Subj:     Men Questions
                 (Includes 31 jokes and articles 23896,8,cf,md4w,5)

Walking Man from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  Tony Porter: A Call To Men - Video (S737)
.........................How To Make A Grown Man Cry (S340, S611c)
.........................Things Men Shouldn't Say At Victora's Secret (S234, DU)
.........................It's A Dad's Life - Video (S711b)
.........................What Are Two Men Thinking? (S627c)
.........................How Was Father's Day Established? (S490)
.........................Men Can Multi-Task - Video (S555)
.........................How To Get A Man's Cooperation (S469, DU)
.........................Who Needs A Man? (S325b, DU)
.........................Male Or Female? (S317, S562c)
.........................5 Toughest Questions For Men (S109, DU)
.........................Questions About Men (S25)
.........................45 Ultimate Tips For Men (S896)
.........................Short Men Questions And Thoughts
..............................Men Have Feelings Too - Sign (S821)
..............................Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S753)
..............................Why Men Wear Clothes - GIFs (S438b)
..............................Short Men Questions And Answers (S365)

Subj:     Tony Porter: A Call To Men (S737d)
          From: Wimp.com
          on 2/27/2011
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td1PbsV6B80
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/mencall/

 At TEDWomen, Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere:
 Don't "act like a man." Telling powerful stories from
 his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into
 so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat
 and abuse women and each other.  His solution: Break free
 of the "man box."  Click on either source, or 'HERE' for
 my copy, to see this video on a very important topic.

Subj:     How To Make A Grown Man Cry (S340, S611c)
          From: jerry on 7/28/2003
          (Also see '5 Toughest Questions For Men' above)

 According to Netscape news, here at the 8 questions that
 will freak men out and have them "run out the door."

 1. What are you thinking?

 2. Where is our relationship going?

 3. Do you love me?

 4. Am I fat?

 5. How many times have you had s*ex?

 6. Do you want to meet my parents?

 7. What should we do for Valentine's day?

 8. How much do you weigh?

Subj:     Things Men Shouldn't Say At Victora's Secret (S234, DU)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 7/22/01
          At: http://members.nbci.com/ipkis/scott.htm

    "The Top 10 things men should not
     say out loud in Victoria's Secret."

 10. Does this come in children's sizes?
  9. No thanks. Just sniffing.
  8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
  7. Mom will love this.
  6. Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
  5. No need to wrap it. I'll eat it here.
  4. Will you model this for me??
  3. The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
  2. Forty-Five bucks? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!

 And the number 1 thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say
 out loud in Victoria's Secret:

  1. Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that!

Subj:     It's A Dad's Life (S711b,d)
          From: CKButch4Femme
          on 8/28/2010
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGE1tqyyiRQ

 "It's A Dad Life" rap video, yeah, this is how I roll.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to
 see this cute video.

Subj:     What Are Two Men Thinking? (S627c)
          From: darrellvip on 1/16/2009

 At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on
 opposite sides of the earth.  One is walking a tight rope
 between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.

 The other is getting a blow job from an 85-year-old toothless
 woman.  They are both thinking the exact same thing..........
 What are they both thinking?

Finger pointing down
from darrell94590 on 1/2/2006

Don 't look down.
Don 't look down.
Don 't look down.

Subj:    How Was Father's Day Established? (S490)
         From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 6/16/2006

 Contrary to popular belief, Father's Day was not established
 by Hallmark, American Greetings and other to grow the card
 business.  In fact there were no Father's Day cards when the
 holiday was contemplated.

 Mrs. John Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a
 "father's day" in 1909.  Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to
 honor her father, William Smart.  William Smart, a Civil War
 veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died
 in childbirth with their sixth child.  Mr. Smart was left to
 raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on
 a rural farm in eastern Washington State.  It was after Mrs.
 Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and self-
 lessness her father had shown in raising his children as a
 single parent.

 The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in
 Spokane Washington.  At about the same time in various towns
 and cities across American other people were beginning to
 celebrate a "father's day."  In 1924 President Calvin
 Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day.
 Finally in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential
 proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day.

 Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father,
 but all men who act as a father figure.  Stepfathers, uncles,
 grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on
 Father's Day.

Subj:     Men Can Multi-Task (S555)
          From: rfslick
          on 9/1/2007 (in bathroom-supp)

 This short men's room video is very funny.  You
 can see it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     How To Get A Man's Cooperation (S469, DU)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/13/2006

 Always remember these six important rules when asking
 a man to do something:

 1. Make sure the man is conscious.

 2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the
    bird cage with the sports section.

 3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three
    hours, max.

 4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook
    him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover.

 5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave
    his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4
    turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.

 6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd
    better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt."

Subj:     Who Needs A Man? (S325b, DU)
          From: Cypriot on 4/18/03

 If you want someone who will do anything to please you,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper
 without tearing through it first for the sports page,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself
 because he's so glad to see you,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of
 him and never says his mother made it better,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time
 you ask and anywhere you want to go,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving
 a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbours,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't
 care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic
 movies with you as long as you want,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and
 keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he
 slobbers and snores,
  ... get a dog.

 If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do,
 doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every
 word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves
 you unconditionally all the time,
  ... get a dog.

 On the other hand ...

 If you want someone who never comes when you call him,
 totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair
 all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all
 night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts
 as though you are there only to see that HE's happy ...


  ... get a CAT!

Subj:     Male Or Female? (S317, S562c)
          From: gheckman on 2/28/2003
      and From: ginafm on 10/29/2007
GIF from Blaufalkes Bonepage
           Also see 'If English Words Had Gender' in ENGLISH)

 Male or Female?  You might not have known this, but a lot of
 non-living objects are actually either male or female.  To
 test your male-female intuition on my web site, click 'HERE'.

Subj:     5 Toughest Questions For Men (S109, DU)
          From: Tom_Adams on 99-03-05
          (Also see 'How To Make A Grown Man Cry' below)

 There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy,
 according to an article in last April's issue of Sassy magazine.

 The five questions are:
 1 -  "What are you thinking?"
 2 -  "Do you love me?"
 3 -  "Do I look fat?"
 4 -  "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
 5 -  "What would you do if I died?"

 What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed
 to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does
 not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.  For example:

 1 -  "What are you thinking?"  The proper answer to this question,
 of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.  I was just
 reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent,
 beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."

 Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what
 the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one
 of five things:
 a -  Baseball
 b -  Football
 c -  How fat you are.
 d -  How much prettier she is than you.
 e -  How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

 According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid
 question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was
 asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said,
 "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

 The other questions also have only one right answer but many
 wrong answers:

 2 -  "Do you love me?"  The correct answer to this question is,
 "Yes."  For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate,
 you may answer, "Yes, dear."

 Wrong answers include:
 a -  I suppose so.
 b -  Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
 c -  That depends on what you mean by "love".
 d -  Does it matter?
 e -  Who, me?

 3 -  "Do I look fat?"  The correct male response to this question
 is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not"
 and then quickly leave the room.  Wrong answers include:

 a -  I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
 b -  Compared to what?
 c -  A little extra weight looks good on you.
 d -  I've seen fatter.
 e -  Could you repeat the questiont pretty in a different way.

 4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the
 question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring
 at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident, or an actress
 in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is:
 "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

 a -  Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
 b -  I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
 c -  Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
 d -  Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
 e -  Could you repeat the question?  I was thinking about your insurance

 5 -  "What would you do if I died?"  Correct answer:  "Dearest love,
 in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have
 meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front
 tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."  This
 might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by
 the following stupid joke:

 "Dear," said the wife.  "What would you do if I died?"
 "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.  "Why
  do you ask such a question?"
 "Would you remarry?"  persevered the wife.
 "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
 "Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
 "Of course I do, dear" he said.
 "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
 "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
 "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
 "Yes" said the husband.
 "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife
  after a long pause.
 "Well yes, I suppose I would."  replied the husband.
 "I see," said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear
  my old clothes?
 "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
 "Really," said the wife icily.  "And would you take down the
  pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
 "Yes.  I think that would be the correct thing to do."
 "Is that so?"  said the wife, leaping to her feet.  "And I
  suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
 "Of course not, dear," said the husband.  "She's left-handed."

Subj:     Questions About Men (S25)
          From: ipkis on 97-07-09

 Why are men such jerks?
 It's a testosterone thing.  Much similar to your PMS thing,
 we men suffer from testosterone poisoning.  Why do you think
 the average life- span of a male is typically 10 years shorter
 (and it's not just from  all the bitching and nagging we have
 to endure)?  Hormone modifies behavior.  We're just
 Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
 Again, this is a testosterone thing.  Do you honestly think
 that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the
 moment we met you?  Besides, women do it as well.  Women are
 just much better at not getting caught.  I'm fairly certain
 it's some sort of photographic memory deal.   Women take one
 quick look and memorize it for later reference.  Since  men
 lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by
 staring as  much as we can.
 Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
 We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make
 him happy.  It's much like adjusting your bra.  Being in
 public is just an added bonus.
 Why do men always say such stupid things?
 We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our
 partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
 Why are men so uncommunicative?
 You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time
 you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
 Why do men have to act like such retards?
 Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy
 it.  It's the  old fashioned pride in a job well done that
 is missing in so much of the world nowadays.
 Why can't men just share their feelings?
 Do we look like women to you?  Why is it so hard to under-
 stand that men and women are different?  How are we
 supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we
 feel?  Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like
 rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no
 idea how we feel.  Personally, I get a headache whenever
 I try to figure out how I feel.
 Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?
 Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day?
 We oblige you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides
 women) can stand lying around for hours on end?  We men...
 Men hunters...Need go roam...Starve  in cave...Must go
 find wildebeest...Now sitting on our asses for hours on
 end on the other hand is a whole other story.
 How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
 Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed
 by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods
 of time without getting tired.  In prehistoric times, it
 was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods
 of time while hunting for prey.  The more successful
 hunters were able to sit very still for very extended
 periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their
 progeny.  The figgidy types  were all gobbled up by saber
 toothed tigers, etcetera.  The end result is that almost
 all modern men are born with this innate ability.
 Why can't men just say "I love you?"
 Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-
 sufficient.  To say that we love you is equivalent to
 saying that we need you.  Most men  consider that a
 character fault.  It's not easy to admit to one's own
 character faults.
 Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
 Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special?  Well, some men think
 it's a sure fire way to get into your pants.  Surprisingly,
 it actually still works  quite well.
 What does it mean when men say "I Love You?
 1 Please sleep with me.
 2 I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
 3 I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
 4 Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
 5 What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
 6 Stop nagging me.
 7 What do I have to do to get a beer around here?
 Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
 We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single
 one of your questions.  If we think we do not have the
 answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply
 remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
 Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
 Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much.
 Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
 What's with all the belching and farting?
 This usually only occurs after months of courting.  It's
 our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you.
 Believe it or not, it's actu- ally a sign of affection.
 Besides, holding it for extended periods of  time gives
 us stomach cramps.
 Why do men hate shopping?
 It's an evolutionary thing.  Men hunt.  Women gather.
 We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back.  Who
 wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have
 no intention of killing. err... Buying?
 Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
 Have you ever seen one of us pee?  The proper position
 of the toilet seat is up.  Mathematically speaking, the
 proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the
 time spent peeing over the time spent sitting.   The
 closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition.
 Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat.
 Why would we care if we pee all over the seat.  You're the
 ones that have to sit on  it.  You should appreciate the
 fact that we actually lift the darn thing.  We aim to
 Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
 Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde
 bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone)
 with.  They like having fun and doing exciting things.
 They don't walk around with the weight of  the world
 on their shoulders.  They don't ever give us a hard time
 for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of
 our jokes (even the  ones they don't get).  What more
 could any of us males ask for?
 Why do men act like they own the remote control?
 What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths of
 the law.  Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to
 be entrusted to just anyone.  I believe the only fair way
 to decide who gets the remote  control is to arm wrestle
 for it.
 Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two
 seconds?  Are you kidding?  What if there is something
 good on the next channel?  We could miss it if we stay
 on one channel for too long. (See also: Why do men fear
 Why do men fear commitment?
 Don't be so surprised.  Yes; most of us do know what
 'commitment' means and can spell it correctly.  It's
 like an automobile. No matter how good you think this
 year's model is, they're always coming out with newer,
 faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models.  We simply
 cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see.
 We must browse around a bit and test drive a few.  Who
 wants to end up with a lemon?  At least with a  car,
 there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a
 classic.  It simply makes much more sense to lease and
 upgrade to the younger...err ...I mean newer models
 every couple of years. Some of them come with fun
 extras like dual air bags.
 What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready
 for a relationship right now" or "I don't want a girl
 It means that we like you enough to sleep with you,
 but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.
 What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
 Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment
 is physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may
 be thick enough to provide adequate protection.
 Do all men really masturbate?
 Yes.  It is genetically inherited behavior.  It's been
 passed on from our most primal forefathers, and it'll
 be passed on to our sons.
 Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?
 Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity,
 nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really
 Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial
 coordinate motor coordination?
 It is like with all things. Practice... Practice...
 Practice... (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)
 Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
 As opposed to what? Really ugly women?

Subj:     45 Ultimate Tips For Men (S896d)
          From: RDobry on 3/20/2014
Drawing from LunyLuna...
 Source: http://www.tickld.com/x/45-man-tips

 Your father probably told you a few things, but just
 in case he wasn't around enough, here are some words
 of wisdom you might have missed.  Tips 24 and 33
 were my two favorites.  Click on the above source, or
 'HERE' for my copy, to see this great list of tips.

Subj:     Short Men Questions And Thoughts

Drawing from lubin100 on 10/2/2012
Subj:     Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S753 in Barber)
          By Charles M. Schulz
          From: News.Yahoo.com on 6/19/2011
 Source: http://news.yahoo.com/comics/peanuts
 Click 'HERE' to see this Peanuts Sunday comic strip
 about Charlie Brown's father, a barber.

Subj:     Why Men Wear Clothes (S438b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 6/17/2005
 Sources: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20000516
      to: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20000521
 To view the six animated GIFs 'Why Men Wear Clothes', you can
 go the sources above, or my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Short Men Questions And Answers (S365)
          From: DoctorDebt on 1/21/2004
 Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
 A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

 Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
 A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
    will probably never be able to support you.

 Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
 A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
    to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

 Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
 A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

 Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
 A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

 Q: Why do men break wind more than women?
 A: Because women can't shut up long enough to
    build up the required pressure.

 Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
    is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
 A: The dog, of course.  He'll shut up once you let him in.

 Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
 A: A woman who won't do what she's told.
 I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
 Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
 sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding cake.
 Why do men die before their wives?
 They want to. Or they are driven to it.
 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
 the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
 they are sexy.
 In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
 Then God created Man and rested.  Then God created Woman.
 Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
 Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select
 few women who can handle the truth...

                           -(o o)-
..............................From Smiley_Central.