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Subj:  Wedding Jokes and Stories
            (Includes 46 jokes and articles, 17987n,15,cf,wYT,9)

       Click "Here" for Wedding-Supp
 


Just Married Car
from
Gifarchiv.net
Includes the following:  Mr. Bean's Wedding - Video (S764 in Supp)
.........................British Wedding Photographer - Video (S927 in Supp)
.........................The Fork - Short Film (S862 in Supp)
.........................Isaac's Live Lip-Dub Proposal - Video (S914 in Supp)
.........................Father Of The Bride's Speech To The Groom - Vid (S844-Supp)
.........................The Wedding Night And Teeth (S49 in Supp)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (S648 in Supp)
.........................My Waffle Wedded Wife - Video (S812 in Supp)
.........................Kim Kardashian SNL Fairytale Divorce - Video (S773 in Supp)
.........................Bud Light Wedding Commercial (S788 in Supp)
.........................Two Brooms Get Married (S824 in Supp)
.........................Disney Flashmob Wedding Proposal - Video (S768 in Supp)
.........................Greatest Marriage Proposal Ever - Video (S748 in Supp)
.........................Surprise Wedding: Bride Had No Idea - Video (S761 in Supp)
.........................Eighty Year Old Woman Has Fourth Marriage (S794 in Supp)
.........................The T-Mobile Royal Wedding - Video (S741 in Supp)
.........................Arranged Indian Marriage Commercial (S714 in Supp)
.........................The Clumsy Best Man - Video (S617c in Supp)
.........................The Wedding Ring Finger - Video (S627c in Supp)
.........................Matrimony Made Easy (DU in Supp)
.........................
.........................Taking The Plunge - Animated Short Film (S958)
.........................The Brides Present To Her Father (S415)
.........................Non Sequitur Cartoon (S928)
.........................Mother's Wedding Dress (S309b, S690b)
.........................The Ring - Video (S502)
.........................Wedding Dress For Sale On EBay (S379b)
.........................Herman Cartoon II (S874)
.........................Bride Nervous About Errors (S284b)
.........................Groom Pays For Special Vows
.........................Bizarro Comics On Wedding Ceremonies (S598b)
.........................Mail Order Groom (S121)
.........................Irish Wedding Turns Into A Fight (S109)
.........................Herman Cartoon (S752)
.........................If Men Were In Charge Of Weddings:)
.........................A Groom With Balls (S498c)
.........................The Wedding (S355b)
.........................Instruction And Advice For The Young Bride
.........................Short Wedding Jokes (S157)
..............................Herman Cartoon II (S874 in Supp)
..............................Herman Cartoon (S752 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Best Wedding Dance - Video (S566c)
..............................The Groom Who Drooled (S292)
..............................The Wedding Picture (S512)
..............................Wedding Announcements (S501c)
..............................Little Boy At A Wedding (S259b)
..............................Redneck Wedding Cake (S487c)
..............................Redneck Wedding (S472)
..............................Why Are Wedding Dresses White? (S135, S567)
..............................Man's Wedding Vows (S469)
..............................Wedding Cake Topper (S432b)
..............................Where To Live After The Wedding? (S420)
..............................eBay - 2 Wedding Invitations For Sale (S417)

Also see ASIAN-CHINESE- 'Chinese Couple Names Wong Have A Baby'
         BANKING-SUPP - 'The Moneylender'
......................- 'Inheriting From Sickly Father'
         BIRDS-PARROT - 'Farmer's Parrot Screws Turkeys'
         BIRTHDAYS    - 'Banning Birthday Presents'
         BODY_PARTS   - 'Needing Surgery On A Bad Ear'
.........CONDOM file  - 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister'
......................- 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II' - Video
......................- 'The Ring' - Photo
         DATING3 file - 'Asking Your Date To Marry You'
......................- 'Hank Breaks Up With His Fiancee'
......................- 'Food And The Sex Drive'
......................- 'Bringing Home The Fiance'
         ELDERLY1 file- 'Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married'
......................- 'Very Elderly Couple Plan To Get Married'
         ELDERLY1-SUPP- 'Senior Preneptual Agreement'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'Grandfather Explains Sex To Grandson'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Divorce From 'I do' At Wedding'
         FACTS4 file  - 'A Little History From the 1500s'
         FOOD-ETC file- 'Dietician's Speech'
         FOOD-SUPP    - 'Doctor Gives Lecture On Dangerous Foods'
         FOURTHofJuly - 'Twins Born On The Fourth Of July'
         FUNERAL file - 'The Wedding Gift'
......................- 'Good Answer....... '
         GAYS file    - 'Gay Wedding Etiquette'
         HORSE file   - 'Five Funny Horse Race Videos'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Three Jewish Sons Marry'
......................- 'Two Jewish Women Discuss Herpes'
         KIDS1 file   - 'Johnny Wants To Marry Susie'
         KIDS5 file   - 'Two Six-Year_Olds Want To Get Married'
         KNIGHT file  - 'Reversing a Curse'
......................- 'King Arthur And What Women Want'
         LOVE file    - 'Two Brooms In Love'
         MANNERS file - 'Dear Abby - Wedding Preparations'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'How To Be A Good Wife??'
.........MOTHERS file - 'Son Brings Home His Future Bride'
.........NATIONAL-STS - 'A West Virginia Love Story'
         PILOT file   - 'Pilot Engaged To Two Ladies'
         PLANE-SUPP2  - 'In Descent Proposal' - Video
         POLICE2 file - 'Small Town Cop Stops Speeder'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Jim-Bob Wants To Get Married'
         SWEDISH_ETC  - 'Norwegian Wedding' - Video
         TEAR-JERKER2 - 'The Wallet'
         TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Peter Pan Proposes To Wendy' - Video
         WED-HONEYMOON-  (See whole file)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Taking The Plunge (S958d)
          Created by Mir 3D
          Posted by You STAFF PICKS
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/mtIUZBV9Ka4
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this six minute, short film.
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Top
Subj:     The Brides Present To Her Father (S415)
          From: CHRISDADDYG on 1/8/2005
 All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
 her down the aisle.  They reached the altar and the waiting
 groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in
 his hand.  The guests in the front pews responded with
 ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

 As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him
 back his credit card.

Top
Subj:     Non Sequitur Cartoon (S928)
          By Wiley Miller on 10/18/2014
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2014/10/18
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Top
Subj:     Mother's Wedding Dress (S309b, S690b)
          From: auntiegah on 4/24/2007
      and From: ginafm on 4/7/2010

 The wedding day was fast approaching.  Everything was ready,
 and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her
 parents' nasty divorce.

 Her mother Sheila finally found the PERFECT dress to wear
 and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!

 A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young
 stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress.  She
 asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused,
 "Absolutely not!  I'm going to wear this dress; I'll look
 like a million in it!"

 Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, "Never
 mind dear.  I'll get another dress, after all it's YOUR
 special day, not hers."

 Two weeks later, another dress was finally found.  When
 they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "What
 are you going to do with the first dress?  Maybe you
 should return it.  You don't have any place to wear it."

 Sheila grinned and replied, "Of course, I do, dear!  I'm
 wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

 ......Now what woman wouldn't like this story?!

Top
Subj:     The Ring (S502d)
          From: auntiegah on 9/7/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/UXVUjlJWxls

 In this Holeproof Underdaks commercial, when the Best Man
 loses the ring, misunderstandings can occur.  Click 'HERE'
 to see this silly film.

Top
Subj:     Wedding Dress For Sale On EBay (S379b)
          From: jokes on 5/5/2004

 This is the funniest thing I have read in a year.  Read it
 all.  This guy is going on radio and TV because of this sale.
 In 90 days EBay will pull the funniest thing I've read in a
 year.  What a loss.

 http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem?item=4146756343

 For Sale: One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn
 twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.

 Make: Victoria

 Style: 611
 
 
 
 

 Size: 12

 Divorce forces sale
 
 

 I found my ex-wife's wedding dress in the attic when I moved.
 She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress.  I was
 actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce
 became final, but my sister talked me out of it.  She said,
 "That's such a gorgeous dress.  Some lucky girl would be glad
 to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something
 back for it."  So, this is what I'm doing.

Top
Subj:     Herman Cartoon (S874)
          By Jim Unger on 10/8/2013
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2013/10/08
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Top
Subj:     Bride Nervous About Errors (S284b)
          From: thebartend on 7/9/2002

 During the weeks before Brenda's wedding, she was terribly
 anxious about making mistakes at the ceremony.

 The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that
 the service was not difficult and that she would do just fine.

 "All you have to remember," He said, "is that when you enter
 the church you walk up the AISLE.  The groom and best man
 will be waiting before the ALTAR.  Then I shall request the
 congregation to sing a HYMN.... Then we shall get on with
 the ceremony.  All you have to remember is the order in
 which those things happen and you can't go wrong."

 The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited
 nervously for his bride to appear.

 When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her
 quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle,
 altar, hymn."

 At that very moment, the bridegroom realized that his
 friends who had warned him about marriage were correct,
 as her thoughts which he could now hear quite clearly -
 "I'll alter him. I'll alter him."

Top
Subj:     Groom Pays For Special Vows
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com 9/8/99

 During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor
 with an unusual offer.

 "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
 When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love,
 honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her
 forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."
 He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

 It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have
 moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
 When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the
 young man in the eye and says:

 "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her
 every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning
 of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife
 that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as
 you both shall live?"

 The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,
 "Yes."

 After the wedding, the groom pulled the pastor aside and hissed,
 "I thought we had a deal."

 The pastor put the $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered
 back, "She made me a much better offer."

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Comics On Wedding Ceremonies (S598b)
          By Dan Piraro on 7/1/2008
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/july-1-2008/
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Top
Subj:     Mail Order Groom (S121)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 5/21/99

 Two women in the one horse town of Parched Gulch had
 daughters, each of marriageable age.  But there were
 no prospective husbands in town due to shootings, running
 off with outlaws and drunk riding.  And there was no chance
 at all of any bridegrooms turning up.

 The two mothers pooled their meager resources, advertised,
 and sure enough, they got results: twin brothers in Cactus
 Corners looking for wives.  The twin bridegrooms were sent
 for.

 Along the way the twins met up with outlaws.  One was killed,
 the other escaped.  Upon his arrival, the mothers were in
 immediate conflict as to whom the surviving twin belonged.
 They were going to kill each other over it.  After all, each
 had a daughter's future at stake.

 They took the case to Judge A.K. Hornswoggle, alcoholic,
 disbarred, but with Solomonic frontier wisdom.  After due
 deliberation, Hornswoggle ruled that the young man be chopped
 in half and one half awarded to each daughter.

 The first mother was outraged. If Hornswoggle wasn't drunk or
 stupid, he was a monster for suggesting such a thing.

 The second mother thought it would not be a bad solution.

 And pointing to the second mother, Hornswoggle said, "Your
 daughter gets him.  You are the real mother-in-law."

Top
Subj:     Irish Wedding Turns Into A Fight (S109)
          From: smiles on 99-03-05

 A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland.  To keep
 tradition going, everyone got pissed and the bride's and
 groom's  families had a storming rage and begin wrecking
 the reception  room and generally kicking the crap out of
 each other.

 The police get called in to break up the fight.

 The following week, all members of both families appear in
 court.  The fight continues in the court room until the
 Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer,
 shouting "Silence in Court."

 The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands
 up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding
 and I think I should explain what happened."

 The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand.  Paddy
 begins his explanation by telling the court that it is
 traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the
 first dance with the Bride.

 The judge says "OK."

 "Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance,
 the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second
 song, and after that the music kept going and I was
 dancing to the third  song.. when all of a sudden the
 Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the
 Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

 The Judge instantly responded... "Wow..that must have hurt!"

 Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers!"

Top
Subj:     Herman Cartoon (S752)
          By Jim Unger on 6/15/2011
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2011/06/15
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Top
Subj:     If Men Were In Charge Of Weddings:
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #222 on 98-01-14

 There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger" rather than a "Rehearsal
 Dinner".

 Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter
 tops.  They would have NO tan lines.

 Tuxes would have team logos on the back and
 the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.

 June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.

 Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically,
 but omit that "forsaking all others" part.

 The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger
 or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the
 side of the car.  Better yet, a Harley!

 Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were
 really old) would get punched in the head.

 Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".

 There would be "Tailgate Receptions".

 Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-
 time or between innings.

 Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.

 Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to
 the cost of the bachelor party. Those strippers and liquor
 sure do add up.

 Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear?  The
 burgundy or the wine colored napkins?"  They'd just grab
 extras from their local pub or tavern.

 Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free
 drink passes at the local lounge.

 The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be
 form-fitted to her butt.

 Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a
 hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.

 No one would bother with that "Veil Routine".  But they would
 insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.

 The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral
 or something.

 Invitations would read as follow...
    Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the ol' ball  and chain...
    He's getting married. He either:
       A) knocked her up,
       B) couldn't get a different roommate,
    or C) caved in to her ultimatum.
 Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him For the
 rest of his life at Texas Stadium On the 50 Yard Line At Half-
 time during Sunday's Game.  Please join us at The Clubhouse
 after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza.  Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B.

Top
Subj:     A Groom With Balls (S498c)
          From: darrell94590 on 8/7/2006

 Okay kids, here's the story that tops them all.  If any of
 you guys out there have ever thought you have balls, forget
 aboutit.  This is a true story that just happened at a
 wedding at Clemson.  A buddy of mine from my baseball team
 knows a guy that was at the wedding.

 This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.  After the
 wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
 microphone to talk to the crowd.  He said that he wanted to
 thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to
 support them at their wedding.  He especially wanted to thank
 the bride's and  groom's families for coming.  To thank every-
 one for coming and bearing gifts and everything, he said he
 wanted to give everyone a gift from him.  So taped to the
 bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope.  He said
 that was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.

 Inside the manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best
 man having sex with the bride.  (He must have gotten
 suspicious of the two of them and hireda private detective
 to trail them.)  After he stood there and watched people's
 reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man
 and said "F*** you", he turned to the bride and said "F***
 you", and then said "I'm out of here".

 He got the marriage annulled the next day.  While most of
 us would have broken it off immediately after we found out
 about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway.
 His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest
 wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what
 did happen, and trashing the bride's and best man's reput-
 ations in front of friends, family,  grandparents, etc.

 This is a urban legend as explained on Snopes.com at
 http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp

Top
Subj:     The Wedding (S355b)
          From: DoctorDebt on 11/20/2003
 
The Wedding

You are at the wedding...

You are a total Diva...

The best dress, a perfect hairdo...

You fall in love with an invited guest...

You get secret looks the entire night...

On the dance floor, he's by your side
constantly, ? he dances like a God...

You are the couple of the evening...

The anticipated moment has arrived for
all single women...

The bride is about to throw the
bouquet... 

You are first in line, in a strategic
position...
 
 

Once there, you wait for the right
moment...

You look at him sensually, and with
your eyes you tell him.....

If I catch the bouquet...I Will Marry
You! 

And then, the moment
you've been waiting for...

The bride throws the
bouquet...

He doesn't stop looking
at you...

You jump like never
before to catch the
bouquet... 

Your arms stretched out...

Your hands open...

And suddenly...

 

PRICELESS!!!!!!

Top
Subj:     Instruction And Advice For The Young Bride

 The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute
 Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894:

                  INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE
                         FOR THE
                       YOUNG BRIDE
                          on the
               Conduct and Procedure of the
           Intimate and Personal Relationships
                   of the Marriage State
                          for the
            Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
          Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
                            by
                      Ruth Smythers
                     beloved wife of
                The Reverend L.D. Smythers
             Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
         Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
                  Published in the year
                      of our Lord 1894
                 Spiritual Guidance Press
                       New York City
        INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE

 To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of
 proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both
 the happiest and most terrifying day of her life.  On the
 positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the
 bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring
 ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to
 provide for all her needs for the rest of her life.  On the
 negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the
 bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the
 first time the terrible experience of sex.

 At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking
 truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding
 night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure!  Beware such an
 attitude!  A selfish and sensual husband can  easily take
 advantage of such a bride.  One cardinal rule of marriage
 should never be forgotten:  GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND
 ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY.  Otherwise what could have
 been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
 On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme.
 While sex it at best revolting and at worse rather painful,
 it has to be endured, and has been by women since the
 beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous
 home and by the children produced through it.

 It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon
 the groom to forego the sexual initiation.  While the ideal
 husband would be one who would approach his bride only at
 her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring,
 such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the
 average man.

 Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day.
 The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual
 experiences weekly during the first months of marriage.  As
 time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this
 frequency.  Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are
 among the wife's best friends in this matter.  Arguments,
 nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective,
 if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband
 would normally commence his seduction.  Clever wives are
 ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and
 discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband.  A good
 wife should  expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once
 a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once
 a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

 By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete
 their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of
 terminating all sexual contacts with the husband.  By this
 time she can depend upon his love for the children and social
 pressures to hold the husband in the home.

 Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex
 as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention
 to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts.  Most
 men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance,
 would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices.
 These practices include among others performing the normal act
 in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering
 their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

 Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing
 photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the
 obnoxious habits the male  is likely to acquire if permitted.
 A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband
 to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his
 unclothed body to her.  Sex, when it cannot be prevented,
 should be practiced only in total darkness.  Many women have
 found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves
 and pajamas for their husbands.  These should be donned in
 separate rooms.  They need not be removed durning the sex act.
 Thus, a minimum of flesh is  exposed.

 Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the
 lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her
 groom.  When he comes groping into the room she should make
 no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as
 a sign of encouragement.  She should let him grope in the
 dark.  There is always the hope that he will stumble and
 incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse
 to deny him sexual access.

 When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible.
 Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual
 excitement by the optimistic husband.

 If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her
 head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek
 instead.  If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a
 fist.  If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace
 else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring
 from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet.
 This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden
 territory.

 If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk,
 the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual
 question to ask him.  Once he answers she should keep the
 conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at
 the time.

 Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on
 having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous
 embellishment.

 The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther
 than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his
 pajamas to thus make connection.

 She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework
 while his huffing and puffing away.  Above all, she will lie
 perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or
 groan while the act is in progress.  As soon as the husband
 has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him
 about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the
 morrow.  Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual
 satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after
 the act is over.  Thus the wife must insure  that there is
 no peace in this period for him to enjoy.  Otherwise, he
 might be encouraged to soon try for more.

 One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is
 the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social
 environment have been working together all through his life
 to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his
 sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch
 apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and
 subdued.  The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and
 relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to
 annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual
 expression.  Copyright 1894 The Madison Institute.


Subj:     Short Wedding Jokes (S157)
 

Top
Subj:     Best Wedding Dance (S566c,d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/26/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/YUv7_9ceVzQ
 This home made video has the best 'First dance' ever done
 at a reception.  Click 'HERE' to view this very cute video.
 

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Subj:     The Groom Who Drooled (S292)
          From: jerry on 9/4/2002
 A well-attended wedding ceremony in Uganda was immediately
 terminated when the bride suddenly realized that man she
 was about to marry was not the same one she was introduced
 to when she noticed the man was drooling continually from
 the mouth.

 Apparently the bride's parents were in on the conspiracy
 to have their daughter married off to the suitor's older
 brother.

 Australian Broadcasting Corp 30-Aug-02
 

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Subj:     The Wedding Picture (S512)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 11/8/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 The picture is funny, as long as you aren't the young boy
 that the family will remind of this picture every anniversary.
 You can view the photo at the source above, or on my site
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Wedding Announcements (S501c)
          From: drgolfmd on 8/26/2006
 I can't decide if these announcements are funny or not.
 You be the judge.  To view them on my site click 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Little Boy At A Wedding (S259b)
          From: spyda on 1/11/2002
 A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
 service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man
 marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded.

 His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
 "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All
 you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4
 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
 

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Subj:     Redneck Wedding Cake (S487c in Redneck-Supp)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/20/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 Southern ingenuity has always impressed frugal me.  This
 cake looks great.  You can view the cake at the source
 above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Redneck Wedding (S472)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/24/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 These are two actual photos from a Kentucky wedding.  You can
 view them at the sources above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Why Are Wedding Dresses White? (S135, S567)
          From: thebartend on 8/26/99
      and From: ginafm on 12/4/2007
 A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his
 mother with the following question.  "Mom, why are wedding
 dresses white?"

 The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows
 the town that your bride is pure."

 The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this
 with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

 The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all
 household appliances come in white."
 

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Subj:     Man's Wedding Vows (S469)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/13/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 This JPG cartoon can be seen at the source above, or on my
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Wedding Cake Topper (S432b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/9/2005
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can view this picture at the source above, or on my
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Where To Live After The Wedding? (S420)
          From:igiggle on 2/10/2005
 Jim and Mike were in the bar, mulling over Mike's problems,
 "Alice and I want to get married," said Mike, "but we can't
 find anywhere to live."

 "Why don't you live with Alice's parents?" suggested Jim.

 "We can't do that," said Mike, "they're still living with
 their parents!"
 

Top
Subj:     eBay - 2 Wedding Invitations For Sale (S417)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/24/2005
..........Source: (Removed from cgi.ebay.co.uk)
 A very cute story unfolds as you read through the
 supplementary descriptions.  Click 'HERE' to view.
 
 

From LAWS file.
 In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman's
 hand in marriage, he must be "inspected by all the barnyard
 animals on the young woman's family's property, to ensure a
 harmonious farm life."

From: humorlist-digest V2 #117 on 98-05-12
 Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to
 her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

 "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the
 happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it
 simple.

 The child  thought about this for a moment, then said, "So
 why's the groom wearing  black?"

From: humorlist-digest V2 #1 on 98-01-01
 Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex
 drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
 Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

From: KMACINTY on 4/12/2001 9S219)
 "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
 language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/10/2001 (S232)
 "I went to a wedding...I couldn't believe the groom was
 married in rented shoes.  You're making a commitment for
 a lifetime, and your shoes have to be back by five-thirty."
   -- Jerry Seinfeld

From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2002 (S263)
 Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

From: LABLaughsClean on 10/28/2004 (S406b - love)
 Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
 The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

From: LABLaughsClean on 9/13/2004 (S452b)
 "The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen
  for girls and thirty-seven for men."  -- Aristotle.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/22/2006 (S509b)
 "Always get married early in the morning.  That way, if it
  doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
    -- Mickey Rooney
 
 

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
 Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party?
 A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
 Q: How do you scare a man?
 A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

From: gsm on 01/31/2000
 Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
 A: She knows she's given her last blow job

 Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
 A: Marry her!

From: JBCARY1 on 7/16/2002 (S285b)
 Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
 A: Because it's good for the dishwasher
    to match the stove and refrigerator.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/17/2005 (S421b)
 Q: What could be described as a case of wife or death?
 A: A shotgun wedding

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...........................From Smiley_Central
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