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Subj:     Shit Jokes
                 (Includes 24 jokes and articles, 24 1019,12,cf,wYT2a3,5)

          Click "Here" for Shit-Supp


Bart's Butt
from
Billy'S MovinG PictureS
Includes the following:  Scottish Colonoscopy - Video (S646 in Supp)
.........................The Hypnotist (S295, S536c in Supp)
.........................The 5-Second Rule! - Video (S555 in Supp)
.........................Having An Accident At A Restaurant (S526b in Supp)
.........................Home Is Where... - Sign (S1019 in Supp)
.........................Little Old Lady At Store (in Supp)
.........................Washington Crosses The Delaware (S242, S678b in Supp)
.........................Schitt Creek - Photo (S1012 in Supp)
.........................The Official List of Shit (S123 in Supp)
.........................More Official List Of Shit (S280 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Bumper Dumper - Photos/Video(S958)
.........................Shitting During Sex (S129b, S627c)
.........................Jack Schitt - Video (S479b)
.........................Interesting Word Origin (S346b, S801)
.........................Daughter's Poop Letter (S939)
.........................Atheist Talks To Little Girl On A Plane (S399, S803)
.........................Two Airplane Passengers Talk (S305, S555)
.........................Candorville Comic Strip (S999)
.........................Don't Poop On October 28 (S247, DU)
.........................Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work (S148, S444b)
.........................Randall McIlwaine Cartoon (DU)
.........................Fly Eats Cow Manure
.........................Shit Is A Powerful Word w/GIF (S65, S561b)
.........................How Shit Happens
.........................Calvin Obeys Mom - Comic Strip (S459b)
.........................Religious View Of Shit
.........................Short Shit Jokes
..............................Stool Sample (S772 in Supp)
..............................Septic Tank Truck Signs (S732 in Supp)
..............................The Acrobat - GIF (S600b in Supp)
..............................Shit And Two (S1003)
..............................Crappy Monday - Video (S578c in Supp)
..............................The Poop Song - Video (S576c in Supp)
..............................
..............................Political Promises (S515)
..............................What Really Matters - Picture (S443)
..............................Feeling Pooped - GIF (S456)
..............................The Picture Ice Cold Out House (S384b)
..............................Little Johnny Uses The Word Definitely (S298)

Also see ALLIGATORS   - 'Two Alligators Talk'
         ASIAN file   - 'Tongue Twister'
         BAR1 file    - 'Angry Man Comes Into Bar'
         BATHROOM file- 'How To Poop At Work:'
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'The History of Toilet Paper'
         BEARS file   - 'Camping Alert'
......................- 'Bear And Rabbit Take A Shit'
         BIRDS file   - 'Blue Bird Sings Inside Manure'
         BIRDS-DUCKS  - 'Ducks Covered With Crap'
         BROTHERS     - 'Two Brothers At Christmas'
         CARS1 file   - 'Lady Farts While Buying Expensive Car'
.........CARS-SUPP    - 'Honda Service Call' - Audio
.........DOCTOR2 file - 'Doctor's Advice For Premature Ejaculation'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Medical Students Diagnose Syndromes'
         DRINKINGBEER2- 'Orkney Beer From Cow Poop'
         DRINKING-SUPP- 'Drinking Water Vs Drinking Booz'
         ELEPHANT file- 'An Elephant's Medicine'
         FACTS2 file  - 'Smelling Poop At Taco Bell'
         FART file    - 'Fart Football'
......................- 'Kids are a Gas!'
         FOOD_ETC file- 'Dad's Brownies'
         FROG file    - 'Eagle Swallows Frog'
         GHOST file   - 'Drunk Walks Past Hospital'
         GOLF-SUPP    - 'Mother Goose And Grimm' - Cartoon
         HEAVEN2 file - 'Tom Woke-Up In Heaven'
         HOSPITAL1    - 'In An Accident'
         HUNTING/CAMP - 'Tourist Finds A Small Cabin'
         JOBS1 file   - 'The Plan'
.........JOBS2 file   - 'Lesson number two: The Turkey and the Bull'
......................- 'The Drugstore Clerk'
         JOBS-SUPP    - 'Job S.H.I.T.'
         JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Asking Applicants A Final Question'
         MONKEY file  - 'Monkey Poop Coffee'
         NATIVE AMERCN- 'Politician Visits Reservation'
......................- 'Making An Indian From A Pile Of Shit'
         PILOT file   - 'Plane Needs Latrine Pumped'
         PLANE-SUPP   - 'Aircraft Slams Into 4 Buildings'
         POLICE2 file - 'Man In Shootout With Police'
         PROGRAMMER   - 'Programmer And Engineer Bet On Plane'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Three Nationalities In A Sauna'
         SCHOOL1 file - 'First Graders Learn Grown-Up Words'
         SOLDIER2 file- 'British vs French Uniforms'
         SOLDIER-SUPP - 'Off-Base Housing'
         STATUES file - 'Two Statues Come Alive'
         THANKSGIVING - 'Learning Dirty Words On Thanksgiving'
         TREES file   - 'Pheasant Wants To Climb A Tree'
         WAITER-WAITRS- 'Waitress w/Thumb In The Food'
......................- 'Indian Carrying Shotgun And Manure Wants Coffee'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Bumper Dumper (S958d2)
          From: Cathy Lavezzo-Freitas on Facebook
 Source: http://www.idrive.kz/clubs/auto-gadgets/bamper-damper
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Click 'HERE' to see four more
.............Bumper Dumper photos.
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Photo from IMGBuddy.com
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Subj: The Jay Leno Show Real
......Olympic Products Segment
 At  http://www.bumperdumper.com/bumper2.htm

Click 'HERE' to see Jay Leno
......demonstrate the Bumper Dumper.

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Top
Subj:     Shitting During Sex (S129b, S627c)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #308 on 6/21/99
      and From: mrx on 5/17/2004

 A couple has been dating for three months, and the sex is
 getting dull.  One night they're lying in bed when the girl
 says, "Harry, want to try something new? It's very kinky."

 He says, "Sure."

 She says, "Stand over me and take a shit on me."

 He stands up, straddles her, squats a bit, and takes a dump
 on her chest.  She says, "Now lie in it on top of me and
 screw me."

 He lies on top of her, with the shit oozing between them,
 and she gives him the wildest hump he's ever had.

 The next time they're lying in bed, it's boring and she
 asks him to do it again.  He stands over her and grinds
 out a huge turd onto her chest.  Then he lies on her, and
 they have another incredible lay.

 As time goes on, Harry really gets into it.  He eats like
 a horse on the days before their dates, because it seems
 the more he craps on her, the better the sex is.

 One Thursday night, he has the runs, so on Friday morning
 he eats a few cheese sandwiches and downs a whole bottle
 of Kaopectate before he goes to work, so he won't wheedle
 down his legs at the office.  That night, he goes to her
 house, they go in the bedroom and get undressed, she lies
 on the bed, he stands over her, and squats down, and grunts,
 but nothing comes out.  He strains a bit, and grunts, and
 then llbbt!...a little fart...but nothing of any substance.
 For a few minutes, he's pushing and grunting, when suddenly
 he hears her crying.

 He says, "Honey, what's wrong?"

 She says, "You're seeing someone else, aren't you?"

Top
Subj:     Jack Schitt (S479b,d)
          Cartoon by Dave Ensign
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2006
 Source: (Removed from barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk)

 This video explains the complete history of Jack Shitt.
 Click 'HERE' to learn about Jack Shitt.

Top
Subj:     Interesting Word Origin (S346b, S801)
          From: JBCARY1 on 9/17/2003
      and From: virv on 5/21/2012
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/shit.asp

 In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be
 transported by ship.  It was also before the invention of
 commercial fertilizer, so large shipments of manure were
 common.  It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed
 a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it,
 it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation
 began again, of which a by-product is methane gas.

 As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see
 what could (and did) happen.  Methane began to build up
 below decks and the first time someone came below at night
 with a lantern, BOOOOM!

 Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was
 determined just what was happening.  After that, the bundles
 of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In
 Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high
 enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into
 the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the
 production of methane.

 Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through
 the centuries and is in use to this very day.

 ¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤

 Nice story, but it is only another Urban Legend as verified
 by Snopes.com at
 http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/shit.asp

Top
Subj:     Daughter's Poop Letter (S939)
          From: Ava Schauer on Facebook
 Source: http://imgur.com/gbncgKv
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Top
Subj:     Atheist Talks To Little Girl On A Plane (S399, S803)
          From: DoctorDebt on 9/6/2004
      and From: virv on 5/31/2012

 (Also see 'Two Airplane Passengers Talk' below)

 An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane
 and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk?
 Flights go quicker if  you strike up  a conversation with
 your fellow passenger."

 The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
 replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to
 talk about?"

 "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist, "How about why there
 is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?"
 as he smiled smugly.

 "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let
 me ask you a question first.  A horse, a cow and a deer all
 eat the same stuff - grass.  Yet a deer excretes little
 pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse
 produces clumps.  Why do you suppose that is?"

 The  atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
 intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no
 idea."

 To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel
 qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or
 Hell, or no life after death,  when you don't know shit?"

 And then she went back to reading her book.

Top
Subj:     Two Airplane Passengers Talk (S305, S555)
          From: mjsl on 12/3/2002
      and From: SCOTCOB on 9/7/2007

 (See 'Programmer And Engineer Bet On Plane' in PROGRAMMER file
  and 'Atheist Talks To Little Girl On A Plane' above)

 A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane
 when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk.  I've
 heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation
 with your fellow passenger."

 The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it
 slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to
 talk about?"

 Oh, I don't know", said the stranger, "How about nuclear
 power?"

 "OK," she said.  "That could be an interesting topic.  But
 let me ask you a question first.  A horse, a cow, and a
 deer all eat grass, the same stuff.  Yet a deer excretes
 little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,and a
 horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
 that is?"

 The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
 

 To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel
 qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

Top
Subj:     Candorville Comic Strip (S999)
          By Darrin Bell on 2/29/2016
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/candorville/2016/02/29
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Top
Subj:     Don't Poop On October 28 (S247, DU)
          From: Anaise on 10/24/2001

 Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th.  CIA intelligence
 reports that a major plot is planned for that day.  Anyone
 who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by
 an alligator.  Reports indicate that organized groups of
 alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting
 American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing
 their dirty business.

 I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this
 information from a reliable source.  It came from a friend
 of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother
 knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband
 buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a a shoeshine guy who
 shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend
 who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker
 who works in the CIA building.  He apparently overheard
 two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came
 to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.  So it
 must be true.

Top
Subj:     Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work (S148, S444b)
          From: DVR on 12/03/1999
      and From: chicababe1978 on 7/23/2005

 We've all been there but don't like to admit it.  We've all
 kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a
 brew down below.

 As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is
 inevitable.  For those of you who hate pooping at work as
 much as I do, I give you the.........  Survival Guide for
 Taking a Dump at Work.

 Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become
 a pure pleasure.
 

 CROP DUSTING
 Definition: When farting, you walk briskly around the
 office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else
 gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from.  Be
 careful when you do this.  Do not stop until the full fart
 has been expelled.  Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
 smell has left your pants.

 ESCAPEE
 Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at
 the urinal or forcing poop in a stall.  This is usually
 accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment.  This
 is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an
 unseen police car and speeding.  If you release an escapee,
 do not acknowledge it.  Pretend it did not happen.  If you
 are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that
 you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncom-
 fortable for all involved.  Making a joke or laughing makes
 both parties feel uneasy.

 JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
 Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a
 machine guns pace.  This is usually a side effect of diar-
 rhea or a hangover.  If this should happen do not panic,
 remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom
 so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

 COURTESY FLUSH
 Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
 nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is
 whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the
 amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
 This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

 WALK OF SHAME
 Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
 after you have just stunk-up the bathroom.  This can be a
 very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.
 As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does
 not exist.  Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

 OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
 Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud
 of it.  You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter
 the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm.
 Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper
 before entering the bathroom.

 THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
 Definition:  A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
 emergency pooping goes off without incident.  This group can
 help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET
 POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

 SAFE HAVEN
 Definition:   A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
 where you can least expect visitors.  Try floors that are
 predominantly of the opposite sex.  This will reduce the odds
 of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

 TURD BURGLAR
 Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the
 stall and tries to force the door open.  This is one of the
 most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking
 a dump at work.  If this occurs, remain in the stall until
 the TURD BURGLAR leaves.  This way you will avoid all
 uncomfortable eye contact.

 CAMO-COUGH
 Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into
 the bathroom that you are in a stall.  This can be used to
 cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.
 Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

 ASTAIRE
 Definition:  A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
 TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall.  This will
 remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.  If you hear an
 ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
 poop in peace.

 WATERMELON
 Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting
 the toilet water.  This is also an embarrassing incident.
 If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion.
 See CAMO-COUGH.

 HAVANA OMELET
 Definition:  A load of diarrhea that creates a series of
 loud splashes in the toilet water.  Often accompanied by
 an escapee.  Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

 UNCLE TED
 Definition:  A bathroom user who seems to linger around
 forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of
 the mirror or sitting on the pot.  An UNCLE TED makes it
 difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
 always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.
 This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

 FLY BY
 Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before
 pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers.  If there are
 others in the bathroom, leave and come back again.  Be
 careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.  People may become
 suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
 bathroom.

 CRACK WHORE
 Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a
 Greyhound Bus.  Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include
 pubes, piss stains and shit streaks.  Avoid a CRACK WHORES
 at all cost.  Try finding out when the janitor cleans each
 particular bathroom.  Don't forget with a good cleaning, a
 CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.

Top
Subj:     Randall McIlwaine Cartoon (DU)
          Artist: Randall McIlwaine on Aug. 14,2015
          From: Teena Ferris Miller on Facebook
 Source: http://www.commonsenseevaluation.com/2015/08/14/
.........cartoon-of-the-day-holy/#sthash.Djolp7PL.dpbs
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Top
Subj:     Fly Eats Cow Manure
          From: RFSlick on 98-05-13

 (Also see 'Fly Story' in Bugs-Etc)

 There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he
 happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact
 that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down
 and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate.

 Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly
 away.  He had eaten too much though, and could not get
 off the ground.  As he looked around wondering what to
 do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall.

 He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking
 that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight.
 Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock,
 splatting when he hit the ground.

 The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when
 you're full of shit.

Top
Subj:     Shit Is A Powerful Word, A "George Carlin-esque"
          essay: (S65, S561b)
          From: RFSlick on 6/3/2003
      and From: SCOTCOB on 10/15/2007

 (See 'FUCK! Our Most Versital Word' in FUCK)

 Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts
 and ideas you can communicate with it.  Shit may just be
 the most powerful word in the English language.

 Consider: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or
 have shit for brains.  With a little effort you can get
 your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide
 to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit,
 sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell
 others to eat shit and die.

 You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit
 your life away.  People can be shit headed, shit brained,
 shit blinded, and shit over.  Some people know their shit
 while others can't tell the difference between shit and
 shineola.

 There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet
shits.  There is bull shit, dog shit, cat shit,
bird shit, whale shit, rat shit, and horse shit.
There is tough shit, hard shit, soft shit, slimy
shit, rough shit, limp shit.  You can shit a
blue streak, shit bricks, shit pink twinkies,
 shit marbles, or shit your guts out. (GIF from tom on 6/30/2008)
 

 You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when
 the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit,
 keep shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself
 in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.

 Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than
 shit, and some days are just plane shitty.  There is funny
 shit and sad shit, bad shit and good shit.  Some shit does-
 n't stink while other things really smell like shit.

 Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit,
 and there are times when you feel like shit.  You can be
 faster than shit or you can be slower than shit.  Sometimes
 you'll find shit on a stick, sometimes you'll find shit
 everywhere, and then there are times when you can't find
 shit at all.  You can have too much shit, not enough shit,
 the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit..

 You can carry shit in a bucket, put shit in a barrel, have
 a pile of shit, have a mountain of shit, have a river of
 shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
 You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit or jump shit,
 and some people just can't cut the shit.

 There is fun shit and dull shit, silly shit and serious
 shit.  Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes
 you don't want any shit at all.  You can stir shit, kick
 shit or stick your ass out the window and shit on the
 world.  Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and
 other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out
 smelling like a rose.

 Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the
 basic building block of creation. This means the universe
 did not begin with a BIG BANG but rather with a BIG DUMP.
 Keep that in mind the next time you flush the toilet.
 And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to
 know anything else.

Top
Subj:     How Shit Happens
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

                    In the beginning, there was the plan.
                       And then came the assumptions.
                    And the assumptions were without form.
                And the plan was completely without substance.
                    The employees told their supervisors:
                    "It's a crock of shit and it stinks!"
               The supervisors then told the department heads:
            "It's a pail of dung, and none may abide by the odor."
      The department heads then told the managers: "It's a container of
        excrement, and it is very strong such that none may smell it."
                    The managers then told the director:
     "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength."
                       The director then told the VP:
     "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
                       The VP told the Executive-VP:
                "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
                    The Executive-VP told the President:
 "It is very strong and will promote growth and efficiency of the system."
               And the President reviewed the plan, and said:
                             "This is good."
                        And the plan became policy.
                        And this is how shit happens.

Top
Subj:     Calvin Obeys Mom - Comic Strip (S459b)
          Created by Bill Watterson
          From: darrell94590 on 11/10/2005
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes
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Top
Subj:     Religious View Of Shit
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/29/97

 (Also see 'Religious Shit' in RELIGION1)

 TAOISM:                 Shit Happens
 CONFUCIANISM:           Confuscious says,"Shit Happens"
 BUDDHISM:               If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
 ZEN:                    What is the sound of shit happening?
 HINDUISM:               This shit happened before
 BONZAI BOZOISM:         Make shit happen.. OH SHIT!!
 ISLAM:                  If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
 PROTESTANTISM:          Let shit happen to someone else.
 CATHOLICISM:            If shit happens, you deserve it.
 JUDAISM:                Why does this shit always happen to us?
 ATHEISM:                I don't believe this shit.
 AGNOSTICISM:            What is this shit?
 SHINTOISM:              Everything except Japan is Shit.
 EXISTENTIAL:            I shit, therefore I sit.
 MINIMALIST:             Shit
 VEGETARIAN:             Don't eat that shit!
 DEJA VU:                I've been through this shit before.
 LAO-TZU:                It is utterly pointless to try
                         to explain shit.
 GERTRUDE STEIN:         A shit is a shit is a shit.
 BUSH:                   A thousand points of shit.
 SOVIET UNION:           That shit just didn't work.
 CASTRO:                 We have to make this shit work somehow.
 EASTERN ORTHODOX:       Rome doesn't know shit.
 SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST:  Shit happens everyday but Saturday.
 UNITARIAN:              Shit is all basically the same.
 HOLISTIC:               There's more shit here than I figured on.
 JEHOVAH'S WITNESS:      Want to buy a subscription to our Shit?
 CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST:    If Shit happens, don't worry. It will
                         go away on its own.
 JAINISM:                When Shit happens don't step in it.
 CALVINISM:              If you're not saved, tough Shit.
 BORN AGAIN:             Shit happens but I am saved.
 SCIENTOLOGY:            This Shit is expensive.
 NEW AGE:                Crystal power counteracts Shit.
 JESUITISM:              If Shit happens and no one hears it,
                         did it really make a sound?
 HARE KRISHNA:           Shit happens, Rama, Rama.
 SATANISM:               Shit rules!
 STOICISM:               So Shit happens, Big deal.
                         I can take it.
 HEDONISM:               When Shit happens, enjoy it!
 RASTAFARIANISM:         Let's smoke this Shit.
 CLINTONISM:             Just don't inhale that Shit.
 NATIVE AMERICAN CHURCH: We want our Shit back!
 RLDS:                   Brigham is full of Shit.
 MORMONISM:              It's evil to say "Shit."
 DEMOCRATISM:            How can we send a man to the moon
                         and still have all this shit?
 REPUBLICANISM:          There's nothing like a good shit.
                         Flush the toilet.
 FEMINISM:               Put the seat back down, you Shit.
 SECULAR HUMANISM:       Shit evolves.
 FUNDAMENTALISM:         Born-again shit.
 EVANGELISM:             Shit happens. (Pass it on.)
 EPISCOPALIAN:           Fecal matter occurs.
 JIM JONESISM:           If shit happens, drink Kool-Aid.

Top
Subj:     Short Shit Jokes

Top
Subj:     Political Promises (S515)
          From: gordonschuk on 11/30/06
 Very cute but real sign on the back of a truck.
 To view it, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     What Really Matters (S443)
..........From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/15/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Subj:     Feeling Pooped (S456 in Kids3)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 10/14/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view this animated GIF, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Picture Ice Cold Out House (S384b)
          From: DafterLafter on 05 April 2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     Little Johnny Uses The Word Definitely (S298)
          From: flovilla on 10/13/2002
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 A  nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can
 use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

 First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

 The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray,
 black or orange."

 A little boy says, "Trees are definitely green!"

 "Sorry, but in the autumn, many trees are brown."

 Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and
 asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

 The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!"

 "OK. Then I definitely shit my pants."
 

 Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking
 females.  One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile cow shit
 and dives down toward her.  "Pardon me" he asks, turning on
 his best charm, "but is this stool taken?" (S510b)

 What time is it when you have three lawyers
    buried up to their necks in shit?
 Time to get more shit.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/30/2001 (S239)
 "Always look out for number one, and be careful not
 to step in number two."   -- Rodney Dangerfield

From: joke-of-the-day.com on 5/14/2003 (S328)
 The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and
 Everything is...Four day work week, two ply toilet paper!"
   -- Anonymous

 Q: What's the difference between humor and odor?
 A: Humor is a shift of wit.

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.............................Shit hits the Fan from Smiley_Central.
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