Subj: Kids5 Jokes
(Includes 45 jokes and articles, 09817,23,cf,md,19)
Baby with Book from
PageWorks
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Subj: Kids5 Jokes (Includes 45 jokes and articles, 09817,23,cf,md,19) |
|
Baby with Book from PageWorks |
KIDS1 and 2 contains jokes
KIDS3 contains oddities, and short
jokes
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Subj:
I Don't Like Mommy (S710)
From: ArcaMax.com on 8/23/2010 |
Click on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see this
very cute, thirty-six second
video.
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| Subj:
Brazilian Dancing Baby (S701)
From: RDobry on 6/17/2010 (in Latin Americ) Photo from
AOL Intro Screen on 6/17/10...
|
 |
This dancing baby, who hails
from the dance capital of
the universe, Brazil, grooves
an enviable samba. But
many don't believe it's real
video, including Today
show anchor Ann
Curry. After looking at the video
several times, I believe it
is real. Click on either
source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, and judge for yourself.
\\\//
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Subj:
Little Johnny And The Baby w/No Ears (S592c, S806)
From: tom on 5/21/2008 and From: redcatt on 6/17/2012 |
Little Johnnie's neighbor had
a baby. Unfortunately, the
baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came
home from the hospital, Johnnie's
family was invited over
to see the baby.
Before they left their house,
Little Johnnie's dad had a
talk with him and explained
that the baby had no ears. His
dad also told him that if he
so much mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears
or even said the word ears,
he would get the smacking of
his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib
he said, "What a beautiful
baby." The mother said,
"Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful
little feet and beautiful
little hands, a cute little
nose and really beautiful eyes.
Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we
are so thankful; the Doctor
said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz
he'd be screwed if
he needed glasses".
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Subj:
The Babysitters (S684)
From: rfslick on 2/23/2010 |
Click 'HERE'
to see this cute PowerPoint Show of babies
and their pets.
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Subj: Creationism
Vs Darwin (S651b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/16/2009
A little girl asked her mother,
"How did the human race
appear?" The mother answered,
"God made Adam and Eve
and they had children, and so
all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked
her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years
ago there were monkeys
from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to
her mother and said, "Mom,
how is it possible that you
told me the human race was
created by God, and Dad said
they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear,
it is very simple. I
told you about my side of the
family and your father told
you about his."
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| Subj:
Huggies Baby, Be Happy!! (S569b, S813)
From: Funny Video on 12/16/2007 |
 |
This Huggies' commercial is wonderful.
It is well worth
the trip to the internet at
the source above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj:
Little Johnny And The Baby W/No Ears (S592c)
From: tom on 5/21/2008 Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnnie's neighbor had
a baby. Unfortunately, the
baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came
home from the hospital, Johnnie's
family was invited over
to see the baby.
Before they left their house,
Little Johnnie's dad had a
talk with him and explained
that the baby had no ears. His
dad also told him that if he
so much mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears
or even said the word ears,
he would get the smacking of
his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib
he said, "What a beautiful
baby." The mother said,
"Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful
little feet and beautiful
little hands, a cute little
nose and really beautiful eyes.
Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we
are so thankful; the Doctor
said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz
he'd be screwed if
he needed glasses".
\\\//
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Subj: Having
Tea With Your Daughter (S584c, S759)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/2/2008
and
From: tom on 7/23/2011
One day my mother was out and
my dad was in charge of me
and my brother who is four years
older than I am. I was
maybe 1 and a half years old
and had just recovered from
an accident in which my arm
had been broken. Someone had
given me a little 'tea set'
as a get-well gift and it was
one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room
engrossed in the evening news
and my brother was playing
nearby in the living room when
I brought Daddy a little
cup of 'tea', which was just
water.
After several cups of tea and
lots of praise for such
yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the
living room to watch me bring
him a cup of tea, because
it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough,
here I come down the hall
with a cup of tea for Daddy
and she watches him drink it
up, then says, 'Did it ever
occur to you that the only
place that baby can reach to
get water is the toilet?'
\\\//
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Subj: A Child's
Prayer: (S555c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/7/2007
Dear Lord, tonight I want to
ask something special of you
... change me into a TV set.
I want to take it's place to be
able to live the life that the
TV lives in our house:
- To have a special room just for me;
- To bring together the members of my family, all around me;
- To be the center of attention,
that all want to hear
without being interrupted
or questioned;
- To have them take me seriously when I speak;
- To feel the special and immediate
care the TV receives
when it doesn't work
perfectly;
- To have the company of my father
even though he arrives
tired from work;
- To have my mom seek me out
when she's alone and bored,
instead of ignoring me;
- To have my brothers and sisters
fight amongst themselves
to be with me and to
have them all enjoy themselves with
me even though sometimes
I don't have anything to say
to them;
- To live the feeling that they
will drop everything to
spend some time at my
side. I'm not asking a lot of
you Lord - all
of this is what every TV experiences !!
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Subj:
Opus Comic Strip (S605)
By Berkeley Breathed From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/10/2008 |
This comic strip deals with being
a child during summer.
You can take this trip down
nostalgia lane by clicking 'HERE'.
You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: It's
Not Contagious, I Swear... (S537c)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/3/2007
This is for anyone that has ever
started a new job and had
teenage children at the same
time.
My first day on my new job I
find out that the reason there
was a job opening for me was
that the departmental "favorite"
had been demoted and I was given
her job. Needless to say, I
was no one's best friend.
Each day I would come into work,
no one would speak to me unless
absolutely necessary and I
watched the poor unfortunate
soul weep. I was the office
leper.
At the same time I also had a
daughter that had just turned
18 and was finishing her last
year in high school. Anyone
who has lived through teenage
girls knows' they know every-
thing and live to educate their
parents.
My daughter had complained of
a back ache for several days
so I made her an appointment
with the family doctor. Now
the child is old enough to remind
us several times a day
that she is an adult, but when
it comes to getting to the
doctor, she needs someone to
go with her!
Since there was no way I would
be granted time off, it was
decided her dad would take her.
The afternoon of the appointment
I called home to ask about
her diagnosis. What follows
is an actual conversation that
took place in a small open cubicle
office environment.
"Hi, it's mom. What did the doctor say?"
"Hi mom, he said I have syphilis."
For a moment I was too stunned
to speak... then, "He said
what?"
"I have syphilis"
"You do not!" I finally stutter.
"Well, the doctor said I did!" she argued.
"Mari, the doctor did not say
you had syphilis," I answered
her, too shocked to realize
everyone could hear me!
"Mom, why do you bother calling
me and asking me questions
if you aren't going to believe
me!!"
"Mari, you do not have syphilis!"
"Whatever, mom," another long
suffering sigh, "you know
everything!"
At this point, I'm getting frustrated
with her, with her
dad for not calling me, just
everything, and my voice
starts to rise...
"Syphilis is a sexually transmitted
disease, Mari, you do
not have it!"
"Then why did the doctor say
I did?!?!? I guess you even
know more then him!!"
As I took a breath preparing
to answer her and continue
the argument, I realized there
wasn't a sound in the entire
office. Every person was
sitting at their desks staring at
me, waiting to see who had syphilis!!
The look on their
faces was priceless.
"Mari, you do not have syphilis!"
I figured there was no going
back with my reputation in the
office, so I should at least
find out why my daughter
thought she had a sexually transmitted
disease.
"Please don't tell anyone else
that you do until I get back
with you."
"OK, mom, whatever." Click. I'm
sure she was rolling her
eyes as she hung up.
So I called the doctor's office
and spoke with the nurse.
The nurse explained to me that
although my daughter was
only a few weeks past her 18th
birthday, she couldn't
really tell me what the doctor
diagnosed.
"Well, here is what I know",
I told her, "Mari just told
me she has syphilis!"
For the next few seconds all
I heard was the nurse laughing
in the phone. Once she
had caught her breath she got out
one word...
"Scoliosis!" she said between giggles.
The whole bizarre episode managed
to somewhat break the ice
with my co-workers, but it took
another day for someone to
get past the wall of silence
to ask me about it!!!
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Subj: Two
Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married (S529)
From: darrell94590 on 3/11/2007
(See 'Johnny Wants To
Marry Susie' in KIDS1)
A six-year-old boy told his father
he wanted to marry the
little girl across the street.
The father, being modern
and well-schooled in handling
children, hid his smile behind
his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said.
"Have you thought it out
completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered.
"We can spend one week in my
room and the next in hers.
It's right across the street, so
I can run home if I get scared
of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both
have our tricycles," the little
boy answered. The boy
had an answer to every question the
father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his
dad asked, "What about babies?
When you're married, you're
liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too,"
the little boy replied.
"We're not going to have babies.
Every time she lays an egg,
I'm going to step on it!"
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Subj: Kids
As Dogs And Cats (S495b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/17/2006
I just realized that while children
are dogs ... loyal and
affectionate ... teenagers are
cats.
It's so easy to be a dog owner.
You feed it, train it, boss
it around. It puts its head
on your knee and gazes at you
as if you were a Rembrandt painting.
It bounds indoors with
enthusiasm when you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring
little puppy turns into a
big old cat. When you tell it
to come inside, it looks
amazed, as if wondering who
died and made you emperor.
Instead of dogging your doorstep,
it disappears. You
won't see it again until it
gets hungry... then it pauses
on its sprint through the kitchen
long enough to turn its
nose up at whatever you're serving.
When you reach out
to ruffle its head, in that
old affectionate gesture, it
twists away from you then gives
you a blank stare, as if
trying to remember where it
has seen you before.
You, not realizing that the dog
is now a cat, think some-
thing must be desperately wrong
with it. It seems so
antisocial, so distant, sort
of depressed. It won't go
on family outings. Since you're
the one who raised it,
taught it to fetch and stay
and sit on command, you
assume that you did something
wrong. Flooded with
guilt and fear, you redouble
your efforts to make your
pet behave.
Only now you're dealing with
a cat, so everything that
worked before now produces the
opposite of the desired
result. Call it and it
runs away. Tell it to sit and
it jumps on the counter.
The more you go toward it,
wringing your hands, the more
it moves away.
Instead of continuing to act
like a dog owner, you can
learn to behave like a cat owner.
Put a dish of food near
the door and let it come to
you. But remember that a cat
needs your help and your affection
too. Sit still and it
will come, seeking that warm,
comforting lap it has not
entirely forgotten. Be
there to open the door for it.
One day your grown-up child will
walk into the kitchen,
give you a big kiss and say,
"You've been on your feet all
day. Let me get those dishes
for you." Then you'll realize
your cat is a dog again.
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Subj: Murphy's
Laws for Parents (S467b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 12/28/2005
The tennis shoes you must replace
today will go on sale
next week.
Leak proof thermoses--will.
The chances of a piece of bread
falling with the grape jelly
side down is directly proportional
to the cost of the carpet.
The garbage truck will be two
doors past your house when the
argument over whose day it is
to take out the trash ends.
The shirt your child must wear
today will be the only one
that needs to be washed or mended.
Gym clothes left at school in
lockers mildew at a faster
rate than other clothing.
The item your child lost, and
must have for school within the
next ten seconds, will be found
in the last place you look.
Sick children recover miraculously
when the pediatrician
enters the treatment room.
Refrigerated items, used daily,
will gravitate toward the
back of the refrigerator.
Your chances of being seen by
someone you know dramatically
increase if you drive your child
to school in your robe and
curlers.
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Subj: Short
Kid Jokes
| Subj:
Herman Cartoon III (S800)
By Jim Unger From: WashingtonPost.com on 5/11/2012 |
 |
Top
Subj: Bizarro
Cartoon (S788)
By Dan Piraro
From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/20/2012
Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving/
.........comics/king_bizarro.html?name=Bizarro
.
 |
 |
Subj:
Pickles Comic Strip (S772)
By Brian Crane From: GoComics.com on 10/29/2011 |
| Subj:
Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S752)
By Charles M. Schulz From: News.Yahoo.com on 6/12/2011 |
 |
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Subj:
Zits II (S695b)
by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman From: Judith B. Tata on Facebook on 5/6/2010 |
| Subj:
Herman Cartoon II (S659b)
By Jim Unger From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/15/2009 |
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Top
Subj: Child
Talks To Elderly in Wheelchair (S612c)
From: tom on 9/28/2008
While I sat in the reception
area of my doctor's office,
a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the
room. As she went to the
receptionist's desk, the man
sat there, alone and silent.
Just as I was thinking I should
make small talk with him,
a little boy slipped off his
mother's lap and walked over
to the wheelchair. Placing
his hand on the man's, he said,
'I know how you feel.
My mom makes me ride in the stroller
too.'
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Subj:
Doodles Puzzles (S653b)
By Mac and Sack From: Creators.com on 7/12/2009 |
Top
Subj: Black
And White (S641c)
From: allenbergman on 4/24/2009
A little boy says to his mother,
"Mommy, how come I'm
black and you're white?"
His mother replied, "Don't
even go there! From what I
can remember about that party,
you're lucky you don't bark.
| Subj:
I Want To Be Like Mommy (S630)
From: gattica30 on 1/28/2009 |
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Top
Subj: Playing
Miniature Golf With Your Kids (S612)
From: tom on 9/28/2008
On a brutally humid day, I walked
past a miniature golf
course and saw a dad following
three small children
from hole to hole.
'Who's winning?' I shouted.
'I am,' said one kid.
'Me,' said another.
'No, me,' yelled the third.
Sweat dripping down his face,
the dad gasped, 'Their
mother is.'
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Subj:
Herman Cartoon (S602b)
by Jim Unger From: Comics.com on 7/25/2008 |
Top
Subj: Son
Asks About Viagra (S563c)
From: lesmiii on 10/26/2007
My 8 year old son recently asked
me, "Daddy, What's Viagra?"
Surprised, I asked, "Son, why would you ask about that?"
He replied, "Well, I heard Mommy
talking to one of her
friends, and she said Viagra
is a pill that Daddy has to
take, because he's old."
I sighed, "No, son. Viagra is
a pill that Dadddy has to
take because Mommy's old."
| Subj:
Zits Cartoon On The Generation Gap (S589c)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/30/2008 Small Zits
drawing from WashingtonPost...
|
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Top
Subj: Grandma
Puts On Make-Up (S559b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/4/2007
She was in the bathroom, putting
on her makeup, under the
watchful eyes of her young granddaughter
as she'd done
many times before. After
she applied her lipstick and
started to leave, the little
one said, "But Gramma, you
forgot to kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!"
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Subj:
Why Men Should NOT Buy Baby Clothes (S580c)
From: hellgunner50 (in Clothing) on 2/27/2008 |
Top
Subj: My Husband's
Grandma (S466b)
From: igiggle on 12/25/2005
My husband's granny is eighty-seven,
and she just got two
new hearing aids, and
cataracts removed from both eyes.
I tell her we're going to fix
her up just a little more
and then sell her.
| Subj:
The Poop Song (S576c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/15/2008 |
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Top
Subj: Losing
Your Grand Kids In The Mall (S559b)
From: darrellvip on 10/2/2007
A small boy was lost at a large
shopping mall. He
approached a uniformed policeman
and said, "I've lost
my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy hesitated for
a moment and then replied,
"Crown Royal whiskey and women
with big tits."
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Subj:
The Kiss (S529)
From: darrell94590 on 3/11/2007 |
Top
Subj: How
To Know Your Age (S558)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/24/2007
When my grandson asked me how
old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm not sure." "Look
in your underwear,
Grandma," he advised. "Mine
says I'm four to six."
| Subj:
Redneck TimeOut (S522 in Redneck-supp)
From: tnkr on 1/18/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Baby Picture - Learning To Walk (S520)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/8/2007 |
Top
Subj: How
To Make Babies (S515b)
From: darrell94590 on 11/28/2006
A second grader came home from
school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess
what? We learned how to
make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a
little surprised, tried
to keep her cool. "That's
interesting," she said,
"How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl.
"You just change 'y'
to 'i' and add 'es'"
| Subj:
Cute Baby Picture (S481b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/6/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
A Day At The Beach (S479b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/21/2006 |
Top
Subj: Baby
And Dog Training (S471)
From: igiggle on 1/23/2006
I was one of the luckier women
who came to motherhood with
some experience. I owned
a Yorkshire terrier for three
years. At ten months,
my children could stay and heel. At
a year, they could catch a Frisbee
in their teeth in midair.
At fifteen months, after weeks
of rubbing their noses in it
and putting them outside, they
were paper trained.
| Subj:
Chocolate Pipe Madness (S467b)
From: PrimaryGames.com on 12/29/2005 (in Game-Supp) |
 |
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/10/2006
(S503b)
"There are only two things a
child will share willingly --
communicable diseases and his
mother's age."
-- Benjamin Spock
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/12/07 (S521c
in tho-learn-supp2)
"To bring up a child in the
way he should go,
travel that way yourself."
-- Josh Billings
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/30/2007
(S524b)
"When you are eight years old,
nothing is any of
your business." -- Lenny
Bruce
I've learned that when it comes
to raising kids the days
are long, but the years are
short. By Veronica
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/13/2007
(S527b)
Your own children are your parent's
only true form of revenge!
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/24/2007
(S527b)
I've learned that the best way
to judge a person's character
is to observe their children.
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/11/2006 (S381b)
If you bungle raising your children,
I don't think whatever else
you do well matters very much.
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/23/2008 (S622b
in Shit)
"DIAPER spelled backward is
REPAID
-- Think about
it
From: LABLaughs.com on 9/9/2009 (S661b)
A child, like your stomach,
doesn't need all you can
afford to give it.
From: pgm2r4u on 9/7/2012 (S817)
Question on G.E.D. Test.
What is the definition
of the word BENIGN?
Answer given on test:
What a person IS,
after they BE EIGHT.
\\\//
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.............................
..Smiley
Waves from Free
Coloring Pages
.
.