Subj: Hooker Jokes
(Includes 47 jokes and articles, 21819n,2,no ads,md,2)
Neon Hooker from
Best Animations
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Subj: Hooker Jokes (Includes 47 jokes and articles, 21819n,2,no ads,md,2) |
|
Neon Hooker from Best Animations |
Also see BARBER file - 'Bush
And Clinton At The Barbershop'
BIRDS-CHICKEN- 'A
Guy Mates A Chicken'
BIRDS-PARROTS- 'Parrot
Goes To Whore House'
......................-
'Parrot
From A Whore House'
CAMEL file - 'Commander
Has Sex With Camel'
CARS2 file - 'Girl
Has Device That Causes Cars To Break Down'
CHURCH-SUPP - 'Old
Lady Tithes $1000'
EASTER file - 'Overeasy'
ELDERLY1 - 'Mr.
Schwartz Sells Sex'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Ellie
Wants SUPERSEX'
FOOD-ETC2 - 'Potato
Prostitutes'
FROG file - 'Boy
Goes To Whore House With Dead Frog'
GAMES file - 'Sees
Something Under The Card Table'
GOLF1 file - 'Senator
Has Hooker And Golf'
Golf2 file - 'Golfer
And His Bride On The Honeymoon'
GOLF3 file - 'Ed
And Nancy Met On A Cruise Ship'
HOTEL file - 'Traveler
Meets Blond In Hotel'
......................-
'Hotel
Guest Phones For Sex'
......................-
'Hotel
For Women'
IRISH2 file - 'Irish
Girl Brings Money Home For Mom'
......................-
'Irish
Girl Sends Money To Parents'
KIDS1 file - 'Potential
Vs Reality'
MARRIAGE1 - 'Wife
Plans To Sell Her Body'
MATH1 file - 'The
Mathematician, The Engineer, And The Hooker'
MONKEY file - 'Man
Pays To Loose Weight'
NUNS1 file - 'Sisters
Of Mercy House Of Prostitution'
POLIT-CLINTON- 'Clinton
Jogs Past Prostitute'
PRIEST2 file - 'Men
Of The Cloth Visit Whore House'
.........SAILOR-MARINE-
'Retired
Sailor And The Prostitute'
......................-
'Chief
And Admiral Get Shaves'
SEX1 file - 'Sex Survey'
SEX3 file - 'Thor Has
Sex'
SHIT file - 'Washington
Crosses The Delaware'
SOLDIER1 file- 'Boy
Scout Troop Visits Army Base'
SWEDISH_ETC - 'Ole
And The Hooker'
WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Bride
Charges Husband'
......................-
'Strangers
Marry And Go On Honeymoon'
WOMEN1 file - 'A Woman
Says Yes For Money'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Ameriquest's Concert Video (S581)
From: AFine963 on 3/7/2008 |
 |
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Subj: Streetwalker
Sees Her Doctor (S311, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/18/2003
A streetwalker was visiting her
doctor for a regular
checkup. "Any specific problems
you should tell me about?"
the doctor asked.
"Well, I have noticed lately
that if I get even the tiniest
cut, it seems to bleed for hours,"
she replied. "Do you
think I might be a hemophiliac?"
"Well," the doctor answered,
"hemophilia is a genetic
disorder and it is more often
found in men, but it is
possible for a woman to be a
hemophiliac. Tell me, how much
you lose when you have your
period?" the doctor inquired.
After calculating for a moment
the hooker replied, "Oh,
about seven or eight hundred
dollars, I guess."
\\\//
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Subj: Streets
Of New York (S235, DU)
From: dogbyte on 8/1/2001
A man is walking around New York
with his wife. They find
a perfume shop, the wife goes
in, and he waits outside. A
hooker comes along and says
to him, "Like to come home
with me, buddy?"
"For how much?" asks the man.
"One hundred dollars."
"I'll give you five bucks."
The girl spits at him and walks
away. A little later, the
man's wife comes out of the
shop and they continue their
walk. On the first corner
they come to there is the same
hooker. She takes one
look at the man and his wife and
says, "You see? You see
what you get for five bucks?"
\\\//
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Subj: Apartment
For Rent (S221, S618b)
From: JokesUncut on 12/21/2004
(see "A woman says yes" 2ed vers.
in Women1)
A prosperous business man propositioned
a beautiful girl and
she agreed to spend the night
with him for $500. When he was
ready to leave in the morning,
he told her that he didn't have
any money with him but that
he would have his secretary write
a check for it and make it out
as "rent for an apartment."
On the way to the office, he
decided that the whole thing
wasn't worth the price he had
agreed to pay. So he advised
his secretary to send the check
for $250 and include the
following note:
Dear Madam: enclosed
is my check in the amount of $250
for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount
I agreed upon,
because when I rented the apartment, I
was under the impression:
1. That it
had never been occupied.
2. That there
was plenty of heat.
3. That it
was small.
Last night, I found that it had
been occupied, there wasn't
any heat and it was entirely
too large. Upon the receipt
of the note, the girl
immediately returned the check with
the following note:
Dear Sir: I am returning
your check for $250. I can not
understand how
you could expect such a beautiful apartment
to remain unoccupied.
As for the heat, there was plenty
of it, if you knew
how to turn it on. As for the size,
it isn't my fault
if you didn't have sufficient furniture
to fill it.
\\\//
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Subj: Barmail
Does Sex For Money (S286b, S543)
From: coreymac on 7/13/2002
and
From: hellgunner50 on 6/13/2007
(See 'Old Man Wants To See Natalie'
in HOOKER)
An Australian guy goes into a
bar in the Greek Islands.
Jill the Australian barmaid
takes his order and notices
his Australian accent.
Over the course of the night they
talk quite a bit. At the
end of the night he asks her if
she wants to have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to
him she says no. He then
offers to pay her $200 for the
deed.
Jill is traveling the world and
because she is short of
funds she agrees. The
next night the guy turns up again
and after showing her plenty
of attention throughout the
night he asks if she will sleep
with him again for $200.
She figures in for a penny, in
for a pound-and it was
fantastic the night before-so
she agrees. This goes on
for five nights.
On the sixth night the guy comes
into the bar. This night
he orders a beer and just goes
and sits in the corner.
Jill is disappointed and thinks
that maybe she should pay
him more attention. She
goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he is from
and he tells her Melbourne.
"So am I," she says. "What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris," he says.
"That's amazing" she says, "so am I-what street?"
"Cameo Street" he says.
"This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.
"You are not going to believe
this" she says. "I'm from
number 22 and my parents still
live there!"
"I know" he says. "Your father gave me $1,000 to give to you!"
\\\//
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Subj: Old
Man Wants To See Natalie (S221, S670)
From: thebartend on 4/19/2001
and
From: tom on 11/13/2009
(See 'Barmail Does Sex For Money'
in HOOKER
and see 'Work For Pay' in HOOKER2)
The Madam opened the brothel
door to see a frail, elderly
gentleman.
"Can I help you?" the madam asked.
"I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most
expensive ladies, perhaps
someone else..."
"No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and
announced to the old man
that she charges $1,000 per
visit. Without blinking, the
man reached into his pocket
and handed her ten $100 bills.
The two went up to a room for
an hour, whereupon the man
calmly left.
The next night he appeared again
demanding to see Natalie.
Natalie explained that no one
had ever come back two nights
in a row and that there were
no discounts...it was still
$1,000 a visit. Again
the old man took out the money, the
two went up to the room and
an hour later, he left.
When he showed up the third consecutive
night, no one
could believe it. Again
he handed Natalie the money and
up to the room they went.
At the end of the hour Natalie
questioned the old man: "No
one has ever used my services
three nights in a row. Where
are you from?"
The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."
"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."
"Yes, I know," said the old man.
"Your father died, and
I'm your sister's attorney.
She asked me to give this
$3,000 to you."
\\\//
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Subj: Little
Boy Goes To Brothel (S170)
From: RFSlick on 5/3/00
A little boy hears the word whorehouse
in school and asks
his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and
replies: "Well, uh... you go
there to... have a good time."
The boy starts screaming and
hollering that he wants to go
there too, but his father insists
that he's too young.
Saturday night his dad and a
few friends go to "Suzie's" to
"have a good time", not knowing
the little boy is following
them. After his father
leaves, the little boy enters the
whorehouse and tells the madame
that he wants to have a good
time. She's a bit puzzled at
first, but being a kind-hearted
lady she gives him three doughnuts
and tells him to leave.
Later that night he comes home,
his parents all worried. His
father approaches him first
and asks him where he's been.
"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams
proudly.
"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"
"I managed the first two without
any problem, but I just
licked the last."
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Hookers Talk (S157)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #315 on 01/22/2000
Three hookers of varying ages
were standing around,
discussing their profession.
The middle aged one said: "So, how's business?"
"Awful!" replied the young one.
"All anybody wants
is blow jobs!"
"What's wrong with that?" asked
the mid-lifer. "It's
easy work, a quick turn over,
and you can make more
money that way."
"That's just the problem," exclaimed
the young lady,
"I can't get more than $20.00
for a blow job! How can
I make any money that way?"
"Oh," she replied, shrugging,
"that's nothing. When I
started working, we only got
$10.00 for a blow job!"
At this point the old hooker
chimed in. "You kids have
it so easy! Why, back
in my day, we had to give blow
jobs for free! And we
were glad to get something warm
in our bellies, too!"
\\\//
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Subj: A House
With A Red Light (S80)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #263 on 98-08-01
A fellow passed a house with
a little red light burning in
front, so he stepped inside.
There was nothing in sight, and
nothing there but an empty bare
hallway, with 2 doors reading
"Over 35" and "Under 35."
He decided to be truthful and
entered the door that said "Over
35." He found himself
in another empty hallway, this one with
2 doors that read, "Over 8 inches"
and "Under 8 inches."
Truthful again, he went through
the "Under 8 inches" door and
found himself in another empty
hall, with 2 more doors reading,
"Once a night" and "Over 4 times
a night."
Still wanting to be truthful,
he entered the door marked "Once
a night" and found himself back
out on the street.
The moral of this story is, "Always
tell the truth and you'll
never get screwed."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Little Johnny And His Mother's Occupation (DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-07-15 . |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
Naturally, after that remark,
he got sent off to the
principal's office. Then,
15 minutes later, he returned.
So the teacher asked "Did you
tell the principal what you
said in class?"
Johnny said "Yes"
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important
in our economy, gave me
an apple and asked for my phone
number."
\\\//
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Subj: Men
Of Cloth Enter Brothel (S54, S642)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #229 on 98-02-08
and
From: hellgunner50 on 4/24/2009
Two Irishmen were digging a ditch
directly across from a
brothel.
Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk
up to the front door,
glance around and duck inside.
"Ah, will you look at
that?" One ditch digger
said, "What's our world comin'
to when men of th' cloth are
visitin' such places?"
A short time later, a Protestant
minister walked up to
the door and quietly slipped
inside. "Do you believe
that?" the workman exclaimed.
"Why, 'tis no wonder th'
young people today are so confused,
what with the example
clergymen set for them."
After an hour went by, the men
watched as a Catholic
priest quickly entered the whore
house. "Ah, what a pity,"
the digger said, leaning on
his shovel. "One of th' poor
lasses must be ill."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Picks Ex-Teacher At Brothel (S52)
From: Octagon999 on 98-01-18
A horny young man went to a brothel...
The lady at the
counter asked him what his choice
would be. The man
wanted to know what was available..
Lady - "On the first floor, we
have the ex-models... they
are all slinky and sexy... On
the second floor, we have
our ex-actresses... they are
all buxom and beautiful...
On the third floor, we have
our ex-teachers....they..."
Man - "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor !"
Lady- "Are you sure... I'm surprised
that you would prefer
ex-teachers to ex-models and
ex-actresses..."
Man- "It's obvious, ma'am...
teachers always make you do
a thing over and over again...
until you're perfect at it!!"
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Goes To High Class Brothel
A man goes to a high class brothel
and asks the clerk what
are his options. The clerk
replied "There's an absolutely
gorgeous girl upstairs, in a
luxury suite. Today's special
offer, only $1000!"
"Um, do you have anything cheaper?"
"Well, one floor downwards, a
not-absolutely-gorgeous-but-
passable girl in a bit squeaky
bed. Only $100."
"Er... what's your next offer?"
"Hrmph. In the basement, an ugly
old lady, on a mouldy old
mattress. You can fuck her
for a tenner."
"I'll take that!"
The man gave the clerk his tenner
and went to the basement.
There was an ugly, pallid old
lady lying on the mattress.
He started his dirty work.
The lady said nothing. He shot
his load. The lady still
said nothing, but some sort of
brown slime flew from her mouth.
The man saw it, zipped
his jeans and left. He
explained what happened to the
clerk.
"Ah, well, I'll take care of
her.", he said, so the man
left. After the man had
left, the clerk picked up a phone
and dialled the local pathologist
institution.
"Hello? Yes, could you send me
a new one? The old one just
got full."
\\\//
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Subj: The
Bloke And The Hooker On The Street (S39)
A bloke walks down the street
and he see the hooker. He
says "How good a handjob do
you do?" She says "Well you
see that big shiny limo over
there?" He says "Yeah". She
says "Well, I bought that with
the money I made from hand-
jobs. The bloke says "Alright
give us a handjob". After-
wards he says "That was great.
I'll see you next week."
Next week comes, the bloke walks
down the street and he see
the hooker again. He says
"How good a blowjob do you do?"
She says "Well you see that
big shiny limo over there?" He
says "Yeah". She says
"Well you see that big fancy block
of apartments there with all
the fancy railings and windows
and that?" He says "Yeah".
She says "Well, I bought that
with all the money I made from
headjobs. I give the BEST
headjobs around." The
blokes says "Alright I'll have one
of those". Afterwards
he says "That was the best headjob
I've ever had, it was brilliant.
I'll see you next week".
The bloke comes back next week
and sees the hooker. He
says "Well you've given me a
handjob and you've given me a
headjob, how much do you charge
for the real thing?". She
says "Well you see that limo
over there?" "Yeah" "You see
that big block of apartments
over there?" "Yeah" "Well
you see that massive warehouse
behind the apartments?" He
says "Yeah". She says
"Well if I had one of those I'd own
that!".
Second version (better)
Subj: A Beautiful,
High Priced Hooker (S704)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #88
and
From: lordblacknail on 7/9/2010
A business man checks into a
very fancy hotel and tells the
desk clerk he has no meetings
today and would like some
"companionship", price is no
object.
The desk clerk says that he understands
and someone will be
at his door in ten minutes.
Ten minutes later there is a
knock on the man's door.
He opens it and sees the most
beautiful woman that he has
ever seen in his life. He
tells her, "I'm in no hurry
today, let's go real slow.
What do you get for a hand-job?"
She says, "$1000."
He screams, "$1000! No hand-job is worth $1000!"
She pulls him to the window,
points outside and says, "You
see that liquor store down there?
I bought that store
with the money that I got just
from hand-jobs!"
He gives her the money and sure
enough the hand-job is
like nothing he's ever had before.
She does things that
he didn't believe were possible
with a hand. It's worth
every penny.
"That's incredible," he says. What do you get for a blow-job?"
"$5000."
"$5000! No blow-job is worth $5000."
She takes him to the window and
points, "You see that Rolls-
Royce dealership? I bought
that dealership with money I got
from blow-jobs."
He gives her the money and the
blow-job is the greatest
thing he's ever known.
Like rockets and fireworks and
explosions. When it's
over, he says, "I've GOT to have
that pussy!" She takes
him to the window, points, and
says, "You see that skyscraper?...
If I had a pussy, I
could buy that skyscraper."
\\\//
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Subj: Husband
And Wife Need Extra Income (S08)
A husband and wife were having
difficulty surviving
financially so they decided
that the wife should try
prostitution as an extra source
of income. The husband
drove her out to a popular corner
and informed her he
would be at the side of the
building if she had any
questions or problems.
A gentlemen pulled up shortly
after and asked her how
much to go all the way.
She told him to wait a minute
and ran around the corner to
ask her husband. The
husband told her to tell the
client $100. She went back
and informed the client at which
he cried "That was too
much!" He then asked "How
much for a handjob?" She
asked him to wait a minute and
ran to ask her husband
how much. The husband
said "Ask for $40". The woman
ran back and informed the client.
He felt that this was an agreeable
price and began to
remove his pants and underwear.
Upon the removal of his
clothing the woman noticed that
the man had an enormous
penis. She asked him once
more to wait a moment. She
ran around the corner again
at which her husband asked
"Now what?" The wife replied
"Can I borrow $60?"
\\\//
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Subj: The
Whore, The Accountant, And Chicken Farming
A woman walks into her accountant's
office and tells him
that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before
we begin, I'll need to ask
a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social
security number, etc.
and then asks, "What is your
occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says,
"No, no, no. That will
never work. That is much
too crass. Let's try to
rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute,
then the woman states, "I'm
a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does
chicken farming have to do
with being a whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
\\\//
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Subj: Mother,
Daughter, And The Cabbie (S11, S368b)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-09
and
From: RFSlick on 2/12/2004
A mother, accompanied by her
small daughter, were in New
York City. The mother
was trying to hail a cab, when her
daughter noticed several wildly
dressed women who were
loitering on a nearby street
corner. The mother finally
hailed her cab and they both
climbed in, at which point
the daughter asks her mother,
"Mummie, what are all those
ladies waiting for by that corner?",
to which the mother
replies, "Those ladies are waiting
for their husbands to
come home from work."
The cabbie, upon hearing this
exchange, turns to the mother
and says, "Ahhhhhhh, C'mon lady!!!!
Tell your daughter the
truth!!!! For crying out
loud. They're hookers!"
A brief period of silence follows,
and the daughter then
asks, "Mummie, do the ladies
have any children?"
The mother replies, "Of course
dear. Where do you think
cabbies come from?"
\\\//
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Subj: Boy
And Girl Have Sex (S314b)
From: ipkis on 97-07-24
and
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/5/2003
A boy and his date were parked
on a back road some distance
from town, doing what boys and
girls do on back roads some
distance from town, when the
girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned
this earlier, but I'm
actually a hooker and I charge
$20 for sex." The boy
reluctantly paid her, and they
did their thing.
Afterwards the boy got in the
front seat and had a smoke.
After the cigarette, the boy
just sat in the driver's seat
looking out the window.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned
this before, but I'm actually
a taxi driver, and the fare
back to town is $25."
\\\//
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Subj: Farmer's
Son's First Time At Brothel
(See 'The
First Time Adam And Eve Have Sex' in EDEN
and 'Jane Meets Tarzan' in SEX3)
Fellow brings his son into the
big city from the bush to
get him `initiated' to the ways
of the world. After
picking up new clothes, boots,
and hat, they stop at the
`house that's not a home' in
the evening. The man explains
to the madam that he wants his
boy treated right. She
takes the boy aside for a moment
and asks "Boy, have you
ever been with a woman?"
"Why, no ma'am", he replies.
"Well, young man, have you ever practiced?" she asks him.
He blushes and says to her "What do you mean by practice?"
She tells him "Many of the boys
that come in here have
used holes in logs to practice
their skills. Is this
something that you've tried?"
He's amazed to find that she
guessed what he assumed only
he alone knew. "Yes, ma'am,"
he stammers, "I-I-I can't
believe you knew that."
They rejoin his father.
"He'll be just fine, sir- I know
just the lady for him."
She escorts the boy up the stairs,
and leads him to a room with
a woman waiting in it. A few
minutes later there's a wild
commotion in his room. The
madam, the boy's father, a (flock,
gaggle, pod) of hookers
all burst into the room, only
to see the boy standing there
naked except for his hat and
the hooker in the corner crying.
"What's going on here?" demands the madam.
"That horrible man took off my
clothes and started kicking
me really hard in the ass!"
exclaimed the shocked prostitute.
"Is this true?" asked the boy's father.
"Well, yes," said the boy, "I had to check for bees."
\\\//
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Subj: Lumberjack
Goes To A Brothel (S252b, S485)
From: dogbyte on 11/29/2001
and
From: darrell94590 on 5/5/2006
A grungy old lumberjack, in town
for the first time in weeks,
went to the local brothel and
demanded the roughest, toughest
and meanest girl in the house.
"That'll be Mary," said the
madam. "Go to Room Four and
I'll send her up."
"Fine," said the lumberjack,
"and tell her to bring a couple
of beers". In due time,
Mary appeared. She put the two
bottles of beer on the floor,
took off her negligee,
positioned herself on her hands
and knees and pointed to her
pussy.
"No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack.
"In bed, the old
fashioned way!"
"Sure, pal," grunted Mary, "but
I thought ya might want to
open them beers first."
\\\//
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Subj: Trucker
Man Goes To A Brothel (S219, S819)
From: KMACINTY on 4/12/2001
and
From: tom on 9/20/2012
A Louisiana trucker who had been
out on the road for three
straight weeks stopped at a
brothel outside Las Vegas.
He walked straight up to the
Madam, plopped down $500.00,
and said, "I want your fattest
woman, a bologna sandwich
and a six pack of beer.
The Madam was astonished. She
said, "OK, sir, but do you
know that for that kind of money
you could have two of my
finest ladies, plus a three-course
meal and a fine bottle
of wine??"
The trucker replied, "Listen,
sweetie. I ain't horny....
I'm homesick!"
\\\//
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Subj: Union
Man Goes To A Brothel (S13, S566)
From: V-lewis on 97-04-29
and From:
darrellvip on 11/21/2007
A dedicated shop steward was
at a convention in Las Vegas
and decided to check out the
local brothels.
When he got to the first one,
he asked the Madame, "Is this
a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair
dealings, the man stomped
off down the street in search
of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long
as you want to draw things
out, until finally he reached
a brothel where the Madame
said, "Why yes, this is a union
house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!"
the man said. He looked around
the room and pointed to a stunningly
attractive redhead.
"I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said
the Madame, gesturing to
a fat fifty-year-old woman in
the corner, "but Ethel here
has seniority."
\\\//
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Subj: Doing
It On Brothel Roof (S150)
(I first heard this joke in 1955 in grade school.)
A guy is given 6 weeks to live,
so he figures to live it
up every minute. One hot
night he goes to a whore house
in Vegas, and because it is
such a hot night, he asks the
girl if she'd mind doing it
outside on the roof where it's
cooler. She agrees and
while they're going at it, the guy
croaks and falls off the roof
taking the girl with him. A
passing drunk sees them fall
and goes racing up to the door
and starts banging on it.
The madam opens the door, takes
one look at the drunk and says,
"I'm sorry, I can't let you
in, you're too drunk."
"Hell," says the drunk, "I didn't
want to come in, I just
wanted to tell you that your
sign fell down."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Offers A Millon Dollars
A grubby old man asks a woman
if she would sleep with a
man for a million dollars.
She thinks it over for a
moment, and then replies that
she would sleep with a man
for a million dollars.
He offers her $50 to sleep with him.
"What kind of person do you think
I am?" And slaps him
in the face.
"We know what kind of person
you are. We're just haggling
over price."
\\\//
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Subj: Getting
A Disease At A Whore House
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #199 on 97-09-29
A guy goes out with his buddies
for a night on the town
and they go to a house of ill
repute to round off the
festivities.
A week later he visits his doctor
complaining of a large
green lump on the end of his
penis. The doctor performs
a thorough inspection and then
pulls down a weighty medical
book from the shelf and flicks
through the pages,
eventually finding a reference.
"I'm afraid this is quite serious and we have to operate!"
"Why, Doc, what's the problem?"
"Well you know how boxers can develop a cauliflower ear?"
"Yes!"
"Well you've got a brothel sprout."
\\\//
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Subj: Woman
Gets Shoes For Sex
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #207 on 97-11-03
A woman was looking into an expensive
shop window admiring
a pair of silver shoes when
a bloke sidled up beside her.
"Like the shoes? I'll buy
them for you if you if you come
to bed with me."
"Okay. But be warned - I don't like sex very much."
He bought the silver shoes and
took her back to his hotel
where, once again, she emphasized
her lack of enthusiasm.
And, indeed, she just lay there
motionless not giving him
the slightest encouragement.
So much so that he was getting
bored himself.
Whereupon, she suddenly lifted
her legs high in the air and
shouted, "WOW!"
"I thought you didn't like sex!"
he said with mounting
excitement.
"I don't. But I just *love* these new silver shoes!"
\\\//
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Subj: Brothel
On Top Of A Mountain
THERE IS A MOUNTAIN WITH A BROTHEL
ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.
THERE IS ONE MAN GOING UP THE
MOUNTAIN, ANOTHER HALF WAY
DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, AND THE THIRD
INSIDE THE BROTHEL. WHAT
ARE THEIR NATIONALITIES?
THE GUY GOING UP THE MOUNTAIN
IS RUSSIAN, THE GUY COMING
DOWN THE MOUNTAIN IS FINNISH,
AND THE GUY INSIDE THE BROTHEL
IS HIMALAYAN!
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Whore Jokes
| Subj:
Price War (S483)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/13/2006 |
 |
Top
Subj: Cheap
Hooker Arrested (S280)
From: jerry on 6/12/2002
Italian police have arrested
Monica Isa, a prostitute,
because she charges too little,
thereby breaking
Italy's competition laws.
They claim she is low
balling clients to force other
prostitutes out of
business.
Ananova 23-May-02
Top
Subj: Two
Car Salesmen Talk In A Bar (S279b)
From: dogbyte on 6/1/2002
Two car salesmen were sitting
at the bar. One complained
to the other, "Boy, business
sucks. If I don't sell more
cars this month, I'm going to
lose my fucking ass."
Then he noticed a beautiful blonde
sitting two stools away.
Immediately, he apologized for
his bad language.
"That's okay," she said, "If
I don't sell more ass this
month, I'm going to lose my
fucking car."
Top
Subj: Cancer
Victim Gets Lade (S256b)
From: jerry on 12/27/2001
A 15 year-old boy in Sydney,
Australia, soon to die from
cancer, was given his final
wish -- that he not die a virgin.
A child psychologist gave the
approval for the boy to visit
a prostitute, which was paid
for by his friends. His parents
did not know about this.
"He was very, very happy - and
only slightly disappointed
that it was over so quickly,"
said the psychologist. He
acknowledged that what they
did was illegal but he said
nobody cared about the legality
of it all.
The boy died a few days later.
UK Sun 22-Dec-01
Top
Subj: HMO
Pays For Sex (S248)
From: jerry on 10/30/2001
A Dutch council is paying for
a 48-year-old disabled man,
Hennie van den Wittenboer, to
have sex with a prostitute
once a month, finally giving
in after a seven year battle.
Now Wittenboer says he is less
stressed and needs less
medication.
The council claimed that sex
wasn't part of the primary
needs of human beings, for those
of you who want to drive
your HMO nuts.
Brabants Dagblad.via Ananova
(UK) 27-Oct-01
Two prostitutes are standing
at a street corner when a cop
car drives past. One turns
to the other and ask, "Have
you ever been picked up by the
fuzz?" The second replies,
"No, but I have been swung around
by my tits once or
twice."
From: humorlist-digest V1 #178 on 97-08-22
Two car salesmen were sitting
at the bar. One complained to
the other, "Boy, business sucks.
If I don't sell more cars
this month, I'm going to lose
my fucking ass." Too late he
noticed a beautiful blonde sitting
two stools away.
Immediately, he apologized for
his bad language. "That's
okay," the blonde replied, "If
I don't sell more ass this
month, I'm going to lose my
fucking car."
From: BawdyNet Collage #whatever on
98-04-20
There's the story about the
man that walks into a house of
ill repute in Reno and says,
"I'll give $20,000 to any
woman here who'll come into
the desert with me and do it
MY way."
One of the ladies agrees, and
off they go driving into the
desert. After about an
hour she gets curious, and asks him
"Just what is your way?"
"On credit."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #171 on 98-07-10
Three women are standing on
the street corner. If one
of them is called a "ho", what
are the other 2 called?
Support "ho's".
From: RFSlick on 9/28/00 (S205)
Two hookers are standing on
the street corner. The first
hooker says, "I think it's going
to be busy tonight....I
can smell dick in the air".
The second hookers says "Sorry, that's me, I burped"
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/20/2001
(S242)
"There's no such thing as fun
for the whole family;
there are no massage parlors
with ice cream and free
jewelry." -- Jerry Seinfeld
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/27/2002 (S278b)
"Don't stay in bed, unless you
can make money in bed."
-- George Burns
(1896-1996)
Q: What do you call a hooker
working the highway exits?
A: A tollhouse cookie.
Q: What is the difference between
a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute stops screwing
you when you die.
From: BREWONETO on 98-02-16
Q: What do you call a prostitute
with a runny nose?
A: Full.
(S60)
Q: What's the difference between
a whore
and a crack dealer?
A: After turning a trick, a
whore can wash her crack
and use it again.
From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
Q: What do you call kids born
in whore houses?
A: Brothel sprouts.
From: RFSlick on 98-12-09
Q: What did the sign on the
door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.
From: icohen on 12/07/1999 (S149)
Q: If there were 4 potatoes
in a room,
which one would
be the prostitute?
A: The one that's labeled "IDAHO"
\\\//
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.
............................
.Two
Smileys Turn Out the Lignts from Smiliemania.da.
.