Subj: Basketball Jokes
(Includes 34 jokes and articles, 15844n,10,cf,md4,9)
Basketball Player from
Also see BICYCLE file - 'Halftime
Acrobatic Woman At A Basketball Game' - Movie
GENIE file - 'Dennis Rodman Finds A Bottle'
KIDS2 file - 'Losing A Contact Lens In Basketball'
MUSIC-SUPP2 - '7-Year-Old Sings The National Anthem'
OTHER SPORTS - 'Kings Firecrackers'
......................- 'Ball Control'
POLITICAL-SUP- 'NBA OR NFL?'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Three Nuts At The Insane Asylum'
QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
TATTOOS file - 'Basketball Player With Tattoos'
THOUGHTS-KIDS- 'The Failure List'
NBA Christmas Carol By Dribbling (S828d)
From: Wimp.com on 1/26/2012
Photo from YouTube.com
NBA players create a Christmas
carol by dribbling
basketballs in rhythm. Click on either source, or
'HERE' for my copy, to see and hear this carol.
Crazy Free Throw by
.............Idaho State's Kamil Gawrzydek (S728d)
By Jeff Eisenberg on 12/23/2010
Idaho State player Kamil Gawrzydek's
free throw sits balanced
on the front of the rim at the 2010 Gossner's Invitational vs.
Utah State University. Click on either source, or 'HERE' for
my copy, to see this amazing basketball shot.
Pepsi MAX & Kyrie Irving Present: "Uncle Drew" (S802d)
From: Wimp.com on 5/24/2012
Photo from YouTube.com
Pepsi MAX went to a pick-up game
in Bloomfield, NJ pretending
to shoot a documentary on a basketball player named "Kevin."
When his Uncle Drew came into the game, some magical things
happened. Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
to see this great basketball spoof.
Subj: Teacher Is A Big Laker Fan (S680b)
From: sam.hutkins on 1/26/2010
A Kindergarten teacher tells
her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.
She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're
Lakers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and
says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Josh.
The teacher looks at Josh and says, "Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?"
He says, "Nope, I'm a Sacramento Kings fan!"
She says, "Well why are you a
Sacramento Kings fan and not a
Josh says, "Well, my mom is a
Sacramento Kings fan, and my dad
is a Sacramento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacramento Kings fan."
The teacher's not real happy.
She's a little hot under the
collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads
a moron, then what would you be?!"
Josh says, "Then I'd be a Laker fan!"
The World's Longest Basketball Shot
From: Mail Online on 9/25/2008 (S664d)
Photo from Mail Online...
The video shows six students
at Texas A&M University in
America who have come together to form a group called
'Dude Perfect' - quickly becoming yet another internet
legend. Their latest videos, posted on YouTube on
September 17, shows one of the 'Dudes' making a jaw-
dropping shot from the third deck of the Texas A&M
football stadium. The two videos - one taken from the
third deck, one taken from down by the net - both show
the ball clearly arcing through the air before smoothly
Computer experts called in to
examine previous videos
have told American media that they cannot see where any
edits may have been made.
Click on the above source, or
for my copy, to see
these three fun videos.
Subj: Father Sues High School Basketball Coach (S254b)
From: agrief on 12/12/2001
UNION CITY, Calif. -- The father
of a high school sophomore
is seeking $1.5 million in damages and the dismissal of the
school's basketball coach after his son did not get a spot
on the varsity team.
Lynn Rubin sued the New Haven
Unified School District on Nov.
27 because his son, Jawaan Rubin, was told to return to the
junior varsity team after being asked to try out for varsity.
The family already had rearranged
its schedules to accommodate
the varsity team's practice times, the suit said.
Coach Blake Chong, who cited
a policy limiting sophomores to
junior varsity when he cut Jawaan Rubin, did not consult with
the parents before cutting the boy, according to the suit.
Chong refused to comment Monday.
After the player confronted the
coach about the decision, he
was dropped from the junior varsity team, the suit said.
Rubin, whose older son, Janou,
starred under Chong at Logan
High School and is a sophomore guard at UCLA, said he
calculated the damages based on potential wages lost from
his son's possible professional basketball career.
The "Autistic" Basketball Player (S578c)
From: bud32252 on 2/16/2008 (in Handicapped-Supp)
Subj: NBA Players Need Your Support!
From: JOELFALLON on 98-11-22
With an NBA player's strike against
the team owners, now is
the time for us to show the world just how much we care. It
is just not right. Hundreds of basketball players in our
very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure
salary line. And as if that weren't bad enough, they will
be deprived of pay for several weeks-possibly a whole year!
Now you can help! For about
two thousand dollars a day -
that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV -
you can help keep a basketball player economically viable
during his time of need. Two thousand dollars a day may not
seem like a lot of money to you, but to a basketball player
it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing
in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, two thousand
dollars is nothing more than two or three months rent or
mortgage payments. But to a basketball player, two thousand
dollars a day will almost replace his salary.
Your commitment of two thousand
dollars a day will enable a
player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the
year old Lexus for a new Ferrari, enjoy a weekend in Rio,
and pay his lawyer fees to fight child support payments.
"HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"
Each month, you will receive
a complete financial report on
the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his
stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate and other investment
holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get
information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump
sum he will receive upon retirement.
"HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING"
Your basketball player will be
told that he has a SPECIAL
FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although
the player won't know your name, he will be able to make
collect calls to your home via a special operator just in
case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.
Simply fill out the form below.
YES, I want to help! I
would like to sponsor a striking
NBA basketball player.
My preference is checked below:
[ ] Starter
[ ] Reserve
[ ] Star*
[ ] Superstar**
[ ] Entire team***
[ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need.
[ ] Please select one for me.
* Higher cost
** Much higher cost
*** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team. (Does not include cheerleaders)
Please charge the account listed
below $2,054.79 per day
for reserve or starter for the duration of the strike.
Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored,
along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players
Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel.
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American
[ ] Discover Card [ ] Diner's Club
Your Name: __________________________
Telephone Number: _____________________
Account Number: _______________________ Exp. Date:______
Mail completed form to NBA Players
Association or call
1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone (Children under 18
must have parent's approval)
Note: Sponsors are not permitted
to contact the player
they have sponsored, either in person or by other means
including, but not limited to, telephone calls, letters,
e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that the basketball
player you have sponsored will be much to busy making shoe
commercials and enjoying his free time thanks to your
generous donations. Oh yes, contributions are not tax
Vince Carter's Dunk (S546b,d)
This 700 KB movie is Vince Carter's
dunk during the
All Start Basketball game. You can see this super
athletic demonstration at the source above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Short Basketball Jokes
Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S817)
By Charles M. Schulz
From: News.Yahoo.com on 3/18/2012
Subj: Kobe Bryant Weight Loss (S350)
From: samhutkins on 10/9/2003
Since his indictment, Kobe Bryant has lost 15 pounds.
Seems when he calls Room Service, nobody comes....
Amazing Basketball Pass And Shot (S688b,d)
Subj: Too Big Of A House Test (S293b)
From: jerry on 9/11/2002
How can you tell that you went overboard and made your
house too big? When you need a search party to find
your 4-year-old daughter who is somewhere in the house.
Atlanta Hawk's player, Theo Ratliff
[The Atlanta Hawks
are a basketball team], after being unable to locate his
4-year-old daughter for over an hour within his new
15,000 square-foot home, had to form a search party to
go through the house to find her. She was eventually
found napping in a guestroom.
He was warned in advance.
One of his friends says, "I
told him he was going to lose babies in a house that big."
(Atlanta, Georgia) 10-Sep-02
HalfTime Basketball Creighton
University Omaha Neb (S611c,d)
From: tom on 9/26/2008
Subj: The 3 Rs And Basketball (S256b)
From: jerry on 12/27/2001
Not one basketball team member on the Western Illinois
University had noticed, for several games, and after
appearing in uniform in their media guide, and then not
until someone pointed it out to them, that "Illinois,"
emblazoned across their white home team tops, was
Ananova (UK) 21-Dec-01
Veniamin on America's Got Talent (S611c,d)
From: http://www.break.com/veniamin on 9/27/2008
Photo from Google.com
Subj: Computer Experience Not Required (S241)
From: bonehead on 9/9/2001
Writer Jack McCallum of Sports Illustrated told CNN about
a time, back in 1988, when he walked into his Los Angeles
hotel room and found Boston Celtic's Carren Daye trying to
insert his bare foot into his computer.
Turns out Daye was in the wrong
room, expecting instead to
be in a teammate's room, who had told him to come up and
try out his ''foot sensory machine.''
Adopted from the Steve Harvey
column in the Los Angeles Times.
Subj: Great Athletic Quotes (S114, S577b)
From: RFSlick on 3/14/99
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack
"I've won at every level, except college and pro."
1992- Pat Williams, Orlando Magic
general manager, on his
team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win
on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out
where else to play."
1982 - Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina
State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if
I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz
president, on a former player:
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or
apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "
"Are you any relation to your
brother Marv?" -- Leon Wood,
New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert, Nets TV commentator.
From: RFSlick on 5/31/99
Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon
during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the
names of the clubs that we went to."
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general
manager, on his team's
7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the
road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where
else to play." (1992)
A true Bobby Knight story recalled
as best as can be
remembered from the "Morning Briefing" section of the
In the '80 Olympics, the U.S.
basketball team, coached by
Bobby Knight, played and beat the Chinese team handily.
When asked about the win, Bobby said, "It was a lot of fun
playing the Chinese, but an hour later, we wanted to play
"He's great on the court," a
sportswriter said of a college
basketball player in a interview with his coach. "But's
how's his scholastic work?"
"Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.
"Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.
"Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."
No, but they gave one to me anyway.
- L.A. Lakers rookie
Elden Campbell when asked if he earned a degree at Clemson
From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
* Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than
all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
From: ossama on 3/22/99 (S113)
Of course, the big story continues to be that bizarre
creature with the purple jumpsuit, carries a purse, the
weird head gear... some say he's gay... some say he's
straight... you know who I'm talking about... Dennis Rodman.
At his news conference announcing his joining the Lakers...
was he crying? There's no crying in basketball! THERE'S NO
CRYING IN BASKETBALL!!! (Leno)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/11/2002
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They
don't want their team to be associated with crime. From
now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
-- Jay Leno
From: KMACINTY on 8/13/2002 (S289b)
Ron Atkinson, "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it - you can see it all over their faces."
"I've never had major knee surgery
on any other part of
my body." -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky
"We're going to turn this team
around 360 degrees."
-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2005
(S432b - movies)
My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth
certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra
fifty cents that the adults had to pay.
Q: How many NCAA basketball players
does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit
hours for it.
Q: Why did the chicken cross
the basketball court?
A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.
From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
Q: What do you get when you cross Michael Jordan and
A: Six more weeks of basketball.
From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
...........................Smileys playing basketball from Smiley_Central.