Subj: Wedding Jokes and Stories
(Includes 44 jokes and articles, 11844,11,cf)
Click "Here" for Wedding-Supp
Just Married Car
Also see ASIAN-CHINESE- 'Chinese
Couple Names Wong Have A Baby'
BANKING-SUPP - 'The Moneylender'
......................- 'Inheriting From Sickly Father'
BIRDS-PARROT - 'Farmer's Parrot Screws Turkeys'
BIRTHDAYS - 'Banning Birthday Presents'
BODY_PARTS - 'Needing Surgery On A Bad Ear'
CONDOM file - 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister'
......................- 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II' - Movie
DATING3 file - 'Asking Your Date To Marry You'
......................- 'Hank Breaks Up With His Fiancee'
......................- 'Food And The Sex Drive'
......................- 'Bringing Home The Fiance'
ELDERLY1 file- 'Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married'
......................- 'Very Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married'
ELDERLY1-SUPP- 'Senior Preneptual Agreement'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Grandfather Explains Sex To Grandson'
FACTS4 file - 'Divorce From 'I do' At Wedding'
FACTS4 file - 'A Little History From the 1500s'
FOOD-ETC file- 'Dietician's Speech'
FOOD-SUPP - 'Doctor Gives Lecture On Dangerous Foods'
FOURTHofJuly - 'Twins Born On The Fourth Of July'
FUNERAL file - 'The Wedding Gift'
......................- 'Good Answer....... '
GAYS file - 'Gay Wedding Etiquette'
HORSE file - 'Five Funny Horse Race Videos'
JEWISH2 file - 'Three Jewish Sons Marry'
......................- 'Two Jewish Women Discuss Herpes'
KIDS1 file - 'Johnny Wants To Marry Susie'
KIDS5 file - 'Two Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married'
KNIGHT file - 'Reversing a Curse'
......................- 'King Arthur And What Women Want'
LOVE file - 'Two Brooms In Love'
MANNERS file - 'Dear Abby - Wedding Preparations'
MARRIAGE4 - 'How To Be A Good Wife??'
.........MOTHERS file - 'Son Brings Home His Future Bride'
.........NATIONAL-STS - 'A West Virginia Love Story'
PILOT file - 'Pilot Engaged To Two Ladies'
PLANE-SUPP2 - 'In Descent Proposal' - Movie
POLICE2 file - 'Small Town Cop Stops Speeder'
REDNECK-SUPP - 'Jim-Bob Wants To Get Married'
TEAR JERKER2 - 'The Wallet'
WED-HONEYMOON- (See whole file)
The Ring (S502)
To view this short, funny movie on my web site click 'HERE'.
Subj: Wedding Dress For Sale On EBay (S379b)
From: jokes on 5/5/2004
This is the funniest thing I
have read in a year. Read it
all. This guy is going on radio and TV because of this sale.
In 90 days EBay will pull the funniest thing I've read in a
year. What a loss.
For Sale: One Slightly Used Size
12 Wedding Gown. Only worn
twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.
Divorce forces sale
I found my ex-wife's wedding
dress in the attic when I moved.
She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. I was
actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce
became final, but my sister talked me out of it. She said,
"That’s such a gorgeous dress. Some lucky girl would be glad
to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something
back for it." So, this is what I’m doing.
Subj: The Wedding (S355b)
From: DoctorDebt on 11/20/2003
You are at the wedding...
You are a total Diva...
The best dress, a perfect hairdo...
You fall in love with an invited guest...
You get secret looks the entire night...
On the dance floor, he's
by your side
You are the couple of the evening...
The anticipated moment
has arrived for
The bride is about to
You are first in line,
in a strategic
Once there, you wait for
You look at him sensually,
If I catch the bouquet...I
then, the moment
bride throws the
doesn't stop looking
jump like never
Your arms stretched out...
Your hands open...
Subj: Mother's Wedding Dress (S309b, S690b)
From: auntiegah on 4/24/2007
and From: ginafm on 4/7/2010
The wedding day was fast approaching.
Everything was ready,
and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her
parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother Sheila finally found
the PERFECT dress to wear
and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified
to learn her new young
stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She
asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused,
"Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this dress; I'll look
like a million in it!"
Jennifer told her mother, who
graciously replied, "Never
mind dear. I'll get another dress, after all it's YOUR
special day, not hers."
Two weeks later, another dress
was finally found. When
they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "What
are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you
should return it. You don't have any place to wear it."
Sheila grinned and replied, "Of
course, I do, dear! I'm
wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"
......Now what woman wouldn't like this story?!
Subj: Bride Nervous About Errors (S284b)
From: thebartend on 7/9/2002
During the weeks before Brenda's
wedding, she was terribly
anxious about making mistakes at the ceremony.
The minister reassured her several
times, pointing out that
the service was not difficult and that she would do just fine.
"All you have to remember," He
said, "is that when you enter
the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man
will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the
congregation to sing a HYMN.... Then we shall get on with
the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in
which those things happen and you can't go wrong."
The happy day finally arrived,
and the bridegroom waited
nervously for his bride to appear.
When she arrived and stood alongside
him, he heard her
quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle,
At that very moment, the bridegroom
realized that his
friends who had warned him about marriage were correct,
as her thoughts which he could now hear quite clearly -
"I'll alter him. I'll alter him."
Subj: Groom Pays For Special Vows
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com 9/8/99
During the wedding rehearsal,
the groom approached the pastor
with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if
you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love,
honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her
forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding,
and the bride and groom have
moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the
young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate
yourself before her, obey her
every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning
of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife
that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as
you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around,
and said in a tiny voice,
After the wedding, the groom
pulled the pastor aside and hissed,
"I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put the $100 bill
into the groom's hand and whispered
back, "She made me a much better offer."
Subj: Mail Order Groom (S121)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 5/21/99
Two women in the one horse town
of Parched Gulch had
daughters, each of marriageable age. But there were
no prospective husbands in town due to shootings, running
off with outlaws and drunk riding. And there was no chance
at all of any bridegrooms turning up.
The two mothers pooled their
meager resources, advertised,
and sure enough, they got results: twin brothers in Cactus
Corners looking for wives. The twin bridegrooms were sent
Along the way the twins met up
with outlaws. One was killed,
the other escaped. Upon his arrival, the mothers were in
immediate conflict as to whom the surviving twin belonged.
They were going to kill each other over it. After all, each
had a daughter's future at stake.
They took the case to Judge A.K.
disbarred, but with Solomonic frontier wisdom. After due
deliberation, Hornswoggle ruled that the young man be chopped
in half and one half awarded to each daughter.
The first mother was outraged.
If Hornswoggle wasn't drunk or
stupid, he was a monster for suggesting such a thing.
The second mother thought it would not be a bad solution.
And pointing to the second mother,
Hornswoggle said, "Your
daughter gets him. You are the real mother-in-law."
Subj: Irish Wedding Turns Into A Fight (S109)
From: smiles on 99-03-05
A wedding occurred, just outside
Cavan in Ireland. To keep
tradition going, everyone got pissed and the bride's and
groom's families had a storming rage and begin wrecking
the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of
The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members
of both families appear in
court. The fight continues in the court room until the
Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer,
shouting "Silence in Court."
The court room goes silent and
Paddy (the best man) stands
up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding
and I think I should explain what happened."
The Judge agrees and asks Paddy
to take the stand. Paddy
begins his explanation by telling the court that it is
traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the
first dance with the Bride.
The judge says "OK."
"Well", said Paddy, "After I
had finished the first dance,
the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second
song, and after that the music kept going and I was
dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the
Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the
Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."
The Judge instantly responded... "Wow..that must have hurt!"
Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers!"
Subj: If Men Were In Charge Of Weddings:
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #222 on 98-01-14
There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger"
rather than a "Rehearsal
Bridesmaids would wear matching
blue jean cut-offs and halter
tops. They would have NO tan lines.
Tuxes would have team logos on
the back and
the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.
June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
Vows would mention cooking and
but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
The couple would leave the ceremony
in a souped up '73 Charger
or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the
side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
Idiots who tried to dance with
the bride (unless they were
really old) would get punched in the head.
Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
There would be "Tailgate Receptions".
Outdoor weddings would be held
during sporting events at half-
time or between innings.
Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
Ceremonies and honeymoons would
be inexpensive compared to
the cost of the bachelor party. Those strippers and liquor
sure do add up.
Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what
do you think, dear? The
burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab
extras from their local pub or tavern.
Favors would be matchbooks and
cigars. Better yet, free
drink passes at the local lounge.
The bride's dress would show
cleavage, her navel, and be
form-fitted to her butt.
Instead of a sit-down dinner
or a buffet, there would be a
hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
No one would bother with that
"Veil Routine". But they would
insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
The bridal bouquet would be recycled
from a previous funeral
Invitations would read as follow...
Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the ol' ball and chain...
He's getting married. He either:
A) knocked her up,
B) couldn't get a different roommate,
or C) caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him For the
rest of his life at Texas Stadium On the 50 Yard Line At Half-
time during Sunday's Game. Please join us at The Clubhouse
after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B.
Subj: The Wedding Night And Teeth (S49)
From: cplai on Date: 23 Jan 89
Once upon a time, there was a village.
The people in the village were
extremely conservative. No
one talked about sex. Newlyweds had to figure out how to
do such business on their own because no one ever talked
about it in their lifetime.
A mischievous couple decided
to pull a practical joke on
a pair of people getting married.
The man pulled the groom-to-be
aside and talked to him
privately: "I know it is not appropriate to talk to you
about sex life. But you are getting married soon, I don't
want you to get hurt."
"What is it? What is it?
Let me know," the ignorant
groom eagerly asked.
The man first told him what sex
was all about. And he
said, "But ... , you have to be careful. Some women grow
teeth in their 'private place'. Some poor men have lost
their valuable body part to these ruthless jaws."
"How should I find out?
What should I do on the first
"Fear not, young man. Let
me tell you what to do. Don't
take any risks. On the first night, test her first with
The woman also talked to the
bride-to-be in private: "You
are getting married soon. I cannot resist warning you..."
The bride also eagerly asked for advice.
The woman first explained to
her what would happen in bed
the first night, then she said, "Some men have a HUGE life-
threatening penis. If you have sex with this type of man,
you may not survive."
"Oh, please help me. What should I do?" The bride was scared.
"Well, let me tell you what I
did on my first night," she
lied. "I sharpened my finger nails and put my hand in front
of my vulnerable spot, and grabbed anything that approached."
In the wedding night, the shy
newlywed slipped into bed in
pitch darkness. Moments later, both screamed in horror.
... And they slept separately ever after.
Subj: A Groom With Balls (S498c)
From: darrell94590 on 8/7/2006
Okay kids, here's the story that
tops them all. If any of
you guys out there have ever thought you have balls, forget
aboutit. This is a true story that just happened at a
wedding at Clemson. A buddy of mine from my baseball team
knows a guy that was at the wedding.
This was a huge wedding with
about 300 guests. After the
wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to
thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to
support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank
the bride's and groom's families for coming. To thank every-
one for coming and bearing gifts and everything, he said he
wanted to give everyone a gift from him. So taped to the
bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said
that was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manila envelope was
an 8x10 picture of his best
man having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten
suspicious of the two of them and hireda private detective
to trail them.) After he stood there and watched people's
reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man
and said "F*** you", he turned to the bride and said "F***
you", and then said "I'm out of here".
He got the marriage annulled
the next day. While most of
us would have broken it off immediately after we found out
about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway.
His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest
wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what
did happen, and trashing the bride's and best man's reput-
ations in front of friends, family, grandparents, etc.
This is a urban legend as explained
on Snopes.com at
Subj: Instruction And Advice For The Young Bride
The following is a reprint from
The Madison Institute
Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894:
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE
Conduct and Procedure of the
Intimate and Personal Relationships
of the Marriage State
Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
beloved wife of
The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year
of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
To the sensitive young woman
who has had the benefits of
proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both
the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the
positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the
bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring
ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to
provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the
negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the
bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the
first time the terrible experience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let
me concede one shocking
truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding
night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an
attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take
advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage
should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND
ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have
been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme.
While sex it at best revolting and at worse rather painful,
it has to be endured, and has been by women since the
beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous
home and by the children produced through it.
It is useless, in most cases,
for the bride to prevail upon
the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal
husband would be one who would approach his bride only at
her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring,
such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the
Most men, if not denied, would
demand sex almost every day.
The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual
experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As
time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this
frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are
among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments,
nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective,
if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband
would normally commence his seduction. Clever wives are
ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and
discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good
wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once
a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once
a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many
wives have managed to complete
their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of
terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this
time she can depend upon his love for the children and social
pressures to hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert
to keep the quantity of sex
as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention
to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most
men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance,
would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices.
These practices include among others performing the normal act
in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering
their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading
stories about sex, viewing
photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the
obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband
to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his
unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented,
should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have
found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves
and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in
separate rooms. They need not be removed durning the sex act.
Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her
gown and turned off all the
lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her
groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make
no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as
a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the
dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and
incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse
to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should
lie as still as possible.
Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual
excitement by the optimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on
the lips she should turn her
head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek
instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a
fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace
else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring
from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet.
This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden
If the husband attempts to seduce
her with lascivious talk,
the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual
question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the
conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at
Eventually, the husband will
learn that if he insists on
having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous
The wise wife will allow him
to pull the gown up no farther
than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his
pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent
or babble about her housework
while his huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie
perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or
groan while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband
has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him
about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the
morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual
satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after
the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is
no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he
might be encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which
the wife can be grateful is
the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social
environment have been working together all through his life
to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his
sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch
apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and
subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and
relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to
annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual
expression. Copyright 1894 The Madison Institute.
Subj: Matrimony Made Easy
This is not a joke. And
"How to Marry the Man of Your Choice"
(Matrimonial Press Report) is not a jokebook. At $95, this
167-page textbook, written by Margaret Kent, an attorney from
Key Biscayne, Florida, is subtitled "The Marriage Manual for
Single Women." It tells us, "This book will teach you how to
determine what a man really wants in a wife... Consider all
men living laboratories and test the results for yourself...
Start with lesser men for training." For those of you who
can't afford the 95 bucks (never mind the $1295 for the course
the book accompanies), here are a few things women don't tell
Excessive use of perfume makes
a woman less desirable. Per-
fumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers,
and other substances that are put into some medium that is
strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often
ambergris...a secretion from the intestines of the sperm
whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor
of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers
Cleanliness is especially important.
If a woman uses enough
soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower
gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable
for her male.
T-shirts are great. It
doesn't take much male imagination
to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over
Food particles between the teeth,
especially the front teeth,
are highly undesirable.
If you need to pass gas (fart),
excuse yourself from his
presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors.
If you need to pass gas, face him.
If you must chew gum and smoke,
do not do both at the same
Eat the food on your plate only. Leave his food for him.
Be a bitch, not a nag... Bitchy females get the men.
Don't pay much attention to the
anger your man expresses
before dinner. He is hungry and everything bothers him.
Gourmet cooking is not required
for most men. However,
most women would do better in attracting a man if they
devoted a fraction of the time they spent in learning
bedroom techniques to learning kitchen techniques.
Never deny sex, because that
dooms any ideas of his marrying
Don't expect him to sleep on
crumpled or wet sheets. If
necessary, you should sleep on the wet... (missing some
words here)... some anger in your male, but not furor,
After sex, the male is exhausted
and has no immediate need
of you as a female... After intercourse, the man will have
little energy left. Be prepared to revive him with coffee,
sweets, and appetizing snacks.
If the relationship continues
to be nonsexual after an
extended period of time, the man may not be normal.
If a man suffers from premature
ejaculation, just make him
prolong satisfaction slightly so he holds out an extra
moment. Let us say it takes him a minute to satisfy...
Bet him that the next time you have sex, he will satisfy
in a minute and a half.
Prepare yourself emotionally
for the sex act by fancying
yourself in the presence of a surrogate partner you have
longed for in the past. If you have fired up your imag-
ination to a climactic state, your man can easily
Virginity is looked upon favorably
by some religious
fanatics, recent immigrants from tradition-bound societies,
and men who have never had sex.
The typical male views virginity
in the mature female as a
curse, not a blessing.
If an adult woman tells her male
that she is a virgin, he
is likely to wonder why no man has wanted her before.
On Things Women Know About Men
Men love to tell their stories!
They love to tell about
themselves to a point that they become boring.
Anticipation conditions a conventional
male, who was on the
losing side of the revolution, into believing he will receive
something of great value in the initial and subsequent sexual
If we tell our males at six P.M.
that we are lovely, they may
have the mental energy to fight off this idea... If your
male is particularly tired and exhausted, he is especially
susceptible to your suggestions. His exhaustion is especially
useful for implanting the ideas of your worth, especially that
you are lovely, good, desirable, and would be the perfect wife.
Subj: Short Wedding Jokes (S157)
Bizarro Comics On Wedding Ceremonies (S598b)
Best Wedding Dance (S566c)
The Wedding Picture (S512)
Wedding Announcements (S501c)
Redneck Wedding Cake (S487c in Redneck-Supp)
Redneck Wedding (S472)
Man's Wedding Vows (S469)
Wedding Cake Topper (S432b)
Subj: Where To Live After The Wedding? (S420)
From:igiggle on 2/10/2005
Jim and Mike were in the bar, mulling over Mike's problems,
"Alice and I want to get married," said Mike, "but we can't
find anywhere to live."
"Why don't you live with Alice's parents?" suggested Jim.
"We can't do that," said Mike,
"they're still living with
eBay - 2 Wedding Invitations For Sale (S417)
Subj: The Brides Present To Her Father (S415)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 1/8/2005
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in
his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with
ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in
marriage, the bride gave him
back his credit card.
Subj: The Groom Who Drooled (S292)
From: jerry on 9/4/2002
A well-attended wedding ceremony in Uganda was immediately
terminated when the bride suddenly realized that man she
was about to marry was not the same one she was introduced
to when she noticed the man was drooling continually from
Apparently the bride's parents
were in on the conspiracy
to have their daughter married off to the suitor's older
Australian Broadcasting Corp
Subj: Little Boy At A Wedding (S259b)
From: spyda on 1/11/2002
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man
marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he
had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All
you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4
better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Subj: Why Are Wedding Dresses White? (S135, S567)
From: thebartend on 8/26/99
and From: ginafm on 12/4/2007
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his
mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding
The mother looks at her son and
replies, "Son, this shows
the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes
off to double-check this
with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in
surprise and says, "Son, all
household appliances come in white."
In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman’s
hand in marriage, he must be “inspected by all the barnyard
animals on the young woman’s family’s property, to ensure a
harmonious farm life.”
From: humorlist-digest V2 #117 on 98-05-12
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to
her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of
happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it
The child thought about
this for a moment, then said, "So
why's the groom wearing black?"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #1 on 98-01-01
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex
drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
From: KMACINTY on 4/12/2001 9S219)
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/10/2001
"I went to a wedding...I couldn't believe the groom was
married in rented shoes. You're making a commitment for
a lifetime, and your shoes have to be back by five-thirty."
-- Jerry Seinfeld
From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2002 (S263)
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/28/2004
(S406b - love)
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/13/2004 (S452b)
"The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen
for girls and thirty-seven for men." -- Aristotle.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/22/2006
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it
doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
-- Mickey Rooney
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
From: gsm on 01/31/2000
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job
Q: How do you turn a fox into
A: Marry her!
From: JBCARY1 on 7/16/2002 (S285b)
Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Because it's good for the dishwasher
to match the stove and refrigerator.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/17/2005 (S421b)
Q: What could be described as a case of wife or death?
A: A shotgun wedding
|Smileys want to marry from