.
.
>>>
Subj:   Famous People1
              (Includes 142 jokes and articles, 03916,4,cf,wXT2,3)

Elvis ? Me from
Millanimations
Includes the following:  Kardashian Vegas Magazine Parody (S916)
.........................Marv Albert Theme Song (DU)
.........................Short Marv Albert Jokes
.........................Celebrity Mansions (S557)
.........................Sonny Bono-Michael Kennedy Jokes (S50)
..............................Short But Sweet (S51)
..............................Song: Pine Trees Hurt Babe
..............................Another Sonny And Michael Song
..............................Short Sonny Bono/Michael Kennedy Jokes
...................................Kennedy, Bono And Politicians (S51)
..............................Short Sonny Bono Jokes
..............................Short Michael Kennedy Jokes

.........................Diana's Death Being A Hoax (32)
.........................Definition Of Globalization (S366b)
.........................Short Princess Diana Jokes

.........................Beauty Tips From Audrey Hepburn (S119, S685b)

.........................Short Pee Wee Herman Jokes

.........................Short Kennedy Jokes
..............................New Game (S48)

.........................Boy Asks Mom About God (S152, S398b)
.........................Michael Jackson And His Wife Have Baby (S312b)
.........................Michael Jackson's Neverland Game (S362b)
.........................Short Michael Jackson Jokes
..............................Voice Activated Car Stereos (S388)
..............................Joan Crawford's Daughter (S363b)

.........................The Traffic Jam (S76)
.........................Short O. J. Simpson Jokes
..............................Las Vegas... (S614c)

Also see ARTIST-SUPP  - 'How To Draw Famous People'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech By Charlton Heston At Harvard'
         ENGLISH file - 'The Tilde'
         FACTS4 file  - 'How Lincoln And John F. Kennedy Were Alike'
         MOVIES-SUPP2 - 'Meeting Paul Newman'
         MUSIC-SUPP   - 'The Oswald Rock Band'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Quotations From Various Politicians'
......................- 'Dan Quayle Quotations'
......................- 'Winston Churchill quotes And Facts'
         SCIENCE-SUPP - 'Morgan Freeman On Helium' - Video
         SPEECHES file- 'Five Lessons Life Has Taught Oprah Winfrey'
         THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'The Failure List II' - Video

============================================================Top
Subj:     Kardashian Vegas Magazine Parody (S916)
          Created by Liam Martin on Instagram
          Posted by HuffingtonPost.com
 Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/30/teen-parodies-
..........celebs-instagram-waverider-liam-martin_n_5630759.html
.
..........
.
..........The 17-year-old New Zealander, Liam Martin, is Instagram's
..........teen version of "Weird Al" Yankovic.  His cheeky celebrity
..........tributes toe the line between parody and promotion, but the
..........results are so funny it ultimately doesn't matter if they're
..........an homage or not -- and the Internet seems to agree. Under
..........the handle @waverider_, Liam has amassed more than 1.5 million
..........Instagram followers, largely by riffing on iconic celebrity
..........portraits.

Top
Subj:     Marv Albert Theme Song (DU)
          From: auntieg on 97-11-29

 Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
 (to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")

 Lacy things - the wife is missin,
 Didn't ask - her permission,
 I'm wearin' her clothes,
 Her silk pantyhose,
 Walkin' round in women's underwear.
 In the store - there's a teddy,
 Little straps - like spaghetti,
 It holds me so tight,
 Like handcuffs at night,
 Walkin' round in women's underwear.
 In the office there's a guy named Marvin,
 He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
 He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say, "Whoa, Man!"
 "Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
 Later on, if you wanna,
 We can dress - like Madonna,
 Put on some eyeshade,
 And join the parade,
 Walkin' round in women's underwear

Top
Subj:     Short Marv Albert Jokes

From: humorlist-digest Vol. 01 : Number 212 on September 30 1997
 Marv Albert was given a pink slip by NBC   ---
 He immediately put it on.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #200 on 97-10-03
 Q: Why doesn't Marv like crotchless panties?
 A: His balls fall through.

Top
Subj:     Celebrity Mansions (S557)
          From: AFine963 on 9/19/2007
.
 These 20 celebrity mansions are very impressive.
 Click 'HERE' to view them.

Top
Subj:     Sonny Bono-Michael Kennedy Jokes (S50)
          From: auntieg on 98-01-11

Top
Subj:     Short But Sweet (S51)
          From: RFSlick on 98-01-22

 NEWS FLASH from API newswire:
 For immediate release

 Tahoe
 The following was delivered to our offices less than one hour ago...
 

 FROM: THE TREES

 STop tHE LogGINg oR wE WiLl coNtInUE To KIll oNe CeleBrITY EacH WeEK.

 theRe ARe nO SkIinG "aCciDenTS."

Top
Subj:     Song: Pine Trees Hurt Babe

 Duet sung together by Michael Kennedy ? Sonny Bono
  (to the tune of: "I got you Babe")

 I don't know, but I been told,
 that skiing's not a good idea when you're old....

 Well, I don't know if all that's true,
 but I believe that wood's not all that good for you...

 Pine trees hurt babe....
 On my face babe....
 They don't move babe....

Top
Subj:     Another Sonny And Michael Song
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #8 on 98-01-09

 Last sung by Michael Kennedy ? Sonny Bono
 (TO BE SUNG TO THE TUNE, "I GOT YOU, BABE")

 Mike:  They say that we can't go down the hill,
        Before we go we really should write a will.

 Sonny: Well I don't know if all that's true,
        Watch out for that bush, 'cause I think it really grew.

 Sonny: Tree
 Both:  I hit you, tree.
        I hit you, tree.

 Mike:  They say football on skis is really dumb,
        Before we know it we'll both be very numb.

 Sonny: I guess that's so, the wind's in our hair,
        You did the sitter, but baby I did Cher.

 Sonny: Tree
 Both:  I hit you, tree.
        I hit you, tree.

 Mike:  I got flowers on my grave.
        It was stupid, but baby, we seemed brave.

 Sonny: And we weren't drunk, just acting like clowns.
        We didn't see the tree, but we sure found the ground.

 Mike:  Don't let them say that we can't ski,
        We were doin' pretty good 'til we hit that goddamn tree.

 Sonny: So I put my little hand on the branch,
        Thought I'd break my fall, but wound up buying the ranch.

 Sonny: Tree.
 Both:  I hit you, tree.
        I hit you, tree.

 Sonny: I had Cher to hold my hand.
 Mike:  She had you then found a real man.
 Sonny: I had Newt to think with me.
 Mike:  I had Ted to drink with me.
        I went and kissed that tree goodnight.
        Split my skull from left to right.
        I hit the tree, I can't let go.
        My blood is dripping on the snow.

 Both:  I hit you, tree.
        I hit you, tree.
        I hit you, tree.
        I hit you, tree.

Top
Subj:     Short Sonny Bono/Michael Kennedy Jokes

Top
Subj:     Kennedy, Bono ? Politicians (S51)
          From: mbucher on 98-01-18
 Heard they were going to put a check box on your tax return so
 you could donate to a fund to buy season ski passes for politicians.

 Q:  What was a common factor in the deaths of Chris Farley,
     Sonny Bono and Michael Kennedy ?
 A:  A white powdery substance.

 Q:  And why did Sonny Bono ski into the tree??...
 A:  It's always been a good political move to keep up with the Kennedys.

 Q:  Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
 A:  After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.

 Q:  What's the difference between Sonny Bono and Michael Kennedy?
 A:  About five days.

 From: Bawdy.Net Collage #225 on 98-01-24
  New England scientists have been stumped. These are the only two
  occurances they can document of the sap running into the tree.

Top
Subj:     Short Sonny Bono Jokes

 Police reported Sonny's passing was a quick death.
 Just like his solo career....

 We are all mortal. And in the end, Sonny was just ski and bones.

 Q:  What did the tree say after Sonny hit it?
 A:  I got you, babe.

 Q:  How was the body found?
 A:  Sonny side up.

 Q:  What's the title of Sonny Bono's new hit single?
 A:  "I Got Yew, Babe...."

 Q:  What preceded Sonny Bono's senseless death?
 A:  Sonny Bono's senseless life.

 Q:  What kind of tribute should Cher perform at Sonny's funeral?
 A:  A moment of silence.

 Q:  How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart?
 A:  At the very end, he was stumping.

From: FrankRoesc on 99-02-19 (S108)
 Q: What's the weather like in Tahoe?
 A: Gloomy all over and Sonny around one tree.

Top
Subj:     Short Michael Kennedy Jokes

  A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was
  a second tree at the snow-covered knoll...

  New bumper sticker...."Plant A Tree....Kill A Kennedy...."

  John F. Kennedy: Profiles in Courage.
  Michael Kennedy: Profiles in Wood.

  People say Michael Kennedy was a rich playboy who did nothing.
  But in his final moments he made a big impression.

  Yes, Michael Kennedy cheated on his wife and had sex with an
  underage babysitter.  But in the end, he never tried to save face.

  There is no doubt that Michael was R.F.K.'s son.
  He was a chip off the old block.

  Michael's estranged wife Vicki was a bit unhappy. She had to
  wait an extra week to get her present under the tree.

  Was Michael Kennedy a liberal?  No, he joined
  a splinter group of the Birch society.

 From: Bawdy.Net Collage #226 on 98-01-28
  Too bad Michael Kennedy's kids were with him at the time...
  but he had trouble getting a baby-sitter.

  "They've finally determined the type of tree Michael Kennedy ran into.
  Apparently it was a 14 year old Virgin Fir."

  Some witnesses insist there was another tree at a grassy knoll...

 Q:  What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
 A:  John Denver made it alive out of Aspen.

 Q:  Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
 A:  Not yet, but he's done one about the tree: "I'm Still Standing"

 Q:  How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy?
 A:  Check the family tree.

 Q:  How will the priest begin Michael Kennedy's eulogy?
 A:  "We are gathered here together on this slalom occasion...."

 Q:  What do Michael and JFK Jr's magazine "George" have in common?
 A:  Wood pulp.

 Q:  What's an event you don't want to be at?
 A:  A Michael Kennedy New Year's Bash

 Q:  What will it take to reunite the four Kennedy brothers?
 A1: One more bullet.
 A2: A season lift pass.

 Q:  What's the difference between a dog and Michael Kennedy?
 A:  A dog barks a lot and bites. Michael Kennedy bites a lot of bark.

     From: Bawdy.Net Collage #225 on 98-01-24
 Q:  Why did Michael Kennedy run into a tree while skiing?
 A:  He mistook a Dogwood for a 14 year old bush.

Top
Subj:     Diana's Death Being A Hoax (32)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #194 on 97-09-06

 The rumours are still flying about Di's death being a hoax to get
 her out of the limelight. I heard that a very reputable source
 said that immediately following the crash, Di was on the radio.

 Of course she was also on the windshield, dashboard, seats, etc.

 "Actually, this is an *old* joke that I first heard in reference to
 Princess Grace of Monaco, after she smashed her car in the French Riviera."

Top
Subj:     Definition Of Globalization (S366b)
          From: SCHULACES3 on 1/26/2004

 Question:  What is the truest definition of Globalization?

 Answer:    Princess Diana's death.

 Question:  How come?

 Answer:  An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes
 in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine,
 driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed
 closely by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles; she was
 treated by an American doctor, who used Brazilian medicines.

 This email is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates'
 technology, and you're probably reading this on a computer that
 uses Taiwanese chips, with a Korean monitor, assembled by
 Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian
 truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian
 longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.

 That, my friends, is Globalization!

Top
Subj:     Short Princess Diana jokes

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #195
 Well, I checked out my Yahoo news page today.  At the top
 of the list of headlines from Reuters was the following:
 "Monarchy Urged to Follow Diana's Example"
 Good idea - we could even televise it, rather like
 stock-car racing...

Subj: Diana Collage
From: sking on 97-09-19

 The following jokes were sent out as a set of Diana jokes.

 When the people at the Ritz asked Princess Di if she wanted
 a room for the night she said, "No, I'm gonna crash with
 my boyfriend."

 Did Dodi do Di before Di and Dodi died?

 "This was in USA Today -- a CNN poll with an amazing
 statistic...58% of women in this country think there was
 too *little* coverage of the Lady Di events.  Too little!
 And they wonder why we don't give them the remote control!"

 Did you hear about the new fairy tale for kids that's
 replacing the Cinderella and carraige story?  It's about
 Diana.....at midnight, she turns into a pillar.

From: ipkis on 97-10-11
 In the You Knew It had to Happen Dept: A Volvo dealer
 in Macau lost his franchise after running an ad with a
 picture of Prince Diana and the tagline, "She'd still be
 alive if she was in a Volvo."

 Diana's heart was in the right place, if you consider
 the glove compartment to be the right place.

 Elton John is rewriting the Princess Diana song,
 the new title will be, "Goodbye New England's hose"

From: humorlist-digest V2 #60 on 98-03-10
 You know, I'm real sad about the Princess being killed,
 but I guess that's the way the Mercedes bends...

From: humorlist-digest V2 #60 on 98-03-10
 Pink Floyd is expected to contribute to the upcoming
 benefit album by singing "All in all, it's just another
 Brit on the wall"

From: BawdyNet Collage #whatever on 98-04-20 (S64)
 Microsoft today announced that they are to rename Windows
 98 "Windows Diana".  They expect that it too will be
 superficially attractive, consume lots of resources and
 crash horribly.

From: agrief on 12/13/2001 (S254)
 PRINCESS DIANA; When you rearrange the letters:
 ENDS IN A CAR SPIN

 Q: Why was Lady Di's death a tragedy?
 A: The rest of the Royal Family wasn't in the back
    of the car with her.

 Q: What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
 A: Princess Di wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda.

 Q: What's the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods?
 A: Tiger has a good driver.

 Q: What's the similarity between Neighbours ? Prince Charles?
 A: Neighbours have Mrs Mangle, Charles has mangled Mrs.

From: ipkis on 97-10-11
 Q: What would Diana be doing if she were alive today?
 A: Trying to claw her way out of her coffin.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #212 on 97-11-27 (S43)
 Q: What's the difference between Princess Di
    and Michael Hutchence?
 A: Michael didn't forget to wear his belt..........

From: humorlist-digest V1 #272 on 97-12-10
 Q: What was the last thing that went through Diana's mind?
 A: The radiator.

 Q: What does DIANA stand for....???
 A: Died In A Nasty Accident

 Q: Did you hear that Di has something in common
    with George Burns?
 A: They both died when they hit a hundred.

 Q: Did you hear about the princess who stayed out
    after midnight?
 A: She turned into a pillar of concrete.

 Q: Did you hear Pizza Hut is announcing a "Princess Di
    Meatlover's Pizza"?
 A: It's made with two kinds of meat: Egyptian sausage
    and Welsh beaver.

 Q: What were Di's last words to her lover ?
 A: "Take me up the tunnel ? make me scream".

 Q: When is Diana Princess of Wales not Diana Princess
    of Wales?
 A: When shes Di-in-a car crash!!

 Q: Why was the pillar red?
 A: Because it had Di on it.

 Q: Did you hear about Diana on the radio?
   .... on the dashboard?
   .... on the steering wheel?

 Q: Why was Diana so thin?
 A: Because she was on a crash diet.

 Q: Heard about the new film?
 A: Crash 2 The Royal Sequel.

 Q: Why did Diana die?
 A: So she could be the first person in the Versace
    '98 collection.

 Q: What is Diana's favourite band?
 A: Crash Test Dummies.

 Q: What is the Queen giving Fergie for Christmas?
 A: A black Mercedes and a trip to Paris.

 Q: What were Di and Dodi's last drinks at the hotel?
 A: A Harvey Wallbanger and a couple of chasers.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #60 on 98-03-10
 Q: What is the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods?
 A: Tiger has a more accurate driver

 Q: What's the one thing that attracts Diana more
    than a wealthy Egyptian?
 A: A brick wall

 Q: Did you hear about the new drink?
 A: The Diana Wallbanger

 Q: What's the difference between the NFL and Diana?
 A: The NFL players come out of the tunnel on Sunday.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #107 on 98-05-02
 Q: What does Princess Diana turn into at midnight?
 A: A wall.

 Q: What do Cellular telephones and Princess Diana have
    in common?
 A: Both die in tunnels !

Top
Subj:     Beauty Tips From Audrey Hepburn (S119, S685b)
          From: smiles on 5/13/99
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/language/document/audrey.asp

 Something from Audrey Hepburn, an actress and much more...
 I was watching an old movie, and remembered that not only
 was she an actress, but a woman that worked to make things
 better for children and other human beings...

 BEAUTY TIPS from Audrey Hepburn:
            The following poem is quoted from
            "Audrey Hepburn" by Barry Paris, (c)1996 Putnam
            She read it to children for inspiration
 

 For attractive lips,
    speak words of kindness.

 For lovely eyes,
    seek out the good in people.

 For a slim figure,
    share your food with the hungry.

 For beautiful hair,
    let a child run his fingers through it once  a day.

 For poise,
    walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone...

 People, even more than things,
    have to be restored, renewed, revived,
    reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed ...

 Never throw out anybody.  Remember, if you ever need a
 helping hand, you'll find one at the end  of your arm.

 As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
 One for helping yourself, the other for helping others".

 Please note: Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993) did not write the
 quoted list of beauty tips, although she claimed it as one
 of her favorites and quoted it in public a number of times.
 Its true author is humorist Sam Levenson (he who said "Insanity
 is hereditary: You can get it from your children").

Top
Subj:     Short Pee Wee Herman Jokes

 There were two historical figures that got shot in the back
 of the head as they sat in the theater.  One was President
 Abraham Lincoln. Who was the other?
 The guy sitting in front of Pee Wee herman.

 Q: How do we know Pee Wee Herman was guilty?
 A: He got caught red handed.

 Q: What are Pee Wee's favorite songs?
 A: "Easy to be Hard", and "Momma Told Me not to Come."

 Q: What's worse than sitting in front of Pee Wee in a theater?
 A: Surviving a plane crash with Jeffrey Dahmer.

 Q: What did Pee Wee say about "Saturday Night Fever?"
 A: "It's got a good dance and you can beat to it."

From: dscott on 97-07-24
 Q: What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
 A: It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

Top
Subj:     Short Kennedy Jokes

Top
Subj:     New Game (S48)
          By AJSwitzer
 Did you hear about the new game, Dead Kennedys?  They give
 you some hints and you name the dead Kennedy.  To prevent
 the need for future revisions the game gives hints about
 alive Kennedys too.
    eg. Name the dead Kennedy that liked to combine
        football, trees and skiing?
        Name the Kennedy that died in World War II?
        Name the dead Kennedy that made his millions bootlegging?

 God it's tough when you are a modern, witty, sensitive, 90s guy.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #221 on 98-01-07
 I understand that there is no truth to the rumor that Elton
 John is going to release, yet, another version of "Candle
 in the Wind."  The false rumor indicated that the newest
 version was subtitled:  "Goodbye Aspen's Drunk."

 J.F.K and Bobby Kennedy walk into a bar and the the bartender
 says, "What'll it be?" J.F.K says, "Give us a couple of
 shooters."

 Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for
 Profiles in Courage

Used in Bawdy.Net Collage #234 on 98-03-04
 Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger marry Maria Shriver?
 A: They were trying to create a bulletproof Kennedy.

Top
Subj:     Boy Asks Mom About God (S152, S398b)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: PGSP4LIFE on 12/29/1999

 A confused nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male
 or female?"  After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,
 "God is both male and female"

 This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or
 white?"  She responds along the same line, "God is both black
 and white."

 This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or
 straight?"  The mother becomes concerned, but answers none the
 less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."

 The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks
 he finally has answered his question: "Is God Michael Jackson?"

Top
Subj:     Michael Jackson And His Wife Have Baby (S312b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/6/2003

 Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with
 their new baby son.

 The doctor walks in and Michael asks:

 "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

 The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

Top
Subj:     Michael Jackson's Neverland Game (S390b)
          From: Steve G. on 1/4/2004
 Source: (Removed from zooass.com)

 INSTRUCTIONS:
 Help Michael Jackson keep the kids at Neverland.  Use your
 mouse to net the escapees.  You can play it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Short Michael Jackson Jokes

Top
Subj:     Voice Activated Car Stereos (S388)
          From: mrx on 7/13/2004
 I just bought a new state-of-the-art Sony car stereo! When
 you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout
 out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of
 my car this morning and I shouted  "Fucking Kids"... and it
 played Michael Jackson.
 

Top
Subj:     Joan Crawford's Daughter (S363b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 1/16/2004
 The picture "Joan Crawford's Daughter" can be seen by clicking 'Here'.
 

 Michael Jackson was in bed with his girl friend, and she
 asked him: "Michael, what's a pedophile?"
 He replied: "Hmmm... that's a pretty big word for an
 eight-year-old!"

 Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding are
 starting up in the horseracing business?
 She's taking care of handicapping, he's riding the
 three-year-olds.

 Did you hear that MacDonalds is coming out with the
 MacJackson sandwich? It's a 4 inch weiner between 12 year
 old buns.

 Michael Jackson's mother yelled at him the other day,
 "Michael, has the paper boy come yet?"
 To which Michael replied, "No, but he's squirming."

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 Michael Jackson is on a plane w/a bunch of orphans.  The
 plane starts to go down.  The pilot hands Michael a
 parachute, takes one for himself, and begins to get ready
 to jump.  Michael sez, "But what about the kids?"  Pilot
 goes, "Fuck the kids!"  To which Michael replies, "Do we
 have time?"
 

 Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose ?
 A: Through a catalog

 Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson
    and a Shopping Bag?
 A: One is White, Plastic and unsafe for your children to
    play with and the other you put your groceries in.

 Q: What's brown, soft, warm, and can be found in little
    boys' underpants?
 A: Michael Jackson's hand (er, allegedly).

 Q: What have Michael Jackson and the State of Israel got
    in common?
 A: They've both pulled out of Jordan.

 Q: How does acne differ from Michael Jackson?
 A: Acne comes on your face AFTER puberty.

 Q: Why does Michael Jackson like J.C. Penny's?
 A: Because he heard boys Levi's are half off.

From: jcary on 99-01-18 (S104)
 Q: What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
 A: Michael Jackson's hand.

From: ksnook on 1/21/2002 (S263)
 Q: When is it time to go to bed in Michael Jackson's house?
 A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

Top
Subj:     The Traffic Jam (S76)
          From: RFSlick on 98-07-15

 A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles, and as
 he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a
 massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different
 freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all
 directions.  After a while, he notices a guy walking
 from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to
 people through their car windows.

 When the guy reaches him, he rolls down his window and
 says, "Hey! What's causing all this delay?"  The guy on
 the freeways says, "Well, you're not going to believe this,
 but OJ Simpson has sat down in the middle of the freeway
 intersection up there, and he's totally distraught, and he
 says there's no way he can ever pay the $35 million he owes
 the Goldmans and the Browns; so he's threatened to douse
 himself in gasoline and light himself on fire if people
 don't give enough money sufficient to cover the cost of
 the judgment.  So I've taken up a collection to try to end
 the traffic jam."

 "How much have you gotten so far."

 "About ten gallons."

Top
Subj:     Short O. J. Simpson Jokes
 

Top
Subj:     Las Vegas... (S614c)
          From: gattica30 on 10/13/2008
Photo from TheSuperFicial.com
 This photo is cute.  Poetic justice is sweet.
 Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

 You heard that Hertz dropped O.J.'s commercial contract, but
 did you hear that Taco Bell hired him?   Yeah, for their Run
 for the Border commercials!

 Did you hear O.J. was getting married again?
 Yeah, he wants to take another stab at it.

 Did you hear that John Elway was arrested in the OJ case?
 The police heard that OJ was seen with a "slow white Bronco".

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #89
 O.J.'s contribution to a new family abuse shelter called
 Tempura House, it's for lightly battered women.

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 More evidence that O.J. didn't kill his ex-wife:
 Any man who can sit beside Howard Cosell on Monday Night
 Football without killing him would never kill anyone.

 Q: What is the difference between O.J. Simpson ? PeeWee Herman?
 A: It took 12 jerks for O.J. to get off.

 Q: What is the difference between OJ Simpson
    and Christopher Reeve?
 A: OJ walked, and and Christopher got the electric chair.

 Q: Do you know why they acquitted O.J. when they did?
 A: Thanksgiving was just around the corner and he was the
    only one in the family who knew how to cut up the white meat.

 Q: Why was John Elway being questioned in the O.J Simpson trial?
 A: Because they were talking about a Slow, White, Bronco.

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 Q: What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and the king of the jungle?
 A: One is an African lion and the other is a lying African.

From: dscott on 97-07-24
 Q: What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
 A: It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

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