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Subj:     Preacher-Supp Jokes
                 (Includes 10 jokes and articles, 20 1014n,3,cf,vXT3,2)

Bishop from
Animation Library
Includes the following:  Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S652)
.........................Minister Buys Gas (S727)
.........................Preacher Who Looked Like Conway Twitty - Music (S577c)
.........................Four Ministers Argue (S588b)
.........................The Vicar's Salary (S578b)
.........................The Energy Non-Crisis - Video (S582)
.........................Preaching About Horseback Riding (S567)
.........................The Preacher's Son (S557b)
.........................Minister Parks Illegally (S543)
.........................Minister's First Funeral (S470b, S729)

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S652n)
          By Bob Thaves on 7/6/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2009/07/06
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Subj:     Minister Buys Gas (S727)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 12/22/2010

 A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas
 just before a long holiday weekend.  The attendant worked
 quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front
 of the service station.  Finally, the attendant motioned
 him toward a vacant pump.

 "Sorry about the delay.  It seems as if everyone waits
 until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

 The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean.  It's the
 same in my business."

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Subj:   Preacher Who Looked Like Conway Twitty
        From: darrellvip on 1/28/2008 (S577c,2 files)
Conway Twitty photo from Die-Rock-And-Roll-Ag.de...

 The new Texas preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty,
 the country music singer.  One day he decided to visit some
 of the church members who hadn't been to service lately.

 He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door.
 When she answered the door, she said, 'Conway Twitty!'

 'No ma'am,' he replied. 'I'm your new pastor, and I came
 to have prayer with you.'  So she said come right on in.

 He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was
 Conway Twitty.

 Then he came to a young widow woman's house on the end of
 the street.  She was taking a shower at the time, so she
 just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.

 When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which
 allowed the towel to fall to the floor.  'Oh my God!' she
 exclaimed. 'It's Conway Twitty!'

 And the preacher said...........
 
 
 

 'Hello, Darlin!!'
 
 
 

 You can listen to Conway Twitty's 'Hello Darlin'
 by clicking on the speaker. 

 You can listen to a medley of Conway Twiddy songs
 by clicking on the speaker. 

 

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Subj:     Four Ministers Argue (S588b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/25/2008

 The story goes that four ministers had a series of
 theological arguments, and three were always in accord
 against the fourth.

 One day, the odd minister out, after the usual "3 to 1
 majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost
 again, decided to appeal to a *higher* authority.

 "Oh, Lord!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right
 and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to
 them!"

 It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the minister
 finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky
 above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved.

 "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the
 other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds
 form on hot days.

 So the minister prayed again:

 "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right
 and they are wrong. So please, Lord, a bigger sign!"

 This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each
 other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning
 slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

 "I told you I was right!" cried the minister, but his
 friends insisted that nothing had happened that could
 not be explained by natural causes.

 The minister was getting ready to ask for a *very big*
 sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned
 pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice
 intoned,

 "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"

 The minister put his hands on his hips, turned to the
 other three, and said,

 "Well?!"

 "So," shrugged one of the other ministers, "now it's 3 to 2."

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Subj:     The Vicar's Salary (S578b)
          From: hellgunner50 on 2/7/2008
 (See 'Mailman's Last Day' in Mailman)

 The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
 congregation that will pay him more.

 There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to
 leave.  Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the
 area, stands up and proclaims: "If the Vicar stays, I will
 provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with
 a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

 The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.  Sam
 Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and
 says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double
 his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee private
 secondary school education of his children!"

 More sighs and loud applause.  Agnes Jones, age 88, stands
 and announces with a smile, if the Vicar stays, I will give
 him sex."

 There is total silence.

 The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever
 possessed you to say that?"

 Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide,
 holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
 his head from side to side, while his wife replies: "Well,
 I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,
 "F### the Vicar."

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Subj:     The Energy Non-Crisis (S582)
          From: rfslick on 3/18/2008
Photo from Yahoo! Videos
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/NbakN7SLdbk

 Lindsey Williams talks about his first hand knowledge of
 Alaskan oil reserves larger than any on earth.  Lindsey
 talks about how the oil companies and U.S. government won't
 send it through the pipeline for U.S. citizens to use.  The
 video is long, but well worth seeing at the above source.
 The video is in eight segments.

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Subj:     Preaching About Horseback Riding (S567)
          From: rfslick on 11/29/2007
 (Also see 'Minister Gives A Talk About Sex' in Preacher
       and 'Irish Toast Masters' Club in Irish2)

 It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been
 able to think of a sermon for the next morning.  About 9 PM
 he finally said to his wife, 'Dear, I think I've come up]
 with the perfect sermon.  I'm going to give a sermon about
 horseback riding.'

 She said, 'Don't be silly.  You can't give a sermon about
 horseback riding.'

 He replied, 'Well, it's going to have to do because I've
 preached on just about every other subject I can think of.'

 The next morning as they were driving to church, she said,
 'I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this.  You
 know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback
 riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service.'

 He said, 'OK, then, suit yourself,' so she stayed in the car.

 Entering church, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and
 gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that had the
 congregation in awe.  As the congregation filed out of the
 church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car
 and approached her.  One of them said, 'Wow! You just missed
 the best sermon your husband has ever given.

 She said, 'Yeah, right!  What does he know about it?  He
 talks big, but he's only tried it twice in his life.  Once
 before we were married and once after, and he fell off both
 times!'

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Subj:     The Preacher's Son (S557b)
          From: AFine963 on 9/21/2007

 An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was
 getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing
 a profession.  Like many young men, the boy didn't really
 know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned
 about it.

 One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided
 to try an experiment.  He went into the boy's room and placed
 four objects on his study table: a Bible, a silver dollar, a
 bottle of whiskey and a Playboy magazine. "I'll just hide
 behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he
 comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object
 he picks up.  If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher
 like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up
 the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would
 be okay, too.  But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to
 be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
 And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be
 a skirt-chasin' bum."

 The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-
 steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his
 room.  The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned
 to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.  With
 curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

 Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
 He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
 He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired
 this month's Centerfold.

 "Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered,
 "he's gonna run for Congress!

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Subj:     Minister Parks Illegally (S543)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/9/2007

 A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large
 city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space
 with a meter.  Then he put a note under the windshield
 wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times.  If I
 don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.  Forgive us our
 trespasses."

 When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer
 along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years.
 If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job.  Lead us not
 into temptation."

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Subj:     Minister's First Funeral (S470b, S729)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/17/2006

 (Also see 'Bagpiper At A Pauper's Funeral' in Funeral-supp)

 As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to
 hold a grave side service for a derelict man who had died
 while traveling through the area with no family or friends.
 The funeral was held way back in the country.  This man
 would be the first to be laid to rest at this cemetery.  As
 I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost.
 Being the typical man I didn't stop for directions.  But I
 finally arrived an hour late, I saw the crew and backhoe,
 but the hearse was no where in sight.

 The workmen were eating lunch.

 I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, (who looked
 puzzled) I stepped to the side of the open grave, to find
 the vault lid already in place.  I assured the workers I
 would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to
 do.

 As the workers gathered around, still eating their lunch.
 I poured out my heart and soul.  As I preached the workers
 began to say "Amen,. Praise the Lord and Glory, (they must
 have been Baptist).  I preached, and I preached, like I'd
 never preached before.  I began from Genesis all the way
 to Revelation.  I preached for two hours and 45 minutes.
 It was a long and lengthy service. I closed in prayer and
 it was finished.

 As I was walking to my car, I felt that I had done my duty
 and would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedica-
 tion, in spite of my tardiness.

 As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I over-
 heard one of the workers saying to another.  I've been
 putting in septic tanks for 20 years, and I ain't never
 seen anything like this before.
 
 

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.........................From Smiley_Central
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