(Includes 30 jokes and articles 03821,7,cf,md2,4)
Walking Man from
AGAG Animation Gallery
| Subj:
Men Questions
(Includes 30 jokes and articles 03821,7,cf,md2,4) |
|
Walking Man from AGAG Animation Gallery |
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| Subj:
Tony Porter: A Call To Men (S737d)
From: Wimp.com on 2/27/2011 |
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At TEDWomen,
Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere:
Don't "act like a man." Telling
powerful stories from
his own life, he shows how this
mentality, drummed into
so many men and boys, can lead
men to disrespect, mistreat
and abuse women and each other.
His solution: Break free
of the "man box." Click
on either source, or 'HERE' for
my copy, to see this video on
a very important topic.
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Subj: How
To Make A Grown Man Cry (S340, S611c)
From: jerry on 7/28/2003
(Also see '5
Toughest Questions For Men' above)
According to Netscape news, here
at the 8 questions that
will freak men out and have
them "run out the door."
1. What are you thinking?
2. Where is our relationship going?
3. Do you love me?
4. Am I fat?
5. How many times have you had s*ex?
6. Do you want to meet my parents?
7. What should we do for Valentine's day?
8. How much do you weigh?
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Subj: Things
Men Shouldn't Say At Victora's Secret (S234, DU)
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 7/22/01
At: http://members.nbci.com/ipkis/scott.htm
"The Top 10 things
men should not
say out loud
in Victoria's Secret."
10. Does this come in children's
sizes?
9. No thanks. Just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing
room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Oh the size won't matter.
She's inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it. I'll
eat it here.
4. Will you model this for
me??
3. The Miracle What??? This
is better than world peace!!
2. Forty-Five bucks? You're
just gonna end up NAKED anyway!
And the number 1 thing that a
man should NEVER, EVER say
out loud in Victoria's Secret:
1. Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that!
\\\//
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Subj:
It's A Dad's Life (S711b,d)
From: CKButch4Femme on 8/28/2010 |
"It's A Dad Life" rap video,
yeah, this is how I roll.
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to
see this cute video.
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Subj: What
Are Two Men Thinking? (S627c)
From: darrellvip on 1/16/2009
At the exact same time, there
are two 35-year-old men on
opposite sides of the earth.
One is walking a tight rope
between two skyscrapers at the
85th floor.
The other is getting a blow job
from an 85-year-old toothless
woman. They are both thinking
the exact same thing..........
What are they both thinking?
.
 |
Finger pointing down
from darrell94590 on 1/2/2006 |
Don 't look down.
Don 't look down.
Don 't look down.
\\\//
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Subj: How Was Father's
Day Established? (S490)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 6/16/2006
Contrary to popular belief, Father's
Day was not established
by Hallmark, American Greetings
and other to grow the card
business. In fact there
were no Father's Day cards when the
holiday was contemplated.
Mrs. John Dodd, of Washington,
first proposed the idea of a
"father's day" in 1909.
Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to
honor her father, William Smart.
William Smart, a Civil War
veteran, was widowed when his
wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died
in childbirth with their sixth
child. Mr. Smart was left to
raise the newborn and his other
five children by himself on
a rural farm in eastern Washington
State. It was after Mrs.
Dodd became an adult that she
realized the strength and self-
lessness her father had shown
in raising his children as a
single parent.
The first Father's Day was observed
on June 19, 1910 in
Spokane Washington. At
about the same time in various towns
and cities across American other
people were beginning to
celebrate a "father's day."
In 1924 President Calvin
Coolidge supported the idea
of a national Father's Day.
Finally in 1966 President Lyndon
Johnson signed a presidential
proclamation declaring the 3rd
Sunday of June as Father's Day.
Father's Day has become a day
to not only honor your father,
but all men who act as a father
figure. Stepfathers, uncles,
grandfathers, and adult male
friends are all honored on
Father's Day.
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| Subj:
Men Can Multi-Task (S555)
From: rfslick on 9/1/2007 (in bathroom-supp) |
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This short men's room movie is
very funny. You
can see it on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: How
To Get A Man's Cooperation (S469, DU)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/13/2006
Always remember these six important
rules when asking
a man to do something:
1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his
computer and line the
bird cage with
the sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging
harangue to two, three
hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative
behavior. Offer to cook
him something that
doesn't have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses
to cooperate. Microwave
his remote on high
power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4
turn, and microwave
again for another 35 minutes.
6. Use "would you" or "will you"
instead of "you'd
better" or "do
as I say and no one will get hurt."
\\\//
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Subj: Who
Needs A Man? (S325b, DU)
From: Cypriot on 4/18/03
If you want someone who will
do anything to please you,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who will
bring you the newspaper
without tearing through it first
for the sports page,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who'll make
a total fool of himself
because he's so glad to see
you,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who eats
whatever you put in front of
him and never says his mother
made it better,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who's always
eager to go out any time
you ask and anywhere you want
to go,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who can scare
away burglars without waving
a lethal weapon around, endangering
you and all the neighbours,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who never
touches the remote, couldn't
care less about Monday Night
Football, and watches dramatic
movies with you as long as you
want,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who'll be
content just to snuggle up and
keep you warm in bed, and who
you can kick out of bed if he
slobbers and snores,
... get a dog.
If you want someone who never
criticizes anything you do,
doesn't care how good or bad
you look, acts as though every
word you say is worth hearing,
never complains, and loves
you unconditionally all the
time,
... get a dog.
On the other hand ...
If you want someone who never
comes when you call him,
totally ignores you when you
walk in the room, leaves hair
all over the place, walks all
over you, prowls around all
night and come home only to
eat and sleep all day, and acts
as though you are there only
to see that HE's happy ...
...
... get a CAT!
\\\//
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Subj:
Male Or Female? (S317, S562c)
From: gheckman on 2/28/2003 and From: ginafm on 10/29/2007 GIF from Blaufalkes Bonepage |
Male or Female? You might
not have known this, but a lot of
non-living objects are actually
either male or female. To
test your male-female intuition
on my web site, click 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: 5 Toughest
Questions For Men (S109, DU)
From: Tom_Adams on 99-03-05
(Also see 'How
To Make A Grown Man Cry' below)
There are five things that women
should never, ever ask a guy, according
to an article in last April's
issue of Sassy magazine.
The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she
is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do
if I died?"
What makes these questions so
bad is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument
and/or divorce if the man does not answer
properly, which is to say dishonestly.
For example:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of
course is, "I'm sorry if I've
been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting
on what a warm, wonderful, caring,
thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful
woman you are and what a lucky
guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears
no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy
was really thinking at the time,
which was most likely one of five things:
a - Baseball
b - Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier
she is than you.
e - How he would spend
the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article,
the best answer to this stupid question
came from Al Bundy, of Married
With Children, who was asked it by his
wife, Peg. "If I wanted you
to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of
thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2 - "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For
those guys who feel the need
to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes,
dear.
Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you
feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what
you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
3 - "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to
confidently and emphatically
state, "No, of course not" and then quickly
leave the room. Wrong
answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you
fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight
looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the
questiont pretty in a different way.
4 - "Do you think she's prettier
than me?" The "she" in the question could
be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by
you were staring at so hard that you
almost cause a traffic accident,
or an actress in a movie you just saw. In
any case, the correct response
is: "No, you are much prettier." Wrong
answers include:
a - Not prettier, just
pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one
goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you
have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense
that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the
question? I was thinking about your insurance
policy.
5 - "What would you do
if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in
the event of your untimely demise,
life would cease to have meaning for
me and I would perforce hurl
myself under the front tires of the first
Domino's Pizza truck that came
my way." This might be the stupidest
question of the lot, as is illustrated
by the following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife.
"What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely
upset," said the husband. "Why do you
ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered
the wife.
"No, of couse not, dear" said
the husband.
"Don't you like being married?"
said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband,
"I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife,
looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in
our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would."
replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly."And
would you let her wear my old
clothes?
"I suppose, if she wanted to"
said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily.
"And would you take down the pictures of
me and replace them with pictures
of her?"
"Yes. I think that would
be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the
wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd
let her play with my golf clubs,
too."
"Of course not, dear," said
the husband. "She's left-handed."
\\\//
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Subj: Questions
About Men (S25)
From: ipkis on 97-07-09
Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing.
Much similar to your PMS thing,
we men suffer from testosterone
poisoning. Why do you think
the average life- span of a
male is typically 10 years shorter
(and it's not just from
all the bitching and nagging we have
to endure)? Hormone modifies
behavior. We're just
misunderstood.
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Why do men always have to ogle
at other women?
Again, this is a testosterone
thing. Do you honestly think
that all the testosterone just
fell out of our bodies the
moment we met you? Besides,
women do it as well. Women are
just much better at not getting
caught. I'm fairly certain
it's some sort of photographic
memory deal. Women take one
quick look and memorize it for
later reference. Since men
lack this ability, we try to
burn it into our memory by
staring as much as we
can.
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Why do men always touch themselves,
especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust
our little friend and make
him happy. It's much like
adjusting your bra. Being in
public is just an added bonus.
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Why do men always say such stupid
things?
We like to. It's actually a
whole lot of fun to see our
partner frustrated by a few
simple (and well chosen) words.
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Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big
mouth shut too if every time
you open it you get into trouble
with your partner.
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Why do men have to act like
such retards?
Well, we don't actually have
to; we do it because we enjoy
it. It's the old
fashioned pride in a job well done that
is missing in so much of the
world nowadays.
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Why can't men just share their
feelings?
Do we look like women to you?
Why is it so hard to under-
stand that men and women are
different? How are we
supposed to share how we feel
when we have no idea how we
feel? Unless we're experiencing
some extreme emotion like
rage, hatred, disgust, or a
brick on our foot, we have no
idea how we feel. Personally,
I get a headache whenever
I try to figure out how I feel.
------------------------------------------------------
Why can't men cuddle more (i.e.
lie down and hug)?
Please... How many hours do
you think there is in a day?
We oblige you as much as we
can, but who the heck (besides
women) can stand lying around
for hours on end? We men...
Men hunters...Need go roam...Starve
in cave...Must go
find wildebeest...Now sitting
on our asses for hours on
end on the other hand is a whole
other story.
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How can men sit on their asses
all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets
of sitting muscles developed
by evolution that enable us
to sit for extended periods
of time without getting tired.
In prehistoric times, it
was often necessary to sit in
one spot for extended periods
of time while hunting for prey.
The more successful
hunters were able to sit very
still for very extended
periods of time thereby passing
on this ability to their
progeny. The figgidy types
were all gobbled up by saber
toothed tigers, etcetera.
The end result is that almost
all modern men are born with
this innate ability.
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Why can't men just say "I love
you?"
Men are taught from a tender
young age to be self-
sufficient. To say that
we love you is equivalent to
saying that we need you.
Most men consider that a
character fault. It's
not easy to admit to one's own
character faults.
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Why do men say "I love you"
when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special?
Well, some men think
it's a sure fire way to get
into your pants. Surprisingly,
it actually still works
quite well.
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What does it mean when men say
"I Love You?
1 Please sleep with me.
2 I'm sorry for whatever it
is that I did.
3 I forgot to get you a gift;
this will have to do.
4 Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
5 What did I forget? This should
buy me a little time.
6 Stop nagging me.
7 What do I have to do to get
a beer around here?
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Why doesn't my partner ever
answer me?
We just simply don't have the
energy to answer every single
one of your questions.
If we think we do not have the
answer, or that you will not
like the answer, we simply
remain quiet and save the energy
for other things.
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Why won't men ever pick up after
themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really
bother us that much.
Besides, we know darn well you'll
pick it up.
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What's with all the belching
and farting?
This usually only occurs after
months of courting. It's
our way to let you know that
we're comfortable with you.
Believe it or not, it's actu-
ally a sign of affection.
Besides, holding it for extended
periods of time gives
us stomach cramps.
------------------------------------------------------
Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing.
Men hunt. Women gather.
We just want to go out, kill
it, and bring it back. Who
wants to spend hours and hours
to look at things we have
no intention of killing. err...
Buying?
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Why can't men ever leave the
toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us
pee? The proper position
of the toilet seat is up.
Mathematically speaking, the
proper position of the toilet
seat is a function of the
time spent peeing over the time
spent sitting. The
closer that ratio approaches
one, the truer the proposition.
Besides, it's actually a courtesy
that we lift the seat.
Why would we care if we pee
all over the seat. You're the
ones that have to sit on
it. You should appreciate the
fact that we actually lift the
darn thing. We aim to
please.
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Why do men find blonde bimbos
attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving
the physical aside, blonde
bimbos are generally much easier
to get along (alone)
with. They like having
fun and doing exciting things.
They don't walk around with
the weight of the world
on their shoulders. They
don't ever give us a hard time
for being a dumb male; and plus
they laugh at most of
our jokes (even the ones
they don't get). What more
could any of us males ask for?
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Why do men act like they own
the remote control?
What do you mean act? We do;
possession is nine tenths of
the law. Besides, it is
an awesome responsibility not to
be entrusted to just anyone.
I believe the only fair way
to decide who gets the remote
control is to arm wrestle
for it.
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Why can't men stay on a single
channel for more than two
seconds? Are you kidding?
What if there is something
good on the next channel?
We could miss it if we stay
on one channel for too long.
(See also: Why do men fear
commitment?)
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Why do men fear commitment?
Don't be so surprised.
Yes; most of us do know what
'commitment' means and can spell
it correctly. It's
like an automobile. No matter
how good you think this
year's model is, they're always
coming out with newer,
faster, better, sleeker, and
sexier models. We simply
cannot be expected to purchase
the first one we see.
We must browse around a bit
and test drive a few. Who
wants to end up with a lemon?
At least with a car,
there's a slight chance of it
eventually becoming a
classic. It simply makes
much more sense to lease and
upgrade to the younger...err
...I mean newer models
every couple of years. Some
of them come with fun
extras like dual air bags.
------------------------------------------------------
What does it mean when men say,
"I'm just not ready
for a relationship right now"
or "I don't want a girl
friend?"
It means that we like you enough
to sleep with you,
but not enough so that we want
to see you repeatedly.
------------------------------------------------------
What does it mean when men say,
"Can we just be friends?"
Generally, it means that the
recipient of said comment
is physically repulsive enough
that no beer goggles may
be thick enough to provide adequate
protection.
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Do all men really masturbate?
Yes. It is genetically
inherited behavior. It's been
passed on from our most primal
forefathers, and it'll
be passed on to our sons.
-----------------------------------------------------
Why do men generally have greater
upper body strength?
Several factors are at work,
namely evolution, heredity,
nutrition, and environment.
(See also: Do all men really
masturbate?)
-----------------------------------------------------
Why do men generally have better
hand-eye or spatial
coordinate motor coordination?
It is like with all things.
Practice... Practice...
Practice... (See also: Do all
men really masturbate?)
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Why are men so obsessed with
beautiful women?
As opposed to what? Really ugly
women?
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Men Questions And Thoughts
Top.
 |
Drawing from lubin100 on 10/2/2012 |
 |
Subj:
Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S753 in Barber)
By Charles M. Schulz From: News.Yahoo.com on 6/19/2011 |
| Subj:
Why Men Wear Clothes (S438b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/17/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Short
Men Questions And Answers (S365)
From: DoctorDebt on 1/21/2004
Q: How many men does it take
to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened
by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really
bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't
even afford a washing machine
will probably never
be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller
feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary
things" that allows them
to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman
is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence
with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock
on the oven.
Q: Why do men break wind more
than women?
A: Because women can't shut
up long enough to
build up the required
pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at
the back door and your wife
is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course.
He'll shut up once you let him in.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist
Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what
she's told.
------------------------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just
didn't know her first name was
Always.
------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a
food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90%. It's called
a Wedding cake.
------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their
wives?
They want to. Or they are driven
to it.
------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to
men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created
the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor
Man has rested.
------------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men
who need a laugh and to the select
few women who can handle the
truth...
\\\//
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.
..............................
Smiley
with his Cigar from Smiley_Central.
.
.