Subj: Religious2 Jokes
(Includes 60 jokes and articles, 03816,9,cf,md,7)
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Subj: Religious2 Jokes (Includes 60 jokes and articles, 03816,9,cf,md,7) |
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Subj:
Dalai Lama - On Religion (S700b)
From: darrellvip on 6/9/2010 Photo from TopNews.in |
"We can live without religion
and meditation, but we cannot
survive without human affection." 
Dalai
Lama quote
"This is my simple religion.
There is no need for temples;
no need for complicated philosophy.
Our own brain, our own
heart is our temple; the philosophy
is kindness." Dalai
Lama
This PowerPoint Show is supposed
to be a brief dialogue
between the Brizilian theologist
Leonardo Boff and the
Dalai Lama. While I believe
the PPS is a fake, it's
words of wisdom seen to be in
keeping with the quotes
of the Dalai Lama I have read.
Click on Source1, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to see this PPS.
\\\//
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Subj: Featherbrained
Fellow (S620c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/19/2008
Feeling footloose and frisky,
a featherbrained fellow forced
his father to fork over his
farthings. Fast he flew to
foreign fields and frittered
his family's fortune, feasting
fabulously with floozies and
faithless friends. Flooded with
flattery he financed a full-fledged
fling of "funny foam" and
fast food.
Fleeced by his fellows in folly,
facing famine, and feeling
faintly fuzzy, he found himself
a feed-flinger in a filthy
foreign farmyard. Feeling frail
and fairly famished, he
fain would have filled his frame
with foraged food from the
fodder fragments.
"Fooey," he figured, "my father's
flunkies fare far fancier,"
the frazzled fugitive fumed
feverishly, facing the facts.
Finally, frustrated from failure
and filled with foreboding
(but following his feelings)
he fled from the filthy foreign
farmyard.
Faraway, the father focused on
the fretful familiar form in
the field and flew to him and
fondly flung his forearms
around the fatigued fugitive.
Falling at his father's feet,
the fugitive floundered forlornly,
"Father, I have flunked
and fruitlessly forfeited family
favor."
Finally, the faithful Father,
forbidding and forestalling
further flinching, frantically
flagged the flunkies to fetch
forth the finest fatling and
fix a feast.
Faithfully, the father's first-born
was in a fertile field
fixing fences while father and
fugitive were feeling festive.
The foreman felt fantastic as
he flashed the fortunate news
of a familiar family face that
had forsaken fatal foolishness.
Forty-four feet from the farmhouse
the first-born found a
farmhand fixing a fatling.
Frowning and finding fault, he
found father and fumed,
"Floozies and foam from frittered
family funds and you fix a
feast following the fugitive's
folderol?"
The first-born's fury flashed,
but fussing was futile. The
frugal first-born felt it was
fitting to feel "favored" for
his faithfulness and fidelity
to family, father, and farm.
In foolhardy fashion, he faulted
the father for failing to
furnish a fatling and feast
for his friends. His folly was
not in feeling fit for feast
and fatling for friends; rather
his flaw was in his feeling
about the fairness of the
festival for the found fugitive.
His fundamental fallacy was a
fixation on favoritism, not
forgiveness. Any focus on feeling
"favored" will fester and
friction will force the faded
facade to fall. Frankly, the
father felt the frigid first-born's
frugality of forgiveness
was formidable and frightful.
But the father's former faithful
fortitude and fearless
forbearance to forgive both
fugitive and first-born
flourishes.
The farsighted father figured,
"Such fidelity is fine, but
what forbids fervent festivity
for the fugitive that is found?
Unfurl the flags and finery,
let fun and frolic freely flow.
Former failure is forgotten,
folly is forsaken. Forgiveness
forms the foundation for future
fortune."
Four facets of the father's fathomless
fondness for
faltering fugitives are:
1) Forgiveness,
2) Forever faithful
friendship,
3) Fadeless love,
and
4) A facility for
forgetting flaws.
Story from Luke 15:11-32
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| Subj:
Prop 8: The Musical (S618b,d)
From: CKButch4Femme on 12/4/2008 ...Photo
from YouTube.com...
|
 |
New star-studded Web video protests
Proposition 8
By JAKE COYLE
The Associated
Press
Thursday, December
4, 2008; 2:56 PM
Since Proposition 8 passed in
California, much of Hollywood
has been up in arms. Now,
they are singing and dancing,
too, in a new Web video called
"Prop 8: The Musical."
The video was posted Wednesday
on FunnyOrDie.com, the video
site co-founded by Will Ferrell
and Adam McKay. "Prop 8:
The Musical" may be a 3-minute
Internet video, but it has a
blockbuster cast including Jack
Black (who plays Jesus), Neil
Patrick Harris, John C. Reilly,
Andy Richter, Maya Rudolph,
Margaret Cho, Rashida Jones
and others.
You can view the video at either
source, or on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
"Prop 8: The Musical" description is from WashingtonPost.com
\\\//
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Subj: Books
Of The Bible - Puzzle (S448)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 8/22/2005
There are names of 16 books of
the Bible in the paragraph
below. See how many you
can find!!!
I once made a remark about the
hidden books of the Bible,
it was a lulu, kept people looking
so hard for facts,and
for others it was a revelation.
Somewhere in a jam,
especially since the names of
the books were not
capitalized. But the truth
finally struck home to numbers
of our readers. To others
it was a real job. We want it
to be a most fascinating few
moments for you. Yes, there
will be some really easy ones
to spot. Others may require
judges to help find them.
I will quickly admit it usually
takes a minister to find one
of them, and there will be
loud lamentations when it is
found. A little lady says
she brews a cup of tea so she
can concentrate better. See
how well you can compete.
Relax now, for there really are
sixteen names of books of the
Bible in this paragraph.
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
Books of the Bible - Answers
There are names of 16 books of
the Bible in the paragraph
below. Here are the answers!!!
i once made a reMARH about the
hidden books of the Bible,
it was a luLU, KEpt people looKING
So hard for fACTS,and
for others it was a REVELATION.
somewhere in a JAM,
ESpecially since the names of
the books were not
capitalized. but the tRUTH
finally struck home to NUMBERS
of our readers. to others
it was a real JOB. we want it
to be A MOSt fascinating few
moments for you. yES, THERe
will be some really easy ones
to spot. others may require
JUDGES to help find them.
i will quickly admiT IT USually
takes a minister to find one
of them, and there will be
loud LAMENTATIONS when it is
found. a little lady says
sHE BREWS a cup of tea so she
can concentrate better. see
how well you can comPETE.
Relax now, for there really are
sixteen names of books of the
Bible in this paragraph.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Five Finger Prayer (S513b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/15/2006 |
You can read the five parts of
the "Five Finger Prayer" in
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Neighbors Argue About God (S431)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/2/2005
My grandmother, who lived in
Tucson, was well-known for her
faith and lack of reticence
in talking about it. She would
go out on the front porch and
say, "Praise the Lord!"
Her next door neighbor would
shout back, "There ain’t no
Lord!"
During those days, my grandmother
was very poor, so the
neighbor decided to prove his
point by buying a large bag
of groceries and placing it
at her door.
The next morning, Grandmother
went to the porch and,
seeing the groceries, said,
"Praise the Lord!"
The neighbor stepped out from
behind a tree and said,
"I brought those groceries,
and there ain’t no Lord."
Grandmother replied, "Lord, you
not only sent me food
but you made the devil pay for
it."
\\\//
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Subj: Calvinist
And Hobbes (S723)
By Ward Sutton, From: Tea Party Comics
in Funny Times on November 2010
Source: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_
.........opinion/cartoons/092410_Tea_Party?pg=15
Cartoonist Ward Sutton created
an Internet sensation with
the Boston Globe's publication
of his Tea Party Comics, a
satiric look at America's comic-page
stalwarts, with a
rightward spin.
.
 |
There are 16 books of the Bible
in the following paragraph
...can you find them?
I once made a remark about the
hidden books of the Bible. It
was a lulu; kept people looking
so hard for facts and for
others it was a revelation.
Some were in a jam especially
since the names of the books
were not capitalized, but the
truth finally struck home to
numbers of readers. To others,
it was a real job. We want it
to be a most fascinating few
moments for you. Yes there will
be some really easy ones to
spot. Others may require judges
to help them. I will quickly
admit it usually takes a
minister to find one of them,
and there will be loud
lamentations when it is found.
A little lady says she brews
a cup of tea so she can concentrate
better. See how well
you can compete. Relax now for
there really are sixteen
names of the books in the Bible
in this story
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
I once made a re*mark* about
the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lu*lu; ke*pt people
loo*king s*o hard for f*acts*
and for others it was a *revelation*.
Some were in a *jam es*
pecially since the names of
the books were not capitalized,
but the t*ruth* finally struck
home to *numbers* of readers.
To others, it was a real *job*.
We want it to be *a mos*t
fascinating few moments for
you. Y*es ther*e will be some
really easy ones to spot. Others
may require *judges* to
help them. I will quickly admi*t
it us*ually takes a
minister to find one of them,
and there will be loud
*lamentations* when it is found.
A little lady says s*he
brews* a cup of tea so she can
concentrate better. See how
well you can com*pete. R*elax
now for there really are
sixteen names of the books in
the Bible in this story.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Opus Comics On Religion (S602b)
By Berkeley Breathed Jun 24, 2007 From: Salon.com on 7/17/2008 |
 |
This Opus comic strip discusses
religion, God and everything.
You can view this wonderful
comic strip at the above source,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
You can view other great Opus
Comic Strips by clicking
'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Old
Store Owner Quotes Scriptures (S405)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/20/2004
In taking a short-cut through
the pine woods in Florida you
may discover an old cracker
general store in the boonies.
The owner is an elderly church
goin' man who lived by the
scriptures. The store
always had two or three "older
gents" that were always lazyin'
round on the front porch
steps talking about "politickin'
an govmint" or how things
used to be.
The storeowner was in the habit
of quoting Scripture every
time he made a transaction,
and it was always a different
verse. It got to where
the old men on the porch came in
every time a customer showed
up just to hear and comment
on what the verse was going
to be.
Well, one day, a Yankee tourist
passing through, came in
and inquired about the price
of a Seminole rug that was
hanging on the wall. and the
storeowner told him $400. The
owner and the old men all knew
that it's true worth was
about $200.
But the Yankee thought it over
and said, "I'll take it!",
bought the rug and left the
store.
The local old men stared at the
owner in anticipation of
just what possible Scripture
could follow such a shady
transaction when the storeowner
looked up and declared,
"He was a stranger, and I took him in."
\\\//
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Subj: What's
It Like Being A Christian? (S301b)
From: flovilla on 11/2/2002
It's like being a pumpkin.
God picks you out of the pumpkin
patch, brings you in and washes
all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top and
scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt,
hate, greed, etc. and then He
carves in your new smiley face
and puts His light inside of
you to shine for all to see.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (S542b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/22/2007
(posted on the wall at Cross
Trails Church
in Gainesboro, TN.)
(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God
(6) No foolin' around with another
fellow's gal
(7) No killin'
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's
stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple,
don't ya think?
Y'all have a nice day.
\\\//
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Subj: Ten
More Commandments (S492b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/23/2006
The 11th – 20th Commandments
11th
Thou shalt not worry, for worry
is the most
unproductive of all human activities.
12th
Thou shalt not be fearful, for
most of the things we
fear never come to pass.
13th
Thou shalt not cross bridges
before you come to them,
for no one has yet succeeded
in accomplishing this.
14th
Thou shalt handle only one problem
at a time, and
leave the others to the Lord
until their turn comes up.
15th
Thou shalt not take troubles
to bed with you, for
they make very poor bedfellows.
16th
Thou shalt not try to carry
the problems of the
world on your shoulders, for
nobody (except
for One) has a back that is
broad enough.
17th
Thou shalt be a good listener,
for God often
speaks to us through the mouths
of others.
18th
Thou shalt not try to relive
yesterday; for good
or ill, it is forever gone.
Live in the now and
rejoice in it.
19th
Thou shalt firmly dismiss feelings
of frustration, for
90% of it is rooted in self-pity
and will interfere with
positive action.
20th
Thou shalt count thy blessings,
never overlooking the
smallest, for our biggest blessings
are composed of
many small ones.
\\\//
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Subj: Ten
Commandments In Cajun (S319)
From: szalay on 3/4/2003
1. God is Number One . . . and das' All.
2. Don't pray to nuthin' or nobody . . . jus' God.
3. Don't cuss nobody . . . 'specially da Good Lord.
4. It's Sunday . . . pass yourself by God's House.
5. Yo folks dun did it all - lissen to dem.
6. Killin' duck an' fish, das' OK. People . . . NO.
7. God give you a wife . . . sleep wit' jus' her.
8. Don't take nobody's boat . . . or nuttin' else.
9. Don't go wantin' somebody's stuff.
10. Stop lyin' . . . yo tongue gonna fall out!
\\\//
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Subj: Ten
Commandments - Ebony Style (S291)
From: gheckman on 8/28/2002
1. I'm God. Don't play me.
(I am the
Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any
other gods
before me)
2. Don't be makin no hood ornaments
and charms outta
me, or like
me
(Thou shalt not have any graven images)
3. Don't be callin' me for no reason
(Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain)
4. Y'all betta be in church on Sunday
(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)
5. Don't dis or cuss out yo'
momma....and if you know who
ya daddy
is, don't dis him either.
(Honor thy father and mother)
6. Don't be goin' on no drive by's
(Thou shalt not kill)
7. Stick to ya' own Boo
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)
8. Don't be borrowing stuff and not give it back.
(Thou shalt not steal)
9. Don't be snitchin on the other man to save yourself.
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)
10. Don't be eyein' your homie's crib, ride or woman.
(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother)
\\\//
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Subj: Interesting
Bible Quotes (S211)
From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2001
Laura Schlessinger is a US radio
personality. Recently, she
said that as an observant Orthodox
Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination according to Leviticus
18:22 and cannot be condoned
in any circumstance. The
following is an open letter to Dr.
Laura penned by a US resident,
which was posted on the Internet:
This posting was also the basis
of a scene in 2000 season of
West Wing.
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to
educate people regarding God's
Law. I have learned a
great deal from your show, and I try to
share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When some-
one tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I
simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to
be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from
you, however, regarding some
of the specific laws and how to
follow them.
1 When I burn a bull on the altar
as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odour for
the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem
is my neighbours. They
claim the odour is not pleasing to
them. Should I smite them?
2 I would like to sell my daughter
into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7. In this
day and age, what do you think would
be a fair price for her?
3 I know that I am allowed no
contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual
uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24).
The problem is, how do I tell?
I have tried asking, but most
women take offence.
4 Lev. 25:44 states that I may
indeed possess slaves, both
male and female, provided they
are purchased from neighbouring
nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans,
but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5 I have a neighbour who insists
on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he
should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him
myself?
6 A friend of mine feels that
even though eating shellfish is
an abomination (Lev. 11:10),
it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't
agree. Can you settle this?
7 Lev. 21:20 states that I may
not approach the altar of God
if I have a defect in my sight.
I have to admit that I wear
reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
some room for negotiation here?
8 Most of my male friends get
their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples,
even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev.19:27. How
should they die?
9 I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that
touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I
still play football if I wear
gloves?
10 My uncle has a farm. He violates
Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same
field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different
kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends
to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the
whole town together to stone
them? Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we
just burn them to death at a
private family affair like we do
with people who sleep with their
in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these
things extensively, so I am
confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that
God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
Portia Turbo Very Cross Dresser
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Agnostic Brothers (S200, S639c)
From: burningboy77 on 11/30/2000
and
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/12/2009
An agnostic family moves into
a heavily religious neighbor-
hood. The three sons are
out playing catch in the court
where they live, when they ask
some of the other neighbor-
hood kids to join them.
When they do this, the other
children in the neighborhood
run away.
The oldest of the brothers chases
after them and finally
catches up to one of them.
"Why won't you play with my
brothers and I?" he asks
The other kid looked at him and
said; "Because you aren't
baptised. We aren't allowed
to play with non-baptised kids."
and with that he ran off.
The third brother ran back to
his other brothers and relayed
the predicament to them.
After discussing the matter for a
while, they decided that the
easiest thing to do would be to
get baptised. The three
of them bolted through the town,
towards the nearest church,
just 10 blocks away. However,
when they got there, to their
dismay, the only person at the
church was the janitor.
The brothers ran to him and told
him that they needed to be
baptised immediately so the
other kids would play with them.
"Follow me." said the janitor,
and he led them to the bathroom
behind the sanctuary.
One by one, he dunked their heads in
the toilet bowl.
After he was finished, he said
to them that they had been
baptised and to go run and play
with the other kids. The
boys walked out front of the
church, grinning from ear to
ear. On the way home,
one of the brothers said "So, we've
been baptised, but what division
of Christianity are we?
The oldest one said, "We're not
Kathlick, because they pour
the water on you." "We're not
Babtis, because they dunk all
of you in the water." "We're
not Methdiss, because they just
sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't
you smell that water?!" They
all joined in asking, "Yeah!
What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisscopailians.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Prayer (S135)
From: collins2 on 8/29/99
When minister Joe Wright was
asked to open the new session
of the Kansas Senate, everyone
was expecting the usual
politically correct generalities,
but what they heard
instead was a stirring prayer,
passionately calling our
country to repentance and righteousness.
The response was
immediate. A number of
legislators walked out during the
prayer in protest. In
six short weeks, the Central
Christian Church had logged
more than 5,000 phone calls
with only 47 of those calls
responding negatively. The
church is now receiving international
requests for copies
of the prayer from India, Africa
and Korea.
Commentator PAUL HARVEY aired
the prayer on The Rest of
the Story on the radio and received
a larger response to
this program than any other
he has ever aired!!
THE PRAYER
Heavenly Father, we come before
you today to ask Your
forgiveness and to seek Your
direction and guidance. We
know Your Word says, "Woe onto
those who call evil good,"
but that's exactly what we have
done. We have lost our
spiritual equilibrium and reversed
our values.
We confess that:
We have ridiculed the absolute
truth of Your Word and
called it pluralism.
We have worshiped other gods
and called it multiculturalism.
We have endorsed perversion
and called it an
alternative lifestyle.
We have exploited the poor and
called it the lottery.
We have neglected the needy
and called it self-preservation.
We have rewarded laziness and
called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn children
and called it a choice.
We have shot abortionists and
called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline
our children and
called it building
self-esteem.
We have abused power and called
it political savvy.
We have coveted our neighbor's
possessions and
called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with
profanity and pornography
and called it freedom
of expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored
values of our forefathers
and Called it enlightenment.
Search us, O God, and know our
hearts today; cleanse us from
every sin And set us free.
Guide and bless these men and
women who have been sent to
direct us to the center of Your
will. I ask it in the
name of Your Son the living Savior,
Jesus Christ.
Amen.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Religious Jokes
| Subj:
Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S760d)
By Charles M. Schulz From: News.Yahoo.com on 9/2/2012 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Pickles Comic Strip (S754)
By Brian Crane From: WashingtonPost.com on 6/22/2011 |
Top
Subj: Four
Religious Truths (S262, S659)
From: RFSlick on 2/4/2002
and
From: From: tom on 8/26/2009
During these serious times,
people of all faiths
should remember these four religious
truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize
Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus
as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize
the Pope as the
leader of the Christian
faith.
4. Baptists do not recognize
each other in the
liquor store or
at Hooters.
Top
Subj: The
First Senior Moment (S684)
From: darrellvip on 2/24/2010
 |
The solution can be found on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
| Subj:
A Flowchart of Religions
From: ginafm on 11/15/2009 (S671b) |
 |
Top
Subj: Religious
King Riddle (S566b)
From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 11/21/2007
Source: http://www.apuzzlezone.com/adailypuzzle/11-21-07.html
Five hundred begins it, five
hundred ends it,
Five in the middle is seen;
The first of all figures, the
first of all letters,
Take up their stations between.
Join all together, and then
you will bring
Before you the name of an eminent
king.
The solution can be found on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Teaching
The Lord's Prayer (S264c)
From: mombear1 on 2/16/2002
A mother was teaching her three-year-old
The Lord's Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime,
the child repeated it
after the mother. Then
one night the child was ready to
solo. The mother listened
with pride to the carefully
enunciated words, right up to
the end: "And lead us not
into temptation, but deliver
us some e-mail"...
Top
Subj: Heavenly
Mathematics
From: flovilla on 6/23/2001
The best mathematical equation
I have ever seen:
1 cross
+ 3 nails
------------------
4 given
That's the whole gospel message
simply stated
Top
Subj: Discussing
Jonah & The Whale (S218, S476b)
From: JBCARY1 on 4/7/2001
and
From: hellgunner50 on 2/26/2006
Johnny was talking to her teacher
about whales. The
teacher said it was physically
impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even
though they were a very large
mammal their throat was very
small. Little Johnny stated
that Jonah was swallowed by
a whale. The teacher reitterated
that a whale could not swallow
a human; it was impossible.
Johnny said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah"
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
Johnny replied, "Then you ask
him."
Top
Subj: Lot
And His Wife (S207)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/19/2001
A father was reading Bible stories
to his young son. He
read, "The man named Lot was
warned to take his wife and
flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was
turned to salt." His son
asked, "What happened to the
flea?"
Top
Subj: How
The Jews Left Egypt (S138)
From: KMacinty on 09/20/1999
Nine-year-old Joey was asked
by his mother what he had
learned in Sunday School.
"Well, mom, our teacher told
us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission
to lead the Israelites out
of Egypt. When he got
to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge, and
all the people walked across
safely. He used his walkie-talkie
to radio headquarters
and call in an air strike.
They sent in bombers to blow up
the bridge and all the Israelites
were saved.
"Now, Joey, is that REALLY what
your teacher taught you?"
his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom, but if I told
it the way the teacher did,
you'd never believe it!"
Top
Subj: Gladly
The Cross-Eyed Bear (S138)
From: KMacinty on 09/20/1999
A child came home from Sunday
School and told his mother
that he had learned a new song
about a cross-eyed bear
named Gladly.
It took his mother a while before
she realized that the
hymn was really "Gladly The
Cross I'd Bear,"
Top
Subj: Who
Was Jesus' Mother (S120)
From: mbucher on 5/20/99
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage
of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable
about the Bible. Then one day
she floored her grandmother
by asking, "Which Virgin was
the mother of Jesus: the Virgin
Mary or the King James
Virgin?"
Top
Subj: 40th
Heaven's Gate Body Found (S12)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-24
Apparently one of the less astute
members of the cult
was found under the kitchen
sink, behind the Comet.
Some biblical scholars believe
that Aramaic (the language
of the ancient Bible) did not
contain an easy way to say
"many things" and used a term
which has come down to us
as 40. This means that
when the bible -- in many places
-- refers to "40 days," they
meant many days.
Steve Young, the San Francisco
49ers quarterback, is the
great-great-grandson of Mormon
leader Brigham Young.
Facts about Americans. Did you
know that...
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #70 on 98-03-20
What, in your opinion, is the
most reasonable explanation
for the fact that Moses led
the Israelites all over the
place for forty years before
they finally got to the
Promised Land?
a. He was being
tested.
b. He wanted them
to really appreciate the Promised
Land when they finally got there.
c. He refused to
ask directions.
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/9
How do you get to the Heavens
Gate web site? Hit delete
39 times, then enter, space.
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
What does Do from Heaven's Gate
got on the baseball team
in heaven? He has a position
in the outfield but is feeling
out of place. He's got
nothing to scratch.
From: Bobbyt's Place
What do John the Baptist &
Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Their middle name. --
XYTrapp
From: humorlist-digest V2 #222 on 98-09-20
I was thinking about how people
seem to read the Bible a
whole more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me: They
are cramming for their finals.
From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
668: The Neighbor of the Beast
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers
of religion.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #253 on 98-10-22
(S157)
and From: RFSlick on 01/29/2000
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
From: ossama on 99-01-27
Born again pagan.
From: JCary on 01/17/2000 (S160)
On going to war over religion:
"You're basically killing each
other to see
who's got the better imaginary
friend," - Rich Jeni
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/10/2002
(S259)
Tombstone Epitaph In a Thurmont,
Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/20/2002 (S260)
"We are what we think. All that
we are arises with our
thoughts. With our thoughts,
we make our world."
-- Siddhartha Guatama
Buddha.
From: KMacinty on 8/24/99
(On going to war over religion:)
"You're basically killing
each other to see who's got
the better imaginary friend."
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/19/2002 (S274c)
"Be faithful in small things
because it is in them that
your strength lies."
-- Mother Teresa
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/16/2003 (S345b)
Kind words can be short and
easy to speak, but their echoes
are truly endless." --
Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/17/2002
(S274c)
"When you were born you cried
and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when
you die the world cries
and you rejoice".
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/3/2002 (S283b)
It was the experience of mystery
-- even if mixed with fear
-- that engendered religion.
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/9/2002 (S297b)
I do not consider it an insult,
but rather a compliment to
be called an agnostic. I do
not pretend to know where many
ignorant men are sure -- that
is all that agnosticism means.
-- Clarence Darrow, Scopes
trial, 1925.
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
If you don't pay your exorcist
you get repossessed.
From: igiggle on 5/19/2003 (S329b)
Everything that used to be a
sin is now a disease.
-- Bill Maher
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/14/2005
(S425b - political2)
He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend,
loses much more, He who loses
faith, loses all.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/5/2007
(S519b)
"People who want to share their
religious views with you
almost never want you to share
yours with them."
-- Dave Barry
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/7/2007
(S543b)
I care not much for a man's
religion whose
dog and cat are not the better
for it.
Q: What kind of lighting did
Noah have on the ark?
A: Flood lights.
From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
Q: Why did Moses wander the
desert for 40 years?
A: Because even back then men
wouldn't ask for directions.
From: JBCARY1 on 8/22/2001 (S238)
Q: How do you get holy water?
A: You boil the hell out of
it.
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............................
.Smiley
prays from Smiley_Central.
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