Subj:     Condom Jokes
                 (Includes 60 jokes and articles, 27915,18,no ads,md4wT,14)

Condom Man
Bulldog Sexy Animated Gifs
Includes the following:  Durex Condom Commercial (S633)
.........................Young Man's First Time (S419b, S700)
.........................Bowl With A Condom Floating In It (S86, S738)
.........................French Condom Ad - Video (S727)
.........................A boy And His Father See Condoms In A Store (S118, S353b)
.........................Ellen In A Trojan Commercial? (S898)
.........................Young Man Buys Some Condoms (S13, S635)
.........................Young Man Buys Some Condoms - Ver. 2 (S399b)
.........................Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II - Video (S705b)
.........................Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister (S499b, S639)
.........................Italian Chewing Gum - Video (S460)
.........................Standing In Line At The Drug Store (S537b)
.........................Condom Factory Tour (S507c)
.........................Condom Commercial - Video (S562)
.........................US Sends Russia Condoms (S27, S463)
.........................Glow In The Dark Condom Commerical (S598)
.........................Three Guys In Line Buy Condoms (S125b, S500)
.........................Trojan Ad (S764)
.........................Widow's First Time (S244, S473c)
.........................Nipples And Condoms (S80)
.........................How Far Will A Condom Stretch? - Video (S667b)
.........................Truck Driver Picks Up Two Hitchhickers
.........................Which Condom Would You Use? (S54)
.........................Vermont's Magic Hat Brewery Bottle Cap Slogans (S877)
.........................New Condom Brands
.........................Slogans To Promote National Condom Week... (S117)
.........................Four Seasons Condoms Commercial (S885)
.........................Two Old Ladies And A Condom (S125, S558b)
                         Short Condom Jokes
..............................Cowboy Goes Shopping (S781)
..............................Little Johnny And Dad's Condom (S280)
..............................I Will Not Be Your Father Condom (S770)
..............................Buying A Condom From A Young Woman
..............................R2D2 Condom - Want To Plug? (S915)
..............................United States Government Seal (S492b)
..............................Census Takers Issued Condoms (S245b)
..............................The Ring - Photo (S887)
..............................The Best Commercial Ever - Video (S474b)
..............................Woman Askes About Condoms At Drugstore (S125)
..............................How To Use A Condom After 50 (S462b)
..............................Buying A Condom From A Young Woman (Ver. 2)

Also see BAR1 file    - 'Angry Man Comes Into Bar'
         BIRDS-DUCKS  - 'A Duck Walks Into A Drugstore 1st Vers.'
......................- 'Two Ducks At A Restaurant'
         CANADIAN file- 'Canadian And American Discuss Breakfast'
         CARTOON file - 'Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse'
         COWBOY file  - 'New York Sorority Girl Visits Texas'
         DENTIST file - 'How To Make Surgical Gloves'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating'
         FACTS5 file  - 'African's Thoughts on Condoms And Aids'
         FRENCH file  - 'French And American Meet At Breakfast'
         IRISH1 file  - 'Irish, English, And Scotsman Discussing Their Wives'
         JOBS file    - 'Job Candidate Has A Facial Tick'
         MANNERS file - 'Dear Abby - Wedding Preparations'
         POLITICAL2   - 'New Republican Emblem'
.........PREACHER file- 'The Preacher's Wife Was Pregnant'
         SEX3 file    - 'Trojan Games'
         SPERM file   - 'News - Hormones in Semen'
         TRACK file   - 'Wife's Lover Runs Nude In Race'
......................- 'Olympic Condoms'
         WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Retiree Goes On Honeymoon w/Showgirl'

Subj:     Durex Condom Commercial (S633d)
          From: rfslick on 2/21/2009.
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/Iltwp7qT18A
 This condom commercial is very cute, and very funny.
 Click 'HERE' to see these balloon animal animation.

Subj:     Young Man's First Time (S419b, S700)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/01/2005
      and From: Tom on 6/12/2010

 I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went
 in to buy a package of condoms.  There was a beautiful woman
 behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

 She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear
 one. I honestly answered, "No."

 So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over
 her thumb.

 She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I
 apparently still looked confused.  So she looked all around
 the store.  It was empty.  She said, "Just a minute."  And
 walked to the door, and locked it.

 Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned
 her blouse and removed it.  She unhooked her bra and laid it
 aside.  She asked, "Do these excite you?" Well, I was so
 dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.

 She then said, it was time to slip the condom on.  As I was
 slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties
 and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We
 don't have much time."

 So I climbed on her.  It was so wonderful, that unfortunately,
 I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few

 She looked at me with a frown.  "Did you put that condom on?"

 I said, "I sure did."

 And held up my thumb to show her.

Subj:     French Condom Ad (S727d)
          From: darrellvip on 12/20/2010
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/QfBmjIeAZmM

 Only the French could get away with a condom adver-
 tisement like this.  A lonely bathroom graffiti
 penis has a much better time once he's wrapped up.
 Click 'HERE' to see this very cute, animated condom ad.

Subj:     A boy And His Father See Condoms In A Store (S118, S353b)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #168
      and From: LABLaughs.com on 11/3/2003

 A father and his son go into the grocery store where they happen
 upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so
 many different boxes of condoms.

 The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when
 you're in high school.  You have 2 for Friday night and one for
 Saturday night."

 The son then asks his father, "Well what's the 6 pack for?"

 The father replies, "Well that's for when you're in college. You
 have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday

 Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father
 replies, "Well that's for when you're married. You have one for
 January, one for February, one for March......"

Subj:     Ellen In A Trojan Commercial? (S898d)
          Posted by TheEllenShow
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4qzVjAR3nDY

 A viewer spotted something interesting in this Trojan
 commercial... that you would never expect!

 Click 'HERE' to see this condom ad with Ellen.

Subj:     Young Man Buys Some Condoms (S13, S635)
         From: SSHutch on Friday, April 04, 1997
      and From: tom on 3/4/2009

 A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and
 have dinner with her parents.  Since this is such a big
 event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after
 dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the
 first time.  Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never
 had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
 get some condoms.  The pharmacist helps the boy for about
 an hour.  He tells the boy everything there is to know
 about condoms and sex.  At the register, the pharmacist
 asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack,
 10-pack or family pack.  The boy insists on the family
 pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being
 his first time and all.

 That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house
 and meets his girlfriend at the door.  "Oh I'm so excited
 for you to meet my parents, come on in!"  The boy goes
 inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
 parents are seated.  The boy quickly offers to say grace
 and bows his head.  A minute passes, and the boy is still
 deep in prayer, with his head down.  5 minutes  pass, and
 still no movement from the boy.

 Finally, after 10 minutes with his head down, the girl-
 friend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
 "I had no idea you were this religious."

 The boy turns, and  whispers back, I had no idea your
 father was a pharmacist."

Subj:     Young Man Buys Some Condoms - Ver. 2 (S399b)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #239 on 98-04-11
      and From: JokesUncut on 9/10/2004

 A man walked into the drugstore and shyly asked the pretty
 girl working there if he could buy some condoms. Seeing his
 discomfort, the girl decided to have some fun.

 She asked what size he needed.  He said he didn't really know.
 So the girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were
 three holes in the fence outside that they used for sizing
 tests.  He should go outside and put his tool to the test.

 When he went outside, the girl snuck around the fence, when he
 put his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave
 him a handjob.

 When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave him oral sex.

 When he put his tool in the third hole, she had her pants down
 and she took him inside herself.

 When he was finished, the girl ran around the front.  He walked
 up and she asked, "So, what size do you need?"

 He answered, "I've decided not to buy any condoms; but I do
 want 8 feet of that fence!"

Subj:     Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II
          From: Jessibel Punzalan Gonzales
          on Facebook on 7/20/2010 (S705b,d) 
 Source1: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80992996/
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/embed/Mf_oAjqBRe4

 (Also see 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister' below)

 This one minute Trojan commercial is very cute.  Click
 'HERE' to see the video.

Subj:     Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister (S499b, S639)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/8/2006 and 3/10/2009

 (Also see 'Being Propositioned By Your Fiancee's Sister II' above)

 I was a very happy person. My girlfriend and I had been dating
 for over a year, and we decided to get married.  There was only
 one little thing bothering me... it was her beautiful younger
 sister.  She was twenty-two, tight miniskirts, generally bra-
 less.  She would bend down when near me, and I always got
 more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near
 anyone else.

 One day "little" sister phoned and asked me to come over.  She
 was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
 wanted to make love to me just once before I committed my life
 to her sister.  I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
 She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want
 one last wild fling, just come up and get me."  When she
 reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
 the stairs.

 I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
 straight to the front door.  I opened the door, and headed
 straight towards  my car.  Lo and behold, my entire future
 family was standing outside, all  clapping!  With tears in
 his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very
 happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't
 ask for better man for our daughter.  Welcome to the family!!!"

 And the moral of this story is: . . . . . . . .

 Always keep your condoms in your car!

Subj:     Italian Chewing Gum (S460d)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/14/2005
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/eUMagzFMq38

 This is a cute, dirty Italian ad for Skin Less Skin Condoms.
 Click 'HERE' to see this new use for condoms.

Subj:     Standing In Line At The Drug Store (S537b)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/4/2007

 True story.

 I work at a company whose logo is the Spartan man head...
 when my daughter was 8 she went to a doctor's appointment
 and needed a prescription filled.  We went to the local
 CVS drug store and went to the pharmacy counter.  They
 were quite busy.  While standing in line my 8 yr old was
 directly in front of the waist to floor rack of condoms.
 She saw the Trojan brand with the same Spartan guy head
 and yelled, "Hey mom don't you need these for work?"

 Needless to say I turned a shade of red there is no color
 name for.

Subj:     Condom Factory Tour (S507c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/5/2006

 A guy is on a tour of a factory that produces latex products.
 At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures
 baby-bottle nipples.  The machine makes a loud hiss-pop
 noise.  "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the
 mould," explains the guide.  "The popping sound is a needle
 poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

 Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where
 condoms are manufactured.  The machine makes a noise: 'Hiss.
 Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!'

 "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand
 what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop!' every so

 "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,"
 says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

 "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

 "True, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

Subj:     Condom Commercial (S562d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/1/2007
..........At: https://www.youtube.com/embed/BAUSTZp0rms

 Why don't they have commercials like this in the USA?
 You can view this banned Durex "feelings" ad with
 Dominic Cooper by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     US Sends Russia Condoms (S27, S463)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-21
      and From: DoctorDebt on 12/1/2005

 George Bush received a call from Russian President Putin.
 He says to Bush, "Our largest condom factory has exploded.
 They are my people's favorite form of birth control. This
 is a true disaster!"

 "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything
 within their power to help you," replied President Bush.

 "I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you send 1,000,000
 condoms ASAP to hold us over?"

 "Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush.

 "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

 "Yes?" said Bush.

 "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and
 2" in diameter?" said Putin.

 "No problem," replied the President.

 Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about
 how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

 George Bush hung up and called the CEO of the Trogan Company
 "I need a favor.  Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away
 over to Russia?"

 "Consider it done," replied the CEO of Trogen.

 "Good! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and
 2" in diameter."

 "Easily done. Anything else?"

 "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE
 MEDIUM' on each one."

Subj:     Glow In The Dark Condom Commercial
          From: funmansion.com on 7/1/2008 (S598d)
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/m2A_cV2oMhs

 You can view this cute Four Seasons Condom commercial
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Three Guys In Line Buy Condoms (S125b, S500)
          From: WSelwa on 6/18/99
      and From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006

 This man was in a long line at the grocery store.  As  he got
 to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms.
 So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms
 brought up to the register.  She asked, "What size condoms?"

 The customer replied that he didn't know.  She asked him to
 drop his pants.  He did, she reached over the counter,
 grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and
 said, "One box of large condoms to register 5."

 The next man in line thought this was interesting and, like
 MOST MEN, up for a cheap thrill.  When he got to the register,
 he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms,
 and asked if she would have some brought up to the register.
 She asked him what size and he stated that he didn't know.
 She asked him to drop his pants.  He did, she gave him a quick
 feel, picked up the store intercom and said, "One box of
 medium-sized condoms to register 5."

 A few customers back was this teenage boy.  He thought what
 he had witnessed was way too cool.  He had never had any type
 of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was
 his chance.  When he got up to the register, he told the
 checker he needed some condoms.  She asked him what size, and
 he said he didn't know.  She asked him to drop his pants and
 he did.  She reached over the counter, gave him one quick
 squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said, "Clean up at
 register 5!"

Subj:     Bowl With A Condom Floating In It (S86, S738)
          From: JOELFALLON on 98-09-20
      and From: jcary on 3/1/2011

 Ms. Bee, the church organist, was in her eighties and had
 never been married.  She was much admired for her sweetness
 and kindness to all.  The pastor came to call on her one
 afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her
 Victorian parlor.  She invited him to have a seat while she
 prepared a little tea.  As he sat facing her old pump organ,
 the minister noticed a cut glass bowl setting on top of it,
 filled with water.  In the water floated, of all things, a

 Imagine his shock and surprise.  Imagine his curiosity;
 surely Miss Bea had flipped!  He certainly couldn't mention
 the strange sight in her parlor.  When she returned with
 tea and cookies they began to chat.  The pastor tried to
 stifle his curiosity about the bowl and its strange floater,
 but soon it got the best of him, and he could resist no
 longer.  "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell
 me about this." Pointing to the bowl.

 "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful!  I was walking
 down town last fall and I found this little package.  It
 said to put it on your organ and keep it wet, and it would
 prevent disease.  You know, I think it is working, I haven't
 had a cold all winter!

Subj:     Trojan Ad (S764d)
          From: darrellvip on 9/5/2011
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWZMTyGQAQk
 Source2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vE-6VgHWH9w

 Click 'HERE' to see this two year old, forty-four second
 commercial.  It's shocking, and very funny.

Subj:     Widow's First Time (S244, S473c)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #195 on 98-08-23
      and From: darrell94590 on 2/7/2006

 Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has
 not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were
 only yesterday.  Her daughter constantly is calling her
 and urging her to get back into the world.

 Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
 Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone
 for you to meet."  Well, it was an immediate hit.  They
 took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks
 her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.  And we
 know what that meant.

 One room and the normal follow up to that.  Their first
 night there she undresses as he does.  There she stood
 nude except for a pair of black lacy panties.  He in his
 birthday suit.  Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"

 She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours
 to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."  He
 knows he's not getting lucky that night.  The following
 night the same scenario.  She standing there with the
 black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that
 he has an erection on which he has a black condom.

 She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black

 He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

Subj:     Nipples And Condoms (S80)
          From: RFSlick on 98-08-03

 A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various
 latex products.  At the first stop, he is shown the machine
 that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.  The machine makes a
 loud "hiss-pop" noise.  "The hiss is the rubber being injected
 into the mold," explains the guide.  "The popping sound is the
 needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

 Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms
 are manufactured.  The machine makes a "Hiss.  Hiss.  Hiss.
 Hiss-pop" noise.  "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the
 tour.  "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's
 that 'pop' every so often?"

 "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,"
 says the guide.  It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

 "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

 "Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

Subj:     How Far Will A Condom Stretch? (S667b,d) 
          From: ft.apache on 10/14/2009
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/2P1cyahlxqs

 Click 'HERE' to be amazed by this guy stretching a condom.

Subj:     Truck Driver Picks Up Two Hitchhickers
          From: RFSlick on 98-04-30

 A truck driver was driving along when he notices this female
 hitch-hicker so he slams on the brakes and picks her up.
 They go through the pleasantries of meeting one another and
 then the truck driver asks if she would give up a little
 something for the ride.  She says, "Okay, but what are we
 going to name the baby?" This scares the trucker so he
 lets her off and goes on his way.

 A few days later he sees another female hitchhicker and picks
 her up also.  He gets to know her and again he asks if she
 would give up a little something for the ride.  She says,
 "Okay, but what are we going to name the baby?"  He thinks
 for a little while and then says, "Will think of something
 when we are done."

 They have sex a couple of times and then sit back to enjoy
 a cigarette when the girl asks, "So what are we going to
 name the baby?"  He says, "Oh! Thanks for reminding me!"
 He reaches down and removes a condom, ties a knot in it,
 and throws it out of the window.  He looks over at her and
 says, " If it gets out of that we'll name it Houdini!"

Subj:     Which Condom Would You Use? (S54)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98

 Nike Condoms: Just do it.
 Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
 Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
 Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
 Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
 Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong
    and growing.
 Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced
    for a woman.
 Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less,
    it's that simple.
 Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
 Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
 Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it?  Don't you
    wish everybody did?
 New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.
 Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
 EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going ...
 KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
 Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
 Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
 Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?
 Sun MicroCondoms: The Network is the Condom
 Oracle Condoms: Not just databases anymore.
 Netscape Condoms: Introducing the new SuiteSpot Silicondom
 Graphics Inc.: The leader in 3D Condoms
 Intel CPUs (Condom Processing Units): Intel Inside
 AT?T Condoms: Reach out and TOUCH someone.

Subj:.....Vermont's Magic Hat Brewery
.............Bottle Cap Slogans (S877d in Bottlecaps)
........Left Cap from PupCaps.com and Right Cap from WakeUpBro.com
...Vermont's Magic Hat Brewery takes the wit and wisdom
...of their patrons and puts it on the inside of their
...beer caps. This one is my favorite.  You can read
...more of their sayings by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj:     New Condom Brands
          From: LABLaughs.com on 6/22/2003

 Nike condoms - Just do it.
 Toyota condoms - Oh what a feeling.
 Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop.
 KFC condoms - Finger-lickin' good.
 J Ford condoms - The best never rest.
 Bounty condoms - The quicker picker-upper.
 Energizer condoms -It keeps going and going and going.
 M ? Ms condoms -It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
 Star Trek condoms - To boldly go where no man has gone before.

 Why are condoms like cameras? - they both capture the moment.

Subj:     Slogans To Promote National Condom Week... (S117)
          From: RFSlick on 4/30/99

  1.  Cover your stump before you hump
  2.  Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
  3.  Don't be silly.  Protect your willy
  4.  When in doubt, shroud your spout
  5.  Don't be a loner, cover your boner
  6.  You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
  7.  If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
  8.  If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
  9.  If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
 10.  It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
 11.  She won't get sick if your wrap your dick
 12.  If you go into heat, package your meat
 13.  While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis
 14.  When you take off her pants and blouse,
      suit up your trouser mouse
 15.  Especially in December, gift wrap your member
 16.  Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
 17.  Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
 18.  The right selection! Protect your erection
 19.  Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
 20.  A crank with armor will never harm her
 21.  No glove, no love!

Subj:     Four Seasons Condoms Commercial (S885d)
          From: tom on 12/21/2013
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/ROJy9TlhxtY
 Source2: http://adsoftheworld.com/media/tv/four_seasons_condoms_getnaked

 This Four Seasons Condoms commercial for NAKED condoms
 was banned from television. The ad emphasizes that the
 condoms come in four sizes.  Click 'HERE' to see this
 couple have sex four times in a drug store to check
 condom sizes.

Subj:     Two Old Ladies And A Condom (S125, S558b)
          From: drgolfmd on 5/11/2004
      and From: gordonschuk on 9/25/2007
 Two old ladies (Rachel and Alicia),were waiting for a bus
 and Alicia was smoking a cigarette.  It started to rain,
 so the old lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
 condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette
 and continued to smoke.

 Her friend, Rachel, saw this and said, "Hey, now that's a
 good idea!  What is that you're putting over your cigarette?"
 The other old lady, Alicia, said, "It's a condom."

 "A condom? Where do you get those?"

 Alicia told her that she could purchase them at a pharmacy.
 When the two old ladies arrived downtown, Rachel went into
 the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.
 The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that
 this little old lady was interested in condoms. He asked
 her, "what size do you want?"

 Rachel thought for a moment and said, "one that will fit
 a Camel."

Subj:     Short Condom Jokes

Subj:     Cowboy Goes Shopping (S781) 
          From: sam.hutkins on 12/9/2011
 Source: (Removed from snipershide.com)
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute, short joke,

Subj:.....Little Johnny And Dad's Condom (S280)
          From: twistedhumor.com on 10/6/2000
 Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 and found him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a
 condom onto his dick.  In an attempt to hide his full
 erection, Johnny's father bent over as if to look under
 the bed.

 Little Johnny asked curiously, "What ya doin', Dad?"

 His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go
 underneath the bed."

 Johnny replied, "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

Subj:     I Will Not Be Your Father Condom (S770)
          From: Catherine Coxon on 10/15/2011
 Source in English: LaughingSquid.com
 Source in French:  Callvin.com (in Facebook)

Subj:     Buying A Condom From A Young Woman
 The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was
 waited on by a beautiful young woman.  She asked what size
 I wanted and I said I wasn't sure.  So she asked now big I
 was and I said, "Compared to what?"  She held up one finger
 and asked if I was that big.  I said, "I'm bigger than that."
 Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I
 said, "I'm bigger than that."  Then she held up three
 fingers and asked if I was that big.  I said, "I'm about
 that big."  She put the three fingers in her mouth and said,
 "You're a medium."

Subj:     R2D2 Condom - Want To Plug? (S915)
          From: Matt Small on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=596170420465823

Subj:     United States Government Seal (S492b)
          From: darrell94590 on 6/23/2006
 Read about the effort to change the official US Seal by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Census Takers Issued Condoms (S245b)
          From: jerry on 10/11/2001
 News Item:  More than 10,000 census takers heading out to
 visit South African households this week will be given
 condoms in case they are ''led into temptation'' during
 the week, says the South African Health Department.

 Some census taker's jobs are more interesting than other
 census taker's jobs.

 UK Telegraph 10-Aug-01

Subj:.....The Ring (S887d)
          From: Linda Lemelin on Facebook on 1/7/2014
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101731930255434&
Subj:     The Best Commercial Ever (S474b.d)
          From: darrell94590 on 2/10/2006
 To view this commercial I have seen on TV, click 'HERE'.

Subj:     Woman Askes About Condoms At Drugstore (S125)
          From: WSelwa on 6/18/99
 A woman walked into a drugstore and asked the pharmacist if he
 sold extra large condoms.  He replied, "Yes we do.  Would you
 like to buy some?"

 She responded, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here
 until someone does?"

Subj:     How To Use A Condom After 50 (S462b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/28/2005
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 This cute cartoon can be seen by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Buying A Condom From a Young Woman (Vers. 2)
          From: ipkis on 97-09-08
 A man walked into a drugstore and asked for some condoms.
 The pretty young woman behind the counter asked, "What size?"

 "I didn't know they came in different sizes," the guy answered.

 She said, "Okay, come with me."  She led him into a back room,
 lifted her skirt and directed him to stick it in, which he did.
 She said, "You're a size seven."

 The guy made his purchase, went home and told his roommate
 about the experience.  The roommate rushed to the store, where
 he got the same treatment.

 "You're a size eight," the salesgirl said.  "How many condoms
 do you want?"

 He replied, "None.  I just came in for a fitting."

 The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the
 early 1500s.

 The first-known contraceptive was crocodile dung,
     used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.

 From 'Strange Sex Laws' in LAWS

 In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending
 machines with one exception: prophylactics may be
 dispensed from a vending machine in places where alcoholic
 beverages are sold for consump- tion on the premises."
 (Is this a great country or what?)

 In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

From: DR SWITZER on 98-04-04
 A duck walks into a drug store. He goes to the counter and
 asks for a box of condoms.
 The pharmacist says, "OK, that will be $5.95. Would you
    like me to just put them on your bill?"
 The duck says "Hey listen pal, I'm not that kind of duck!"

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #26
 A duck walks (OK, waddles) into a drug store and buys a
    package of condoms.
 The Pharmacist says, "Cash or would you like them on your
 The duck says, "My bill? I'm going to put them on my dick!"
 The Pharmacist then says, "That will be $9.99 plus tax".
 To which the duck responds, "Tacks? I though they stayed
    on by themselves!"

From: humorlist-digest V1 #185 on 97-08-28
 A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman.
 He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, miss?"
 "Don't miss me, mister."
 "Well then, you better make it 13."

From: auntieg on 98-05-09
 The Ramses brand condom is named after the great
 pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #118 on 98-05-13 (S273c)
and From: CatScratch@MightyCool.com on 4/20/2002
 A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt
 about condoms.  She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

From: RFSlick on 8/25/2001 (S239)
 There's a new medical crisis.  Doctors are reporting that
 many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
 They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the  problem?
   -- Dustin Hoffman

From: edapsmas on 4/24/2007 (S536b)
 A women asks man who is traveling with six children, "Are
 all these kids yours??"  The man replies, " No, I work in
 a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

From: FrankRoesch on 2/10/2002 (S263)
 Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

 Q: Did you hear about the two condoms outside a gay bar
 A: One said to the other "Want to go inside and get shit-faced"

 Q: Why is a diploma like a condom?
 A: It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort,
    it's worthless the next day.

 Q: How do you recycle a condom?
 A: Shake the fuck out of it.

 Q: What do women and condoms have in common?
 A: 10% of the time, they are on your pecker,
   and the other 90% they are in your wallet.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #178
 Q: What do Kodak and condoms have in common?
 A: They both capture the moment.

From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
 Q: What do women ? condoms have in common?
 A: They're either all over your dick, or in our wallet.

From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
 Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
 A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

From: LABLaughs.com 12/24/2002 (S308b)
 Q: Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
 A: They hang around after the man leaves and
    talks to the woman.

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/18/2003 (S333b)
 Q: What do they call condoms in Germany?
 A: Weinerhosen

                           -(o o)-
...............................From Smiliemania.da.