Subj: 2 invitations to a wedding I don't want to go to
             Seller information: twinklydog ( 5 ) 
         At: http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5527273221 
              Description  (revised)
 








I've been invited to the wedding of a mate of mine who I used to know really well until he started going out with the girl he's going to marry. She's a dog. No really. I haven't seen them since I told her she's a dog over two years ago. They've stupidly invited me to their wedding, but I don't want to go. It's an invite to me '+plus 1" and involves the afternoon reception (a sit down meal in a 4 star restaurant) and evening piss up (a bus will carry you there, and drag you to the nearest b&b or trainstation after. Should be a good day out. All in all I reckon there's a good £150 worth of entertainment if you time it right. No one will know you're not me except the groom and he'll be so pissed trying to forget his new wife's a dog he won't notice. The only thing is, because she's such a dog, they might not get married, so I reserve the right to cancel the bidding.



On 16-Oct-04 at 08:59:59 BST, seller added the following information:

Since listing the tickets I've been contacted by quite a few people who think they're going to the same wedding. As it happens, 3 of you are and want to sell your tickets too. So this auction is now for 5 tickets to the wedding of a mate to a dog that we don't want to go to. Getting five of you into a wedding might be a bit of a gamble, so I'll keep the buy it now price the same, but you're now looking at at least £400 worth of free booze, good food. Even if you have to listen to her dad do karaoke, and watch her mum try to get off with the ushers.



On 18-Oct-04 at 11:50:06 BST, seller added the following information:

For those who've been asking, I can email photo's of the invite. I didn't want to post them as I thought the pink feather trmming might make it a bit too obvious which wedding I'm talking about. Suffice to say they play a pretty good version of 'livin' la vida loca' when opened.



On 19-Oct-04 at 15:29:39 BST, seller added the following information:

I'm getting a lot of questions, so thanks to everyone who's expressed an interest. Unfortunately I'm going to have to dissappoint most of you by telling you that the bridesmaids are likely to be dogs too. I know, it's a marital travesty. The bride's best mate works in a chippy in Colchester, and they always used to go boozing in Stoke with her aunt who I seem to remember had a penchant for DKNY tracksuits, Pineapple Bacardi Breezers and cafe creme. Now, on the basis there's a 100% certainty that at least one of them is a bridesmaid, there's not a lot of optimisim I can inject, is there? That and the fact that I've heard that 2 of the ushers are now trying to sell their tickets on loot having had the tip off about her mother.



On 21-Oct-04 at 13:41:46 BST, seller added the following information:

Blimey - it's all gone a bit Frey Bentos here hasn't it. I only popped out to Petsmart to get the winning bidder a present to take, and I've come back to about a billion questions. Haven't got the time to answer them all but most common ones are: Yes there is a dress code - anything in satin by FILA or UMBRO. Men can substitue ties for big jewellery. Yes the ladies must wear hats - baseball caps or beanies. There's no vegetarian option, although Pedigree Dry may very well be a starter. No, bidding does not include return fare to Brisbane. No, the invite will not get you into the bridal suite. YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO. REALLY. No, I won't marry you. Thanks though. No, I'm not a misogynist, and yes, I do feel guilty... ...but she really really really is a dog. Yes there's much more to this story, but not enough room here. Any publishers out there?



On 21-Oct-04 at 15:17:06 BST, seller added the following information:

eBay have advised me that the current bid may not be genuine. I think 300 grand to go to the wedding of someone you've never met is pretty resonable, but they've advised me to do the pre-approved bidders thing. So sorry kids, but could bidders kindly email me and get pre-approved. Not my idea. promise. good luck.



On 22-Oct-04 at 09:44:25 BST, seller added the following information:

Most of you have hit the nail on the head, you know. I still love the old dog, despite what she did to me. And, thanks to the Colchester Massiv’s “Honk if you’re Twinklydog’s Dog” campaign, she got in touch this morning and we’ve had a good chat. It’s a bit of a gamble, but I’m going to pull the auction, go to Aberdeen and see whether she’ll put a stop to this sham of a wedding and marry me instead. Hope you understand. The cab’s outside, I’ve got to go.