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>>>
Subj:     Gays Jokes
                 (Includes 114 jokes and articles, 03 1025,14,no ads,wYT4,6)

          Click "Here" for Gays-Supp


Rainbow Flag
from
Some New Light Shed
Includes the following:  New Wheaties Cereal Box - Drawing (S960)
.........................First Gay Edition Of The Bachelor - Video (S882 in Supp)
.........................Guy Wakes Up With Two Rings (S1025 in Supp)
.........................Gay Marriage (S871 in Supp)
.........................Football-Pool (S439b in Supp)
.........................Two Lesbians Raised A Baby - Video (S777 in Supp)
.........................Tran Tuong Nguyen Show - Video  (S808 in Supp)
.........................Bizarro Sunday Comic Strip (S901 in Supp)
.........................Pepsi Commercial - Now or Never! - Video (S746 in Supp)
.........................President Obama: It Gets Better - Video (S720 in Supp)
.........................Joel Burns Tells Gay Teens "It Gets Better" - Vid(S717-Sup)
.........................The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad -Vid(S711-Sup)
.........................Whose Line Is It Anyway w/ Richard Simmons - Vid (S707-Sup)
.........................Labatt Blue Lip Gloss Commercial (S701 in Supp)
.........................The Lesbians And A Rolex (S668b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Zig Zaggy - Political Cartoon (S727)
.........................John Stamos' Guide To Cuddling - Video (S952)
.........................Two Firemen Caught Butt-Fucking (DU)
.........................Female Or Shemale (S518)
.........................Drunk Is Sexually Abused (S263b, DU)
.........................Gay Wedding Etiquette (S233, DU)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S1025)
.........................Two Gays Have A Baby (S156, DU)
.........................Three Gays Die (S78, S518c)
.........................Robber in a Gay Bar (S65, DU)
.........................Gay Marriage - Cartoon (S405)
.........................Are You Gay? (S53, S667b)
.........................Bruce Has To Go Bathroom In The Park (DU)
.........................Comming Out Of The Closet To Mom (S24, S445b)
.........................Two Poofs And A Truck Driver In An Accident (S263c)
.........................Two Gays Fart (DU)
.........................Adam And Eve Banned Video (S615c)
.........................Homosexual Sons Discussed At The Bar (S308b)
.........................Gay Feels Something In His Butt (S519b)
.........................Liberace Goes To The Doctor (S283b)
.........................Guy Wakes Up With Two Rings
.........................Sailor Needs A Hotel Room (S258, S737)
                         Short Gay Jokes (S101)
..............................Blow Job Surprise (S807 in Supp)
..............................Non Sequitur Sunday Comic Strip (S768 in Supp)
..............................Gay Marriage And Marijuana Legalized (S827 in Supp)
..............................Kevin Siers Cartoons (S887)
..............................Auth Political Cartoon (S649b in Supp)
..............................Opus Comic Strip III (S615b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Stripped - Video (S595)
..............................Opus Comic Strip (S603c)
..............................Opus Comic Strip II (S605c)
..............................Gay Finger Test (S547)
..............................Trick or Treat? (S512b)
..............................Gay Adoption - PPS (S501c)
..............................Modern Loving (S462b)
..............................Thailand's Most Beautiful Girl (S574c)
..............................Two Couples Swap Partners (S238)
..............................Two Gays Walking Down The Road (S234)
..............................Two Gays In The Shower (S55)

Also see BARANIMALS   - 'Alligator Goes To A Bar'
......................- 'Bar With Monkey'
......................- 'Monkey In Bar Tells Joke'
         BAR1 file    - 'Three Dikes At Bar'
......................- 'Two Dikes At A Bar'
......................- 'Two Guys Have A Gun Pointed At Them At A Bar'
         BAR2 file    - 'Man And The Barrel Behind The Bar'
......................- 'Drinking 12 Shots'
......................- 'Blewing Chunks'
......................- 'Drunk Tries To Start A Fight In A Bar'
         BAR SUPP     - 'A Drunk And A Lesbian In A Bar'
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Doonesbury On The Senator Craig Scandal'
         BIRDS file   - 'Crow Desperate For Sex'
         BIRDS-CHICKEN- 'Rooster Race'
         BIRDS-DUCKS  - 'Necrophilic Mallard Ducks?'
         BUGS_ETC file- 'Two Spiders Mating In Garden'
         CAMEL file   - 'Sex Like A Camel'
         CARS1 file   - 'Why Your Mom Said Don't Pick Up Hitchhikers!'
         CLINTON-SCN2 - 'Bill Clinton Flirts' - Photo
         COLLEGE1 file- 'School Letters'
......................- 'Logic And The Weed-Eater'
         COWBOY file  - 'Cowboy And Lesbian In A Bar'
         DATING2 file - 'Finding A Picture Of The Competition'
         DATING3 file - 'Having Two Boyfriends'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Doctor gives Man Suppositories'
......................- 'Doctor's Sign'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Three Ill Men See The Doctor'
......................- 'Mother Consults Doctor About Daughter Dating'
         ELDERLY1-SUPP- 'The Wishing Well' - Video
         ENGLISH-SUPP - 'Britain's Got Talent 2011: Edward Reid' - Video
......................- 'Bizarro Cartoon II'
         FAIRY TALES  - 'Climbing The Ladder To Success'
         FARMER2 file - 'The Widow Farmer And The Gay Ranch Hand'
         GREEK file   - 'Irish, Jew And Greek Make A Deal With St. Peter'
         GOLF1 file   - 'Two Rednecks And Two Gays Play Golf'
......................- 'Golfing Lawyer Meets Beautiful Babe'
         GOLF2 file   - 'Four Golfers Talk About Their Sons'
         HARLEY file  - 'The Biker And The Suicide Jumper'
         HELL file    - 'Hell's Schedule'
         INDIAN file  - 'Two Indians In A Gay Bar'
         KIDS5 file   - 'Potential Vs Reality'
         LEPRECHAUN   - 'Leprichaun At The Urinal'
         MEN1 file    - 'The Perfect Man'
......................- 'Big And Little Guy In Elevator'
         MONKEY file  - 'Gay Guy Trapped In Ape Cage'
         MOVIES2 file - 'Wizard Of Oz (Alternate Ending)' - Video
         NUDIST file  - 'New Nudist At Colony'
         NUNS file    - 'A Nun And A Hippie On A Bus'
         OBAMA file   - 'Bizarro Comic Strip'
         PENIS1 file  - 'Gay Bar Requires Dick Naming'
         PENIS3 file  - 'Boy Forced To Receive Oral Sex'
         PLANE2 file  - 'Gay Male Flight Attendant'
         PLANE-SUPP2  - 'XXL's Airport Love' - Video
         PRIEST1 file - 'The Priest Has A Baby'
         PRIEST3 file - 'Two Priests At The Urnal'
......................- 'Short Priest Jokes'
         PRISON file  - 'Escape Convict Breaks Into A House'
         SAILOR file  - 'Sailor Gets Horney At Sea'
         SEX1 file    - 'Fourteen Year Old Has First Sex'
         SEX2 file    - 'Having Sex With Your English Teacher'
         SHIP file    - 'John's Boat'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Ballad of the Queen Berets' - Video
         STRANDED file- 'Stranded With Six Women'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Zig Zaggy (S727 in Religion1)
          By Ward Sutton, From: Tea Party Comics
          in Funny Times on November 2010
 Source: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial
........._opinion/cartoons/092410_Tea_Party?pg=5

 The newspaper comics page: some find it to be innocuous,
 even at times irrelevant.  But there's a growing concern
 among a certain segment of the country that the comics
 page is out of step with mainstream values, if not an
 outright cesspool of treasonous, pinko propaganda.  So
 in the interest of fairness and balance we present comics
 reinvented by Tea Party cartoonists Joe Smith and Ward
 Sutton.
...............
.
Top
Subj:     John Stamos' Guide To Cuddling (S952d)
          Made by CollegeHumor
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ocj_sGKFOIA
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152852263607807

 John Stamos' Guide To Cuddling Will Get You In The Mood - with
 John Stamos and Bob Saget.  Click 'HERE' to see this CollegeHumor
 - Full House video.

Top
Subj:     Two Firemen Caught Butt-Fucking (DU)

 Two firemen are butt-fucking in a smoke-filled room.  The
 fire chief walks in, says "What the HELL is going on here?!?"
 The fireman in back says "Sir, this man is suffering from
 smoke inhalation!"

 The chief says "well, did you try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation??"

 The fireman replys "yes, sir, how do you think this shit got
 started?!?"

Top
Subj:     Female Or Shemale (S518 in Differences1)
          From: edapsmas on 12/14/2006
 Source: http://joeschwartz.net/shemale/index.html

 Can you tell the difference between a female and a shemale?
 Take this sixteen question quiz by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Drunk Is Sexually Abused (S263b, DU)
          From: dogbyte on 2/7/2002

 A horny man is walking through a park, and notices a wino
 passed out on a park bench.  Temptation overcomes him, and
 he decides to 'have his way' with the wino.  After he
 finishes, he feels a little guilty, and decides to slip a
 $5.00 bill into the pocket of the wino's pants.

 The next morning, the wino wakes up and finds the money in
 his pocket.  He immediately goes to the nearest liquor
 store and tells the clerk, "Give me $5.00 worth of the
 cheapest wine you've got!"  The clerk returns with a gallon
 jug of wine, the wino pays for it and leaves.  He then
 spends the rest of the day back at his bench drinking.

 That night after the wino passed out, the horny man walked
 by again, and repeated the cycle from the night before.
 The next morning, the wino found the money in his pocket
 again, and again went to the same liquor store and bought
 another gallon jug of cheap wine, then spent the rest of
 the day drinking on his bench.

 This whole process continued nightly for over a week.
 One night, after finishing his business with the wino,
 the man felt especially guilty about his behavior, and
 slipped a $20.00 bill into the wino's pocket.

 The next morning, after finding the money, the wino
 proceeds to his favorite liquor store and requests $20.00
 of their finest wine.

 The clerk obliged and said, "Don't you usually come in
 here and get $5.00 of our cheapest wine?"

 To which the wino replied "Yeah, but I gotta quit
 drinking that cheap stuff.  It makes my ass hurt!"

Top
Subj:     Gay Wedding Etiquette (S233, DU)
          From: KMACINTY on 7/18/2001

  1. On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two
     grooms to see each other at the gym.

  2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple
     should have: Something bold, something flirty,
     something trashy, something dirty.

  3. It's customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the
     parents to have an open bar during the entire ceremony.

  4. Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain
     from eating any of the wedding cake because it's all
     carbs and sugar.

  5. It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to
     have dated the priest.

  6. During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use
     glow sticks, flags, whistles or hand held lasers.

  7. For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet
     is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.

  8. The reception hall must have a disco ball and at least
     one go go dancer.

  9. The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's
     hear it for the boy, YMCA or I will Survive.

 10. The father of the Bottom pays for everything!

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S1025)
          By Dan Piraro on 8/31/2016
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/august-31-2016/
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Top
Subj:     Two Gays Have A Baby (S156, DU)
          From: JCary on 01/28/2000

 Two gay men decide to have a baby.  They mix their sperm,
 then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.
 When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.  Two
 dozen babies are in the nursery, 23 of which are crying
 and screaming.  One baby over in the corner is smiling
 serenely.  A nurse comes by and to the gays' delight, she
 points out the happy child as theirs.

 "Isn't it wonderful?", Brad exclaims.  "All these unhappy
 children, and ours is so happy."

 The nurse says "He's happy now. But just wait until we take
 the pacifier out of his ass."

Top
Subj:     Three Gays Die (S78, S518c)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #261 on 98-07-25

 Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.  Their
 lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same
 time, and were discussing what they planned to do with
 the ashes.

 The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going
 up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

 The second man said, "My Carl was a good fisherman, so
 I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

 The third man said, "My Jim was such a good lover, I
 think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so
 he can tear my ass up just one more time."

Top
Subj:     Robber In A Gay Bar (S65, DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #99 on 98-04-21

 A bartender in a gay bar was getting ready to close for the
 night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a
 gun.  He yells to the bartender,

 "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

 The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do
 as you say!"

 The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

 The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot,
 I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

 The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's
 head and says, "Alright, now  give me a blowjob!"

 "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"

 The bartender starts to blow the crook.  As the crook gets
 excited, he drops the gun.  The bartender sees the gun on
 the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells,
 "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"

Top
Subj:     Gay Marriage (S405)
          From: DafterLafter on 10/19/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
.
............
.
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Top
Subj:     Are You Gay? (S53, S667b)
          From: Anaise on 98-01-21
      and From: mrx on 6/8/2004

 An employee for USAir, who happened to have the last name of
 GAY, got on a plane recently using one of his company's "Free
 Flight" programs.  However, when Mr. Gay tried to take his
 seat, he found it being occupied by a paying passenger.  So,
 not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat.

 Unknown to Mr. Gay, another USAir flight at the airport
 experienced mechanical problems.  The passengers of this
 other flight were being rerouted to various airplanes.  A
 few were put on Mr. Gay's flight and anyone who was holding
 a "free" ticket was being "bumped".

 Airline officials, armed with a list of these "freebee" ticket
 holders boarded the plane to remove the free ticket holders.
 Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as
 you may remember.

 So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr. Gay was
 supposed to be sitting, she asked a startled customer "Are you
 Gay?".

 The man, shyly nodded that he was, at which point she demanded,
 "Then you have to get off the plane."

 Our Mr. Gay, overhearing what the Ticket Agent had said, tried
 to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man. I'm Gay!"

 This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell, I'm gay too!
 They can't kick us all off!"

 Confusion reined as more an more passengers began yelling that
 USAir had no right to remove gays from their flights. As far as
 I know, they are still on the tarmac fighting it out.

 Snopes.com calles this story a legend and gives five examples of
 different versions at http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/obnox.htm

Top
Subj:     Bruce Has To Go Bathroom In The Park (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #223 on 98-01-17

 Lance and Bruce were walking in the park one afternoon, when
 Bruce felt the call of nature.  He stepped into the bushes
 to do his duty, when all of a sudden Lance heard a shrill
 scream.

 "Oh, my God!  I've had a miscarriage!  Look!  Little hands,
 little feet - oh my God!"

 Lance goes charging into the bushes to see what's going.
 He looked around for a few seconds and lisps, "Bruce, you
 fucking idiot, you just shit on a frog!"

Top
Subj:     Comming Out Of The Closet To Mom (S24, S445b)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #181
      and From: CKButch4Femme on 7/31/2005

 A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his
 sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and
 found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.  He sat
 down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said,
 "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm gay."

 His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy
 was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when
 she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said
 calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other
 men's penises in your mouth?"

 The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."

 His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly
 whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon
 and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"

Top
Subj:     Two Poofs And A Truck Driver In An Accident (S263c)
          From: dogbyte on 2/23/2002

 (See 'Two Rednecks and Two Gays Play Golf' in GOLF1)

 A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while
 stopped at a stop sign, they are rear ended by a big
 semi. Furiously, the guy in the passenger side throws
 his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back
 to the truck and starts banging on the door.

 The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing
 there with his hands on his hips, says, "I'm gonna sue
 your ass, Buddy!"

 The truck driver, laughs and says, "Suck my dick!"

 The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes
 get really big and his face lights up.  He runs back
 to the car, and says excitedly to his lover, "You won't
 believe it, he wants to settle out of court!"

Top
Subj:     Two Gays Fart (DU)

 A male hitch-hiker gets picked up by 2 gays.  They're driving
 along and one of the gays says "ooh, excuse me, I have to
 fart" and there is a soft "ppphhht" noise.  A few minutes
 later the second gay says "ooh, excuse me, I have to fart
 too" and there's another "ppphhht" noise.  Then the hitch-
 hiker says "ummm, guys, I'm gonna have to let one fly too"
 and there is this roaring flatulent blast, like a cross
 between a brass band and a VW backfiring.  The gays turn to
 each other and giggle "ooooh!  A virgin!".

Top
Subj:     Adam And Eve Banned Video (S615c,d)
          From: ginafm on 10/20/2008 (in Eden)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/zKAW96N-Vms

 This cute video shows you another potential problem
 in the Garden of Eden.  Click 'HERE' to view this video.

 This is part of a banned commercial from Centraal Beheer
 at http://www.illegaladvertising.com.

Top
Subj:     Homosexual Sons Discussed At The Bar (S308b)

 A man walks into a bar one night and asks for 3 drinks.
 The bartender asks the man what is wrong, to which the
 man replied, "My oldest son is a homosexual."  So the
 bartender gives him 3 drinks.

 A few months later the man walks in and asks the bartender
 for five drinks.  Again the bartender asked the man what
 was wrong.  "My second son is a homosexual."  The bartender
 gives him five drinks, and the man goes on his way.

 Several months later, he walks in again and asks for ten
 drinks.  The bartender again asks what's wrong.  "My
 youngest son just admitted he's homosexual."

 The bartender replied, "My goodness, isn't there anybody
 in your family that like women?"  "Yeah, my wife does."

Top
Subj:     Gay Feels Something In His Butt (S519b)

 Two gay lovers were talking.  The first one sez, "I think
 you left something in my honey hole last night"

 The second one sez, "I don't see how thats possible, but
 I'll check.  Pull down you pants."  He sticks his finger
 up the wazoo as far as he can and feels around.  "There's
 nothing here."

 "Oh, I'm sure there's something.  Probe farther," sez the
 first.  So the lover sticks two fingers, then three fingers,
 then finally his entire hand inside.  "Hey there *is*
 something here!" he sez, pulling out the object.

 "It's a Rolex Watch!"

 The first one begins singing, "Happy birthday to you..."

Top
Subj:     Liberace Goes To The Doctor (S283b)
          From: twistedhumor.com on 6/20/02

 So, Liberace goes to the Doctor for his physical.  After the
 exam the Doctor comes in and says,

 "You've got six weeks to live."

 Liberace asks, "How do you know this?"

 The Doctor tells him, "During the exam a hamster crawled out
 of your ass, saw his shadow, and went back in."

Top
Subj:     Sailor Needs A Hotel Room (S258, S737)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #205 on 97-10-26
      and From: gaylevallejo on 10/2/2005 and 2/21/2011

 By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every
 hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere,"
 he pleaded.  "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

 "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air
 Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to
 split the cost.  But to tell you the truth, he snores so
 loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in
 the past.  I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

 "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him.  "I'll take it."

 The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-
 eyed and bushy-tailed.  "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

 "Never better."

 The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy
 snoring?"

 "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Navy guy.

 "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

 "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the
 room," the sailor explained.  "I went over, gave him a kiss
 on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat
 up all night watching me."


Subj:     Short Gay Jokes (S101)

Top
Subj:     Stripped (Who is inside My Baby) (S595)
          From: tom on 6/15/2008 (in Nudist)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/QLO-m6HOlFY
 Only one word comes to my mind when I see this video and
 that word is disturbing.  You can view this very strange
 video by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Opus Comic Strip (S603c) 
          By Berkeley Breathed on Nov. 25, 2007
 Source: http://www.salon.com/2007/11/25/opus_22/
 In this Opus Comic Strip, they discuss gay cartoon characters.
 You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

 You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking
 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Opus Comic Strip II (S605c) 
          By Berkeley Breathed on Sept. 30, 2007 
 Source: http://www.salon.com/2007/09/30/opus_14/
 In this Opus Comic Strip, they discuss bathroom signals.
 You can view by clicking 'HERE'.

 You can view other great Opus Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Gay Finger Test (S547)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/14/2007
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 Take the Gay Finger Test and see how you stack up.  You
 can take the test by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Trick or Treat? (S512b in Halloween)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/7/2006
 REMEMBER.................. Your Mother Telling You Never
 Accept Candy From a Stranger?  Here is why!  You can view
 this colorful outfit by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Gay Adoption - PPS (S501c)
          From: darrell94590 on 8/21/2006
 This Power Point Show is a test of your actual beliefs.  You
 must be honest and answer the questions truthfully.  Click
 'HERE' to start.
 

Top
Subj:     Modern Loving (S462b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/2/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can view this cute, dirty, cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Thailand's Most Beautiful Girl (S574c in Asian)
          From: tom on 1/14/2008
 Ok, you be the judge.  Which one would you pick?  To view
 these seven photos, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Two Couples Swap Partners (S238)
          From: dogbyte on 8/22/2001
 Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a
 posh hotel.  When they get there, one guy suggests they
 indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.

 After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned
 to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best
 sex I had in years: I wonder how the girls are doing?"
 

Top
Subj:     Two Gays Walking Down The Road (S234)
          From: Lots of Jokes on 7/24/01
 Source: (Removed from lotsofjokes.com)
 Two homosexual guys were walking down the road when one
 looked at the other and said "You see that guy across the
 road?"  "Wow, he's cute!!!" the other said.  "Well, I had
 sex with that guy a couple of years back."  "No shit???"
 the other asked.  "Not much..." replied the first.
 

Top
Subj:     Two Gays In The Shower (S55)
          From: rballer on 98-02-15
 Two gays were showering together when one noticed something stuck on the
 other's penis.  "What the heck is that"? he asked.  "It's a nicotene
 patch" replied the other.  "Is it working?" asked the first.  "Yes, I'm
 dowm to only five butts a week" he answered.
 

 A straight couple need a marriage license to marry. Now that
 homosexual marriage is in vogue, what do two lesbians need?
 A licker license.

 Babe Ruth hits the most home runs, Pete Rose got the most base hits,
 Nolan Ryan got the most strikeouts.  Who got hit in the face by most
 balls?? Answer backwards:  Nosduh Kcor.

 Did you hear about the two gay Irishman?
 William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam

 Did you hear about the queer Irishman?
 He preferred women to wiskey.

 Did you hear about the two gay Americans?
 Ben Dover and Phil McAvity.

 Women libbers are ok.  I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

 Lesbian (less bee un) (proper noun):
 Just another woman trying to do a man's job.

 Two gay men were in a pool pushing a turd back and forth to eash
 other and the lifegaurd see's this and asks what they are doing.
 "Teaching our child to swim!"

 2 gays sitting at the bar. One turns around to the other and says
 "Hey, let me move your stool for you"!

 Two old maids decide to live together.  "Of course we'll have to be
 frank with each other" says the first.  "Ok" says the second, "I'll
 be frank tonight and you can be frank tommorrow".

 Two gay guys get in a fight in a bar.
 They go outside to exchange blows.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #8
 Written in a subway toilet: "My mother made me a homosexual"
 and below, someone else wrote hopefully:
 "If I give her the wool, can she make me one?"

 Written above a urinal:
 Faggots SUCK!
 and below it was written:
 That's the idea, dummie

 I hear that Heaven is losing money since Liberace and
 Rock Hudson died. They're blowing all the prophets.

 Two queers were on the beach, one says to the other, "shall I put the
 umbrella up?". The other one replies, "yes but don't open it!".
 

 From LAWS file.

 In Manchester, England, an ancient law declares that if a
 young man develops a lisp, he must be inspected by a bishop
 to ensure that he isn't developing homosexual tendencies.
 

From: humorlist-digest V1 #275 on 97-12-13
 One gay guy is trying to convince the other gay guy that he's pregnant.

 The second guy says, "Well, if you are pregnant, who's the father?"

 The first guy says, "How the hell should I know?
 Do I have eyes in the back of my head?"

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #217 on 97-12-16
 Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, "I want you to help me
 obtain a divorce. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with."
 "What do you mean?" asked the attorney. "Does he force you to indulge
 in unusual sex practices?"
 "No, he doesn't," replied the woman, "and neither does the little queer."

From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
 A lesbian is just another woman trying to do a man's job

 Arachnohomophobia: Fear of gay spiders

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
 Did you hear about the two gay judges that tried each other?

From: scott_pryor on 99-01-02
 There's a new sitcom out directed especially at gay men.
 It's called, "Leave It, It's Beaver."

From: scott_pryor on 99-02-21 (S109)
 Three homesexuals were relaxing chest high in a hot tub.  All of a
 sudden some sperm floated to the surface.  "All right, all right",
 one of the three protested, "which one of you two just farted?"

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #293 on 3/19/99 (S112)
 Did you hear about the gay guy that put a
 nicorette patch on the tip of hispenis???
 Yeah, he's down to two butts a day!!!!!

From: JCary on 01/17/2000 (S160)
 "Capital punishment turns the state into a
  murderer.  But imprisonment turns the state
  into a gay dungeon-master," - Emo Philips

From: dogbyte on 9/1/2001 (S240)
 Transvestite: A fellow who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary!

.
. Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009
.
 Short Lesbian Question-Answer Jokes (S584c)
.
.
.
 Q: What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
 A: Fur traders.

 Q: What do you call a shed full of Lesbians ?
 A: A Lickerbarn.

 Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
 A: Well I'll be damned....we DO taste like chicken!

 Q: Did you hear that Nike is coming out with a new
    shoe for lesbian track stars?
 A: They're called Dikes, have a extra long tongue,
    and you can get them off with one finger.

 Q: How do you know lesbian carpenters built your house?
 A: All the joints are tongue in groove and it has no studs.

 Q: What do you call an Irish lesbian?
 A: A gaelic.

 Q: What's the lesbians motto?
 A: Tastes great, less filling.

 Q: What do two lesbians do when have their period?
 A: Fingerpainting.

 Q: What do you call 100 heavily armed lesbians?
 A: Militia Etheridge.

 Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a lighbulb?
 A: Is that supposed to be funny, pig?

 Q: What do you get when you add a million lesbians
    to the Million man march?
 A: TWO million people who don't do dick!

 Q: What's the difference between a Lebanese Woman, and a catfish?
 A: One's got fatlips and whiskers, and the other one is a fish.

 Q: How do they seperate the men from the boys in a gay bar?
 A: with a crowbar.

 Q: Did you hear about the two condoms outside a gay bar
 A: One said to the other "Want to go inside and get shit-faced"

 Q: What is the hottest pickup line in a gay bar?
 A: Can I push your stool in for you?

 Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other?
 A: Fuck it..we'll never find an egg in all this shit.

 Q: How can you tell if a cowboy is queer?
 A: His horn is in the middle of his saddle.

 Q: Did you hear about the queer mounted police
 A: He sat on his whistle and blew his horse.

 Q: What's the difference between a straight rodeo, and a gay rodeo?
 A: At a straight rodeo, they shout "RIDE THAT SUCKER !"

 Q: What is the first sign of AIDS?
 A: A hard throbbing pain in your ass.

 Q: How does a gay man fake an orgasm?
 A: Spits on the guy's back.

 Q: Why did all the homosexuals vote for Bill Clinton in the last election?
 A: Because they like assholes better than Bush.

 Q: How can you tell when you're in a gay church?
 A: Every other guy is kneeling.

 Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear
    short black mini skirts?
 A: Cause their balls show!

 Q: What do you call a gay Indian?
 A: Brave Sucker!

 Q: Did you hear about the gay paraplegics?
 A: They fuck each others colostomy bags.

 Q: Why did the priest get aids?
 A: He didn't wash his organ between hims.

 Q: Why did the Catholic priest get in so much trouble?
 A: Every afternoon he'd invite an alter boy in for organ practice.

 Q: What's the miracle of AIDS?
 A: It turns fruits into vegetables.

 Q: Why haven't the scientists been able to find a cure for AIDS?
 A: They havent been able to get the mice to buttfuck.

 Q: Why did the gay reporter do so well?
 A: He liked to dig around for the inside poop.

 Q: When does a distinguished gay gentleman become a fucking faggot?
 A: As soon as he leaves the room!

 Q: What's the difference between "like" and "love"?
 A: Spit and swallow.

 Q: How many gays does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Three, one to change the bulb and two to say "fabulous".

 Q: What is the difference between a Hobo and a Homo?
 A: A Hobo is lonely, and a Homo has friends up the ass.

 Q: What's the difference between a pervert and a kinky person?
 A: A pervert uses a feather, a kinky person uses the whole chicken!

 Q: What's the difference between a microwave and a queer?
 A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 1/26/97
 Q: Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
 A: For traction in the mud.

From: ipkis on 97-07-24
 Q: What's the hardest thing about having Aids?
 A: Leaving your friend's behind.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #34 on 98-02-04
 Q: What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
 A: Speed bumps.

 Q: What do you call a mexican queer?
 A: A senor eater.

From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
 Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
 A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

From: RFSlick on 98-04-10
 Q: Did you hear about the 3 men who attacked the woman in SF?
 A: Two held her down while the last did her hair.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #113 on 98-05-08
 Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
 A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.

From: dogbyte on 2/4/2002 (S262)
 Q: What did the wife do whe she found out her husband was gay?
 A: She turned around and took it like a man!

From: dogbyte on 2/8/2002 (S262)
 Q: Why couldn't the Greek boy run away from home?
 A: He couldn't leave his brothers behind!

From: Anonymous Jr on July 7,2004 (S389b)
 Q: What did the homo say to the census taker?
 A: "Well, I was born in Chicago but reared in San Francisco."

From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/23/2004 (S409b - ships)
 Q: How did the tugboat get AIDs?
 A: It was rear-ended by a ferry.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/7/2004 (S411)
 Q: What do you call two homosexuals named Bob?
 A: Oral Roberts

From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/18/2005 (S416b - trees)
 Q: What do you call a gay X-mas tree?
 A: Spruce

From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/9/2005 (S420b - mailman-etc)
 Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
 A: A dairy queen

From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/24/2005 (S425b)
 Q: What do you call a Jewish homosexual?
 A: A He-blew

From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 3/16/97
 Q: What do you call a lesbian eskimo?
 A: A klondyke.

From: Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 1/26/97
 Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
 A: Well hung.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
 Q: What's the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian?
 A: A Wheat Thin is a snack cracker....

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #297 - Quickies! on 4/18/99
 Q: Know what one lesbian vampire said to another lesbian vampire?
 A: "See you next month!"

From: kmacinty on 6/23/2002 (S282b)
 Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
 A: Hair balls.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/8/2005 (S437b)
 Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-
    fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
 A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's....

From: CKButch4Femme on 7/31/2005 (S445b)
 Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
 A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

 Q: What do you call an Irish lesbian?
 A: Gaylick.

 Q: What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
 A: Toys for Twats.

 Q: Why do lesbians like to have gay male friends?
 A: Someone has to do the cooking!

 Q: Why do gay men like to have lesbian friends?
 A: Someone has to mow the yard.

 Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: 2 if they're small enough (think about that one for a minute!)

From: LABLaughsAdult20080402 on 4/2/2008
 Q: What do you call lesbian twins?
 A: Lick-a-likes.

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............................From Smiley_Central.
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