Subj:     Church-Supp Jokes
                 (Includes 45 jokes and articles, 11 1017,12,cf,vYT3,4)

          Click "Here" for Church-Supp2

Sunday School  from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Bizarro Cartoon (S874 in Supp2)
.........................Children's Sermon About The Resurrection (S832 in Supp2)
.........................J.Robertson - "Don't Go To Vegas..." (S816-Supp2)
.........................Praying For 'Special Needs' (S794 in Supp2)
.........................Church Mice - A Christian Comic Strip (S815 in Supp2)
.........................The Theology of Toys (DU)
.........................Other Boycotts Of The Southern Baptists (S63 in Supp2)
.........................Peacherine Rag - Video (S730)
.........................Hen Thief At Church (S709b)
.........................Old Lady Tithes $1000 (S654b)
.........................Church Bloopers - Video (S622)
.........................Bar Sues Church (S614)
.........................The Twenty And The One (S602)
.........................The Mississippi Squirrel Revival - Video (S585)
.........................Answered Prayers (S581c, S742)
.........................The Children Of Israel (S530)
.........................Sunday's Sermon 'Forgive Your Enemies' (S496b, S736)
.........................Three Young Men Sell Bibles (S466b)
.........................Squirrels Invade Three Churches (S448, S641b)
.........................Where Is Jesus Today? (S441b, S735)
.........................Children's Message In Church (S415)
.........................Church Humor From Kids (S412)
.........................Dating A Sunday School Teacher (S365b, S641)
.........................The Organist (S485c, S627c)
.........................The Pastor And The Organist (S362b)
.........................Hymns For All Things (S362b)
.........................Lightning Strikes Church (S349b)
.........................How Many Christians... To Change A Light Bulb? (S347)
.........................Ma And Pa Go To Church Once A Year (S322b)
.........................Handyman Quits Synagogue (S321b)
.........................More Short Church Jokes
..............................Lot'S Wife (S1017 in Supp2)
..............................New Church Sign (S775)
..............................Lutheran Airlines - Video/Audio (S766)
..............................Sunday Clothes (S735)
..............................Kings And Queens In The Bible (S690b)
..............................Church Signs In England (S679b)
..............................Butt Dust (S523b)
..............................Ten Most Unique Churches (S633c)
..............................Two Boys Discuss Satin (S594)
..............................Are You Kathlick? (S554c, S792)
..............................The Pastor's Wife At Church (S451b)
..............................Lego Church - Four Pictures (S420)
..............................What Joey Learned In Sunday School (S442b)
..............................Sunday School, Damnation, And Santa (S411b)
..............................Sunday School Class Learns Commandmnts(S323b)

Subj:     Peacherine Rag (S730d in Music2)
          From: ft.apache on 1/6/2011
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/k26nt3Y4cmg
 Performance by the St. Luke's Bottle Band, St. Luke's
 Lutheran Church, Park Ridge, Illinois, May 6, 2007
 playing Peacherine Rag.  Click 'HERE' to listen to
 this very cute band.

Subj:     Hen Thief At Church (S709b)
          From: ArcaMax.com on 8/13/2010

 A minister in a little church had been having trouble with
 the collections.  One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we
 pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the
 person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse
 please refrain from giving any money to the Lord.  The Lord
 doesn't want money from a thief!"

 The collection plate was passed around, and for the first
 time in months everybody gave.

Subj:     Old Lady Tithes $1000 (S654b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/17/2009

 One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering,
 the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope
 containing $1,000.  It happened again the next week!

 The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was
 collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive
 pink envelope on the plate.  This went on for weeks until
 the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

 'Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000
 a week in the collection plate, he stated.

 'Why yes, she replied, every week my son sends me money
 and I give some of it to the church'

 The pastor replied, 'That's wonderful.  But $1000 is a lot,
 are you sure you can afford this?   How much does he send

 The elderly woman answered, $10,000 a week.'

 The pastor was amazed, your son is very successful; what
 does he do for a living?

 'He is a veterinarian, she answered.

 'That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they
 made that much money, the pastor said.

 'Where does he practice?'

 The woman answered proudly, in Nevada, he has two cat houses,
 one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.

Subj:     Church Bloopers (S622d)
          From: mauryschu on 12/7/2008
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/d8dwxK9ytuQ

 This video of mistakes made during different services
 is quite funny.  Click 'HERE' to view it.

Subj:     Bar Sues Church (S614)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2008

 In a small Texas town (Mt. Vernon), Drummond's Bar began
 construction on a new building to increase their business.
 The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the
 bar from opening with petitions and prayers.

 Work progressed right up till the week before opening when
 lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.  The
 church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that,
 until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the
 church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his
 building, either through direct or indirect actions or
 means.  The church vehemently denied all responsibility or
 any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

 As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over
 the paperwork.  At the hearing he commented, "I don't know
 how I'm going to decide this case.  It appears that we have
 a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an
 entire church congregation that does not."

 Snopes.com has declared this story an urban legend at

Subj:     The Twenty And The One (S602)
          From: tom on 7/24/2008

 A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed
 twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to
 be retired.  As they moved along the conveyor belt to be
 burned, they struck up a conversation.

 The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all
 over the country.  'I've had a pretty good life,' the
 twenty proclaimed. 'Why I've been to Las Vegas and
 Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York,
 performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the

 'Wow!' said the one-dollar bill. 'You've really had an
 exciting life!'

 'So tell me,' says the twenty, 'where have you been
 throughout your lifetime?'

 The one dollar bill replies, 'Oh, I've been to the
 Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church,
 the Episcopalian church, the Presbyterian church, the
 Catholic Church, ...'

 The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, 'What's a church?'

Subj:    Ray Stevens - The Mississippi Squirrel Revival
          From: rfslick on 4/5/2008 (in Anim-Supp)
      and From: virv on 10/5/2011 (S585d, S769)
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/K16fG1sDagU
 This video is from the DVD Ray Stevens - Comedy Video
 Classics, a comedic song about a squirrel that gets
 loose at church and the chaos that ensues.  Click on
 'HERE' to see this very funny music video.

Subj:     Answered Prayers (S581c, S742)
          From: fischer-j on 3/7/2008
      and From: allenbergman on 3/29/2011

 The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like
 to express Praise for answered prayers.  A lady stood and
 walked to the podium.  She said, 'I have a praise.  Two
 months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck
 and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was
 excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could
 help him.'

 You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the
 congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim
 experienced.  She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me
 or the children and every move caused him terrible pain.
 We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.
 They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of
 Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'

 Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably
 as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
 She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the
 doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover
 completely.'  All the men sighed with relief.

 The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had
 anything to say.  A man rose and walked to the podium.
 He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is

Subj:     The Children Of Israel (S530)
          From: drgolfmd on 3/15/2007

 At a Christian school the Bible teacher finished the day's
 lesson.  It was now time for the usual question period.

 "Teacher?" asked little Melvin. "There's something I need
 to know."

 "What's that son?" asked the teacher.

 "Well, according to the Scriptures, the children of Israel
 crossed the Red Sea , right?"


 "And the children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"


 "And the children of Israel built the temple, right?"

 "Again, you are correct."

 "And the children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the
 children of Israel fought the Romans, and the children of
 Israel were always doing something important, right?"

 "All that is correct," agreed the teacher. "Son, what
 specifically is your question?"

 "What I need to know is this," replied Melvin. "What were
 all the grown-ups doing?"

Subj:     Sunday's Sermon 'Forgive Your Enemies' (S496b, S736)
          From: DoctorDebt on 7/27/2006
      and From: ginafm on 2/17/2011

 All golfers should live so long as to be this kind of old

 Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked,
 "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

 80% held up their hands.

 The Minister then repeated his question.  All responded
 this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter
 Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a
good morning for golf.  It's
good to see you here today.  Are
you not willing to forgive your

"I don't have any," he replied

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual.
How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," he replied.  The
congregation stood up and clapped
their hands.

"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please

 come down in front and tell us all how a person can live
 ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

 The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of
 the pulpit, turned around, faced the  congregation, and
 said simply, "I outlived all the sons of bitches."

Subj:     Three Young Men Sell Bibles (S466b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 12/21/2005

 A minister concluded  that his church was getting into
 serious financial troubles.  Coincidentally, by chance,
 while checking  the church  storeroom, he discovered
 several cartons of new bibles that  had never  been opened
 and distributed. So at the end of his sermon  the
 following Sunday, he asked for three volunteers from the
 congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles
 door-to-door  for  $10 each to raise the desperately
 needed money for the church.

 Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to   volunteer
 for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and  Paul
 earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable
 of  selling some  bibles but he had serious doubts about
 Louie.   Louie was just a  little local farmer, who had
 always tended to keep to himself because he was
 embarrassed by his speech impediment.  Poor little
 Louis stuttered very  badly. But, not wanting to
 discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided  to let him
 try  anyway. He sent the three of them away with the
 back seat of  their cars stacked with bibles and asked
 them to meet  with  him and report the results of their
 door-to-door selling efforts  the  following Sunday.
 Eager to find out how successful they  were,  the reverend
 immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you  make
 out selling our bibles last week?"

 Proudly handing  the  reverend an envelope, Peter replied,
 "Father, using my sales   prowess, I was able to sell
 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on  behalf of
 the church."

 "Fine job, Peter!"  The reverend said,  vigorously shaking
 his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church
 is indebted to you." Turning  to Paul, he asked ! "And Paul,
 how many  bibles did you manage to  sell for the church last

 Paul, smiling and  sticking out his chest, confidently
 replied,  "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was
 happy to give the church the  benefit of my sales expertise.
 Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of  the church, and
 here's $280 I collected."

 The  reverend  responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul.
 You are truly a professional  salesman and the church is also
 indebted to  you."

 Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and
 said, "And  Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last

 Louie  silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The
 reverend opened it  and counted the contents. "What is  this?"
 the reverend  exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are
 you suggesting that you  sold 320 bibles for the church, door
 to  door, in just one  week? Louie just nodded.

 That's impossible!" both Peter and  Paul said in unison. "We
 are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have  sold 10 times
 as many  bibles as we could."

 "Yes, this does  seem unlikely," the  reverend agreed. "I think
 you'd better explain how  you managed to  accomplish this, Louie."

 Louie shrugged. "I-I-I-  re-re-really  do-do-don't kn-kn-know
 f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered. Impatiently, Peter
 interrupted. "For crying out loud,   Louie, just tell us what
 you said to them when they answered the door!"

 "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied,
 "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy
 th-th-th-this   b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks
 ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would   yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me
 t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and   r-r-r-r-r-read! it t-to

Subj:     Squirrels Invade Three Churches (S448, S641b)
          From: Readers Digest on September of 2005
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 4/21/2009

 Squirrels had overrun three churches in town.  After much
 prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the
 animals were predestined to be there.  'Who were they to
 interfere with God's will?' they reasoned.  Soon, the
 squirrels multiplied.

 The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not
 harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels
 and set them free outside of the town.  Three days later, the
 squirrels were back.

 It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the
 pests away.  The elders baptized the squirrels and registered
 them as members of the church.  Now they only see them on
 Christmas and Easter.

Subj:     Where Is Jesus Today? (S441b, S735)
          From Joke_Centra.com on 7/7/2005
 Source: (Removed from joke-central.com)
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

 A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that
 his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ
 because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.  He
 wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus
 occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked
 his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

 Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was
 called on and answered, "He's in my heart."  Little Johnny,
 waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's
 in our bathroom!!!"

 The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and
 waited for a response.  The teacher was completely at a loss
 for a few very long seconds.  He finally gathered his wits
 and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

 Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up,
 bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you
 still in there?'!"

Subj:     Children's Message In Church (S415)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/11/2005

 A pastor was giving the children's message during church.
 For this part of the service, he would gather all the
 children around him and give a brief lesson before
 dismissing them for children's church.

 On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an
 object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out
 by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you
 to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children
 nodded eagerly.

 "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts
 pause)..." No hands went up.

 "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail

 The children were looking at each other, but still no hands
 raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and
 chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."

 Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The
 pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him.

 "Well...," said the boy, "I *know* the answer must be
 Jesus...but is sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

Subj:     Church Humor From Kids (S412)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 12/15/2004

 After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason
 sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  His
 father asked him three times what was wrong.  Finally, the
 boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up
 in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

 I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
 the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she
 would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally,
 she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully
 enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer:
 "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us
 some E-mail.

 One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our
 trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

 3-year-old, Reese:
 "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

 A little boy was overheard praying:
 "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
 I'm having a real good time like I am."

 A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on
 the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be
 quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because
 people are sleeping."

 Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were
 sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked
 out loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're
 not supposed to talk out loud in church."

 "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

 Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
 two men standing by the door?  They're hushers."

 A mother was preparing pancakesfor her sons, Kevin, 5 and
 Ryan 3.  The boys began to argue over who would get the
 first pancake.  Their mother saw the opportunity for a
 moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
 Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you
 be Jesus!"

 A father was at the beach with his children when his four-
 year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him
 to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

 "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

 "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

 The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him
 back down?"

 A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she
 turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you
 like to say the blessing?"

 "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

 "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

 The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth
 did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Subj:     Dating A Sunday School Teacher (S365b, S864)
          From: gheckman on 12/30/2003
      and From: tom on 7/30/2013

 Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church.  Lena
 went every Sunday and taught Sunday School.  Ole went on
 Christmas and Easter and once in awhile he went on one of
 the other Sundays.

 On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind
 Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.
 Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned
 forward and said,

 "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New
 Ulm next Friday?"

 "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

 Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck.  All week long he
 polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked
 Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New
 Ulm.  When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and
 said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before

 "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday
 School class?"

 Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much
 until after dinner.  Then he reached in his pocket and
 pulled out a pack of cigarettes and said "Hey, Lena,
 vould you like a smoke?"

 "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena.  "Vat vould I tell my Sunday
 School class?"

 Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he
 yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven
 dey passed the Hot Springs Motel.  He'd struck out
 twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
 "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at
 that motel with me?"

 "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

 Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck.  He did a U-turn
 right then and there across the median and everything,
 and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena.

 The next morning Ole got up first.  He looked at Lena
 lying there in the bed, her blond curls on the pillow.
 "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole. He shook
 Lena and she woke up.  "Lena, I've got to ask you von
 ting," said Ole.  "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday
 School class?"

 "Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem.  You don't
 have to smoke or drink to have a good time!"

Subj:     The Organist (S485c, S627c)
          From: DoctorDebt on 5/7/2006
      and From: tom on 1/14/2009

 There was a church that had a very big-busted  organist.
 Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled
 while she played.  Unfortunately, she distracted the
 congregation considerably.  The very proper church ladies
 were appalled.  They said something had to be done about
 this or they would have to get another organist.

 One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told
 her to mash up some green persimmons... (if you eat them
 they make you pucker, because they are so sour) ... so
 rub some on your breasts and maybe they would shrink in
 size.  She agreed to try it.

 The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the
 pulpit and said, "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol
 we will not hath a thermon tewday.

Subj:     The Pastor And The Organist (S362b)
..........From: Imogenelumen on 1/2/2004

 The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was
 going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation
 to come up with more money than they were expecting for
 repairs to the church building.  Therefore, he was annoyed
 to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute
 had been brought in at the last minute.

 The substitute wanted to know what to play.  "Here's a copy
 of the service," he said impatiently.  "But you'll have to
 think of something to play after I make the announcement
 about the finances."

 During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers
 and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs
 cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more.
 Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

 At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-
 Spangled Banner."

 And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Subj:     Hymns For All Things (S362b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 1/2/2004

 The Dentist's Hymn:.............Crown Him with Many Crowns
 The Weatherman's Hymn...........There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
 The Contractor's Hymn:..........The Church's One Foundation
 The Tailor's Hymn:..............Holy, Holy, Holy
 The Golfer's Hymn:..............There's a Green Hill Far Away
 The Politician's Hymn:..........Standing on the Promises
 The Optometrist's Hymn:.........Open My Eyes That I Might See
 The IRS Agent's Hymn:...........I Surrender All
 The Gossip's Hymn:..............Pass It On
 The Electrician's Hymn:.........Send The Light
 The Shopper's Hymn:.............Sweet By and By
 The Realtor's Hymn:.............I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
 The Doctor's Hymn:..............The Great Physician
 AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
 -----45mph......................God Will Take Care of You
 -----55mph......................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
 -----65mph......................Nearer My God To Thee
 -----75mph......................Nearer Still Nearer
 -----85mph......................This World Is Not My Home
 -----95mph......................Lord, I'm Coming Home

Subj:     Lightning Strikes Church (S349b)
          From: merlin_of_chaos on 10/8/2003
 Source: http://snopes.com/religion/bolt.htm

 True story, not a joke

 FOREST - A guest evangelist at First Baptist Church in Forest
 was preaching about penance and asking for a sign on Tuesday
 night, when the church's steeple was hit by lightning, setting
 the church on fire and blowing out the sound system.

 "It was awesome, just awesome," said church member Ronnie
 Cheney, 40, of rural Forest, who was in the church at 206 N.
 Martin St. when the lightning struck.

 "You could hear the storm building outside.  He (the evangelist)
 just kept asking God what else he needed to say," Cheney said.
 "He was asking for a sign and he got one."

 At about 7:45 p.m., lightning hit the church's steeple, went
 through the electrical wiring and blew out the church's sound
 system.  Cheney said the lightning traveled through the
 microphone and enveloped the preacher, but he was not injured.

 Afterward, services resumed for about 20 minutes, but then the
 congregation realized that the church was on fire and the
 building was evacuated.

 According to Forest Fire Chief Doug Hawkin, his crew, along
 with the Kenton and Wharton fire departments, responded to the

 After firemen arrived they saw flames coming from the steeple.
 Firemen doused the blaze, remaining at the scene about three hours.

 "It was kind of interesting hearing the preacher talk about
 what had happened," Hawkin admitted.

 There were no injuries.

 Damage to the church was estimated at about $20,000.

Subj:     How Many Christians Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (S347)
          From: FridaySilliness on 9/19/2003
 Charismatic: Only one.  Hands already in the air.

 Pentecostals: Ten.  One to change the  bulb, and
    nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

 Presbyterians:  None.   Lights will go on and
    off at predestined times.

 Roman  Catholic: None.   Candles only.

 Baptists: At least 15.   One to change the light bulb, and
    three committees to approve the change and decide who
    brings the potato salad.

 Episcopalians:  Three.   One to call the electrician, one to
    mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the
    old bulb was.

 Mormons: Five.    One man to change the bulb, and four wives
    to tell him how to do it.

 Unitarians:    We choose not to make a statement either in
    favor of or against the need for a light bulb.  However,
    if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs
    work for you, that is fine.  You are invited to write a
    poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for
    the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
    of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent,
    three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally
    valid paths to luminescence.

 Methodists:    Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull,
    or completely out, you are loved. You  can be a light bulb,
    turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.  Church-wide lighting service is
    planned for Sunday.  Bring bulb of your choice and a covered

 Nazarene: Six.   One woman to replace the  bulb while five men
    review church lighting policy.

 Lutherans: None.  Lutherans don't believe in change.

 Amish: What's a light  bulb?

Subj:     Ma And Pa Go To Church Once A Year (S322b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/28/2003

 Ma and Pa made their annual visit to church for the
 Christmas Eve service.  As they were leaving, the minster
 said, "Pa, it sure would be nice to see you and ma here
 more than once a year!"

 "I know," replied Pa, "but at least we keep the Ten

 "That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that
 you keep the Commandments."

 "Yup," Pa said proudly, "Ma keeps six of 'em and I keep
 the other four."

Subj:     Handyman Quits Synagogue (S321b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/22/2003

 A handyman, who was working for a synagogue in Allentown,
 PA, asked for a raise and was flatly refused. So, he quit
 his job and went out searching for work.

 First, he went to a Baptist church. The minister told him
 that in order to get a job there, he would have to answer
 one question. "Where was Jesus born?" the minister asked.

 The handyman answered, "Pittsburgh," and was promptly
 thrown out.

 He then went to a Catholic church and was told that in order
 to work there, he would have to answer one question. "Where
 was Jesus born?" the priest asked.

 "Philadelphia," the handyman answered. Again, he was thrown

 As he continued his search, he met up with the rabbi who
 happened to be looking for him. "I've been looking
 everywhere for you," exclaimed the rabbi. "The board has
 approved your raise. Please, come back immediately."

 "I will come back," the handyman replied, "but only if you
 answer one question. Where was Jesus born?"

 "Bethlehem," the rabbi replied.

 "Aha!" cried the handyman. "I knew it was somewhere in

Subj:     More Short Church Jokes

Subj:     New Church Sign (S775)
          From: Socorro Bell on 11/19/2011
 Source1: ChicagoNow
 Source2: Facebook
Subj:     Lutheran Airlines (S766d in Plane-Supp2)
          From: virv on 9/16/2011.
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/KakIacaDyCI
 Listen to this announcement, and see if you don't want to
 choose this airline!  Even if you are not Lutheran or from
 Minnesota, you will get a kick out of listening to this...
 I especially like how they collect money for the flight.
 Click 'HERE' to hear this audio file with cute photos.
Subj:     Sunday Clothes (S735)
          From: tom on 2/9/2011
 Source: http://cathapol.blogspot.com/2010/02/
 Click 'HERE' to read this cute joke with drawings.

Subj:     Kings And Queens In The Bible (S690b)
          From: tom on 4/9/2010
 A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been
 learning how powerful kings and queens were in Biblical
 times.  But, there is a Higher Power.  Can anybody tell me
 what it is?  One child blurted out, 'Aces!'

Subj:     Church Signs In England (S679b)
          From: samhutkins
          on 1/18/2010 (in Signs-Supp)
 The English have always had away with words!  Click
 'HERE' to see fourteen, funny, English church signs.

Subj:     Butt Dust (S523b)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/20/2007
 The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this
 particular Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister
 began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous
 look on his upturned face.  "Without you, we are but
 dust..."  He would have continued but at that moment my
 very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to
 me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four
 year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

Subj:     Ten Most Unique Churches (S633c)
          From: darrellvip on 2/24/2009
 Source: http://www.oddee.com/item_96506.aspx
 This is part of Oddee.com's odd, bizarre and strange
 things of our world.  Here are pictures of the ten most
 unique churches.  Click 'HERE' to see these beautiful
 houses of worship.

Subj:     Two Boys Discuss Satin (S594)
          From: lauracollins07 on 6/6/2008
 Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing
 a strong preaching on the devil.  One said to the other,
 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'

 The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus
 turned out.  It's probably just your Dad.'

Subj:    Are You Kathlick? (S554c, S792)
         From: AFine963 on 8/24/2007
     and From: virv on 3/21/2012
 This web page is a very cute story with pictures.
 Click 'HERE' to view it.

Subj:     The Pastor's Wife At Church (S451b)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/4/2005
 Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband
 each Sunday to church. One particular Sunday when the sermon
 seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep.

 After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very
 sleepy looking gentleman.  In an attempt to revive him from
 his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said,
 "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."

 To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"

Subj:     Lego Church (S420)
          From: DafterLafter on 2/7/2005
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
 (See 'Amazing Lego' in Artist-Supp)
 The four JPG pictures show you the inside of the Lego Church.
 It is very impressive.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     What Joey Learned In Sunday School (S442b)
          From: The Joke Station
 Source: (Removed from 4degreez.com)
 Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned
 in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent
 Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israel-
 ites out of Egypt.  When he got to the Red Sea, he had his
 engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked
 across safely.  Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio head-
 quarters for reinforcements.  They sent bombers to blow up the
 bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

 "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his
 mother asked.

 "Well, no, Mom.  But if I told it the way the teacher did,
 you'd never believe it!"

Subj:     Sunday School, Damnation, And Santa (S411b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 12/9/2004
 Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each
 deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you
 think about all this damnation ?devil business we studied

 The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how
 the Santa Claus thing turned out.  This is probably just
 your Dad, too."

Subj:     Sunday School Class Learns Commandments (S323b)
          From: gheckman on 4/1/2003
 (See 'Sunday School Lesson On 10 Commandments' in CHURCH)
 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
 with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the
 commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked,
 "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
 brothers and sisters?"

 Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
 family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

From: woneye on 8/27/2003 (S344b)
 Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
 more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

From: Imogenelumen on 1/27/2004 (S366 - quotes-comed)
 The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and
 a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
   -- George Burns

From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/29/2006 (S472b)
 On Saturday night most virile young men go out to
    sow their wild oats.
 And then go to Church the next day to pray for
    a crop failure !!.

From: A fellow wood carver on 01/18/05 (S417b)
 Q: Why won't Baptist ever have sex standing up?
 A: They are afraid that someone will see them and think
    that they are dancing.

                           -(o o)-
.........................From Smiley_Central