Subj: Mothers-Supp Jokes
(Includes 46 jokes and articles, 26 1051,22,cf,wXT3a5a,18)
Mom Walking from
Josephs Free Stuff
The mother-in-law arrives at
her son-in-law's home for a
visit and finds him, Paddy, in a rage and hurriedly packing
"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you
what happened. I sent an
email to my wife (your daughter) telling her I was coming
home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess
what I found? Your daughter, my wife Mary, naked with Joe
Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! This is
the end of our marriage! I'm done! I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down
Paddy...," says, his mother-
in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My
daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a
simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and
find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law
comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation....
She never got your E-mail!"
Marc Mero - A Mother's Love...(S938d)
From: Diane Malicki on Facebook
Photo from Google.com
Marc Mero, a WWF champion, gave
a simple message that
brought this middle school to tears. Click 'HERE' to
see and hear Marc's wonderful talk about his mother.
Subj: "Mom, Where Did I Come From?" (S537)
by Bonnie A. Adkins from Memphis, Tennessee
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/4/200
Being a single mother, I wanted
to do everything perfectly
when it came to raising my son. One day, he came to me
with the age-old question...."Mom, where did I come from?"
Since I considered myself a fairly hip, enlightened woman,
I immediately stopped what I was doing and sat down with
my six-year old child to begin the oh-so important explan-
ation about the birds and the bees. I navigated, fairly
cleverly I thought, through the basics, explaining what I
believed a six-year old would understand. He listened
intently, his eyes never leaving my face, never once
interrupting me and seemingly very interested in what I
had to say.
I was feeling quite proud of
myself, feeling as though I
had met and managed a milestone in the "motherhood" depart-
ment. My pleasure with my success was short-lived, however,
when my son looked directly at me, his head cocked slightly
to one side and said "No, mom not sex. I mean like Lisa came
from Pensacola, where did I come from?"
You just never really know what
is going on in their little
minds, do you??
Procter And Gamble's Moms Commercial
Pub by Procter and Gamble (S946d)
||This Procter and Gamble's
teachs us that falling, only makes us
stronger. Thank you, Mom.
Click 'HERE' to see this beautiful ad.
In Celebration of Women's History Month....
Mom and Dad were watching TV
when Mom said, I'm tired, and
it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to
the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches,
rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer
for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box
levels, filled the sugar container. She then put some wet
clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash,
ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up
the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game
pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back
into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a
wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and
stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the
desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash
for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding
under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend,
addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note
for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom
then creamed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and
flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails.
Then she put water into the dog's
dish and put the cat
outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked
in on each of the kids and turned out a light and picked up
a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a
brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.
In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for
the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added
three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow.
About that time, the hubby turned
off the TV and announced
to no one in particular "I'm going to bed," and he did.
The Video EVERY Mom Must See! (S904d)
From: Cameron Switzer on Facebook
Share and Show your Mom Loads
of Love today and every other
day. If it was not for her you would have not been here today.
Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful tribute to mothers everywhere.
Subj: My Mother Taught Me (S106, S789)
From: KMACINTY on 08/16/2000
and From: tom on 3/4/2008 and 2/24/2012
My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck,
you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK
"If you don't pass your spelling test,
you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
that I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A
"What were you thinking? Answer me when
I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up.
My mother taught me ABOUT SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"
My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the
WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home."
And my all time favorite thing-
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn
out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE
A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION
- "You better pray that
will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME
TRAVEL: "If you don't
straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT
- "Make sure you wear
clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep
crying and I'll give
you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the
science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
- "Will you
just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA
- "You'll sit there
'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER
- "It looks as if a
tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
- "If I've told you
once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE
OF LIFE - "I brought
you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY
- "There are millions
of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do!"
Subj: I Open My Mouth - Sign (S1051)
From: K.A. Sparks on Facebook on 2/19/2107
Subj: A Mother's Day Poem (S590c)
From: rfslick on 5/11/2008
Your Mother is always with you.
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street,
she's the smell of certain foods you remember,
flowers you pick, and perfume that she wore.
She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well.
She's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep,
the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She is crystallized in every tear drop.
A mother shows every emotion...
happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger,
helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow
...and all the while, hoping and praying you will
only know the good feelings in life.
She's the place you came from, your first home, and
she's the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy,
but nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, not space.......not even death!
Happy Mothers Day
A New Perspective For Moms (S878d)
From: A Little GOOD News on 11/4/2013
There's a lot of pressure being
a parent. We want to raise
our children the right way, but there is no definitive hand-
book for every difficult situation and we're bound to make
mistakes along the way. For most of us, we're our own
biggest critic. But what do the people who matter most
think? How do our children see us? For Mother's Day this
year, we did an experiment asking moms to describe themselves,
and then compared that with what their own kids said about
them. It's amazing what you can see when you look from a
see this wonderful tribute to mothers
Subj: The Mommy Test (S526b)
From: darrell94590 on 2/19/2007
I was out walking with my 4 year
old daughter. She picked
up something off the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not
to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside,
you don't know where it's
been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked
at me with total admiration
and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh,"
I was thinking quickly, "All
moms know this stuff. It's on
the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you
be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for
2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!"
she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be
"Exactly" I replied back with
a big smile on my face and
joy in my heart.
Open Letter To Moms From Kid President
Made by SoulPancake on 5/13/13 (S853d)
In this video, the Kid President
has a message to moms
titled 'Ten Things Every Mom Needs To Know.' Click
'HERE' to see this wonderful, funny video from the
Subj: My Mom - Agent 008 (S484b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/10/2006
I firmly believe that my mother
is a spy. Not the run of
the mill, garden variety snoop, but a hard core, James Bond-
rivaling agent of intrigue and defender of national security.
Not only did she have eyes in the back of her head, but there
were other clues to tip me off, as well.
Mom always knew what I had plotted
to do, even before I'd
done anything. When I was a teenager, heading out the door
to my friend's house where we conspired to stay up all night
making prank phone calls and watching the forbidden "R" rated
movies, she would forewarn, "behave yourself" or "don't even
think about it." How did she know?
Obviously, she could read my
face. Randomly, during the school
year, she would ask if my grades were good -- to which I would
always respond in the affirmative. "Look me in the eyes," she
would say. Oh no, not the eyes! It was a truth serum no one
could deny. My teenage subterfuge tactics were no match for
her all knowing eyes. I, predictably, spent the remainder of
the semester studying in my room.
Clearly, she had completed a
detailed regimen of specialized
training. She was accomplished at her craft; the best in her
field. Whenever a toy broke in our house, mom knew how to fix
it (High-tech Gadgetry Repair 101). The picture in her High
School annual didn't even resemble her (obviously, a master
of disguise). And, she apparently had instruction as a Quick-
Change artist. In the blink of an eye, she could progress
from point A: making breakfast for the family while still in
her bathrobe and sporting pink foam curlers hair curlers, to
point B: dressed to the nines and ready to leave the house
Her stealth-mode capabilities
annoyed me most. The minute I
divulged a deep, dark secret to my best friend, there she was,
out of nowhere. Never mind the fact that she spoke in unbreak-
able code to her "friends" on the telephone, but she hid
Christmas presents so even foreign intelligence satellites
couldn't locate them.
The guilt glare topped her repertoire.
Presumably, a secret
bio-chemical compound tainted her searing stare, rendering
me helpless to its power. Even the strongest of super heroes
would fold under the pressure. Confessions spilled out of
me, before I even had a chance to think.
Her extra sensory perception
spanned space and time. While I
was away at college (300 miles from home), she somehow knew I
was living on junk food, leaving my dirty clothes on the
floor, and staying up too late gabbing with my roommate,
prompting me to sweep the dorm room for listening devices.
Extraordinary Mothers (S711b,d)
From: CKButch4Femme on 8/28/2010
This Assignment America video
with Steve Hartman discusses
a dog named Lilly. She wet nursing a litter of kittens and
mothered animals of many species caring for babies of other
species. Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful story.
Subj: Our Drug Problem! (S512c)
From: darrell94590 on 11/7/2006
God bless mothers who drugged us!
The other day, someone at a store
in our town read that a
methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in
the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question,
''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were
I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday
morning. I was drug to
church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions
and community socials no
matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed
when I disobeyed my
parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did
not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the
preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in
everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink
to have my mouth washed
out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.
I was drug out to pull weeds
in mom's garden and flower
beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family,
friends, and neighbors
to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard,
repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my
mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip
for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the
Those drugs are still in my veins;
and they affect my
behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are
stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's
children had this kind of drug problem, America would be
a better place.
Mother's Words (S560d)
Sung by Anita Renfroe
From: rfslick on 10/7/2007
Comedian Anita Renfroe sings
everything a mom says
all day to the William Tell Overture to her child
for twenty-four hours in under three minutes. It is
sung to the William Tell Overture. Click 'HERE' to
Subj: Mothers And Living Through Pain (S591b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/10/2008
As I looked up at my Mom's picture
hanging above my desk
today, I realized that it is now almost 15 years since
her death. Thankfully, over the years the pain and sense
of loss have eased while the memories of her life and her
love have remained. I can still feel her presence as I
write this. I am sure that she is not only smiling down
on me from her picture on the wall, but from Heaven as
well. I only wish she hadn't left us quite so soon.
The great teacher, author, and
speaker Leo Buscaglia said
that he was often asked by his classes why we have to go
through pain, suffering, and even death. He stated that
he never did find out why, but at some point in his life
he stopped asking the questions and started living the
answers. "That", he said, "made all the difference."
How do we live the answers? I
think we do so by choosing
love, joy, and oneness with God everyday of our lives. We
do so through pain as well as comfort. We do so through
suffering as well as happiness. We do so even in the face
of death. Some of the wisest, gentlest, kindest, most
loving, and most joyous people I have ever known are those
who have suffered the most. The only difference is that
they used that suffering to help them to grow into the
people God wanted them to be.
What good is pain, suffering,
and even death if we don't
use them to grow more loving, more giving, more compassionate,
more peaceful, more joyous, and more at one with God? I think
my Mother knew this as she battled cancer in her final years
and faced death at such an early age. She blessed us all with
her love, her joy, and her gentle laughter right up until her
dying day. I only hope and pray that I can live my own answers
as beautifully and wonderfully as she lived hers. May all of
you lovingly live your own answers then in this life and in
...Joseph J. Mazzella
Subj: Momma Comic Strip II (S611)
By Mell Lazarus on 9/22/2008
Subj: "Why My Lips Stayed Chapped On Mother's Day" (S542)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/11/2007
So, we had this great 10 year
old cat named Jack who just
recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would
carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered
him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat
in our bathroom.
Well we have 3 kids and at the
time of this story they were
4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is
Eli. Eli really loves chap stick. LOVES it. He kept
asking to use my chap stick and then losing it. So finally
one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chap
stick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he
needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.
Last year on Mother's Day, we
were having the typical rush
around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying
and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in
the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the
same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess
and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful
day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood. We
finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car
and I am looking for Eli.
I have searched everywhere and
I finally rounded the corner
to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying
my chap stick very care fully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli
looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you
have a cat, you know that he is right-- their little butts
do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to
mind. And the only question to really ask at that point
was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the
cat's behind or the hundredth.
And THAT is my favorite Mother's
Day moment ever because it
reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these
glorious little creatures, there will always be that day
when you realize they've been using your chap stick on the
cat's butt. It is hard to tell what I've put on/in my mouth
after raising 4 kids and 3 of them boys !!!!! Ha Ha.
Momma Comic Strip (S600)
By Mell Lazarus on 7/15/2008
Subj: Famous Mothers (S484c)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/10/2006
1) The youngest mother whose
history is authenticated is
Lina Medina, who delivered a 6?-pound boy by cesarean section
in Lima, Peru in 1939, at an age of 5 years and 7 months. The
child was raised as her brother and only discovered that Lina
was his mother when he was 10.
2) On April 9, 2003, Satyabhama
Mahapatra, a 65-year-old
retired schoolteacher in India, became the world's oldest
mother when she gave birth to a baby boy. Satyabhama and her
husband had been married 50 years, but this is their first
child. The baby was conceived through artificial insemination
using eggs from the woman's 26-year-old niece, Veenarani
Mahapatra, and the sperm of Veenarani's husband.
3) Eric Clapton was born to an
unwed mother and to shield him
from the shame, Eric grew up believing that his grandparents
were his parents and his mother was his sister.
4) Jayne Bleackley is the mother
who holds the record for the
shortest interval between two children born in separate
confinements. She gave birth to Joseph Robert on September 3,
1999, and Annie Jessica Joyce on March 30, 2000. The babies
were born 208 days apart.
5) Elizabeth Ann Buttle is the
mother who holds the record for
the longest interval between the birth of two children. She
gave birth to Belinda on May 19,1956 and Joseph on November 20,
1997. The babies were born 41 years 185 days apart. The
mother was 60 years old when her son Joseph was born.
6) The highest officially recorded
number of children born to
one mother is 69, to the first wife of Feodor Vassilyev (1707-
1782) of Shuya, Russia. Between 1725 and 1765, in a total of
27 confinements, she gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven
sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets. 67 of them
7) The modern world record for
giving birth is held by Leontina
Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Leontina claims to be the
mother of 64 children, of which only 55 of them are documented.
She is listed in the 1999 Guinness World Records but dropped
from later editions.
8) Katherine Hepburn's father
was a surgeon and her mother was
a dedicated suffragette and early crusader for birth control.
9) Kim Basinger's mother had
been a champion swimmer who
performed water ballets in several Esther Williams movies in
10) Elvis Presley, was a mama's
boy. He slept in the same bed
with his mother, Gladys, until he reached puberty. Up until
Elvis entered high school, she walked him back and forth to
school every day and made him take along his own silverware so
that he wouldn't catch germs from the other kids. Gladys
forbade young Elvis from going swimming or doing anything that
might put him in danger. The two of them also conversed in a
strange baby talk that only they could understand.
11) Bobbie McCaughey is the mother
who holds the record for the
most surviving children from a single birth. She gave birth to
the first set of surviving septuplets - four boys and three
girls -on November 19, 1997, at the University Hospital, Iowa,
US. Conceived by in vitro fertilization, the babies were
delivered after 31 weeks by caesarean in the space of 16 minutes.
The babies are named Kenneth, Nathaniel, Brandon, Joel, Kelsey,
Natalie and Alexis.
12) Laura Dern earned a Best
Actress Oscar nomination for her
illuminating performance as the title character in Rambling
Rose, an underrated picture in 1991 that also won a Best
Supporting Actress nomination for her mother, Diane Ladd.
This was the first time a mother-daughter team had been so
honored; they became the first mother and daughter ever
nominated for Academy Awards for the same movie.
13) Madonna's mother died when she was five years old.
14) Phyllis Diller, a 40-year-old
mother of five and an
advertising copywriter for a California radio station, made
a rousing comedy debut at San Francisco's Purple Onion in 1957.
15) American talk show host Conan
O'Brien's father is Dr. Thomas
O'Brien, a noted epidemiologist, the head of microbiology at
Peter Brigham Hospital, and a professor at Harvard Medical
School. His mother, Ruth Reardon O'Brien, was a partner at
Ropes ? Gray law firm outside Boston until her 1997 retirement.
16) Meredith Baxter-Birney played
the mother, Elyse Keaton on
the hit TV sitcom Family Ties. Her actress mother, Whitney
Blake, also played a mom: Dorothy Baxter, on TV's Hazel.
17) James McNeill Whistler's
best known painting, often
called "Whistler's Mother," is actually titled "Arrangement
in Black and Gray: The Artist's Mother.
18) Many of the sweaters worn
by Mr. Rogers on the popular
television show, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, were actually
knitted by his real mother.
19) Monkee Mike Nesmith's mother,
Bette Nesmith Graham was
the inventor of Liquid Paper correction fluid. She sold the
rights to the Gillette Corporation in 1979 for $47.5
million and when she died in 1980, she left half of her
fortune to her son Michael.
20) Hoyt Axton wrote Three Dog
Night's "Joy To The World".
His mother, Mae Axton wrote "Heartbreak Hotel" for Elvis Presley.
Subj: Funny Mom-Isms (S485)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2006
1) "You'll understand when you're older."
2) "You won't be happy until you break that, will you?"
3) "You can't find it?
Well, if you'd put things where
they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem."
4) "Who died and left you boss?"
5) "When you have your own house then you can make the rules!"
6) "When I was young we had
respect for our elders,
now look at the world!"
7) "What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?"
8) "Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap."
9) "Isn't it past your bedtime?"
10) "I'm not going to ask you again."
11) "I brought you into this
world, and I can
take you right back out!"
12) "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!"
13) "Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?"
14) "As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say."
15) "Am I talking to a brick wall?"
16) "Answer me when I ask you a question!"
17) "Are you going out dressed like that?"
18) "Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I'm not your maid!"
19) "Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age."
20) "Did you clean your room?"
21) "I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!"
22) "Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way."
23) "Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again!"
24) "Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been."
25) "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
26) "If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert."
27) "How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!"
28) "How many times do I have to tell you?"
29) "If you don't stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!"
30) "I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one."
Subj: For All The Mothers (S118)
From: smiles on 5/7/99
This is for all the mothers who
DIDN'T win Mother of the
Year in 1999. All the runners-up and all the wannabes.
The mothers too tired to enter or too busy to care. This
is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal
bleachers at soccer games Friday night instead of watching
from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see my
goal?" They could say "Of course, wouldn't have missed it
for the world," and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who
have sat up all night with
sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with
Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK
honey, Mommy's here."
This is for all the mothers of
Kosovo who fled in the night
and can't find their children. This is for the mothers who
gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who
took those babies and made them homes.
For all the mothers of the victims
of the Colorado shooting,
and the mothers of the murderers. For the mothers of the
survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in
horror, hugging their child who just came home from school,
For all the mothers who run carpools
and make cookies and
sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook
dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it heart? Is it the
ache you feel when you watch
your son disappear down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from
sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand
on the back of a sleeping baby? The need to flee from
wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a
school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying? I
So this is for all the mothers
who sat down with their
children and explained all about making babies. And for
all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't. This is
for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year.
And then reading it again."Just one more time."
This is for all the mothers who
mess up. Who yell at their
kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair and
stomp their feet like a tired 2 year old who wants ice
cream before dinner.
This is for all the mothers who
taught their daughters to
tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for
all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. For all the
mothers who bite their lips -- sometimes until they bleed--
when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
Who lock themselves in the bathroom
when babies keep
crying and won't stop. This is for all the mothers who
show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
This is for all the mothers who
teach their sons to cook
and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for all
mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice
calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own
offspring are at home.
This is for mothers who put pinwheels
and teddy bears on
their children's graves. This is for mothers whose child-
ren have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach
them. This is for all the mothers who sent their sons to
school with stomach-aches, assuring them they'd be just
FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school
nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up.
This is for young mothers stumbling
through diaper changes
and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let
go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single
mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers
This is for you all. So hang
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
Subj: Short Jokes About Mothers
||Subj: Peanuts Sunday Comic
Strip II (S904d)
By Charles M. Schulz on 5/11/2014
Murphy's Law For Moms (S877)
Drawing from CiteLighter.com...
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (S796)
By Dan Piraro on 4/18/2012
Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S747)
By Charles M. Schulz on 5/8/2011
Mother Squirrel Saves The Day (S666)
From: gattica30 on 6/15/09 (in Animal-Supp)
These four photos show how all mothers react when
Herman Comic Strip (S621c)
by Jim Unger on 12/5/2008
Mothers In All Colors - PPS (S612)
From: darrellvip on 8/13/2008
This PowerPoint Show of mother animals and their
Invisible Mother (S578b)
From: ginafm on 2/17/2008
Mother in Law - PPS (S520b)
From: redcatt on 1/7/2007
Long joke in PowerPoint Show format. You can
Subj: Mother-Child Love (S487c)
From: igiggle on 5/24/2006
I tell you there is no love sweeter than the love between
a mother and a child. Now I know my wife loves me, but I
am reasonably sure that she doesn't look at me the same way
she looks at them. You know, it's kind of humbling because
you realize at some point you're just a date that worked out.
Subj: You Are Changing (S486b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/16/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/12/2006 (S486b)
"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically
once, and by car forever after." -- Peter De Vries
From: igiggle on 5/25/2006 (S488b)
Mothers stress the lovely meaning of Mother's Day by gathering
their children and tenderly saying, "I carried every one of you
in my body for nine months and then my hips started spreading
because of you. I wasn't built like this until you were born
and I didn't have this big blue vein in the back of my leg.
You did this to me." -- Bill Cosby
From: igiggle on 5/25/2006 (S488b)
You may view yourself as a mature, self-reliant person, but
your mom views you as a person who once got lost in the
department store and got so scared that you pooped your pants.
Which caused you to become so ashamed that you tried to hide
in the ladies' lingerie department where the nice clerk was
able to find you because she noticed the highly unromantic
aroma emanating from somewhere inside a rack of negligees.
-- Dave Barry
From: igiggle on 5/25/2006 (S488b -
You know you're a mother when you're up each night until
10:00 pm, vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying,
loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing,
ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing
diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills,
budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to
bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling,
feeding, swinging, playing ball, bike riding, pushing
trucks, cuddling dolls, roller blading, catching, blowing
bubbles, running sprinklers, sliding, taking walks,
coloring, crafting, jumping rope, raking, trimming,
planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking
/feeding the dog. You get up at 5:30 am, and you have no
time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet -
you still manage to gain ten pounds.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/4/2007
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She
never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother,
never. A mother is something absolutely new. -- Rajneesh
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/6/2007 (S563b)
"God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers."
-- Jewish Proverb