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Subj:     Fishing1 Jokes
                 (Includes 31 jokes and articles, 22 1032,14,cf,wXT2a4,9)

Smoking Salmon
from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  Herman Cartoon (S804)
.........................Game Warden Catches Two Guys (S514, S745)
.........................Bait Like a Master - First Time - Video (S891)
.........................Mexican Fisherman Meets MBA (S120, S832)
.........................The One That Got Away - Animated GIF (S906)
.........................Drunk Goes Ice Fishing(S185, S624)
.........................Fishing Tips - Commercial (S458b)
.........................Ole Won A Fishing Boat (S823)
.........................Big Catch Animation (S859)
.........................Newfoundland Night Fishing (S159, DU)
.........................No Fishing Sign - Video (S1032)
.........................Fisherman And His Two Sons (S130, DU)
.........................Incredible Fishing Video (S608b)
.........................Couple's Vacation At The Lake (S90, S628b)
.........................Fishing Boat and Plane Almost Collide (S623b, S823)
.........................Blind Fishing Salesman (S80, S345b)
.........................Fishing Rod (S18, S770)
.........................That's A Big One - Picture (S404b)
.........................Fisherman Takes Two Sons Fishing (S283, DU)
.........................Fishy Story (S177, S514c)
.........................Twin Brothers Each Have A Loss (S514b)
.........................Ribleys - Believe It Or Not (S616c)
.........................Three Fishermen Catch Mermaid (S65, DU)
.........................Blondie Sunday Comic Strip (S657b)
.........................Ice Fishing (DU)
.........................Why Men Fish (S522b)
.........................Fish Eats Dog (DU)
.........................Talking To Fish (DU)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (S658)
.........................Wet Dream (S38, DU)
.........................Piglet's Fishing Trip (S667b)

Also see ALLIGATOR    - 'Alligator Shoes'
         ANIMALS,OTHER- 'Two Whales And A Fishing Boat'
         ASIAN file   - 'Shrimp For Japanese Water Plant'
         BALLS file   - 'Lobsters In The Pants'
         BANKING file - 'Banker Goes Fishing'
         DOG1 file    - 'Pickles Sunday Comic Strip'
         ELDERLY1 file- 'Fred And Edith Go For A Boat Ride'
         FOOD ETC     - 'Eating Fish Heads'
         FROG file    - 'Freak Accident After Frog Fishing'
         GAMES file   - 'Fishy...'
         GAYS file    - 'Gay Marriage'
         GENIE file   - 'Minnesota Fishing Genie'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'Guessing Baby's Weight'
         HUNTING file - 'Duck Hunter Wants Sex'
         IRISH2 file  - 'Puddle Fishing'
         JOB-STUFF    - 'Wanna Buy A Fish Hook?'
         KID2 file    - 'Son Asks Questions During Fishing'
......................- 'Grandfather And Kid Go Fishing'
         MANNERS file - 'Bass Fisherman Writes Dear Abby'
         MARRIAGE3    - 'Husband Meets A Bum'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'Woman's Lover Is Husband's Best Friend'
         MARRIAGE6    - 'The Dangers of Divorcing A Cunning Wife'
         MATH4C-SUPP2 - 'Puzzle - Fighting Fishes Of Siam'
         NATIONAL-STTS- 'Kansas Tourism Council Bulletin:'
         NATIVE-AMERIC- 'Edison Visits An Indian Reservation'
         POLICE2 file - 'Cop Stops Lawyer With Fish'
......................- 'CHP Ticket One Of Several Speeders'
         PRIEST1 file - 'Priest, Bishop And Evangelist Fish'
......................- 'Priest Goes Fishing'
         RIDDLE-SUPP  - 'A What Am I Riddle #33'
.........SHERLOCKHOLMS- 'Sherlock Holmes Riddle'
         SHIPS file   - 'Elderly Couple On A Cruse Ship'
         TEAR JERJER1 - 'Awful-Looking Old Man Knocks At The Door'
         WORD JOKES2  - 'Man Looses His Wallet While Fishing'

============================================================Top
Subj:.....Herman Cartoon (S804)
          By Jim Unger on 6/2/2012
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2012/06/02
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Top
Subj:     Game Warden Catches Two Guys (S514, S745)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 4/23/2011

 A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond
 off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game
 warden!   Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down
 and started running through the woods like a bat out of
 hell and hot on his heels came the game warden.  After about
 a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands
 on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally
 caught up to him.

 "Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped.

 With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game
 warden a valid fishing license.

 "Well, son," said the Game Warden.  "You must be about as
 dumb as a box of rocks!  You don't have to run from me if
 you have a valid license!"

 "Yes sir," replied the young feller.  "But my friend back
 there, well, he don't have one..."

Top
Subj:     Bait Like a Master - First Time
          Created by DMF Bait (S891d)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/PXvMb808wk4

 The following video contains no nudity or foul language.
 It does include adult humor and lumbricus terrestris
 in this commercial for DMF Bait Co.  Click 'HERE' to see
 this very suggestive ad.

Top
Subj:     Mexican Fisherman Meets MBA (S120, S832)
          From: mbucher on 5/20/99
      and From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 11/8/2005
 (See 'Benny The Beach Bum Comic Strip' in Other Occupations-Supp2)

 The American investment banker was at the pier of a small
 coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one
 fisherman docked.  Inside the small boat were several
 large yellow fin tuna.  The American complimented the
 Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it
 took to catch them.

 The Mexican replied, only a little while.

 The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and
 catch more fish?

 The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's
 immediate needs.

 The American then asked, "but what do you do with the rest
 of your time?"

 The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little,
 play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria,
 stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and
 play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

 The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help
 you.  You should spend more time fishing and with the
 proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the
 bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you
 would have a fleet of fishing boats.

 Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would
 sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your
 own cannery.  You would control the product, processing
 and distribution.  You would need to leave this small
 coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then
 LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding
 enterprise."

 The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this
 all take?"

 To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

 "But what then?"

 The American laughed and said that's the best part.
 "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and
 sell your company stock to the public and become very
 rich, you would make millions."

 "Millions..  Then what?"

 The American said, "Then you would retire.  Move to a
 small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late,
 fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your
 wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you
 could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Top
Subj:     The One That Got Away (S906)
          From: Mashable
 Source: http://imgur.com/n239bde
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Top
Subj:     Drunk Goes Ice Fishing (S185, S624)
          From: TheBartend on 97-07-13 and 3/2/2004
      and From: KMACINTY on 08/14/2000

 A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear
 and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice.
 He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.
 All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky.

 "You will find no fish under that ice."

 The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing
 again.  Once more, the voice speaks.

 "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."

 The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a
 single soul.  He picks up the saw and tries one more time to
 finish.  Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice
 interrupts.

 "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"

 The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks
 the voice, "How do you know there are no fish?  Are you God
 trying to warn me?"

 "No", the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."

Top
Subj:     Fishing Tips - Commercial (S458b,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/2/2005
..........At: http://www.youtube.com/embed/JDIBmTtT3Ro

 Click 'HERE', to see this silly, short McDonald's
 commercial about fishing.

Top
Subj:     Ole Won A Fishing Boat (S823)
          From: virv on 10/18/2012

 Ole won a fishing boat in a raffle drawing in a small upstate
 Minnesota town.  He brought it home and Lena looks at him and
 says, "Vot da heck you gonna do vit dat. Dere ain't no water
 deep enough ta float a boat widin 50 miles uv here."

 Ole says, "I vun it and I'ma gonna keep it."

 Sven came over to visit several days later.  He sees Lena and
 asks where Ole is.  She says, "He's out dere in his fishin
 boat," pointing to the field behind the house.

 Sven heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting
 in a fishing boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the
 middle of a big field.  He yells out to him, "Vot da heck are
 you doing out dere?"

 Ole replies, "I'ma fishin'. Vot da heck duz it look like I'ma
 doing?"

 Sven yells back, "It'sa people lika you that give people from
 Norvay a bad name; make everybody tink we are stoopid.  If I
 cud svim, I'd come out dere and kick yor ass."

Top
Subj:     Big Catch Animation (S859d)
          Director and CG artist Moles Merlo
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Yzzmop7ae0I

 In this cute HD animation short, a fisherman walks to the
 end of the fishing pier, drops his line in the water, and
 hopes for the catch of a life time.  Click on 'HERE' to see
 this short, cute, fishing video.

Top
Subj:     Newfoundland Night Fishing (S159, DU)
          From: smiles on 02/15/2000

 Off the coast of Newfoundland, a great many fishermen do their
 fishing at night.  They navigate solely by the light of the
 moon, scorning more sophisticated methods.  Of course, from
 time to time this method fails, and shipwrecks are the result.

 The Department of Fisheries was reviewing statistics one day,
 and was shocked to discover how many shipwrecks there were
 during night fishing.  When they discovered that the fishermen
 were navigating by the light of the moon, they promptly
 installed buoys near all the dangerous shoals and reefs to aid
 night navigation.  To their surprise, when the statistics came
 in the following month, the shipwrecks had tripled!  The buoys
 were removed, and things returned to normal. The moral of the
 story...

 You can't send a bouy to do a moon's job!

Top
Subj:     No Fishing Sign (S1032)
          From: Michael Lagrimas on 10/19/2016
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/ijsvogels.nl/
.........videos/1773246196282658/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED
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.......
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this video of a Azure
.............Kingfisher sitting on a "No Fishing"
.............Sign. You will like this 28 sec video.
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Top
Subj:     Fisherman And His Two Sons (S130, DU)
          From: RFSlick on 7/29/99

 One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her
 husband with twin sons.  They loved the children very much,
 but couldn't think of what to name their children.  Finally,
 after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on
 names right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will
 simply occur to us."

 After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife
 noticed a peculiar fact.  When left alone, one of the boys
 would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would
 face inland.  It didn't matter which way the parents posi-
 tioned the children, the same child always faced the same
 direction.  "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," sug-
 gested the fisherman.  His wife agreed, and from that point
 on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

 The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.  The day
 came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is
 time that learned how to make a living from the sea."  They
 provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for
 a three month voyage.

 The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet
 the ship had not returned.  Another three months passed, and
 still no ship.

 Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a
 lone man walking towards her house.  She recognized him as
 her husband.  "My goodness!  What has happened to my
 darling boys?" she cried.

 The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:  "We were just
 barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a
 great fish.  Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was
 more than his equal.  For a whole week they wrestled upon
 the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually
 the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was
 pulled over the side of our ship.  He was swallowed whole,
 and we never saw either of them again."

 "Oh dear, that must have been terrible!  What a huge fish
 that must of been!  What a horrible fish.  What a horrible
 fish."

 "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got
 Away...."

Top
Subj:     Incredible Fishing video (S608b,d)
          From: rfslick on 9/2/2008
..........At: http://www.youtube.com/embed/cDTKCZur1vM

 This fishing video is amazing.  By the end of it, you
 start to wonder if the fish will sink the boat.  Click
 'HERE' to view it on my web site.

Top
Subj:     Couple's Vacation At The Lake (S90, S628)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #243 on 98-10-11
      and From: woneye on 11/13/2003

 A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband
 liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the
 husband came back from fishing after getting up real early
 that morning and took a nap.

 While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was
 not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the
 boat, and started reading her book.

 Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside
 the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says,
 "Reading my book."

 The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area
 and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied,
 "But you have all this equipment. For all I know you could
 start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

 "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
 says the woman.

 "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

 "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
 you can start at any moment," says the woman.

 "Have a nice day, ma'am," and the game warden left.

 MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.  It's likely she
 can also think.

Top
Subj:     Fishing Boat and Plane Almost Collide
          From: gordonschuk on 12/8/2008 (S623b)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/vVByFRf0oXY

 Since this is obviously a commercially made video,
 it is not a near accident.  But it is well done and
 cute.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Blind Fishing Salesman (S80, S345b)
          From: RFSlick on 98-08-12

 (Also see 'Fishing Rod' in this file)

 A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her
 grandson's birthday.  She doesn't know which one to get
 so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.  A
 Wal-Mart associate" is standing there with dark shades on.

 She says, "Excuse me sir ... can you tell me anything
 about this rod and reel?"

 He says, "Ma'am I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop
 it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to
 know about it from the sound it makes."

 She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway.

 He says "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with
 Zebco 404 reel and 10-pound test line...  It's a good all
 around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

 She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by
 the sound of it dropping on the counter; I'll take it."
 The woman opens her purse and sees her credit card holder
 drop on the floor.

 As she bends down to pick it up she accidentally passes gas.
 At first she is really embarrassed, but then concludes there
 is no way he could tell it was she that farted.  Being blind,
 he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

 The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

 The woman is totally confused by this and says, "Didn't you
 tell me it was on special for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

 The clerk explains , "Yes Ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00;
 but the duck call is $11.00 and the catfish bait is $3.50."

Top
Subj:     Fishing Rod (S18, S770)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 97-06-01
      and From: jcary on 10/13/2011

 (Also see 'Blind Fishing Salesman' in this file)

 A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a
 fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday.

 A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the
 counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?"

 "Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me
 about this one?" she answers.

 The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind
 and can not see the rod your referring too.  However, if
 you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it
 as I can tell from the sound it makes."

 The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops
 it on the counter.

 He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium
 action - $15."

 Lady - "Wow!" She finds another and does the same.

 "That's an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best
 used with ultra-light tackle - $20."

 Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one.

 As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady makes a rather
 large noise as she passes gas but feels no need to
 apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is.

 Salesman says, "That'll be $25."

 "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?"

 "That's right mama, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call,
 and  $2 for the fish bait."

Top
Subj:     That's A Big One (S404b)
          From: JokesUncut on 9/29/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     Fisherman Takes Two Sons Fishing (S283)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98
 

     Moved to 'Fisherman And His Two Sons' in this file
 

Top
Subj:     Fishy Story (S177, S514c)
..........From: collins2 on 6/18/00

 A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Some-
 thing has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a
 week.  It's the  opportunity of a lifetime.  We leave right
 away.  So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially
 my blue silk pajamas.  I'll be home in an hour to pick them
 up."

 He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.

 A week later he returns.  His wife asks:  "Did you have a good
 trip, dear?"

 He says: " Oh yes, the fishing was great!  But you forgot to pack
 my blue silk pajamas."

 His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your
 tackle box!"

Top
Subj:     Twin Brothers Each Have A Loss (S514b)
          From jdsteves

 Twin brothers were named Joe and John Jones.  The single
 brother, Joe, was the disgruntled owner of a dilapidated
 old boat.  It happened that John's wife died the same week
 that Joe's boat finally sank.  Shortly thereafter, the
 kindly old widow Smith met Joe on the street and mistaking
 him for John, she said, "Oh Mr. Jones, I am so sorry to
 hear about your great loss.  You must feel terrible."

 Joe responded saying, "Well, I'm not the least bit sorry,
 she was a rotten old thing from the very beginning.  Her
 bottom was all shriveled up and she smelt like a dead fish.
 Hell, even the first time I got into her she made water
 faster than anything I had ever seen.  She had a bad crack
 in the back and a pretty big hole in the front.  The hole
 got bigger every time I used her and she leaked like anything.
 But do you know what finished her off?

 Four guys from the other side of town were looking for a good
 time.  They asked if I would rent her to them.  I warned them
 that she wasn't so hot, but they said they would take a crack
 at her anyway.  The result was that the crazy fools all tried
 to to get into her at one time and it was just too much for
 her.  She cracked right down the middle!" Widow Smith fainted
 dead away.

Top
(S616c)
     by John Graziano on 10/30/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2008/10/30
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Top
Subj:     Three Fishermen Catch Mermaid (S65, DU)
          From: From: Internet Joke Archive
      and From: RFSlick on 98-04-24

 There's these three guys and they're out having a relaxing
 day fishing.  Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs
 to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.
 Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says: "Ok,
 if you can really grant wishes, than double my I.Q."

 The mermaid says: "Done."

 Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and
 analysing it with extreme insight.  The second guy is so
 amazed he says to the mermaid:

 "Triple my I.Q."

 The mermaid says: "Done."

 The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to
 problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying
 fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

 The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends,
 that he says to the mermaid: "Quintiple my I.Q."  The mermaid
 looks at him and says: "You know, I normally don't try to
 change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish
 you'd reconsider."

 The guy says: "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five,
 and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

 "Please," says the mermaid "You don't know what you're asking.
 It'll change your entire view on the universe.  Won't you ask
 for something else.  A million dollars, anything?"  But no
 matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his
 I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power.

 So the mermaid sighed and said: "Done."  And he became a woman.

Top
Subj:     Blondie Sunday Comic Strip (S657b)
          By Dennis Young and Denis Lebrun on 8/9/2009
..........At: http://blondie.com/todays_strip/

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comic strip about Dagwood
 going fishing.

Top
Subj:     Ice Fishing (DU)

 These two guys go ice fishing, setup about 30 feet apart.
 Neither one of them is catching and anything, and this
 other guy comes along.  He sets up right between the first
 two, and starts catching fish.

 A couple of hours go by, and the first two guys haven't
 caught a thing, and the third guy has a pile of fish.
 They go over and ask him, "Hey, how do you catch so many
 fish?!" to which he replies, "Mmmmffmfmfm mfhhrrmmmf!".

 The two guys look at each other, and reply back to the
 man, "What?!".

 The guy spits out a mouthful and says "You gotta keep
 your bait warm!"

Top
Subj:     Why Men Fish (S522b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult  on 1/16/2007
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 You can view this cute cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Fish Eats Dog (DU)

 The following appeared recently in the Globe and Mail.

 Forget about Dog Bites Man.  Relegate Man Bites Dog to the
 back pages.  Today, we are dealing with Fish swallows dog,
 an item which reaches us by way of Moscow.

 The dog was swimming across the Pechora River to join its
 master when it vanished, leaving only a ripple.  The dog's
 master, who was fishing at the time, hauled in his net and
 found it contained a giant pike.  He looked closely at its
 mouth and said to himself (probably) "Thereby hangs a tail."

 Yes, it was Fido (or the Russian equivalent).  The dog
 struggled out after the fish was cut open, and, according
 to Radio Moscow, hurled itself at the pike, "barking
 excitedly."

 It is often difficult for fishermen to tell stories about
 the one that got away.  In this case, Radio Moscow notwith-
 standing, will it be any easier to tell about the one that
 didn't?

Top
Subj:     Talking To Fish (DU)
          by Bill Kennedy

 This was published in The South Texas Fisherman, sometime
 1972.

 A character in one of Shakespeare's plays, boasting of his
 accomplishments said, "I can call up monsters from the vast
 deep."  Any fisherman could have given the answer, "So can
 I and so can any man, but will they come?"

 Men and women have been calling to fish, pleading with them,
 and swearing at them without response since the beginning of
 time.  A federally supported research project may change that
 situation.

 Working with the whale family (porpoise or dolphin), scientists
 in Florida have set out to translate fish language.  They are
 not far along yet but have made some headway.  Various clicks
 and whistles have been recorded that indicate, at least in the
 whale family, one fish has a way to communicating what is on
 his mind to another fish.  If the research continues as planned,
 it should be only a matter of time until man will be able to
 reproduce fish noises and communicate what is on his mind to
 bass, perch, and catfish.

 All right-minded fishermen agree that fish-talk research
 projects should be cancelled and the scientists in it forced
 to seek other employment.  The reasoning behind this point of
 view is simple and sound.  If the research continues to its
 logical conclusion, fishing will cease to be the pleasant
 and relaxing sport that it now is.  Fishing will become a
 business of bellowing speeches in fish language designed to
 convince fish that they would be better off on the bank or
 in the boat than they are in the water.

 In such circumstances, any fool knows who the men that will
 catch all the fish will be.  They will be politicians!

Top
Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (S658)
          By Johnny Hart (1931-2007) on 8/23/2009
..........At: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2009/08/21

 Click 'HERE' to read this cute comic strip.

Top
Subj:     Wet Dream (S38, DU)
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year.  I was
 driving in down-town Atlantis.  My Barracuda was in the shop,
 so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was over-heating.  So
 I pulled into a Shell station.

 They said I'd blown a seal.  I said, "Fix the damned thing,
 and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

 While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called
 the Oyster Bar, a real dive.  I knew the owner.  He used to
 play for the Dolphins.  I said "Hi Gil!"  You have to yell,
 he's hard of herring.

 Gil was also down on his luck.  Fact is, he was barely keeping
 his head below water.  I bellied up to the sandbar.  He poured
 me the usual -- Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not
 stirred.  With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the
 side, heavy on the Mako.  I slipped him a fin on porpoise.  I
 was eeling good!  I even dropped a sand-dollar in the box for
 Jerry's squids...for the Halibut.

 Well, the place was crowded.  We were packed in like sardines.
 They were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy
 Dorsal.  What sole.  Tommy was rocking the place with a very
 popular tuna... "Salmon-chanted Evening."

 The stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there
 to see the bass player.

 One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving
 me the eye!  I figure this is my chance for a little fun... ya
 know, a piece of Pisces.  She said things I just couldn't
 fathom.  She was too deep.  She seemed to be under a lot of
 pressure.  Boy, could she drink.  She drank like a...well, she
 drank a lot.  I said, "What's your sign?"  She said,

 "Aquarium." I said "Great!  Let's get tanked!!"

 I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait.  I
 said, "Come on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows."  She
 threw me that same old line "Not tonight, I've got a haddock."
 She wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest
 looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike.

 He was covered with mussels.  He came over to me and said,
 "Listen, shrimp, don't ya come trolling around here..."  What
 a crab!  This guy was steamed.  I could see the anchor in his
 eyes.  I turned to him.  I said, "Abolone.  You're just being
 shellfish."

 Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil,
 'cause he was already on the phone to the Cods.  The haddock
 hits me with a sucker punch.  I catch him with a left hook.
 He eels over.  It was a fluke.  There he was, lying on the
 deck, flat as a mackerel...kelpless.  I said, "Forget the Cods,
 Gil.  This guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

 Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her
 boyfriend.  She came over to me.  She said, "Hey, big boy,
 you're really a game fish.

 What's your name?"  I said, "Marlin."

 Well, from then on we had a whale of a time.  I took her to
 dinner.  I took her to dance.  I bought her a bouquet of
 flounders.  I went home with her.  What did I get for my
 trouble?  A case of the clams.

Top
Subj:     Piglet's Fishing Trip (S667b)
          by Disney on 10/16/2009
 Source: https://www.creators.com/comics/winnie-the-pooh.html
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