Subj: Elderly3 Supplement
..........(Includes 30 jokes, 05 1121,21,cf,vYT2,16)
Click "Here" for Elderly3-Supp2
Man Feeeding Pigeons
ELDERLY1 contains 'old couples' jokes
ELDERLY2 contains jokes about old women or about old men
ELDERLY3 contains oddities about growing old
Elderly4 contains other long and short jokes
Subj: IronWorkz, A Rock Band (S684d-iFrame)
From: tom in 2010 (in Headlines/Ads-Supp)
.......Click 'HERE' to see this commercial for red meat
.......with iron is very cute. Good advice for old folks.
.............Deficit Disorder (d-iFrame)
From: virv in 2012 (S785)
(Also see "Being Diagnosed With AAADD" in Elderly3)
This is a sketch about one of
the hazards of getting older.
It was director: Steve Pemberton in 2004.
Click 'HERE' to see this all too real, funny skit.
How To Live To Be 100 And Over
in 2010 (in Time-Supp)
In this twenty-two minute video,
writer and explorer Dan Buettner studies the world's
longest-lived peoples, distilling their secrets into
a single plan for health and long life. Click 'HERE'
to learn how to live to the age of 100.
Subj: Retirees: Question And Answer (S467)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005
Question: When is a retiree's
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees
to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest
gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees
mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees
what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees
Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common
term for someone who enjoys
work and refuses to retire?
Question: Why are retirees
so slow to clean out the
basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of
their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees
call a long lunch?
Question: What is the best
way to describe retirement?
Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest
advantage of going back
to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree
often say he doesn't miss
work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
From: Carfal on 5/8/2007
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Battle Hymn of the Baby Boomers
Lyric by Bill Dyszel
in 2009 (S651d-iFrame)
|Photo from Google.com|
Barack Obama's inauguration makes
70 million baby boomers
older than their President for the first time. Click on
'HERE' to see this all too real, but funny video.
Drill Team For Retired Guys (S636)
From: ft.apache in 2009 (d-iFrame)
Photo from YouTube.com
This is very lame yet very funny
for the lazy and
old. The video is from Steve Harvey's Big Time
Challenge TV Show on TV.com. Click 'HERE' to see
Question-Answers About Retirement
..........in 2007 (S525b)
This web page has cute jokes,
funny pictures, and wonderful
background music. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Letter From Grandma (S419)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005
I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few
changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have
become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen
everyday. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out
Then I go to see John.
Then Charlie Horse comes along,
and when he is here he takes
a lot of my time and attention.
When he leaves, Arthur Ritis
shows up and stays the rest of
the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so
he takes me from joint to joint.
After such a busy day, I'm really
tired and glad to go to
bed with Ben Gay.
What a life. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.
Subj: Aunty Acid Coffee Cup (S989)
From: Carfal in 2016
Source: (Removed from suescornerweb.com)
Quotes About Grandkids And
..........From: gordonschuk in 2007 (S505b, S571c)
to read these wonderful quotes, see the
pictures, and hear the music.
Subj: Life As We Once Knew It (S371b)
From: Grampsboyd in 2004
This is long but well worth the time!
Life as We Once Knew It
(in the 50's and 60's)
A little house with three
and one car on the street,
A mower that you had to push
to make the grass look neat.
In the kitchen on the
we only had one phone,
And no need for recording things,
someone was always home.
We only had a living room
where we would congregate,
Unless it was at mealtime
in the kitchen where we ate.
We had no need for family
or extra rooms to dine,
When meeting as a family
those two rooms would work out fine.
We only had one TV set,
and channels -- maybe two,
But always there was one of them
with something worth the view.
For snacks we had potato
that tasted like a chip,
And if you wanted flavor
there was Lipton's onion dip.
Store-bought snacks were
because my mother liked to cook,
And nothing can compare
to snacks in Betty Crocker's book.
The snacks were even healthy
with the best ingredients,
No labels with a hundred things
that make not a bit of sense.
Weekends were for family
or staying home to play,
We all did things together --
even go to church to pray.
When we did our weekend
depending on the weather,
No one stayed at home because
we liked to be together.
Sometimes we would separate
to do things on our own,
But we knew where the others were
without our own cell phone.
Then there were the movies
with your favorite movie star,
And nothing can compare to
watching movies in your car.
Then there were the picnics
at the peak of summer season,
Pack a lunch and find some trees
and never need a reason.
Get a baseball game together
with all the friends you know,
Have real action playing ball --
and no game video.
Remember when the doctor
to be the family friend,
And didn't need insurance
or a lawyer to defend?
The way that he took care
or what he had to do,
Because he took an oath
and strived to do the best for you.
Remember going to the
and shopping casually,
And when you went to pay for it
you used your own money?
Nothing that you had to
or punch in some amount,
Remember when the cashier person
had to really count?
Remember when we breathed
it smelled so fresh and clean,
And chemicals were not used
on the grass to keep it green.
The milkman and the bread
used to go from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more
than going to the store.
There was a time when
came right to your door,
Without a lot of junk mail ads
sent out by every store.
The mailman knew each
house by name
and knew where it was sent;
There were not loads of mail
addressed to "present occupant."
They didn't look like
trying to squeeze out every mile;
They were streamlined with white walls ? fins,
and really had some style.
One time the music that
whenever you would jive,
Was from a vinyl, big-holed record
called a forty-five.
The record player had
to keep them all in line,
And then the records would drop down
and play one at a time.
Oh sure, we had our problems
just like we do today,
And always we were striving,
trying for a better way.
And every year that passed
brought new and greater things,
We now can even program phones
with music or with rings.
Oh, the simple life we
still seems like so much fun,
How can you explain a game,
just kick the can and run?
And why would boys put
between bicycle spokes,
And for a nickel red machines
had little bottled Cokes?
This life seemed so much
and slower in some ways,
I love the new technology
but I sure miss those days.
So time moves on and so
and nothing stays the same,
But I sure love to reminisce
and walk down memory lane.
What Is A Grandparent
..........in 2008 (S575b)
Subj: The Over 40 Test (S390b, S584c)
From: Imogenelumen in 2004
Here's a little test for anyone over 40 - Have Fun!
1. After the Lone Ranger saved
the day and rode off into
the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was
that masked man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I
don't know, but he left this behind." "What did he leave
2. When the Beatles first came
to the U.S. in early 1964,
we all watched them on the _________________show.
3. Get your kicks _______________.
4. The story you are about to
see is true. The names have
been changed__________________. What show was it on?
5. In the jungle, the mighty jungle,_______________
6. After the twist, the mashed
potatoes, and the watusi,
we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as
we could go in a dance called the ______________
7. Nestle's makes the very best ______________
8. Satchmo was America's "ambassador
of goodwill". Our
parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us.
His name was _________________
9. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?_________
10. Red Skelton's hobo character
and he always ended his television show by saying,
"Good night, and_________________"
11. Some Americans who protested
the Vietnam war did so by
12. The cute little car with
the engine in the back and the
trunk in the front, was called the VW. What other
names did it go by?______________?_____________
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean
sang a song about,"the day
the music died." This was a tribute to______________
14. We can remember the first
satellite placed into orbit.
The Russians did it; it was called ________________.
15. One of the big fads of the
late fifties and sixties
was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our
waist; it was called the___________________
1. a silver bullet
2. Ed Sullivan show
3. Route 66
4. to protect the innocent... Dragnet
5. The Lion sleeps tonight
6. The limbo
8. Louis Armstrong
9. The Timex watch
10. Freddy the freeloader,, and "Good night, and may God Bless"
11. draft cards
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
Too Soon Old - Poem (S634)
by Dave Griffith
From: darrellvip in 2009
This poem, titled Too Soon
Old, was written by Dave Griffith
of Fort Worth, Texas. Griffith wrote the poem more than 20
years ago and meant it to be simple, and too the point.
It is his life from youth through old age including high
school football, Marines, marriage, the ravages of his own
Someone took the poem from his
site, created a false story
titles Crabby Old Man, and started it circulating on the
Internet. There is even a slide show and video based on
the false story.
This poem is exquisite and touching.
Click 'HERE' to read
Subj: You're Not Old UNLESS You Can Remember ..... (S108)
From: RFSlick in 1999
Being sent to the drugstore to
test vacuum tubes for the TV.
When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk
When there were two types of sneakers for boys.
When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school.
When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
When a dime was a decent allowance,
and a quarter a huge bonus.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school,
When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all your male teachers wore a neckties and
the female teachers had their hair done, everyday.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked,
and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time.
And you got trading stamps to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes
or towels hidden inside the box.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or
use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the
kid, thought a thing of it.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out
to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student
The Wheels Of Time (S474b)
..........in 2006 (in Thou-Time)
To view this cute cartoon, click 'HERE'.
Subj: Growing Old (S363)
From: DoctorDebt in 2004
I used to have Saturday Night
Fever...now I just have Saturday
Night hot flashes. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-
old... as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
My memory's not as sharp as it
used to be. Also, my memory's
not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill
I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
I'm getting into swing dancing.
Although, not on purpose.
Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
It's scary when you start making
the same noises as your
I think I've reached my sexpiration date.
People our age can still enjoy
an active, passionate sex life!
Provided we get cable or that dish thing.
The good news is that even as
we get older, guys still look at
our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says, "For
I've tried to find a suitable
exercise video for women my age.
But they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
Don't think of it as getting
hot flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down.....it's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing
because you grow old......
you grow old because you stop laughing.
There! Now don't you feel better about getting older??????
Subj: On Old Age (S403)
From: LABLaughsAdult in 2004
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
A passer-by noticed an old lady
sitting on her front step:
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your
secret for such a long, happy life?"
"I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day", she said. "Before I go
to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a
whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.
On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all."
"This is absolutely amazing at
your age!!!!", says the passer-by.
"How old are you?"
Subj: We Survived Being Kids (S303)
From: KMACINTY in 2002
Looking back, it's hard to believe
that we have lived as
long as we have ...
As children, we would ride in
cars with no seat belts or
air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm
day was always a special treat.
Our baby cribs were covered with
bright colored lead-based
paint, and no padded crib protectors to keep us from
sticking our heads through the slats. We could sleep on
our backs, our sides, or our stomachs. We had no childproof
lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention hitch-
hiking as a young kid!)
We drank water from the garden
hose and not from a bottle.
Horrors! We would leave home in the morning and play all
day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. No
We played dodge ball and sometimes
the ball would really
hurt. We got cut and broke bones and broke teeth and there
were no law suits from these accidents. They were accidents.
No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each
other and got black and blue
and learned to get over it. And sometimes make up and become
best friends. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank
sugar soda but we were never overweight .... We were always
outside playing. We shared one grape soda with four friends,
from one bottle and no one died from this?
We didn't have Playstations,
Nintendo 64, X Boxes, video
games, 699 channels on cable, video tape and DVD movies,
surround sound, personal cellular phones, personal computers
or Internet chat rooms ... we had real live friends. We
went outside and found them. We rode bikes or walked to a
friend's home and knocked on the door, or rung the bell or
just walked in and talked to them. Imagine such a thing.
Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the
cold cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we do it?
We made up games with sticks
and tennis balls and ate worms
and although we were told it would happen, we didn't put
out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Some students weren't as smart
as others so they failed a
grade and were held back to repeat the same grade ...
Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason. Bad
behavior at home, at school, or in public was rewarded with
corporal punishment, such as a smack or a paddling. We
walked to school or at the very least to the bus stop with-
out our parents taking us because it rained or snowed.
We had people who didn't like
us because of our religion,
color, ethnic origin, where we lived, who we hung out with,
and so forth. We survived. Our actions were our own.
This generation has produced
some of the best risk-takers
and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years
has been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had
freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
how to deal with it all. Family and friends were the most
important things in our lives. And you're one of them.
pass this on to others that have
had the luck to grow up as kids.
Colored Pills - Poem (S542c)
From: gordonschuk in 2007
Photo from iStockphoto
You can read this cute poem by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The Sinister Plot (S300b)
From: Cypriot in 2002
WE MUST STOP THIS SINISTER PLOT!
Have you ever noticed that as
the years go by, everything
seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper,
groceries are heavier, and everything is farther away.
Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was horrified to
discover how long our street had become! I never noticed
when I was younger that it's been changing!
And, you know, people are less
considerate now, especially
the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If
you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves,
endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red
in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also have a feeling that these
people are much younger
than I was at the same age. On the other hand, something
has been making people who used to be my own age so much
older than I am.
I ran into an old friend the
other day and she has aged so
much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking
about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning,
and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection ... and I
noticed that even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Clothing manufacturers are part
of the conspiracy too! Why
else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress
as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things
no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
Another thing, everyone drives
so fast today! You're risking
life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in
front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out
awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear
The people who make bathroom
scales are in on it as well. Do
they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial?
Hah! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do
these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in
authority to report what's
going on - but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy
too: They've printed the phone books in such small type that
no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this
warning: Maturity is under
attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon *every-
one* will have to suffer these awful indignities.
P.S.: I am sending this
to you in a larger font size, because
something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were,
Nursing Home Orgy
in 2008 (S584c)
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
A group of nine love-hungry codgers
were kicked out of an old
folks home in London for having an orgy. You can read the
newspaper article by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Lovemaking Tips For Older Persons (S299, S866)
From: auntiegah in 2002
Put bi-focals on ... double
check that you're
with the right partner
Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes... in case
you doze off in the middle
Set the mood with lighting ... turn em ALL OFF !
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't
remember what to scream out at the end
Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't
end up under the bed
Have heating pads, tylenol, splints and crutches
ready in case you actually complete the act.
Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Don't even think about trying it twice.
Message About Getting Older
From: ginafm in 2008 (S585b)
You can read this important message by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Are You Lonesome Tonight - Song (S297)
From: coreymac in 2002
"Are You Lonesome Tonight?"
Elvis Presley's Senior Citizen Song
Are you lonesome tonight, does
your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day..
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding, are your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her, and its prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain...do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight
Is your blood pressure up, your
Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot, keeps you like a well-oiled machine.
If it's football, or baseball...he sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at...but forgets what it's for.
So, your gallbladder's gone, and his gout lingers on.
Tell me dear, are lonesome tonight
When you're hungry, he's not.
When you're cold, then he's hot.
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.
Then you get his symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.
How'd he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets, this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight.
The ABC's of Aging...
..........in 2008 (S602c)
You can view this cute list of
ailments by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Old Geezers (S290, DU)
From: Grampsboyd in 2002
"Geezers" are easy to spot:
At sporting events, during the
playing of the National
Anthem, Old Geezers hold their caps over their hearts
and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and
believe in them.
Old Geezers remember World War
I, the Depression, World
War II, Pearl Harbor,Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler.
They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War,
the Jet Age, the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam.
If you bump into an Old Geezer
on the sidewalk, he will
apologize. If you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he
will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Geezers trust
strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the
door for the next person and always, when walking, make
certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old Geezers get embarrassed if
someone curses in front of
women and children and they don't like any filth on TV or
in movies. Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom
brag unless it's about their grandchildren.
It's the Old Geezers who know
our great country is
protected, not by politicians or police, but by the young
men and women in the military serving their country.
This country needs Old Geezers
with their decent values.
We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old Geezers!
Opus On Getting Old (S605c)
By Berkeley Breathed on Nov. 11, 2007
This Opus comic strip discusses
getting old. You can view
this wonderful comic strip by clicking 'HERE'.
You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: How Old Is Grandpa? (S275b, S491b)
From: RFSlick in 2001
One evening a grandson was talking
to his grandfather about
current events. He asked what he thought about the shootings
at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The granddad replied, "Well,
let me think a minute... I was
born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen
foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.
There was no radar, credit cards,
laser beams or ball-point
pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners,
dishwashers, clothes dryers, well the clothes were hung out
to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon.
Your grandmother and I got married
first, and then lived
together. Every family had a father and a mother, and every
boy over 14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use
and respect. And they went hunting and fishing together.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir'-and
after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man
with a title, 'Sir.'
Sundays were set aside for going
to church as a family,
helping those in need, and visiting with family or neighbors.
We were before gay-rights, computer-dating,
daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed
by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and
wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege;
living here was a
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship
meant getting along with
Draft dodgers were people who
closed their front doors
when the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family
spent together in the
evenings and weekends not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios,
tape decks, CDs, electric
typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We
listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the
President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever
remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to
If you saw anything with 'Made
in Japan' on it, it was
The term 'making out' referred
to how you did on your
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant
coffee were unheard
of. We had 5 and 10-cent stores where you could actually
buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice cream cones, phone calls,
rides on a streetcar, and
a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to
splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps
to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe
for $600, but who could
afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11cents a gallon.
In my day, 'grass' was mowed,
'coke' was a cold drink,
'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock
music' was your grandmother's lullaby.
'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's
meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hard-
ware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation
to actually believe that
a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us "old
and confused" and say there
is a generation gap and how old do you think I am - ????
.. Grandpa is only 59 years old.
Two Generations Argue
..........in 2009 (S648b)
(Also see 'Two Different Generations Argue At Football Game' in Football)
Click 'HERE' to see is interesting picture.
Pickles Comic Strips (S685)
By Brian Crane in 2010
This set of three comic strips
discuss the different types
of naps. Click 'HERE' to see these cute strips.
Pickles Sunday Comic Strips II
By Brian Crane
..........in 2010 (S712)
This cute comic strip discusses
being old and in the way.
Click 'HERE' to another wonderful Pickles strips.
Kopf Cartoon (S789)
Published in FunnyTimes in March 2012
From: virv in 2012
If Rene Descartes, the French
philosopher who coined
the sentence "I think, therefore I am" were to rewrite
this as an elderly person, this cartoon by Kopf would
probably be the result. Click 'HERE' to see this all
to real cartoon.