Subj: Priest2 Jokes
(Includes 26 jokes and articles, 16 1053,2,cf,vXT5a,0)
Cross w/Ivy from
Subj: Herman Cartoon (S1053)
By Jim Unger on 4/21/2011
Subj: Turkey Penance (S331)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/2/2003
Ducking into confession with
a turkey in his arms, Brian
said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this
turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my
"Certainly not," said the Priest.
"As penance, you must
return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but
he refused. Oh, Father, what
should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then
it is all right for you to
keep it for your family."
Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.
When confession was over, the
Priest returned to his
residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that
someone had stolen his turkey.
Subj: 80 Year Old Confesses To An Affair (S126b, S585c)
From: RFSlick on 6/23/99
and From: tom on 4/7/2008
An elderly man goes into confession
and says to the priest,
"Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have 4 kids and 11
grandchildren. Last night I had an affair and made love to
two 18-year old girls. Both of them. Twice."
The priest says, "Well, my son,
when was the last time you
were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone."
Subj: Priest And Young Boy Talk About His Collar (S123)
From: KMacinty on 6/1/99
A priest was walking along the
corridor of the parochial school
near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting
by on the way to the cafeteria. One little lad of about three or
four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked,
"Why do you dress funny?"
He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.
Then the boy pointed to the priest's
plastic collar tab and asked,
"Do you have an owie?"
The priest was perplexed till
he realized that to him the collar
tab looked like a band aid. The priest took it out and handed it
to the boy to show him. On the back of the tab are raised letters
giving the name of the manufacturer.
The little guy felt the letters,
and the priest asked, "Do you
know what those words say?"
"Yes I do," said the lad who
was not old enough to read. Peering
intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six
Subj: 2ed, Priest And Boy Talk About His Collar (S238, S650)
From: JBCARY1 on 8/20/2001
and From: allenbergman on 6/24/2009
A little boy got on the bus,
sat next to a man reading a
book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The
little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said
"I am a Father." The little
boy replied " My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.
"The priest looked up from his
book and answered "I am the
Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls
and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest getting impatient
said "I am the Father of
hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly...but
on leaving the bus he leaned
over and whispered.... "Well, maybe you should wear a condom
and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
Subj: Man Confesses To Almost Having Sex (S117, S546c)
From: DoctorDebt on 2/13/2004
and From: gattica30 on 6/28/2007
A married Irishman goes to confessional
and tells the priest,
"I had an affair with a woman - almost." The priest says,
"What do you mean, 'almost'?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed
and rubbed together,
but then I stopped." The priest replies, "Rubbing together
is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that
woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the
The man leaves confessional,
goes over and says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and
then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching him,
quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't
put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well, Father,
I rubbed up against it and
you said it was the same as putting it in!"
Subj: Man Joins Silent Monastery (S115, S508)
From: collins2 on 4/11/99
and From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2006
A man was tired of the work force.
Tired of going to work
everyday, tired of dealing with people in general. So,
he decided to join the local monastery.
Upon entering, the head monsignor
told him that they have
very strict rules, one of which is, that you cannot talk
at all, not one word for 5 years. After 5 years you will
be called into my office and you may say two words. The
man decided to join. For 5 years he didn't utter a word.
At the end of that 5 years he went into the monsignor's
office, the monsignor said, you may now say your two words.
With that the man said "foods cold".
Five more years go by and he
is in the monsignor's office
again. The monsignor told him to go ahead and say his two
words. The man said "beds hard".
Another 5 years go by and he
is in the monsignor's office
again, and this time he says "I quit". The monsignor says
"I am not surprised, you have done nothing but complain
since you got here".
Subj: Men Of The Cloth Visit Whore House (S109)
From: grs on 99-03-03
A pair of Irish ditch diggers
were repairing some road
damage directly across the street from a house of ill
repute when they witnessed a Protestant Reverend lurking
about and then ducking into the house.
"Would ya look at that Darby!"
said Pat. "What a shameful
disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house
the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads in
disgust and continued their work.
A short time later they watched
as a Jewish Rabbi looked
around himself cautiously and then darted into the house
when he was satisfied no one had spied him. "Did ya see
that Darby?" Pat asked the other in shock and disbelief.
"Is nothing holy to those Jewish people? I just can't
understand what the world is coming to these days. A man
of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh.
'Tis a crying shame, I tell ya!"
Not long had passed when they
saw a third man, a Catholic
priest, lurking about the house looking around to see if
any one was watching and then quietly sneaking in the
"Oh no, Darby, look!" Said
Pat removing his cap. "One
of the poor girls musta died.
Subj: Priest Hears About Nookie Green (S100, S742)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #302 on 98-12-30
and From: allenbergman on 3/24/2011
A priest is in a church on Saturday
A man walks in and kneels down
- father, it has been two
weeks since my last confession - these are my sins. Last
night I had sex with Nookie Green.
That is your sin?
You are forgiven. Go out and say one Our Father.
The man leaves. Soon, another
enters and kneels. Father,
it has been one month since my last confession. These are
my sins. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for
the last month.
The priest thinks to himself
this Nookie Green woman is
fairly popular with his male parishioners...
Those are your sins?
You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys.
The man leaves. Soon, another
enters and kneels down.
Father, it has been six months since my last confession.
These are my sins -I have had sex with Nookie Green twice
a week for the last six months.
This time priest has to ask - Who is this Nookie Green?
Just a woman I know.
Very well - you are forgiven.
Go out and say ten Hail
The priest closes the church
for the evening and leaves
wondering who this Nookie Green woman is.
The next morning, the priest
is up in front of his
congregation giving the sermon. The doors fly open in
the back of the church and in walks this woman, a tall
redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress,
green sequined heels, and a green hat with a long green
feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle
and sits down right in front of the priest, her knees
apart. The priest can not help but stop and stare. He
finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar
boy - Pssssst. Is that Nookie Green?
The altar boy has a look and
and says, "No, I think it's
just the reflection off her shoes."
Subj: Priest Hears Man's Confession Of An Affair (S78)
From: thebartend on 98-07-28
Same as 'Man Confesses To Almost Having Sex' in this file.
Subj: Priest And Nun Pretend They're Married (S283b)
From: Anaise on 98-06-10
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm.
After a while,
they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared
to go to sleep.
There was a stack of blankets and a
sleeping bag on the floor
but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister,
you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping
Just as he got zipped up in the bag
and was beginning to fall
asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the
sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping
bag, zipped it up and
started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said,
"Father, I'm still very cold."
He unzipped the bag, got up
again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping
bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."
This time, he remained there and said,
"Sister, I have an idea.
We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know
what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Get
up and get your own
Subj: Priest Posted To The Desert
From: Ossama's Laugh on 5/14/98
Seems this Catholic priest was
feeling despondent over being
posted to a dry, desert parish. He wrote letters to his
bishop constantly, requesting that he be posted somewhere
more hospitable. No reply to his letters ever came, and soon
the letters stopped.
Some time later, when the archbishop
was making the rounds
of the rural churches, he stopped in to see how the unhappy
priest was doing. He found a pleasant man, in an air-
conditioned church. There were no parishoners, since the
closest neighbors were many miles away. The archbishop
admitted to some confusion, since the priest did not look
like the desperate writer of so many letters. He asked the
priest how he liked it out in the desert.
"At first I was unhappy.
But thanks to two things I have
grown to love it out here in the sparse desert."
"And they are?" the archibishop inquired.
"The first is my Rosary.
Without my Rosary I wouldn't make
it a day out here."
"And the second?"
At this the priest looked askance.
"Well, to be honest, I
have developed a taste for martinis in the afternoon. They
help to alleviate the heat during the worst part of the
day." He looked sheepish at this admission, but the arch-
bishop just smiled.
"Martinis, eh? Well, that's
not so bad. In fact, I'd be
glad to share one with you right now, if you don't mind
"Not at all!" the priest exulted,
"Let me get one for you
Turning to the back of the church,
the priest shouted, "Oh,
Subj: Woman Confesses Sex With Boyfriend (S157, S585b)
From: thebartend on 98-05-11 and 11/17/2003
and From: tom on 4/7/2008
There once was a young woman who went to confession.
Upon entering the confessional
she said, "Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and
The young woman said, "Last night
my boyfriend made mad
passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard
and then said, "Take seven
lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink the juice.
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
"NO, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
Subj: Promotions For Priests
From: Ossama's Laugh on 5/11/98
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting
together on a train, and
the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance
in your organisation?"
The Priest says "If I am lucky,
I guess I could become a
"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are
seen in a very good light
that I might be made an Arch Bishop" said the Priest a bit
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"If all the Saints should smile,
I guess I could be made a
Cardinal", said the priest.
"Could you be anything higher
than a Cardinal?" probed the
Hesitating a little bit, the
Priest said "I suppose that I
could be elected Pope, but..."
So the Rabbi says "And could
you be anything higher than
that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"
"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it."
Subj: Priest Hears Confession Of Amorous Man
From: The Bartenders Joke of the Day on 18 Mar 98
Once, there was this guy, who
personally felt that he has done
lot of sins and one day he has decided to go to the church and
confess all of his sins. When he arrived at a church, he walked
to the confession area and spoke to the priest.
"Father, I am sinful. "
"Yes son, just tell me what have
you done, the Lord will
"Father, I have a steady relationship
with my girlfriend, it's
been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us.
Yesterday,I visited her house, nobody was at home except for
her sister. We were alone and I slept with her. "
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to
her office to look for her, but
nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept
with her too."
"That's not very good of you."
"Father, last month, I went to
her uncle's house to look for
her, nobody was around except for her aunt, and I slept with
"Father? ......... Father?" suddenly
this guy realized that
there was no response from the Father, he walked over and
discovered that the priest was not there. So he began
searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and
finally he found him hiding
under the table behind the piano.
"Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered
there is nobody around here
except you and me."
Subj: Priest Gets Up On The Wrong Side (S57, S695)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #234 on 98-03-04
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/27/2005
A young priest gets up in the
morning and goes to breakfast.
On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good
morning sisters." and they reply in a sing song manner, "You
got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This stuns the priest who thought
he had been very polite
but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while
later along the way and he says,"Good morning Brother."
The Brother replies in a sing
song voice, "You got up on
the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest looks
confused at all this but goes on.
He gets a little farther and
he comes across a fellow priest
and he says, "Good morning Father."
The priest replies in a sing
song manner, "You got up on the
wrong side of the bed this morning." Now the priest was mad.
He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word
to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..."
The young priest was not going
to take any more even from
the Bishop. He looks at the Bishop and says, "No I did not
get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"
The Bishop looks at him stunned
and says, "What?" The priest
realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your Holiness,
what is it you want?"
The Bishop looks at him and says,
"All I was going to do was
ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?"
Subj: Twelve Monk's Final Test (S325)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/25/2003
Twelve monks were about to be
ordained. The final test
was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude,
in a garden while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude
model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell
attached to his penis and they were told that anyone
whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would
not be ordained because he had not reached a state of
The beautiful model danced before
the first monk candidate,
with no reaction She proceeded down the line with the same
response from all the monks until she got to the final
monk. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that
it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, he took a few steps
forward and bent over to
pick up the bell.
And then, all the other bells started to ring.
Subj: Monks Open a Flower Shop (S198, S610c)
From: ipkis on 97-08-22
and From: hellgunner50 on 9/16/2008
There once was a small town in
which lived a group of monks.
These monks, having need of money to fund their monastary,
decided to open up a flower shop. Well the rest of the towns-
people were very pleased at first, since they hadn't had a
flower shop before. However, some people became concerned
when they noticed that whenever children were sent to the
flower shop to buy (you guessed it!) flowers, they went
A group of citizens went to the
shop to see if the monks knew
what had happened to them. They entered the store and were
immediately impressed and awed by the wide assortment of
exotic flora present. However, their admiration turned to
horror when one of the larger plants reached down, grabbed a
small boy, and swallowed him whole!
The villagers fled the shop screaming,
attracting the attention
of the other townspeople. As soon as the news was spread, the
people decided that the only thing to do was to get rid of the
A group of 20 men were assembled,
and they armed themselves
with clubs and staves. At high noon, they attacked the monks'
flower shop. However, they were unprepared for the high level
of fighting skills of the brown-robed brothers: The men were
beaten back in less than fifteen minutes!
So the townspeople assembled
a second group, this time arming
them with knives and scythes. At midnight, they attacked. But
once again, the merciless monks beat them back, this time in
less than ten minutes!
The townspeople were at a loss.
Who would save them from the
corrupt Cappucins? Suddenly, out of the darkness, stepped Hugh
the blacksmith, the tallest, strongest, and dumbest man in the
"Do not worry, my friends", said
Hugh. "I will rid this town of
these evil evangelists!"
The townspeople, having no other
alternative (and nothing to
lose except a relatively poor blacksmith), armed Hugh with clubs,
staves, knives and scythes, and sent him off to vanquish the foul
friars. They waited impatiently at the edge of the town, hoping
against hope that Hugh would return victorious.
Suddenly, over the crest of the
hill, sillouetted against the
afternoon sun, appeared Hugh. Over his shoulder was slung the
remains of the hideous man-eating plant.
"The monks have fled! Their
flowers will trouble us no more!",
cried Hugh. The townspeople cried out with joy, and, proclaiming
the day a holiday, feasted and danced until dawn.
From that day on, a moral was
passed on to all the children of
the town. Whenever they were tempted to make fun of Hugh and his
slow ways, they were reminded:
"That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars"
Second version From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 1/28/2002
These friars were behind on their
belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them
to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.
Subj: Three Priests Go Skinny Dipping (S293b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/12/2002
Three priests went for a hike
one day. It was very hot.
They were sweating and were exhausted when they came upon
a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took
off all their clothes and jumped into the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided
to pick a few berries
while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an
open area, a group of ladies came along from town. Unable
to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered
their privates, but the third one covered his face while
they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and
the men got their clothes
back on, the first two priests asked the third why he
covered his face rather than his privates.
The third replied, "I do not
know about you, but in my
congregation, it is my face they would recognize."
Subj: Two Priests In The Shower (S44)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day on 12/1/97
One morning 2 priests head to
the showers and it isn't
until they are already in the shower they both realize
they did not bring any soap.
Father Bob decides he'll run
back for the soap, he checks
out the hallway, no one is around so rather than get
dressed he decides to make a run for it. He checks the
hall before heading back to the showers - all clear, so
he makes a break for it.
Just as he turns the corner to
the showers he spots three
nuns walking towards him. With no where to go he stands
perfectly still, holding the 2 bars of soap hoping the
nuns will think he's a statue.
The nuns approach, "oh my look
at that, isn't that the
most life like statue you've ever seen?" the first asks.
She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a
couple of tugs on the priest's tally whacker. Startled
he drops the 1st bar of soap. "Oh heavens she exclaims,
I got a bar of soap".
The 2nd nun amazed at how realistic
the statue looked
steps closer and again, a couple of tugs on the priest's
tally whacker and he drops the other bar of soap "my
goodness, I got a bar of soap too". The nuns can't
The 3rd nun, overcome by the
miracle statue, walks up to
it and gives a couple of tugs, "my God this is amazing"
she says, "I got hand soap!!"
Subj: Final Test For Priesthood (S48)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #280 on 97-12-28
Three young Irish candidates
for the priesthood are told by
the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy
Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them
to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's willy.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing
a sexy belly-dancer
costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first
"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor,
"I am so disappointed in
your lack of control. Run along now and take a long, cold
shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate
The dancer continues, dancing
around the second candidate,
slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor.
"You too are unable
to withstand your carnal desires. Off you go... take a long,
cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing
naked in front of the final
Nothing. She writhes up
and down against his body. No
response. Finally, exhausted, she quits.
"Michael, my son, I am truly
proud of you," says the
Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character
needed to become a priest. Now, go and join your weaker
brethren in the showers."
Subj: Priest Says Hoover (S407, S756)
From: DafterLafter on 11/16/2004
and From: email@example.com on 7/4/2011
Father Murphy was playing golf
with a parishioner. On the
first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard
him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath.
On the second hole, the ball
went straight into a water
hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle
occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive
landed on the green only six inches from the hole!
"Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt,
but the ball curved around
the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!"
By this time, his opponent couldn't
withhold his curiosity
any longer, and asked why the priest said, "Hoover".
"It's the biggest dam I know!"
Subj: Priest Plays Golf On Sunday (S121, S823)
From: Imogenelumen on 4/28/2004
and From: tom on 10/14/2012
One Sunday morning, Father Flannagan
was really in the mood
for golf and decided to play "hookie". He called the Asst.
Pastor and said he was sick. He then snuck over to the
Country Club, knowing it would be closed and no one would
be there, and he climbed over the fence. When he got to the
first hole, St. Peter said to God, "Look, Lord, there's a
man of the cloth playing golf on Sunday morning!"
The Lord said, "Don't worry, I'll get him."
St. Peter asked, "Are you going
to send down a bolt of
The Lord said, "No. Don't worry, I'll get him."
Father Flannagan winds up and
hits his tee shot. Never had
he hit such a drive! The ball was still going up as it passed
the 200 yard marker! 320 yards out, right in the middle of
the fairway, was a small boulder. The priests ball came
flying in, careened off the top of the rock, and flew straight
at the green.....five feet off the ground and moving like a
bullet. The ball bounced 20 feet in front of the green, and
rolled up the green and dropped into the cup!
St. Peter looked over at God
and dryly said, "I thought you
were going to punish him?"
The Lord answered, "Who's he going to tell?"
Subj: Priest And Youth Play Golf (S295b, S1053)
From: rfslick on 7/30/2013
One day a priest and a youth
went to play golf. The youth
got to go first, he stood over the tee and swung with all
his might but only scuffed the grass and said "Damn missed!!"
The priest gave him a bad look.
The youth tried again and
once again he scuffed the grass, "Damn missed!!" he said
again. The priest was now getting rather upset at this young
man's language and said "God will get very angry if you say
that again !"
Once again the youth swore.
The priest now furious said "If
you say that again God will strike you down with a bolt of
||Sure enough he did.
This time as he said
those words the sky went dark, oh so very
dark, it filled with clouds and suddenly a
bolt of lightening came out from them and
struck the priest dead!!!
As the youth stood shocked a deep rumbling
A young man and a priest are
playing together. At a short
par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this
hole my son?"
The young man says, "An
8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron
and puts the ball on the
green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball
out a few yards.
The young man says, "I
don't know about you father, but
in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."
Subj: Priest Hears Golfer's Confession (S209, S855)
From: pns on 2/3/2001
and From: AFine963 on 5/31/2013
This man goes to confession and
says, "Forgive me father
for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to
confess his sins and the man replies that he used the
"F-word" over the weekend.
The priest says, "Oh okay, just
say three Hail Marys and
try to watch your language.
The man replies that he would
like to confess as to why he
said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to
"Well father I played golf on
Sunday with my buddies
instead of going to church." The priest says, "And you
got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't
why I swore. On the first
tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees." The
priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily
because of the constant
interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway,
I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot
to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel
ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree." The priest
asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because
an eagle then flew by and caught
the squirrel in it's sharp talons and flew away." The priest
let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because
the eagle flew over the green
and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed
within 5 inches of the hole." The priest screamed, "Don't
tell me you missed the f------ putt!!!"
Subj: Two Fellows Play Golf (S590b, S771)
From: ginafm on 5/4/2008
and From: tom on 10/20/2011
A fellow was getting ready to
tee off on the first hole
when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join
him. The first said that he usually played alone, but
agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first
two holes. The second guy
said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for
five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow said that he
wasn't much for betting,
but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number
eighteen, and while
counting his $80, the second guy confessed that he was the
pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro got all flustered and
apologetic, offering to
return the money.
The Priest said, "You won fair
and square and I was foolish
to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything
I can do to make it up
The Priest said, "Well, you could
come to mass on Sunday
and make a donation. And, if you bring your mother and
father along, I'll marry them."