.
 
>>>
Subj:     Kids5 Jokes
                 (Includes 54 jokes and articles, 21988n,23,cf,wXT2b,13)

Baby with Book from
PageWorks
Includes the following:  Whyatt Cartoon (S867)
.........................I Don't Like Mommy - Video (S710)
.........................Son Says "Goodbye" To Family Members (S07, S544)
.........................Potential Vs Reality (S116, S536)
.........................Brazilian Dancing Baby - Video (S701)
.........................Little Johnny And The Baby w/No Ears (S592c, S806)
.........................Toddler Property Laws (S53, DU)
.........................The Babysitters - PPS (S684)
.........................Son Wants Ice Cream, Mom Says No (S73, S813)
.........................Creationism Vs Darwin (S651b)
.........................Huggies Baby, Be Happy!! - Video (S569b)
.........................Little Johnny Watches Builder (S617b)
.........................Johnny Sees Mom Moaning In Bedroom
.........................Herman Cartoon III (S800)
.........................Having Tea With Your Daughter (S584c, S759)
.........................A Child's Prayer: (S555c)
.........................Opus Comic Strip (S605)
.........................It's Not Contagious, I Swear... (S537c)
.........................Two Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married (S529)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S788)
.........................Kids As Dogs And Cats (S495b)
.........................Murphy's Laws for Parents (S467b)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip (S772)
.........................Girl Asks Mother Embarrassing Questions (S45, S787)
.........................Little Boy Wants To Marry (S238b)
.........................Zits Cartoon On The Generation Gap (S589c)
.........................Short Kid Jokes
..............................Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S752)
..............................Baby In A Cage Photo From 1937 (S854)
..............................Herman Cartoon II (S659b)
..............................Child Talks To Elderly in Wheelchair (S612c)
..............................Doodles Puzzles (S653b)
..............................Black And White (S641c)
..............................I Want To Be Like Mommy (S630)
..............................Playing Miniature Golf With Your Kids (S612)
..............................Herman Cartoon (S602b)
..............................Son Asks About Viagra (S563c)
..............................Grandma Puts On Make-Up (S559b)
..............................Why Men Should NOT Buy Baby Clothes (S580c)
..............................My Husband's Grandma (S466b)
..............................The Poop Song - Video (S576c)
..............................Losing Your Grand Kids In The Mall (S559b)
..............................The Kiss (S529)
..............................How To Know Your Age (S558)
..............................Redneck TimeOut (S522)
..............................Baby Picture - Learning To Walk (S520)
..............................How To Make Babies (S515b)
..............................Cute Baby Picture (S481b)
..............................A Day At The Beach (S479b)
..............................Baby And Dog Training (S471)
..............................Chocolate Pipe Madness - Game (S467b)

KIDS1 and 2 contains jokes
KIDS3 contains oddities, and short jokes
============================================================Top
Subj:     Whyatt Cartoon (S867)
          By Australian cartoonist, Tim Whyatt
          From: AFine963 on 9/20/2013
 Source: http://tobkes.othellomaster.com/
.........archives/2013/06/09/family-life/
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Top
Subj:     I Don't Like Mommy (S710d)
          From: ArcaMax.com on 8/23/2010
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/E8aprCNnecU

 In this shore video, this cute, tired child, explains to
 his mother what she must do if he is going to like her.
 Click 'HERE' to see this very cute, thirty-six second video.

Top
Subj:     Son Says "Goodbye" To Family Members (S07, S544)
          From Kelly's Bar Jokes
      and From: jbcary1 on 6/17/2007

 A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a
 story and listened to her prayers which she ended by
 saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless
 Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.'

 The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye grandpa?'

 The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just
 seemed like the thing to do.'

 The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a
 strange coincidence.

 A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
 listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless
 Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.'

 The next day the grandmother died.  Oh my gosh, thought
 the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
 Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the
 dad heard her say: 'God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.'

 He practically went into shock.  He couldn't sleep all
 night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
 He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and
 watched the clock.

 He figured if he could get by until midnight he would
 be okay.  He felt safe in the office, so instead of
 going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking
 coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

 Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief
 and went home.  When he got home his wife said 'I've never
 seen you work so late, what's the matter?'

 He said 'I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent
 the worst day of my life.'

 She said, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never
 believe what happened to me.  This morning the milkman
 dropped dead on our porch.'

Top
Subj:     Potential Vs Reality (S116, S536)
          From: thebartend on 4/21/99
      and From: DoctorDebt on 2/13/2004

 A kid comes home from school and asks his dad to help him
 with his homework.  He has to find out the difference
 between 'potential' and 'reality'.  The kid's dad says,
 "Go ask your sister if she'll have sex with our next door
 neighbor for a million bucks!".

 "I can't ask her that!", exclaimed the kid. "Just go and
 do it!", his old man insists.

 The kid comes back a few minutes later, wide eyed, "She
 said yes dad!"   "Now, go ask your mother if she'll have
 sex with our next door neighbor for a million bucks!" "I
 can't ask Mum that!", says the kid. "Just do it!!!", replies
 the father.

 The kid disappears and returns, "She says yes!".  The father
 smiles, "Now, go and ask your brother if he'll have sex with
 our next door neighbor for a million bucks!".

 The kid asks his brother, and returns, "Geez Dad!  He said
 yes too!".

 "Well, now you see the difference son", explains his father.
 "You see, 'potentially' we have three million dollars in
 this family, but in 'reality' we have two sluts and a poofter.

Top
Subj:     Brazilian Dancing Baby (S701d)
          From: RDobry on 6/17/2010 (in Latin Americ)
Photo from AOL Intro Screen on 6/17/10...
 Source1: http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/17
........../another-dancing-baby-makes-the-rounds/
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/nbvXPF8aMhs

 This dancing baby, who hails from the dance capital of
 the universe, Brazil, grooves an enviable samba.  But
 many don't believe it's real video, including Today
 show anchor Ann Curry.  After looking at the video
 several times, I believe it is real.  Click 'HERE'
 and judge for yourself.

Top
Subj:     Little Johnny And The Baby w/No Ears (S592c, S806)
          From: tom on 5/21/2008
      and From: redcatt on 6/17/2012
 Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images

 Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.  Unfortunately, the
 baby was born without ears.  When mother and new baby came
 home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over
 to see the baby.

 Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a
 talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.  His
 dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything
 about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears,
 he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

 Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

 When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful
 baby."  The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.

 Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful
 little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.
 Can he see?"

 "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor
 said he will have 20/20 vision."

 "That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be screwed if
 he needed glasses".

Top
Subj:     Toddler Property Laws (S53, DU)
          From: Octagon999 on 98-01-25

 1. If I like it, it's mine.
 2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
 6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
 7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
 8. If I think it's mine, it's  mine.
 9. If I. . .Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed!  Instead of typing
    in the Toddler  Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill
    Gates' primary Business Plan.

Top
Subj:     The Babysitters - PPS (S684)
          From: rfslick on 2/23/2010

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute PowerPoint Show of babies
 and their pets.

Top
Subj:    Son Wants Ice Cream, Mom Says No (S73, S813)
         From: humorlist-digest V2 #155  on 98-06-24
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

 Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school.  He invades the
 fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when
 his mother enters the kitchen.

 She says, "Put that away, Johnny. You can't have ice cream
 now.  It's too close to supper time.  Go outside and play."

 Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."

 Trying to placate him, she says, "OK.  I'll play with you.
 What do you want to play?"

 He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy."  Trying not to
 register surprise, and to further appease him, she says,
 "Fine, I'll play.  What do I do?"

 Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down."

 Figuring that she can easily control the situation Mom goes
 upstairs.  Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the
 hall and opens the utility closet.  He dons his fathers old
 fishing hat.  As he starts up the stairs he notices a ciga-
 rette butt in the ashtray on the end table.  He picks it up
 and slips it in the corner of his mouth.  At the top of the
 stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

 His mother raises her head and says, "What do I do now?"

 In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your ass downstairs
 and get that kid some ice cream!"

Top
Subj:     Creationism Vs Darwin (S651b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/16/2009

 A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race
 appear?"  The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve
 and they had children, and so all mankind was made."

 Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
 The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys
 from which the human race evolved."

 The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom,
 how is it possible that you told me the human race was
 created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

 The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple.  I
 told you about my side of the family and your father told
 you about his."

Top
Subj:     Huggies Baby, Be Happy!! (S569b, S813d)
          From: Funny Video on 12/16/2007
 Source: (Removed from funnyvideo247.com)

 This Huggies' commercial is wonderful. Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Little Johnny Watches Builder (S617b)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #8
.
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
 One day, Little Johnny stayed home from school because he
 was sick.  After exhausting all the possible ways to keep
 him entertained, his mother sent him across the street to
 watch the men building a new house.

 That night, when he got home, Little Johnny's father asked
 him what he'd done all day.  Little Johnny replied, 'I
 learned a new game called building a brick wall.  Wanna
 play it with me?"

 Little Johnny's father agreed, so Little Johnny went across
 the street to the construction site and gathered up a bunch
 of bricks and brought them back.  Little Johnny and his
 father then proceeded to build a brick wall (without the
 mortar, of course) in the living room.  When it was done,
 Little Johnny stepped back, put his hands on his hips, and
 looked at the wall they'd just built.  Then he said to his
 dad, "See that bastard down there on the end? Move that
 fucker in just a cunt hair."

 "What did you say?", his father exclaimed.

 To which Johnny replied, "I said 'See that bastard down
 there on the end?  Move that fucker in just a cunt hair'."

 Little Johnny's father yelled, "That's it!  We don't allow
 that kind of language in here!  You need a whipping.  Go get
 me a switch."

 So Little Johnny said, "Fuck you, dad. That's the
 electrician's job!"

Top
Subj:     Johnny Sees Mom Moaning In Bedroom Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 Johnny comes home from school every day at 4pm on the dot.

 One afternoon when he gets home, he can't find his mother
 anywhere.  He looks thru the house and eventually finds her
 in her bedroom, covered in oil, rubbing herself and moaning
 "I want a man!  I want a man!"

 The next day when Johnny gets home, again he can't find his
 mum and she's in her room, covered in oil, rubbing herself
 and moaning "I want a man!  I want a man!"

 The following day, when Johnny get's home, he finds his mum
 in her room again, covered in oil, rubbing herself and this
 time the milkman's on top of her, humping away.  So Johnny
 thinks "Right!"

 The next day Johnny comes home a little earlier and goes
 straight to his room.  His mother, expecting him home at
 4pm, starts to worry as Johnny hasn't shown up.  She looks
 thru the house and eventually finds him in his room, covered
 in oil, rubbing himself and moaning "I want a bike!  I want
 a bike!"

Top
Subj:     Herman Cartoon III (S800)
          By Jim Unger on 5/11/2012
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2012/05/11
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Top
Subj:     Having Tea With Your Daughter (S584c, S759)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/2/2008
      and From: tom on 7/23/2011

 One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me
 and my brother who is four years older than I am.  I was
 maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from
 an accident in which my arm had been broken.  Someone had
 given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was
 one of my favorite toys.  Daddy was in the living room
 engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing
 nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little
 cup of 'tea', which was just water.

 After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such
 yummy tea, my Mom came home.  My Dad made her wait in the
 living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because
 it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

 My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall
 with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it
 up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only
 place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'

Top
Subj:     A Child's Prayer: (S555c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/7/2007

 Dear Lord, tonight I want to ask something special of you
 ... change me into a TV set.  I want to take it's place to be
 able to live the life that the TV lives in our house:

 - To have a special room just for me;

 - To bring together the members of my family, all around me;

 - To be the center of attention, that all want to hear
   without being interrupted or questioned;

 - To have them take me seriously when I speak;

 - To feel the special and immediate care the TV receives
   when it doesn't work perfectly;

 - To have the company of my father even though he arrives
   tired from work;

 - To have my mom seek me out when she's alone and bored,
   instead of ignoring me;

 - To have my brothers and sisters fight amongst themselves
   to be with me and to have  them all enjoy themselves with
   me even though sometimes I don't have anything to say
   to them;

 - To live the feeling that they will drop everything to
   spend some time at my side.   I'm not asking a lot of
   you Lord -  all of this is what every TV experiences !!

Top
Subj:     Opus Comic Strip (S605)
          By Berkeley Breathed on 8/10/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bloomcounty

 This comic strip deals with being a child during summer.
 You can take this trip down nostalgia lane by clicking 'HERE'.

 You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     It's Not Contagious, I Swear... (S537c)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/3/2007

 This is for anyone that has ever started a new job and had
 teenage children at the same time.

 My first day on my new job I find out that the reason there
 was a job opening for me was that the departmental "favorite"
 had been demoted and I was given her job. Needless to say, I
 was no one's best friend.  Each day I would come into work,
 no one would speak to me unless absolutely necessary and I
 watched the poor unfortunate soul weep. I was the office
 leper.

 At the same time I also had a daughter that had just turned
 18 and was finishing her last year in high school.  Anyone
 who has lived through teenage girls knows' they know every-
 thing and live to educate their parents.

 My daughter had complained of a back ache for several days
 so I made her an appointment with the family doctor.  Now
 the child is old enough to remind us several times a day
 that she is an adult, but when it comes to getting to the
 doctor, she needs someone to go with her!

 Since there was no way I would be granted time off, it was
 decided her dad would take her.

 The afternoon of the appointment I called home to ask about
 her diagnosis.  What follows is an actual conversation that
 took place in a small open cubicle office environment.

 "Hi, it's mom. What did the doctor say?"

 "Hi mom, he said I have syphilis."

 For a moment I was too stunned to speak... then, "He said
 what?"

 "I have syphilis"

 "You do not!"  I finally stutter.

 "Well, the doctor said I did!" she argued.

 "Mari, the doctor did not say you had syphilis," I answered
 her, too shocked to realize everyone could hear me!

 "Mom, why do you bother calling me and asking me questions
 if you aren't going to believe me!!"

 "Mari, you do not have syphilis!"

 "Whatever, mom," another long suffering sigh, "you know
 everything!"

 At this point, I'm getting frustrated with her, with her
 dad for not calling me, just everything, and my voice
 starts to rise...

 "Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease, Mari, you do
 not have it!"

 "Then why did the doctor say I did?!?!?  I guess you even
 know more then him!!"

 As I took a breath preparing to answer her and continue
 the argument, I realized there wasn't a sound in the entire
 office.  Every person was sitting at their desks staring at
 me, waiting to see who had syphilis!!  The look on their
 faces was priceless.

 "Mari, you do not have syphilis!"

 I figured there was no going back with my reputation in the
 office, so I should at least find out why my daughter
 thought she had a sexually transmitted disease.

 "Please don't tell anyone else that you do until I get back
 with you."

 "OK, mom, whatever." Click. I'm sure she was rolling her
 eyes as she hung up.

 So I called the doctor's office and spoke with the nurse.
 The nurse explained to me that although my daughter was
 only a few weeks past her 18th birthday, she couldn't
 really tell me what the doctor diagnosed.

 "Well, here is what I know", I told her, "Mari just told
 me she has syphilis!"

 For the next few seconds all I heard was the nurse laughing
 in the phone.  Once she had caught her breath she got out
 one word...

 "Scoliosis!" she said between giggles.

 The whole bizarre episode managed to somewhat break the ice
 with my co-workers, but it took another day for someone to
 get past the wall of silence to ask me about it!!!

Top
Subj:     Two Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married (S529)
          From: darrell94590 on 3/11/2007

 (See 'Johnny Wants To Marry Susie' in KIDS1)

 A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the
 little girl across the street.  The father, being modern
 and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind
 his hand.

 "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out
 completely?"

 "Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my
 room and the next in hers.  It's right across the street, so
 I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

 "How about transportation?" the father asked.

 "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little
 boy answered.  The boy had an answer to every question the
 father raised.

 Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies?
 When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

 "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.
 "We're not going to have babies.  Every time she lays an egg,
 I'm going to step on it!"

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S788)
          By Dan Piraro on 2/20/2012
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/february-20-2012/
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Top
Subj:     Kids As Dogs And Cats (S495b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/17/2006

 I just realized that while children are dogs ... loyal and
 affectionate ... teenagers are cats.

 It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss
 it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you
 as if you were a Rembrandt painting.  It bounds indoors with
 enthusiasm when you call it.

 Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a
 big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks
 amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor.
 Instead of dogging your doorstep, it disappears.  You
 won't see it again until it gets hungry... then it pauses
 on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its
 nose up at whatever you're serving.  When you reach out
 to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it
 twists away from you then gives you a blank stare, as if
 trying to remember where it has seen you before.

 You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think some-
 thing must be desperately wrong with it.  It seems so
 antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed.  It won't go
 on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it,
 taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you
 assume that you did something wrong.  Flooded with
 guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your
 pet behave.

 Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that
 worked before now produces the opposite of the desired
 result.  Call it and it runs away.  Tell it to sit and
 it jumps on the counter.  The more you go toward it,
 wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

 Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can
 learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near
 the door and let it come to you. But remember that a cat
 needs your help and your affection too. Sit still and it
 will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not
 entirely forgotten.  Be there to open the door for it.

 One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen,
 give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all
 day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize
 your cat is a dog again.

Top
Subj:     Murphy's Laws for Parents (S467b)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 12/28/2005

 The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale
 next week.

 Leak proof thermoses--will.

 The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly
 side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

 The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the
 argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.

 The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one
 that needs to be washed or mended.

 Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster
 rate than other clothing.

 The item your child lost, and must have for school within the
 next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.

 Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician
 enters the treatment room.

 Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the
 back of the refrigerator.

 Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically
 increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and
 curlers.

Top
Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip (S772)
          By Brian Crane on 10/29/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2011/10/29
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Top
Subj:     Girl Asks Mother Embarrassing Questions (S45, S787)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-12-08
      and From: darrelldre on 2/11/2012

 A little girl and her mother were out and about.  The girl,
 out of the blue, asked her mother, "How old are you?"

 The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their
 age.  You'll learn this as you get older." the girl then
 asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

 Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women
 don't talk about.  You'll learn this, too, as you grow up".

 The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then
 fires off another question, "Mommy?  Why did you and daddy
 get a divorce?"  The Mother, a little annoyed by the
 questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts
 me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

 The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped
 off at a friend's house to play.  She consults with her
 girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.  The
 girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look
 at your mother's drivers license.  It's just like a report
 card.  It tells you everything."

 Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about
 again.  The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, I know
 how old you are.  You're 32 years old."  The Mother is
 very shocked.  She asks, "Sweetheart how do you know that?"

 The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know.  And I know
 how much weigh.  You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you
 learn that?"

 The little girl says, "I just know.  And I know why you
 and daddy got a divorce."

 Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why?" Jenny replied,
 "Because it says on your drivers License that you got an
 F in sex!"

Top
Subj:     Little Boy Wants To Marry (S238b)
          From: coreymac on 8/23/2001

 A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the
 little girl across the street.  The father, being modern
 and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile
 behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said, "Have
 you thought it out completely?"

 "Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in
 my room and the next in hers.  It's right across the
 street, so I can run home if I get lonely  in the night."

 "How about transportation?" the father asked.

 "I have my wagon and we both have our tricycles,"  the
 little boy answered.

 The boy had answers to every question the father raised.
 Finally, in exasperation, the man asked, "What about
 babies?  When you're married, you're likely to have
 babies, you know."

 "We've thought about that too", the little boy replied.
 "We're not going to have babies.  Every time she lays an
 egg, I'm going to step on it."

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Subj:     Zits Cartoon On The Generation Gap (S589c)
          by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman on 4/30/2008
 Source: http://comicskingdom.com/zits
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Subj:     Short Kid Jokes
 

Top
Subj:     Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S752)
          By Charles M. Schulz
          From: News.Yahoo.com on 6/12/2011
 Source: http://news.yahoo.com/comics/peanuts
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute Peanuts Sunday comic strip
 about Linus, his blanket, and his grandmother.
 

Top
Subj:     Baby In A Cage Photo From 1937 (S854)
          From: tom on 5/25/2013
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How could parents ensure that their children were getting 
sunlight and fresh air when living in apartment buildings? 
The baby cage photo was taken in California in 1937.
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Subj:     Herman Cartoon II (S659b)
          By Jim Unger on 8/15/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2009/08/15
 This cartoon discusses nudity on TV. Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

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Subj:     Child Talks To Elderly in Wheelchair (S612c)
          From: tom on 9/28/2008
 While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office,
 a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the
 room.  As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man
 sat there, alone and silent.

 Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him,
 a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over
 to the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the man's, he said,
 'I know how you feel.  My mom makes me ride in the stroller
 too.'
 

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Subj:     Doodles Puzzles (S653b)
          By Mac and Sack on 7/12/2009
 Source: http://www.creators.com/today-comics.html
 This kid's puzzle from the Sunday comics section of
 the paper asks you find which of the thirty-four
 gophers is different.  Click 'HERE' test your skills.
 

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Subj:     Black And White (S641c)
          From: allenbergman on 4/24/2009
 A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm
 black and you're white?"

 His  mother replied, "Don't even go there!  From what I
 can remember about that party,  you're lucky you don't bark.
 

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Subj:     I Want To Be Like Mommy (S630)
          From: gattica30 on 1/28/2009
 To see and read this very funny story, click 'HERE'.

 

Top
Subj:     Playing Miniature Golf With Your Kids (S612)
          From: tom on 9/28/2008
 On a brutally humid day, I walked past a miniature golf
 course and saw a dad following three small children
 from hole to hole.

 'Who's winning?' I shouted.

 'I am,' said one kid.

 'Me,' said another.

 'No, me,' yelled the third.

 Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, 'Their
 mother is.'
 

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Subj:     Herman Cartoon (S602b)
          by Jim Unger on 7/25/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2008/07/25
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Subj:     Son Asks About Viagra (S563c)
          From: lesmiii on 10/26/2007
 My 8 year old son recently asked me, "Daddy, What's Viagra?"

 Surprised, I asked, "Son, why would you ask about that?"

 He replied, "Well, I heard Mommy talking to one of her
 friends, and she said Viagra is a pill that Daddy has to
 take, because he's old."

 I sighed, "No, son. Viagra is a pill that Dadddy has to
 take because Mommy's old."
 

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Subj:     Grandma Puts On Make-Up (S559b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/4/2007
 She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the
 watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done
 many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and
 started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you
 forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
 

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Subj:    Why Men Should NOT Buy Baby Clothes (S580c)
         From: hellgunner50 (in Clothing)
         on 2/27/2008
 These eleven baby pictures are quite cute.
 Click 'HERE' to view them.
 

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Subj:     My Husband's Grandma (S466b)
          From: igiggle on 12/25/2005
 My husband's granny is eighty-seven, and she just got two
 new hearing  aids, and cataracts removed from both eyes.
 I tell her we're going to fix her up just a little more
 and then sell her.
 

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Subj:     The Poop Song (S576c,d)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/15/2008
 Source: (Removed from toilette-humor.com)
 These baby rappers sing about dirty diapers.  It is very
 cute.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Losing Your Grand Kids In The Mall (S559b)
          From: darrellvip on 10/2/2007
 A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.  He
 approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost
 my grandpa!"

 The cop asked, "What's he like?"

 The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
 "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits."
 

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Subj:     The Kiss (S529)
          From: darrell94590 on 3/11/2007
 Would you just look at the expression on the "other"
 little girl's face!  That is absolutely priceless!
 You can view this cute photo by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     How To Know Your Age (S558)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/24/2007
 When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
 replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear,
 Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."
 

Top
Subj:     Redneck TimeOut (S522 in Redneck-supp)
          From: tnkr on 1/18/2007
 Source: (Removed from ebaumsworld.com)
 You can view this cute, amazing photo by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Baby Picture - Learning To Walk (S520)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/8/2007
..........Source: (Removed from ilovefunlife.com)
 This baby photo was so cute by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     How To Make Babies (S515b)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/28/2006
 A second grader came home from school and said to her
 grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to
 make babies today."
 The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried
 to keep her cool.  "That's interesting," she said,
 "How do you make babies?"
 "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y'
 to 'i' and add 'es'"
 

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Subj:     Cute Baby Picture (S481b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/6/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view this cute baby photo click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     A Day At The Beach (S479b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/21/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can view this cute picture by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Baby And Dog Training (S471)
          From: igiggle on 1/23/2006
 I was one of the luckier women who came to motherhood with
 some experience.  I owned a Yorkshire terrier for three
 years.  At ten months, my children could stay and heel.  At
 a year, they could catch a Frisbee in their teeth in midair.
 At fifteen months, after weeks of rubbing their noses in it
 and putting them outside, they were paper trained. 
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/10/2006 (S503b)
 "There are only two things a child will share willingly --
  communicable diseases and his mother's age."
    -- Benjamin Spock

From: LABLaughsClean on 1/12/07 (S521c in tho-learn-supp2)
 "To bring up a child in the way he should go,
  travel that way yourself." -- Josh Billings

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/30/2007 (S524b)
 "When you are eight years old, nothing is any of
  your business."  -- Lenny Bruce

 I've learned that when it comes to raising kids the days
 are long, but the years are short.  By Veronica

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/13/2007 (S527b)
 Your own children are your parent's only true form of revenge!

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/24/2007 (S527b)
 I've learned that the best way to judge a person's character
 is to observe their children.

From: LABLaughs.com on 5/11/2006 (S381b)
 If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else
 you do well matters very much.  -- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

From: LABLaughs.com on 10/23/2008 (S622b in Shit)
 "DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID
    -- Think about it

From: LABLaughs.com on 9/9/2009 (S661b)
 A child, like your stomach, doesn't need all you can
 afford to give it.


From: pgm2r4u on 9/7/2012 (S817)
 Question on G.E.D. Test.
    What is the definition of the word BENIGN?
 Answer given on test:
    What a person IS, after they BE EIGHT.
 

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