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Subj:     Kids1 Jokes
                 (Includes 20 jokes and articles, 28 1037n,8,cf,wXT2c,4)

Boy Walking Dog  from
PageWorks
Includes the following:  People With No Kids Don't Know - Video (S968)
.........................Bill Maher: Helicopter Parenting (S954)
.........................Wooden Eye (S36, S606)
.........................Sesame Street: Smell Like A Monster - Video (S716)
.........................Dad Explains Politics (S13, S785)
.........................Mother Explains The Facts To Son (S32, DU)
.........................Tundra Comics (S969)
.........................Dad Explains The Facts Of Life (S240, S615b)
.........................Dad Explains The Facts Of Life II (S441b, DU)
.........................Babies and Diapers - Cartoon (S448)
.........................Buckwheat and Darla (S156, DU)
.........................Two Kids Practice Cussing (S260b, S762)
.........................Thumb Sucking (S611b)
.........................Zits Cartoon (S695b)
.........................Whose Dad Is Stronger
.........................Couple Sends Son To Balcony (S333, S535)
.........................Boy Plays With Trains And Cusses (S167, S330b)
.........................Boy Plays With Trains And Cusses II - Video (S624c)
.........................Johnny Wants To Marry Susie (S109, S536)
.........................A Boy And A Girl Compete (S118)
.........................A Boy And A Girl Compete II (S455)

Also see ANIMAL,OTHER - 'Professional Competency Test'
         ASIA file    - 'Disciplining Japanese Children'
         ASIAN-CHINESE- 'Chinese Couple Names Wong Have A Baby'
         BALLS file   - 'Three-Year_old Examines His Balls'
         BANKING file - 'How To Make A Ring From A One Dollar Bill'
         BARBER file  - 'Dumb Boy Goes Into A Barbershop'
......................- 'Little Girl Goes To The Barber'
         BASEBALL     - 'Greatest Hitter In The World'
......................- 'Little League Baseball'
         BATHROOM file- 'Boy Pushes Over Outhouse'
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'There are Friends, And Then There Are True Friends'
         BIG_CATS file- 'Father And Son At The Tiger Cage'
         BIOLOGY file - 'Worms And Alcohol'
         BIRTHDAY     - 'Grandma Buys A Birthday Present'
......................- 'Celebrating Different Birthdays'
         BLACK1 file  - 'Woman Has Ten Sons Named LeRoy'
......................- 'Black Kid Is Better'
         BLONDE1 file - 'Blonde Kidnaps Young Boy'
         BODY PARTS   - 'Boy Cries Over Freckles'
......................- 'Baby Born Without Ears'
         BREAST file  - 'Guess What Cup Size????'
......................- 'Three Babies Poem'
......................- 'Hardening Of The Nipples'
.........BREAST-SUPP  - 'Explaining Breast-Feeding To A Child'
.........BROTHERS file- 'Naming Twin Sisters'
.........BUGS_ETC file- 'Two Spiders Mating In Garden'
         BUTLER-MAID  - 'Live-In Maid'
         BYCYCLE file - 'Little Patrick Asks For A Bike'
         CANDY file   - 'Little Billy Eats Six Candy Bars'
         CARS2 file   - 'Sixteen Year-Old Buys Porsche'
......................- 'Dick Hits Pickup Windshield'
......................- 'Man Tries To Get Boy In Car'
         CARS3 file   - 'Daughter Wants To Borrow Car From Dad'
......................- 'Nursery School License Plate'
......................- 'Woman w/Sick Kid Locks Keys In Car'
         CARS-SUPP    - 'Boy Wants To Drive The Family Car'
......................- 'Tundra Comics' w/Beavers
         CARTOON-SUPP - 'Donald Duck: Daddy Duck 1948' - Video
         CHRISTMAS1   - 'A Box of Kisses'
......................- 'Kid Gets Bike For Christmas'
.........CHRISTMAS2   - 'Twelve Days of Suffering!'
         CHURCH file  - 'Johnny Stares At Church Plaque'
......................- 'Two Bad Boys'
......................- 'Mr. Sugerbrown's Daughter'
         CHURCH-SUPP  - 'Two Boys Discuss Satin'
......................- 'Where Is Jesus Today? (Little Johnny)
......................- 'Sunday School, Damnation, And Santa'
         CLINTON file - 'Clinton Asks For Example Of 'Tragedy''
         CLINTON-SCND2- 'Dr. Seuss and Clinton'
         COMPUTERS2   - 'Little Boy's Father Dies'
         COMPUTERS-SUP- 'How Was I Born?'
         COMPUTERS-SU2- 'Doonesbury Comic Strip'
         CONDOM file  - 'Little Johnny And Dad's Condom'
......................- 'Young Man Buys Some Condoms'
         CONTRACTOR   - '6-Year-Old Girl Helps At Construction Site'
         DATING1 file - 'Girlfriend Packs Her Bags'
......................- 'Guy And Gal Having Painful Sex'
         DIFFERENCES1 - 'Boys And Girls Are Born Equal But Not The Same'
         DIFFERENCES2 - 'Pockets'
         DENTIST file - 'Why Engineers Shouldn't Babysit' - Video
         DOCTOR1 file - 'Doctor Helps Couples Have Children'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Doctor Examines A Four Year Old'
......................- 'Doctor Leaves Stethoscope On Car Seat'
         DOCTOR3 file - 'Country Doctor Delivers Baby With Dad's Help'
......................- 'Two Boys In Doctor's Office For Tests'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating'
         DOG1 file    - 'Boy Sees Two Dogs Mate'
......................- 'Grandma Explains Dogs Maiting'
......................- 'Dog Has Bath With Detergent'
         DOGS2 file   - 'Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids'
.........DOGs3 file   - 'Old Dog Comes By For A Nap'
.........DRIN-BEER-SUP- '7 Year Old's Reasons To Like Beer'
.........ELDERLY1 file- 'Worms can Teach You Something'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'Old Man Bribes Junior High Kids'
......................- 'Mother's And Grandmother's Hedgehogs Seen By Son'
......................- 'Little Girl Sits On Grandpa's Lap'
         ELDERLY3 file- 'Retirement Thru The Eyes Of A Child'
         ELDERLY3-SUPP- 'Quotes About Grandkids And Grandparents'
         ELEPHANT file- 'A Frickin' Elephant'
         FACTS2 file  - 'Smelling Poop At Taco Bell'
         FACTS5 file  - 'Three Year Old Criminal'
         FAMOUS PEOPL1- 'Boy Asks Mom About God'
......................- 'Short Michael Jackson Jokes'
         FARMER1 file - 'Rich Visit Poor Farm'
......................- 'Johnny Kicks The Animals'
         FART file    - 'Kids are a Gas!'
         FIREMEN file - 'Fire Truck w/Dog Passes Van w/Kids'
         FOOD_ETC file- 'Dad's Brownies'
......................- 'The Lemonade Stand'
         FROG file    - 'Boy Goes To Whore House With Dead Frog'
......................- 'What Does A Frog Say?'
         FUNERAL file - 'Little Tommy's Fish Dies'
         GAYS file    - 'Gay Adoption'
......................- 'Two Gays Have A Baby'
.........GOD2 file    - 'Little Jimmy Talks To God'
......................- 'Children's Letters To God'
......................- 'More Children's Letters To God'
         GRAVEYARD    - 'Counting Nuts In The Graveyard'
         HANDICAPPED  - 'Blind Kid Prays For Sight'
         HEADLINES-ADS- 'Evian's Roller-Skating Babies Ad'
         HELL file    - 'Devil Baby' Terrifies New Yorkers' - Video
         HOOKER file  - 'Little Boy Goes To Brothel'
......................- 'Little Johnny And His Mother's Occupation'
......................- 'Mother, Daughter, And The Cabbie'
         HORSE file   - 'Man Checks Horses Before Buying'
         HOSPITAL1    - 'Two Little Kids In A Hospital'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'Guessing Baby's Weight'
......................- 'A Hermaphrodite Baby'
......................- 'Rescuing Hug'
         HOSPITAL-SUPP- 'Whyatt Cartoons - New Baby Smell'
         HUNTING-CAMP - 'South Park Goes Camping' - Video
         ITALIAN file - 'Fathers Must Support Adult Kids'
         JESUS file   - 'Kids Asked 'Where Is Jesus?''
         JOBS3 file   - 'Three Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
.........JOB-STUFF    - 'Girl Sells On The Beach'
         JUDGE file   - 'Young Driver Sues'
......................- 'Four Boys Make Trouble At Zoo'
         LAWYER2 file - 'Boy Chokes On A Quarter'
         LETTERS1 file- 'A Letter To Mom...'
         LETTERS2 file- 'Little Bobby Writes A Letter To God'
......................- 'Letter From Camp'
         LISTS file   - 'Top Ten Rejected Dr. Seuss Books'
......................- 'Kids Books That Didn't Make It'
         LOVE-SUPP    - 'Zits Cartoon'
         MAILMAN file - 'Little Johnny Catches His Parents'
         MANNERS file - 'Dear Abby - Tough Love'
         MARRIAGE1    - 'Couple Discuss Sex As A Typewriter'
         MARRIAGE2    - 'Mother Of Six'
......................- 'Mother And Dad Go Upstairs For Sex'
         MARRIAGE3    - 'Wife In Bed With Uncle Frank'
......................- 'Flying A Kite'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Johnny Sees Parents Making Love'
......................- 'Mom Finds Son's Bondage Magazine'
         MARRIAGE6    - 'Matt Gets Part In School Play'
         MATH1 file   - 'Proof Barney Is Satanic'
......................- 'Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention In Class'
......................- 'Math Problem About Birds And Ice Cream'
......................- '911 Math' - Video
         MATH6 file   - '"Math Class" (Imagined by Kids)' - Video
         MOTHERS file - 'Why Mom's Can't Do Yoga' - Video
......................- 'Kids Talk About God And Their Mother'
......................- 'Son Brings Home His Future Bride'
......................- 'What My Mother Taught Me'
         MOVIES       - 'Son Gets Part In Play'
         MOVIES-SUPP  - '41 Baby Pictures Of The Stars'
         MOVIES2-SUPP - 'Kid Metaphors - The Tonight Show w/Jay Leno' - Video
         MUSIC2 file  - 'Jimmy Fallon On Sesame Street' - Music Video
         NUDIST file  - 'Two Boys See Nude Woman'
         OTHER_ANIMALS- 'Taking Little Johnny To The Other Zoo'
         OTHER-OCCUP  - 'Baby Names Based On Occupation'
         OTHER_NATIONS- 'Five Year Old Genius Arden Hayes on Jimmy Kimmel Live'
         OTHER_SPORTS - 'Buying Your Son A Set Of Weights'
.........OTHR_SPTS-SUP- '10 Years Old Yo-Yo Champions' - Video
         PENIS1 file  - 'Mom Explaining The Facts Of Life To Daugthter'
......................- 'How To Get Babies'
.........PENIS2 file  - 'Texan Has A Baby'
......................- 'Circumcision'
......................- 'Two Boys Talk About Circumcision'
         PENIS3 file  - 'Mom Explains The Facts Of Life'
......................- 'Toast And The Penis'
         PHONE file   - 'The Difference Between Anger And Exasperation'
         PHONE-SUPP   - 'Kid Calls 911 For Help With Math' - Video
         PILOT file   - 'Take Your Child To Work Day'
         PLANE1 file  - 'Kid Asks About Baby Planes'
         PLANE2 file  - 'The General And The Screaming Kid'
......................- 'Bad Boy On Plane Meets General'
         POETRY-SUPP  - 'Go The Fuck To Sleep' Read By Samuel L Jackson
         POLICE2 file - 'K-9 Unit And The Kid'
.........POLICE-SUPP  - '6-Year-Old Crashes Car'
.........POLIT-SUPP2  - 'Donald Trump Children's Book' On Jimmy Kimmel Live
.........PREACHER file- 'Reverend Teaches Boys About Lieing'
......................- 'Three Boys Discuss Their Dad's Ability To Write'
......................- 'Minister's Son Wants To Drive The Car'
         PREGNANT file- 'Birth Of Japanese Baby'
......................- 'Bad Baby Names'
......................- 'The Midwife Show-And-Tell'
......................- 'Where Babies Come From'
......................- 'Couple Couldn't Have Baby'
......................- 'Baby Sues Over Pregnancy'
......................- 'Changes Now That The Baby Has Arrived'
......................- 'Six-Year Old's Mother Is Pregnant'
......................- 'Pregnant Lady Has A Car Accident'
         PREGNANT-SUPP- 'Coca Cola Life - Ser Padres HD' - Video
......................- 'Bill Cosby - Where Babies Come From' - Video
         PRIEST1 file - 'Unfaithful Wife's Son Wants Money'
         PRIEST2 file - 'Priest And Young Boy Talk About His Collar'
         PRIESTS3 file- 'The Priest And Turpentine'
         PSYCHOLOGIST - 'A Kid, A Dog, And A Psychologist'
         PUSSY file   - 'Little Boy Plays With Mannequin's Privates'
......................- 'What Does A Pussy Look Like?'
......................- 'Nine Year Old Buys Tampons'
......................- 'Country Doctor Delivers Baby With Kid's Help'
         RABBIT file  - 'Little Girl Buys A Rabbit'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Uncle And Nephew Say Prayers Before Bed'
         RELIGION1    - 'And We Pray'
.........RELIGION2    - 'Discussing Jonah And The Whale'
         SAILOR file  - 'Boy Wears Sailor's Hat In Restroom'
         SANTA file   - 'The Real Santa'
         SANTA2-DRAW  - 'Dear Santa Letter'
         SCHOOL1 file - 'Students Go To The Race Track'
......................- 'Third Grade Gambler'
......................- (See the whole file)
         SCHOOL2 file - 'Kindergartener's Boots'
......................- 'Famous Quotations By Fourth Graders'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'Teacher Gets To Know Kids'
......................- 'Teacher Gets To Know Kids II'
......................- 'Nursery Students Learn Of Freedom'
......................- 'Class Learns Stories With Morals'
......................- 'Little Johnny Learns About Sex In School'
......................- 'Presents "To The Teacher"'
         SCHOOL-SUPP  - 'Neighbor Follows Tim To School'
......................- 'Kissing And Telling At School'
......................- 'Little Johnny Sees Two Dogs Mating'
......................- 'Little Johnny Has A Substitute'
.........SCIENCE2     - 'Science Explained By Children'
         SEX1 file    - 'Fourteen Year Old Has First Sex'
......................- 'High Birth Rate'
         SEX3 file    - 'Sex Ed'
......................- 'Mother And Daughter Discuss Sex'
         SEX-SUPP file- 'Little Johnny Sees His Parents'
         SHIT file    - 'Calvin Obeys Mom'
......................- 'Dan Rather Talks To Little Tommy On A Plane'
         SOLDIER1 file- 'Boy Scout Troop Visits Army Base'
         SPERM file   - 'Fish Fry'
         STAR_TREK-SUP- 'Baby Sleeps With Star Wars Dolls' - Photo
         STORIES file - 'Little Girl Buys A Miracle'
         STORIES-SUPP - 'With A Piece Of Chalk...' - Video
......................- 'Jenny's Pearls'
         SUPERHEROES  - 'Boy Becomes Superman'
         TAXES file   - 'Letter To The IRS II'
         TEAR-JERKER1 - 'You Are My Sunshine'
         TEAR-JERKER2 - 'Campbell Makes Teddy Bears' - Video
......................- 'A Little Boy In New York'
......................- 'A Little Girl On The Beach'
.........TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Daddy's Pink Rose'
.........THANKSGIVING - 'Learning Dirty Words On Thanksgiving'
......................- 'Thanksgiving Dinner With The Pastor'
         THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'Daddy, May I Please Borrow $50?'
......................- 'When I Was A Kid...'
......................- 'Cost Of Raising A Child'
......................- 'The Failure List'
......................- 'Ice Cream-Good For The Soul'
......................- 'If A Child Lives With....'
......................- '35 Truths Learned From Kids'
......................- 'Important Thinks I've Learned From Kids'
......................- 'Twenty Somethings To Say To Children'
......................- '50 Ways To Make A Child Feel Special'
         THOUGHTS-LRN1- 'Lessons Throughout A Lifetime'
         THOUGHTS-LRN2- 'Things We Hope Our Grandkids Will Learn'
         THOUGHTS-SLLY- 'A Child In Need'
         THOUGHTS-WARM- 'Seven Wonders Of The World'
......................- 'My Resignation As An Adult:'
......................- 'Kids Talk To God'
......................- 'A Child Talks To God'
         THO-WARM-SUPP- 'A Little Boy, A Dog, and A Puddle' - Video
......................- 'Seven Wonders Of The World II'
         TRAIN-SUPP   - 'The Frantics - Her First Period' - Video
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Little Johnny Rides A City Bus'
         Waiter file  - 'The Little Boy And The Bowl Of Ice Cream'
         WEDDING file - 'Little Boy At A Wedding'
         WOMAN1 file  - 'Lady Looses Her Handbag'
         VASELINE file- 'Going To Mom And Dad's For The Honeymoon (Little Johnny)'

KIDS1 and 2 contains jokes
KIDS3 contains oddities, and short jokes
==========================================================Top
Subj:     People With No Kids Don't Know (S968d)
          From: Theresa Bernard Price on Facebook
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/uFQfylQ2Jgg
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.......
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.......Click 'HERE' to hear Michael McIntyre talk about kids.
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Top
Subj:     Bill Maher: Helicopter Parenting (S954d)
          Made by: Real Time with Bill Maher
          From: Bill Maher on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Rl9RK2AnXOk

 This video is from HBO's Real Time April Show with Bill Maher
 on Apr 24, 2015.  In his editorial New Rule, Bill Maher
 implores parents to embrace the concept of 'free-range
 parenting' and give their children some much-needed space.

 Click 'HERE' to watch Bill Maher be very, very funny about
 modern parenting.

Top
Subj:     Wooden Eye (S36, S606)

 There was a boy who lost his left eye in an accident.  I think
 he shot it out with a BB gun.  His parents were too poor to
 buy him a glass eye but found a doctor who could provide a
 wooden eye that was affordable.  The wood eye looked less than
 realistic and the boy was very self-conscious about it and
 consequently didn't socialize much.  The big school dance was
 coming up and his friends asked if he planned to attend.  He
 said "No I don't think so.  I would be too embarrassed because
 of my wooden eye."

 They finally reassured him that no one would pay any attention
 to his eye and convinced him to go to the dance.  At the dance
 he remained off to the side afraid to confront any of the girls
 and ask them to dance.  His friends kept encouraging him but he
 would say "I don't know what she would think about my wooden
 eye."

 After a while his friends noticed a girl across the room who
 was also shyly standing off to the side.  Looking closer they
 noticed that she wasn't unattractive but did have a serious
 harelip.  They went to their friend and said "Look!  There is
 a girl across the room with a hairlip.  She is obviously just
 as self conscious as you are and certainly won't be offended
 by your wooden eye.  Go ask her to dance."

 With some apprehension he finally worked up his courage and
 took the long walk across the dance floor and approached the
 harelipped girl.  He said "Would you like to dance with me?"

 The girl excitedly replied "Would I? Would I?"

 The boy immediately screamed back "Harelip! Harelip!"

Top
Subj:     Sesame Street: Smell Like A Monster
          From: Hawaiian Lilo on Facebook
          on 10/8/10 (S716d in Movies2)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/zkd5dJIVjgM
 Grover talks about the word "on."  Click 'HERE'
 to see this very cute remake of one of Isaiah
 Mustafa's Old Spice's commercials.

Top
Subj:     Dad Explains Politics (S13, S785)
          From: V-lewis on 97-04-29
      and From: tom on 1/23/2012

 Son:  "Dad, I have to do a special report for school; can
       I ask you a question?"

 Dad:  "Sure, son, what's the question?"

 Son:  "What is politics?"

 Dad:  "Well, let's take our home for example.  I am the
       wage earner, so let's call me Management.  Your
       mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll
       call her Government.  We take Care of you and your
       needs, so let's call you The People.  We'll call
       the maid The Working Class and your baby brother
       we'll call The Future.  Do you understand?"

 Son:  "I'm not really sure, Dad.   I'll have to think
       about it."

 That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the
 boy went to see what was wrong.  Discovering the baby
 had seriously soiled his diaper, the son went to his
 parent's room and found his mother sound asleep.  He
 then went to the maid's room where, peeking through the
 keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid.  The
 boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and
 the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back
 to sleep.

 THE NEXT MORNING:

 Son:  "Dad, now I think I understand politics."

 Dad:  "That's great, son.  Explain it to me in your
       own words."

 Son:  "Well, Dad, while Management is screwing The
       Working Class, the Government is sound asleep.
       The People are being completely ignored and
       The Future is full of SHIT!!!"

Top
Subj:     Mother Explains The Facts To Son (S32, DU)
          From: DrSwitzer on 6/3/97
.
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
 (See 'Butler's Night Off' in BUTLER-MAID
  and see 'Mom Explains The Facts Of Life To Daughter' in PENIS1
  and see 'Mom Explains The Facts Of Life' in PENIS3)
  and see 'Daddy Explains Sex To Daughter' in KIDS2

 Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his
 teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some
 difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,"
 and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with
 Johnny about this."

 After reading the note, Johnny's mother takes him quietly,
 by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

 First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse... so he
 unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

 Ok, now take off my skirt... and he takes off her skirt.

 Now take off my bra... which he does.

 And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.  When Johnny
 finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't
 wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

Top
Subj:     Tundra Comics (S969)
          Created by Chad Carpenter
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/tundracomics
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Top
Subj:     Dad Explains The Facts Of Life (S240, S615b)
          From: thebartend on 8/30/2001

 (See #149 in BLONDE3)

 A father was explaining the facts of life to his teenage
 son.  After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the
 finer points of love-making.  Their conversation went as
 follows:

 The Dad:  One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different
 women say different things during the sex act, even if you
 are doing the same thing.

 The Son:  What do you mean, Dad?

 The Dad:  Well, for example, their words will vary according
 to their occupation.  For example, a prostitute will tend to
 say, "Are you done yet?"  On the other hand, a nymphomaniac
 will ask, "Are you done already?"

 The Son:  What do other women say?

 The Dad:  Well, a school teacher will say, "We are going to
 do this over and over again until you get it right!"  A
 nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."

 The Son:  I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and
 bend over."

 The Dad:  That's male nurses.  But let's move on, a bank
 teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."

 A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose
 and breathe normally."

 The Son:  And what does mom say?

 The Dad:  She says, "Beige... beige... I think we should
 paint the ceiling beige."

Top
Subj:     Dad Explains The Facts Of Life II (S441b, DU)
          From: gayleheckman on 7/6/2005

 (See 'Mom Explains The Facts Of Life To Daughter'
  and 'How To Get Babies' in PENIS1)

 A little boy asks his father - "Daddy, how was I born?"

 Dad responds, ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to
 find out anyway!  Well, you see, your Mom and I first got
 together in a chat room on MSN.  Then I set up a date via
 e-mail with your Mom.  We met at a cyber-cafe.

 We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed
 to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready
 to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used
 a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete
 button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared
 and said:  You've got male!

Top
Subj:     Babies and Diapers (S448)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/19/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Top
Subj:     Buckwheat and Darla (S156, DU)
          From: JCary on 01/28/2000

 Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks
 Darla, "How do you spell 'dumb'?"

 Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."

 The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

 She says, "Buckwheat is dumb."

 Now spell "stupid".

 Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."

 The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

 Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

 Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat,
 spell dictate."

 Buckwheat stands and says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."

 The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

 Buckwheat responds proudly: "Ah may be dumb, an' ah may be
 stupit, but Darla say she like da way mah dictate!"

Top
Subj:     Two Kids Practice Cussing (S260b, S762)
          From: RFSlick on 1/23/2002
      and From: AFine963 on 6/28/2007

 A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

 "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about
 time we started cussing."  The 4 year old nods his head
 in approval.

 The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast,
 I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with
 ass."  The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.  When the mother
 walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants
 for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have
 some Cheerios."

 WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen
 floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with
 his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
 His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there
 until I let you out!"

 She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and
 asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast,
 young man?"

 "I don't know" he blubbers, "but you can bet your sweet ass
 it won't be Cheerios!"

Top
Subj:     Thumb Sucking (S611b)

 (Also see 'Mother And Dad Go Upstairs For Sex' in Marriage2)

 A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of
 the night.  As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in
 through the keyhole.  He watches for a moment, then continues
 on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets
 mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"

Top
Subj:     Zits Cartoon (S695b)
          by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman
          From: Judith B. Tata on Facebook on 5/6/2010
 Source: http://comicskingdom.com/zits
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Subj:     Whose Dad Is Stronger

 Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father
 could beat up whose father.  One boy said, "My father is
 better than your father."  The other kid said, "Well, my
 mother is better than your mother."  The first boy paused,
 "I guess you're right. My fathers says the same thing."

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Subj:     Couple Sends Son To Balcony (S333, S535)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: rfslick on 4/21/2007

 The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with
 their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out
 on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on
 all the neighborhood activities.

 He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
 operation:

 "There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.

 "An ambulance just drove by!"

 "Looks like the Anderson's are having company," he
 called out.

 "Matt's riding a new bike!"

 "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

 "Jason is on his skate board...."

 After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are
 having sex!!"

 Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed!

 Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are
 having sex?"

 "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

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Subj:     Boy Plays With Trains And Cusses (S167, 330b)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: RFSlick on 4/10/00

 A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen
 was listening to her son playing with his new electric train
 in the living room.  She heard the train stop and her son said,
 "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now,
 'cause this is the last stop...and all of you sons of bitches
 who are gettin' on, get your asses in the train, cause we're
 going down the tracks."

 The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use
 that kind of language in this house.  Now I want you to go to
 your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS.  When you
 come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use
 nice language."

 Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed
 playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother
 heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the
 train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
 We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a
 pleasant one.  We hope you will ride with us again soon."

 The mother hears the little boy continue, "For those of you
 just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage
 under your seat.  Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
 We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us
 today."

 As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of
 you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see
 the bitch in the kitchen."

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Subj:     Boy Plays With Trains And Cusses II (S624c,d)
          From: mauryschu on 12/23/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ugCfgzp2TG0

 Kid cusses while playing with his train set, gets punished,
 and talks more trash! Click 'HERE' to see this video version
 of an old favorite joke.

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Subj:     Johnny Wants To Marry Susie (S109, S536)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #289 on 99-03-05
      and From: AFine963 on 4/25/2007
.Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
 (See 'Two Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married' in KIDS5)

 Little Johnny and Susie Smith are only 10 years old, but they
 just know that they are in love.  One day they decide that
 they want to get married.  Johnny goes to Susie's father to
 ask him for her hand.  Johnny bravely walks up to him and says,
 "Mr. Smith, Me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for
 her hand in marriage."

 Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies,
 "Well Johnny, you are only 10.  Where will you two live?"

 Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies
 "In Susie's room.  It's bigger than mine and we can both fit
 there nicely."

 Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a
 huge grin, "Okay then how will you live?  You're not old
 enough to get a job.  You'll need to support Susie."

 Again Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Susie makes
 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.  That's about 60
 bucks a month.  That should do us just fine."

 By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has
 put so much thought into this.  So, he thinks for a moment
 trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an
 answer to.

 After a second, Mr. Smith  says, "Well Johnny, it seems like
 you have got everything all figured out.  I just have one
 more question for you.  "What will you do if the two of you
 should have little ones of your own?"

 Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been
 lucky so far."

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Subj:     A Boy And A Girl Compete (S118)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: thebartend on 5/3/99

 (Also see 'A Boy And A Girl Compete' below)

 There was once two little kids, Bobby and Susie, and they lived next
 door to each other their entire lives.  These two kids were very
 competitive of one another.  If one got a swing set, the other had
 to have a swing set and a jungle gym.  If one got 20 dollars for
 their birthday, the other had to have 25.

 This went on for quite a while. One day Susie got a new bike, and
 Bobby's parents said he didn't need to have a new one.  Meanwhile,
 Susie keeps riding past Bobby's house, trying to show off her new
 bike. Bobby goes into his house crying.  When his father asked him
 why he was crying, Bobby told his father his story. His father got
 a big grin on his face and whispered something in his ear.

 The next day, Susie is once again showing off her new bike. "Bobby,
 I got a new bike and you didn't.  I'm better than you are!" said
 Susie.  Bobby just grinned, pulled down his pants and said, "So,
 look what I've got.  This is something you'll never have!"  Knowing
 that she had been defeated, she ran home crying. She told her
 parents what Bobby had shown her and they both smiled and told her
 something that made her very happy.

 The next day, Bobby again pulls down his pants to show Susie the
 treasure he possesses.  She smiles, pulled up her skirt and revealed
 a treasure of her own.  "Oh yeah!" she started.  "My mommy and daddy
 told me that with one of these I can have as many of those as I want!!

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Subj:     A Boy And A Girl Compete II (S455)
          From: LABLaughsAdulton 10/4/2005
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 (Also see 'A Boy And A Girl Compete' above)

 You can view this cute cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.

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..............................From Smiley_Central.
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