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Subj:     Women Supp Jokes
                 (Includes 23 jokes and articles, 39943,15,cf,wXT,13)

Woman Mops from
Accent on Animation
Includes the following:  Single Women Sign (S489c)
.........................Joyce Meyer Hugging The Toilet - Video (S943)
.........................There Are No Ugly Women - Photo (S801)
.........................Woman Has A Facelift (S775)
.........................Woman Takes A Jamaican Vacation (S642b)
.........................Understanding Women -- The 9 Phrases - Video (S594)
.........................Why It's Better To Be A Woman (S596c)
.........................Menopausal Woman - Video (S491c)
.........................The Hormone Hostage (S492)
.........................Woman's Dictionary (S76)
.........................Every Woman Should Have: (S162)
.........................Every Woman Should Know:
.........................Short Jokes And One-liners About Women
..............................Men, Coffee, And Chocolate (S658b)
..............................A Woman From Latch, Poem (S630c)
..............................Why Women Stay Single - Video (S602)
..............................A Special Attribute of Women (S609b)
..............................Life Cycle (S592c)
..............................The Four Needs Of A Woman (S591)
..............................OB-Gyn Phone Answering Message - Audio (S570)
..............................Women Can't Drive - Video (S541b)
..............................My Boyfriend (S533c)
..............................If Women Ruled The World (S522b)
..............................Women's Thought On Men (S512b)

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Subj:     Single Women Sign (S489c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/1/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19960629
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Top
Subj:     Joyce Meyer Hugging The Toilet (S943d)
          From: Caroline Jenkins on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/eE1C8SFqqec
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=795184863851378

 This funny video teaches how we need to re-think how
 we think!  You will LOVE Joyce Meyer!  Click on either
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to listen to this
 preacher talk about her home and family life after
 church.

Top
Subj:     There Are No Ugly Women (S801)
          From: virv on 5/16/2012
 Source1: http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=5242
 Source2: http://images.mitrasites.com/photo/the-swan-(tv-series).html

 This photo was made from a competition in June, 2006 on
 the FOX TV show, "The Swan".  Nine women had complete
 makeovers, and every possible beauty treatment available
 to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest.

 Look at the before and after photos.  It really is
 shocking!  Conclusion, there are no ugly women, only
 poor women.  If only they had the money, every woman
 could be beautiful.

 Click on the top source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 this amazing photo.

Top
Subj:     Woman Has A Facelift (S775)
          From: allenbergman on 11/19/2011

 A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
 She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
 On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

 Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind
 my asking, but how old do you think I am."

 "About 32," is the reply.

 "Nope!  I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

 A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the
 counter girl the very same question.

 The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

 The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

 Now she's feeling really good about herself.  She stops in
 at a drug store on her way down the street.

 She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the
 clerk this burning question.

 The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

 Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

 While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
 waiting next to her the same question.

 He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.  Although,
 when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a
 woman was.  It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let
 me put my hands under your bra.  Then, and only then can I
 tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

 They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity
 gets the best of her.  She finally blurts out, "What the hell,
 go ahead."

 He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel
 around very slowly and carefully.  He bounces and weighs each
 breast and he gently pinches each nipple.  He pushes her breasts
 together and rubs them against each other.

 After a couple of minutes of this, she asks, "Okay, okay....
 How old am I?"

 He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands,
 and says, "Madam, you are 50."

 Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how
 could you tell?"

 The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

 "I promise I won't." she  says.

 "I was behind you at McDonalds..."

Top
Subj:     Woman Takes A Jamaican Vacation (S642b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/23/2009

 Upon arriving in Jamaica for a well-deserved vacation, a
 woman meets a black man, and after a night of passionate
 love-making she asks him "What is your name?" "I can't
 tell you," the black man says.

 Every night they meet,make mad passionate love and every
 night she asks him again what his name is and he always
 responds the same, he can't tell her.

 On her last night there after extreme love making she
 asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"

 "I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me,"
 says the black man.

 "There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the woman
 says.

 "Fine, my name is Snow!" the black man replies.

 The woman bursts into laughter.  The black man gets mad
 and says, "I knew you would make fun of it."  The woman
 replies, "I'm not making fun of your name.  I'm thinking
 of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that
 I had 10 inches of snow every day in Jamaica."

Top
Subj:     Understanding Women -- The 9 Phrases (S594d)
          From: ginafm on 6/8/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/2OOD7VwGmdk
 (Also see 'Secrets Of Women's Language' in DIFFERENCES3)

 This video shows how little men understand women.  You can
 view it at the above source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Why It's Better To Be A Woman (S596c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/15/2008
          (See '110 Reasons It's Great Being A Guy' in MEN3)

 This is why it's better to be a Woman!

  1. We got off the Titanic first.

  2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always
     return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up
     our computers.

  3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous.
     Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

  4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

  5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

  6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or
     the central female figure in a computer game.

  7. Taxis stop for us.

  8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life
     insurance.

  9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get
     the point).

 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if
     she thinks we're gay.

 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever
     taking a group shower.

 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever
     touching her butt.

 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

 19. We never have to reach down every so often to
     make sure our privates are still there.

 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch
     to fit in.

 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without
     having to picture them naked.

 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
     that we look like an idiot.

 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether
     there's spinach in our teeth.

 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all
     your problems.

 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their
     shoes.

 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way
     to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Top
Subj:     Menopausal Woman (S491c,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 6/16/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/NBvysuewIOs

 Road rage and class war escalate into a demolition derby
 at the local mall.  Click on the above source, or 'HERE'
 for my copy, to see these testosterone loaded women.

Top
Subj:     The Hormone Hostage (S492)
          From: darrell94590 on 7/3/2006

 The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month
 when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his
 very life into his own hands!  This is a handy guide that
 should be a s common as a driver's license in the wallet of
 every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

 DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
 SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
 SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
 ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

 DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
 SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
 SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
 ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

 DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
 SAFER: What did I do wrong?
 SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
 ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

 DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
 SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
 SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
 ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

 DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
 SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
 SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
 ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Top
Subj:     Woman's Dictionary (S76)
          From: RFSlick on 98-07-15
          (See 'Secrets Of Women's Language' in DIFFERENCES3
           and 'Real Meanings of Personal Ad Codes' in HEADLINES-ADDS
           and 'Male-to-English Dictionary' in MEN2)

 Airhead (er*hed) n.
   What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

 Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
   A discussion that occurs when you're right,
   but he just hasn't realized it yet.

 Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v.
   To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

 Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
   You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped
   the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and
   cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

 Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
   Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

 Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
   Gotta get married in a church.

 Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
   An appliance designed to eat socks.

 Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
   A drink you buy at a convenience store
   to go with a half pound bag of peanut M?Ms.

 Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
   The last two minutes of a football game.

 Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
   To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

 Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
   What you spend half an hour writing,
   then forget to take with you to the store.

 Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
   Someone who is able to create a style
   you will never be able to duplicate again.  See "Magician."

 Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
   Similar to a black hole in space --
   if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

 Childbirth (child*brth) n.
   You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
   he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

 Lipstick (lip*stik) n
   On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.
   On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

 Park (park) v./n.
   Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."
   After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

 Patience (pa*shens) n.
   The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
   See also "tranquilizers."

 Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
   A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds,
   and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

 Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
   Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not
   come off if you try to remove it.

 Zillion (zil*yen) n
   The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash,
   then end up doing it yourself ... anyway

Top
Subj:     Every Woman Should Have: (S162)
          From: auntieg on 98-10-03
      and From: gheckman on 3/5/00

  Dear Friends:

  I think you'll all enjoy this one.  I think most everything
  could also apply to a man.  If you disagree, think again.

  Gayle

  1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and
     one who reminds you of how far you've come.

  2. Enough money within your control to move out and
     rent a place on your own, even if you never want or need to.

  3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or
     man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

  4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you're
     not ashamed to be seen carrying.

  5. A youth you're content to move beyond.

  6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to
     retelling it in your old age.

  7. The realization that you are actually going to have
     an old age and some money set aside to help fund it

  8. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

  9. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

 10. A good piece of furniture not previously owned
     by anyone else in your family.

 11. Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and
     a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.

 12. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.

 13. A feeling of control over your destiny.

 14. A skin care regime, an exercise routine ? a plan for dealing with
     those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.

 15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship
     and all those other facets of life that do get better.

 > > > > > > > > >Top

Subj:     Every Woman Should Know:

  1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

  2. How you feel about having kids.

  3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and
     confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

  4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

  5. How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly
     what you would and wouldn't like to happen next.

  6. How to have a good time at a party you'd never choose to attend.

  7. How to ask for what you want in a way that makes
     it most likely you'll get it.

  8. That you can't change the length of your calves,
     the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

  9. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.

 10. What you would and wouldn't do for love or more.

 11. How to live alone, even if you don't like it.

 12. Whom you can trust, whom you can't,
     and why you shouldn't take it personally.

 13. Where to go - be it your best friend's kitchen table or a
     charming inn hidden in the woods-when your soul needs soothing.

 14. What you can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.

 15. Why they say life begins at 30.


Subj:     Short Jokes And One-liners About Women
 

Top
Subj:     Men, Coffee, And Chocolate (S658b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/20/2009
 Source: http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w056.html
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon.
 

Top
Subj:     A Woman From Latch, Poem (S630c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/4/2009
 There once was a woman from Latch,
 Who jacked herself off with a match.
 She got so excited,
 The damn thing ignited,
 And burnt all the hair off her snatch.
 

Top
Subj:     Why Women Stay Single (S602d)
          From: darrellvip on 7/24/2008
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/pPnCHqHVtVY
 Source2: http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_wom/w-supp-why.wmv
 (See 'Redneck Women' in Redneck2)
 Fat redneck guy dances while playing with his belly fat.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE'. for my copy, to
 to see this video that is so bad, it is very funny
 

Top
Subj:     A Special Attribute of Women (S609b)
          From: ginafm on 9/11/2008
 "Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply it.
 If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.  If
 you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.  If you
 give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.  She
 multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.  So . . .
 if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

 Love and appreciate all the women in your life.
 

Top
Subj:     Life Cycle (S592c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/22/2008
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060617
 You can see this cute, long animated GIF at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Four Needs Of A Woman (S591)
          From: ginafm on 5/14/2008
 You can view this cute, short PowerPoint Show on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     OB-Gyn Phone Answering Message (S570)
          By Jolene Roxbury
          From: gordonschuk on 12/23/2007
 This phone answering message is both stupid and cute.
 You can listen to it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Women Can't Drive (S541b,d)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/21/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/2DKegqS3UyU
 This tape from a security camera is probably not worth a
 trip to the internet, but this lack of driving skill is
 amazing.  You can view on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     My Boyfriend (S533c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/9/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19911017
 You can view this cute postcard at the source above, or on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     If Women Ruled The World (S522b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult  on 1/18/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19991116
 You can see this cute photo at the source above, or on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Women's Thought On Men (S512b)
..........From: darrell94590 on 11/8/2006
 You can view these cute nine pictures and sayings on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/23/2007 (S545b)
 A woman is like a teabag.  You never know how strong she
 is until she gets into hot water.

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