Subj: Women Supp Jokes
(Includes 23 jokes and articles, 39943,15,cf,wXT,13)
Woman Mops from
Accent on Animation
Subj: Single Women Sign (S489c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/1/2006
Joyce Meyer Hugging The Toilet (S943d)
From: Caroline Jenkins on Facebook
This funny video teaches how
we need to re-think how
we think! You will LOVE Joyce Meyer! Click on either
source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to listen to this
preacher talk about her home and family life after
There Are No Ugly Women (S801)
From: virv on 5/16/2012
This photo was made from a competition
in June, 2006 on
the FOX TV show, "The Swan". Nine women had complete
makeovers, and every possible beauty treatment available
to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest.
Look at the before and after
photos. It really is
shocking! Conclusion, there are no ugly women, only
poor women. If only they had the money, every woman
could be beautiful.
Click on the top source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
this amazing photo.
Subj: Woman Has A Facelift (S775)
From: allenbergman on 11/19/2011
A woman decides to have a facelift
for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the
clerk, "I hope you don't mind
my asking, but how old do you think I am."
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes
into McDonald's and asks the
counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good
about herself. She stops in
at a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to
get some mints and asks the
clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to
go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and
my eyesight is going. Although,
when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a
woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let
me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I
tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty
street until her curiosity
gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell,
He slips both of his hands under
her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts
together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of
this, she asks, "Okay, okay....
How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze
of her breasts, removes his hands,
and says, "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman
says, "That was incredible, how
could you tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't." she says.
"I was behind you at McDonalds..."
Subj: Woman Takes A Jamaican Vacation (S642b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/23/2009
Upon arriving in Jamaica for
a well-deserved vacation, a
woman meets a black man, and after a night of passionate
love-making she asks him "What is your name?" "I can't
tell you," the black man says.
Every night they meet,make mad
passionate love and every
night she asks him again what his name is and he always
responds the same, he can't tell her.
On her last night there after
extreme love making she
asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
"I can't tell you my name because
you will laugh at me,"
says the black man.
"There is no reason for me to
laugh at you," the woman
"Fine, my name is Snow!" the black man replies.
The woman bursts into laughter.
The black man gets mad
and says, "I knew you would make fun of it." The woman
replies, "I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking
of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that
I had 10 inches of snow every day in Jamaica."
Understanding Women -- The 9 Phrases (S594d)
From: ginafm on 6/8/2008
This video shows how little men
understand women. You can
view it at the above source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Why It's Better To Be A Woman (S596c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/15/2008
(See '110 Reasons It's Great Being A Guy' in MEN3)
This is why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems
support men who always
return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make
us look elfin & gorgeous.
Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after
a cartoon character or
the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get
to cash in on the life
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners,
Free movies ... (you get
11. We can hug our friends without
she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our
whole lives without ever
taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate
touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down
every so often to
make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize
Caddyshack or Fletch
to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of
the opposite sex without
having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years
younger, we're aware
that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're
weird if we ask whether
there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate
really can solve all
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person
just by looking at their
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize
that the easiest way
to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Menopausal Woman (S491c,d)
From: darrell94590 on 6/16/2006
Road rage and class war escalate
into a demolition derby
at the local mall. Click on the above source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see these testosterone loaded women.
Subj: The Hormone Hostage (S492)
From: darrell94590 on 7/3/2006
The Hormone Hostage knows that
there are days in the month
when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his
very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that
should be a s common as a driver's license in the wallet of
every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
Subj: Woman's Dictionary (S76)
From: RFSlick on 98-07-15
(See 'Secrets Of Women's Language' in DIFFERENCES3
and 'Real Meanings of Personal Ad Codes' in HEADLINES-ADDS
and 'Male-to-English Dictionary' in MEN2)
Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right,
but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook (bal*ens
da chek*buk) v.
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped
the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and
cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer)
An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store
to go with a half pound bag of peanut M?Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list)
What you spend half an hour writing,
then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style
you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor)
Similar to a black hole in space --
if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.
On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."
After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
See also "tranquilizers."
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds,
and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not
come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n
The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash,
then end up doing it yourself ... anyway
Subj: Every Woman Should Have: (S162)
From: auntieg on 98-10-03
and From: gheckman on 3/5/00
I think you'll all enjoy this
one. I think most everything
could also apply to a man. If you disagree, think again.
1. One old boyfriend you can
imagine going back to and
one who reminds you of how far you've come.
2. Enough money within your
control to move out and
rent a place on your own, even if you never want or need to.
3. Something perfect to wear
if the employer or
man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an
not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you're content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that
you're looking forward to
retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you
are actually going to have
an old age and some money set aside to help fund it
8. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
9. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
10. A good piece of furniture
not previously owned
by anyone else in your family.
11. Eight matching plates, wine
glasses with stems and
a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.
12. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
13. A feeling of control over your destiny.
14. A skin care regime, an exercise
routine ? a plan for dealing with
those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying
career, a satisfying relationship
and all those other facets of life that do get better.
> > > > > > > > >Top
Subj: Every Woman Should Know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break
up with a man, and
confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss a man in a way
that communicates perfectly
what you would and wouldn't like to happen next.
6. How to have a good time at a party you'd never choose to attend.
7. How to ask for what you want
in a way that makes
it most likely you'll get it.
8. That you can't change the
length of your calves,
the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
9. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.
10. What you would and wouldn't do for love or more.
11. How to live alone, even if you don't like it.
12. Whom you can trust, whom
and why you shouldn't take it personally.
13. Where to go - be it your
best friend's kitchen table or a
charming inn hidden in the woods-when your soul needs soothing.
14. What you can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.
Subj: Short Jokes And One-liners About Women
Men, Coffee, And Chocolate (S658b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/20/2009
Subj: A Woman From Latch, Poem (S630c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/4/2009
There once was a woman from Latch,
Who jacked herself off with a match.
She got so excited,
The damn thing ignited,
And burnt all the hair off her snatch.
Why Women Stay Single (S602d)
From: darrellvip on 7/24/2008
Subj: A Special Attribute of Women (S609b)
From: ginafm on 9/11/2008
"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply it.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If
you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you
give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She
multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So . . .
if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."
Love and appreciate all the women
in your life.
Life Cycle (S592c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/22/2008
The Four Needs Of A Woman (S591)
From: ginafm on 5/14/2008
OB-Gyn Phone Answering Message (S570)
By Jolene Roxbury
From: gordonschuk on 12/23/2007
Women Can't Drive (S541b,d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/21/2007
My Boyfriend (S533c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/9/2007
If Women Ruled The World (S522b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/18/2007
Women's Thought On Men (S512b)
..........From: darrell94590 on 11/8/2006
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/23/2007
A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she
is until she gets into hot water.
............................ from CKButch4Femme.