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Subj:     Religious2 Jokes
                 (Includes 64 jokes and articles, 06 1030,14,cf,wXT2a4,9)

Moses from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip II (S980)
.........................Dalai Lama - On Religion - PPS (S700b)
.........................Featherbrained Fellow (S620c)
.........................Prop 8: The Musical (S618b)
.........................Books Of The Bible - Puzzle (S448)
.........................Five Finger Prayer (S513b)
.........................Two Neighbors Argue About God  (S431)
.........................Calvinist And Hobbes - Political Comic Strip (S723)
.........................Books Of The Bible Riddle (S424)
.........................Opus Sunday Comic Strip On Religion (S602b)
.........................Old Store Owner Quotes Scriptures (S405)
.........................What's It Like Being A Christian? (S301b)
.........................10,000 Monks Praying For Peace - Photo (S922)
.........................The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (S542b)
.........................Ten More Commandments (S492b)
.........................Two Pickles Comic Strips (S754)
.........................Ten Commandments In Cajun (S319)
.........................Ten Commandments - Ebony Style (S291)
.........................Discussing Jonah & The Whale - Newspaper Article (S218d)
.........................Interesting Bible Quotes (S211)
.........................Three Agnostic Brothers (S200, S639c)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S1030)
.........................The Prayer (S135)
                         Short Religious Jokes
..............................Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S760)
..............................Four Religious Truths (S262, S659)
..............................The First Senior Moment - Drawing (S684)
..............................Religious King Riddle (S566b)
..............................Teaching The Lord's Prayer (S264c)
..............................Heavenly Mathematics
..............................Lot And His Wife (S207)
..............................A Flowchart of Religions - Drawing (S671b)
..............................How The Jews Left Egypt (S138)
..............................Gladly The Cross-Eyed Bear (S138)
..............................Who Was Jesus' Mother (S120)
..............................40th Heaven's Gate Body Found
..............................Shoe Comic Strip (S884)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S980)
          By Charles M. Schulz on 9/20/2015
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/2015/09/20
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Top
Subj:      Dalai Lama - On Religion - PPS (S700b)
           From: darrellvip on 6/9/2010
Photo from TopNews.in
 Source1: http://sharonsaw.typepad.com/blog/2010/05/a-conversation-
..........between-hh-the-dalai-lama-and-leonardo-boff.html
 Source2: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/dalai_lama/

 "We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot
  survive without human affection." Dalai Lama quote

 "This is my simple religion.  There is no need for temples;
  no need for complicated philosophy.  Our own brain, our own
  heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." Dalai Lama

 This PowerPoint Show is supposed to be a brief dialogue
 between the Brizilian theologist Leonardo Boff and the
 Dalai Lama.  While I believe the PPS is a fake, it's
 words of wisdom seen to be in keeping with the quotes
 of the Dalai Lama I have read.  Click 'HERE' to see
 this PPS.

Top
Subj:     Featherbrained Fellow (S620c)
         From: LABLaughsClean on 11/19/2008

 Feeling footloose and frisky, a featherbrained fellow forced
 his father to fork over his farthings. Fast he flew to
 foreign fields and frittered his family's fortune, feasting
 fabulously with floozies and faithless friends. Flooded with
 flattery he financed a full-fledged fling of "funny foam" and
 fast food.

 Fleeced by his fellows in folly, facing famine, and feeling
 faintly fuzzy, he found himself a feed-flinger in a filthy
 foreign farmyard. Feeling frail and fairly famished, he
 fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the
 fodder fragments.

 "Fooey," he figured, "my father's flunkies fare far fancier,"
 the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, facing the facts.

 Finally, frustrated from failure and filled with foreboding
 (but following his feelings) he fled from the filthy foreign
 farmyard.

 Faraway, the father focused on the fretful familiar form in
 the field and flew to him and fondly flung his forearms
 around the fatigued fugitive. Falling at his father's feet,
 the fugitive floundered forlornly, "Father, I have flunked
 and fruitlessly forfeited family favor."

 Finally, the faithful Father, forbidding and forestalling
 further flinching, frantically flagged the flunkies to fetch
 forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.

 Faithfully, the father's first-born was in a fertile field
 fixing fences while father and fugitive were feeling festive.
 The foreman felt fantastic as he flashed the fortunate news
 of a familiar family face that had forsaken fatal foolishness.
 Forty-four feet from the farmhouse the first-born found a
 farmhand fixing a fatling.

 Frowning and finding fault, he found father and fumed,
 "Floozies and foam from frittered family funds and you fix a
 feast following the fugitive's folderol?"

 The first-born's fury flashed, but fussing was futile. The
 frugal first-born felt it was fitting to feel "favored" for
 his faithfulness and fidelity to family, father, and farm.
 In foolhardy fashion, he faulted the father for failing to
 furnish a fatling and feast for his friends. His folly was
 not in feeling fit for feast and fatling for friends; rather
 his flaw was in his feeling about the fairness of the
 festival for the found fugitive.

 His fundamental fallacy was a fixation on favoritism, not
 forgiveness. Any focus on feeling "favored" will fester and
 friction will force the faded facade to fall. Frankly, the
 father felt the frigid first-born's frugality of forgiveness
 was formidable and frightful.

 But the father's former faithful fortitude and fearless
 forbearance to forgive both fugitive and first-born
 flourishes.

 The farsighted father figured, "Such fidelity is fine, but
 what forbids fervent festivity for the fugitive that is found?
 Unfurl the flags and finery, let fun and frolic freely flow.
 Former failure is forgotten, folly is forsaken. Forgiveness
 forms the foundation for future fortune."

 Four facets of the father's fathomless fondness for
 faltering fugitives are:
    1) Forgiveness,
    2) Forever faithful friendship,
    3) Fadeless love, and
    4) A facility for forgetting flaws.

 Story from Luke 15:11-32

Top
Subj:     Prop 8: The Musical (S618b,d)
          From: CKButch4Femme on 12/4/2008
...Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/B_hyT7_Bx9o
 Source2: http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/04
........../marc-shaiman-on-prop-8-the-musical/?hp

 New star-studded Web video protests Proposition 8
    By JAKE COYLE
    The Associated Press
    Thursday, December 4, 2008; 2:56 PM

 Since Proposition 8 passed in California, much of Hollywood
 has been up in arms.  Now, they are singing and dancing,
 too, in a new Web video called "Prop 8: The Musical."

 The video was posted Wednesday on FunnyOrDie.com, the video
 site co-founded by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay.  "Prop 8:
 The Musical" may be a 3-minute Internet video, but it has a
 blockbuster cast including Jack Black (who plays Jesus), Neil
 Patrick Harris, John C. Reilly, Andy Richter, Maya Rudolph,
 Margaret Cho, Rashida Jones and others.

 You can view the video by clicking 'HERE'.

 "Prop 8: The Musical" description is from WashingtonPost.com

Top
Subj:     Books Of The Bible - Puzzle (S448)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 8/22/2005

 There are names of 16 books of the Bible in the paragraph
 below.  See how many you can find!!!
 

 I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible,
 it was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts,and
 for others it was a revelation.  Somewhere in a jam,
 especially since the names of the books were not
 capitalized.  But the truth finally struck home to numbers
 of our readers.  To others it was a real job.  We want it
 to be a most fascinating few moments for you.  Yes, there
 will be some really easy ones to spot.  Others may require
 judges to help find them.  I will quickly admit it usually
 takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be
 loud lamentations when it is found.  A little lady says
 she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better.  See
 how well you can compete.  Relax now, for there really are
 sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph.

x
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Scroll down for the answer
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Here it comes
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 Books of the Bible - Answers

 There are names of 16 books of the Bible in the paragraph
 below.  Here are the answers!!!
 

 i once made a reMARH about the hidden books of the Bible,
 it was a luLU, KEpt people looKING So hard for fACTS,and
 for others it was a REVELATION.  somewhere in a JAM,
 ESpecially since the names of the books were not
 capitalized.  but the tRUTH finally struck home to NUMBERS
 of our readers.  to others it was a real JOB.  we want it
 to be A MOSt fascinating few moments for you.  yES, THERe
 will be some really easy ones to spot.  others may require
 JUDGES to help find them. i will quickly admiT IT USually
 takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be
 loud LAMENTATIONS when it is found.  a little lady says
 sHE BREWS a cup of tea so she can concentrate better.  see
 how well you can comPETE.  Relax now, for there really are
 sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph.

Top
Subj:     Five Finger Prayer (S513b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 11/15/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 You can read the five parts of the "Five Finger Prayer"
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Two Neighbors Argue About God (S431)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/2/2005

 My grandmother, who lived in Tucson, was well-known for her
 faith and lack of reticence in talking about it. She would
 go out on the front porch and say, "Praise the Lord!"

 Her next door neighbor would shout back, "There ain't no
 Lord!"

 During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the
 neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag
 of groceries and placing it at her door.

 The next morning, Grandmother went to the porch and,
 seeing the groceries, said, "Praise the Lord!"

 The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said,
 "I brought those groceries, and there ain't no Lord."

 Grandmother replied, "Lord, you not only sent me food
 but you made the devil pay for it."

Top
Subj:     Calvinist And Hobbes (S723)
          By Ward Sutton, From: Tea Party Comics
          in Funny Times on November 2010
 Source: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_
.........opinion/cartoons/092410_Tea_Party?pg=15

 Cartoonist Ward Sutton created an Internet sensation with
 the Boston Globe's publication of his Tea Party Comics, a
 satiric look at America's comic-page stalwarts, with a
 rightward spin.
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Top
Subj:     Books Of The Bible Riddle (S424)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 3/11/2005

 There are 16 books of the Bible in the following paragraph
 ...can you find them?

 I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It
 was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts and for
 others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam especially
 since the names of the books were not capitalized, but the
 truth finally struck home to
 numbers of readers. To others, it was a real job. We want it
 to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes there will
 be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges
 to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a
 minister to find one of them, and there will be loud
 lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews
 a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well
 you can compete. Relax now for there really are sixteen
 names of the books in the Bible in this story

x
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Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
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x

 I once made a re*mark* about the hidden books of the Bible.
 It was a lu*lu; ke*pt people loo*king s*o hard for f*acts*
 and for others it was a *revelation*. Some were in a *jam es*
 pecially since the names of the books were not capitalized,
 but the t*ruth* finally struck home to *numbers* of readers.
 To others, it was a real *job*. We want it to be *a mos*t
 fascinating few moments for you. Y*es ther*e will be some
 really easy ones to spot. Others may require *judges* to
 help them. I will quickly admi*t it us*ually takes a
 minister to find one of them, and there will be loud
 *lamentations* when it is found. A little lady says s*he
 brews* a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how
 well you can com*pete. R*elax now for there really are
 sixteen names of the books in the Bible in this story.

Top
Subj:     Opus Comics On Religion (S602b)
..........By Berkeley Breathed on Jun 17,2007
 Source: http://www.salon.com/comics/opus/2007/06/17/opus/

 (See 'Opus On God' in God-Supp)

 This Opus Sunday comic strip discusses religion, God and everything.
 You can view this wonderful comic strip by clicking 'HERE'.

 You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking
 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Old Store Owner Quotes Scriptures (S405)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/20/2004

 In taking a short-cut through the pine woods in Florida you
 may discover an old cracker general store in the boonies.

 The owner is an elderly church goin' man who lived by the
 scriptures.  The store always had two or three "older
 gents" that were always lazyin' round on the front porch
 steps talking about "politickin' an govmint" or how things
 used to be.

 The storeowner was in the habit of quoting Scripture every
 time he made a transaction, and it was always a different
 verse.  It got to where the old men on the porch came in
 every time a customer showed up just to hear and comment
 on what the verse was going to be.

 Well, one day, a Yankee tourist passing through, came in
 and inquired about the price of a Seminole rug that was
 hanging on the wall. and the storeowner told him $400. The
 owner and the old men all knew that it's true worth was
 about $200.

 But the Yankee thought it over and said, "I'll take it!",
 bought the rug and left the store.

 The local old men stared at the owner in anticipation of
 just what possible Scripture could follow such a shady
 transaction when the storeowner looked up and declared,

 "He was a stranger, and I took him in."

Top
Subj:     What's It Like Being A Christian? (S301b)
          From: flovilla on 11/2/2002

 It's like being a pumpkin.  God picks you out of the pumpkin
 patch, brings you in and washes all the dirt off of  you.
 Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.

 He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. and then He
 carves in your new smiley face and puts His light inside of
 you to shine for all to see.

Top
Subj:     10,000 Monks Praying For Peace (S922d)
          From: 20 MOST EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED PHOTOS EVER TAKEN
 Source: (Removed from johnkolesa.net)
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Top
Subj:     The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (S542b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/22/2007

 (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church
  in Gainesboro, TN.)

 (1) Just one God
 (2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
 (3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
 (4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
 (5) Put nothin' before God
 (6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
 (7) No killin'
 (8) Watch yer mouth
 (9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

 Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
 Y'all have a nice day.

Top
Subj:     Ten More Commandments (S492b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/23/2006

 The 11th - 20th Commandments

 11th
 Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most
 unproductive of all human activities.

 12th
 Thou shalt not be fearful, for most of the things we
 fear never come to pass.

 13th
 Thou shalt not cross bridges before you come to them,
 for no one has yet succeeded in accomplishing this.

 14th
 Thou shalt handle only one problem at a time, and
 leave the others to the Lord until their turn comes up.

 15th
 Thou shalt not take troubles to bed with you, for
 they make very poor bedfellows.

 16th
 Thou shalt not try to carry the problems of the
 world on your shoulders, for nobody (except
 for One) has a back that is broad enough.

 17th
 Thou shalt be a good listener, for God often
 speaks to us through the mouths of others.

 18th
 Thou shalt not try to relive yesterday; for good
 or ill, it is forever gone. Live in the now and
 rejoice in it.

 19th
 Thou shalt firmly dismiss feelings of frustration, for
 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will interfere with
 positive action.

 20th
 Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking the
 smallest, for our biggest blessings are composed of
 many small ones.
 

Top
Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip Answers Hard Questions (S754)
          By Brian Crane on 6/22/2011
..........At: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2011/06/22
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Top
Subj:     Ten Commandments In Cajun (S319)
          From: szalay on 3/4/2003

  1. God is Number One . . . and das' All.

  2. Don't pray to nuthin' or nobody . . . jus' God.

  3. Don't cuss nobody . . . 'specially da Good Lord.

  4. It's Sunday . . . pass yourself by God's House.

  5. Yo folks dun did it all - lissen to dem.

  6. Killin' duck an' fish, das' OK.  People . . . NO.

  7. God give you a wife . . . sleep wit' jus' her.

  8. Don't take nobody's boat . . . or nuttin' else.

  9. Don't go wantin' somebody's stuff.

 10. Stop lyin' . . . yo tongue gonna fall out!

Top
Subj:     Ten Commandments - Ebony Style (S291)
          From: gheckman on 8/28/2002

  1. I'm God. Don't play me.

     (I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any
     other gods before me)

  2. Don't be makin no hood ornaments and charms outta
     me, or like me

    (Thou shalt not have any graven images)

  3. Don't be callin' me for no reason

    (Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain)

  4. Y'all betta be in church on Sunday

    (Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)

  5. Don't dis or cuss out yo' momma....and if you know who
     ya daddy is, don't dis him either.

     (Honor thy father and mother)

  6. Don't be goin' on no drive by's

     (Thou shalt not kill)

  7. Stick to ya' own Boo

     (Thou shalt not commit adultery)

  8. Don't be borrowing stuff and not give it back.

     (Thou shalt not steal)

  9. Don't be snitchin on the other man to save yourself.

     (Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)

 10. Don't be eyein' your homie's crib, ride or woman.

     (Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother)

Top
Subj:     Discussing Jonah & The Whale (S218d, S906)
          From: JBCARY1 on 4/7/2001
      and From: George Takei on 12/5/2013
 Source: http://clashdaily.com/2014/05/never-argue-children-
.........little-girl-zinged-teacher-like-sardonic-ninja/
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Top
Subj:     Interesting Bible Quotes (S211)
          From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2001

 Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality. Recently, she
 said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
 abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned
 in any circumstance.  The following is an open letter to Dr.
 Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:

 This posting was also the basis of a scene in 2000 season of
 West Wing.

 Dear Dr. Laura,

 Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
 Law.  I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to
 share that knowledge with as many people as I can.  When some-
 one tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
 simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
 be an abomination. End of debate.  I do need some advice from
 you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to
 follow them.

 1 When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
 creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9).  The problem
 is my neighbours.  They claim the odour is not pleasing to
 them.  Should I smite them?

 2 I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
 in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would
 be a fair price for her?

 3 I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
 is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24).
 The problem is, how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most
 women take offence.

 4 Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both
 male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring
 nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,
 but not Canadians.  Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

 5 I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.
 Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I
 morally obligated to kill him myself?

 6 A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
 an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
 homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?

 7 Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
 if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear
 reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
 some room for negotiation here?

 8 Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
 the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
 forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

 9 I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
 makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
 gloves?

 10 My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
 different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
 garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
 blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it
 really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
 whole town together to stone them?  Lev.24:10-16).  Couldn't we
 just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
 with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

 I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am
 confident you can help.  Thank you again for reminding us that
 God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

 Portia Turbo Very Cross Dresser

Top
Subj:     Three Agnostic Brothers (S200, S639c)
          From: burningboy77 on 11/30/2000
      and From: LABLaughsClean on 3/12/2009

 An agnostic family moves into a heavily religious neighbor-
 hood.  The three sons are out playing catch in the court
 where they live, when they ask some of the other neighbor-
 hood kids to join them.  When they do this, the other
 children in the neighborhood run away.

 The oldest of the brothers chases after them and finally
 catches up to one of them.  "Why won't you play with my
 brothers and I?" he asks

 The other kid looked at him and said; "Because you aren't
 baptised.  We aren't allowed to play with non-baptised kids."
 and with that he ran off.

 The third brother ran back to his other brothers and relayed
 the predicament to them.  After discussing the matter for a
 while, they decided that the easiest thing to do would be to
 get baptised.  The three of them bolted through the town,
 towards the nearest church, just 10 blocks away.  However,
 when they got there, to their dismay, the only person at the
 church was the janitor.

 The brothers ran to him and told him that they needed to be
 baptised immediately so the other kids would play with them.
 "Follow me." said the janitor, and he led them to the bathroom
 behind the sanctuary.  One by one, he dunked their heads in
 the toilet bowl.

 After he was finished, he said to them that they had been
 baptised and to go run and play with the other kids.  The
 boys walked out front of the church, grinning from ear to
 ear.  On the way home, one of the brothers said "So, we've
 been baptised, but what division of Christianity are we?

 The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour
 the water on you." "We're not Babtis, because they dunk all
 of you in the water." "We're not Methdiss, because they just
 sprinkle water on you."

 The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?!"  They
 all joined in asking, "Yeah!  What do you think that means?"
 "I think it means we're Pisscopailians.

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S1030)
          By Dan Piraro on 10/6/2016
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/october-6-2016/
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Top
Subj:     The Prayer (S135)
          From: collins2 on 8/29/99

 When minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session
 of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual
 politically correct generalities, but what they heard
 instead was a stirring prayer, passionately calling our
 country to repentance and righteousness.  The response was
 immediate.  A number of legislators walked out during the
 prayer in protest.  In six short weeks, the Central
 Christian Church had logged more than 5,000 phone calls
 with only 47 of those calls responding negatively.  The
 church is now receiving international requests for copies
 of the prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

 Commentator PAUL HARVEY aired the prayer on The Rest of
 the Story on the radio and received a larger response to
 this program than any other he has ever aired!!

                            THE  PRAYER

 Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask Your
 forgiveness and to seek Your direction and guidance.  We
 know Your Word says, "Woe onto those who call evil good,"
 but that's exactly what we have done.  We have lost our
 spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

 We confess that:
 We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and
    called it pluralism.
 We have worshiped other gods and called it multiculturalism.
 We have endorsed perversion and called it an
    alternative lifestyle.
 We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
 We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation.
 We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
 We have killed our unborn children and called it a choice.
 We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
 We have neglected to discipline our children and
    called it building self-esteem.
 We have abused power and called it political savvy.
 We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and
    called it ambition.
 We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography
    and called it freedom of expression.
 We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers
    and Called it enlightenment.

 Search us, O God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from
 every sin And set us free.  Guide and bless these men and
 women who have been sent to direct us to the center of Your
 will.  I ask it in the name of Your Son the living Savior,
 Jesus Christ.    Amen.


Subj:     Short Religious Jokes

Top
Subj:     Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S760d)
          By Charles M. Schulz on 9/2/2012
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/2012/09/02
 Click 'HERE' to hear Lucy explain about sin and punishment.
 
 

Top
Subj:     Four Religious Truths (S262, S659)
          From: RFSlick on 2/4/2002
      and From: From: tom on 8/26/2009
 During these serious times, people of all faiths
 should remember these four religious truths:
 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the
    leader of the Christian faith.
 4. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
    liquor store or at Hooters.
 

Top
Subj:     The First Senior Moment (S684)
          From: darrellvip on 2/24/2010
......
Top
Subj:     Religious King Riddle (S566b)
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 11/21/2007
 Source: (Removed from apuzzlezone.com)
 Five hundred begins it, five hundred ends it,
 Five in the middle is seen;
 The first of all figures, the first of all letters,
 Take up their stations between.
 Join all together, and then you will bring
 Before you the name of an eminent king.

 The solution can be found by clicking 'HERE'.
 
 

Top
Subj:     Teaching The Lord's Prayer (S264c)
          From: mombear1 on 2/16/2002
 A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer.
 For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it
 after the mother.  Then one night the child was ready to
 solo.  The mother listened with pride to the carefully
 enunciated words, right up to the end: "And lead us not
 into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail"...
 

Top
Subj:     Heavenly Mathematics
          From: flovilla on 6/23/2001
 The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:

   1 cross
 + 3 nails
  ------------------
   4 given

 That's the whole gospel message simply stated
 

Top
Subj:     Lot And His Wife (S207)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/19/2001
 A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.  He
 read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and
 flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was
 turned to salt."  His son asked, "What happened to the
 flea?"
 

Top
Subj:     A Flowchart of Religions
          From: ginafm on 11/15/2009 (S671b)
.
 Click 'HERE' to learn which religion you should believe.
 

Top
Subj:     How The Jews Left Egypt (S138)
          From: KMacinty on 09/20/1999
 Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had
 learned in Sunday School.

 "Well, mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
 enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out
 of Egypt.  When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
 build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across
 safely.  He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters
 and call in an air strike.  They sent in bombers to blow up
 the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.

 "Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?"
 his mother asked.

 "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did,
 you'd never believe it!"
 

Top
Subj:     Gladly The Cross-Eyed Bear (S138)
          From: KMacinty on 09/20/1999
 A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother
 that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear
 named Gladly.

 It took his mother a while before she realized that the
 hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear,"
 

Top
Subj:     Who Was Jesus' Mother (S120)
          From: mbucher on 5/20/99
 A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
 becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.  Then one day
 she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was
 the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James
 Virgin?"
 

Top
Subj:     40th Heaven's Gate Body Found (S12)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-24
 Apparently one of the less astute members of the cult
 was found under the kitchen sink, behind the Comet.
 

Top
Subj:     Shoe Comic Strip (S884)
          By Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins on 12/4/2013
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/shoe/2013/12/04
.
.
.
 

 Some biblical scholars believe that Aramaic (the language
 of the ancient Bible) did not contain an easy way to say
 "many things" and used a term which has come down to us
 as 40.  This means that when the bible -- in many places
 -- refers to "40 days," they meant many days.

 Steve Young, the San Francisco 49ers quarterback, is the
 great-great-grandson of Mormon leader Brigham Young.

 Facts about Americans. Did you know that...
 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
 82% believe in an afterlife.
 45% believe in ghosts.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #70 on 98-03-20
 What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation
 for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the
 place for forty years before they finally got to the
 Promised Land?
    a. He was being tested.
    b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised
       Land when they finally got there.
    c. He refused to ask directions.

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/9
 How do you get to the Heavens Gate web site?  Hit delete
 39 times, then enter, space.

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 What does Do from Heaven's Gate got on the baseball team
 in heaven?  He has a position in the outfield but is feeling
 out of place.  He's got nothing to scratch.

From: Bobbyt's Place
 What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common?
 Their middle name.  --  XYTrapp

From: humorlist-digest V2 #222 on 98-09-20
 I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a
 whole more as they get older.  Then it dawned on me: They
 are cramming for their finals.

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
 Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #253 on 98-10-22 (S157)
 and From: RFSlick on 01/29/2000
 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

From: ossama on 99-01-27
 Born again pagan.

From: JCary on 01/17/2000 (S160)
 On going to war over religion:
 "You're basically killing each other to see
  who's got the better imaginary friend," - Rich Jeni

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/10/2002 (S259)
 Tombstone Epitaph In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
 Here lies an Atheist
 All dressed up
 And no place to go.

From: LABLaughs.com on 1/20/2002 (S260)
 "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our
  thoughts.  With our thoughts, we make our world."
    -- Siddhartha Guatama Buddha.

From: KMacinty on 8/24/99
 (On going to war over religion:) "You're basically killing
 each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."

From: LABLaughs.com on 2/19/2002 (S274c)
 "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that
  your strength lies."  -- Mother Teresa

From: LABLaughs.com on 7/16/2003 (S345b)
 Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes
 are truly endless."  -- Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997)
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/17/2002 (S274c)
 "When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced.
  Live your life so that when you die the world cries
  and you rejoice".

From: LABLaughs.com on 7/3/2002 (S283b)
 It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear
 -- that engendered religion.  -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

From: LABLaughs.com on 10/9/2002 (S297b)
 I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to
 be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many
 ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   -- Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925.

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

From: igiggle on 5/19/2003 (S329b)
 Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
   -- Bill Maher

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/14/2005 (S425b - political2)
 He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend,
 loses much more, He who loses faith, loses all.
   -- Eleanor Roosevelt

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/5/2007 (S519b)
 "People who want to share their religious views with you
  almost never want you to share yours with them."
    -- Dave Barry

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/7/2007 (S543b)
 I care not much for a man's religion whose
 dog and cat are not the better for it.
 

 Q: What kind of lighting did Noah have on the ark?
 A: Flood lights.

From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
 Q: Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
 A: Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

From: JBCARY1 on 8/22/2001 (S238)
 Q: How do you get holy water?
 A: You boil the hell out of it.

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.............................From Smiley_Central.
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