Subj: Wedding Jokes and Stories
(Includes 44 jokes and articles, 11844,11,cf)
Click "Here" for Wedding-Supp
Just Married Car
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Subj: Wedding Jokes and Stories (Includes 44 jokes and articles, 11844,11,cf) Click "Here" for Wedding-Supp |
|
Just Married Car from Gifarchiv.net |
Also see ASIAN-CHINESE- 'Chinese
Couple Names Wong Have A Baby'
BANKING-SUPP - 'The
Moneylender'
......................-
'Inheriting
From Sickly Father'
BIRDS-PARROT - 'Farmer's
Parrot Screws Turkeys'
BIRTHDAYS - 'Banning
Birthday Presents'
BODY_PARTS - 'Needing
Surgery On A Bad Ear'
CONDOM file - 'Being
Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister'
......................-
'Being
Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II' - Movie
DATING3 file - 'Asking
Your Date To Marry You'
......................-
'Hank
Breaks Up With His Fiancee'
......................-
'Food
And The Sex Drive'
......................-
'Bringing
Home The Fiance'
ELDERLY1 file- 'Elderly
Couple Plan To Get Married'
......................-
'Very
Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married'
ELDERLY1-SUPP- 'Senior Preneptual
Agreement'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Grandfather
Explains Sex To Grandson'
FACTS4 file - 'Divorce
From 'I do' At Wedding'
FACTS4 file - 'A
Little History From the 1500s'
FOOD-ETC file- 'Dietician's
Speech'
FOOD-SUPP - 'Doctor
Gives Lecture On Dangerous Foods'
FOURTHofJuly - 'Twins
Born On The Fourth Of July'
FUNERAL file - 'The
Wedding Gift'
......................-
'Good
Answer....... '
GAYS file - 'Gay
Wedding Etiquette'
HORSE file - 'Five
Funny Horse Race Videos'
JEWISH2 file - 'Three
Jewish Sons Marry'
......................-
'Two
Jewish Women Discuss Herpes'
KIDS1 file - 'Johnny
Wants To Marry Susie'
KIDS5 file - 'Two
Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married'
KNIGHT file - 'Reversing
a Curse'
......................-
'King
Arthur And What Women Want'
LOVE file - 'Two
Brooms In Love'
MANNERS file - 'Dear
Abby - Wedding Preparations'
MARRIAGE4 - 'How
To Be A Good Wife??'
.........MOTHERS
file - 'Son Brings
Home His Future Bride'
.........NATIONAL-STS
- 'A
West Virginia Love Story'
PILOT file - 'Pilot
Engaged To Two Ladies'
PLANE-SUPP2 - 'In
Descent Proposal' - Movie
POLICE2 file - 'Small
Town Cop Stops Speeder'
REDNECK-SUPP - 'Jim-Bob
Wants To Get Married'
TEAR JERKER2 - 'The
Wallet'
WED-HONEYMOON- (See whole file)
============================================================Top
| Subj:
The Ring (S502)
From: auntiegah on 9/7/2006 |
 |
To view this short, funny movie on my web site click 'HERE'.
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Subj: Wedding
Dress For Sale On EBay (S379b)
From: jokes on 5/5/2004
This is the funniest thing I
have read in a year. Read it
all. This guy is going
on radio and TV because of this sale.
In 90 days EBay will pull the
funniest thing I've read in a
year. What a loss.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem?item=4146756343
For Sale: One Slightly Used Size
12 Wedding Gown. Only worn
twice: Once at the wedding and
once for these pictures.
Make: Victoria
Style: 611
Size: 12
Divorce forces sale
I found my ex-wife's wedding
dress in the attic when I moved.
She took the $4000 engagement
ring but left the dress. I was
actually going to have a dress
burning party when the divorce
became final, but my sister
talked me out of it. She said,
"That’s such a gorgeous dress.
Some lucky girl would be glad
to have it. You should sell
it on EBay. At least get something
back for it." So, this
is what I’m doing.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Wedding (S355b)
From: DoctorDebt on 11/20/2003
|
You are at the wedding... You are a total Diva... The best dress, a perfect hairdo... You fall in love with an invited guest... You get secret looks the entire night... On the dance floor, he's
by your side
You are the couple of the evening... The anticipated moment
has arrived for
The bride is about to
throw the
You are first in line,
in a strategic
Once there, you wait for
the right
You look at him sensually,
and with
If I catch the bouquet...I
Will Marry
And
then, the moment
The
bride throws the
He
doesn't stop looking
You
jump like never
Your arms stretched out... Your hands open... And suddenly...
|
|
 |
|
|
|
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Subj: Mother's
Wedding Dress (S309b, S690b)
From: auntiegah on 4/24/2007
and
From: ginafm on 4/7/2010
The wedding day was fast approaching.
Everything was ready,
and nothing could dampen Jennifer's
excitement, not even her
parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother Sheila finally found
the PERFECT dress to wear
and would be the best dressed
mother of the bride EVER!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified
to learn her new young
stepmother, Barbie, had purchased
the same dress. She
asked Barbie to exchange the
dress, but Barbie refused,
"Absolutely not! I'm going
to wear this dress; I'll look
like a million in it!"
Jennifer told her mother, who
graciously replied, "Never
mind dear. I'll get another
dress, after all it's YOUR
special day, not hers."
Two weeks later, another dress
was finally found. When
they stopped for lunch, Jennifer
asked her mother, "What
are you going to do with the
first dress? Maybe you
should return it. You
don't have any place to wear it."
Sheila grinned and replied, "Of
course, I do, dear! I'm
wearing it to the rehearsal
dinner!"
......Now what woman wouldn't like this story?!
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Subj: Bride
Nervous About Errors (S284b)
From: thebartend on 7/9/2002
During the weeks before Brenda's
wedding, she was terribly
anxious about making mistakes
at the ceremony.
The minister reassured her several
times, pointing out that
the service was not difficult
and that she would do just fine.
"All you have to remember," He
said, "is that when you enter
the church you walk up the AISLE.
The groom and best man
will be waiting before the ALTAR.
Then I shall request the
congregation to sing a HYMN....
Then we shall get on with
the ceremony. All you
have to remember is the order in
which those things happen and
you can't go wrong."
The happy day finally arrived,
and the bridegroom waited
nervously for his bride to appear.
When she arrived and stood alongside
him, he heard her
quietly repeating to herself,
"Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle,
altar, hymn."
At that very moment, the bridegroom
realized that his
friends who had warned him about
marriage were correct,
as her thoughts which he could
now hear quite clearly -
"I'll alter him. I'll alter
him."
\\\//
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Subj: Groom
Pays For Special Vows
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com 9/8/99
During the wedding rehearsal,
the groom approached the pastor
with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if
you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to me and the part
where I'm to promise to 'love,
honor and obey' and 'forsaking
all others, be faithful to her
forever,' I'd appreciate it
if you'd just leave that part out."
He passed the minister a $100
bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding,
and the bride and groom have
moved to that part of the ceremony
where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's
vows, the pastor looks the
young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate
yourself before her, obey her
every command and wish, serve
her breakfast in bed every morning
of your life and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife
that you will not ever even
look at another woman, as long as
you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around,
and said in a tiny voice,
"Yes."
After the wedding, the groom
pulled the pastor aside and hissed,
"I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put the $100 bill
into the groom's hand and whispered
back, "She made me a much better
offer."
\\\//
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Subj: Mail
Order Groom (S121)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 5/21/99
Two women in the one horse town
of Parched Gulch had
daughters, each of marriageable
age. But there were
no prospective husbands in town
due to shootings, running
off with outlaws and drunk riding.
And there was no chance
at all of any bridegrooms turning
up.
The two mothers pooled their
meager resources, advertised,
and sure enough, they got results:
twin brothers in Cactus
Corners looking for wives.
The twin bridegrooms were sent
for.
Along the way the twins met up
with outlaws. One was killed,
the other escaped. Upon
his arrival, the mothers were in
immediate conflict as to whom
the surviving twin belonged.
They were going to kill each
other over it. After all, each
had a daughter's future at stake.
They took the case to Judge A.K.
Hornswoggle, alcoholic,
disbarred, but with Solomonic
frontier wisdom. After due
deliberation, Hornswoggle ruled
that the young man be chopped
in half and one half awarded
to each daughter.
The first mother was outraged.
If Hornswoggle wasn't drunk or
stupid, he was a monster for
suggesting such a thing.
The second mother thought it would not be a bad solution.
And pointing to the second mother,
Hornswoggle said, "Your
daughter gets him. You
are the real mother-in-law."
\\\//
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Subj: Irish
Wedding Turns Into A Fight (S109)
From: smiles on 99-03-05
A wedding occurred, just outside
Cavan in Ireland. To keep
tradition going, everyone got
pissed and the bride's and
groom's families had a
storming rage and begin wrecking
the reception room and
generally kicking the crap out of
each other.
The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members
of both families appear in
court. The fight continues
in the court room until the
Judge finally brings calm with
the use of his hammer,
shouting "Silence in Court."
The court room goes silent and
Paddy (the best man) stands
up and says, "Judge.. I was
the best man at the wedding
and I think I should explain
what happened."
The Judge agrees and asks Paddy
to take the stand. Paddy
begins his explanation by telling
the court that it is
traditional in a Cavan wedding
that the Best Man gets the
first dance with the Bride.
The judge says "OK."
"Well", said Paddy, "After I
had finished the first dance,
the music kept going, so I continued
dancing to the second
song, and after that the music
kept going and I was
dancing to the third song..
when all of a sudden the
Groom leapt over the table,
ran towards us and gave the
Bride an unmerciful kick in
her privates."
The Judge instantly responded... "Wow..that must have hurt!"
Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers!"
\\\//
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Subj: If Men
Were In Charge Of Weddings:
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #222 on 98-01-14
There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger"
rather than a "Rehearsal
Dinner".
Bridesmaids would wear matching
blue jean cut-offs and halter
tops. They would have
NO tan lines.
Tuxes would have team logos on
the back and
the Nike shoes would have matching
team colors.
June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
Vows would mention cooking and
sex specifically,
but omit that "forsaking all
others" part.
The couple would leave the ceremony
in a souped up '73 Charger
or some other Mopar with racing
tires and flame designs on the
side of the car. Better
yet, a Harley!
Idiots who tried to dance with
the bride (unless they were
really old) would get punched
in the head.
Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
There would be "Tailgate Receptions".
Outdoor weddings would be held
during sporting events at half-
time or between innings.
Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
Ceremonies and honeymoons would
be inexpensive compared to
the cost of the bachelor party.
Those strippers and liquor
sure do add up.
Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what
do you think, dear? The
burgundy or the wine colored
napkins?" They'd just grab
extras from their local pub
or tavern.
Favors would be matchbooks and
cigars. Better yet, free
drink passes at the local lounge.
The bride's dress would show
cleavage, her navel, and be
form-fitted to her butt.
Instead of a sit-down dinner
or a buffet, there would be a
hog roast or buckets of chicken,
pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
No one would bother with that
"Veil Routine". But they would
insist that the garter be as
high up on her leg as it could go.
The bridal bouquet would be recycled
from a previous funeral
or something.
Invitations would read as follow...
Tom (Dick or Harry)
is getting the ol' ball and chain...
He's getting married.
He either:
A) knocked her up,
B) couldn't get a different roommate,
or C) caved in
to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will
cook and clean for him For the
rest of his life at Texas Stadium
On the 50 Yard Line At Half-
time during Sunday's Game.
Please join us at The Clubhouse
after the game For Beer, Nachos
and Pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B.
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Subj: The
Wedding Night And Teeth (S49)
From: cplai on Date: 23 Jan 89
Once upon a time, there was a village.
The people in the village were
extremely conservative. No
one talked about sex.
Newlyweds had to figure out how to
do such business on their own
because no one ever talked
about it in their lifetime.
A mischievous couple decided
to pull a practical joke on
a pair of people getting married.
The man pulled the groom-to-be
aside and talked to him
privately: "I know it is not
appropriate to talk to you
about sex life. But you
are getting married soon, I don't
want you to get hurt."
"What is it? What is it?
Let me know," the ignorant
groom eagerly asked.
The man first told him what sex
was all about. And he
said, "But ... , you have to
be careful. Some women grow
teeth in their 'private place'.
Some poor men have lost
their valuable body part to
these ruthless jaws."
"How should I find out?
What should I do on the first
night?"
"Fear not, young man. Let
me tell you what to do. Don't
take any risks. On the
first night, test her first with
your knee."
The woman also talked to the
bride-to-be in private: "You
are getting married soon.
I cannot resist warning you..."
The bride also eagerly asked for advice.
The woman first explained to
her what would happen in bed
the first night, then she said,
"Some men have a HUGE life-
threatening penis. If
you have sex with this type of man,
you may not survive."
"Oh, please help me. What should I do?" The bride was scared.
"Well, let me tell you what I
did on my first night," she
lied. "I sharpened my
finger nails and put my hand in front
of my vulnerable spot, and grabbed
anything that approached."
In the wedding night, the shy
newlywed slipped into bed in
pitch darkness. Moments
later, both screamed in horror.
... And they slept separately ever after.
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Subj: A Groom
With Balls (S498c)
From: darrell94590 on 8/7/2006
Okay kids, here's the story that
tops them all. If any of
you guys out there have ever
thought you have balls, forget
aboutit. This is a true
story that just happened at a
wedding at Clemson. A
buddy of mine from my baseball team
knows a guy that was at the
wedding.
This was a huge wedding with
about 300 guests. After the
wedding at the reception, the
groom got up on stage at the
microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said that he wanted to
thank everyone for coming, many
from long distances, to
support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank
the bride's and groom's
families for coming. To thank every-
one for coming and bearing gifts
and everything, he said he
wanted to give everyone a gift
from him. So taped to the
bottom of everyone's chair was
a manila envelope. He said
that was his gift to everyone,
and told them to open it.
Inside the manila envelope was
an 8x10 picture of his best
man having sex with the bride.
(He must have gotten
suspicious of the two of them
and hireda private detective
to trail them.) After
he stood there and watched people's
reactions for a couple of minutes,
he turned to the best man
and said "F*** you", he turned
to the bride and said "F***
you", and then said "I'm out
of here".
He got the marriage annulled
the next day. While most of
us would have broken it off
immediately after we found out
about the affair, this guy goes
through with it anyway.
His revenge: making the bride's
parents pay for a 300 guest
wedding and reception, letting
everyone know exactly what
did happen, and trashing the
bride's and best man's reput-
ations in front of friends,
family, grandparents, etc.
This is a urban legend as explained
on Snopes.com at
http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp
\\\//
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Subj: Instruction
And Advice For The Young Bride
The following is a reprint from
The Madison Institute
Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894:
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE
FOR THE
YOUNG BRIDE
on the
Conduct and Procedure of the
Intimate and Personal Relationships
of the Marriage State
for the
Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
by
Ruth Smythers
beloved wife of
The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year
of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
To the sensitive young woman
who has had the benefits of
proper upbringing, the wedding
day is, ironically, both
the happiest and most terrifying
day of her life. On the
positive side, there is the
wedding itself, in which the
bride is the central attraction
in a beautiful and inspiring
ceremony, symbolizing her triumph
in securing a male to
provide for all her needs for
the rest of her life. On the
negative side, there is the
wedding night, during which the
bride must pay the piper, so
to speak, by facing for the
first time the terrible experience
of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let
me concede one shocking
truth. Some young women actually
anticipate the wedding
night ordeal with curiosity
and pleasure! Beware such an
attitude! A selfish and
sensual husband can easily take
advantage of such a bride.
One cardinal rule of marriage
should never be forgotten:
GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND
ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY.
Otherwise what could have
been a proper marriage could
become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride's
terror need not be extreme.
While sex it at best revolting
and at worse rather painful,
it has to be endured, and has
been by women since the
beginning of time, and is compensated
for by the monogamous
home and by the children produced
through it.
It is useless, in most cases,
for the bride to prevail upon
the groom to forego the sexual
initiation. While the ideal
husband would be one who would
approach his bride only at
her request and only for the
purpose of begetting offspring,
such nobility and unselfishness
cannot be expected from the
average man.
Most men, if not denied, would
demand sex almost every day.
The wise bride will permit a
maximum of two brief sexual
experiences weekly during the
first months of marriage. As
time goes by she should make
every effort to reduce this
frequency. Feigned illness,
sleepiness, and headaches are
among the wife's best friends
in this matter. Arguments,
nagging, scolding, and bickering
also prove very effective,
if used in the late evening
about an hour before the husband
would normally commence his
seduction. Clever wives are
ever on the alert for new and
better methods of denying and
discouraging the amorous overtures
of the husband. A good
wife should expect to
have reduced sexual contacts to once
a week by the end of the first
year of marriage and to once
a month by the end of the fifth
year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many
wives have managed to complete
their child bearing and have
achieved the ultimate goal of
terminating all sexual contacts
with the husband. By this
time she can depend upon his
love for the children and social
pressures to hold the husband
in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert
to keep the quantity of sex
as low as possible, the wise
bride will pay equal attention
to limiting the kind and degree
of sexual contacts. Most
men are by nature rather perverted,
and if given half a chance,
would engage in quite a variety
of the most revolting practices.
These practices include among
others performing the normal act
in abnormal positions; mouthing
the female body; and offering
their own vile bodies to be
mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading
stories about sex, viewing
photographs and drawings depicting
or suggesting sex are the
obnoxious habits the male
is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the
goal never to allow her husband
to see her unclothed body, and
never allow him to display his
unclothed body to her.
Sex, when it cannot be prevented,
should be practiced only in
total darkness. Many women have
found it useful to have thick
cotton nightgowns for themselves
and pajamas for their husbands.
These should be donned in
separate rooms. They need
not be removed durning the sex act.
Thus, a minimum of flesh is
exposed.
Once the bride has donned her
gown and turned off all the
lights, she should lie quietly
upon the bed and await her
groom. When he comes groping
into the room she should make
no sound to guide him in her
direction, lest he take this as
a sign of encouragement.
She should let him grope in the
dark. There is always
the hope that he will stumble and
incur some slight injury which
she can use as an excuse
to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should
lie as still as possible.
Bodily motion on her part could
be interpreted as sexual
excitement by the optimistic
husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on
the lips she should turn her
head slightly so that the kiss
falls harmlessly on her cheek
instead. If he attempts
to kiss her hand, she should make a
fist. If he lifts her
gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace
else she should quickly pull
the gown back in place, spring
from the bed, and announce that
nature calls her to the toilet.
This will generally dampen his
desire to kiss in the forbidden
territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce
her with lascivious talk,
the wise wife will suddenly
remember some trivial non-sexual
question to ask him. Once
he answers she should keep the
conversation going, no matter
how frivolous it may seem at
the time.
Eventually, the husband will
learn that if he insists on
having sexual contact, he must
get on with it without amorous
embellishment.
The wise wife will allow him
to pull the gown up no farther
than the waist, and only permit
him to open the front of his
pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent
or babble about her housework
while his huffing and puffing
away. Above all, she will lie
perfectly still and never under
any circumstances grunt or
groan while the act is in progress.
As soon as the husband
has completed the act, the wise
wife will start nagging him
about various minor tasks she
wishes him to perform on the
morrow. Many men obtain
a major portion of their sexual
satisfaction from the peaceful
exhaustion immediately after
the act is over. Thus
the wife must insure that there is
no peace in this period for
him to enjoy. Otherwise, he
might be encouraged to soon
try for more.
One heartening factor for which
the wife can be grateful is
the fact that the husband's
home, school, church, and social
environment have been working
together all through his life
to instill in him a deep sense
of guilt in regards to his
sexual feelings, so that he
comes to the marriage couch
apologetically and filled with
shame, already half cowed and
subdued. The wise wife
seizes upon this advantage and
relentlessly pursues her goal
first to limit, later to
annihilate completely her husband's
desire for sexual
expression. Copyright
1894 The Madison Institute.
\\\//
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Subj: Matrimony
Made Easy
This is not a joke. And
"How to Marry the Man of Your Choice"
(Matrimonial Press Report) is
not a jokebook. At $95, this
167-page textbook, written by
Margaret Kent, an attorney from
Key Biscayne, Florida, is subtitled
"The Marriage Manual for
Single Women." It tells
us, "This book will teach you how to
determine what a man really
wants in a wife... Consider all
men living laboratories and
test the results for yourself...
Start with lesser men for training."
For those of you who
can't afford the 95 bucks (never
mind the $1295 for the course
the book accompanies), here
are a few things women don't tell
men.
On Appearance
Excessive use of perfume makes
a woman less desirable. Per-
fumes are manufactured from
fragrances of herbs, flowers,
and other substances that are
put into some medium that is
strong enough to hold the odor.
That medium is often
ambergris...a secretion from
the intestines of the sperm
whale. In other words,
you and your man may smell the odor
of whale puke instead of enjoying
the fragrance of flowers
or herbs.
Cleanliness is especially important.
If a woman uses enough
soap and has that clean, fresh
look that a recent shower
gives, she could wear a potato
sack and still be desirable
for her male.
T-shirts are great. It
doesn't take much male imagination
to know that in less than five
seconds, they are off over
your head.
Food particles between the teeth,
especially the front teeth,
are highly undesirable.
On Dating
If you need to pass gas (fart),
excuse yourself from his
presence. Try not to destroy
illusions by unpleasant odors.
If you need to pass gas, face
him.
If you must chew gum and smoke,
do not do both at the same
time.
Eat the food on your plate only. Leave his food for him.
Be a bitch, not a nag... Bitchy females get the men.
Don't pay much attention to the
anger your man expresses
before dinner. He is hungry
and everything bothers him.
Gourmet cooking is not required
for most men. However,
most women would do better in
attracting a man if they
devoted a fraction of the time
they spent in learning
bedroom techniques to learning
kitchen techniques.
On Sex
Never deny sex, because that
dooms any ideas of his marrying
you.
Don't expect him to sleep on
crumpled or wet sheets. If
necessary, you should sleep
on the wet... (missing some
words here)... some anger in
your male, but not furor,
before sex.
After sex, the male is exhausted
and has no immediate need
of you as a female...
After intercourse, the man will have
little energy left. Be
prepared to revive him with coffee,
sweets, and appetizing snacks.
If the relationship continues
to be nonsexual after an
extended period of time, the
man may not be normal.
If a man suffers from premature
ejaculation, just make him
prolong satisfaction slightly
so he holds out an extra
moment. Let us say it
takes him a minute to satisfy...
Bet him that the next time you
have sex, he will satisfy
in a minute and a half.
Prepare yourself emotionally
for the sex act by fancying
yourself in the presence of
a surrogate partner you have
longed for in the past.
If you have fired up your imag-
ination to a climactic state,
your man can easily
satisfy you.
Virginity is looked upon favorably
by some religious
fanatics, recent immigrants
from tradition-bound societies,
and men who have never had sex.
The typical male views virginity
in the mature female as a
curse, not a blessing.
If an adult woman tells her male
that she is a virgin, he
is likely to wonder why no man
has wanted her before.
On Things Women Know About Men
Men love to tell their stories!
They love to tell about
themselves to a point that they
become boring.
Anticipation conditions a conventional
male, who was on the
losing side of the revolution,
into believing he will receive
something of great value in
the initial and subsequent sexual
acts.
If we tell our males at six P.M.
that we are lovely, they may
have the mental energy to fight
off this idea... If your
male is particularly tired and
exhausted, he is especially
susceptible to your suggestions.
His exhaustion is especially
useful for implanting the ideas
of your worth, especially that
you are lovely, good, desirable,
and would be the perfect wife.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
Wedding Jokes (S157)
 |
Subj:
Bizarro Comics On Wedding Ceremonies (S598b)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 7/1/2008 |
| Subj:
Best Wedding Dance (S566c)
From: darrellvip on 11/26/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
The Wedding Picture (S512)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/8/2006 |
| Subj:
Wedding Announcements (S501c)
From: drgolfmd on 8/26/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Redneck Wedding Cake (S487c in Redneck-Supp)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/20/2006 |
| Subj:
Redneck Wedding (S472)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/24/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Man's Wedding Vows (S469)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/13/2006 |
| Subj:
Wedding Cake Topper (S432b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/9/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Where
To Live After The Wedding? (S420)
From:igiggle on 2/10/2005
Jim and Mike were in the bar,
mulling over Mike's problems,
"Alice and I want to get married,"
said Mike, "but we can't
find anywhere to live."
"Why don't you live with Alice's parents?" suggested Jim.
"We can't do that," said Mike,
"they're still living with
their parents!"
 |
Subj:
eBay - 2 Wedding Invitations For Sale (S417)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/24/2005 |
Top
Subj: The
Brides Present To Her Father (S415)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 1/8/2005
All eyes were on the radiant
bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle. They
reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed something in
his hand. The guests in
the front pews responded with
ripples of laughter. Even the
priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in
marriage, the bride gave him
back his credit card.
Top
Subj: The
Groom Who Drooled (S292)
From: jerry on 9/4/2002
A well-attended wedding ceremony
in Uganda was immediately
terminated when the bride suddenly
realized that man she
was about to marry was not the
same one she was introduced
to when she noticed the man
was drooling continually from
the mouth.
Apparently the bride's parents
were in on the conspiracy
to have their daughter married
off to the suitor's older
brother.
Australian Broadcasting Corp
30-Aug-02
Top
Subj: Little
Boy At A Wedding (S259b)
From: spyda on 1/11/2002
A little boy was attending his
first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asked him,
"How many women can a man
marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he
had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?" "Easy,"
the little boy said. "All
you have to do is add it up,
like the Bishop said: 4
better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4
poorer"
Top
Subj: Why
Are Wedding Dresses White? (S135, S567)
From: thebartend on 8/26/99
and
From: ginafm on 12/4/2007
A fresh-faced lad on the eve
of his wedding night goes to his
mother with the following question.
"Mom, why are wedding
dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and
replies, "Son, this shows
the town that your bride is
pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes
off to double-check this
with his father. "Dad why are
wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in
surprise and says, "Son, all
household appliances come in
white."
From LAWS
file.
In Raleigh, North Carolina,
before a man asks for a woman’s
hand in marriage, he must be
“inspected by all the barnyard
animals on the young woman’s
family’s property, to ensure a
harmonious farm life.”
From: humorlist-digest V2 #117 on 98-05-12
Attending a wedding for the
first time, a little girl whispered to
her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of
happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life," her
mother tried to explain, keeping it
simple.
The child thought about
this for a moment, then said, "So
why's the groom wearing
black?"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #1 on 98-01-01
Scientists have discovered a
food that diminishes a women's sex
drive by 90 percent.... Wedding
cake!!!
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop
before the wedding.
From: KMACINTY on 4/12/2001 9S219)
"I am" is reportedly the shortest
sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I
do" is the longest sentence?
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/10/2001
(S232)
"I went to a wedding...I couldn't
believe the groom was
married in rented shoes.
You're making a commitment for
a lifetime, and your shoes have
to be back by five-thirty."
-- Jerry Seinfeld
From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2002 (S263)
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife
or death.
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
With her marriage she got a
new name and a dress.
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/28/2004
(S406b - love)
Two antennas meet on a roof,
fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but
the reception was excellent.
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/13/2004 (S452b)
"The appropriate age for marriage
is around eighteen
for girls and thirty-seven
for men." -- Aristotle.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/22/2006
(S509b)
"Always get married early in
the morning. That way, if it
doesn't work out, you haven't
wasted a whole day."
-- Mickey Rooney
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
Q: How can you tell if you're
at a bulemic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the
girl.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start
throwing rice.
From: gsm on 01/31/2000
Q: Why does a bride smile when
she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her
last blow job
Q: How do you turn a fox into
an elephant?
A: Marry her!
From: JBCARY1 on 7/16/2002 (S285b)
Q: Why does the bride always
wear white?
A: Because it's good for the
dishwasher
to match the stove
and refrigerator.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/17/2005 (S421b)
Q: What could be described as
a case of wife or death?
A: A shotgun wedding
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smileys want to marry from
Smiley_Central |