Source: http://www.orlandogolfblogger.com/2010/07/27/
........golf-humor-actual-calls-to-a-public-golf-course/
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Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    What are your green fees? 
Staff:     38 dollars. 
Caller:    Does that include golf? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, I need to get some information from you.
           First, is this your correct phone  number? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from  Friday.   
           What's the weather going to be like that day? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but
           I'm  running late.  Can you still get me out early? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:    Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can
           buy a bucket of golf balls and hit  them for practice? 
Staff:     You mean a driving range? 
Caller:    No, that's not it. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:    Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between
           12 o'clock and noon. 
Staff:     Between 12 o'clock and  noon? 
Caller:    Yes. 
Staff:     We'll try to squeeze you  in. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:    Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock? 
Staff:     Yes, we have one at 10:15. 
Caller:    What's the next time after that? 
Staff:     We have one at 10:22. 
Caller:    We'll take that one.  It will be a bit warmer.   
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    How much to play golf today? 
Staff:     25 to walk, 38 with a cart. 
Caller:    38 dollars? 
Staff:     No, 38 yen. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    What do you have for tee times tomorrow? 
Staff:     What time would you like? 
Caller:    What times do you have? 
Staff:     What time of the day? 
Caller:    Any time. 
Staff:     Morning or afternoon? 
Caller:    Whenever. 
Staff:     We have 16 times open in the morning and
           20 open in the afternoon.  Would you like
           me to read the whole list? 
Caller:    No, I don't think any of those times will work for me. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Do you have a dress code? 
Staff:     Yes, we do.  We require soft spikes. 
Caller:    How about clothes? 
Staff:     Yes, you have to wear  clothes. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:    Yes, do you have a driving range there? 
Staff:     Yes. 
Caller:    How much for a bucket of large balls? 
Staff:     Sorry, we're all out of large balls.  But we can
           give you twice as many small balls for the same price. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:    Can I get a tee time for tomorrow? 
Staff:     Sure, what time would you like? 
Caller:    Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock.
           In the morning, if possible. 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:    Do you rent golf clubs there? 
Staff:     Yes, they're 25 dollars. 
Caller:    How much to rent a bag? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone
           and told me he's on the 15th hole.  How many more
           holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, do you have a driving range there? 
Staff:     Yes. 
Caller:    How much for a large bucket? 
Staff:     Four dollars. 
Caller:    Does that include the balls? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Do you have a twilight rate? 
Staff:     Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock. 
Caller:    And what time does that start? 
 
Staff:     Golf course, may I help  you? 
Caller:    Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course. 
Staff:     OK, what would you like to know? 
Caller:    I don't know, that's why I  called. 
 
Staff:    Golf course, may I help you? 
Caller:   My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls
          and said they stole them from your driving range.
          Would you like to buy them back?