Subj: Golf1 Jokes
(Includes 38 jokes and articles, 11982,15,cf,wXT,13)
Also see ARKANSAS.....-
Gets Gas In Arkansas'
BALLS file - 'A Golfer And His Balls'
BAR1 file - 'Shoe Sunday Comic Strip'
CHURCH-SUPP - 'Sunday's Sermon "Forgive Your Enemies"'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Three Texas Surgeons Brag'
GENIE file - 'Wife's Golf Shot Breaks Window'
......................- 'Three Wishes From A Frog Genie II'
FACTS2 file - 'Lady Golfer'
FACTS4 file - 'Golf Match Ends'
FACTS5 file - 'The History Of The Word Caddie'
FROG file - 'Golfer And Talking Frog'
GERMANY file - 'The World Is Going Crazy'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Don't Hit The Duck'
HOSPITAL2 - 'Lamaze Class'
HUNTING-SUPP - 'Non Sequitur Cartoon'
JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish Wife Was Unfaithful'
JOBS2 file - 'Worker's Favorite Sports'
JOBS3 file - 'Confused Owner Seeks Math Help'
KIDS5 file - 'Playing Miniature Golf With Your Kids'
LEPRECHAUN - 'Golfer Meets Leprechaun'
LISTS file - 'Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't:'
MARRIAGE1 - 'Will Husband Remarry?'
MEN4 file - 'The Homeless Man'
PENIS1 file - 'Golfer Hits Hole In One And Meets Genie'
PRIEST2 file - 'Priest Says Hoover'
......................- 'Priest Plays Golf On Sunday'
......................- 'Priest And Youth Play Golf'
......................- 'Priest And Youth Play Golf II'
......................- 'Priest Hears Golfer's Confession'
......................- 'Two Fellows Play Golf'
POLITICAL2 - 'Tiger Woods To Resign Over Rule Change'
POPE file - 'The Pope Is Challenged To A Golf Match'
PREGNANT-SUPP- 'Pregnancy Class For Couples'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Marriage Counselor'
QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
SCOTTISH - 'Scotsman Washed Ashore On A Island'
WEDDING-HNYMN- 'Man w/Dick In Splint Has Honeymoon'
- 'Bride Had Been With Arnold Palmer'
WED-HNYM-SUPP- 'Drew Litton Cartoon'
GOLF1, 2 file has best jokes
GOLF3 file contains jokes, oddities and Q/A
Subj: GolfBoarding (S956d)
From: Zoraida Alilin McNorton on Facebook
.Could this Oregon invention turn you into a fan of golfing?
.It's called GolfBoard, and Nick Krupke KPTV in Oregon got
.to try it out at Trysting Tree Golf Club. Click 'HERE' to
see this great invention.
Subj: Husband And Wife Have Golf Lessons (S462)
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/1/2005
A husband and wife love to play
golf together, but neither
of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to
take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing,
he says, "No, no, no," you're
gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro
replied, "just like you'd hold
your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing,
and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife
can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for
her lesson. The pro watches
her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like
you'd hold your husband's
penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes
a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway ...
about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says, "Now, take the
club out of your mouth, put it in your hands, and we'll go for
Rory Vs The Robot (S951d)
Made by European Tour
From: tom on 4/4/2015
Rory McIlroy has beaten just about
(Also see 'Hunter Buys A New Scope' in HUNTING-CAMPING)
Two old friends were just about
to tee off at the first hole
of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag
called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner
didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed
the game and the company
of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the
friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the
response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf
bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with
a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic
sight," said the other friend,
"Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house
from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the
sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my
house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right
in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.
Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my
neighbor in there with her.......He's naked, too!!! The
He turned to the hitman, "How
much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time
I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure,
what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's
always been mouthy, so shoot
her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine,
and just a kid, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a
lesson." The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing
perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do
it or not?" said the golfer impatiently.
"Just be patient," said the hitman
calmly, "I think I can
save you a grand here....."
Subj: Family Guy Teaches Golf (S953d)
From: Patricia Pineo Manzato on Facebook
.......Click 'HERE' to see this cute, seventeen second clip.
Mini Masters - Crazy Golf (S902d)
Created by Simon Connor and Steph Gandolfi
At Adverbox Advertising Agency
This would definitely make golf
more exciting to watch.
Simon Connor and Stephen Gandolfi, video editors at the
Adverbox advertising agency, reimagine The Masters golf
tournament as a game of miniature golf. Known for their
unique approach to advertisement, Adverbox has done
similar projects for other brands. Click on either
source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see the Mini Masters.
Subj: Man Hit By Golf Ball (S67, S560)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-13
and From: darrellvip on 10/13/2007
A couple of women were playing
golf one sunny Saturday
morning. The first of the two-some teed-off and watched
in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome
of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one
of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together
at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the
man and immediately began
to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical
therapist and offered to help ease his pain.
"Please allow me to help, I'm
a physical therapist and I
know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me,"
she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be
all right... I'll be fine
in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the
fetal position still clasping his hands together at his
The woman persisted, and he finally
allowed her to help
him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to
the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands
inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him,
"How does that feel?"
The man looked up at her and
replied, ""It feels great,
but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S650b)
By Bob Thaves on 6/19/2009
Subj: Four Married Golfer's Problems (S100, S600c)
From: thebartend on 98-06-29
and From: LABLaughs.com on 7/4/2003
(Also see 'Christmas Day Golfing' above)
Four married guys go golfing.
During the 4th hole the
following conversation took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea
what I had to do to be able
to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my
wife that I will paint every room in the house next
Second Guy: "That's nothing,
I had to promise my wife
that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have
it easy! I had to promise
my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole
when they realized that
the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him.
"You haven't said anything about what you had to do to
be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm
for 5:30 am. When it
goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and
say, 'Golf course or intercourse?' So she says, 'Wear
Golf Trivia Challenge (S588d, S783)
From: tom on 4/24/2008 and 1/1/2012
This Golf Trivia Challenge is
great fun even if you don't
play golf. You can test your reasoning skills at the
above source, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: New Golf Term (S579b, S732)
From: tom on 2/20/2008 and 1/20/2011
Four retired geezers came into
the pro shop after playing
18 holes of golf. They were a bit exhausted. The pro
asked, "Did you gents have a good game today?"
The first old feller said, "Oh, I had three riders today."
The second bent over guy said,
"I had the most riders ever.
I had five."
The third old man said, "I did
about the same. I had seven
riders, the same as last time."
The last ancient sport said,
"I beat my old record. I had
12 riders today.
Aren't you fellers proud of me?"
After they went into the men's
locker room, an elderly lady
club member that had heard the old gents telling of their
game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf here
for 40 years and thought I knew all the terminology of the
game..... but what in the world is a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when
you hit the ball far enough
to get in the golf cart and ride to it."
Subj: Sixteen New Golf Terms (S630c)
..........From: tom on 2/2/2009
A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't
A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another
A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand
A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water
A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed
An 'O.J.' - got away with one
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver
A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver
A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right
A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds
A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read
A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out
A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist
A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees
A 'Mickey Mantle' - a dead yank
Polar Bear Plays Golf (S567d)
Made by Backkom
From: edapsmas on 12/3/2007
The animated video of a polar
bear playing golf is a
very funny parody of golfers. Click 'HERE' to view it.
Subj: Two Golfers And A Pine Tree (S517c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/7/2006
A young man, who was also an
avid golfer, found himself with
a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he
hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before
he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off,
an old gentleman shuffled
onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man
as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he
allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man
played fairly quickly. He did
not hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and
didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th
fairway and the young man found
himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right
in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the
After several minutes of debating
how to hit the shot, the
old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit
the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before
him, the youngster swung
hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree
trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from
where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more
comment, "Of course, when I was
your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
Subj: Two Rednecks And Two Gays Play Golf (S71, DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #252 on 98-06-06
(See 'Two Poofs And A Truck Driver In An Accident' in GAYS file)
Two rednecks are playing golf
behind two flamingly
effeminate golfers who are just flitting about after
every shot, every putt, everything. The rednecks are
getting so mad watching the unmacho behavior of the two
at the "gentleman's game", so they decide they're going
to hit into them to get off.
The rednecks' shots are getting
dangerous close to the
two gays, and finally, a shot from one of the rednecks
hits one of the gays on the head and it knocks him out
The other gay is in an angry
panic, shaking his friend
to get up - "Felipe! Felipe! Get up! Get up...!" -
and at the rednecks - "You bad men! We are going to
One of the rednecks yelled back,
"You ain't gonna sue us!
I'd just as soon let you suck my dick!"
The gay heard that and started
shaking his friend, "Felipe!
Felipe! Get up! Hurry! They want to settle out of court!"
18 Hole Miniature Golf Game (S593)
From: tom on 5/27/2008
This is an excellent miniature
golf game that you can play
at the above source, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Golf Match During Funeral (S28, S604c)
From: Anonymous Jr on July 7,2004
(Also see 'Superbowl Seats' in FOOTBALL)
A golfer and his buddies where
playing a big round of golf
for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot
putt to win the round, and the $200.
As he was lining up his putt,
a funeral procession started to
pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off,
placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral
procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter
and returned to lining up his putt.
One of his buddies said, "That
was the most touching thing I
have ever seen. I can't believe you stopped playing,
possibly loosing your concentration, to pay your respects."
"Well, we were married for 25 years."
Subj: Stevie Wonder Meets Tiger Woods (S479)
From: drgolfmd on 3/25/2006
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods
are in a restaurant having
dinner. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing
Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad,
I've had some problems with my
swing, but I think I've got that going right now."
Stevie says, "I always find that
when my golf swing goes
wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think
about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all
Tiger says, "You play golf?"
Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
Woods says, "But you're blind!
How can you play golf if you
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy
to stand in the middle of the
fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice
and play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the
ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the
fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice"
"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.
Well," says Stevie, "I get my
caddy to lean down in front of
the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I
just play the ball toward his voice."
Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie,
"We've got to play a
Wonder replies, "Well, people
don't take me seriously, so I
only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a
Woods thinks it over and says,
"OK, I'm for that, when would
you like to play?"
Stevie says, "Pick a night."
Dumb Golfers And Beer (S585d)
From: tom on 4/7/2008
Nothing is more dangerous than
a bunch of golfers with
lots of beer and a video camera. How many beers before
you would make this video? Click 'HERE' to see these
Subj: Man And His Secretary Have An Affair (S240, S605)
From: CatScratch on 9/2/2001
A married man and his secretary
were having a torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they
rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon
making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell
asleep and didn't wake up until 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly.
Then the man told his secretary
to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.
Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he was pretty
The man finally gets home and
his wife meets him at the
door. Upset, she asks where he's been. The man replies
"I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an
affair. Today we left work early, went to her place,
spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep. That's
why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes
notice of his shoes and says,
"I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU
GODDAMN LIAR!!! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"
Subj: Golfer Dies And Goes To Heaven (S558b)
From: SCOTCOB on 9/28/2007
A man dies and approaches the
pearly gates where he encounters
St. Peter. "Ah," says St. Peter, "we've been expecting you.
I'd like to let you walk through the pearly gates here, and
looking through my book, I notice you've lived a good life....
BUT...I see that one time, ONE TIME, you got a little angry
and said the "F" word, didn't you?"
"Yes," says the man, "but it was only one time."
St. Peter: "Well, I've
been known to make an exception when
there are extenuating circumstances."
Man: "Well, I said the "F" word when I was playing golf.."
St. Peter: "Oh, so you're
a golfer, are you? Well that
explains a lot. Go ahead and tell me why you said the "F"
Man: "Well, I was playing
in a tournament, and I had a one
stroke lead. As I started into my backswing for my drive
on the last hole, just at the peak of my swing, I realized
that I had chosen the wrong club! I had the five iron
instead of the four iron..."
St. Peter: "And THAT'S when you said the "F" word?"
Man: "Well, no, as it turned
out I hit the five iron shot
of my life! The ball was headed straight up the fairway,
when all of a sudden, a passing bird flew right into the
St. Peter: "You said the "F" word then, didn't you?"
Man: "Well, no, just as the bird
got to the ball, it
started to hook, and the bird actually helped direct the
ball towards the green where it landed and started to
roll towards the cup! It was rolling real well, when
all of a sudden, a squirrel came onto the green and came
towards my ball..."
St. Peter: "The "F" word, you said it then, yes?"
Man: "Well, the squirrel actually
pushed the ball towards
the hole, where it stopped rolling just about 2 inches
from the cup.."
St. Peter:" You didn't miss the fucking putt, did you?!?!?"
Subj: Keeping Active In Retirement? (S888d)
From: tom on 1/14/2014
|To all the die hard golfers
in my life...
It's important to remain active in retirement...
An important senator arranges
to use an escort service (high-
class prostitution) and winds up with this beautiful japanese
girl who speaks little English, but hey, he wasn't in the
mood for conversation anyway. So they get at it, and she
gets into it like no woman he's ever seen! She starts
yelling, "Gama Su!, Gama Su!" while making faces. He can
tell he's driving her crazy! He's never had it so good.
The next morning, he's golfing
with the Japanese ambassador,
and he makes a birdie. He suddenly remembers the word that
the woman yelled at what must have been the moment of
climax the night before, and he yells it out. The ambassador
looks at him rather oddly, looks at the pin, and says, "no,
that was the right hole..."
The phrase may also have been 'Achii Hi, Achii Hi!', 'Ben-wah,
Subj: Arizona Golf Course Sigh (S77, S669)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-07-23
and From: jtgalvan on 6/5/2006
(Also see 'Golf Rules' in GOLF3)
Here is an actual sign posted
at a golf club in Scottsdale,
10. Back straight, knees
bent, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick back swing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anyone.
4. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
3. Don't stand directly in front of others.
2. Quiet please!... while others are preparing to go.
1. Don't take extra strokes.
Well done. Now flush the urnal, go outside, and tee off.
Distracting Your Instructor (S518b)
From: RDOBRY on 12/20/2006
You can view this cute golf picture by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Golfing Lawyer Meets Beautiful Babe (S17, S603)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #167
This lawyer was so fanatical
about his golf game that he
played every day. One morning after he has competed the
first hole and was just about ready to tee off on the
second, he noticed the most gorgeous woman he had ever
seen putting alone on the first green.
The lawyer waited until the woman
had reached the second
tee and asked if she would like to join him, and they could
finish together. To his surprise the woman agreed, and
they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman
beautiful, she was also a good golfer.
When they completed their round,
the lawyer told the woman
that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon
bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place
for a meal and a few drinks.
The woman accepted enthusiastically
and off they went. Back
at the house, the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact
it was more than just cooking; it was a performance to behold.
They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation. After
the meal, the woman repaid the lawyer with the best oral sex
he had ever experienced.
The lawyer was so taken by the
beauty and skill of this woman
that he desired her to no end. He then asked if she would
like to play golf the following morning, to which she agreed.
Once again, they enjoyed a great game of golf together, a
magnificent evening meal, and once more the lawyer received
sensational oral sex.
This went on for three weeks,
when the lawyer finally said,
"Listen, the golf and the company has been fantastic! But,
there is only so much oral sex a man can take. When are we
going to go at it?"
"We can't." said the woman. "Why
not?" cried the lawyer.
"Because I'm a transvestite." replied the woman.
"YOU BITCH!" screamed the lawyer.
"I can't believe you have
been playing off the LADIES' TEES FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS!!!"
Subj: Christmas Day Golfing (S417)
From: JokesUncut on 1/17/2005
(Also see 'Four Married Golfer's Problems' below)
Four old timers were playing
their weekly game of golf, and
one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas
morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go
directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a
His buddies all chimed in and said,
"Let's do it! We'll make
it a priority, figure out a way,
and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning
arrives, and there
they are on the golf course!
The first guy says,
"Boy, this game cost me a fortune!
I bought my wife
such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says,
"I spent a ton, too. My
wife is at home planning the
cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in
Number 3 guy says,
"Well, my wife is at home admiring
her new car, reading
They all turned to the last guy
in the group who is staring
at them like they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went
to such expense for this golf
game. I woke the wife up early, gave her a couple of
pinches and a wink, and said,
'Well, babe, Merry Christmas!
It's a great morning for sex
or golf, '.... and she said.....
"Take your sweater."
Lady Golfer Stung By Bee (S482b)
From: Bartender Joke Of The Day on 7/5/97
and From: darrell94590 on 4/16/2006
You can view this joke with picture by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Guy And His Wife Shoot A Round Of Golf (S164, DU)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 03/22/2000
Guy is constantly being bugged
by his wife to take her golfing.
Finally he gives in. Not wanting to be seen by his buddies,
he takes her to a course on the outskirts of town located next
to an old farm. About the 5th hole he slices to the right and
the ball lands right in front of a barn which now stands between
the ball and the hole. Although he did not have a clear shot to
the green, his wife noticed that there were two doors on the
shack, and there was a possibility that, if both doors were opened,
he might be able to hit through.
Without hesitation, he instructed
his wife to go around to the
other side and open the far door. Sure enough, this gave him a
clear path to the green. He stepped up to his ball and prepared
to hit. His wife had been standing by the far door, waiting for
him to hit through. After a moment, she became curious and stuck
her head in the doorway to see what he was doing. At that exact
moment, the husband cracked a three-wood that hit his wife square
on the forehead, killing her instantly.
Two years later, he's playing
the same course with a bunch of
guys and he slices the ball to the same spot on the same hole.
When one of his pals suggests he open the barn doors and hit the
The man replies, "I tried that last time, it was a disaster."
"Why, what happened?" his friend asked.
"I had a bloody seven."
Subj: Golfer Dies On The Course (DU)
One night a man returns home
well after dark after having
supposedly left at 6:30 that morning to play golf. His
wife is furious and demands to know where he's been.
"Well, I got up this morning
at 6:30, went to the car and
it wouldn't start. So I called Frank to drive and it was
7:15 until he could pick me up. On our way to the course,
Frank gets a flat tire so we have to walk 8 miles to the
nearest station to get someone to help us. By the time we
finally get going again, it's 10:30. When we get to the
course, there is a seniors group going off so we have to
wait two hours before we can tee off."
"Yeah, but that was still almost
eleven hours ago!" his
"Well, we were playing along
when on the fifth hole a golf
ball comes whizzing by and strikes Frank in the head,
killing him. So for the next thirteen holes, its hit the
ball, drag Frank, hit the ball, drag Frank, hit the ball."
The Wizard of Id (S607b)
by Parker and Hart on 8/21/2008
Drawing from Creators.com
You can view this cute comic strip by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Golfer Hurt On Course (S15, S563)
From: RFSlick on 4/22/2002
and From: ginafm on 11/4/2007
A man staggers into an emergency
room with two black
eyes and a golf club wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it
was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet
round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into
a pasture of cows."
"We went to look for it and while
I was rooting around, I
noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear
"I walked over and lifted up
the tail and sure enough,
there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle
of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and
yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this
looks like yours!'"
Subj: Golfer Stranded On Island (S389, S599b)
From: Anonymous Jr on July 5,2004
(Also see 'Scotsman Washed Ashore On A Island' in SCOTTISH)
This man got stranded on an island
in the middle of the
ocean. For eleven years, he was stuck there until, one
day, he saw a liferaft in the lagoon. He watched with
excitement as a very attractive young woman got out of the
raft and waded to the shore, her wet and tattered dress
gripping her curvaceous body.
It seems that her ship hit the
coral reef near the island
during the previous night while a big party was going
onboard and the woman had just enough time to jump into the
raft with her purse before the ship quickly sank.
The man, overjoyed at seeing
another person, blurts out his
whole story about how he managed to live on the island
alone, how he learned to live off the land, surviving by
"How long did you say you've
been on this island?" she
"Eleven long years," he replied.
"How long has it been since you
had a smoke? Care for one?"
she then asked as she pulled a cigarette out of her purse.
"Oh yes, indeed!" exclaimed the man.
The woman handed the man a cigarette,
who smoked it with
"How long has it been since you
had a drink?" asked the
"Eleven long years!" replied the poor man.
The woman reaches into her purse
and pulls out a flask
with some liquor in it and handed it to the man who drank
it with a sigh.
"Gee, I just realized.
You've been on this island for
eleven years and I guess you haven't had any human contact
or intimacy all this time...how long has it been since you
played around?" asked the woman then with a wolfish grin on
"Well, eleven long years also" the man replied with a smile.
The woman, with a sexy gaze,
began to unzip her dress and
dropped her purse onto the ground.
"Holy smokes!" exclaimed the
very excited man. "Don't tell
me you have a set of golf clubs in there, too!!!!"
Coming Between A Couple...(S387b)
From: mrx on 6/18/2004 (in Drawing)
Source: (Removed by ezines4all.com/)
You can view this cute cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Golf Pro Teaches Sweet Young Thing (DU)
The golf pro was teaching some
sweet young thing how to golf.
He was standing behind here holding her arms showing her how
to swing the club. Suddenly, his belt buckle got stuck in
the cloth of her shorts and wouldn't come loose. "Don't worry,
I've got a pair of pliers back at the clubhouse and I'll have
us loose in a jiffy."
So there they were walking back
to front toward the clubhouse
when a dog saw them. The dog took one look, and then went
racing around the side of the clubhouse, and coming back,
threw a bucket of water on them.
Subj: Famous Men (S605b)
Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. president of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered
some of the world's most
successful men. At least they found the secret of making money.
Now more then 55 years later, do you know what has become of
1. The President of the largest
steel company, Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson,
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released
from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad,
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of
The same year, 1923, the winner
of the most important golf
championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA
Tournaments. Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.
CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF.
Subj: Golf/Miles (S610b)
From: tom on 9/19/2008
A recent study found the average
golfer walks about
900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink,
on average, 22
gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers
get about 41 miles
to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.
Beetle Bailey Sunday Comic Strip (S611c)
by Mort Walker
From: WashingtonPost.com on 9/21/2008
This Beetly Bailey Sunday comic
strip discusses changing
clothing fashion. You can read it by clicking 'HERE'.