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>>>
Subj:     Kids3 Jokes
                 (Includes 26 jokes and articles, 13996,10,cf,wXT2b3,6)

Boy with Hula Hoop from
PageWorks
Includes the following:  Zits Cartoons (S964)
.........................Every Kid's Dream Video (S902)
.........................Good Advice From Kids (S250)
.........................Andy Griffith Show - Opie's Allowance - Video (S996)
.........................Johnny Puts Tooth Paste On His Dick (DU)
.........................A Little Boy And His Dog - Video (S630)
.........................Kid Sees Mom In Shower
.........................Baby Quiz (S192, S667)
.........................Grease Babies - Video (S543)
.........................What Do Babies Think? (S125)
.........................What Is Happening With Our Kids (S123)
.........................Things I've Learned From My Children - Video (S131A, S547b)
.........................101 Ways To Praise A Child (S106)
.........................Kids' Instructions On Life (S105, S577b)
.........................Feeling Pooped - GIF (S456)
.........................Wise Advice From Children (S328, S851)
.........................Great Truths About Life From Kids (S85, S475b)
.........................If You Love Something (S44, S400)
.........................What Is Love? (S252, S435)
.........................More What Is Love? (S286c)
.........................Bible Fun
.........................How To Hug A Baby (S583b)
.........................Kids On Love And Marriage (S126, S516b)
.........................Wise Advice From Kids - Part II (S157, S851)
.........................Momma Sunday Comic Strip (S600c)
.........................The Way Children See Things! (S433b, DU)

Also see 1st Grade Proverbs is in SCHOOL2 file

KIDS1 and 2 contains jokes,
KIDS3 contains oddities,
Kids4 contains jokes and short jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     Zits Cartoons (S964)
          by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman on 7/17/2010
 Source: http://www.weeklystorybook.com/comic_strip_of_the_day
.........com/2010/07/saturday-profile-jim-borgman-of-zits.html
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Top
Subj:     Every Kid's Dream Video (S902d)
          Created by Daniel Hashimoto
          From: Paul Tate on Facebook
 Sources: (Removed from YouTube.com and Facebook.com)

 I Think this is ace! Dad (Daniel Hashimoto) who works for
 Dreamworks adds amazing cinema effects to clips of his kid.
 Click 'HERE' to see every kids dream video!

Top
Subj:     Good Advice From Kids (S250)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/12/2001

 "Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
    -Emily, age 10

 "Never let your three-year old brother in
  the same room as your school assignment."
    -Traci, age 14

 "If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
    -Naomi, age 15

 "Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
    -Lauren, age 9

Top
Subj:     Andy Griffith Show - Opie's Allowance (S996d)
          From: Lonnie Winfield on Facebook on 2/12/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/MPMbo-WyiEM
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.......
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.......Click 'HERE' to see Ron Howard was Opie on the show.
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Top
Subj:     Johnny Puts Tooth Paste On His Dick (DU)

 Did you hear about little Johnny up in his bathroom one

Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 night when his mother walker in, as she looked down at Johnny
 standing in front of the sink with tooth paste all over his
 penis, she asked him "Johnny, what in the world are you doing?"

 He relied 'Mom, I don't want to get a cavity like Suzy got!!"

Top
Subj:     A Little Boy And His Dog (S630d)
          From: darrellvip on 2/6/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/d_EZDBVuOk4

 This video of young Joshua and his loving dog, Toby,
 is absolutely wonderful.  Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Kid Sees Mom In Shower

 Little Johnny aged 3 walks into the shower where his Mum is

Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 standing naked.  He points between her legs and says "what's
 that Mummy?"

 His mother replies "That's where Daddy hit me with the axe"

 "Wow!" replied little Johnny "What a good shot - right in
 the CUNT!"

Top
Subj:     Baby Quiz (S192, S667)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 10/5/00

 (See '35 Truths Learned From Kids' in Thoughts-Kids)
  and 'Final Exams -- From Children' Thoughts-Kids
  and 'Science Explained By Children' in Science2
  and 'Bible Fun' in Kids3)

 Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
 A: No, 35 children is enough.

 Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
 A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

 Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
 A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

 Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
 A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

 Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
 A: Childbirth.

 Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often
    strangers smile at me. Why?
 A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

 Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes
    she's borderline irrational.
 A: So what's your question?

 Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman
    and a model?
 A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows
    what's good for him).

 Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
 A: Whatever she says divided by two.

 Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel
    during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
 A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called
    an air current.

 Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
 A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

 Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room
    while my wife is in labor?
 A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

 Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering
    from childbirth?
 A: Yes, pregnancy.

 Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
 A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

 Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
 A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink
    her plans to nurse.

 Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
 A: When you see teeth marks.

 Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
 A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

 Q: Our baby was born last week.  When will my wife begin to
    feel and act normal again?
 A: When the kids are in college.

Top
Subj:     Grease Babies (S543d)
          From: darrell94590 on 6/6/2007
 Source: (Removed from falarious.com)

 This musical video is a take-off on the Broadway play
 'Grease.'  It's great, don't miss it.  You can view it
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     What Do Babies Think? (S125, DU)
..........From: smiles 6/14/99

  Look Who's Thinking  - What Do Babies think?
  [From "The Dad Zone: Reports from the Tender, Bewildering,
  and Hilarious World of Fatherhood", by Michael Burkett
  (Simon and Schuster, 1993)]
 

 Due to an incredible scientific breakthrough accomplished with
 the newest and most sophisticated brain-wave analysis devices,
 it is now possible to literally read the minds of infants.

 Despite the potential "brain drain" risks reported in a recent
 Newsweek covers story (one test child was rendered so mindless
 he is now mistaken almost daily for Maury Povich), I allowed my
 seven-month-old daughter to undergo a "head read," conducted in
 her natural environment. Here are the results.

  Oooh! Look at that! I don't know what it is, but I'm
  gonna try to eat it...

  Hey! What was I doing? I forget. I hate it when that happens.
  Oooh! Look at that! I don't know what it is, but I'm gonna
  try to eat it...

  Where was I? Oh, yeah. I was gonna scale our home entertainment
  center. Now if I can just hoist myself up on this wire... Nope.
  No good. Maybe if I wrap it around my neck thusly...

  Whoooops! Hey! I'm flying! Just like Superbaby! Flying through
  the skies to save the world from total destruction! I'm flying
  into... Oh, no!

  My playpen?! WAAAAAAAAAAH! Help! Save me!
  WAAAAAAAAAH! NOT THE PLAYPEN! NOT THE...

  Oooh! Look at that! I don't know what it is, but I'm gonna try
  to eat it...

  Uh-oh. There's that rumbling noise. Maybe it's a false alarm...
  Nope! It's a mud slide! Run for your lives! WAAAAAAAAAH!

  Phew. Mom showed up just in time. I was almost buried alive...

  EEEYOW! Where you been keepin' those baby wipoes? In the
  deep-freeze? Next time, how about chippin' the ice off 'em first?

  Hey! I'm flyin' again! Wheeee! Superbaby! Flying into...my crib?
  No! No! I'm not sleepy! Really! Heck, if I was sleepy, I wouldn't
  have the energy to do this: WAAAAaaaaHHHHHHhhhhHHHH! Or, for
  that matter, this:
      WAAAAAAAaaaaaHHHHHHHaaaaaHHHHHHHaaahhhHHH! Now
      lemme outta here! Mom? Mom? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...

  Huh? Where am I? Hmmm. Still in bed. Mom must have knocked me
  unconscious and left me here, trapped like a rat. Maybe I can
  climb out. Oooh! Look at that! I don't know what it is, but
  I'm gonna try to eat it...

  Hey! There's Dad? He'll bust me outta this joint!... Hey, Dad,
  where ya going? You forgot to pick me up! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
  Ha. It worked. What a sucker.

  Hiya, Dad. You know, you'd be a pretty good-lookin' guy if you
  didn't have all that hair on your face. Here, lemme rip it off
  for you with my world-famous vise grip... Oh calm down. Lemme
  try again, using both hands... Okay! Okay! I'll just yank out
  one hair at a time... Sheesh.

  What a wimp. How about I just sink my dainty little razor-sharp
  fingernails into your face?...

  WHOOOOPS! I'm flyin' again! No! NOOOOO! Not back to the playpen!
  WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Oooh! Look at that! I don't know what it
  is, but I'm gonna try to eat it...

  Hmmmm. I'm famished, and this mystery food ain't helping. Time
  to ring the dinner bell. WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  Joy of joys. Here comes Mom with some eats. What's on the menu
  tonight, Mom? ... Wow! Strained peas! My favorite! Gimme a big
  ol' honkin' spoonful. Mmm-mmm, good!

  Say, Mom, now that my mouth is full of strained peas, wanna see
  my impression of an outboard motor? Watch this. It's great.
  PFFFFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHH! Not bad, huh?

  Hey! Where'd the peas go? And where did this bottle come from?
  I don't want no stinkin' bottle. Here, I'll demonstrate by
  throwing it on the floor. See?

  What are you doin'? Don't pick it up and give it back to me!
  Obviously, you're confused, so let's go over it one more time.
  When I throw my bottle THUSLY, it means "Ixnay on the ottlebay."
  Got that? In otherwords, more strained peas! More strained
  peas! More strained...

  Whoooooops! Superbaby is flyin' back to the living room floor!
  Well, it's about time! Let's see. What was I doing before all
  those rude interruptions? Oh, yeah. I was scaling the home
  entertainment center.  Now, where's that wire?...

  Oooh! Look at that! I don't know what it is, but I'm gonna try
  to eat it...

Top
Subj:     What Is Happening With Our Kids (S123, DU)
          From: RFSlick on 6/3/99

 Let's see...

 I think it started when Madalyn Murray O'Hair complained
 that she didn't want prayer in schools, and we said, OK.

 Then someone said you can't read the Bible in school.  The
 Bible that says you shouldn't kill, you shouldn't steal, and
 you should love your neighbor as yourself.  And we said, OK.

 Then Dr. Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when
 they misbehave because their personalities would be warped
 and their self-esteem might be damaged. And we said, OK.

 Then someone said that teachers and principals better not
 discipline our children when they misbehave. Administrators
 said no one had better touch a student when they misbehave
 because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't
 want to be sued. And we said, OK.

 Then someone said let our daughters have abortions if they
 want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we
 said, OK.

 Then someone else said, let's give our sons and daughters
 all the condoms they want so they can have all the "fun" they
 desire, and we won't have to tell their parents. And we said, OK.

 And then some of our top officials said that it doesn't
 matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs.
 And we said, OK.

 As long as I have a job and the economy is good, it doesn't
 matter what anyone does in private - it's nobody's business.

 So now we're asking ourselves why our children have no
 conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why
 it doesn't bother them to kill someone.

 If we think about it long and hard enough, we probably can
 figure it out. Could it have something to do with "reaping
 what we have sown"?

 Whoa! What a concept!

Top
Subj:     Things I've Learned From My Children (S131d, S547b)
          From: KMacinty on 8/3/99
      and From: CHRISDADDYG on 5/24/2004
 Source: http://www.onlinegamesflash.com/funnykids.html

 You can view this cute, short, video of text by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     101 Ways To Praise A Child (S106, DU)
          From: smiles on 99-02-03

  Editors Note: Help me make some of the unhappy people happy.
  Take a look at the following, i think it could be applied to
  anyone.  So go ahead, say it to a friend, a co-worker, a stranger,
  a love... say it with a smile, and say it often. Bet you, it
  returns a little more happiness your way.

       * Wow * Way To Go * Super * You're Special * Outstanding *
  Excellent * Great * Good * Neat * Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew
  You Could Do It * I'm Proud Of You * Fantastic * Super Star * Nice
  Work * Looking Good * You're On Top Of It * Beautiful * Now You're
  Flying * You're Catching On * Now You've Got It * You're Incredible *
  Bravo * You're Fantastic * Hurray For You * You're On Target *
  You're On Your Way * How Nice * How Smart * Good Job * That's
  Incredible * Hot Dog * Dynamic * You're Beautiful * You're Unique *
  Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good For You * I like You * You're A Winner *
  Remarkable Job * Beautiful Work * Spectacular * You're Spectacular *
  You're A Darling * You're Precious * Great Discovery * You've
  Discovered The Secret * You Figured It Out * Fantastic Job * Hip,
  Hip, Hurray * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You're
  Important * Phenomenal * You're Sensational * Super Work * Creative
  Job * Super Job * Fantastic Job * Exceptional Performance * You're
  A Real Trooper * You Are Responsible * You Are Exciting * You
  Learned It Right * What An Imagination * What A Good Listener *
  You Are Fun * You're Growing Up * You Tried Hard * You Care *
  Beautiful Sharing * Outstanding Performance * You're A Good Friend *
  I Trust You * You're Important * You Mean Alot To Me * You Make
  Me Happy * You Belong * You've Got A Friend * You Make Me Laugh *
  You Brighten My Day * I Respect You * You Mean The World To Me *
  That's Correct * You're A Joy * You're A Treasure * You're
  Wonderful * You're Perfect * Awesome * A Plus Job * You're The Best *
  A Big Hug * A Big Kiss * I Love You!

Top
Subj:     Kids' Instructions On Life (S105, S577b)
          From: Tom_Adams on 99-01-27

 Never trust a dog to watch your food.
    -Patrick, Age 10

 When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
    -Matthew, Age 12

 Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
    -Andrew, Age 9

 Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
    -Rocky, Age 9

 Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
    -Stephanie, Age 8

 Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    -Rosemary, Age 7

 Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower.
    -Lamar, Age 10

 Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars
    when your parents are doing taxes. -Carrol, Age 9

 Never bug a pregnant mom.
    -Nicholas, Age 11

 Don't ever be too full for dessert.
    -Kelly, Age 10

 When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?"
    don't answer him. -Heather, Age 16

 Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
    -Michael, Age 14

 Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
    -Joel, Age 12

 When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom
    when she's on the phone. -Alyesha, Age 13

 Never try to baptize a cat.
    -Laura, Age 13

 Never spit when on a roller coaster.
    -Scott, Age 11

 Never do pranks at a police station.
    -Sam, Age 10

 Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.
    -Rob, Age 10

 Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do
    what your mom told you to do. -Hank, Age 12

 Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.
    -Molly, Age 11

 Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.
    -Chelsey, Age 7

 Stay away from prunes.
    -Randy, Age 9

 Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.
    -Phillip, Age 13

 Forget the cake. Go for the icing!
    -Cynthia, Age 8

Top
Subj:     Feeling Pooped - GIF (S456)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 10/14/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 To view this animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Wise Advice From Children (S328, S851)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 5/17/2003

 "Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."
   -- Donna Maria G, age 9

 "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world
  laughs at you."  -- Rob P, age 8

 "If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better
  shopping list for it." -- Steven B, age 8

 "Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's
  Bill of Wrongs."  -- Susie F., age 7

 "Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you.  They
  have a sick sense."  -- Beau M., age 10

 "My dog had worms. I think he was going fishing."
   -- Emma B., age 4

Top
Subj:     Great Truths About Life From Kids (S85, S475b)
          From: RFSlick on 98-09-14
      and From: cappucinid on 2/21/2006

  * No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
  * When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  * If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
    They always catch the second person.
  * Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  * You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
  * Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
  * Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  * Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic Tac.
  * Never hold a DustBuster and a cat at the same time.
  * School lunches stick to the wall.
  * You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  * Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  * The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
  * God is like Hallmark Cards:  He cared to send the very best.

Top
Subj:     If You Love Something (S44, S400)
          From: ipkis on 97-11-28
      and From: LABLaughs.com on 9/16/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     What Is Love? (S252, S435)
          From: agrief on 11/27/2001
      and From: darrell94590 on 5/28/2005

 A group of professionals posed this question to a group of
 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"   The answers
 they got  were  broader and deeper than anyone could have
 imagined.  See what you think:

 "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over
 and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandfather does it
 for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.
 That's love."  Becky- age 8

 "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
 different.  You know that your name is safe in their
 mouth."  Billy - age 4

 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on
 shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
 Karl - age 5

 "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of
 your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
 Chrissy - age 6

 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
 Terri - age 4

 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she
 takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste
 is OK."  Danny - age 7

 "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get
 tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you
 talk more.  My mommy and Daddy are like that.  They look
 gross when they kiss,"  Emily - age 8

 "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you
 stop opening presents and listen,"  Bobby - age 5

 "If you want to learn to love better, you should start
 with a friend who you hate,"  Nikka - age 6

 "There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But
 God makes both kinds of them."  Jenny - age 4

 "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he
 wears it everyday."  Noelle - age 7

 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who
 are still friends even after they know  each other so well."
 Tommy - age 6

 "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I
 looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy
 waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that.  I
 wasn't scared anymore,"  Cindy - age 8

 "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone
 else kissing me to sleep at night."  Clare - Age 5

 "Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
 Elaine - age 5

 "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still
 says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."  Chris - age 8

 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you
 left him alone all day."  Mary Ann - age 4

 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all
 her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
 Lauren - age 4

 "I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she
 only picks on me because she loves me.  So I pick on my
 baby sister because I love her."  Bethany - age 4

 "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and
 little stars come out of you."  Karen - age 7

 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.
 But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.  People forget."
 Jessica - age 8

Top
Subj:     More What Is Love? (S286c)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/21/2002

 "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when
 'Sponge Bob" is on television."  -- Jill, age 6

 "Shake your hips and hope for the best."  Camille, age 9
 

Top
Subj:     Bible Fun

 (See '35 Truths Learned From Kids' in Thoughts-Kids
  and 'Final Exams -- From Children' Thoughts-Kids
  and 'Science Explained By Children' in Science2
  and 'Baby Quiz' in Kids3)

 Bible fun (it's those darned kids again...) (fwd)
    Answers given by students to test questions on the Bible.

 The first book of the Bible is Guinessis, in which Adam and
    Eve were created from an apple.

 Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

 Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and
    a ball of fire by night.

 Samson played the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

 Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients.

 Moses went to the top of Mt.Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.

 The seventh commandment is: Thou shalt not admit adultery.

 Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

 Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

 Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

 The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.

 The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

 One of the opossums was St. Matthew.

 Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Harrod's.

 Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

 David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who
    lived in Biblical times.

 A Christian should have only one wife.  This is called monotony.

 The Jews had trouble throughout their history with
    unsympathetic Genitals.

Top
Subj:     How To Hug A Baby (S583b in Dog-Supp)
          From: AllFunny.net on 3/28/2008
..........Source: (Removed from allfunny.net)

 This set of four photos is very cut.  You can view them
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Kids On Love And Marriage (S126, S516b)
          From: kate289 on 6/25/99
      and From: gordonschuk on 11/29/06

>>>WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE??

 "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to
     give her back to her parents!"  -- Eric, 6

 "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose
     to the girl.  He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole
     life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but
     you got to do one particular thing for me.'  Then she says
     yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's
     naughty or not.  She can't wait to find out."  -- Anita, 9
 

>>>HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY??

 "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails
     means you try the next one."  -- Kally, 9

 "My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll
     do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
     -- Carolyn, 8

 "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  If you like
     sports, she should like it, and she should keep the chips
     and dip coming."  -- Alan, age 10

 "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
     to marry.  God decides it all way before, and you get to find
     out later who you're stuck with."  -- Kirsten, age 10
 

>>>WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

 "Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore,
     and you can spend all your time loving each other
     in your bedroom."  -- Carolyn, 8

 "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
     -- Bert, 5

 "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER
     by then."  -- Camille, age 10

 "No age is good to get married at.  You got to be a fool to get
     married."  -- Freddie, age 6
 

>>>HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET??

 "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went
     for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing,
     because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."
     -- Lottie, 9

 "My father was doing some strange chores for my mother.  They won't
     tell me what kind."  -- Jeremy, 8
 

>>>>HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

 "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
     -- Eddie, age 6

 "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
     yelling at the same kids."  -- Derrick, age 8
 

>>>>WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

 "Both don't want no more kids."  -- Lori, age 8
 

>>>>WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

 "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
     usually gets them interested enough to go for a second
     date."  -- Martin, 10

 "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk
     about love."  -- Craig, 9

 "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get
     to know each other.  Even boys have something to say if
     you listen long enough."  -- Lynnette, age 8
 

>>>>WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

 I'd run home and play dead.  The next day I would call all
    the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all
    the dead columns.  -- Craig, age 9
 

>>>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

 "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to
     buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to
     have videos of the wedding."   -- Allan, 10

 "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing
     thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be
     willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few
     hours."  -- Kally, 9

 "When they're rich."  -- Pam, age 7

 "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
     mess with that."  -- Curt, age 7

 "The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, you should marry
     them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."
     -- Howard, age 8
 

>>>THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

 "You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan!"
     -- Kirsten, 10

 "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys
     need somebody to clean up after them!"  -- Anita, 9

 "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just
     a kid.  I don't need that kind of trouble."   -- Will, 7

 "I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing.
     I'm never going to have sex with my wife.  I don't want
     to be  all grossed out."  -- Theodore, age 8

 "Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want
     to change no diapers.  Of course, if I did get married,
     I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some
     coffee and diaper-changing."  -- Kirsten, age 10

>>>>HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

 "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't
     there?"  -- Kevin, age 8

 "You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing
     after us just the same as they do now."  -- Roberta, age 7

>>>>HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

 "If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of
     sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe
     has a few diamonds on it."  -- Lori, age 8

 "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like
     a truck."  -- Ricky, age 10
 

>>>CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

 "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else
     who has freckles too."  -- Andrew, age 6

 "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something
     to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and
     deodorant are so popular."  -- Mae, age 9

 "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or
     something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so
     painful."  -- Manuel, age 8
 

>>>ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

 "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
     -- John, age 9

 "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell,
     I don't want to do it.  It takes too long."  -- Glenn, age 7
 

>>>ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

 "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your
     family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."  -- Anita C., age 8

 "It isn't always just how you look.  Look at me.  I'm handsome
     like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
     -- Brian, age 7

 "Beauty is skin deep.  But how rich you are can last a long
     time." -- Christine, age 9
 

>>>REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE

 "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is
     pretty good too."  -- Greg, age 8
 

>>>HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

 "Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag
     their tails nearly as much."  -- Arnold, age 10

 "All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit
     together in the dark."  -- Sherm, age 8
 

>>>CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

 "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because
     they paid good money for them."  -- Gavin, age 8

 "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk
     down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
     -- John, age 9
 

>>>CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

 "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when
     'Dinosaurs' is on television."  -- Jill, age 6

 "Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
     -- Floyd, age 9

 "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it.
     I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the
     girls keep finding me."  -- Dave, age 8

 "I'm not rushing into being in love.  I'm finding fourth
     grade hard enough."  -- Regina, age 10
 

>>>THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER

 "Sensitivity don't hurt."  -- Robbie, age 8

 "One of you should know how to write a check.  Because, even
     if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot
     of bills." -- Ava, age 8
 

>>>SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

 "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
     -- Del, age 6

 "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't
     worry if their parents are right there."  -- Manuel, age 8

 "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers.  You might get
     attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
     -- Alonzo, age 9

 "One way is to take the girl out to eat.  Make sure it's
     something she likes to eat. French fries usually works
     for me."  -- Bart, age 9
 

>>>HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
   ARE IN LOVE?

 "Just see if the man picks up the check.  That's how you can
     tell if he's in love."  -- Bobby, age 9

 "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get
     cold. Other people care more about the food."  -- Bart, age 9

 "Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just
     wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just
     broke up."  -- Sarah, age 9

 "See if the man has lipstick on his face."  -- Sandra, age 7

 "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.
     They like to order those because it's just like how their
     hearts are... on fire."   -- Christine, age 9
 

>>>TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED

 "'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'"
     -- Arnold, age 10

 "'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'"
     -- Larry, age 8

 "'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'"  -- Eddie, age 6

 "'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother
     Me When I'm with My Friends.'"  -- Bob, age 9

 "'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget
     You Are One!'"  -- Will, age 7
 

>>>WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

 "The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him.  But I
     hope he showers at least once a day."  -- Michelle, age 9

 "Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they
     finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
     -- Dick, age 7
 

>>>HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?

 "I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel
     warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or
     fireplaces or even stoves in their houses."  -- Gina, age 8
 

>>>HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

 "You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
     -- Julia, age 7

 "You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get
     the best of you."  -- Brian, age 7

 "It might help to watch soap operas all day."  -- Carin, age 9
 

>>>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

 "When they're rich."  -- Pam, age 7

 "It's never okay to kiss a boy.  They always slobber all over
     you ... That's why I stopped doing it."  -- Tammy, age 10

 "If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime.  But if it's
     a new person, you have to ask permission."  -- Roger, age 6
 

>>>HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

 "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
     -- Dick, age 7

 "Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love."
     -- Erin, age 8

 "Be a good kisser.  It might make your wife forget that you
     never take out the trash."  -- Dave, age 8

 "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love
     isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."
     -- Natalie, age 8

>>>A youngster's explanation of what mixed emotions mean when love ceases...

 It's like watching the school burn down when your new catcher's
     mitt is in your desk.  -- Steven, age 11

Top
Subj:     Wise Advice From Kids - Part II (S157, S851)
          From: DR SWITZER on 02/04/2000

  1.  "Always knock after dad comes."
       -- Brian, 3

  2.  "Medicine only works if it's cherry flavored."
       --  Elissa, 9

  3.  "Good food always comes with a toy."
       --  Ryan, 6

  4.  "Just because your dog drinks from the toilet, doesn't
       mean you should."
       -- Juaquim, 7

  5.  "Don't dry the dog in the microwave."
       -- Brittany, 5

  6.  "Never ask dad about his "other" friend."
       -- Nippun, 10

  7.  "If mommy says no, then you should ask daddy."
       -- Daniel, 7

  8.  "You can't eat soup with a fork."
       -- Mel, 4

  9.  "Don't pick your nose when you're fingerpainting."
       -- Xiang, 8

 10.  "Never ask mom when she's going to go on a diet."
       -- Bob, 11

Top
Subj:     Momma Sunday Comic Strip (S600c)
          By Mell Lazarus on 7/13/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/momma/2008/07/13

 You can view this cute Sunday comic strip on kids and
 their memories by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Way Children See Things! (S433b, DU)
          From: darrell94590 on 5/10/2005

 NUDITY

 I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
 evening when  a  Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
 up and waved.  She was stark naked!  As I was reeling from
 the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
 "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

 HONESTY

 My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell
 me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.  So I fished it
 out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking
 for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
 toothbrush.  He held it up and said with a charming little
 smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell
 in the toilet a few days ago.

 OPINIONS

 On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
 a Note from his mother.  The note read, "The opinions expressed
 by this child are not necessarily those of his parents"

 KETCHUP

 A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the
 jar.  During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-
 year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister,
 Mommy," the child said to her mother.  Then she added, "Mommy
 can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
 hitting the bottle."

 MORE NUDITY

 A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
 women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst
 into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
 cover.  The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
 "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

 ELDERLY

 While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
 elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on
 my afternoon rounds.  The various appliances of old age,
 particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly
 intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
 teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
 inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
 whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

 DRESS-UP

 A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
 When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy,
 you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You
 know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

 SCHOOL

 A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
 "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't
 read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

 BIBLE

 A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated
 as he fingered through the old pages.  Suddenly, something
 fell out of the Bible.  He picked up the object and looked
 at it.  What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
 in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy
 called out." What have you got there, dear?"  With
 astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I
 think it's Adam's underwear
 

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