Forced Retirement Of Older Employees'
         JOBS-SUPP    - 'Selling Assholes'
         JOB-STUFF    - 'Good Bye Mom....'
         JUDGE file   - 'Prosecutor's First Witness'
......................- 'Youth Assaults Old Woman'
         KIDS2 file   - 'Grandpa Explains The "Facts of Life" '
......................- 'Girl Asked Mom About White Hair'
......................- 'Boy Fixes Coffee For Grandma'
......................- 'Grandfather And Kid Go To Cabin'
......................- 'Grandfather And Kid Go Fishing'
         KIDS3 file   - 'If You Love Something'
         KIDS4 file   - 'Taking Baby Missy To The Store'
......................- 'Kid Visits The Elderly'
         KIDS5 file   - 'Having Tea With Your Daughter'
......................- 'Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip'
......................- 'Grandma Puts On Make-Up'
......................- 'Losing Your Grand Kids In The Mall'
......................- 'Child Talks To Elderly in Wheelchair'
......................- 'Herman Cartoon III'
         LATIN_LANG   - 'Pickles Comic Strip'
         LAWYER2 file - 'The Spinster's Will'
         MAILMAN-ETC  - 'Post Office In Australia'
         MANNERS-ADVIC- 'Friendly Advice To Men'
......................- 'Dear Abby - Tough Love'
         MARRIAGE1    - 'Marriage And Eggs'
         MARRIAGE2    - 'Husband Buys Lingerie For Wife'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'Strange Marriage Poem'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Generation Gap'
.........MARRIAGE6    - 'Wife's Nick Name Is Crisco'
......................- 'Foreplay After Marriage'
.........MARRIAGE-Supp- 'After 20 Years Of Marriage'
.........MATH1 file   - 'One Big Happy Comic Strip'
.........MATH3 file   - 'Old Numbers'
.........MOTHERS file - 'Call Me "Mother"'
         MOVIE_ETC-SU2- 'The Land Of Sandra Dee - Poem'
.........MUSIC-SUPP   - 'Revised Hits For Baby Boomers'
.........MUSIC2 file  - 'The Zimmers - Britain's Got Talent' - Video
.........NATIONAL2    - 'Free Market Vs Canadian Drugs'
.........NAT-AMERICANS- 'Captured By Indians'
.........NAT_St-SUPP  - 'Florida The Health State'
.........NUDIST file  - 'The Flower Show'
......................-.'Love Dress...'
         OTHER OCCUP  - 'Feisty Old Lady Vs The Electrician'
......................- 'The Wal-Mart Greeter'
.........PEANUTS file - 'Tour Bus Driver And Peanuts'
......................- 'Preacher Eats Peanuts'
.........PENIS1 file  - 'Dick Holding'
         PENIS2 file  - 'Mr. Goldstein's Penis Dies'
......................- 'Nudist Sends Photo To Grandma'
......................- 'The Amazing Goldstein'
         PHONE file   - 'Elderly Lady's Phone Wouldn't Ring'
         PHONE-SUPP   - 'Grandparents Answering Machine:'
......................- 'Cell Phone For Seniors'
         PILOT file   - 'Three Old Pilots'
......................- 'A Farmer, His Wife, And A Pilot'
         PLANE1 file  - 'The Airplane And Grandma'
         PLANE2 file  - '73 Year Old Can't Board Plane'
         POLICE1 file - 'Getting A Parking Ticket'
         POLICE2 file - 'Police Give Grandpa A Ride Home'
         POLICE-SUPP  - 'Traffic Stop On An Elderly Lady'
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'Letter From Senior Against Bush'
         PREACHER file- 'Elderly Couple Healed By TV Preacher'
         PREGNANT-SUPP- 'Grandma's Pills'
         PRIESTS2     - '80 Year Old Confesses To An Affair'
         PUSSY file   - 'Strangers Have Sex On Beach'
......................- 'Two Old Ladies Were Sexually Harassed'
......................- 'Little Old Lady Visits Sex Shop'
         QUO-COMD-SUP2- 'Mary Maxwell Gives A Funny Invocation Prayer' - Video
         RELIGION2    - 'The First Senior Moment'
......................- 'Two Neighbors Argue About God'
.........SANTA file   - 'The Real Santa'
         SEX3 file    - '94 Year Old Dies During Sex'
......................- 'Elderly Couple Has Sex Behind Bar'
         SEX-SUPP file- 'Little Johnny Sees His Parents'
         SHIPS file   - 'An Alternative Retirement Home'
......................- 'Elderly Couple On A Cruse Ship'
         SPERM file   - 'Harold And Sperm Specimen'
         STORIES      - 'Cab Driver And The 80 Year Old Lady'
         STORIES-SUPP - 'LUNCH And Then It Was Winter'
         TESTS2 file  - 'Good Short Test'
......................- 'Fun Age Test'
         TESTS-SUPP   - '60s Dance Trivia'
         THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'When I Was A Kid...'
         THOUGHTSLRND1- 'Lessons Throughout A Lifetime'
         THOUGHTSLRND2- 'Things We Hope Our Grandkids Will Learn'
......................- 'Great Truths About Growing Old'
......................- 'Rose, A 87 Year Old College Student'
......................- 'Thoughts of An 83 Year Old Woman'
         THO-LRN-SUPP - 'I Had A Drug Problem'
......................- 'Keeper'
         THO-LRN-SUPP2- 'Old Age, I Decided, Is A Gift'
         THO-SILLY-SUP- 'Twenty Thoughts On Growing Old'
......................- 'Pickles Comic Strip'
         THOUGHTS-TIME- 'The Wheels Of Time'
......................-.'When To Use The Good China'
         THO-TIME-SUPP- 'When I Was A Kid'
......................- 'Top 25 things We Wish Would Comeback'
         TRAIN file   - 'Elderly Father Rides Train In South'
         WAITER-WTRESS- 'Where Shall We Eat?'
......................- 'Senior Breakfast Special'
......................- 'Little Old Man Orders Banana Split'
         WEDDING file - 'Where To Live After The Wedding?'
         WEDDING-SUPP - 'Eighty Year Old Woman Has Fourth Marriage'
         WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Old Couple Go On Honeymoon'
......................- 'Honeymoon Of A 85 Year Old And A 25 Year Old'
......................- 'Retiree Goes On Honeymoon w/Showgirl'
         WOMEN1 file  - 'In Praise Of Older Women'

ELDERLY1 contains 'old couples' jokes
ELDERLY2 contains jokes about old women or about old men
ELDERLY3 contains oddities about growing old
Elderly4 contains other long and short jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     Suicide Note (S954)
          From: tom on 4/28/2015
 Source1: http://imgur.com/gallery/n9YSPG5
 Source2: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_hvV0JHPYX_I/Sh8-xVwYYnI/AAAAAAAA
..........FS4/O2eB2w3LQoA/s1600-h/23_monsterrally_addams_mangman.jpg
.
...........
.
...........Click 'HERE' to see a similar cartoon
........................from sixty years ago.
.
Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple Share A Meal (S120, S815)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 5/10/99
      and From: virv on 8/25/2012

 A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at
 McDonalds.  He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and
 an extra drink cup.  As he watched, the gentleman carefully
 divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries,
 one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.  Then
 he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set
 that in front of his wife.

 The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching,
 with her hands folded in her lap.  The young man decided to
 ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for
 them so that they didn't have to split theirs.  The old
 gentleman said, "Oh no.  We've been married 50 years, and
 everything has always been and will always be shared,
 50/50."  The young man then asked the wife if she was going
 to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

Top
Subj:     Our Sexual Relations (S472c)
          From: darrell94590 on 1/28/2006
.
 This cute picture and joke can be seen by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Sam Buys A Pair Of Boots (S119)
          From: RFSlick on 5/12/99

 (Also see 'Sam Buys A Pair Of Alligator Shoes' in ALLIGATOR
   and see 'Buying Cowboy Boots' in COWBOY)

 Sam and Bessie have been married for forty years.  During
 those years Sam always wanted to own an expensive pair of
 cowboy boots.  Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair
 and wears them home.  He walks into the kitchen and asks
 Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?

 "What's different?  Its the same shirt you wore yesterday
 and the same pants.  What's different?   Frustrated, Sam
 goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely
 naked, wearing only his new boots.  Again he says, "Bessie,
 do you notice anything different?"

 "What's different, Sam?  Its hanging down today, it was
 hanging down yesterday, and it will be hanging down tomorrow."
 Angrily, Sam yells, "Do you know why its hanging down?
 "Cause it's looking at my new boots."

 Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"

Top
Subj:     Pickles Comic Strips (S963)
          By Brian Crane on 6/27/2015
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2015/06/27
.
.
.
.
Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple Having Problems Remembering (S126b)
          From: RFSlick on 6/23/99

 (See 'Elderly Couple In The Park' in ELDERLY1)

 An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things,
 so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to
 make sure nothing was wrong with them.  When they arrived at
 the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems
 they were having with their memory.  After checking the couple
 out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but
 might want to start writing things down and make notes to help
 them remember things.

 The couple thanked the doctor and left.  Later that night
 while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his
 wife asks, "Where are you going?"  He replies, "To the kitchen."
 She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"  He replies,
 "Sure."

 She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down
 so you can remember it?"  He says, "No, I can remember that."

 She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on
 top.  You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget
 that."  He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice
 cream with strawberries."

 She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top.  I
 know you will forget that so you better write it down."  With
 irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that
 down I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

 After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands
 her a plate of bacon and eggs.

 She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my
 toast."

Top
Subj:     3 Pickles Comic Strips (S678)
          By Brian Crane on 1/5/2010
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2009/12/26
  and at http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2010/01/04
  and at http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2010/01/05

 After the exciting first year of marriage, sleeping with
 a second person in your bed is challenging.  Read these
 three Pickles' strips to understand a little of this problem.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Top
Subj:     Highway Patrol Pulls Over Elderly Woman (S102)
          From: thebartend on 99-01-13

 An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman
 was driving.  She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
 The officer said, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

 The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

 The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."  The patrolman
 says, "May I see your license?"  The woman turns to her husband
 and asks, "What did he say?"

 The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."  The woman
 gives him her license.

 The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas.  I spent some
 time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

 The woman turns to her husband and asks," What did he say?"

 "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

Top
Subj:     Highway Patrol Pulls Over Five Elderly Women (S373)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/16/2004

 Same as 'Highway Partol Pulls Over Five Ladies' in Elderly2-Supp.

Top
Subj:     The Three Rules Of Old Age (S411b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/8/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
.
..............
.
.
Top
Subj:    Elderly Couple In The Park

 (See 'Elderly Couple Having Problems Remembering' in ELDERLY1)

 This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a
 large pond.  Across the other side of the pond are vendors
 sell all types of food stuff.

 The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an
 ice cream cone."

 Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."

 Wife: But, you'll forget, you better write it down.

 Hub:  No I wont - what do you want?

 Wife: Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles.

 Hub:  OK  - Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles - see
 I'll remember.

 Several hours pass an finally hubby returns.

 Wife: What took you so long, did you get lost.

 Hub:  No - and I got what you wanted.

 The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?!

 Wife: I knew you you should have written the order down.

 Hub:  What do you mean - every thing is there?

 Wife: No it's not - look - you forgot the piclkes.

Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple Wants Baby

 (See 'Harold And Sperm Specimen' in SPERM)

 An elderly couple walk into a doctor's office.  The man tells
 the doctor, "Doctor, we want to have a baby."  The doctor
 replies,"At your age I don't think it's possible, but I'll
 give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample."

 So the couple comes back a few days later.  They give the
 doctor an empty jar.  The doctor says, "I was afraid of
 this."

 The old man says,"No, it's not what you think.  I tried it
 with my left hand.  I tried it with my right hand.  She
 tried it with her left hand.  She tried it with her right
 hand.  She tried it with her teeth in.  She tried it with
 her teeth out.  But we couldn't get the lid off the jar."

Top
Subj:     Retarded Grandparents (S1021)
          From: Sherri Madsen on Facebook on 8/7/2016
 Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/10207050@N08/27067854004
.
.....
.
.
Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple Has Check-Up (S479b, S631c)
..........From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/25/2006
      and From: tom on 2/8/2009

 As my wife and I are approaching our 63rd and 65th birthdays,
 respectively, we scheduled our annual medical examination the
 same day, so we could travel together.  After my examination,
 the doctor said, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have
 any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

 "In fact, I do," I said. "After I am intimate with my wife the
 first time, I am usually hot and sweaty.  And then, after I the
 second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

 "This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some
 research and get back to you."

 After examining my wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears
 to be fine.  Do you have any medial concerns that you would
 like to discuss with me?"

 She replied that she had no questions, nor concerns.  The doctor
 then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern.  He claims
 that he is usually hot and sweaty after being intimate the first
 time with you and cold and chilly after the second time, do you
 know why?"

 "Oh, that old fart!" she replied. "That's because, the first time
 is usually in July and the second time is usually in December."

Top
Subj:     Second Elderly Couple Has Check-Up Joke (S140, S772)
..........From: gattica30 on 6/16/2009
      and From: hilary.miller05 on 11/2/2011

 An old couple go to the doctor.  The old man goes first to
 have his physical.  When the doctor is done with him, he sends
 the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman
 in.  The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the
 examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband
 first."  The old woman says, "Oh no, it's his heart.  I told
 him to lay off the eggs."

 The doctor says, "No, physically he is OK, but I'm worried
 about him mentally."  The old woman questions, "Whatever do
 you mean?"  The doctor says, "Well I asked your husband how
 he is feeling and he told me he felt great.

 He said that when he got up to go the bathroom, he opened the
 door and God turned the light on for him.  When he was done,
 he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for
 him."  The old woman responded, "Son of a gun, he's peeing in
 the fridge again!"

Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple Rent Room To Model
.
Drawing from HomeEconomiser.com

 Click 'HERE' to read this cute joke.

Top
Subj:     Worms Can Teach You Something
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #33 on 98-02-03

 A grandfather and his grandson were out in the garden
 digging worms to go fishing when, finally, the grandson
 saw a worm sticking about halfway out of a hole.  The
 grandson grabbed hold of the worm and pulled it out the
 rest of the way.  He turns to his elder and says, "Grandpa,
 I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

 The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you
 can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little
 hole."

 The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with
 a can of hairspray.  He sprays the worm until it is
 straight and stiff as a board.  Without any trouble, he
 puts the worm back into the hole.

 The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs
 the hairspray, and runs into the house.  Thirty minutes
 later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little
 boy another five dollars.

 The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five
 dollars."  The grandfather replies, "I know.  That's from
 your grandma."

Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple In Old Folk's Home Have Sex
          From Bawdy.Net Collage #20

 (See 'Dates Toes Curl During Sex' in Dating1
......and see version 2 below)

 An elderly man and woman at the Old Folk's Home were sitting
 and chatting on a porch enjoying a warm summer evening when
 all of a sudden the old man got a little "frisky" and
 suggested to the old woman that they go inside and do *it*.

 Well, the woman hesitated, not really interested in having
 sex that evening but the man was quite persistent and said,
 "Honey, if you'll have sex with me, I'll give you $50".
 She thought to herself, "Well, I could use the money so
 what the hell." and off they went. Both were exhausted
 afterwards and the old man said, "Gee, if I would have known
 you were a virgin, I would have offered you $100 bucks".

 The old woman looked at him and said, "Well, shit, if I
 would have known you would have given me $100 bucks, I'd
 have taken off my damn panty hose!"

Top
Version 2

Subj:     Elderly Couple In Old Folk's Home Date (S327b, S781)
          From: From: darrellvip on 2/12/2009
      and From: hilary.miller05 on 11/2/2011

 Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen's
 residence. They met in the social center and discovered
 over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

 After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked
 Maude out for dinner, and she accepted. They had a lovely
 evening.

 Afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for
 an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural
 course and, age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined
 Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

 As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments
 they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own
 thoughts.

 Claude was thinking: If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd
 have been more gentle.

 Maude was thinking: If I'd known he could still get it up,
 I'd have taken off my panty hose.

Top
Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip II (S681)
          By Brian Crane on 1/25/2010
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2010/01/25
.
.
.
.
Top
Subj:     Fred And Edith Go For A Boat Ride (S607c)
          From: ipkis on 97-09-08
      and From: redcatt on 8/21/2008

 Fred and Edith were living in the Old Folks Home.  One day,
 Fred says to Edith, "Hey, Edith!  You wanna go for a boat ride?"
 Edith says, "Sure!"

 So, there they were paddling along... and they come to a fork
 in the river.  Fred says, pointing to the left and then to the
 right, Edith... up or down?"  Edith says, "What??"  Fred, again,
 pointing to the left and then to the right, says "Up... or down?"
 Well, Edith starts RIPPING her clothes off, then rips the clothes
 right off of Fred's back and starts screwing the hell out of him!
 When they're finished, Fred rows back to the Old Folks Home
 *extremely* happy.

 The next week, Fred says "Edith (wink, wink) wanna go for a boat
 ride? (wink, wink)"  Edith says, "Why, sure!"  So, there they
 go, Fred paddling like a madman, trying to reach the fork in the
 river.

 They reach the fork and Fred turns anxiously to Edith and says,
 "Edith!  Up or down!?" Edith looks at the fork in the river and
 says, "Oh... up, I guess."  Fred looks at her confused and
 repeats, "Edith... UP or DOWN?"  Edith, again looks at the fork
 and repeats, "UP."

 Fred, looking quite confused says "Edith... what is with you?
 Last week I said 'up or down' and you tore your clothes off and
 screwed me like a madwoman!"  Edith, shocked says:  "Is THAT what
 you said? UP or DOWN?  Omigosh... my hearing aid was in the shop
 getting fixed last week... I thought you said 'Fuck or Drown'!"

Top
Subj:     Wife Puts Husband In Rest Home (S458b)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #220 on 97-10-11

 (Also see 'The 100th Birthday Party' in Birthday)

 Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman that was
 suffering from Alzheimer's.  His wife of 40 years loved
 him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer.
 He would wander about never knowing where he was or
 sometimes even who he was.  She took him to a nursing
 home.

 At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out
 paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair.
 Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left.
 The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to
 prop him up.  A few minutes later, he started leaning
 to his right.  Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow
 on his right side.  Then he starting leaning forward.

 This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.  About
 this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork,
 walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"

 "It's okay," he said.  "But, they won't let me fart."

Top
Subj:     Couples 50th Anniversary

  and     50th Anniversary w/Cheap, Late Kids (S322)

  and     Rancher's 50th Anniversary (S291b)

  and     Hillbilly's 60 Anniversary (S320b)

  and     75th Wedding Anniversary
 

          These five jokes have moved to Elderly1-Supp
 

Top
Subj:     Elderly Oral Sex (S492)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/29/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 To view this cute cartoon, click 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.
...........................From Smiley_Central.
.
.