Subj: Kids3 Jokes
(Includes 26 jokes and articles, 26 1106,11,cL4f,wXT2b7a,6)
Boy with Hula Hoop from
Also see 1st Grade Proverbs is in SCHOOL2 file
KIDS1 and 2 contains jokes,
KIDS3 contains oddities,
Kids4 contains jokes and short jokes
Subj: Andy Griffith Show - Opie's Allowance (S996)
From: Lonnie Winfield in 2016 (d-iFrame)
.......Click 'HERE' to see Ron Howard was Opie on the show.
Subj: Good Advice From Kids (S250)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2001
"Don't pull Dad's finger when
he tells you to."
-Emily, age 10
"Never let your three-year old
the same room as your school assignment."
-Traci, age 14
"If you want a kitten, start
out by asking for a horse."
-Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good
to use as lipstick."
-Lauren, age 9
Subj: Zits Cartoons (S964)
by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman in 2010
Kid Sees Mom In Shower
Little Johnny aged 3 walks into the shower where
from Yahoo! Images
His mother replies "That's where
Daddy hit me
with the axe"
"Wow!" replied little Johnny
"What a good shot
- right in the CUNT!"
Every Kid's Dream Video
By Daniel Hashimoto
..........in 2015 (S902d-On Site)
I Think this is ace! Dad (Daniel
Hashimoto) who works for
Dreamworks adds amazing cinema effects to clips of his kid.
Click 'HERE' to see every kids dream video!
Subj: Kids' Instructions On Life (S105, S577b)
From: Tom_Adams in 1999
Never trust a dog to watch your
-Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive,
ask your grandparents.
-Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher
whose eyes and ears are twitching.
-Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
-Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll
be dressed in the morning.
-Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of
broccoli in a glass of milk.
-Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the toilet when you
dad's in the shower.
-Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs
more than five dollars
when your parents are doing taxes. -Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mom.
-Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert.
-Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks
you, "Do I look stupid?"
don't answer him. -Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mom her diet's
-Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when
she's holding a baseball bat.
-Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school,
show it to your mom
when she's on the phone. -Alyesha, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat.
-Laura, Age 13
Never spit when on a roller coaster.
-Scott, Age 11
Never do pranks at a police station.
-Sam, Age 10
Beware of cafeteria food when
it looks like it's moving.
-Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother
that you're not going to do
what your mom told you to do. -Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old
to hold your father's hand.
-Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has
lots of information.
-Chelsey, Age 7
Stay away from prunes.
-Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother
to paint the family car.
-Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake. Go for the icing!
-Cynthia, Age 8
Subj: The Babysitter By Norman Rockwell (S1106)
By Norman Rockwell in 1947
From: Margo Merritt in 2018
........Click 'HERE' to see other Rockwell paintings.
Johnny Puts Tooth Paste On His Dick (DU)
Did you hear about little Johnny up in his bathroom one
from Yahoo! Images
He relied 'Mom, I don't want to get a cavity like Suzy got!!"
A Little Boy And His Dog
..........in 2009 (S630d-iFrame)
This video of young Joshua and
his loving dog, Toby,
is absolutely wonderful. Click 'HERE' to see it.
Subj: Baby Quiz (S192, S667)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com in 2000
Truths Learned From Kids' in Thoughts-Kids)
and 'Final Exams -- From Children' Thoughts-Kids
and 'Science Explained By Children' in Science2
and 'Bible Fun' in Kids3)
Q: Should I have a baby after
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now.
When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting
is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable
method to determine a baby's sex?
Q: The more pregnant I get, the
strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant
and so moody that sometimes
she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: What's the difference between
a nine-month pregnant woman
and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows
what's good for him).
Q: How long is the average woman
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says
it's not pain I'll feel
during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called
an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have
to be in the delivery room
while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should
avoid while recovering
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: What does it mean when a baby
is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink
her plans to nurse.
Q: What is the best time to wean
the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to
feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
..........in 2007 (S543d-On Site,SWF)
This musical video is a take-off
on the Broadway play
'Grease.' It's great, don't miss it. You can view it
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: What Is Happening With Our Kids (S123, DU)
From: RFSlick in 1999
I think it started when Madalyn
Murray O'Hair complained
that she didn't want prayer in schools, and we said, OK.
Then someone said you can't read
the Bible in school. The
Bible that says you shouldn't kill, you shouldn't steal, and
you should love your neighbor as yourself. And we said, OK.
Then Dr. Spock said we shouldn't
spank our children when
they misbehave because their personalities would be warped
and their self-esteem might be damaged. And we said, OK.
Then someone said that teachers
and principals better not
discipline our children when they misbehave. Administrators
said no one had better touch a student when they misbehave
because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't
want to be sued. And we said, OK.
Then someone said let our daughters
have abortions if they
want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we
Then someone else said, let's
give our sons and daughters
all the condoms they want so they can have all the "fun" they
desire, and we won't have to tell their parents. And we said, OK.
And then some of our top officials
said that it doesn't
matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs.
And we said, OK.
As long as I have a job and the
economy is good, it doesn't
matter what anyone does in private - it's nobody's business.
So now we're asking ourselves
why our children have no
conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why
it doesn't bother them to kill someone.
If we think about it long and
hard enough, we probably can
figure it out. Could it have something to do with "reaping
what we have sown"?
Whoa! What a concept!
Things I've Learned From My Children
From: KMacinty in 1999
..........(S131d-On Site,SWF, S547b)
You can view this cute, short, video of text by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: 101 Ways To Praise A Child (S106, DU)
From: smiles in 1999
Editors Note: Help me make some
of the unhappy people happy.
Take a look at the following, i think it could be applied to
anyone. So go ahead, say it to a friend, a co-worker, a stranger,
a love... say it with a smile, and say it often. Bet you, it
returns a little more happiness your way.
* Wow * Way To Go * Super * You're Special * Outstanding *
Excellent * Great * Good * Neat * Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew
You Could Do It * I'm Proud Of You * Fantastic * Super Star * Nice
Work * Looking Good * You're On Top Of It * Beautiful * Now You're
Flying * You're Catching On * Now You've Got It * You're Incredible *
Bravo * You're Fantastic * Hurray For You * You're On Target *
You're On Your Way * How Nice * How Smart * Good Job * That's
Incredible * Hot Dog * Dynamic * You're Beautiful * You're Unique *
Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good For You * I like You * You're A Winner *
Remarkable Job * Beautiful Work * Spectacular * You're Spectacular *
You're A Darling * You're Precious * Great Discovery * You've
Discovered The Secret * You Figured It Out * Fantastic Job * Hip,
Hip, Hurray * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You're
Important * Phenomenal * You're Sensational * Super Work * Creative
Job * Super Job * Fantastic Job * Exceptional Performance * You're
A Real Trooper * You Are Responsible * You Are Exciting * You
Learned It Right * What An Imagination * What A Good Listener *
You Are Fun * You're Growing Up * You Tried Hard * You Care *
Beautiful Sharing * Outstanding Performance * You're A Good Friend *
I Trust You * You're Important * You Mean Alot To Me * You Make
Me Happy * You Belong * You've Got A Friend * You Make Me Laugh *
You Brighten My Day * I Respect You * You Mean The World To Me *
That's Correct * You're A Joy * You're A Treasure * You're
Wonderful * You're Perfect * Awesome * A Plus Job * You're The Best *
A Big Hug * A Big Kiss * I Love You!
Feeling Pooped - GIF
..........in 2005 (S456)
To view this animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Wise Advice From Children (S328, S851)
From: LABLaughs.com in 2003
"Everyone has feelings, except
for snakes and principals."
-- Donna Maria G, age 9
"Laugh and the world laughs with
you, cry and the world
laughs at you." -- Rob P, age 8
"If life gives you nothing but
lemons, make up a better
shopping list for it." -- Steven B, age 8
"Moses came down with the Ten
Amendments, which were God's
Bill of Wrongs." -- Susie F., age 7
"Doctors automatically know what's
wrong with you. They
have a sick sense." -- Beau M., age 10
"My dog had worms. I think he
was going fishing."
-- Emma B., age 4
Subj: Great Truths About Life From Kids
From: RFSlick in 1998 (S85, S475b)
* No matter how hard you try,
you can't baptize cats.
* When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.
* Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic Tac.
* Never hold a DustBuster and a cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
* The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
* God is like Hallmark Cards: He cared to send the very best.
Subj: If You Love Something (S44, S400)
From: ipkis in 1997
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Subj: What Is Love? (S252, S435)
From: agrief in 2001
A group of professionals posed
this question to a group of
4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers
they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis,
she couldn't bend over
and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it
for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.
That's love." Becky- age 8
"When someone loves you, the
way they say your name is
different. You know that your name is safe in their
mouth." Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on
perfume and a boy puts on
shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat
and give somebody most of
your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile
when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes
coffee for my daddy and she
takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste
is OK." Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the
time. Then when you get
tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you
talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look
gross when they kiss," Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with
you at Christmas if you
stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 5
"If you want to learn to love
better, you should start
with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6
"There are two kinds of love.
Our love. God's love. But
God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 4
"Love is when you tell a guy
you like his shirt, then he
wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman
and a little old man who
are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was
on a stage and scared. I
looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy
waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I
wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than
anybody. You don't see anyone
else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - Age 5
"Love is when mommy gives daddy
the best piece of chicken."
Elaine - age 5
"Love is when mommy sees daddy
smelly and sweaty and still
says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 8
"Love is when your puppy licks
your face even after you
left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves
me because she gives me all
her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"I let my big sister pick on
me because my Mom says she
only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my
baby sister because I love her." Bethany - age 4
"When you love somebody, your
eyelashes go up and down and
little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I
love you' unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
Subj: More What Is Love? (S286c)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/21/2002
"I'm in favor of love as long
as it doesn't happen when
'Sponge Bob" is on television." -- Jill, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for
the best." Camille, age 9
Subj: Bible Fun
Truths Learned From Kids' in Thoughts-Kids
and 'Final Exams -- From Children' Thoughts-Kids
and 'Science Explained By Children' in Science2
and 'Baby Quiz' in Kids3)
Bible fun (it's those darned
kids again...) (fwd)
Answers given by students to test questions on the Bible.
The first book of the Bible is
Guinessis, in which Adam and
Eve were created from an apple.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt
by day and
a ball of fire by night.
Samson played the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients.
Moses went to the top of Mt.Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.
The seventh commandment is: Thou shalt not admit adultery.
Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew.
Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Harrod's.
Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
David fought the Finkelsteins,
a race of people who
lived in Biblical times.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
The Jews had trouble throughout
their history with
How To Hug A Baby (S583b)
..........in 2008 (in Dog-Supp)
This set of four photos is very
cut. You can view them
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Kids On Love And Marriage (S126, S516b)
From: kate289 in 1999
>>>WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE??
"Marriage is when you get to
keep your girl and don't have to
give her back to her parents!" -- Eric, 6
"When somebody's been dating
for a while, the boy might propose
to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole
life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but
you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says
yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's
naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -- Anita, 9
>>>HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY??
"You flip a nickel, and heads
means you stay with him and tails
means you try the next one." -- Kally, 9
"My mother says to look for a
man who is kind....That's what I'll
do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
-- Carolyn, 8
"You got to find somebody who
likes the same stuff. If you like
sports, she should like it, and she should keep the chips
and dip coming." -- Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before
they grow up who they're going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find
out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10
>>>WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Eighty-four! Because at that
age, you don't have to work anymore,
and you can spend all your time loving each other
in your bedroom." -- Carolyn, 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten,
I'm going to find me a wife!"
-- Bert, 5
"Twenty-three is the best age
because you know the person FOREVER
by then." -- Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married
at. You got to be a fool to get
married." -- Freddie, age 6
>>>HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET??
"They were at a dance party at
a friend's house. Then they went
for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing,
because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."
-- Lottie, 9
"My father was doing some strange
chores for my mother. They won't
tell me what kind." -- Jeremy, 8
>>>>HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look
happy to talk to other people."
-- Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess, based
on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8
>>>>WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids."
-- Lori, age 8
>>>>WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
"On the first date, they just
tell each other lies, and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second
date." -- Martin, 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops
and french fries and talk
about love." -- Craig, 9
"Dates are for having fun, and
people should use them to get
to know each other. Even boys have something to say if
you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8
>>>>WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead.
The next day I would call all
the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all
the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9
>>>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl
unless you have enough bucks to
buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to
have videos of the wedding." -- Allan, 10
"Never kiss in front of other
people. It's a big embarrassing
thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be
willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few
hours." -- Kally, 9
"When they're rich." -- Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be
eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
mess with that." -- Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: if
you kiss someone, you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."
-- Howard, age 8
>>>THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
"You should ask the people who
-- Kirsten, 10
"It's better for girls to be
single but not for boys. Boys
need somebody to clean up after them!" -- Anita, 9
"It gives me a headache to think
about that stuff. I'm just
a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Will, 7
"I don't know which is better,
but I'll tell you one thing.
I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want
to be all grossed out." -- Theodore, age 8
"Single is better, for the simple
reason that I wouldn't want
to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married,
I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some
coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10
>>>>HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of
kids to explain, wouldn't
there?" -- Kevin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing
- the boys would come chasing
after us just the same as they do now." -- Roberta, age 7
>>>>HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"If you want to last with your
man, you should wear a lot of
sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe
has a few diamonds on it." -- Lori, age 8
"Tell your wife that she looks
pretty even if she looks like
a truck." -- Ricky, age 10
>>>CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles
and so he finds somebody else
who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens,
but I heard it has something
to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and
deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get
shot with an arrow or
something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so
painful." -- Manuel, age 8
>>>ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you
have to run for your life."
-- John, age 9
"If falling in love is anything
like learning how to spell,
I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
>>>ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody
who isn't already in your
family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita C., age 8
"It isn't always just how you
look. Look at me. I'm handsome
like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
-- Brian, age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But
how rich you are can last a long
time." -- Christine, age 9
>>>REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing
in the world, but baseball is
pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8
>>>HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ...
except puppy dogs don't wag
their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10
"All of a sudden, the people
get movie fever so they can sit
together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8
>>>CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They want to make sure their
rings don't fall off because
they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for
when they might have to walk
down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
-- John, age 9
>>>CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"I'm in favor of love as long
as it doesn't happen when
'Dinosaurs' is on television." -- Jill, age 6
"Love is foolish ... but I still
might try it sometime."
-- Floyd, age 9
"Love will find you, even if
you are trying to hide from it.
I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the
girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in
love. I'm finding fourth
grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10
>>>THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"Sensitivity don't hurt." -- Robbie, age 8
"One of you should know how to
write a check. Because, even
if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot
of bills." -- Ava, age 8
>>>SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole
bunch of candy stores."
-- Del, age 6
"Yell out that you love them
at the top of your lungs ... and don't
worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly,
green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
-- Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl
out to eat. Make sure it's
something she likes to eat. French fries usually works
for me." -- Bart, age 9
>>>HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING
DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up
the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love." -- Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring
at each other and their food will get
cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are
all dressed up, so if they are just
wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just
broke up." -- Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." -- Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one
of those desserts that are on fire.
They like to order those because it's just like how their
hearts are... on fire." -- Christine, age 9
>>>TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're
Always Picking Your Nose?'"
-- Arnold, age 10
"'You Are My Darling Even Though
You Also Know My Sister.'"
-- Larry, age 8
"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" -- Eddie, age 6
"'I Am in Love with You Most
of the Time, but Don't Bother
Me When I'm with My Friends.'" -- Bob, age 9
"'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls
but I'm Willing to Forget
You Are One!'" -- Will, age 7
>>>WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah,
I really do love him. But I
hope he showers at least once a day." -- Michelle, age 9
"Some lovers might be real nervous,
so they are glad that they
finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
-- Dick, age 7
>>>HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?
"I know one reason that kissing
was created. It makes you feel
warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or
fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8
>>>HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You can have a big rehearsal
with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
-- Julia, age 7
"You learn it right on the spot
when the gooshy feelings get
the best of you." -- Brian, age 7
"It might help to watch soap
operas all day." -- Carin, age 9
>>>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." -- Pam, age 7
"It's never okay to kiss a boy.
They always slobber all over
you ... That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10
"If it's your mother, you can
kiss her anytime. But if it's
a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6
>>>HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving
instead of going to work."
-- Dick, age 7
"Don't forget your wife's name
... That will mess up the love."
-- Erin, age 8
"Be a good kisser. It might
make your wife forget that you
never take out the trash." -- Dave, age 8
"Don't say you love somebody
and then change your mind ... Love
isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."
-- Natalie, age 8
>>>A youngster's explanation of what mixed emotions mean when love ceases...
It's like watching the school
burn down when your new catcher's
mitt is in your desk. -- Steven, age 11
Subj: Wise Advice From Kids - Part II (S157, S851)
From: DR SWITZER in 2000
1. "Always knock after
-- Brian, 3
2. "Medicine only works
if it's cherry flavored."
-- Elissa, 9
3. "Good food always comes
with a toy."
-- Ryan, 6
4. "Just because your
dog drinks from the toilet, doesn't
mean you should."
-- Juaquim, 7
5. "Don't dry the dog
in the microwave."
-- Brittany, 5
6. "Never ask dad about
his "other" friend."
-- Nippun, 10
7. "If mommy says no,
then you should ask daddy."
-- Daniel, 7
8. "You can't eat soup
with a fork."
-- Mel, 4
9. "Don't pick your nose
when you're fingerpainting."
-- Xiang, 8
10. "Never ask mom when
she's going to go on a diet."
-- Bob, 11
Momma Sunday Comic Strip
By Mell Lazarus
..........in 2008 (S600c)
You can view this cute Sunday
comic strip on kids and
their memories by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The Way Children See Things! (S433b, DU)
From: darrell94590 in 2005
I was driving with my three young
children one warm summer
evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from
the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming
out of the bathroom to tell
me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it
out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking
for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little
smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell
in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a
first-grader handed his teacher
a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed
by this child are not necessarily those of his parents"
A woman was trying hard to get
the ketchup to come out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-
year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister,
Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy
can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."
A little boy got lost at the
YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst
into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
While working for an organization
that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on
my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly
intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little girl was watching her
parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You
know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
A little girl had just finished
her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't
read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
A little boy opened the big family
bible. He was fascinated
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked
at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy
called out." What have you got there, dear?" With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I
think it's Adam's underwear